Lazer Brody's Blog, page 315

The 2-minute anti-depression plan

Depressed? Worried? Anxious? Stressed out? That's not the way to be during Sukkot, for this is the season of joy, when you can fill yourself up with joy for an entire year...

Here's a fool-proof plan to help you feel 1000% better in 2 short minutes, without the aid of drugs, pills, or any other artificial substance, and with no need to leave your office or the room where your computer is located:

Follow the following instructions:

1) Remove your shoes.

2) Stand up, and take 3 deep breaths.

3) Click here.

4) Let yourself loose and begin 2 minutes of aerobics (what Chassidim call a Kazzatzke - all you need is about 10 square feet of empty floor space).

5) If you have the stamina, repeat the above cycle for longer-lasting joy.

Happiness gives you a direct line to holiness. Caught your breath? Good - now click on the music link and start dancing all over again.

Feel better? You bet!

Music by Breslev's outstanding clarinetist Chillik Frank, played in Miron this past Lag B'Omer and also frequently played during Simchat Beit Hashoeva during Sukkot.

Hashem says, "Be Happy!"

Rebbe Nachman's 201st Yahrtzeit

Saturday night and Sunday, the 18th of Tishrei, is the 201st yahrtzeit of our beloved Rebbe, master, and spiritual guide, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov (1772-1810), of blessed and saintly memory. The above image is a commerative stamp that the Post Office here in Israel issued last year - it's now a collector's item.

Succa Hopping

Here's some fun to put us in the joy mode for Succoth. Happy Holiday and a Good Yom Tov!

Beware: The Expanding Succoth Waistline

My good buddy Yankel'e "Dry Bones" Kirschen, the creator of Emuna Outreach's mascot little Natty Emuna , really hits home. The perenniel post-holiday problem of many Jewish people is the added calories, pounds, flab, and cholesterol of a week of eating and rejoicing in the Succa. As the Beams is committed to the health of body, mind, and soul, we've composed a few guidelines to combat the expanding Succoth waistline.

Beware of the cakes: Many people want to make a blessing on the Succa every time they enter it. But, one really shouldn't make a blessing unless he eats something. For that reason, many folks eat cake ("mezonos", at a minimum amount of a little over and ounce) so they can say the "Leshev B'Succa" blessing, the blessing to sit in the Succa. If a person eats 2 ounces of cake 3 times a day, that adds another 840 calories to his daily intake. The Melitzer Rebbe shlit'a says that one should make a "Leshev B'Succa" blessing only when eating a proper meal that includes washing your hands and breaking bread. So, don't eat cake for the purpose of making a blessing to sit in the Succa. If a person eats 3 average-sized portions of cake a day for the 9 (outside of Israel, 8 in Israel) days of the Succoth/Simchat Torah holiday, he'll gain more than two pounds. We suggest eating sliced fresh carrots or sliced green apples instead of the cake.

Beware of the liquor: Many people make a "Lechayim" every time they visit the Succa of a friend and relative. In Israel, quite a few people that barely touch alcoholic beverages all year long keep them on hand to serve guests, and end up toasting glass-per-glass with the guest. A one-ounce shot of vodka or 86-proof Whiskey is 70 calories, while an ounce of a 72-proof liqueur such as Kahlua or Banana Liqueur is a hefty 117 calories. 3 "Lechayims" a day is enough to pick up another half pound during the week of the holiday. Adding that to the cakes (see above), you've already gained 2.5 pounds during Succoth. Putting the weight on is so much easier than taking it off.

Beware of sweet beverages: Succoth is a time when parents allow the Pepsi and the Coke to flow frely all week long. Now hear this - an 8-ounce glass of Coke Classic is a whopping 97 calories, just as caloric as the equivalent amount of beer or of a slice and a half of bread. A person that drinks 6 glasses of cola a day will gain almost a pound on Succoth, please wreck his teeth in the process. We suggest that you reach for the mineral water, sparkling water, or herb tea instead, for they have zero caloric value.

Beware of snacks: People like to munch in the Succa. We all know that you can't eat one Frito or potato chip - therefore, those plastic bags empty fast. One ounce of fritos, potato chips, or our Bamba and Bisli add another 160 calories to your calorie-aglore score. If a person drinks two glasses of cola and consumes two ounces of snack foods a day, he'll gain over a pound during Succoth. Again, fresh carrot and cucumber sticks are a virtually non-cloric and healthy replacement for the junky snack foods.

So, with the cakes, the l'chayims, the cokes and the snacks alone - without the heavy meals that include kugel and fat meats, you've already gained close to 5 pounds. And, if you drink diet beverages and use artificial sweeteners, you might not gain the weight but you'll be likely to suffer from headaches and anxiety.

True, tradition is important; that is, as long as it doesn't ruin your health. Here at the Brody homestead, whole-grained rice, buckwheat groats and quinoa have replaced fried farfel and oil-dripping kugel. We don't fry, but boil and bake. We eat loads of veggies and fresh fruit, and drink local mineral water. Fish and lean poultry have replaced the beef and veal. Dessert is homemade applesauce, fresh cantelope cubes, or an almond-stuffed fresh date. Our bread is home-baked and whole-grain. We want to control what enters our bodies; the manufacturers care about making money, not about our health. That's why we don't buy their products. Our bodies weren't designed to digest the myriad of chemical additives and preservatives that they force-feed us.

The Rambam gives an important reminder - don't eat until you're full. The stomach resembles a washing machine - if you overload it, it can't do the laundry. By the same token, an overloaded stomach can't digest, resulting in indigestion, another common Succoth ailment.

A great way to combat the the expanding Succoth waistline is to walk for an hour a day. Better yet, while you're walking, talk to Hashem in personal prayer. That way, your body gets its exercise and your soul gets its nourishment, that is none other than connecting with Hashem. What could be better? Emuna Outreach and the Beams wish you a happy and healthy Succoth with no indigestion and no expanding waistline, amen.

Beams Bulletin: Deal Reached for Release of Gilad Shalit

Israel, 8 PM

We've just received word from Al Arabiya in Cairo that a deal for the release of kidnapped IDF soldier Gilad Shalit has been worked out with Hamas by way of Egyptian mediators. Prime Minister Netanyahu has just summoned an urgent cabinet meeting to approve the deal this evening. According to the report, Gilad will be home in less than a month, G-d willing, in exchange for some 1,000 imprisoned terrorists.

 

A Thank-You Note to Hashem

To my beloved Father and King, may Your Holy Name be praised forever!

Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for the gift of Yom Kippur. I never cease to be amazed at the magnitude of Your kindness; You give us a day a year when You wipe our slates clean of all transgression. For the price of a day's fasting and repentance, You forgive us for everything! How can I begin to thank You?

Imagine that the President of Chase Manhattan declared a financial Yom Kippur, and declared that anyone who agreed to fast for a day and beg forgiveness for all their accumulated debts - no matter whether they swelled to hundreds of millions of dollars - would have all their debts erased and could receive a new line of credit. Unthinkable?!?

Wiping one sin off our soul is worth much more than any million-dollar debt cancellation. You're the greatest, Hashem; I'm so happy that You are my Father and my King.

Imagine one more thing; imagine that You withheld food and drink for 26 hours from a group of skinheaded rowdies, and then allowed them to eat and drink as much as they liked. How much beer would flow? How much would they stuff themselves? How well would they have behaved before they shattered both their fast and their skulls? We both know the answer...

Now look at Your Children of Israel; during the Neila prayer, after having fasted for over 24 hours already, they were praising Your Holy Name even more fervently than all day long. Once the fast was over, they had a quick coffee and piece of honey cake, ran to the Mikva, hurried to make the blessing of the New Moon, and then ran home to start building their Succas. Dearest Father, do you have any other nation on earth that can come to anywhere near to the dedication of Your Jewish children? We both know the answer to that, too. Therefore - with all our shortcomings - You can still seal all of us in Your Book of Long and Happy Life for a wonderful New Year 5772.

Thank You, beloved Tattie. Your loving son, Eliezer Raphael ben Chasia (Lazer)

Succoth and National Security

This coming Wednesday night marks the beginning of Succoth.

The Succa is a place to learn and acquire emuna. We leave our permanent dwellings at a time when the weather starts getting cold. We learn that the only real security we have over our heads is not the roof of our permanent dwelling, but Hashem. For seven days a year, Hashem wants us to teach us how to completely entrust ourselves to His care, as King David says (Psalm 31:6), "I place my spirit in Your hands."
 
The intrinsic message of the Succa is that with a Jew, the illogical is logical and the supernatural is natural. Hashem's relationship to His chosen people is on a completely different level than His "way of the world" relationship with the nations.
 
Normally, one feels secure under a concrete roof. But with bunker busters and non-conventional weapons, reinforced concrete no longer gives a person a feeling of security. That's the point of the Succa: under the palm-leaves or the river-reed roof – knowing that we are enveloped in the Divine Presence – we feel true security, for beneath a thatched roof in the Divine Presence is ever so much safer than under a concrete and steel roof in an environment devoid of holiness and therefore without the protection of the Divine Presence.
 
Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it? Eyes devoid of emuna see the Succa as some type of Jewish play house. But, with eyes of emuna, we know that the Succa is the real deal; that's why the pious almost never leave their Succa for an entire week. Who wants to leave the Divine Presence even for a moment?
 
During Succoth, the nations of the world look at us like we're crazy, but that doesn't deter the believer from happily erecting and dwelling in his Succa...

Continue reading The Key to National Security on this week's issue of Breslev Israel web magazine. Also featured this week: 

Rabbi Shalom Arush: The Guiding Light

Zev Ballen: Meditation for Breathing

Natalie Kovan: Head in the Ground

Rivka Levy: A Visit to the Baal Shem Tov

Dovber Halevi: Up or Down?

Gila David: Beginning Again

Yehudit Levy: Unity

Have a great week and a wonderful New Year 5772!

The Chick and the Roosters

An old parable tells about a war in the chicken coop: the farmer set a plate of grain on the floor; there was enough for everyone but each rooster wanted the whole plate for himself. The roosters started fighting with one another in a terrible melee. Meanwhile, a little chick - scared stiff - hid in the corner, far out of the range of the blood and feathers. A cloud of dust was kicked up, but when it settled, all the roosters were prostrate and lifeless, having torn each other apart. The little chick emerged from his hiding place and was left with the entire plate of grain all for himself.

The above parable enables us to understand how King David could so confidently say that the meek shall inherit the earth.

On Yom Kippur yesterday, we didn't try to impress Hashem with our latest high-tech weaponry. We came to Him as humble sons and daughters, asking forgiveness for our silly actions. We neither ate or drank for over 24 hours - we just prayed all day long. As our prayers ascend, we wake up, and here's what we find:

Tensions between Turkey and Iran are now rising. The Syrian Kurds have declared anintifada, or uprising, against the Syrian regime. Egypt is in shambles on the verge of a civil war and like Syria, has no time to mess around with Israel. There's also no lack of tension between Jordan and its own Palestinians and between Jordan and Syria.

If Hashem wants, in a minute, all the Islamic roosters will be at each other's throats. They won't have a moment free to bother us. All we must do is to continue with the Yom Kippur spirit of emuna, teshuva, and humility, keeping our noses in the Torah rather than in Facebook. Hashem will take care of the rest.

Don't forget that Hashem took apart the entire might USSR without firing a shot, a mere 20 years ago. He can do so to those who threaten us as well. Hashem is showing us that Emuna and teshuva are more effective than military might. Sure, we need a good and prepared army, but with emuna and teshuva, we'll be guaranteed winners. Just like the little chick. Happy Succoth preparations and blessings for a wonderful year. 

The test of Succoth preparations

This time of year especially, kids watch their parents with eagle eyes. At times like this, they learn priorities.

If a child sees that his or her father views building a succah as a mandatory pain in the neck, don't be surprised that the child in subsequent years doesn't want to learn Torah or keep its commandments. If kids hear parents complaining about the high prices of lulavim and esrogim, when nobody uttered a peep about spending twice as much for a pair of tickets to the playoff game, then they'll also grow up with warped priorities and minimal regard for mitzvas.

The principal of מעשה אבות סימן יפה לבנים , in other words, the deeds of parents are steppingstones for children, holds true all year long. When a child sees how happily his or her parent washes hands after visiting the bathroom or before a meal, then the parent will never have to goad the child to do likewise.