Liisa Kyle's Blog, page 3

Do Less to Do More

By photo taken by flickr user *Micky* (flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], via Wikimedia Commons

We DaVincis have a tendency to set our sights on accomplishing more than we ever could during a given time period. We write such long ‘to do’ lists that whatever we do get done seems minimal compared to all there is left to so.  The tendency to over-subscribe ourselves is understandable — we are juggling multiple talents, projects, roles and ideas so yes, we have an awful lot to do.  However it’s also not particularly helpful.The Costs of Too Long ‘To Do’ Lists1.  They may foster a chronic state of dissatisfactionIt feels awful to fall short of our ambitious plans, day after day.  This can be demotivating, frustrating and stressful. We can feel like losers.  We can feel hopeless  — like  we are bailing out a sinking boat with a teaspoon.2.  They make it harder to keep going.Whenever we’re feeling unproductive in the grand scheme of things, it requires more energy to get things done.  We tend to experience procrastination, fear, feelings of being overwhelmed and other self-made obstacles.3.  They devalue whatever does get done.No matter what you accomplish, it is dwarfed by all that remains to be done.  Whether it’s a small errand, a key milestone or a major triumph, it pales against the background of everything left to do.4.  They can throw life out of balance.Whenever you’re scrambling around, wielding overly long to do lists, something gets short shrift.  It might be your health or your domestic responsibilities or your long-term dreams.If any of this sounds familiar, consider an alternative to long ‘to do’ lists:   Often, by aiming to do less, we can do more.Each morning, begin your day by choosing your top priorities.Rather than chronicling every single thing you could conceivable do and every item you ‘should’ do, focus on only two or three things per day.  Ideally you would commence each day by selecting one key task in each of two or three areas of life.  Let’s say, you choose whatever would be most important in your work life, in your domestic life and  in terms of your health.  For example, the most important things I could do today would be to spend at least an hour on my upcoming book, to clean my dogs’ ears, and to go to Zumba class.I can sense you balking already — I can sense you judging my choices as ‘lame’ and wailing “Maybe you can operate this way, but I have WAY too much to do!”  Pause for a moment and let me continue.  Understand that of course I have many dozens of items I could be doing today.  That’s not the point.This point is that by setting the intention to accomplish my top priorities, they will get done.   Moreover, since they are simple, easy, concrete tasks they will be completed without stress, muss, guilt, procrastination, gnashing of teeth, or rending of garments.  Further as each of the three tasks gets done, I will earn a sense of accomplishment and gain a boost in energy.  Because my choices span three different life domains, my actions are fostering life balance.Sound good?  Here’s the best part:  Once these items are completed, I’m free to do more.  Whatever else I do is icing on the proverbial cake. This  means that whatever else I get done today, I’ll feel that much better, that much more productive, that much more competent, that much more fulfilled and satisfied.However, if something should prevent me from doing more that these priorities today, it’s okay.  I won’t despair or feel anxious or guilty or lazy or stressed.  I’ve already set out what I intended for the day.If I’m consistent over time — if I use this technique every day — I am setting myself up for chronic success and satisfaction over time.  By definition, I’ll be getting done whatever is most important in different areas of life.  That’s all any of us can reasonably expect to do.As DaVincis, we will NEVER get it all done. We will always be generating new projects, ideas and opportunities for our many talents.  It is unfair, if not cruel, to expect some magical moment when our behemoth ‘to do’ lists will be completely completed. It is more reasonable — and kinder — to aim for steady progress.  To find contentment in what does get done, whatever it is.This approach might feel like ‘cheating’ — that you’re being lazy.  It may seem counter-intuitive.  But to the extent you can park the lengthy ‘to do’s’ and focus on only two or three daily priorities, the more you will get done, with less stress and with more satisfaction.***Activity:

Today, what is one important thing you could do for yourself? (Write it down)

Today, what is one important thing you could do for your business, profession, career or vocation? (Write it down)

What is one important thing you could do for your household today? (Write it down)

Today, focus on these three items.  Avoid  tackling other activities until these three things are completed.

 Bonus activity:  repeat this process every day this week.

***

Want more tips and techniques on getting things done?  Check out my book  YOU CAN GET IT DONE:  Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish

Available here in Hardcover, paperback & eBook formats: http://bit.ly/YouCanGetItDone

***

Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at  http://www.davincidilemma.com/  .

Make the Most of 2024

What would you like to do with 2024?

Some people like to set specific goals for the New Year.  Others prefer to give some general attention to a particular area of their life.  Keith’s priority in 2024 is to focus on his health.  Maria’s is to relax.  Maybe you’d like to travel.  Or learn.  Or create.  Or do good deeds.  Perhaps you’d like this to be the “Year of Fun”.  Maybe you’ve been overly career driven and this is the year you’ve like to give more attention to your home life.

It’s entirely up to you:  What would you like to experience this year?  What’s important to you?  What would you like to explore or learn?  What would you like to accomplish, acquire, or complete?

The beginning of a New Year is a terrific time to pause and ask yourself these questions.  New Year’s Eve is more than just a festive excuse to party…it’s a chance for a fresh start.  Kinda like pressing a personal “re-start button.”  If you choose to do so, you can use the opportunity to look back at the preceding year and take stock of your present circumstances.  You can identify what’s working well for you and what’s not.  You can make thoughtful, purposeful decisions about how to live the next twelve months.  With a little forethought, New Year’s Eve can be a pivot point to do more of what you love and less of what you don’t.

If this sounds appealing, I’ve developed a workbook to guide you through a process to make the most of the coming year.  It’s completely up to you:  What would you like to do, experience, explore, learn, accomplish, acquire, or complete in 2024?

Note the emphasis on you.  You.  Not what your Mom or your boss or your childhood chum might want.  What kind of year would you like 2024 to be?  What matters to you at this point in your life?

What would it mean to you if you made the most of 2024?

Whatever your desires for 2024, I can help.  I’m an author, life coach, and Ph.D. in Psychology who has spent the past twenty years helping people get things done, get organized, and get more out of life.  I’ve coached individuals, facilitated groups, and taught inventive workshops on four continents.

I’ve designed this book so you can get the most out of 2024.  Think of it as a personal seminar with a recognized expert, tailored to your unique circumstances and preferences.  Inside this workbook are proven tools you can work through at your own pace to foster whatever is important to you.

That’s what makes this book special.  It’s a flexible guide that will elicit different responses in everyone who uses it.  It’s up to you to apply your distinctive perspective to create and implement a plan suitable to your particular circumstances.

Think of it as a Self-Guided Workshop you can work through at your own pace to:

understand and appreciate 2023generate ideas for all areas of your lifeidentify your true top priorities for 2024make achievable plans for 2024keep yourself on track all year

A Word About “Resolutions”

The way most people do traditional “New Year’s Resolutions” is not very effective.  They tend to be overblown “To Do” lists that become a source of unnecessary frustration.  They can be overwhelming or intimidating.  They often become abandoned which can cause guilt, shame, and a sense of failure.

The alternative is to create a prudent plan that can be reasonably implemented, given your specific circumstances.  That’s the purpose of this workbook.

If you’ve been disappointed by past attempts at “New Year’s Resolutions”, let me reassure you.  As a life coach, I’ve developed proven techniques for you to figure out what you want and then devise achievable plans to make that happen.

Maybe you’d like to set some specific goals.  Perhaps you’d like to solve a problem.  Or participate in some key activities to enhance your life.  Or establish new habits or practices that are uniquely gratifying to you.  It could be that you have an unfulfilled dream or an unfinished project on which you are yearning to make some progress.  Maybe you’d like to reduce or eliminate an unhelpful or unhealthy habit.

It’s up to you.  Using this workbook as a guide, you have the opportunity to figure out what’s right for you, right now, to make the most of 2023 — then devise achievable plans suitable to your particular circumstances.  The Planner/Calendar is designed to help you actually do what you intend.

Give yourself — or someone else — the give of a wonderful 2024.  Hardcover, paperback & eBook formats available here:  https://bit.ly/MakeTheMostOf2024

A Good Day

By Jessie Eastland [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], from Wikimedia Commons

Ever had one of “those” days? You wake up in a foul mood and have to drag yourself up and out the door, dreading the day…and lo and behold, the day is dreadful. Icky things keep happening. Conflicts arise. You can’t wait for the day to end to put all this unpleasantness behind you.

Now think about a really good day you’ve had. You wake up and all seems right with the world. You look forward to pleasant things unfolding during the day . . .  and, gosh . . . they do. Pleasant surprises occur to delight you. Your heart swells. People around you smile. At the end of the day, you reflect back and think about how good your life is.

How we frame our intentions for the day can have huge implications for how it unfolds. If we expect to have a good day, we do. If we don’t, we don’t.

You may well balk, saying something like, “Well it all depends on what happens during the day. I have no control over what happens.”

Yes, things happen. “Bad” things and “good” things occur every day. What differs, however, is how we process what unfolds. Ample research has shown that if we’re in a foul mood, “bad” events seem catastrophic, permanent, and a negative reflection on us, personally. If, in contrast, we’re in a positive frame of mind, “bad” events seem less severe, temporary, and external — having little to do with us, personally.

This doesn’t mean you need to be a naive PollyAnna, blithely believing that everything is hunky dory, regardless of reality. It means that, to the extent you expect to have a good day, you will. Whatever arises that is “bad”, you will process more rationally and you will deal with more effectively — without allowing it to define you as a person or otherwise ruin your life.

Even better, it’s easy to set yourself up to expect to have a good day. It’s as simple as taking a few moments early in your day to answer the question, “what would make today a good day?”. Make a list. Consider including:

* things you’d like to do — and that you expect you will do (e.g. finish that report; exercise for at least thirty minutes; listen to music). [Note: Avoid putting down a dozen ‘to do’s you have no hope of accomplishing before bedtime. Instead, only include activities you believe are do-able today].

* things you’d like to avoid (e.g. no complaining; no gossiping; no snacks between lunch and dinner)

* things you’d like to limit (e.g. a maximum of thirty minutes surfing social media; avoid checking email until noon; just one beer tonight)

Include at least one action step for whatever project or activity is your top priority or most fulfilling or most important to you.

Include at least one item devoted to your personal self-care. (e.g. eat a salad; have a nap)

Once you make your list, you have a choice:

Option 1: Keep your list with you and check off items as they occur.

Option 2: At the end of the day, review your list and check off those that manifested.

Personally, I prefer Option 1 because every time I put a checkmark beside an intention, it feels great and it gives me a little mood boost. It’s also cumulative: The more good things I see happening during the day, the more I enjoy the day, the more positive my outlook, the more pleasant my experiences, and so forth.

When I give this assignment to my coaching clients, they may be skeptical at first but as soon as they try it, they see the benefits. They feel better. They get more done. They are more pleasant to be around so they see a marked improvement in their personal and professional interactions and relationships. They look forward to the next day.

Many of the strongest skeptics become zealots for the technique, practicing it daily and encouraging others to do the same.

Try this activity tomorrow. See what happens.

***

 Activity: Tomorrow morning, make arrangements to spend five minutes first thing (or as early as you can fit into your day).

Ask yourself:  what elements would make today a good day?  Write down a list. Consider things you’d like to do — or not do. Include at least one action step for whatever project or activity is most important to you as well as at least one item of self-care.

Option 1: Keep your list with you and check off those items that manifest, as they occur.

Option 2: At the end of the day, review your list and check off those that manifested.

Bonus activity:  repeat this activity several more times this week.

***

Variation: A Very Good Day

If the Good Day technique works well for you, consider this variation: As you make your “Good Day” list, make a short list alongside it answering the question, “What would make this a VERY Good Day”. Select a few items, including:

* one activity you’d really *like* to do but doubt you’ll have time for today (e.g. an hour in my workshop/studio). [The idea here is to highlight what would be tops on your list if you find some extra time. This way, if you do manage to fit it into your day, it’ll be a happy bonus — but if it doesn’t get done, it’s not frustrating or disappointing…it just didn’t get done today].

* something pleasant but out of your control (e.g. I receive great news; a new client calls me out of the blue)

Again, you can either keep your “Good Day” and “Very Good Day” lists with you and check them off during the day or do a review of your list at the end of the day.

Now what my coaching clients and I find is that, when we actually write down a few items that would make the day “very good”, they often happen. When they do, it’s very gratifying.

Note that I use the term “Very Good Day” rather than “Perfect Day” or “Ideal Day” or “Very Special Day” because wow that’s a lot of pressure. Especially if you are making this a daily practice. However I have had a few clients who responded better to the stronger terms. It’s up to you. Use the phrasing that clicks for you, given your unique personality, preferences, experiences, and circumstances.

Which leads me to the next version of this technique.

Variation: Personalized to Your Top Priority

Another option is to tailor the daily morning question to whatever is most important for you. Think about what is your top priority and frame your daily list accordingly. For example:

      What would make this a healthy day for me?

      What would make this a productive day for me?

      What would make this a relaxing, peaceful day for me?

      What would make this a meaningful or fulfilling day for me?

      What would make this a lucrative day for me?

      What would make this a spiritual day for me?

 The possibilities are endless. However you choose to frame your day, that’s the day I wish for you.

***

Want more tips and technique for getting things done?  Check out my book  YOU CAN GET IT DONE:  Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish

Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats: http://bit.ly/YouCanGetItDone

***

Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/ .

What are You Practicing?

By zaui/Scott Catron [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], via Wikimedia Commons

We all know that the best way to get good at something is to do it over and over.  This is the way we hone our talents, learn new skills, and get more comfortable in new situations.  We practice. We’re not as good the first time we drive a car/bake a souffle/perform on stage as we are the tenth or hundredth time we do so. The more we practice, the better we get.

What behaviors are you practicing?

It’s one thing to practice the things we want to hone or learn better.  Alas, many of us tend to practice things we don’t so much want to get better at.  We may find ourselves inadvertently becoming experts in unhelpful or unhealthy behaviors — such as procrastinating or fretting or stressing out or excessively surfing social media.   Again, whatever we do a lot of, we tend to get good at it.

What do you do over and over these days? What habits are you cultivating? Are you honing your talents . . . or are you getting very good at, say, procrastinating?  Are you learning new skills or are you perfecting your fretting?  Are you getting more comfortable with different audiences or situations . . . or are you finding that more and more of your day is frittering away to internet surfing or social media?

***

Question:  What behaviors are you practicing these days?  What do you do over and over?  Make a list

Of these, circle those which are unhelpful or unhealthy actions that are you would prefer to be doing less often.

Make a second list:  What would you rather be doing? What helpful or healthy behaviors you would prefer to get better at — or do more of? What would you like to be practicing?

***

What thoughts are you practicing?

The action we do most during the day is to think.  Certain thoughts tend to repeat in our heads. Again, whatever we do a lot of, we tend to get good at it:  We can be thinking healthy, helpful thoughts over and over…or we can be practicing unhelpful or unhealthy thoughts repeatedly.

***

Question:  What thoughts are you practicing these days?  What do you think over and over?  Make a list

Of these, circle those which are unhelpful or unhealthy or are otherwise thoughts you’d prefer to think less often.

How much are you practicing thoughts that give you joy?  To what extent are you practicing thoughts that give you pain?

Make a second list:  What would you rather be thinking? What helpful or healthy thoughts would you like to be practicing? How could you re-frame a negative or painful thought in a way that is healthier or more helpful?

***

What words are you practicing?

Let’s take a closer look at the thoughts you are practicing.  What words do you use over and over in your internal dialogue? How do they affect you? Are they positive, encouraging, or inspiring — or are they negative, hurtful, or otherwise unpleasant?

To what extent are you practicing words that soothe you or give you hope? To what extent are you berating yourself or expecting the worse?

What is your general tone?

Odds are high you may not realize what you’re doing until you stop and examine the actual words you use.  This is pretty common among my coaching clients. For example, Cherie came to me as a fairly tense person who was quite demanding of herself.  She couldn’t see it.  She believed she was being unconditionally positive and supportive of herself and the personal changes she wanted to make.  When I asked her what she wanted as a priority this week, she furrowed her brow and said, “I don’t want to get distracted. I don’t want to backslide. I don’t want to make more stupid mistakes.”

“Okay, you’re telling me what you don’t want. What do you want?”

I watched the insight dawn as her whole face brightened and relaxed.  “Ah,” she laughed.  “I want to be focused.  I want to be ‘in the moment’.”  She paused and shook her head. “Wow, that feels a whole lot better!”

Part of the shift she felt was from re-framing things from negative terms into positive words.  Most of it came from releasing that tense, school-marm tone (as if she was saying, “I better not make any more stupid mistakes or else!”) and being kinder with herself.

How do you speak to yourself?  To what extent are you your own best friend — or your own worst enemy?

Bottom line:  you have an opportunity, right now, to examine what you’re practicing — in thought, word and deed — and to make adjustments as needed.

***

Activity:  This week, pause at least once a day to monitor what you’re doing.  If you’re doing something unhelpful or unhealthy, stop.  Choose something from your ‘helpful & healthy’ list to do instead.

Activity:  This week, pause at least once a day to monitor what you’re thinking.  What words are you using?  What is your tone? If you’re doing something unhelpful or unhealthy, stop.  What would you rather be thinking?  Use your creativity to reframe the problematic thought.  Devise a more positive, soothing or pleasant thought to practice instead.

***Check out my book  YOU CAN GET IT DONE:  Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish

Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats: http://bit.ly/YouCanGetItDone

***

Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/ .

Suspend Judgment

By Chris Potter (Flickr: 3D Judges Gavel) [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], via Wikimedia Commons

Have you noticed how much judgment you encounter in a given day, these days?  Between Facebook ‘likes’ and Yelp reviews and ‘Comments’ on every news article, people are making their opinions known like never before.  On the one hand, it’s fantastic that we have so many outlets for personal expression. On the other hand, it’s easy to become hyper-judgmental.

In this age of social media, there has been a flaring up of vociferous online opinion-sharing. Have so-so service from a contractor? Chronicle your experience on Yelp and Angie’s List. Purchase a sub-par product? Warn others via Twitter, Facebook, and Amazon.

This is a particular danger for those of us inclined to be hard on ourselves (and/or others) — i.e. the perfectionists among us.  From my work with perfectionists over the past twenty years, I’ve found that judgment anchors and propels every aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists are constantly evaluating everyone and everything. We judge every person, place or thing we encounter. . . everything about your past, present or future . . . everything we imagine.

Now judgment has its place. Our ancestors developed judgment as a way of protecting their bodies from physical danger. As humans evolved, we developed judgment to protect and guide ourselves in social circumstances as well as to make decisions effectively. “Good judgment” is very useful indeed.

But perfectionists take judgment to extremes. Perfectionists compare everyone and everything to a perceived ideal — a ‘perfect’ version. For example, we believe there is a ‘correct’ way to do things or a single ‘right’ way for things to turn out.

Often, we make snap decisions based on our ideal and the expectations they imply, rather than being open to surprises. For example, we might be instantly dismissive of someone with little schooling when in fact they may have innovative ideas unfettered by formal education. We may pooh-pooh a helpful approach because it came from a source we don’t respect — a source that fails to rise to our ideal standard.

Worse, our hyper-judgment establishes an unavoidable gap between our expectations and reality. Any gap between our perceived ideal and what we experience is annoying, frustrating, disappointing and/or stressful. And the sad thing is: by definition our perceived ideal is unattainable so there is always a gap between our reality and what we wish to experience. We are sentencing ourselves to a self-made purgatory.

Consider the toll on yourself and others to be under constant assessment. Consider the enormous energy required and the tremendous strain and pressure that are generated by such steady scrutiny.

To disrupt your perfectionism, it is absolutely essential that you find ways to short-circuit your natural tendency to make frequent, involuntary judgments.

Recognize Judgment

This is probably the single most effective thing you can do to change the way you’ve been operating: To the extent you can train yourself to suspend judgment, to shift from automatically judging everyone and everything to merely observing them, you are well on your way to overcoming your perfectionism.

Step one in this process is to begin to notice when you are judging.

***

Helpful Daily Practice: Notice Your Own Judgments

 The idea here is to train yourself to recognize when you are judging someone or something. Once you can recognize your judgment in the moment, you can take steps to address it.

***

Activity: Going forward, pay attention to the judgments you make in your daily life — especially snap judgments about people, places, things and activities. Some will be big and important — how you feel about your co-workers or yourself, for example. Many judgments will be more innocuous: Maybe grammatical errors on public signs irritate you. Perhaps you’re adept at finding flaws with restaurant meals.

Pretend it’s like a game and you get points every time you notice you’re making a judgmental thought. You earn bonus points when you notice in the moment. (It may sound hokey but — if you will suspend judgment and try it — rewarding yourself with points can be highly effective in facilitating personal changes).

Warning: this may be exhausting at first. Most perfectionists are staggered by the scope and frequency of their own judgments, once they start to pay attention to them. “I didn’t realize I was always, always judging every little thing I experience,” exclaimed Martine when she began the process. “I’m racking up lots and lots of points!”

***

Generate Alternative Interpretations

Consider that there are many other ways of viewing any situation. For example, if your knee-jerk thought is something like, “Wow, what an awful outfit Taylor is wearing” consider (a) Taylor is dressing the best she can, given her pocketbook and taste, (b) Taylor may be a fashion maven who is expressing herself in ways you’re not appreciating, (c) Taylor is so frazzled at work and home that she threw on whatever she had at hand and you’re lucky she remembered to don her pants at all, and/or (d) Taylor doesn’t care a hoot about how her outfit looks so why should you?

This is especially helpful when you are judging yourself. When my client Simone tried this technique, she found “Ugh! I messed up that presentation” quickly became (a) Well, that wasn’t the best I could do but it still was better than many people could do. (b) Maybe I can’t accurately assess the presentation’s true value because I can’t be objective. (c) Maybe the clients liked the presentation and were oblivious to the flaws I detected. (d) Maybe someone in the audience got something really important out of the talk so who am I to diss it? (e) This was a great opportunity for me to learn how to do a better presentation next time.

***

Key Tool: Generate (at least three) Alternative Interpretations

Going forward, whenever you notice yourself making a judgment, brainstorm a minimum of three other possible ways of re-framing your original assessment. Bonus points if you can make yourself laugh.

Again, this may be overwhelming at first as you grapple with all the judgment streaming in your head. However, once you begin the practice of generating alternative explanations, you will be able to train yourself to do so automatically. Then, when you catch yourself making a judgment, you will just as quickly counter with other options.

When practiced over time, this tool basically trains you to engage in fewer judgments. You’ll view yourself and others more charitably, which will feel so much better.

***

Activity: Practice generating alternative interpretations.

Go to a public area such as a coffee shop or shopping mall. Sit and watch people. As judgments pop into your head, generate at least three alternatives interpretations.

***

Suspend Judgment

The next level in addressing your judgment is to curtail it. You’ve done enough judging for one lifetime.  Judging hurts you…and it’s no picnic for people around you. The less you judge, the better for you and the people around you.

Here’s the truth: This situation just ‘is’.

From your limited point of view, you have no accurate way of assessing if this situation is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘scary’ or anything else. What seems like a terrific opportunity at first blush might end up, in the long term, being the worst experience in your life. Something that appears to be a massive setback might in fact be a way for you to deepen relationships and devise a better solution that ends up yielding a far more successful project.

For example, let’s say a gallery says ‘yes’ to exhibiting your work. That seems ‘good’, right? Now imagine that there’s a fire in the gallery and a lot of work your work is lost. Now your exhibition seems ‘bad’, right? But wait — because of the fire, let’s say that you now get inspired to do the best series of your life, earning you a lot of press and new commissions…well then the original ill-fated exhibition seems ‘good’. But what if you can’t handle your new-found fame, or you get swindled by unscrupulous financial managers or…you get the idea.

Sometimes ‘dreams coming true’ are really nightmares. Sometimes ‘disappointments’ are really ‘blessings in disguise’.

All you know for sure is that this situation just ‘is’. To the extent you can suspend judgment, you can allow things to unfold without the added, unnecessary energy of whatever label you’ve applied.

***

Key Tool: Suspend Judgment

 When you do notice yourself making a judgment, stop.

Avoid labeling what you are experiencing.

It’s not complicated. Simply cease judging everyone and everything. Rather than assessing, evaluating, and/or labeling, simply observe.

If you can’t suspend judgment, delay it. (“Well it seems ugly to me but let’s see what I think next month.”)

***

 Activity: Practice suspending judgment.

Go to a public area such as a coffee shop or shopping mall. Sit and watch people. Simply observe. When judgments pop into your head, push them gently but firmly aside.

***

Activity: Practice withholding your opinion.

Going forward, whenever you feel compelled to give an opinion, pause. Is this really necessary? Is it a matter of life and death for me to utter my opinion at this moment in time? If not, don’t. Give yourself points every time you avoid giving your opinion.

***

Activity: Social media challenge.

Challenge yourself: How long can you go without posting a comment online that denotes any judgment or opinion?

***

Benefits of Suspending  Judgment

Once you can suspend judgment — and once you can release your iron grip on your own opinion — you foster openness. This creates a space — a window — through which new ideas, people and possibilities can enter your life.

Going forward, pay attention to what happens as you suspend judgment. See what new opportunities arise, the more open you are. Keep notes on the new information and prospects you receive from unexpected places. See what you learn. Watch what happens with your personal and professional relationships. Chronicle the benefits as a way of reinforcing your shift away from judgment.

***

For more, check out my book Overcoming Perfectionism:  Solutions for Perfectionists available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats:  http://bit.ly/PerfectionismSolutions

***

Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/ .

Portfolio Careers – A Natural Fit for DaVincis

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By JorgenCarlberg [CC BY 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], from Wikimedia Commons

Are you a multi-hyphenate?  Do you earn income from different skills in different arenas?  Maybe you’re a ‘copywriter/teacher/dog trainer’ or a ‘notary/realtor/accountant’.  (Why just last week I met a ‘baker/pastor/freelance writer’).  If it takes several labels to describe what you do for living, then you are among the burgeoning wave of people with Portfolio Careers.

Once upon a time, the traditional career path was to specialize in a single arena, join a company and stay there until retirement. Now, thanks to seismic shifts in technology, communications and economics, this path is becoming increasingly rare, replaced by portfolios.

As a DaVinci — a multi-talented person juggling many activities — portfolio careers make an awful lot of sense.

Some of us have never liked being pigeon-holed as being ‘only one thing’.  We are interested in many things and have always participated in diverse activities as kids or students . . . so it’s natural to diversify our professional activities, too.

Others may take a while to figure it out.  They may begin in a traditional ‘one-job’ career only to become dissatisfied with the limited scope of their activities.  There’s a gnawing sense of ‘is this all there is?’ Maybe they yearn to try something new or pursue a secret dream. Perhaps they develop other skills, hobbies or interests outside of work, then discover they want to do one or more of these things, professionally. For this group, portfolio careers provide a way to boost their career satisfaction by diversifying their vocational activities.

A third group become DaVincis by necessity. When the economy tightens, people may lose their traditional jobs — and discover how difficult it is to be re-hired in today’s marketplace.  This is especially problematic for mid-aged or older people because more companies are seeking to fill whatever slots they’ve got — be they part-time jobs, full-time jobs or contracts — with younger, cheaper workers.

When people lose their jobs today, they need to find creative solutions to their new circumstances.  More and more, these days, this means a portfolio or multi-hypenate approach. “Okay, I used to be a middle manager but now I’m a tax consultant/personal shopper /wedding singer.”  This may actually be a blessing in disguise because, it can allow people to think about what they really, truly want to be doing, in what field(s), for what purpose(s).  It’s a chance to try entrepreneurial or non-profit or consulting options.  It’s an opportunity to (literally) capitalize on a person’s unique skills, knowledge, preferences and circumstances and to see which combination of professional activities generates a desired level of income and personal fulfillment.As well, thanks to the technology available today, it’s much easier to market and manage a portfolio career than it has been in the past. It’s possible for an entrepreneur to conduct business around the globe from the comfort of their own home office. (I do.  In a given morning, I might be Skyping with a coaching client in Europe or Asia, chatting with an Australian journalist and interacting with webinar participants in a dozen time zones).The two biggest benefits of a portfolio career are:* flexibility and nimbleness — you can adjust your approach and services quickly in response to the current market and opportunities* fulfillment — you can devote your work to whatever is important to youYet this kind of work style is not without its challenges.

For anyone pursuing a portfolio career, the primary challenge to overcome is fear (specifically fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and fear of poverty).  Once they actually take the plunge as a multi-hyphenate, they face challenges in time management, organization, staying on task and getting things done.  It’s tough to make progress in more than one arena at the same time without becoming overwhelmed or demotivated or frustrated or stressed out. Yes, the internet offers limitless business opportunities — but it also provides infinite distractions and constant interruptions.  It’s a particular challenge to maintain life/work balance, given the inevitable complications of a portfolio career.  Procrastination and perfectionism are issues that arise for many, many people pursuing a portfolio career.

The main challenge for someone pursing a portfolio career is to find the approach and techniques that work for them in their unique circumstances.  Here on our website, Lisa Rothstein and I invite you to browse our books and articles to see what works for you.

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Want more tips and techniques for getting things done? Check out my book  YOU CAN GET IT DONE:  Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish

Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats: http://bit.ly/YouCanGetItDone

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Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at  http://www.davincidilemma.com/  .

Overcome Creative Doubts

© Nevit Dilmen [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], from Wikimedia Commons

Creative doubts can creep into any creative activity.  It doesn’t matter if you are composing music or devising a business plan or solving an IT problem, there can be a little voice in the back of your mind questioning the quality of your creative efforts.  It’s not helpful.  It’s pretty much impossible to give full flight to your generative powers — creating new ideas or concepts or products or combinations thereof — if that little voice is simultaneously evaluating or judging your output.

The little voice can be annoying or anxiety-provoking.  It can be nervous or nasty or paralyzing. It seems to be most vocal when we are embarking on something new. When we commence a fresh project, or strive to hone a new talent or dabble with a novel approach, the uncharted territory seems to beg questions like “What the heck have I gotten myself into?”, “How will this turn out?” and “Is this any good?”

Creative doubts can be especially destructive for DaVincis — people juggling too many ideas, projects and talents.  First, because we’ve got a lot going on so there’s ample opportunities for inner doubts to foment.  Second, concerns about one creative activity can quash or dissipate our efforts in several other areas, simply by comparison.

So what’s a DaVinci to do?

First, remind yourself that doubts are a natural part of the creative process.  Every creative person experiences them from time to time.

Second, think of that little voice as a symptom, rather than a disease.  Any doubts that cross your mind are simply signalling that you are doing something creative and new.  It’s part of the excitement and risk of creativity.

When you hear that little voice, acknowledge it and then push it aside.  Delay it.  Defer it.  Remind yourself that you cannot give a valid, true assessment of the quality of something while you are in the process of creating it. “Okay, I don’t know how good this thing is . . . and really I don’t need to know right now.  Right now I just need to keep going.”

Third, counter Fear with Love.  Whenever you notice creative doubts, ask yourself:  what do I love about what I’m doing?  What is it about this that’s fun or joyful or energizing or gratifying?  To the extent you can focus your attention on the upsides of the creative process, the easier it is to bat aside whatever doubts may flutter across your mind from time to time.

Here’s a brief video that makes the point that (a) doubts are a natural part of the creative process and (b) the only way out is through.  Just keep practicing, keep doing, keep going.  The more you do, the more you create, the less you will doubt.

http://vimeo.com/85040589  http://vimeo.com/85040589

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For more tips and techniques, check out my workbook  BE MORE CREATIVE:  101 Activities to Unleash and Grow Your Creativity

Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats:  http://bit.ly/BeMoreCreativeBook

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First Things First

By Andre666 at English Wikipedia [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

It can be overwhelming to be a DaVinci.  Looking at our ‘To-Do’ lists can be stressful.  With so many projects, activities and ideas, it’s challenging to know what to do at any given time.  Our priorities are unclear.  The perfectionists among us can get paralyzed, lest we choose ‘wrong’ among the available options.  Or we aspire to do EVERYTHING — which is impossible — and as a result, whatever we do, whatever we accomplish, whatever we complete doesn’t seem like enough.  There’s always more to do.

One approach that many of my coaching clients find helpful is this:  First things first.

This deceptively simple concept works because:

1. It focuses your priorities on what’s important.

When you have a clear understanding of what means the most to you, you can better direct your talents, time and energy.  The idea here is to ask yourself, “What’s most important?”  What would be the most fulfilling or meaningful?  Growing your business? Improving your health?  Deepening your relationships? Making money? Establishing yourself? Self-expression? Your legacy?

It’s very easy to get caught up in what’s urgent.  Or to choose less important tasks because they are less intimidating or because they’ll fit into shorter time periods. It’s much easier to reply to an email than to sit down and actually flesh out ideas for a new product . . . but to the extent you can remind yourself of your true priorities, you can make better use of your time and efforts.

2.  It focuses your actions on what you can do next.

Yes you have four dozen items on your ‘To Do lists’.  Now, of those, which makes sense to do at this point in time? Among the available options, what would have the biggest impact, were you to do it next?

Right now, is it more important for you check social media for the third time today . . . or would it make more sense to use this five minutes to call that prospective client?

3.  It encourages you to take advantage of how your brain works.

Research has shown that our brains work best right after we awaken.  Our minds are refreshed, replenished and rebooted.  The assaults of the day’s demands and interruptions have not yet commenced.  As a special bonus:  there’s a carryover from our dream-state that makes us more innovative and more creative in whatever we do first thing in the morning.

To the extent you can devote your very first activity of the day to whatever is most important to you, you can make significant strides more easily.  (This is another reason to postpone checking your email, phone messages, social media or news feeds until later in the day:  avoid those sorts of distractions until AFTER you’ve spent time doing something important to you).

As an added bonus, whatever time you can devote to your initial activity of the day — be it twenty minutes, an hour, or more — you’ve already accomplished something.  For example, if you, say, write five pages first thing, then no matter what happens for the rest of the day, you’ve written five pages!  Five pages a day adds up fast.  Five pages a day, five days a week means a script in a month or a novel in two.

If you “don’t have time” given the practical constraints of your living situation, ask yourself:  what would it mean if you could make efficient, regular progress on your top priority.  Would that be worth doing some creative problem solving to figure out how to get yourself twenty minutes first thing in the morning?

If you believe you’re not a “morning person” so there’s no point trying — consider that you may missing out on the most productive time of your day.  Your biology is such that your brain works best after its had some rejuvenating shuteye.

Merrill Markoe is an accomplished writer of television and nine books.  Recently, when she was recovering from surgery, she was pretty much forced to write first thing in the morning — a practice she’d avoided throughout her professional life.  She was astonished at the difference it made.  Gone was the stress, self-loathing angsty procrastination that had plagued her days.  It was replaced by stress-free productivity and fostered a joy through writing she hadn’t experienced before. She chronicled her discovery in this excellent, entertaining New York Times article.

4.   It requires that you focus on one thing at a time.

The other implicit element of “first things first” is that you give attention to only your top priority at a given time. As research as proven, focus is your friend.  To the extent you can channel your time, energy and attention on only one thing at a given moment, the more you will get done, faster, with higher quality and less stress.

So the next time you find yourself overwhelmed with “To Do’s” or uncertain about your priorities, remind yourself:  First things first.  Do whatever is most important.  Do it first thing every morning.  Do one thing at a time.

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Want more tips and techniques on getting things done?  Check out my book  YOU CAN GET IT DONE:  Choose What to do, Plan, Start, Stay on Track, Overcome Obstacles, and Finish

Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats: http://bit.ly/YouCanGetItDone

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Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at  http://www.davincidilemma.com/  .

What to do When You Let Someone Down

By User:Vassil (File:Sépulcre_Arc-en-Barrois_111008_12.jpg) [CC BY 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], via Wikimedia Commons

None of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes.  It’s part of the full, natural human experience. As DaVincis, we’ve got so many activities on the go, we have ample opportunities to make errors.

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes . . . unless others are adversely affected.  As DaVincis juggling many projects, we are that much more likely to let people down along the way — personally and/or professionally. Maybe we forget to do something we said we would. Perhaps we do or say something that causes someone strife. Maybe our attitude or reactions are disappointing to someone expecting something else from us.

Stop for a moment and think about a time when you let someone down.  Review your memory of what happened. What did you do — or not do — that disappointed someone?  How did this come to occur?  Why did you do what you did (or didn’t) do? What were the consequences?  How did it affect the other person?  Did you acknowledge what happened to the other person or did you let it slide?  How did this experience affect your relationship?

Once you have a concrete example in mind, let’s proceed:  In an ideal world, what do you do when you let someone down?

1. Recognize that it’s happened.

This sounds trite but this is where a lot of us mess up.  We first need to realize that we have let someone down.  That our actions have affected someone else.  Sometimes this is clear from the way others are responding to us — a change in tone or warmth, for example.  Sometimes the affected others withdraw or distance themselves.  Yet sometimes it’s not so obvious.  Especially when people really care about us — or depend on us. Sometimes people hide the hurt or disappointment we’ve caused them.

If in doubt, ask.

It’s a horrible thing to let someone down. It’s worse, still, when it takes you a while to realized the impact of your actions (or inaction) on someone else. But never mind.  Better late than not at all.  Once you *do* figure it out, you have an opportunity to make it right.

2. Apologize.

Tell the person you are sorry for disappointing them.  Acknowledge what you did — or didn’t do — and note the impact it had on the other person.

Avoid the temptation to excuse or explain your behavior.  That you were busy/juggling too much/dealing with a personal issue/naive is pretty much irrelevant to the point that you let down the other person.

Keep the focus on them, not you.

3.  Make amends.

Make it right.  As a creative person, you can devise clever ways to make amends.  If you’re not sure what to do, ask.

4.  Forgive yourself.

We are all doing the best we can.  Once you’ve apologized and done your best to make amends, it doesn’t help to continue to feel badly about what happened or to beat yourself up. Forgive yourself.  Resolve to learn from the experience. Move on.

What if its not possible to apologize or make amends to the person?  What if they are no longer in contact with you or reachable or if they’ve  passed away?

One option is to write down the story of what happened in as much detail as possible — then re-write it as you wish it would have unfolded.

Another option is to write a letter to the missing person as if you could actually communicate with them.  Be candid and heartfelt. Devise a way to make amends.  Is there a way to pay it forward or benefit others on their behalf? For greater impact, read the letter out loud.

Since my mother died unexpectedly, I have become painfully aware of ways in which I let her down.  I can’t apologize or make it up to her directly.  I can move forward with enhanced sympathy, empathy and insight.  I can commit to being more vigilant about the impact of my actions on others in the future.  By encouraging other people to recognize when they let others down — and by advocating the position that it’s never too late to apologize or to try to make it right — this article is one way in which I hope to make amends.

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For more, check out my book “GET OVER It:   Overcome Regret, Disappointment and Past Mistakes”.  Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats:  http://bit.ly/GetOverItNow

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Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/ .

Would you Rather be Perfect…or Real?

By Swaminathan from Gurgaon, India (yellow and red) [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...)], via Wikimedia Commons

Once upon a time, performers were required to actually reveal their talents when they performed.  There was no lip synching or Autotune or multi-media enhancements to enhance or obscure their own efforts. Back in days of yore, if someone faked it — be it the National Anthem or a Milli Vanilli pop tune — it was a scandal. Not so much any more.

Nowadays the world seems split between wanting things to be perfect — and wanting them to be real.  Some folks prefer electronically enhanced products.  Others prefer to hear their performers actually perform — warts and all. It can be thrilling to see someone with real musicianship flex their talents. Yet any real live performance involves risks or possible mistakes — a missed cue, a wayward note, a forgotten lyric.

It’s up to the artist — and the audience — to decide what’s most important to them.  Do you want to experience a ‘perfect’ packaged product — or do you want to witness what a performer can really do?

Beyonce is a well documented perfectionist.  She has a climate-controlled personal archive documenting every moment of her life and every media mention of her.  Should an unflattering photo materialize, her publicist has it yanked. She lip synched the National Anthem at President Obama’s 2012 inauguration lest any note go amiss.  Now this is someone who can actually sing…but chose to fake it to avoid the risk of imperfections.

Fellow perfectionist Barbra Streisand stopped giving concerts for YEARS for fear of flubbing the lyrics.

If you are someone with perfectionistic tendencies — if you are hard of yourself, picky, have sky-high standards — one question to ask yourself:  would you rather be ‘perfect’…or real?

What does it cost you to strive for perfection? What does it cost the people around you?  How does it affect your personal and professional relationships?

Does your audience even *want* perfection?  Would your customers be happier with something a little rougher around the edges, if they could have it more quickly or with less drama?

As DaVincis,  we’ve got a lot of projects, ideas and talents on the go.  It’s impossible to be perfect in everything we do.  Striving for perfection in multiple domains is stressful if not crazy-making.

One solution is to aim for ‘real’, rather than ‘perfect’.  To survey your talents and present them authentically.  To focus on creating something that truly reflects you — rather than a glossy product that obscures your true voice.

Perfection isn’t possible.  Instead, why not aim to communicate what’s unique about you?  Whatever you’re doing — be it a designing a book jacket or devising a business plan — you have a capacity to imbue your own perspective, experience and talents.

That’s the key:  rather than focusing on unattainable perfection, aim to reveal your real essence.

Whatever you’re working on, ask:  Am I representing or communicating what’s unique about me?  Focus on what’s real, rather than perfection.

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For more, check out my book Overcoming Perfectionism:  Solutions for Perfectionists.  Available here in hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats: http://bit.ly/PerfectionismSolutions

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Want to re-publish this article? Go for it – just include the author’s name, a link to this original post and the following text blurb:

Are you struggling with too many talents, skills, ideas? You may have The DaVinci Dilemma! Find tools, fun quizzes, coaching, inspiration and solutions for multi-talented people at http://www.davincidilemma.com/ .