Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 438

December 8, 2013

December 8, 2013: News of note! A mailbag!

Big bourbon heist in Kentucky!  190 bottles of rare Pappy Van Winkle whisky go missing.  A $10 000 reward is offered for its safe return:


Apparently, the stolen bottles could be worth several hundred thousand dollars on the black market.  Several hundred thousand dollars!  How good IS this bourbon?!


Just in time for the holidays.  Presenting, Yahoo’s Weirdest Holiday Specials: http://tv.yahoo.com/blogs/tv-news/the-12-wtfs-of-christmas–the-weirdest-holiday-specials-we-ve-ever-seen-004407568.html


What the hell is Chewbacca wearing?

What the hell is Chewbacca wearing?


“Any discussion of weird Christmas specials begins and ends with this notorious misfire; George Lucas himself has said he’d like to track down every remaining copy and smash it with a sledgehammer. (And this is a man who still defends Jar Jar Binks!) It’s basically a bad acid trip that combines “Star Wars” with every terrible variety show you had to sit through in the ’70s because there was nothing else on.”


http://www.cracked.com/article_20556_5-animal-rights-campaigns-that-managed-to-screw-over-animals.html  Ah, good old PETA: “#3. Animal Advocates Wanted to Euthanize All of Michael Vick’s Dogs (and Campaigned for Him to Get New Ones)…one year after stating that both of those animals could never possibly be rehabilitated, the Humane Society argued in favor of Vick being allowed to keep dogs again, despite his conviction banning him from ever owning another pet (they claim their support had absolutely nothing to do with the $50,000 grant that Vick’s Philadelphia Eagles gave them).”


This - Hong Kong Food Critic Says Local Michelin Guide Gets It Wrong, lead me to this: www.elizabethonfood.com/content/1047/2/Former_chief-inspector_slashes_Michelin.html.  ”In his book Van Cranenbroeck lifts the veil of mystery of Michelin. He writes that the Benelux guides with more than 3,000 hotels and restaurants are made by only 3 inspectors. They are so well-known that Michelin’s famous anonymity is a fairytale, Van Cranenbroeck says. [..] Inspectors have so little time that they visit most restaurants only once every 2 years. They have no time whatsoever for discovering new restaurants. According to Van Cranenbroeck falling sales of the red guides put inspectors under pressure to create news. “Add a star, take one away, create excitement”.  Need a restaurant recommendation?  Ditch the tire company book and ask a local or check out an online food forum.


Mailbag:


Pepper writes: “What about Westerns?”


Answer: Given the choice, I’d go with this one…



JeffW writes: “And Joe, did you watch the Ravens – Viking game? Wow, a cliffhanger right to the end!”


Answer: I did.  My Snow Monkeys got the first round bye in my league’s fantasy football playoffs so I was able to just sit back and enjoy the games this weekend.  A crazy finish.  I thought the game was over three different times.


2cats writes: “How are the furry kids these days? Are you still considering adopting another pup?”


Answer: They’re great – but, lately, greatly embarrassed by Akemi’s affinity for dressing them up in advance of the holidays.


11And, yes, still thinking about adopting a senior dog.  It’s something we’ll look into in the new year.


dasndanger writes: “EVERYONE knows that the Hawaii 5-O theme is the best theme song of all time.”


Answer: Ah, but the list wasn’t The Top 10 Best T.V. Theme Songs of All Time.  It was My Top 10 Favorite T.V. Themes!


glowyzoey writes: “…and Star Trek: Voyager because it’s sweepingly dramatic.”


Answer: Voyager would make my Top 20.  As would SGA.


glowyzoey also writes: “Didn’t you do a post on this once before or is this deja vu all over again?”


Answer: Close, but not quite.  I once did  a post listing my favorite “natsukashii” t.v. themes (those t.v. themes that make me nostalgic for days gone by): March 22, 2012: Top 10 Natsukashii T.V. Themes!


RichS writes: “Ah, the Stargate theme, but can you still sing the lyrics ? :)


Answer: As a matter of fact…Yes!



arctic goddess writes: “Aw Joe, how could you forget the Theme from MacGyver?”


Answer: Believe it or not, I’ve never watched a single episode.  Don’t tell Rick!


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Published on December 08, 2013 19:37

December 7, 2013

December 7, 2013: My Top 10 Favorite T.V. Themes!

I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing that gets me revved up to watch a show like a terrific opening theme.  Sadly, many shows today elect to do without, which I think is a shame.  After all, I can’t imagine any of the following iconic t.v. shows without their equally iconic t.v. themes…



10. Hawaii Five-O


To be honest, I never watched the original series and have never watched the modern version either, but I’ve always loved the killer theme with its awesome drum and timpani ramp up giving way to the trumpets that carry the day.



9. Dr. Who


Another show I’ve watched fitfully over the years, this one with a theme deliciously weird and wondrous.  Its original test tone-generated electronic sound so unique that it has survived through the themes many variations.



8. Mission Impossible


The intro credit sequence of the lit fuse burning before a backdrop of quick cut action sequences accompanied by the ultra-cool theme actually made me not want to watch the show because I knew that there was no way it could equal the excitement generated by that signature opening.



7. Curb Your Enthusiasm


Whereas the other themes were exhilarating  and dramatic, this one is comic, almost Chaplainesque, and instantly puts me in the mood. When those french horns start us off, I’m already amused.



6. Batman


It’s a pretty simple tune with easy-to-remember lyrics (“Batman!” sung eleven times) but its got a great bass and brass rhythm that holds the promise of action, adventure, and colorful costumed villains.



5. Spiderman


The lyrics here were a little trickier but that didn’t stop me from singing this jazzy theme – check that – hasn’t stopped me from singing this jazzy theme aloud whenever it comes on t.v.



4. Boardwalk Empire


I like this series a lot and while there are other shows I may enjoy a little more, their respective themes don’t come close to measuring up. The pleasant guitar solo and images of a day at the beach slowly giving way to a darker, raunchier riff as the storm clouds move in and the tide sweeps in the bootlegged booze = perfection.  I defy you to watch this show and NOT want to drink whisky.



3. Dallas


Oil wells, sprawling freeways, Texas Stadium, and reflective skyscrapers of silver and gold – everything I needed to know about Dallas was summed up in this opening sequence marked by split screen shots, sweeping vistas, and a positively stirring theme.



2. Stargate SG-1


Nothing so instantly sparks my pride like the opening theme to Stargate: SG-1.  As dynamic and inspired as the show it represents.



1. The Sopranos


I don’t think any opening theme in the history of television has done a better job of setting the mood and instantly building anticipation.  A little bluesy, a little hip-hop, a little techno, and a whole lot of attitude.


Tagged: t.v. themes, television themes
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Published on December 07, 2013 23:09

December 6, 2013

December 6, 2013: Your government knows what’s best for you! Really!

Here in Canada, couples filing for divorce must wait one full year before a judgment will be granted.  Why?  Well, because the government (not YOU) knows what’s best for you.  They don’t believe you actually want that divorce, think you two are just perfect together, and would really love for you guys to make it work.  They’re shippers at heart, so they’re giving you a cooling off period during which you can reconsider things and hopefully work things out.  


That’s really swell of them to care so much, but I would think that if they were really all that concerned about our well-being, they would implement that mandatory cooling off period on the other side. Instead of having to wait a year before getting a divorce, couples should have to wait a full year before getting married.  Oh, sure, many do, but just as many rush headlong into marriage like Lord Cardigan leading his forces against the Russians at Balaclava.  But why stop there?  Why limit itself to sticking its nose into our personal lives?  If our government truly cared about us, they would implement cooling off periods for other equally weighty decisions.  


Want that new car, house, or refrigerator?  Oh, sure, you may say yes now, but will you still say yes six months from now?  Maybe you need a cooling off period during which you can continue driving that old jalopy or live out of your car or subsist on take-out and packaged ramen.  And what about perhaps the most important decision an adult can make: the decision to become a parent.  Shouldn’t there be a cooling off period, say somewhere between two or three months, for couples thinking of getting pregnant? They could register an “intent to impregnate” and then take some time off to really think things through.  If they’re still gung-ho after the designated wait time has elapsed, the government will approve their petition and it’s a go.  Have at it.  But, if it turns out insemination takes place before approval is granted, then the couple could be subject to a modest fine which would, of course, go toward helping to fund other equally important government programs like the Having Seconds Thoughts About Your Haircut statute and the Reconsider Your Shoes regulation.


According to Akemi, there  is no cooling off period in Japan.  People can divorce immediately.  There is, however, a cooling off period for women who want to remarry.  While Japanese men may remarry immediately, Japanese women must wait six months.  When I asked why this is, Akemi informed me that it was to avoid any sort of paternity confusion in the case of immediate pregnancies.  Sounds a little, er, gender-biased to me but what, really, what do I know.  I’m just some naive citizen who needs to be protected from himself.


1Hey, want to guess the identity of one of the feature ingredients in Ben & Jerry’s Scotchy Scotch Scotch ice cream, a flavor inspired by the scotch-loving anchorman in the movie of the same name?  Well, I’ll give you a hint.  It aint scotch.


The “scotch” being featured here is actually butterscotch.  It felt like a bit of a bait and switch, a grievous error in judgment on the part of Benjamin and/or Gerald which I rectified with the addition of a shot of Booker’s bourbon:


Ah, MUCH better.

Ah, MUCH better.


Okay, so after starting my research on that huge pile of books pictured in yesterday blog entry, I was able to eliminate over half from contention, and then another that turned out to be utter crap 100 pages in.  And so, here is my reduced get-to pile:


Now that's a bit more realistic.

Now that’s a bit more realistic.


And what of you?  Read any good books/sampled any good bourbon lately?  Do tell!


Tagged: Ben & Jerry's Scotchy scotch scotch, bourbon, food, government, Scotchy scotch scotch, Scotchy scotch scotch ice cream
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Published on December 06, 2013 19:11

December 5, 2013

December 5, 2013: Be nice to the people you meet on your way to the top because you’ll probably meet them again on your way to the bottom!

One of the first things everyone learns when they get into this business is that they have a choice: You can either be an asshole and treat people like crap OR you can you can be kind and respectful to everyone you work with.  And, by everyone, I mean EVERYONE.  Not just those who can help your career, but the grips and stand-ins and assistants who work just as hard but don’t necessarily have the reach or influence of a top-flight director or television executive.  As someone once told me: “Be nice to the people you meet on your way to the top because you’ll probably meet them again on your way to the bottom.”.    And it’s true.  Believe me, I’ve seen it happen.  Powerful  individuals – at the top of their game one day; reduced to a mere afterthought the next.  And, in each instant, there was little if any sympathy to be found.  People have long memories.  They’ll remember those who treat them unfairly.  Alternately, they also tend to remember those who have treated them with kindness and respect.


I bring this up because, today, I was presented with an incredible opportunity that came my way from a totally unexpected source.  I met this individual on set several years ago and we struck up a friendship.  She was interested in getting into scriptwriting and producing, two subjects on which I’m fairly well-informed, so I offered her some advice.  Over the course of the past few years, we’ve kept in touch, updating each other on our respective careers.  Then, last week, she emailed to me ask if I had time to talk.  So we chatted this morning.  Apparently, her hard work, perseverance and, of course, talent, have finally paid off.  Things are moving quickly for her and she needed some advice which, as always, I was more than happy to provide.  But that wasn’t the only reason for her call.  It turned out she had another opportunity, this one for me.  I was touched.  It’s an incredible project and a real honor to be in the running.  Totally unexpected but greatly appreciated.


All this to say, in the words of the immortal Frank Burns: “It’s nice to be nice to the nice.”


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Published on December 05, 2013 20:06

December 4, 2013

December 4, 2013: Wow! I’ve got my work cut out for me!

1Well…”work”.  Technically, yes, it is.  ”Research” to be more precise.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy it.  Still, it’s a hell of a daunting pile to get through – hopefully in record time.  A little less than half I’ll actually be re-reading to refresh my memory.  The rest will be first-time forays.  Give me an “On your mark.  Get set…”


And, if I start to tire and become bleary-eyed, I can always switch gears and get some writing done.  There’s plenty of that on deck as well.  I’m about halfway through the southern gothic pilot and have started work on that horror feature.  I await the go-ahead to go to script on the show we’re developing and have already received word we’ll be heading to L.A. in January to pitch another.  I have a call scheduled for next week in an attempt to clear up an impediment that has stalled that super-secret project I alluded to in previous blog posts and, if successful, should start scripting immediately.


If it seems like a lot, that’s only because it is.  I’m launching a full-scale creative assault on multiple fronts in advance of next year’s mid-April deadline.  Mid-April, in case you didn’t know, is when staffing season begins in L.A., a window in which the networks seek out writers for their new and established programming.  Ideally, I’d like to land something here – something I created that I can show run in Vancouver – but barring that, it’ll be time to pull up stakes and get a real job, working on somebody else’s show.  And that’s fine.  I’ve done it before and enjoyed it immensely (for the most part).


Having said that, it really would still be preferable to have my own show on the air.


So, hopefully, one of the approximately ten projects I’ve got in the works will pay off big within the next four months.  It may seem like a lot of balls in the air but I’ve learned that, in this business, you have to multi-task because, while you may work quickly, everyone else you’re dealing with progresses at a snail’s pace.  Need to schedule an emergency phone call?  No problem.  How’s next week look for you? Have a strong, detailed vision for a script that everyone loves?  Great!  Everyone will love to read it.  Right after they approve the outline.  Eager to hear word on that pilot you delivered last month?  Relax.  Take some time.  Take a trip.  Have a baby.  They’ll get back to you.


It’s mystifying really.  Downright incomprehensible.  I remember a time, early in my career, when I was a development executive.  Every week, everyone in our department would get together for a lengthy board meeting during which we would update each other on ongoing projects.  These meetings were, in a word, “excruciating”.  Realistically, we could have simply sent our updates to an assistant who could have just as easily edited them together and sent them back  in a mass email – taking maybe thirty minutes to accomplish a task that normally took us four to five hours.  Instead, it was always the same thing.  We would gather.  No one would say much of any real relevance for half an hour.  Then, we’d begin our updates.  No one would get to the point.  They would meander and we would all end up taking a twenty minute conversational detour before veering back onto the topic at hand.  Fully three-quarters of these meetings would be commandeered by individuals who would say absolutely nothing – but take hours to not do so.  Then, on the other hand, there were those who actually said something – the exact same thing in fact, in thirty different variations.  It would take forever to finally get to the point and, when someone finally did, said point would be beaten to death.


I know, I know.  Everyone has their own way of doing things.  And that’s fine.  I just don’t understand why everyone else’s system takes so damn long.  I’m reminded of another incident, this one during my final year on Stargate: Atlantis.  We got the news that Amanda wouldn’t be coming back for season 5, so we would need an new commander.  I immediately thought of Richard Woolsey played by the wonderful Robert Picardo.   Someone in the room suggested I contact business affairs and get the ball rolling on the negotiations.  I hesitated, knowing full well what that would mean: calls, missed calls, calls never returned, miscommunication, lost messages, more calls, delays because individuals go away on vacation, and more calls until, finally, a deal…maybe a month or two down the line.  So, instead, I just picked up the phone, called Bob, and asked him: “Hey, do you want to be the new commander of the Atlantis expedition?”  Bob thanked us for thinking of him, said he would discuss it with his family, and get back to me.  An hour later, he called back.  He was in!  Pleased, I phoned up our casting director and had him make an offer.  Within the hour, we received a counter.  We countered back and closed the deal.  It took all of an afternoon.


So, given my experience, I’m convinced that the truly successful people in this business are those with either infinite patience or a near infinite amount of projects on the go.  And I’m not very patient.


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Published on December 04, 2013 20:19

December 3, 2013

December 3, 2013: It’s time to Rally the Troops!

For some good causes:


Blog regular PBMom needs our support.  She writes: “As most of you know, Patrick’s autism school is a 501(c)3 charitable organization (translation–tax write-off). I am always in competition with the Armenta family to try to beat their campaign (never quite do it). Last year was kind of sad in terms of fundraising. The previous year I was able to raise over $1000 for Including Kids. So if you guys feel like you might want to help them, I have a little write up about things Patrick has accomplished just this year. Also have a link to the story our local Fox 26 Houston station did last Christmas as a follow-up to their original story 5 years prior. The news story really gives you a visual of how far he has come since then. Every tiny bit can help. I was thinking that if my 700 FB friends and my 2000+ followers on Twitter all gave $5, I could raise $13,000 for the school. But I know that is not reality. I’d just be happy if I could meet the goal of $1000. Here is the link:


http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/hildabowen/fallintogiving


Another great cause is Director T. J. Scott’s “In the Tub”, a project that saw him photograph 150+ celebrities “stripped down and in a tub” for Breast Cancer Research.  T.J. financed the shoot himself and all of the models posed for free.  The photographs have been collected in a book (titled “In the Tub” – what did you think?) and proceeds from sales will be donated to UCLA’s Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Research Center.  So far, $120 000 has been raised in pre-sales.  Head on over here (https://inthetubbook.com) to learn more about the project and place your orders.  Bathing beauties include Elyse Levesque, Kandyse McLure, and my good friend Tara Yelland.  Oh, and some guys too.


1Another cause, this one dog-related.  A family in Seattle is trying to raise money to help get the word out about their missing bulldog, Deuce, who went missing from his yard in October.


The gofundme link is here: http://www.gofundme.com/5kslm8


And the Facebook page is here: https://www.facebook.com/deucepodhola.


1Another good cause – but this time, in reverse.  You can help by doing nothing.  More specifically, avoid shopping on kleargear.com and get the word out for others to follow suit.  The reason?   This purported $47 million dollar a year company fined some unhappy customers $3500 for writing a negative review about their crappy experience dealing with the kleargear.com, then reported them to at least one credit agency when they didn’t pay up, negatively impacting their credit rating.  ”KlearGear (…) has yet to comment on the case and has locked down its Twitter and Facebook accounts in the face of a barrage of criticism.”  http://www.digitaltrends.com/web/kleargear-fines-couple-3500-negative-review/  Help put these bullies in their place by taking your business elsewhere.


A mini mailbag:


JeffW writes: “Unfortunately, as of now there is no man-made replacement for cartilage, so after I heal from this, it will be whatever it is.”


Answer: A stem cell treatment might help (Stem cell therapy to repair damaged knee cartilage – Science Daily).  Sadly, illegal for humans in your area, but quite legal here for my dog Jelly who benefited greatly.


atlantis-t.v.ru writes: “Rush is villain. Wait, wha?!”


Answer: I included some anti-heroes who definitely walk the line, individuals like The Shield’s Vic Mackey and Tony Soprano.  Rush has his good points but he is definitely self-serving, and some of his actions were…let’s call them somewhat unethical.  Remember when he tried to frame Young for murder?


PBMom writes: “@Joe Clarification: What is the cut-off for “early pickup?” for Lawren’s game? Would Blacklist pickup be considered “early?” Just so I know how to score it.”


Answer: Not sure.  Are you our official score-keeper?


Randomness writes: “The Blacklist just got renewed Joe. No surprises there, great show, pulling fantastic numbers. It’s adding over 6 million live viewers, + over 2.1 18-49 ratings points in the Live + 7, when you add ontop of its live audience the show is getting well over 16 million viewers an episode.”


Answer: Wow.  I remember a time when networks didn’t care about Live + 7.


Tagged: Bring Deuce Home, In the Tub, Including Kids, kleargear, T.J. Scott
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Published on December 03, 2013 20:13

December 2, 2013

December 2, 2013:

My favorite t.v. villains:


125. Lucretia (Spartacus)


124. Newman (Seinfeld)


123. Catwoman (Batman)


122. Mysterio (Spiderman)


121. Stringer Bell (The Wire)


120. Vern Schillinger (Oz)


119. Omar LIttle (The Wire)


118. The Joker (Batman)


117. Batiatus (Spartacus)


116. Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)


115. Al Swearengen (Deadwood)


114. Mr. Burns (The Simpsons)


113. Michael (Stargate: Atlantis)


112. Scorpius (Farscape)


111. Chang (Community)


110. Barrows (Downton Abbey)


19. Todd (Stargate: Atlantis)


18. Ba’al (Stargate: SG-1)


17. Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones)


16. Nicholas Rush (Stargate: Universe)


15. Gus Fring (Breaking Bad)


14. J.R. Ewing (Dallas)


13. Vic Mackey (The Shield)


12. Walter White (Breaking Bad)


11. Tony Soprano (The Sopranos)


Agree?  Disagree?  Omissions?  Additions?  Let’s hear ‘em!


Tagged: bad guys, My Top 25 T.v. Villains, t.v. villains, t.v.'s greatest villains, television's best bad guys, television's best villains, television's greatest villains, villains
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Published on December 02, 2013 20:29

December 1, 2013

December 1, 2013: Sympathies, Snow Monkeys, and Sustenance!

1


I received the following sympathy card from my friend Lawren today, offering his condolences on the premature end to my Snow Monkeys’ season in Stargate fantasy football league play.


Heartfelt, no?

Heartfelt, no?


I can draw solace from the fact that I ended my season with a win over Robert Cooper’s Landsharks, potentially knocking him out of post-season contention.  On the other hand, the win is even more bitter considering it would have put me in the playoffs had I won last week (aka NOT listened to the pundits and gone ahead and played Carson Palmer at quarterback over Case Keenum).


1


But what’s done is done and now, focus shifts to my OTHER Snow Monkeys, the ones who have already clinched a playoff spot in my original league and are battling for a first round bye.


My already good day was made even better by the fact that, even though I was hosting football Sunday this weekend, I wasn’t doing any of the cooking.  No, that task fell on my buddy, Ivon Bartok, who served up slow-roasted pork tacos, pineapple salsa, and fresh guacamole.


The Happy Homemaker

The Happy Homemaker


A pot o' porky.

A pot o’ porky.


The spread

The spread


Good times.  And great eating!


So it’s been for the past week as Akemi gets her cook on…


Slow-roasted porchetta

Slow-roasted porchetta


Sweet pea soup

Sweet pea soup


Joel Robuchon's curry and tomato spiced eggplant fondant

Joel Robuchon’s curry and tomato spiced eggplant fondant


So, what have you all been cooking up?  Getting into the holiday spirit?  Bubba sure is!


1


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Published on December 01, 2013 18:29

November 30, 2013

November 30, 2013: The Mechanics of Death in Scripted Television!

1[WARNING: This blog entry contains spoilers for shows you really should have already watched by now].


I came across the following article this morning: ‘Walking Dead’ finale: If Daryl dies, we riot.  This, of course, is a reference to television’s most beloved redneck, Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus), who fans fear may well meet his untimely end on this Sunday’s mid-season finale of The Walking Dead.  After all, cable’s hottest show has proven it isn’t afraid to kill off their series regulars.  Remember Sophia?  Dale?  T-Dog?  Lori?  Merle?  Andrea?  Hell, television in general has a rich history of dealing out shocking and unexpected deaths.  From MASH’s Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake to, most recently, Brian Griffin on Family Guy, it would seem that  no one is safe. Not even a martini-swilling cartoon dog.


R.I.P. Brian Griffin

R.I.P. Brian Griffin


Or so they would have us believe, but the truth is some are safer than others.  Most notably series leads, regulars under contract, fan and/or writer/producer favorites – their mortality rate tends to be a hell of a lot lower than the going average.  Still, IMPROBABLE doesn’t mean IMPOSSIBLE and, occasionally, even the unlikeliest of characters fall to the grim reaper’s scythe (a.k.a. writer’s laptop).  It all depends on the circumstances.


And what ARE some of these circumstances?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  Forget heart disease and car accidents.  Here are the leading causes of death in t.v. characters…


1


THE STORY CALLS FOR IT


Back in Stargate: SG-1′s seventh season, Executive Producer Robert Cooper wanted to write a script that drove home the constant dangers our characters faced in the course of fulfilling their duties.  It was to be an episode that demonstrated the fickleness of death and paid tribute to the fallen – but, in order to be truly effective, it required a little something more.  It required one of our established characters to die – not while facing down alien hordes or executing some daring op but after being struck by something so seemingly random and inconsequential as an errant staff blast.  And the fact that it turned out to be Janet Fraiser, Stargate’s longtime Chief Medical Officer, dying while saving another life, made it all that more poignant.  Years later another doctor on another Stargate show met a similar fate for much the same reason.  And Carson Beckett’s demise was just as surprising and heartbreaking.


1


THE CHARACTER’S ARC HAS ENDED


This usually applies to secondary characters and villains.  Sometimes, a character is created with a finite arc in mind and is ushered out when the writer feels their story has been told.  Other times, characters simply overstay their welcome like bad party guests and end up getting deep-sixed long past their natural expiration date.  As much as I loved the villainous goa’uld, I felt they’d fallen into the latter category by the end of SG-1′s eighth season.  Breaking Bad’s Jesse Pinkman falls into the former category of course.  Wait!  What?!  Yes, it’s true.  The original plan was to kill off Jesse Pinkman at the end of the show’s first season, but Aaron Paul so impressed that the character was granted an extended reprieve.  In similar fashion, Stargate: Universe’s Dale Volker also avoided certain death.  On the other hand…


Not so fast.

Not so fast.


IT JUST DOESN’T WORK OUT


On the flip side are those characters for whom great plans are made, great hopes pinned but who, for whatever reason, fail to live up to their potential.  They are introduced, usually with much fanfare, only to exit with barely a whimper.


Sir? Sir! Step away from the light!

Sir? Sir! Step away from the light!


THE ACTOR/ACTRESS HAS DECIDED TO MOVE ON


It happens.  The decision is made on the part of the actor to leave the show. Amicable creative discussions ensue culminating in a fitting onscreen death.  Dr. Daniel Jackson received a heroic send-off in SG-1′s Meridian, one that never fails to tug at the heart strings on subsequent viewings.  Of course the sadness is mitigated by the knowledge that, like South Park, science fiction always leaves the door open for miraculous resurrections.


Looking forward to a long and happy marriage.

Looking forward to a long and happy marriage.


AN UNEXPECTED PASSING


The worst of all possible circumstances.  If the show continues, production will honor to their late cast member with a respectful send-off and tribute.


BEHIND-THE-SCENES DRAMA


Personality conflicts, unprofessional behavior, poor performance, a bad attitude – just some of the things that can book someone a one-way ticket on the character death express.


Everybody dies because - well - everybody dies.

Everybody dies because – well – everybody dies.


THE END IS NEAR!


Here, the writers are operating under the assumption that the show is ending and so, decide to go out with a bang.  And there’s no bang bigger than a character death. Or two.  Or more.  Hello, Blake’s 7.  The belief that the seventh season would be SG-1′s last made the decision to kill off Janet Fraiser somewhat easier.  If we had known we’d actually be coming back for another season, I’m not so sure things would have played out quite the same way.


1


A DESIRE TO SHAKE THINGS UP


Ratings are floundering.  The show’s creative is in a funk.  Quick!  Do something! Historically, television producers have generally responded in one of two ways: a) They add a cute kid to cast, or b) They kill off an established character.  Given the choice, I’d go with the latter.


So, with a better understanding of the mechanics of death in scripted television, we can now appreciate the mortality of every t.v. character, from series lead to red-shirted day player.


Could they actually kill off Daryl on tomorrow night’s episode of The Walking Dead?


Absolutely.


Will they?


Not a chance.


Further reading:


29 Most Shocking TV Deaths – Entertainment Weekly


Most Devastating Character Deaths In TV History | Complex


The Most Shocking Deaths In Modern Television Drama History


Tagged: Brian Griffin, character deaths, Daryl Dixon, Executive Producer Robert Cooper, Janet Fraiser, Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, Norman Reedus, Stargate, t.v. character deaths, t.v. death, television character deaths, The Walking Dead
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Published on November 30, 2013 20:34

November 29, 2013

November 29, 2013: Well, THIS is annoying…

Radioactive Japanese wave nears USA…


“The nuclear reactor continues to leak radioactive water due to poor management, while Japanese subcontractors at the plant have admitted they intentionally under-reported radiation and that dozens of farms around Fukushima that were initially deemed safe by the government actually had unsafe levels of radioactive caesium”.  Oh, and also: “the Japanese government is covering up the scale of the problem.”


Yep.  Those waves should be hitting us sometime around 2014, so enjoy that seafood while you can.  No, wait.  Everything’s going to be okay:  “There should be no concern among Americans, of any age or location,” Gilbert Ross, executive director of the American Council on Science and Health, told FoxNews.com.“If you want to list health concerns that Americans should worry about, start with the real killers — drunk driving and smoking.”


REPORT: Man Throws Away Hard Drive With 7,500 Bitcoins, Now Worth Over $7.5 Million…


“He says he likely threw out the hard drive sometime over the summer, and only recently remembered what was on it.”


Oh, yeah.  Now I remember what was on that hard drive.  My 1998 income tax return.  And $7.5 million dollars!!!


Makes you wonder if YOU have any hidden treasure lying around the house.  Quick!  Go get that old soup ladle appraised!


Watch 11 Explosive Deep-Fried Turkey Disaster Videos


Better late than never I suppose.  Please, kids – but more likely, grown-ups – don’t try this at home.


Damn, and I thought traffic today was annoying: HOLIDAY SPIRIT: SHOOTINGS, STABBINGS, BRAWLS 


A reporter reprimands an Indian actress for speaking up for women’s rights and thereby embarrassing India: Watch This Indian Actress Shut Down A Reporter For Telling Her To Keep Quiet About Women’s Rights  Presumably because if she hadn’t said anything, no one would have noticed.


File this one under “She’ll just bring everybody down”: Canadian woman denied entry into the U.S. due to depression. Not certain if she was depressed going to the States or depressed from having to deal with U.S. customs officials


For 20 Years the Nuclear Launch Code at US Minuteman Silos Was 00000000  Well, I suppose it’s better than “LAUNCH CODE”.


What is the worst episode of your favorite TV show?  We got a shout-out for Emancipation!  High-five!


 


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Published on November 29, 2013 19:58

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