Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 467

March 4, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Dark Knight!

Tree tings monster hate most in dis world: injustice, poverty, and movies dat run more den two hours.  Unless film be based on musty Russian novel, it have no business being so long.  Seriously!  Your movie be about a guy running around town in a cape punching people. It not exaktly Anna Carnita or Dr. Chicago.

Still Dark Knight be pretty good movie.  In many ways, it be better den first movie in series.  In other ways, it be worse. Specifically, in small, stoopid, “dis makes no sense” ways.

De last clown you want showing up to your kid’s birtday party

Movie begin wit bank heist.  Robbers wit clown masks break in, den start killing each other off becuz dey were told to.  Of course, anyone wit half a brain would realize “Hey, someone tell me to kill off my bank robbing buddy, MEBBE someone telling my bank robbing buddy to kill me too!”.  Only one guy come to dis conklusion – but only eventually AFTER de heist.  And he get creamed by school bus.

Last surviving bank robber remove clown mask to reveal…clown face! Let’s call him…Mr. Giggleshiv!  No.  Bozomofo!  No.  De Joker!  He climb into bus and den, presumably because he called ahead to get bus schedule, he merge into line of school buses driving by.  He merge into traffik BY DRIVING OUT OF A DESTROYED BANK!  You would tink someone might notice?  Find it odd?  Moving on…

Legend of de Batman keeping bad guys running scared.  But Batman not de only good guy in Gotham.  District Attorney Harvey Dent also getting quite de rep as criminal ass-kicker.  Heads of different crime faktions get together to complain about him.  Meeting get crashed by Joker who do cool magik trick, den offer to kill Batman for half deir money.  And he not take no for an answer.

Batman travel to Hong Kong where he kidnap some accountant as part of useless storyline dat go absolutely nowhere and add nothing to main story.

Meanwhile, Joker start causing trouble in Gotham.  He poison Commissioner Leob wit acid.  He blow up judge.  And what Batman movie would be complete witout ubiquitous scene of bad guy crashing fancy soiree?  Joker show up at big shingding for Harvey Dent.  Batman also show up but Joker get away by pulling de ole “trow de girl out de window” gag.

But Joker strike again.  He make attempt on Harvey Dent in broad daylight.  Batman’s buddy, Jim Gordon, get shot and killed.  No, we not see body but police break news to poor, grieving wife so he obviously dead.  Right?

Assistant to assistant of de assistant DA, Rachel Dawes, have quiet moment wit Bruce where he tell her he going to reveal his sekret identity.  Dey kiss.  Wait?  What?!  Who dis woman?  How she know his identity?  Monster not recognize her at all!  No.  Wait.  It be different aktress playing part of Bruce’s love interest/perpetual damsel in dis dress from first movie.  Oh, me get it now.  She better den last aktress at akting, but worse den her at staying alive.

At press conference, Harvey Dent admit…HE Batman.  And arrested. Hunh?  If Bruce in on dis ruse, why he tell Rachel HE going to admit to being Batman?  If he not in on ruse, why he not speak up?

Joker end up attacking convoy transporting “Batman”, just like Harvey planned.  Batman crash de party and Jim Gordon show up in nick of time and capture Joker.  Wait!  What?  Jim Gordon alive?!  But police told his wife he be dead!  Cue scene where Jim tell his wife he sorry but he couldn’t tell her de truth.  Why not?  Mebbe she a blabbermouth who can’t be trusted?

Harvey and Rachel missing.  Batman interrogate Joker.  He tell Batman where to find dem, but he can only save one.  Only one!  Why?  Why not call someone who be in de area and save both?

Gordon race to scene where Rachel being held – but too late.  She get blown up.  Batman save Harvey – who end up wit an ouchy on his face…

Ouchy!

To top tings off, Joker eskape from interrogation room by…well, we not sure how.   Presumably, he overpower Detective Bullock?  We just have to take his word for it.  He blow up police station by triggering phone bomb in his thug’s stomach.  Whew.  Good ting police metal detektor broken dat day!

Joker threaten to blow up hospital!  Dressed up as nurse, he pay visit to Harvey and talk some nonsense into him.  He offer to let Harvey kill him.  Crazy Harvey, flip a coin – and let him live.

City in chaos!  No one can leave becuz Joker hint he may have rigged bridges and tunnels wit explosives!

Harvey start taking revenge on dose responsible for death of Rachel (except guy directly responsible, de Joker).  He surprise mobster in back of his car, flip his coin to see if he shoot him or not.  Mobster luck out.  Coin say no.  So Harvey shoot driver instead, causing car to crash. Huh?  Why driver not deserve coin flip?  He just a guy doing his job!

Only way out of Gotham is by ferry.  Knowing dis, police make a point of checking it for explosives send dem on deir way.  And, guess what? Dey diskover explosives on board!  Dey also find box containing detonator.  Dis result in most stoopidest clumsy line in movie when guy ask: “Why would they give us the detonator to our own bomb?”. OUR OWN bomb?.  Why would he say dis?  Becuz dere be ANOTHER ferry out dere wit ANOTHER bomb!  Aktually, no.  Dere be no reason for him to say dis.  It sound like a line de studio added “for clarity” and it just end up making even less sense.

Passengers on both ferries told dey have detonator to other ferry’s bomb.  If dey trigger other bomb, dey save demselves.  If dey don’t choose, dey all die!

Batman track down Joker to high-rise.  Exciting showdown ensue. Batman capture Joker and foil his attempt to blow up ferries. Passengers on both ferries do de right ting and don’t blow each other up.  We have all learned valuable lesson today about de human spirit and de power of love to conquer -

But wait!  It not over!  Harvey Dent kidnap Jim Gordon’s family!  He going to get his revenge on Gordon becuz…er…becuz…Jim Gordon…uh…becuz Harvey be crazy.

But Batman arrive in nick of time!  He save Gordon and co., killing (?) Harvey/Two-Face.  He and Gordon decide to publikly lie and accuse de innocent Batman of Harvey’s murder so dat, uh, Harvey can remain symbol for truth and justice.  By lying and accusing an innocent man. Truth and justice.  Okie dokie.

Verdikt: Overall a pretty good movie if you squint at de little stoopidities.

Rating: 8 chocolate chippee cookies.

Tagged: Batman, comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster movie reviews, film reviews, movie reviews, superhero film reviews, superhero films, superhero movie reviews, superhero movies, superheroes, The Dark Knight

March 3, 2013: WTF? T.V. Moments!

In keeping with the t.v. theme, I thought it might be fun to take a trip down memory lane and imagine, not the best moments of your television-viewing history, but the weirdest.  I’m referring to those WTF? moments that either cause you to stop watching or to seriously question what the writers were smoking when they came up with “that” idea.  I’m not talking studio or network decisions, so no cancellations, only highly suspect creative choices.  I’m sure that, off the top of your respective heads, countless come to mind, from baffling leaps in logic to the deaths of beloved medical characters.  And I’d love to hear all about them.  But first, here is a list of My WTF? T.V. Moments.  Some are egregious.  Others are bizarre missteps magnified by the fact that they happened on otherwise amazing shows:

DALLAS: Forget that ever happened.

The ninth season of Dallas ended with the character of Pam Ewing walking into the bathroom and discovering her husband Bobby in the shower.  But how could this be?  Bobby was dead.  He’d been killed after being hit by a car the previous season.  How could the writers possibly resurrect the beloved character?  Easy.  They just hit the reset button by making the previous season a dream.  The ENTIRE SEASON! 31 episodes!  All a dream!  They used a narrative device that not even a fourth grader gets away with nowadays.  Hey, Dallas fans, that last year of your favorite show was one giant waste of your time.  Sorry. Wonder how the dvd’s for that ninth season sold in comparison?

ROSEANNE: Let’s make The Beverly Hillbillies instead!

At the beginning of the show’s ninth season, the Conners win the lottery!  108 million dollars!  So what changes for them?  Pretty much everything.  The lovable blue-collar family many viewers connected with over the years suddenly become the 90′s equivalent of The Beverly Hillbillies.  I didn’t watch the show but I know several people who did – and, boy, were they unhappy with the show’s strange, unfunny turn.  But the worst was yet to come…

ROSEANNE: Not quite Bobby in the shower but…

In the show’s ninth season series finale, the audience discovers that the whole lottery storyline was fantasy – not a dream but the imaginative writings of Roseanne Conner who reveals the entire show has been a slightly altered version of her real life.  Oh, and amiable hubby Dan died of a heart attack back in season 8.  Funny stuff.

THE WONDER YEARS: P.S. Dad dies.

Oh, come on!  In the series finale, Kevin reveals how things turn out for everyone. His best buddy Paul goes to Harvard.  His boyhood crush, Winnie Cooper, ends up studying art history in Paris.  His mother becomes a successful business woman.  And his dad…well, his dad drops dead of a heart attack two years later.  Wait!  What?!  Look, I’m all for bittersweet endings but this one feels forced because, in a previous episode, Kevin tells the audience how his father would eventually have a grandson of his own.  Now, unless Winnie got pregnant in this final episode and gave birth to a son before heading off to Paris, information Kevin elected NOT to make us privy to, then killing dad off is like a giant cheat.

SOUTH PARK – Carman’s real father is…!

South Park fans had to wait an entire hiatus – and then some – to learn the identity of Cartman’s father following the first season cliffhanger.  Eager fans tuned in to find out on April 1, 1998…Oh, wait. April 1st?  Instead of concluding the storyline, producers Matt Stone and Trey Parker pranked their audience by airing a totally unrelated episode titled “Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus”.  Good one, no?  No.  The audience responded by roundly criticizing the show and firing off some 2000 angry emails to Comedy Central.

24 – Really?  No, really?  NO, REALLY?

In the show’s first season, Jack Bauer’s wife and daughter are in a car, speeding away from pursuers.  Assuming she has lost them, Jack’s wife, Terri, gets out of the car and hurries back up the roadway to make sure.  Yes, that’s right.  She leaves the car to head back on foot to make sure (!).  Satisfied that the coast is clear, she walks back to the car…only to discover she happened to park it too close to the side of a ravine and the car has plummeted – with her daughter inside (!). She is so distraught that she collapses. And wakes up with amnesia (!). Trifecta.

DYNASTY – Duck and cover!

One of the most notorious season finales in television history finds the entire cast of characters gathered for a royal wedding in the fictitious nation of Moldavia when the festivities are interrupted by armed terrorists.  The chapel is strafed with bullets and, in the final, lingering shots all of the major characters lie, seemingly dead.  It came to be known as The Moldavian Massacre – although, in hindsight, maybe massacre was a bit of a stretch.  In the show’s sixth season premiere, we learn that only two minor characters died in the attack thereby confirming what every action movie has already proven – that bad guys are terrible shots.

THE SOPRANOS – Cut to black.

The show’s final sequence unfolds to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ with the Soprano family – Tony, Carmella, and AJ – sitting in a diner while, outside, Meadow struggles to park.  Tony glances up as a suspicious character walks in and shoots him a look.  We cut back to Meadow parking.  Tony looks up as someone else walks into the diner.  Back to Meadow parking.  Then cut back to Tony.  Meadow parking.  The tension mounts.  The suspense is unbearable.  And then – we go to BLACK.  End of series.  In the days following, armchair experts went to great pains to analyze the symbolism of the finale, ferreting out clues from previous episodes to bolster their theory that Tony Soprano actually died when the screen cut to black – which only served to exacerbate the indignation of fans who felt they’d been left hanging. Really?  We were expected to piece together a bunch of esoteric clues in order to figure out the ending?  As it turned out, no.  According to show creator David Chase, Tony wasn’t whacked after all.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS – Murder in Dillon!

The first season of Friday Night Lights was incredible on every level – well-written, brilliantly acted, poignant and inspiring – atypical of many shows out there, so I suppose it should come as no surprise that it was struggling in the ratings.  But FNL was a critical darling and received a second season pick-up nonetheless.  And when it came back, for some reason (Insert your own theory here.  I certainly have mine.), the writers elected to work in a a sub-plot involving gosh-shucks geek Landry accidentally killing a would-be rapist.  Suddenly, the wonderful character-driven stories were overshadowed by this completely out-of-place narrative that would have been better suited to an episode of Law and Order.  Panned by critics, the story was quickly wrapped up – and never referred to again.

MAD MEN – I ate a bad sandwich.

Don’t get me wrong.  I think the show is brilliant and well-deserving of all of the accolades it has received, which is why it made this list – on the basis of a dramatic turn at the end of the show’s first season that was, well, in sharp contrast to EVERYTHING ELSE.  Don Draper’s carousel speech is some of the best writing ever committed to script. On the other hand, the whole “surprise” that ends this episode seems like something completely out of place for such a grounded show. Secretary Peggy is feeling under the weather and goes to see a doctor. She assumes she “ate a bad sandwich”.  But it isn’t a bad sandwich after all.  Peggy is pregnant.  Pregnant and IN LABOR!  Cut to the next scene – where she is presented with her new baby.  Now wait a minute! I understand people can be naive and, in some cases, it takes them a while to catch on – but this character was nine months pregnant and didn’t have a clue!  I know it happens, but rarely, and when it does it’s to very heavy women who may not have noticed the extra weight gain. It’s as if I was watching a completely different show.

BREAKING BAD – Heads up!

Not even one of my very favorite shows is immune to the occasional questionable call.  The second season of the show kicks off with disquieting hints of an atrocity to come,  starting with the eye of some stuffed animal floating in a swimming pool and progressing to body bags being lined up on a quiet residential suburban street.  It builds and builds over the course of those thirteen episodes, finally paying off in the form of – a mid-air plane crash.  Huh?  Sure, one can argue that Walter was indirectly responsible for the carnage since he did kill the grieving air traffic controller’s daughter but, all the same, for  a show that has built a solid rep for tight scripting, this felt like a bait-and-switch.

Care to chime in?  Let’s hear your WTF T.V. Moments.

March 2, 2013: Help me choose my new favorite show!

For a guy who works in television, I watch surprisingly little television. Well, relatively speaking.  In comparison to most, I watch what I consider a somewhat below average amount.  In comparison to my friends like Martin Gero and Mark Savela, I hardly watch any at all.  Not counting a few guilty “non-scripted” shows like Top Chef and the like, my t.v.-watching consists of: Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, and The Walking Dead.  I’m catching up on Louie, South Park and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on DVD and will download the second season of American Horror Story if/when it becomes available online.  Oh, and I have been watching Modern Family, but that’s more Akemi’s show than one of mine.

All that said, I’d like to find a brilliant new series to watch.  Something along the lines of past favorites like The Sopranos, The Shield, Arrested Development, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, and Rome.  The type of series that’s so good, so well-written, so well-directed, and so well-acted that you simply cannot wait to watch the next episode.  I checked out other strongly reviewed shows, and came away decidedly underwhelmed.  Some I found too slow-moving.  Others I found offensively contrived.  Still others were simply not my cup of tea.  So I’m going to try my luck again with a new round.

I’ve heard great thing about each of the following.  Which one should I start with?

BOARDWALK EMPIRE

As a big fan of The Sopranos, I had my eye on this organized crime period drama when it premiered back in 2010, but my initial enthusiasm was somewhat dampened by critiques from trusted sources.  The consensus opinion of the early episodes: good, but slow. Slow?  Life’s too short – and watching shows that make it feel longer aint the way to go.  So I took a pass on this one.  But since then, I keep hearing very good things.  Apparently, once you get past the set-up, it’s riveting viewing.

JUSTIFIED

I avoided this show because I’m not the biggest fan of Timothy Olyphant.  He’s a fine actor, but I fear my intense dislike for the character he played in Deadwood could taint my enjoyment of this show.  But my friend and former fellow Exec. Producer (on a show I honestly can’t remember working on), Alexander Ruemelin, swears by its brilliance. And, as wacky as that lovable German is, I do value his opinion…

ARCHER

Unlike some of the other shows on this list, no one I know has ever watched Archer.  All the positive reviews I’ve read have come from online sources that call this animated series clever, controversial and, above all, hilarious.

DOWNTON ABBEY

This one has a lot of fans but the premise seems, quite frankly, a little dry.  Still, Robert Cooper, another fellow whose opinion I trust, says it’s a damn fine show – although he warns it IS a soap opera.  But that’s fine.  In many ways so was The Sopranos.

GIRLS

Hmmm.  At first blush, not my cup of tea, but this one comes highly recommended by my uber-caustic buddy Tara in Toronto.  I can fault her taste in many things (hats for instance), but her sense of humor is dead-on…and, not so coincidentally, very similar to mine.  So if Tara says Girls is worth watching, maybe Girls IS worth watching.

CALIFORNICATION

Another Alexander Ruemelin pick.  And those who like it, REALLY like it – among them, my buddy Nige in Montreal.  Then again, Nige also liked both Transformers movies so I’m not so sure…

LUTHER

Idris Elba is terrific and I’ve heard great things about this show, but I’ve yet to get around to watching it.  Why?  In the words of Scooby Doo: “I run row.”

SHERLOCK

Another Brit entry and another series no one I know watches, but everyone online seems to love.  I’m sure more than a few of you have already checked it out.  Thoughts?

Tagged: Archer, Boardwalk Empire, Californication, Downton Abbey, Girls, Justified, Luther, Sherlock, television

March 1, 2013: Crushing Cancellations!

Your responses to my recent post about SGA’s final episode got me to thinking about some of the shows I’ve enjoyed that ended too soon.  I thought it might be fun to compile a list of My Top Ten Crushing Cancellations, those show’s whose premature demises left me alternately bewildered, disappointed, and frustrated.  So I sat down to compile a list and discovered that, with the exception of three obvious selections, I was having a hard time coming up with some names. Either the series had ended on its own terms (The Sopranos), had been cancelled well after I’d discovered it on DVD (Firefly), or had deteriorated so badly in quality by the end that I had checked out well before that final episode aired (too numerous to mention).  In the end, I was left with a grand total of six!

SOAP

This was one of the first serialized shows I remember watching, a mighty controversial (for its time) spoof of steamy daytime soaps that proved well ahead of its time.  Every episode ended on a cliffhanger, and the season finale was no different.  Did Chester kill Danny and Annie after discovering them in bed together?  Did Jodie ever become unhypnotized?  Was Jessica really shot by that South American firing squad?  Alas, we’d never know.  And what made this cancellation particularly galling were the rumors that the show had been cancelled, not due to ratings, but because certain advertisers were uncomfortable with its suggestive content.

TWIN PEAKS

This one makes the list on the strength of a solid first season that had me tuning in every week to unravel the mystery of who killed Laura Palmer.  By the time it was cancelled after its second season, it was a pale imitation of its former clever self, mired in meandering storylines and replete with annoyingly weird touches (what the hell was the deal with the kid with the creamed corn?).  Still, I loved Agent Cooper and thought the show’s final episode an incredibly depressing end to his story.

ROME

Ah, now this is the one that immediately comes to mind.  Before Game of Thrones there was Rome, a rich and incredibly engaging period series that – well, it seems proved too damn expensive to produce past a second season.

STARGATE: SG-1

Okay, maybe I’m being greedy.  Ten seasons is an awful long run.  But, in fairness, the cast additions and shift in storyline that marked the show’s eighth season reinvigorated this series.  Rather than feeling like the tenth season of a long-running series, it actually felt like the second season of a few series.  And then we got word of the cancellation. Disappointing because I still feel there are so many more stories to tell…

STARGATE: ATLANTIS

And the same applies here.  Unlike SG-1 that at least had the opportunity to go out on its own terms, Atlantis never got that chance. Going into those last few episodes, I’d heard the chances of a sixth season pick-up were 50/50.  Then, after looking into it further, it looked more than likely we would get that sixth season order.  And, suddenly, we were cancelled. WTF?

STARGATE: UNIVERSE

This one was the toughest because we only had two seasons.  We knew the odds were stacked against us and things looked grim – until we heard word, from a couple of sources, that we would be back for a third and final season.  We would get one more year to wrap up the story of Destiny’s crew.  And then, out of the blue, we didn’t.  We were cancelled.  And then certain players stepped up and made a stalwart 11th hour effort to save the show.  Only to be shut down.  Ouch.  This one still smarts.

So, do I have to ask?  What were your top Crushing Cancellations?

Oh, by the way, the repairman swung by today, on time, and fixed the oven.  I feel the need to point out that he wasn’t a Maytag repairman but a repairman sub-contracted by Maytag to do the job.  So let’s call this one a push.

February 28, 2013: The Not-So-Lonely Maytag Repairman!

My oven is broken.

“Again?”I can imagine you asking.  Or: “Wait a minute.  I’ve already read this blog entry!”

Actually, my oven is STILL broken.  It’s been inoperable for about a week now because, apparently,  that’s how long it takes the average Vancouver Maytag repairman to clear his busy schedule.  One week. Can you imagine how backed up they must be, no doubt attending to a veritable sea of disabled Maytag products?  A far cry from this lonely fellow:

So, last week, I booked an appointment for this week.  I cleared my entire day because, as you all know, they can never give you an exact time for when they’ll drop by.  Or maybe they simply won’t because it heightens the anticipation, sort of like an elusive sneeeze or anxiously awaiting the People’s Choice Award for Favorite Humanitarian.  It’s always: “Sometime between nine a.m. and noon.” Or: “Anytime between noon and 5:00 p.m.”  Or, in my case: “Thursday.”  Then imagine my surprise when my cell phone started ringing at 8:30 a.m. this morning.  Was it possible?  The best case scenario, all things considered?  Were they calling to confirm my address?  To inform me that they were enroute?  To let me know they were already standing on my front porch, poised to sweep in and address my oven issues?  Not exactly.

They were calling to find out what the problem was with my oven.  I informed the guy on the other end that none of the buttons were working on the control panel – just as I had informed the woman who had taken my call last week.  ”Ah, it’s a control panel issue,”he surmised.  ”I can come by and replace it.  Tomorrow.”

Seriously?  I had to clear my Thursday schedule so that I could field a call from the Maytag repairman and confirm information I had already relayed to the Maytag representative I’d spoken to a week earlier?  No wonder they’re so fucking lonely.  No one in their own company will even talk to them.

This doesn’t bode well for tomorrow’s visit.  I figure it can go one of a number of ways:

1. He shows up early, sometime in the morning while I’m out.

2. He shows up late, sometime during dinner while we’re eating.

3. He doesn’t show up at all.

4. He doesn’t show up but somebody else phones to ask what the problem is, surmises it’s a control panel issue, and promises to swing by next week, sometime between 5:00 a.m. Monday morning and midnight Friday.

5. He shows up, checks the stove, and realizes it’s not a control panel issue after all and has to reschedule another visit.

6.  He shows up, fixes the oven, then suggests I can pay him in hugs.

7. He shows up on time and fixes the oven.

Place yer bets!

Tagged: Maytag, Maytag repairman, service calls

February 27, 2013: When was the last time we did a Mailbag?

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these.

Let’s answer some questions…

for the love of Beckett writes: “How did you like “Cabinet of Curiosities?”

Answer: I liked it but not as much as either Still Life With Crows, Relic, or Reliquary.  Pendergast is a terrific character and I wanted to learn more about him, but felt his connection to the case he was investigating too contrived.

Ganymede writes: “BTW, what are Bubba’s “measurements”? ..maybe I can crochet something up..?”

Answer: Very kind of you but, as much as Akemi will deny it, Bubba hates to wear clothing.  He’s more of a free and easy type of pug.

PBMom writes: “Are you replacing the car with a newer model?”

Answer: Nope.  It’s a second car I’ve been meaning to sell for a while now.  Who’s interesting in acquiring a gorgeous 2007 Q7?

archersangel writes: “how many do you read a week? (where do you find the time to read?) and is your to be read pile fairly big?”

Answer: I average 3-4 books a week, but it really depends on how busy I am.  I make time, usually an hour or two before I go to sleep.  And, yes, my to-read pile is insurmountable.  And I’m still buying.

PJR writes: “Do you edit & re-edit in your mind’s eye, tightening & testing and then to fit/cut to page length? Or is it best for you to work primarily, or even in balance, on the page?”

Answer: I generally prefer to outline my work before starting on a script and, this usually results in the finished product being more or less spot on in terms of length.  I never worry about length while I’m writing.  That’s something I’ll address in the rewrite, making the necessary trims to get the script down to proper length if I need to.

PJR also writes: “Separately…an existing SF franchise…Global already or which side of the pond, or N American border?”

Answer: If you’re talking about the series and pilot we’ve developed, it’s an original concept.  If you’re referring to the “established property” that will form the basis for our next pilot, it’s a work of prose fiction by an established SF author.

G-Man writes: “I would have suggested renting out your home AND renting a suitable property, but I see some have already beaten me to it. However, there is a Mortgage expert based out of Chicago…”

Answer: Thanks for the input and the offer.  At the end of the day, if I had to go through the hassle of packing up everything and moving, I’d have no inclination to move back so renting out the house was never an option.

Duptiang writes: “Just curious, with this episode written and directed by Robert Cooper, how much Executive Producing do you get to do?”

Answer: When we were working on Stargate, all of the writer-producers were involved in helping to build stories: spinning, breaking, providing notes on outlines, drafts, cuts and mixes.  But, when it came to hands-on production, everyone essentially ran their own episodes.  In the case of Vegas, I believe Rob outlined the story on his own.  He also had even more influence on the final product as he directed the episode as well.

Duptiang also writes: “I think the big space battle was used earlier and a cost saving (nothing unusual). But, I think a quick view of youtube and that would have helped cast the scene and production. I felt it was cut out for a off the shelf sim program. Was that a production values decision?”

Answer: Sorry, don’t recall.

dasndanger writes: “Nuada is not your typical sociopathic villain, but instead he – for lack of better words – is a sensitive soul.”

Answer: On paper, yes, but the actor portraying Nuada failed to convey this in his performance.  His attempts to elicit sympathy from Hellboy, for instance, felt stock and, at times, silly.  For instance, in the scene with the giant plant creature, he appeals to Hellboy on the grounds that the creature is the last of its kind – yet Nuada had no problem siccing it on them, unleashing it to devastate the city center.  Instead of sympathetic, I found him disappointingly stock and kind of dumb.  It’s frustrating because I felt the base of a great character had been created but, ultimately, undermined by lazy dialogue.

Stitch writes: “Does the name Greg Z. Mean anything to you in the SGU world?  Since his vest is on eBay right now wanted to put face with name?”

Answer: Nope, sorry.  Never heard of him.  Most likely and extra.

Joan001 writes: “I’m enjoying the reruns and keep wondering what the “gang” is up to in the Pegasus Galaxy… Think it’s too late now for a movie?”

Answer: Sadly, yes.  Even if we could convince the entire cast to return (which would be quite a challenge given how Jason’s career has blown up post-SGA), we would have to face the even more daunting task of convincing the studio that an Atlantis movie would be a sound, financial move despite the fact that the show ended some four years ago.

Patricia Stewart-Bertrand writes: “Of all those people, once you get a green light for your next series, will you be recruiting some of them to come and work for you again?”

Answer: Yes, I joke about “getting the band back together” all the time.  Ideally, if we get the green light and do shoot in Vancouver, I’d like to work with as many Stargate vets as possible.

DP writes: “We have reason to believe that in your mind, where the series canon lives, Woolsey is in the Pegasus Galaxy right now. We’ll learn more about how that came about soon?”

Answer: In a future blog entry, I’ll discuss the script, Stargate: Extinction, what we had planned (more or less) for the movie and beyond.

David H writes: “I know it’s unlikely at this point, but was any thought ever given to trying to crowdfund the movies? Something like Kickstarter?”

Answer: If we, the producers, owned the rights to the franchise, then I can assure you we would have found a way to produce the movie.  The rights, alas, reside with the studio, MGM.

Tam Dixon writes: “Does Alex and Sara have room for you, Akemi and the pups?”

Answer: Oh, I’m sure they don’t.  But I’m sure they’d be willing to make room for time we’re there.  Like I said, we’ll only be in town for, at the most, five years.

dasndanger writes: ““Uh…nothing…nothing at all…though…umm, yeah…okay. Is that a squid?”

“Not exactly.””

Answer: Uh, yeah, thanks for that.  I’m having squid tonight for dinner.

Randomness writes: “Oh and Joe if you’re looking for another super long anime series…”

Answer: I much prefer the shorter (13-26 episode) series with a definitive end, like Cowboy Bebop or Now and Then, Here and There.  Any suggestions?

 

 

February 26, 2013: Gearing up? Days of Stargate Atlantis Past continues! Enemy at the Gate!

Look familiar?  Well, it should.  This is the massive VFX Stage at The Bridge Studios that once housed sections of Atlantis, the village set, various hive ships, and the Daedalus/Apollo/Odyssey/Korolev. Yesterday, Paul and I were joined by an old friend, former Stargate Producer/Production Manager John G. Lenic as we took a trip down memory lane, revisiting our old stomping grounds.  Once Upon A Time is now using Stage 4 (that once held the Destiny set), Stage 5 (the SGC gate room, control room, conference room, Hammond’s office, the infirmary, and surrounding corridors as well as the Alpha site corridors, control room, and gate room), and Stage 6 (the Atlantis gate room, control room, conference room, infirmary, and surrounding corridors) but there is plenty of stage space still available including the aforementioned monster VFX Stage.  While walking the grounds, we ran into a bunch of familiar faces – Ron, Graham, former Stargate Construction Coordinator Scott Wellenbrink, the gals in accounting. Earlier in the day, we’d paid a visit to Atmosphere Visual Effects where we spent some time with former Stargate VFX Supervisor Mark Savela and our former script coordinator Lawren Bancroft-Wilson.  Yep, just like old times.  Sort of.

And what, pray tell, were we doing reconnecting with our former colleagues?  Had we become wistful for times of yore and wanted to relive past memories?  Sure.  Let’s say that.  Also, our production partners on the shows we’ve been developing were in town and keen to see what Vancouver had to offer.  Just in case, say, we get that/those pick-ups.

My heart is with Vancouver and, given the choice, I would love to shoot here but, realistically, Toronto may make more financial sense.  At least, I suspect, until the ruling provincial liberal party gets booted from office this May (despite spending 11 million dollars for the rights to host the Indian equivalent of the Golden Globes).  Still, all options are on the table and being explored.  I hear that if we shoot in Germany, we’d get even more bang for our buck.  And there’s the added cost-effective bonus of being able to move in with our former colleagues – and recent newlyweds – Alex and Sarah while we’re there. I’m sure they’d love to host us – for the eight months to five years that the series will run!

Well, since we’re on the subject, what say we (almost) conclude our trips down SGA memory lane with the show’s final episode…

ENEMY AT THE GATE (520)

Five years, 100 episodes, and it all came down to a group farewell from the balcony of the City of Atlantis, overlooking San Francisco Bay. Originally, we had planned to land Atlantis off New York but my writing partner. Paul, vehemently objected on grounds of scale.  So we changed it to a west coast location.  And thus ended the series.  Although, if things had worked out differently, the trip to Earth would have just been a stop on their return journey back to the Pegasus Galaxy.  Oh, what fun we’d planned.  Well, more than planned.  We’d actually written a script.  But more on that in another blog entry.

After five seasons, Atlantis had come to an end but, unlike SG-1, it lacked a true sense of finality.  I mean, sure, that last shot of our heroes, all together, finally back on Earth worked as a series ender but that was never the intent.  By the time we got word of the cancelation, the finale was already in prep.  Still, I had no doubt we’d be given the opportunity to truly wrap things up with a movie that would return our heroes to Pegasus and, like the SG-1 finale, suggest that they were still out there and that their adventures continued.

To be honest, news of the cancellation came as a bit of shock.  I’ve already discussed the specifics in previous entries but, suffice it to say, up to a few days before receiving final word, various sources had informed me we WERE coming back for a sixth (and probably final) season.  The story that was eventually turned into the script, Stargate: Extinction, was originally slated to be the following season’s two-parter opener.  But, of course, things changed.

Paul and I found out, walked down the hall and broke the news to a disappointed Carl Binder, Martin Gero, and Alan McCullough, then headed down to the trailers were we informed the cast.  A sad day.

As for the this final episode, while, in hindsight, there were a few things I’d have done differently (ie. introduce the idea of the wormhole drive earlier in the season.  Ironically, it was it was originally conceived, not as a payoff in this episode, but in the “return journey” storyline) it nevertheless worked well in that it closed a chapter while opening the door to endless possibilities.

Tagged: Atlantis, Days of Stargate Atlantis Past, Enemy at the Gate, film & television, science fiction, scifi television, SF, SF television, SGA, Stargate: Atlantis

February 25, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Hellboy II: The Golden Army!

Monster pleasantly surprised by first Hellboy so, of course, me expeckt less of de same from de sekwel becuz, after all, it be a sewkwel. Remember Hangover II?  Blues Brothers 2000?  Citizen Kane II: The Quickening?  But Hellboy II: The Golden Army out-surprise de first Hellboy.  It a movie wit even more heart, even more humor, even more spekatcular visual effekts – but also, at times, even more problems.

Big Red

Movie begin wit old professor telling young Hellboy legend of The Golden Army.  It go someting like dis:  Humans jerks so goblins build mekanical army for King of Elves who use it to kick ass.  Truce called and magik crown dat control army get broken into tree pieces.  Dis piss off young elf Prince Nuada who go into exile to sulk.

High five!

But he not sulk for long.  Mebbe only a few centuries.  And when a piece of de crown show up at auktion, he also show up to claim it – and sic creepy little flying “tooth fairy” creatures on everyone.  He den pay his dad, de King, a visit and kill him to get second piece of crown.  But his twin sister, Princess Nuala, run away wit final piece, spoiling brother’s plans.

It’s de wraith!  I mean de elves!

BPRD (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense) , not to be confused wit BURPED (Bureau for Underwater Paranormal Research and Defense), arrive on scene of auction massakre to investigate, get attacked, and outed.  Now everyone know Hellboy and co. really exist! Cool, no?  How will dis play out in rest of movie?  Oh, it not?  Den never mind.

Government upset, so send in new agent to join Hellboy and co.  DIS guy -

Krauss blow his top.

Johann Krauas be a steampunk German ectoplasmic medium wit attitude.  He be annoying at first but, over course of movie, monster really warm up to him.  In fakt, entire BPRD team – Hellboy, Liz, Abe, Johann, even Tom Manning (played by Jeffrey Tamborine) – be unique, interesting, very likable charakters.  So monster perplexed dat main villain, Prince Nuada, be so dull.  Oh, he very interesting to look at and his fight scenes be great but, at end of de day, he not be partikularly sympathetic or despicable.  He just a little bland.

BPRD visit Troll City where dey find Princess Nuala and bring her back to headquarters.  She flirt wit Abe Sapien who fall head over flippers in love wit her.  Despite being covered in prostetiks, aktor Doug Jones practically steal de movie, delivering terrifik performance as Abe (who could be love child of Fraiser’s Niles Crane and Creature from de Black Lagoon).  In one of movie’s highpoints, Abe and Hellboy bond, booze and brood over deir respektive relationships.  BUT fun time interrupted by Prince Nuada who track down his sister.  Becuz dey be twins, he able to locate her and comes close to finding final piece of magik crown hidden in a book -

When good guys show up.  Prince Nuada fight Hellboy, stick him wit point of magik spear, kidnap his sis and leave.

Broken spear point stuck in Hellboy.  He dying!  Liz, Hellboy and Abe – wit surprize help from Johann – steal plane and go get help.  Dey end up coming across monster who happen to want de spear point and happen to know someone who can get it out (yeah, yeah, me know, me know.  It be a stretch).  Our heroes pay visit to second cousin of creature from Pan’s Labyrinth -

Pan’s Labyrinth?  No.  Dat’s de other guy.

He remove spear point from Hellboy but warn dat, one day, Hellboy will destroy Earth.  But dat’s a story for another time…

Showdown!

Hellboy, Liz, Abe, and Johann track down Prince Nuada and sis.  Abe give up final piece of crown which allow Nuada to awaken Golden Army. Big fight ensue!  Our heroes about to get deir asses kicked when Hellboy challenge Nuada for de crown.  Dey duel.  Hellboy win!  Nuada a sore loser and about to get all stabby-stabby on Hellboy when Princess Nuala stab herself, mortally wounding both her and her brother.  Becuz dat’s what happens when you’re a twin.

Our heroes eskape.  Liz inform Hellboy dat he going to be a dad – of twins!  And Johann Krauss deliver best line of entire movie:

Verdikt: More heart, more humor, more spektacular visual effekts but weak villain and a few contrived moments.  Still, sooper entertaining. Me tink Abe deserve his own spin-off.  Or late night talk show.

Rating: 8 chocolate chippee cookies.

Tagged: BPRD, comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Hellboy II: The Golden Army, film & television, Hellboy, Hellboy II, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, superhero movie reviews, superhero movies, superheroes

February 24, 2013: My review of dinner at Steve and Jodi’s!

Last night, Akemi and I attended a dinner hosted by our friends Steve and Jodi, a home cooked meal inspired by Steve’s Hungarian roots.  So, how did he do?  Here’s my review:

Lookit him go!!!

We arrived to find Steve hard at work, slaving over a hot stove.  There were a number of different dishes in play but he seemed calm and coordinated, moving effortlessly from pot to oven to slow cooker to the various plates lined up beside him.  This, I thought, was a good sign. He was prepared.  And, more importantly, was going to serve dinner at a reasonable hour.  There’s nothing I hate more than attending a dinner party where the meal is served a good one to two hours after the requested arrival time.  Not on this night, however.  I’m pleased to report that we were seated approximately fifteen minutes after our arrival.

The starter was a traditional Hungarian soup containing duck hearts and livers – and, oh yeah, carrots and such.  I’m not a huge soup fan but I was mightily impressed, not only with the tender components (Akemi couldn’t stop talking about the ultra-carroty carrots) and flavorful broth, but the tiny and delightfully toothsome Hungarian noodles.  I would have had a second bowl (a rarity!) but decided to pace myself.  There was a lot of eating ahead.

Our main course was, well, a bit of everything.  Slow-cooked tender beef goulash served over home made spaetzle, topped with sour cream. Tasty breaded, fried chicken livers that proved much more subtle than their calf counterparts.  Peas prepared in a thick roux.  And then rustic paprika-potato mash studded with marvelous smokey Hungarian sausage.  Fantastic.

At this point, we took a break so that Steve could open his belated birthday gift.  We got him a sampler from the Vancouver Olive Oil Company that included two types of olive oil, two flavored olive oils (garlic and harissa), and two balsamics (white peach and dark expresso).  On the box, Akemi had written: “Happy Deleted Birthday!”. Before leaving our place, she’d asked me what to write. I said: “Happy Belated Birthday”.  She started writing, got partway through and asked: “How do you spell delated?”.  ”Not delated,”I said.  ”BElated!”  ”You said delated!”she insisted.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t say delated but, since she’d already written the d and e, I suggested we salvage the message by going with “deleted” instead.

I’m sure it didn’t affect the taste of the olive oil.

Then, it was on to dessert…

An assortment of desserts from the old country compliments of Transylvania Flavour (and Steve who transported them home on his bike).  My favorite was the hazelnut pastry.

Also for dessert, Steve’s belated deleted birthday cake which we picked up from Thomas Haas Patisserie.  Rich!  Decadent!  A thing of beauty!

The post-dinner entertainment was supplied by Steve and Jodi’s three year old daughter, Gemma, who led us all in a marathon session of X-Box Kinect (until I feigned an injury and rode out the rest of the night on the couch).

Iron Chef Steve

Judge Jodi

Excellent food and excellent service.  Free parking available with their visitor parking pass.

Highly recommended.

February 23, 2013: Progress report and news of note!

The first, rough pass of my new pilot is complete.  And, as expected, it’s a  little long, even by cable script standards.  It presently sits at 65 robust pages but I’m sure I can get it down to a respectable 62(ish) by week’s end.  Normally, I just send it my writing partner’s way and have him do his pass, but I’m considering breaking with tradition and sending it to a few other trusted critics as well.  I’ll get their input and address the notes after which I’ll send the script to my agent who will, in turn, set it up somewhere.  We’ll do five seasons of the series, endlessly discuss the possibility of a movie that will never come to fruition, then I’ll retire early to divide time between my Tokyo food trips and running my school for wayward pugs and french bulldogs. Sounds like a plan, no?

It’s been a while.  Let’s get caught up on all the news you need to know:

Hey, look at what hit the shelves earlier this week.  And the rest:

It’s the Rich Horton-edited superhero-themed anthology featuring stories from Kelly Link, Peter S. Beagle, and yours truly.  ”Downfall”, which made it’s debut in the Masked anthology, edited by my buddy Lou Anders, finds second life in this collection.  Order it here: Superheroes.  Early reviews are promising: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/features/superheroes-once-more-feeling/

If alien truly are out there, why haven’t they made contact yet?  Well, here’s why: 5 Insane Theories About Why We Haven’t Discovered Alien Life  I’m going with a variation of #3: We’re just not all that interesting.

Montana TV station issues bogus emergency zombie alert (VIDEO) | The Lookout – Yahoo! News Canada

People actually took it seriously?  Well, you would too if you read this article: 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

Nielsen Ratings To Add TV Watching Via Broadband  Everyone else welcomes Nielsen to the 21st century.

No!  Not Nintendo Cereal System! http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/shfke/briangalindo/25-cereals-from-the-80s-you-will-never-eat-again

Ooh, look what’s back: