Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 437
December 17, 2013
December 17, 2013: Snow Monkeys win! Possibly! Top 5 Bitterest Losses of All Time!
Hmmm. Well that was a little too close for comfort. My Snow Monkeys won their semi-final fantasy football playoff match-up by a score of 109.30 to 109.10. Yes, that’s right. They won by a whopping 0.2 points. Rather than celebrate, however, I’ll be on the edge of my seat until Thursday morning when the NFL releases their final stats corrections for this past weekend. Every week yields about two dozen slight “in retrospect” adjustments, a yard gained here, another lost there, that could make the difference between playing Petunia Power for the championship or drowning my sorrows in bourbon-spiked eggnog.
It certainly would be a bitter defeat that would find its way into my Bitterest Losses of All Time, a list that goes something like this…
5. LAWREN 106.20 SNOW MONKEYS 83.76 [2013 FANTASY FOOTBALL WEEK 12]
It’s the second to last week of the 2013 fantasy football season in my Stargate Fantasy Football League. I need to win my final two games to have any shot at making the playoffs. Fearing the fearsome Chiefs defence in Kansas City, I bench my starting quarterback, Philip Rivers, in favor of the Houston Texan’s Case Keenum, a hot start according to the so-called experts. The result? Keenum puts up a paltry 4.96 points. As for Philip Rivers, he has the game of the season, racking up 28.78 fantasy points – which would have been more than enough for me to win the week. What makes this loss particularly disappointment in hindsight is that I ended up winning the next game handily and would have secured the sixth and final playoff spot.
4. BOSTON CELTICS 108 DETROIT PISTONS 107 [1987 EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS, GAME 5]
The young Detroit Pistons have victory within their grasp. With seconds to go, all Isaiah Thomas has to do is inbound the ball, perhaps force the foul, and take a strangle-hold on the series. For some reason, Thomas telegraphs the inbound pass to centre Bill Laimbeer in the low past. Larry Bird cuts in front and, with one second remaining, scores the easy lay-up for the win.
3. ANY ROAD TEAM PLAYING IN THE NBA
In every other sport, the “home team advantage” usually refers to the intangible edge the home team receives from playing in front of their home fans. In professional basketball, however, it refers to the very tangible edge the home team receives from the home town refs. The slanted calls are so outrageous that they made me give up on the NBA years ago and still make me wonder why supposed fans of the game put up with it. I can only assume that it is simply an accepted part of the game’s ingrained culture, like fighting in hockey and tartan pants in golf.
2. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 16 OAKLAND RAIDERS 13 [2002 AFC DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS]
When is a fumble not a fumble? Why, when it’s league-darling Tom Brady dropping the ball. January 19, 2002. The AFC divisional playoffs. Late in the game, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is sacked by the Raiders and drops the football. It’s recovered by the Raiders who hold off the late Pats rally to win the game! No, wait. Officials reviewed the play and reversed the call on the field, declaring it a non-fumble because, in their estimation, Brady’s arm was moving forward. Thus, the call on the field was “incomplete pass”. Never mind that he was clearly not attempting a pass and that the sketchy “on second thought” reversal didn’t meet the requirements of “incontrovertible visual evidence” necessary to overturn a call. The Raiders went on to lose the game and the “tuck rule”, as it was called, spent another ten gloriously crappy years in the books before finally being abolished in 2013 by a vote of 29-1.
1. I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE SCORE
In the final week of the 2012 fantasy football season, my high-flying Snow Monkeys were in tough. Even though my Monkeys were the second highest-scoring team in the league, they were also the #1 scored against. As a result, I desperately needed a win in the final week in order to secure a playoff berth. Things look great heading into the Monday night match-up. All I needed was a a couple of points from Green Bay receiver James Jones, and I’d be headed to the post-season. Things looked good. After all, I was relying on Aaron Rodgers and the high-powered Packers offense. Looking good, right? Wrong. James Jones ended up putting up a grand total of 0 points. Yes, that’s right. 0. He did absolutely nothing, not even dropping a pass. Aaron Rodgers didn’t look his way once – and my Snow Monkeys were done. I will forever hold a grudge against Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.
And you, sports fans? What makes your list for The Bitterest Loss of All Time?
Tagged: Bitterest Lost of All Time, sports


December 16, 2013
December 16, 2013: Recommended comic book reads!
THE SUPERIOR FOES OF SPIDER-MAN
Writer Nick Spencer is at the top of his game here, exploring the private and professional lives of a group of B-team villains, The Sinister Six – who are actually made up of FIVE members hard-luck members. They’re sneaky, opportunistic, and completely disloyal, but you can’t help but love ‘em.
Established notions of the fantasy genre are upended in this wild and whimsical series about “a pack of booze-guzzling, death-dealing maidens-for-hire”. Equal parts dark fantasy and dark humor combine for an epic tale of magic, adventure and, above all, friendship.
In a near future of advanced technology quite literally on the heels of a robot revolution, mild-mannered Alex Wahl is sent an unexpected birthday present from his grandmother: a Tanaka X5 android. Bewildered and little creeped out, he decides to return the gift to the manufacturer, but there’s an earnestness and beauty to the android he names Ada that gives him pause. The Luna Brothers have a knack for cracking dialogue and wonderful character-driven stories (see Ultra), and this title – written by Jonathan Luna and Sara Vaughn - holds the promise of comparable greatness.
To be honest, I’ve never been a big fan of Thor. I’ve always found him – well, kind of dull. But in the hands of Jason Aaron, the God of Thunder is transformed into a rich, engaging, humorous character. The latest story arc, The Accursed, is epic high fantasy with a Game of Thrones vibe but a spirt and style all its own.
A continuing tie-in to the major “Forever Evil” story arc running through the DC titles. Alternate/Evil versions of the Justice League from a parallel Earth have orchestrated a take down of this planet’s heroes and triggered a super villainous uprising. While there are big battles and action aplenty, for my part I’m enjoying the smaller, character-centered stories that shed light on the behind-the-scenes machinations of Earth’s new criminal power brokers. Double-crosses, shifting alliances, and hidden agendas – writer Geoff Johns does a masterful job of building suspense and doling out the unexpected twists and turns. Like a comic book version of a serialized cable series.
Check them out if you get the chance, then report back!
Snow Monkeys update: Down 12 points with three quarters of football still to play!
Today’s entry is dedicated to long-time Stargate fan Jill Bratcher, AKA majorsamfansg1. All the best for a speedy recovery and return home, Jill!
Tagged: Alex + Ada, Comic Books, Comics, Justice League, Rat Queens, The Superior Foes of Spider-Man, Thor: God of Thunder


December 15, 2013
December 15, 2013: Snow Monkeys on the cusp!

Whuuuuuuuuut??
It’s that time of year! Yes, time for the Fantasy Football playoffs. On the back of a fearsome running game, my Snow Monkeys took the second seed in my league, winning themselves a much-needed (last) weekend off with a first-round bye. Today, they were back at it, meeting As Luck Would Have It in semi-final action. My opponent managed 109.10 points, in most part thanks to Jamaal Charles’ annoying 51.50 outburst. With five of my players still to hit the field, including QB Matt Stafford this Monday night, I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about the 42 points I need to snag the victory. I need BIG games from Antonio Brown and Giovanni Bernard tonight. Wish my Snow Monkeys luck!
In other fantasy football playoff action, Ivon Bartok’s team, The Running Dead, fresh off a wild-card weekend beatdown of Robert C. Cooper’s Landsharks, won again in impressive fashion, destroying Lawren Bancroft-Wilson’s (creatively named) team, Lawren.
So, if all goes as it should – and why wouldn’t it? -next week, Ivon’s Running Dead will be playing Orphan Black writer (and former Stargate script coordinator) Alex Levine’s Flemish Giants. While, in my other league, my Snow Monkeys will face off against Tio’s team, Petunia Power.
Condolences to Robert Cooper’s Dallas Cowboys who continue to find new and creative ways to lose.
Yes, it was a full football Sunday. And there’s still the late game to watch. And, once that’s done, the Survivor season finale (Go Tyson!).
So, how were your weekends? What wast the most exciting thing you did? Don’t be shy. Do tell!


December 14, 2013
December 14, 2013: Planning the Fan Campaign! And next year’s Group Holiday!
Okay. Pursuant to yesterday’s blog entry, some careful strategy is required.
I think that, rather than striking out now as everyone – especially those in a position to make the decisions – prepares for the holidays or, in some cases, is already off on holidays, the campaign should hold off in order to maximize its efforts.
Plan and coordinate now, then launch in the second or third week of the New Year when everyone is back at the office – and eager to start green lighting those new projects!
I leave you to pick a target date.
And, speaking of planning, what do you all have planned for the coming holidays? Visiting relatives? Staying close to home? Getting away from it all with a trip to an exotic locale? Bora Bora? Fiji? Vegas?
Given the choice, if you could spent the holidays anywhere in the world EXCEPT home (or the home of a loved one), where would it be?
My Top 5 NOT Home For the Holidays Destinations:
5. Christmas in Hawaii
Well, why the hell not? Sure, there’s nothing like a white Christmas, but after one too many festive deep-freezes in my home town of Montreal, I think I’d appreciate a little change of venue. Maybe less snow and more sand. Less spruce and pine and more palm. Less roasted chestnuts, more poi. And, oh yeah, the beach.
The view from Kowloon of the colorfully lit buildings lining the Central Hong Kong across Victoria Harbor is absolutely stunning. Not quite the rest and relaxation offered by a Hawaiian getaway, but certainly a hell of a lot warmer than an east coast winter, and maybe even more cosmopolitan. If you’re looking to shop away the holidays, this is the place!
Well, of course. Tokyo out Christmases most North American cities with its stunning seasonal displays and spirit. Granted, the Japanese don’t quite celebrate the holiday like some of us do, eschewing family in favor of romantic dinners for two, but it’s hard not to get caught up in the festive mood.
2. Christmas in Savannah
I chose Savannah, Georgia because I’ve been researching the city of late, but I’d happily do Charleston, S.C. as well or any other down home American city that offers a southern take on the holiday complete with pecan pie and bourbon-spiked eggnog.
Well, surprise surprised? Not really. Unlike any of the other places listed, Vegas is only a few hours away, offering fun, sun, and restaurant lineup to rival New York and L.A.
So, let’s all start planning for next year! Where are we all going?
Tagged: Atlantis, science fiction, SF, SF television, SG-1, SGU, Stargate, Stargate comic book, Stargate Extinction, Stargate Universe, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1


December 13, 2013
December 13, 2013: Stargate: Extinction! The comic book?!
StellaByStargate writes: “I’m curious as to who (person or organization) “owns”–for lack of a better word–the scripts for the SGA and SG-1 movies? So many of us would love to see those novelized and made part of the Stargate canon…is there any way we could launch a campaign to make that happen? Who would we have to annoy/pester/wheedle/cajole/blackmail? If any group is up to the task, I’m guessing it’s the Stargate fandom.”
Answer: GREAT question!
The rights to both Stargate movie scripts (Stargate: Extinction and Stargate: Revolution) rest with the studio, MGM. It is up to them if and when Stargate fans will see these stories, in some form or other. Unfortunately, for reasons I’ve gone over here (September 12, 2013: Whither Stargate?) it’s highly unlikely the Atlantis movie will be produced. However, there are other options…
To be honest, I have neither the time nor the patience to sit down and novelize the Atlantis script (Stargate: Extinction). Besides, I think the writers of the Legacy series have done a fine job continuing the adventures in book form.
Having said that, I certainly would make the time to script a four-issue comic book based on Stargate: Extinction if I was approached to do so. I had a great experience working on a previous comic book project, Dark Matter, and believe the comic book format would be a great way to get the story out there. It would be especially convenient for fans who want to check out the story but may not be inclined to invest the time required to read a full novel.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this is actually a fantastic idea. For several reasons. Not only is it the best, most visual, fan-accessible means of experiencing Stargate: Extinction, it also works to MGM’s benefit by revitalizing the fan base in advance of whatever they have planned next for the franchise.
Fan campaigns, while well-intentioned, will never have as meaningful an impact because, at the end of the day, decisions are based on the bottom line. Are the potential viewers still out there and is there money to be made? Well, what better way to find out than by testing the waters with a comic book based on a story Stargate fans have been clamoring for? Yes, it may be easy to ignore a deluge of fan mail in support of a show, but much more difficult to dismiss solid sales figures.
If the studio gave the go-ahead to a Stargate: Extinction comic book, there would be no downside for anyone, only plenty of upside for both MGM and the fans.
Worst case scenario: Stargate: Extinction is released as a comic book but doesn’t sell as well as hoped (highly unlikely). At the very least, the fans finally get to experience the story that brings Atlantis back to the Pegasus Galaxy.
Better case scenario: Stargate: Extinction is released as a comic book and does well. So well, in fact, that further stories are commissioned. What would be next? Well, there are all those episode ideas we were kicking around for Stargate: Atlantis’s sixth season (September 30, 2008: An AU Season 6!). There is also the SG-1 movie, Stargate: Revolution, and the further adventures of SG-1. And, of course, there’s also the possibility of continuing the Stargate: Universe storyline.
Best case scenario: Stargate: Extinction is released as a comic book and surpasses sales expectations, making MGM stand up and take notice that the television franchise, and Atlantis in particular, still has a huge and devoted fan base. And then maybe, just maybe, we succeed where earlier fan campaigns have failed: taking a giant step in convincing MGM to continue the story onscreen.
But, first things first. We have to make the Stargate: Extinction comic book happen.
So, let the studio know. Contact MGM (note: all roads will invariably lead through their legal department, so don’t forget them!) and tell them you want to see a Stargate: Extinction comic book, a comic book based on the unproduced Stargate: Atlantis script.
Get the word out! And tell your fellow fans to get the word out!
Make enough noise, get their attention, and we’ll have our Stargate: Extinction comic. And potentially much more because for the first time in a long while, YOU THE FANS will be able to influence the future of Stargate.

Coming your way?
Tagged: Atlantis, Comics, science fiction comic books, science fiction comics, scifi comics, SG-1 comic, SG-1 comic book, SG-1 Stargate: SG-1, SGA, SGA comic, SGA comic book, SGU, SGU comic, SGU comic book, Stargate, Stargate Atlantis comic, Stargate Atlantis comic book, Stargate comic, Stargate comic book, Stargate Extinction, Stargate SG-1 comic, Stargate SG-1 comic book, Stargate Universe, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: Extinction comic book, Stargate: SG-1, Stargate: Universe comic, Stargate: Universe comic book


December 12, 2013
December 12, 2013: Let’s make a show! Or three!
Thanks for everyone who has weighed in with their “I’m out” moments, those onscreen instances that led you to break up with your favorite show. A lot of great examples, some of them moments that have admittedly given me pause as well.
Oh, and to respond to your comment, Das, my objection to yesterday’s example was NOT the fact that he passed up on a date with a super model to be with his depressed friend but the fact that it was completely out of character for him to do so.
Spent most of today working on a series overview for yet another project, this one with The Idea Man, Robert C. Cooper. It was only a three page document, but I am exhausted. I’ll send it his way tonight, he’ll go over it tomorrow, next week he’ll make the necessary calls, get the overview to the right people, we’ll invariably get a green light on the pilot which we can write over the holidays, deliver the script in January, and be in production before summer of 2014! How’s that for positive thinking? And, in the most unlikely event that this particular project doesn’t pan out, I received word that a decision will be made on another project by the end of January. Imagine if we get the go-ahead for both? Or if the network that has been sitting on that OTHER pilot finally discovers it sitting behind the espresso machine where somebody dropped it eight months ago and THEY give us another green light. Well, that’ll be THREE shows in production! If that’s the case, I’m going to need some help. So, if you get a chance, please nominate yourself for a position on the production listing your hopes, desires, and experience. No, forget experience. I can’t afford to be picky. Show of hands! Who wants to direct?!
No one?
Well, finally, after four years with me, Akemi has finally taken the plunge. Yes, my girlfriend has started to watch a Stargate series. I gave her a choice between SG-1, Atlantis, and Universe and she elected to go with the most recent. Why? Well, apparently – surprisingly – she’s a stickler for visual effects. More to the point, she finds dated visual effects hilarious and, at the same time, unwatchable. So, we decided to go with SGU. The verdict so far? She finds Rush very intriguing and likes Greer. She finds it amusing that the older Colonel is named Young. She’s very impressed with the visual effects, less so the jumping back and forth in time in the opening two-parter. She found that confusing. In fact, she found a lot confusing. I continually had to field questions and clarify throughout. No, that’s the Daedalus. No, now we’re back on the Destiny. Now we’re on a base. No, that’s the Earth base. This is the Icarus Base and it’s on another planet. The stones? Oh, they let you switch bodies when you initialize one stone by touching it and someone with the other set initializes theirs by…ah, forget it!
I’m trying to convince her to do episode reviews.


December 11, 2013
December 11, 2013: I’m out!

Nope. Not buying it.
It happens, even with the best-loved of shows. There reaches a moment in the its run when something happens, something so wrong and downright egregious that it shakes your very faith in the once faultless series and leaves you considering the unthinkable: abandoning ship. Be it the a questionable decision on the part of the protagonist, a poorly written episode, or the death of a favorite Scottish doctor, there comes a time, a moment, when you have to take stock and ask yourself: “Do I really want to continue watching?”. In some cases, the answer is “Yes” and all is (mostly) forgiven. In other instances, the answer is “I’m out!”.
I was thinking about this the other day after watching the last – my last – episode of Hello Ladies, the HBO comedy starring Stephen Merchant as an opportunistic Englishman living in L.A. He is a cad, desperate and incorrigible, who goes to ridiculous lengths to hook up with the ladies, even if it means abandoning his friends or throwing them under the bus. So imagine my surprise in last week’s episode when he finally scores a date with the gorgeous model he has been pursuing, has her invite him out for a midnight skinny-dip, and he…passes on this golden opportunity in order to cheer up a depressed friend. Wait! What?! Never mind the fact that his friend would be as equally depressed the next morning as she would be in the half hour it would take him to reach her. No, he chooses to go – right then and there. And, yes, it demonstrates what a great friend he is, that he’s a softie at heart…but the only problem is it makes absolutely no sense and I don’t buy it for a second. His choice, while admirable, is completely out of character and feels false. It’s manufactured sentimentality. I felt betrayed by a show I thought I knew and trusted and was faced with a decision we must all, at some point, make: Am I in or am I out? In this particular case, I decided, I was out.
I’ve broken up with shows for lesser offenses and stuck with shows whose transgressions have been far more grievous. I suppose it depends on you and the show in question, and the length and depth of your relationship.
So, today, I’d like to hear about your t.v. break-ups. Specifically, I want to hear about those questionable calls, those intolerable episodes, those bewildering moments that made you reconsider your commitment to a show and eventually decide: “I’m out!”


December 10, 2013
December 10, 2013 (Part II): Double authenticated! Dream destinations!
continuing where I just left off…
14. With nothing to lose, I enter one of the continuously changing authentication codes on my cell phone where I am prompted under the “disable double authentication” section. It works!
15. I’m brought back to the beginning and repeat the process until I am, once again, instructed to print the list of back-up codes.
16. I hit the “print” button and nothing happens.
17. I hit print on my laptop. And still nothing happens.
18. I resort to taking a screen grab of the numbers and print up the image.
19. I enter one of the back-up codes when prompted and type “printed” in the space provided.
20. I am informed that I have been “double authenticated”!
21. I proceed to update this blog with a double entry, the second in which I discuss the fact that the majority of my dreams always seem to take place in one of three locations…
I was talking to Akemi about a recent dream I’d had when I realized that an awful lot of my dreams take place in one of three locations. And one of the three is NOT Vancouver where I’ve lived for the past fourteen years. Perhaps most shocking is the dream destination sitting in first place. In ascending order, my dream locations are…
Not all that surprising given my affinity for the city which I visit every year. A little surprising that it beat out Vancouver.
Not all that surprising that my hometown would make the list. It’s where I grew up and another city I visit at least once a year.
And, the #1 location in which most of my dreams take place…
In the number #1 spot? It’s true. For some strange reason, the majority of my dreams take place in Las Vegas!
22. I ask you about your dream locations, unique or otherwise.
23. I post pics of Akemi’s latest artistic creations:

Doggy bento box for their day at doggy daycare.

Chocolate reindeer pop
December 10. 2013: Oh, WordPress!
So, I sat down to write today’s blog entry when I noticed a message to me from WordPress informing me that, in order to make my blog more secure, I needed to subscribe to “two step authentication”. It made sense. If my password was ever compromised, I could retain control of my blog via the unique authentication code on my iPhone.
Yes, it made perfect sense BUT, in the back of my mind, I had a bad feeling about it. Ultimately, however, I decided to go ahead because the process seemed easy enough.
1. I entered my country and cell phone number.
2. I downloaded the Google Authenticator app.
3. I used the Google Authenticator app to scan the special barcode wordpress provided.
4. WordPress prompted me for the authentication code that the app provided. I entered it. So far so good…
5. The app provided me with a list of ten unique back-up codes that I was instructed to print.
6. I hit print.
7. I went to the printer – and was horrified to discover that nothing had actually printed.
8. I rushed back to my account where I was presented with the following:

Right.
9. I consulted the Google Authenticator app on my cell phone and input the code provided. Wordpress informed me it was invalid.
10. I tried another one of the codes provided by the app. Again, wordpress informed me it was invalid.
11. I hit the “Generate Back-up Codes” button to generate a new set of back-up codes. Nothing.
12. Panicked, I tried to disable the two-step authentication and was prompted for a back-up code. I didn’t have.
13. I’m screwed.
So, that’s that. Apparently, the next time my computer resets, I will no longer be able to log in with my password alone. An authentication code will be required. An authentication code, I feel the need to point out, that I don’t have and I have no way of recovering.
All this to say that if I mysteriously stop blogging, don’t fear the worst. It’s more than likely that wordpress’s new and improved security system has locked me out of my own account.
Tagged: authentication code, google authenticator, two step authentication, wordpress, wordpress.com


December 9, 2013
December 9, 2013: A cultural thing?
“Ivon! I have pot!”yelled Akemi from the front porch, thus ensuring that now, all of our neighbors assume we are drug dealers. Never mind that the “pot” in question was the cooking pot Ivon had left behind last weekend and was about to forget yet again.
“Should I have said “a pot”?”asked Akemi.
No, actually, “Ivon! I have your pot!” or “Ivon! Don’t forget your pot!” would have been correct – and just as likely to lead anyone within earshot to assume Akemi was reminding Ivon about his marijuana.
So, correct, yes, but misleading. English is funny that way. To me anyway. To Akemi, who is constantly confused by its complex, ever-shifting rules – not so much. Not only does she have to learn HOW to say something, but she also has to learn WHEN to say it.
And, sometimes, she says something that makes sense dramatically AND contextually yet is still…unique. Like this little gem when she realized she had headed out unprepared for the sunny day:
“I forgot my sunglasses. It’s okay. I have charming eyes.”
Charming eyes?
I think it’s a cultural thing. Like when she proudly told me that her university had received a very prestigious award. And what, you may ask, did the school earn an award for? Its celebrated faculty? Its world class economics program? Its accomplishments in research and development? Even better. According to Akemi, her university won the award for Best Cafeteria. And, when I stared blankly back at her, she informed me, in all seriousness: “It’s a very good cafeteria.”
No doubt.
So, yes, it could be a cultural thing. Or sheer kookiness.
Mailbag:
dasndanger writes: “You really don’t read my posts, do you? […] right after I went on my little best theme rant, I added this: (And yes, I know you asked for our favorites, and not ‘The Best’, but I’m feeling a bit frisky this morn and wanted to pick a fight. )So, had you fully read my comment it just goes to reason that you would either 1. pick apart one of my selections, or 2. get all defensive and tell me why The Sopranos theme ranked #1 on your list. But you didn’t! Instead, you just said what I had already acknowledged!!”
Answer: I actually do read all the comments before approving. Even yours! You said you wanted to pick a fight – which would suggest you wanted me to respond – but the only possible response I could offer is the one I gave you. I couldn’t pick apart your selections because, as you pointed out, the list is based on personal preferences. And, for the record, the addition to your post should have read: “And yes, I know you listed your favourites and not “The Best” as opposed to what you wrote: “And yes, I know you asked for our favourites and not “The Best”" which is confusing and really applies to your list and not mine even though, technically, I never asked for your favorites. Thus, I felt the need to clarify.


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