T.L. Gray's Blog, page 77
December 7, 2011
Out With the Old
New things, new people, new experiences are always exciting. There's just something inside us that really lights up when it comes to new things. Don't even get me started on new chapters, new shoes, new destinations, and new opportunities. Of course, not all new things that come into our lives are good for us or prove beneficial. In the end we find out that we've lost something valuable with the old tried and true we've tossed out for the new. Makes me think of smiling people with wagging tongues that come in and tell you all about the new and amazing things they can do in your life and how you can't live without them - to find out they were NOTHING like the excellent, dutiful and faithful people you already had in your life. All talk, but no substance.
Don't get me wrong, NEW is great. I think we should all live our lives in one direction - forward. It's the only way we're going - so we might as well get acclimated to the idea. However, we don't need to be in such a hurry to toss away what we have to make room for everything new that comes down the pipe, as if to say we can't obtain the new with what we already have. We need to remind ourselves of the story of the man who had so much that he tore down the barns he already had to build bigger ones to make room for the new stuff he thought he had to have in his life. God called that man a fool. There's a lot of wisdom in that. Success isn't about what we have, who we know, or who knows us, but WHO we are regardless of all that.
It's often said that the man with the most toys in the end - wins. What does he win? The prize for being the biggest fool? Sometimes our greatest treasures aren't what we can get, or even what great opportunities become available to us - but in what we already have. Most often what we already have is highly unappreciated - especially when it comes to the people in our lives.
Not everybody that says they're a friend is a true friend. There may be some true emotions involved, but emotions change from day to day, experience to experience, and level to level. With it, most friendships also change, at least those that are only viable in the emotional realm. True friends are steady unmovable rocks. They may react in emotion, but they work through those flows and ebbs, building character and trust; strengthening the bonds between each other. They know how to forgive and to apologize, to encourage and rebuke.
Many people come in and out of my life, because I'm in constant motion. As I move, different opportunities present themselves bringing the different people with them. Some the world would consider inconsequential, while others enjoy a celebrity status. Years ago, when I barely valued myself, I would have endowed the celebrity with higher enthusiasm than the regular Joe, but not today. I've matured and learned to love myself and see the value in who I am, and realize what character traits I value in other people - honesty and integrity above all.
I know both rich and poor, unknown and famous, inexperienced and successful, students and scholars, titled and untitled, and among them all I have made many friends. While I may spend some of my time getting to know the new acquaintances in my life, I don't throw away the wonderful, valuable and precious jewels in the true friends I already have. I'm not impressed with titles, money, status, prestige or celebrity - in fact those are the ones I'm most wary and often pity. I've seen many with my own eyes lose sight of what's really important in life chasing after the wind - but as Ecclesiastes reminds me - it's all meaningless.
I'm a writer striving for success and I'm a good business woman - but I don't measure my success on the number of book sales, dollars earned, celebrity endorsements, or acceptance by the populace and popular prestige. I measure success in the many letters I receive from readers who've been encouraged by the words I've written or found inspiration by my example to write their own. Writing makes me happy, so whether I reach 'worldly' success or not, I'm already successful. I thank God for the friends I have in my life who pray for me, lift me up, encourage me when I'm down, remind me when I've been living in the clouds too long, rebuke me when I'm out place, bring me soup when I'm sick, tell me the truth especially when it hurts, and stuck around long enough to get to know me and my character.
Now, where can I get a new pair of shoes!!!
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Don't get me wrong, NEW is great. I think we should all live our lives in one direction - forward. It's the only way we're going - so we might as well get acclimated to the idea. However, we don't need to be in such a hurry to toss away what we have to make room for everything new that comes down the pipe, as if to say we can't obtain the new with what we already have. We need to remind ourselves of the story of the man who had so much that he tore down the barns he already had to build bigger ones to make room for the new stuff he thought he had to have in his life. God called that man a fool. There's a lot of wisdom in that. Success isn't about what we have, who we know, or who knows us, but WHO we are regardless of all that.
It's often said that the man with the most toys in the end - wins. What does he win? The prize for being the biggest fool? Sometimes our greatest treasures aren't what we can get, or even what great opportunities become available to us - but in what we already have. Most often what we already have is highly unappreciated - especially when it comes to the people in our lives.
Not everybody that says they're a friend is a true friend. There may be some true emotions involved, but emotions change from day to day, experience to experience, and level to level. With it, most friendships also change, at least those that are only viable in the emotional realm. True friends are steady unmovable rocks. They may react in emotion, but they work through those flows and ebbs, building character and trust; strengthening the bonds between each other. They know how to forgive and to apologize, to encourage and rebuke.
Many people come in and out of my life, because I'm in constant motion. As I move, different opportunities present themselves bringing the different people with them. Some the world would consider inconsequential, while others enjoy a celebrity status. Years ago, when I barely valued myself, I would have endowed the celebrity with higher enthusiasm than the regular Joe, but not today. I've matured and learned to love myself and see the value in who I am, and realize what character traits I value in other people - honesty and integrity above all.
I know both rich and poor, unknown and famous, inexperienced and successful, students and scholars, titled and untitled, and among them all I have made many friends. While I may spend some of my time getting to know the new acquaintances in my life, I don't throw away the wonderful, valuable and precious jewels in the true friends I already have. I'm not impressed with titles, money, status, prestige or celebrity - in fact those are the ones I'm most wary and often pity. I've seen many with my own eyes lose sight of what's really important in life chasing after the wind - but as Ecclesiastes reminds me - it's all meaningless.
I'm a writer striving for success and I'm a good business woman - but I don't measure my success on the number of book sales, dollars earned, celebrity endorsements, or acceptance by the populace and popular prestige. I measure success in the many letters I receive from readers who've been encouraged by the words I've written or found inspiration by my example to write their own. Writing makes me happy, so whether I reach 'worldly' success or not, I'm already successful. I thank God for the friends I have in my life who pray for me, lift me up, encourage me when I'm down, remind me when I've been living in the clouds too long, rebuke me when I'm out place, bring me soup when I'm sick, tell me the truth especially when it hurts, and stuck around long enough to get to know me and my character.
Now, where can I get a new pair of shoes!!!
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
December 6, 2011
Answered Questions
I love getting answers when I ask questions. It's one of the greatest loves of my life - finding answers, solving mysteries, going on quests, seeking revelations and finding them. I'm the Indiana Jones of intellectual enlightenment. However, not all knowledge is wisdom. Not all information is beneficial. BUT all revelation leads to power. Hopefully I can do an acceptable job in trying to explain what I mean.
In my prayer-time meditation this morning I pondered the question concerning the identity of Jesus when He walked on the earth. I wondered if He knew who He really was and that no matter what came into His life He wouldn't be alone. I mean, those are really the two things I struggle with most in my quest for enlightenment and peace - wanting to know who I am and if I'm alone. Did Jesus know He was part of something bigger; something better? If so, how did He know? Was He just a man, or more than a man? If so, how much different was He than we? Could He comprehend more - being finite yet knowing the infinite?
My greatest achievement is overcoming my humanity, but it's also my greatest weakness. Yet, isn't it also our greatest strength? Though Jesus was flesh, He wasn't human - or was He? As the story goes, He overcame the flesh and all it's temptations - but did He do it knowing who He was? I'm not making light of His plight or sacrifice - but perhaps His strength to overcome came from Him knowing who He was.
Doubt weakens me. Fear weakens me. My strength is knowing who I am, what I'm capable of achieving, and to whom I belong. My weakness comes from a lack of knowing; uncertainty. These are the things I need help with most. I'm not the only begotten Son of God. I have no power, prestige or position of my own. I only have limited knowledge, faith and understanding of "the" Truth. Revelations into these things are what I need most from God. This is what He came to give me - strength that I didn't have before and an identity I didn't know before; to journey on a quest of allowing information to become revelation - that is my salvation.
Those are the questions that fluttered through my heart this morning. This is the answer I received in reply: When I first read this passage, I didn't understand what it had to do with my question, but slowly and surely the revelation of the answer revealed itself.
Mark 6:1-6 -This is the story where Jesus and His disciples went to Nazareth, his hometown, to minister. When he entered the synagogue the people were astonished at his power, knowledge and wisdom.
2And on the Sabbath He began to teach in the synagogue; and many who listened to Him were utterly astonished, saying, Where did this Man acquire all this? What is the wisdom [the broad and full intelligence which has been] given to Him? What mighty works and exhibitions of power are wrought by His hands! (AMP)
What does this have to do with what I've been talking about? How does this answer the questions I posed? The answers lay within the Nazarene's own words. The people, having seen Jesus grow up among them, saw Him for who they thought He was, based on information they knew, and were not opened to revelation. With their own tongues they called him "Man". Jesus was rejected by His own community because they failed to recognize His true identity. His power was released with the revelation and knowledge of who He was - being able to see He wasn't a mere human, but the Messiah - the Son of God - and who had all authority and power that came with that identity. Knowledge was both their power and weakness; power through revelation, yet weakness through unbelief. They called him "Man"; He called himself "Prophet". He knew who He was. The release of His power was contingent on the amount of their belief. Belief comes from revelation of information and it's understanding. The more information - the more understanding. The more understanding - the more revelation. The more revelation - the more belief. The more belief - the more power. This example is also paralleled with many other stories told by Jesus: the Centurion with the sick daughter, the woman with the issue of blood, the woman and eating the crumbs from the table,etc.
So, in answer to my initial questions: No, Jesus was not just a man - He was the Son of God. He had great power because of who He was - and we have access to His power when we receive the revelation of that information. Knowing who He was endowed Him with the strength and power He needed to accomplish His mission - and through Him, He offers the same opportunity to us all.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
In my prayer-time meditation this morning I pondered the question concerning the identity of Jesus when He walked on the earth. I wondered if He knew who He really was and that no matter what came into His life He wouldn't be alone. I mean, those are really the two things I struggle with most in my quest for enlightenment and peace - wanting to know who I am and if I'm alone. Did Jesus know He was part of something bigger; something better? If so, how did He know? Was He just a man, or more than a man? If so, how much different was He than we? Could He comprehend more - being finite yet knowing the infinite?
My greatest achievement is overcoming my humanity, but it's also my greatest weakness. Yet, isn't it also our greatest strength? Though Jesus was flesh, He wasn't human - or was He? As the story goes, He overcame the flesh and all it's temptations - but did He do it knowing who He was? I'm not making light of His plight or sacrifice - but perhaps His strength to overcome came from Him knowing who He was.
Doubt weakens me. Fear weakens me. My strength is knowing who I am, what I'm capable of achieving, and to whom I belong. My weakness comes from a lack of knowing; uncertainty. These are the things I need help with most. I'm not the only begotten Son of God. I have no power, prestige or position of my own. I only have limited knowledge, faith and understanding of "the" Truth. Revelations into these things are what I need most from God. This is what He came to give me - strength that I didn't have before and an identity I didn't know before; to journey on a quest of allowing information to become revelation - that is my salvation.
Those are the questions that fluttered through my heart this morning. This is the answer I received in reply: When I first read this passage, I didn't understand what it had to do with my question, but slowly and surely the revelation of the answer revealed itself.
Mark 6:1-6 -This is the story where Jesus and His disciples went to Nazareth, his hometown, to minister. When he entered the synagogue the people were astonished at his power, knowledge and wisdom.
2And on the Sabbath He began to teach in the synagogue; and many who listened to Him were utterly astonished, saying, Where did this Man acquire all this? What is the wisdom [the broad and full intelligence which has been] given to Him? What mighty works and exhibitions of power are wrought by His hands! (AMP)
What does this have to do with what I've been talking about? How does this answer the questions I posed? The answers lay within the Nazarene's own words. The people, having seen Jesus grow up among them, saw Him for who they thought He was, based on information they knew, and were not opened to revelation. With their own tongues they called him "Man". Jesus was rejected by His own community because they failed to recognize His true identity. His power was released with the revelation and knowledge of who He was - being able to see He wasn't a mere human, but the Messiah - the Son of God - and who had all authority and power that came with that identity. Knowledge was both their power and weakness; power through revelation, yet weakness through unbelief. They called him "Man"; He called himself "Prophet". He knew who He was. The release of His power was contingent on the amount of their belief. Belief comes from revelation of information and it's understanding. The more information - the more understanding. The more understanding - the more revelation. The more revelation - the more belief. The more belief - the more power. This example is also paralleled with many other stories told by Jesus: the Centurion with the sick daughter, the woman with the issue of blood, the woman and eating the crumbs from the table,etc.
So, in answer to my initial questions: No, Jesus was not just a man - He was the Son of God. He had great power because of who He was - and we have access to His power when we receive the revelation of that information. Knowing who He was endowed Him with the strength and power He needed to accomplish His mission - and through Him, He offers the same opportunity to us all.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
December 5, 2011
My First Screenplay
I never really had any interest in writing screenplays, I've always tried to stay close in the land of fiction novels. It seems like once I get in the groove of a great fictional story, something comes along and pulls me out - like when I'm asked to edit a non-fiction, ghost-write an inspirational teaching series, work on a memoir or autobiography, design and manage a newsletter, or produce a news article for an online magazine. I don't mind these things, but they don't make my heart palpitate hard against my chest. They don't cause goosebumps to pop up all over my arms or send the hairs on the back of my neck into full attention.
Needless to say, when writer/producer Elise Dimitria Bowman of CINIGI Lighthouse first approached me about writing a screenplay, I was very reluctant. Part of me was asking, "Why can't SHE just write one if she's so interested in my work?" With an already OVER-EXTENDED schedule, I just couldn't fathom the time, energy or desire to do it properly and so became almost hard-hearten to the opportunity. Today, I'm glad she didn't give up on me. I'm so thankful she insisted I participate in her Intro to Screenwriting Workshops because I'm finding that writing screenplays offers me the same excitement that my fiction novels provide, at least when it comes to adapting one of my own novels.
I still have an over-extended schedule and it has caused this screenplay to be slow progressing, but it is progressing none-the-less. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, enough so that I'm doing what I can to remove some of my other responsibilities to make a little more time for this new-found love in my life. I know I have a long way to go and lot more to learn, but now I'm not so squeamish to give it a shot. Maybe because she's a great teacher more than I'm an eager learner.
I still don't know what Ms. Bowman's role will play in my life, but if it never goes any further than what it has already, she's been an important inspiration to me.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Needless to say, when writer/producer Elise Dimitria Bowman of CINIGI Lighthouse first approached me about writing a screenplay, I was very reluctant. Part of me was asking, "Why can't SHE just write one if she's so interested in my work?" With an already OVER-EXTENDED schedule, I just couldn't fathom the time, energy or desire to do it properly and so became almost hard-hearten to the opportunity. Today, I'm glad she didn't give up on me. I'm so thankful she insisted I participate in her Intro to Screenwriting Workshops because I'm finding that writing screenplays offers me the same excitement that my fiction novels provide, at least when it comes to adapting one of my own novels.
I still have an over-extended schedule and it has caused this screenplay to be slow progressing, but it is progressing none-the-less. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, enough so that I'm doing what I can to remove some of my other responsibilities to make a little more time for this new-found love in my life. I know I have a long way to go and lot more to learn, but now I'm not so squeamish to give it a shot. Maybe because she's a great teacher more than I'm an eager learner.
I still don't know what Ms. Bowman's role will play in my life, but if it never goes any further than what it has already, she's been an important inspiration to me.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
December 1, 2011
Magnitized
I'm a very blessed person and have a colorful pallet of people in my life I am privileged to call friends. I couldn't say that 10 years ago, and couldn't even fathom the possibility 20 years ago, but something amazing has happened in and through me over these last few decades.
Have you ever smashed a magnet and then thrown the broken shards into a pile of other broken shards of metal objects? You get quite a reaction. Some parts cling together while other parts are separated as the polarizing effects of the magnetization fight for dominance. That was me growing up. I was a broken piece of magnet thrown amongst shards of metal. While there were always bits of metal that liked to cling to me, sort of like that children's game where you took the magnetized wand and moved the black pieces around a huge face to make funny hair and beards, the largest portion of me repelled everything around me. In an effort to put myself together I became coated with superglue, and as a result created a protective shield to keep anything from sticking.
Now I find that I'm made whole again, no superglue and no sharp edges. I still have a few cracks in me, but they too are beginning to fade. I also find that I'm equally able to draw and repel people in my life.
I look around me and see that I'm not just surrounded by like-minded people, or people with the same interests, talents or vocations. Many have differing political, religious and social views from me and each other, but somehow there's still an attraction. I have friends that are actors, writers, screenwriters, Pastors, world-wide evangelists, producers, publishers, business leaders, store clerks, waiters, politicians, activists, retirees, teachers, bus drivers, police officers, community volunteers, aide workers, nurses, lawyers, reviewers, reporters, bloggers, singers, musicians (got a house full of those), factory workers, electricians, buyers, sellers, jewelry makers. I have friends who have similar interests and beliefs, and those who don't. I freely speak, socialize and admire an array of diversity: such as liberals, conservatives, Christians, Jews, Agnostics, gays, straights, blacks, whites, and everything in-between, and much more. I can put a name and face to each of those descriptions and still wouldn't cover everyone.
There was a time in my life when I surrounded myself with only those who were like me, or who thought the same as me - but I found myself most often alone. Friends aren't people who agree with you - they're people who share who they truly are with you. They're not afraid to speak their mind for fear of your judgement or acceptance. That's not a friend. A friend loves you. They don't have to agree with you, they don't even have to believe and have faith in the same things you do. It's not a contest of who is right and who is wrong. We're human - sometimes we're both. You be who you are - 100% honest, truthful and open - and allow them to do the same - and you'll be surprised at how many friends you attract. Enjoy and learn from the diversity instead of allowing fear to keep you in your little boxes.
If you want friends in your life - show yourself friendly. If you want honesty in your life - be honest. What's amazing is that I still believe the same things I believed 10 years ago, but I don't live in a little box anymore and I have a lot more friends. Don't get me wrong - not everybody likes me. I'm as equally repellent to dishonest, angry, depressed and judgmental people - they can't stand to be around me, and that's just fine. I love my friends. You know who you are.
Look around and see who surrounds you - if you look close enough you might just get a glimpse at who you really are, not who you think you are. Now that's a scary thought!
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Have you ever smashed a magnet and then thrown the broken shards into a pile of other broken shards of metal objects? You get quite a reaction. Some parts cling together while other parts are separated as the polarizing effects of the magnetization fight for dominance. That was me growing up. I was a broken piece of magnet thrown amongst shards of metal. While there were always bits of metal that liked to cling to me, sort of like that children's game where you took the magnetized wand and moved the black pieces around a huge face to make funny hair and beards, the largest portion of me repelled everything around me. In an effort to put myself together I became coated with superglue, and as a result created a protective shield to keep anything from sticking.
Now I find that I'm made whole again, no superglue and no sharp edges. I still have a few cracks in me, but they too are beginning to fade. I also find that I'm equally able to draw and repel people in my life.
I look around me and see that I'm not just surrounded by like-minded people, or people with the same interests, talents or vocations. Many have differing political, religious and social views from me and each other, but somehow there's still an attraction. I have friends that are actors, writers, screenwriters, Pastors, world-wide evangelists, producers, publishers, business leaders, store clerks, waiters, politicians, activists, retirees, teachers, bus drivers, police officers, community volunteers, aide workers, nurses, lawyers, reviewers, reporters, bloggers, singers, musicians (got a house full of those), factory workers, electricians, buyers, sellers, jewelry makers. I have friends who have similar interests and beliefs, and those who don't. I freely speak, socialize and admire an array of diversity: such as liberals, conservatives, Christians, Jews, Agnostics, gays, straights, blacks, whites, and everything in-between, and much more. I can put a name and face to each of those descriptions and still wouldn't cover everyone.
There was a time in my life when I surrounded myself with only those who were like me, or who thought the same as me - but I found myself most often alone. Friends aren't people who agree with you - they're people who share who they truly are with you. They're not afraid to speak their mind for fear of your judgement or acceptance. That's not a friend. A friend loves you. They don't have to agree with you, they don't even have to believe and have faith in the same things you do. It's not a contest of who is right and who is wrong. We're human - sometimes we're both. You be who you are - 100% honest, truthful and open - and allow them to do the same - and you'll be surprised at how many friends you attract. Enjoy and learn from the diversity instead of allowing fear to keep you in your little boxes.
If you want friends in your life - show yourself friendly. If you want honesty in your life - be honest. What's amazing is that I still believe the same things I believed 10 years ago, but I don't live in a little box anymore and I have a lot more friends. Don't get me wrong - not everybody likes me. I'm as equally repellent to dishonest, angry, depressed and judgmental people - they can't stand to be around me, and that's just fine. I love my friends. You know who you are.
Look around and see who surrounds you - if you look close enough you might just get a glimpse at who you really are, not who you think you are. Now that's a scary thought!
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
November 29, 2011
Don't Worry - Be Happy
Ever since I became a Christian almost 20-years ago I've been taught, told and preached the concept of "Don't Worry - Be Happy" as if it were a decision as easily made as choosing between a pair of identical socks. But I find it a little more complicated to make that decision. I don't disagree with the concept, on the contrary I agree whole-heartily, I just have a difference of opinion when it comes to exercising the practice in everyday decisions and practical matters.
Sometimes I'll be going through my day, zipping through my responsibilities, fulfilling my obligations and not realize that I'm stressed from the burden of the panacea of things I'm worried about. If you asked me right out if something was worrying me, I'd answer with an emphatic "No". However, I'd be lying to myself - which is quite possible and often the culprit in 99% of the worry people carry.
What do I worry about - whether consciously or subconsciously? Let's see:
Education - With a daughter as a Junior in high school, this is the year for searching for grants, scholarships, and deciding what type of college, how to pay for that extended education and try to draw up a plan and budget to begin the process of fulfilling those dreams (which can change at any moment and then you'd have to start all over). I have a son about to enter the police academy, but first has to take a few courses at college to give him the best negotiating terms to obtain the desired position within the police force. Of course - all of this is without a college fund - and we're expected not to worry about it - it's only our children's future we're talking about here. I find juggling the ideas of responsibility/faith/obligation gets a little tricky sometimes. I'm a great debater and could possibly win on either term - but shouldn't they work together? God will make a way where there is no way. Economy - With the downturn in the economy and unemployment at all time record highs, business opportunities are not as viable as they were five years ago. The unemployment rate among teenagers is hovering at 95%, while college graduates are around 40%. When the top 1% are closing businesses and not investing in new ventures and technology due to high taxes and an unstable market - that means middle class workers like myself and those in school like my daughter - don't have many options. When business aren't hiring and laying off people, investors are tightening their belts and reluctant to part with their savings, and the political tensions and shallow promises are slung left and right blaming each other instead of coming up with solutions. We're asked to Hope for Change, yet things stay just the same. No matter how much I tell myself "don't worry", worry comes anyway. God is my provider. Health - With the high cost of health insurance, increase in taxes and the cost of living (groceries & gas) and decrease in pay - many of us have found ourselves between a rock and a hard place (too rich for Medicaid or free health care (unless illegal)/too poor for even your basic HMO) and have become uninsured. Now unable to participate in 'preventive' health care like physicals and regular checkups, I sit by and hope and pray nothing serious happens health-wise until I'm able to get back on my feet. Being over 40, I'm told how important it is to have a regular pap, physical and mammogram because the best defense against most conditions that effect women my age is early detection. Yet, I'm expected not to worry. God is my healer.These are just a few of the examples, there are many more. I'm trying to follow my dream as a writer, knowing this is the gift I've been given in which I operate best. Everyday I come against obstacles that want to crush that dream. I have to fight against the 'practical' in order to fulfill the dream. A war wages between Responsibility, Obligation and Desire. Each have their own requirements for fulfillment, often sacrificing one another.
It's said worry can kill you. I believe that. With worry comes stress, anxiety, oppression, depression, ulcers, acid reflux, low immune system and easy susceptibility for disease.
So, what is the answer? I wish there was an easy solution I could give you, but I can't. Some things motivate some people, some things motivate others, but everything doesn't work on everybody the same. We're unique individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses; we each have our own measure of faith. But, without HOPE - there's nothing. So, by FAITH, and the love I have for and through my Creator, I cling to that hope with all I possess - my God shall supply all my needs. Doesn't mean I'll get everything I want. My candidate may not win, my child may not get into the school of their choice, I may have do with just the basics for a time, my books may take a while before they hit the best sellers list - but I will prevail, I will overcome, I will succeed and I will rise again. I am happy right where I am - right in the middle of my little mess. THAT I don't worry about. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to work on the other things.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Sometimes I'll be going through my day, zipping through my responsibilities, fulfilling my obligations and not realize that I'm stressed from the burden of the panacea of things I'm worried about. If you asked me right out if something was worrying me, I'd answer with an emphatic "No". However, I'd be lying to myself - which is quite possible and often the culprit in 99% of the worry people carry.
What do I worry about - whether consciously or subconsciously? Let's see:
Education - With a daughter as a Junior in high school, this is the year for searching for grants, scholarships, and deciding what type of college, how to pay for that extended education and try to draw up a plan and budget to begin the process of fulfilling those dreams (which can change at any moment and then you'd have to start all over). I have a son about to enter the police academy, but first has to take a few courses at college to give him the best negotiating terms to obtain the desired position within the police force. Of course - all of this is without a college fund - and we're expected not to worry about it - it's only our children's future we're talking about here. I find juggling the ideas of responsibility/faith/obligation gets a little tricky sometimes. I'm a great debater and could possibly win on either term - but shouldn't they work together? God will make a way where there is no way. Economy - With the downturn in the economy and unemployment at all time record highs, business opportunities are not as viable as they were five years ago. The unemployment rate among teenagers is hovering at 95%, while college graduates are around 40%. When the top 1% are closing businesses and not investing in new ventures and technology due to high taxes and an unstable market - that means middle class workers like myself and those in school like my daughter - don't have many options. When business aren't hiring and laying off people, investors are tightening their belts and reluctant to part with their savings, and the political tensions and shallow promises are slung left and right blaming each other instead of coming up with solutions. We're asked to Hope for Change, yet things stay just the same. No matter how much I tell myself "don't worry", worry comes anyway. God is my provider. Health - With the high cost of health insurance, increase in taxes and the cost of living (groceries & gas) and decrease in pay - many of us have found ourselves between a rock and a hard place (too rich for Medicaid or free health care (unless illegal)/too poor for even your basic HMO) and have become uninsured. Now unable to participate in 'preventive' health care like physicals and regular checkups, I sit by and hope and pray nothing serious happens health-wise until I'm able to get back on my feet. Being over 40, I'm told how important it is to have a regular pap, physical and mammogram because the best defense against most conditions that effect women my age is early detection. Yet, I'm expected not to worry. God is my healer.These are just a few of the examples, there are many more. I'm trying to follow my dream as a writer, knowing this is the gift I've been given in which I operate best. Everyday I come against obstacles that want to crush that dream. I have to fight against the 'practical' in order to fulfill the dream. A war wages between Responsibility, Obligation and Desire. Each have their own requirements for fulfillment, often sacrificing one another.
It's said worry can kill you. I believe that. With worry comes stress, anxiety, oppression, depression, ulcers, acid reflux, low immune system and easy susceptibility for disease.
So, what is the answer? I wish there was an easy solution I could give you, but I can't. Some things motivate some people, some things motivate others, but everything doesn't work on everybody the same. We're unique individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses; we each have our own measure of faith. But, without HOPE - there's nothing. So, by FAITH, and the love I have for and through my Creator, I cling to that hope with all I possess - my God shall supply all my needs. Doesn't mean I'll get everything I want. My candidate may not win, my child may not get into the school of their choice, I may have do with just the basics for a time, my books may take a while before they hit the best sellers list - but I will prevail, I will overcome, I will succeed and I will rise again. I am happy right where I am - right in the middle of my little mess. THAT I don't worry about. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to work on the other things.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
November 28, 2011
Hallmark Movies - Why I Have a Love/Hate Relationship
Every year, starting the day after Thanksgiving (I refuse to watch a Christmas movie before that date), my husband and I begin watching Christmas movies, especially the feel-good Hallmark Originals. Yeah, my husband loves them too and he's not ashamed to admit it (at least that's what he tells me).
I have a love/hate relationship with these movies. I hate them on the one hand because they're so predictable. Within the first five minutes while the opening scene tittles along, I've already figured out the major plot, know exactly what the turning point point will be, and the solution is clearly written in the snow flakes that are bound to fall during the Christmas Eve miracle scene. However, I love them for those exact same reasons. I know beyond all uncertainty EVERYTHING will work out in the end. In a world full of chaos, disappointment, struggle and strife - my soul yearns to see miracles, to watch the sparkle of magic and to believe in the unbelievable. That's a Hallmark movie wrapped in it's golden bow.
So, despite their predictability and lack of imagination, I recommend everyone to sit back, prop your feet up on a foot rest, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, fill a bowl full of popcorn, and sip on a large mug of hot chocolate as you sit back with your loved ones and watch a wholesome, magical, and inspiring Hallmark movie. (No, I'm not a paid spokesperson for Hallmark.)
You never know what miracles you'll be inspired to believe when it's over.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
I have a love/hate relationship with these movies. I hate them on the one hand because they're so predictable. Within the first five minutes while the opening scene tittles along, I've already figured out the major plot, know exactly what the turning point point will be, and the solution is clearly written in the snow flakes that are bound to fall during the Christmas Eve miracle scene. However, I love them for those exact same reasons. I know beyond all uncertainty EVERYTHING will work out in the end. In a world full of chaos, disappointment, struggle and strife - my soul yearns to see miracles, to watch the sparkle of magic and to believe in the unbelievable. That's a Hallmark movie wrapped in it's golden bow.
So, despite their predictability and lack of imagination, I recommend everyone to sit back, prop your feet up on a foot rest, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, fill a bowl full of popcorn, and sip on a large mug of hot chocolate as you sit back with your loved ones and watch a wholesome, magical, and inspiring Hallmark movie. (No, I'm not a paid spokesperson for Hallmark.)
You never know what miracles you'll be inspired to believe when it's over.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
November 23, 2011
Writing - Why It's Better Than Sex
I must begin this blog by telling you I'm 40, not 20. I'm not sure a 20-year old would understand half of what I'm about to say, so there's no sense for them to read past this sentence. Now for the rest of us - let me try to briefly explain why I think writing is better than sex.
Sex only provides a temporary sense of satisfaction, that is if it's done properly. In order for it to be of use at a later point in time, it would have to be repeated. Not so with writing. A brief moment of brilliance can be recorded and revisited any time in the present or future.Sex requires the participation of two or (as in some cases) more individuals. Masturbation doesn't count. Writing can be a collaborative effort, but it only requires one person, one mind, one idea and be equally, if not more, satisfying. Sex requires great physical exertion and writing only requires the minimum effort- mostly from the largest muscle in the body - the brain. For those with physical disabilities, sex isn't an option. With many of today's technological advances, even paraplegics and the severely handicapped are able to express their thoughts and ideas in written/electronic form. Sex carries a risk of disease, unwanted pregnancy and physical harm. Writing only carries the risk of a bad idea or carpel tunnel syndrome. Sex confuses emotions. Writing helps to sort them out.I could go on and on, but I think I'll stop there. I've heard, more times than I'd like to admit of people expressing the idea that they couldn't live without sex. Of course, this is usually spouted from young people whose hormones are raging without much self control, or perverts who really need a lot of help. I'm older now, a little bit more wiser and can see the world beyond physical satisfaction. I too once thought the world revolved around me, but my eyes have widened and I realize there's a whole world of people out there and we all are on the same rotating rock. I too used to think 'sex' was the answer to a lot of things, but having been through many things I've learned sex only complicated matters, never solved them.
Emotions, physical or not, are most often misleading. Our outbursts sometimes are not directly linked to the things we say with our mouths. It's only a symptom of a much deeper issue - one we're usually trying to avoid. Sex often times is usually evoked to mask or ignore those symptoms in a hope of making them disappear. Those stubborn issues don't go away until we face them, no matter how much sex we have. Writing has been the avenue for me that brings those deep-seeded issues to the surface - forcing me to see them, face them and then act to deal with them. Sex has never done that for me.
Now, I just want to make it perfectly clear that I have NOTHING against sex. I like sex. I'm just saying that in my experience with both sex and writing, I find writing the better of the two.
Now, for those whose cheeks are pink at the bluntness of this subject, surprised by my audacity to speak about such a taboo and dirty-little subject - you can go back into your little boxes. I'm done for the day. I bet throughout this day or in the days to come, you too will come across another reason why writing is better than sex. And for those of you who NEVER write - I want you to know I still believe in miracles.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
Sex only provides a temporary sense of satisfaction, that is if it's done properly. In order for it to be of use at a later point in time, it would have to be repeated. Not so with writing. A brief moment of brilliance can be recorded and revisited any time in the present or future.Sex requires the participation of two or (as in some cases) more individuals. Masturbation doesn't count. Writing can be a collaborative effort, but it only requires one person, one mind, one idea and be equally, if not more, satisfying. Sex requires great physical exertion and writing only requires the minimum effort- mostly from the largest muscle in the body - the brain. For those with physical disabilities, sex isn't an option. With many of today's technological advances, even paraplegics and the severely handicapped are able to express their thoughts and ideas in written/electronic form. Sex carries a risk of disease, unwanted pregnancy and physical harm. Writing only carries the risk of a bad idea or carpel tunnel syndrome. Sex confuses emotions. Writing helps to sort them out.I could go on and on, but I think I'll stop there. I've heard, more times than I'd like to admit of people expressing the idea that they couldn't live without sex. Of course, this is usually spouted from young people whose hormones are raging without much self control, or perverts who really need a lot of help. I'm older now, a little bit more wiser and can see the world beyond physical satisfaction. I too once thought the world revolved around me, but my eyes have widened and I realize there's a whole world of people out there and we all are on the same rotating rock. I too used to think 'sex' was the answer to a lot of things, but having been through many things I've learned sex only complicated matters, never solved them.
Emotions, physical or not, are most often misleading. Our outbursts sometimes are not directly linked to the things we say with our mouths. It's only a symptom of a much deeper issue - one we're usually trying to avoid. Sex often times is usually evoked to mask or ignore those symptoms in a hope of making them disappear. Those stubborn issues don't go away until we face them, no matter how much sex we have. Writing has been the avenue for me that brings those deep-seeded issues to the surface - forcing me to see them, face them and then act to deal with them. Sex has never done that for me.
Now, I just want to make it perfectly clear that I have NOTHING against sex. I like sex. I'm just saying that in my experience with both sex and writing, I find writing the better of the two.
Now, for those whose cheeks are pink at the bluntness of this subject, surprised by my audacity to speak about such a taboo and dirty-little subject - you can go back into your little boxes. I'm done for the day. I bet throughout this day or in the days to come, you too will come across another reason why writing is better than sex. And for those of you who NEVER write - I want you to know I still believe in miracles.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
November 22, 2011
Family Hope
It's always this time of year that everywhere I look I'm reminded of family, and by outward appearances all these families look happy and healthy making me feel inadequate. But, the reality of the situation and the truth of the matter is that NO family is at it appears. We are fallible beings in fallible situations; full of mistakes, regrets and failures. We are human. We have a choice to allow those human frailties to either define us and keep us enslaved to these failures, or rise out of them by making the right choices to rectify, repent and restore.
If you know me in any degree, you know that I come from a very fractured family; a big family - with really big problems. I spent so much of my life running and hiding from those problems, fighting against their suppression and determining in my heart not to fall into the same traps I've watched family member after family member become victim. But, I can't escape them all. Their tentacles seem to reach out at different times and strike debilitating blows at unsuspecting times; usually when I'm trying to bridge a gap, lend a helping hand or give another chance. Naturally - I don't reach out much anymore; opting for separation as a means of protection from a lot of pain and heartache.
Not all is lost. No matter how grave the situation seems, or how long the separation has been - there's always hope. That's what makes us family. We hide this tiny measure of hope in our hearts, sometimes so deep we forget about it and ignore it all together, but it's there - it's alive and at the right time, in the right season it will begin to grow and produce a fruit.
Case in point: All my life I hated my mother. I didn't dislike her, I hated her. My animosity seeded deep to the point I couldn't stand to even look at her. She seemed a hideous monster to me. I thought she was cruel. She failed to protect her children from a predator. She never told me she loved me. She lashed out at me in anger, blaming me for her failures. She left me to carry a burden that wasn't mine. I had to take care of her, instead of her taking care of me. I only saw her as a selfish monster. When I left home as an angry young girl, I didn't look back and I had no regrets. It wasn't until my oldest daughter became a teenager that I saw my mother as she really was, not the picture I had painted of her - and realized we were same. She was as much a victim as I was, but even worse - she didn't escape like I had. My hate turned to pity, and then I grieved for the life that was stolen from her, and from me.
I'm choosing to build a relationship with my mother. I visit with her every week. I read to her, I talk to her and just be with her. I don't demand anything of her, I don't seek anything from her. I don't pretend the past never happened, but I don't dwell on it either. A few weeks ago she told me she loved me for the first time. That's a miracle. A few years ago when my father died she pretended I didn't even exist at his funeral. A few days ago she had my picture and news article about my new book release posted on her wall.
It's never too late. We still have a very long way to go, but we're much farther than where we began. I can't say the same thing about my brothers. I still don't trust them, and still don't want them in my life. The reconciliation with my oldest daughter holds the largest measure of hope in my heart. I'm not strong enough to give life to that buried hope. But, my God is capable of doing abundantly more than I can ever hope or imagine.
So, when you are spending time with your families this holiday season and things don't quite turn out as you had hoped, remember there is still a measure of hope deep inside that is filled with enough life to see this thing turn around. It may not be right now or how you want - but it's not hopeless. With God all things are possible.
Happy Thanksgiving!
~T.L. Gray
Ps. Happy Birthday, Ricky! After eighteen years together, I still like you a whole lot!
If you know me in any degree, you know that I come from a very fractured family; a big family - with really big problems. I spent so much of my life running and hiding from those problems, fighting against their suppression and determining in my heart not to fall into the same traps I've watched family member after family member become victim. But, I can't escape them all. Their tentacles seem to reach out at different times and strike debilitating blows at unsuspecting times; usually when I'm trying to bridge a gap, lend a helping hand or give another chance. Naturally - I don't reach out much anymore; opting for separation as a means of protection from a lot of pain and heartache.
Not all is lost. No matter how grave the situation seems, or how long the separation has been - there's always hope. That's what makes us family. We hide this tiny measure of hope in our hearts, sometimes so deep we forget about it and ignore it all together, but it's there - it's alive and at the right time, in the right season it will begin to grow and produce a fruit.
Case in point: All my life I hated my mother. I didn't dislike her, I hated her. My animosity seeded deep to the point I couldn't stand to even look at her. She seemed a hideous monster to me. I thought she was cruel. She failed to protect her children from a predator. She never told me she loved me. She lashed out at me in anger, blaming me for her failures. She left me to carry a burden that wasn't mine. I had to take care of her, instead of her taking care of me. I only saw her as a selfish monster. When I left home as an angry young girl, I didn't look back and I had no regrets. It wasn't until my oldest daughter became a teenager that I saw my mother as she really was, not the picture I had painted of her - and realized we were same. She was as much a victim as I was, but even worse - she didn't escape like I had. My hate turned to pity, and then I grieved for the life that was stolen from her, and from me.
I'm choosing to build a relationship with my mother. I visit with her every week. I read to her, I talk to her and just be with her. I don't demand anything of her, I don't seek anything from her. I don't pretend the past never happened, but I don't dwell on it either. A few weeks ago she told me she loved me for the first time. That's a miracle. A few years ago when my father died she pretended I didn't even exist at his funeral. A few days ago she had my picture and news article about my new book release posted on her wall.
It's never too late. We still have a very long way to go, but we're much farther than where we began. I can't say the same thing about my brothers. I still don't trust them, and still don't want them in my life. The reconciliation with my oldest daughter holds the largest measure of hope in my heart. I'm not strong enough to give life to that buried hope. But, my God is capable of doing abundantly more than I can ever hope or imagine.
So, when you are spending time with your families this holiday season and things don't quite turn out as you had hoped, remember there is still a measure of hope deep inside that is filled with enough life to see this thing turn around. It may not be right now or how you want - but it's not hopeless. With God all things are possible.
Happy Thanksgiving!
~T.L. Gray
Ps. Happy Birthday, Ricky! After eighteen years together, I still like you a whole lot!
November 21, 2011
Thanksgiving-Minded
Our mindsets totally dictate to us how we think, how we act and most importantly how we react to every situation and circumstance in our life. Those mindsets are formed through a compilation of thoughts and experiences we've accumulated throughout our existence since birth. We can tell ourselves to exhaustion that they are of our own making and choosing, but that's just one of the dozens of lies we tell ourselves everyday. We have this obsession to try and understand the world around us, but our efforts are in vain. No matter how much we think we know - there's a large vastness of the things we don't know or understand.
In the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday I've been thinking about those people who've been lucky enough to be "Thanksgiving-minded". I'm not talking about being mindful of the holiday. Most of us don't even give a second thought to the yearly event until the day after Halloween. Much like I try not to even delay the concept of Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving (though that gets harder and harder to do when commercials, stores and businesses all around me start advertising, celebrating and reminding us earlier and earlier each year.)
Being Thanksgiving-minded is having a mindset and a spirit of being 'thankful' everyday. Having grown up in a large family that never said the words "thank-you", either as a polite courtesy or attitude of gratitude, to one another or anyone else. It took me a few years on my own as an adult to formulate the habit. The words felt strange on my lips and often came as a gesture long after an appropriate action that granted its favor thereby never reaching it's intended target. I've had many people comment to me in my past how 'ungrateful' they thought I was because I never said the words.
I can understand their sentiment, though I disagree. I've always been a very thankful and grateful person. I'm a giver, a helper, and have sacrificed my own wants and needs for others on countless occasions. I just didn't know how to express myself through two simple words. I don't say words just to say words. I only say what I truly mean. Often times it gets me into trouble because I'm not perfect and my speech reveals that imperfection. I show my gratitude by my actions and my deeds.
I'm learning to say thank-you more often. I say it when someone does something for me out of the goodness of their heart, or just out politeness. I say it even when I'm the one who offers help. I say it when someone has wronged me or set themselves to discredit or injure me - often reflecting blame of an indiscretion to preserve the peace over non-sensible issues. I don't accept responsibility for things I'm not guilty, but when feelings are involved - I choose to keep the peace and apologize despite my innocence or guilt. I say thank-you when a door is open for me or when I open one for someone else. I say thank you for a word of encouragement or of rebuke. Both are equally important and beneficial. I say thank you to strangers, friends and family. I say thank you to the cashier at the grocer store even though they're just doing their job. I say thank you to the drive-through employee as they take my money and hand me my food. I say thank you to the clerk at the tax office as I hand over my payment. I say thank you to the parking attendant as I pay my fees. I say thank you to the waiter who fills my drink. I say thank you the husband who holds the umbrella over my head. I say thank you to the daughter to who puts away the dishes. I say thank you to the son who stopped by the store and grabbed a last minute item on his way home. I say thank you to the writers club member who pointed out an error in my latest chapter. I say thank you to the mother-in-law for their 10th reminder of upcoming holiday plans. I say thank you to my God for all He has done for me.
I don't say thank you to receive one in kind, yet I hope that I can inspire the practice. I've noticed that this world is getting more and more 'un-thankful' and turning to a more "entitled-mindset". I find that sad. That makes me even more thankful that I'm not a part of it.
Don't just let Thanksgiving be the only time you give thanks. Let it be a time to celebrate that you're able to give thanks at all times.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
In the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday I've been thinking about those people who've been lucky enough to be "Thanksgiving-minded". I'm not talking about being mindful of the holiday. Most of us don't even give a second thought to the yearly event until the day after Halloween. Much like I try not to even delay the concept of Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving (though that gets harder and harder to do when commercials, stores and businesses all around me start advertising, celebrating and reminding us earlier and earlier each year.)
Being Thanksgiving-minded is having a mindset and a spirit of being 'thankful' everyday. Having grown up in a large family that never said the words "thank-you", either as a polite courtesy or attitude of gratitude, to one another or anyone else. It took me a few years on my own as an adult to formulate the habit. The words felt strange on my lips and often came as a gesture long after an appropriate action that granted its favor thereby never reaching it's intended target. I've had many people comment to me in my past how 'ungrateful' they thought I was because I never said the words.
I can understand their sentiment, though I disagree. I've always been a very thankful and grateful person. I'm a giver, a helper, and have sacrificed my own wants and needs for others on countless occasions. I just didn't know how to express myself through two simple words. I don't say words just to say words. I only say what I truly mean. Often times it gets me into trouble because I'm not perfect and my speech reveals that imperfection. I show my gratitude by my actions and my deeds.
I'm learning to say thank-you more often. I say it when someone does something for me out of the goodness of their heart, or just out politeness. I say it even when I'm the one who offers help. I say it when someone has wronged me or set themselves to discredit or injure me - often reflecting blame of an indiscretion to preserve the peace over non-sensible issues. I don't accept responsibility for things I'm not guilty, but when feelings are involved - I choose to keep the peace and apologize despite my innocence or guilt. I say thank-you when a door is open for me or when I open one for someone else. I say thank you for a word of encouragement or of rebuke. Both are equally important and beneficial. I say thank you to strangers, friends and family. I say thank you to the cashier at the grocer store even though they're just doing their job. I say thank you to the drive-through employee as they take my money and hand me my food. I say thank you to the clerk at the tax office as I hand over my payment. I say thank you to the parking attendant as I pay my fees. I say thank you to the waiter who fills my drink. I say thank you the husband who holds the umbrella over my head. I say thank you to the daughter to who puts away the dishes. I say thank you to the son who stopped by the store and grabbed a last minute item on his way home. I say thank you to the writers club member who pointed out an error in my latest chapter. I say thank you to the mother-in-law for their 10th reminder of upcoming holiday plans. I say thank you to my God for all He has done for me.
I don't say thank you to receive one in kind, yet I hope that I can inspire the practice. I've noticed that this world is getting more and more 'un-thankful' and turning to a more "entitled-mindset". I find that sad. That makes me even more thankful that I'm not a part of it.
Don't just let Thanksgiving be the only time you give thanks. Let it be a time to celebrate that you're able to give thanks at all times.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
November 18, 2011
Our Own Undoing
I've often spouted the phrase, "We can't always control what evil happens to us in this world, but we have complete control in how we respond." It's pretty much one of the fundamental mottoes in which I live by on a daily basis. It has helped me work through and overcome some really tragic incidences in my life and I'm grateful for it. When the world tried to annihilate me and destroy my self-esteem, it is the banner I waved above my head that gave me strength and led me to victory. I couldn't tell you how it materialized into the very fabric of my being, I only recognize its existence. I'm not smart enough to have created it; but I'm thankful it was revealed to me. This morning, however, I think I may have stumbled upon a part of its foundation.
I came across a Scripture that at first seemed innocuous, but my eyes kept drifting back to it. This is what I discovered:
Micah 2:1 - "Woe to those who plan iniquity, to those who plot evil on their beds." This tells me that our actions start as thoughts, and then if nurtured turn into dreams (on their beds). Plans are not spontaneous, but are contemplated plots. No matter how much I wanted my abusers to choose something else, they continued to choose to hurt me. Their actions battled daily against my self-esteem and self-worth. The world judged me as unclean, unworthy and unlovable. Just as my abuser had the freedom to choose something else, to cast down those thoughts and change those dreams, they did not. Yet I was not completely without a choice of my own - the choice of how I was to respond, how I would allow their evil plots and actions to affect me and cause me to respond.
Micah 2:2 - "At morning's light they carry it out because it is in their power to do it." When it comes time to act out our plots, we have the power and freedom to carry them out. We all have been given free will. We have a choice to do evil or not. That's why evil is rampant in our world, because people who plot evil are free to carry their evil dreams out. It's not right; it's not fair, but it is how it is. Those of us who are victims of these evil plotters can't control the choices they make - only the choices we make for ourselves. My abuser ALWAYS had the choice not to act on their plans for me. I ALWAYS had the choice of my response.
Micah 2:3 - "Therefore the Lord says, 'I am planning disaster against this people.'" Just as evil plotters have the power to carry out their plans and dreams, God also has the power to carry out His own plots. By their choices and their decisions to act on them - these evil plotters released the Word, power and promises of God's wrath and judgment into their own lives. Without any action on my part, all those who've ever raised their hands against me to do harm and hurt me have succumbed to either death, disease or destruction. It reminds me of a scene in The Count of Monte Cristo where Edmond etches the phrase into the wall of his dungeon cell, "God will give me justice."
Micah 2:3 (cont'd) - "...from which you cannot save yourselves." Once the evil plot is set into motion (given life), the Lord's plans are also set in motion, and there's nothing the evil plotters can do to save themselves from the judgement and action to come. In essence - the evil plotter is the one who set his own destruction into action by this own will and deeds.
I pray mercy for those who have set their minds, plans and plots of evil against me or anyone else. They are set to destroy themselves. I suspect that 'themselves' are the last person they blame for their own destruction. Ultimately, we are our own undoing. I've learned to check myself first before I dare begin to point toward someone else, because I don't want to fall into the trap of setting evil plans and end up bringing about my own destruction.
These brings some other phrases to mind:
You will reap what you sow.What comes around, goes around. Do not return evil for evil, but repay evil with good - thereby heaping hot coals onto your adversary's head.Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
I came across a Scripture that at first seemed innocuous, but my eyes kept drifting back to it. This is what I discovered:
Micah 2:1 - "Woe to those who plan iniquity, to those who plot evil on their beds." This tells me that our actions start as thoughts, and then if nurtured turn into dreams (on their beds). Plans are not spontaneous, but are contemplated plots. No matter how much I wanted my abusers to choose something else, they continued to choose to hurt me. Their actions battled daily against my self-esteem and self-worth. The world judged me as unclean, unworthy and unlovable. Just as my abuser had the freedom to choose something else, to cast down those thoughts and change those dreams, they did not. Yet I was not completely without a choice of my own - the choice of how I was to respond, how I would allow their evil plots and actions to affect me and cause me to respond.
Micah 2:2 - "At morning's light they carry it out because it is in their power to do it." When it comes time to act out our plots, we have the power and freedom to carry them out. We all have been given free will. We have a choice to do evil or not. That's why evil is rampant in our world, because people who plot evil are free to carry their evil dreams out. It's not right; it's not fair, but it is how it is. Those of us who are victims of these evil plotters can't control the choices they make - only the choices we make for ourselves. My abuser ALWAYS had the choice not to act on their plans for me. I ALWAYS had the choice of my response.
Micah 2:3 - "Therefore the Lord says, 'I am planning disaster against this people.'" Just as evil plotters have the power to carry out their plans and dreams, God also has the power to carry out His own plots. By their choices and their decisions to act on them - these evil plotters released the Word, power and promises of God's wrath and judgment into their own lives. Without any action on my part, all those who've ever raised their hands against me to do harm and hurt me have succumbed to either death, disease or destruction. It reminds me of a scene in The Count of Monte Cristo where Edmond etches the phrase into the wall of his dungeon cell, "God will give me justice."
Micah 2:3 (cont'd) - "...from which you cannot save yourselves." Once the evil plot is set into motion (given life), the Lord's plans are also set in motion, and there's nothing the evil plotters can do to save themselves from the judgement and action to come. In essence - the evil plotter is the one who set his own destruction into action by this own will and deeds.
I pray mercy for those who have set their minds, plans and plots of evil against me or anyone else. They are set to destroy themselves. I suspect that 'themselves' are the last person they blame for their own destruction. Ultimately, we are our own undoing. I've learned to check myself first before I dare begin to point toward someone else, because I don't want to fall into the trap of setting evil plans and end up bringing about my own destruction.
These brings some other phrases to mind:
You will reap what you sow.What comes around, goes around. Do not return evil for evil, but repay evil with good - thereby heaping hot coals onto your adversary's head.Till next time,
~T.L. Gray
