Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 276

April 21, 2018: There’s No Business Like Show Business! Unless You’re Somehow Involved In An Asylum’s Black Market Fried Wraps Operation!

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Honestly, growing up, I never aspired to be in show business.  From a very early age, my ambitions were relatively simple.  I wanted to tell stories or investigate crimes or explore outerspace.  Author, Detective, Astronaut – those were my top three choices.  I didn’t even consider scriptwriting until a friend suggested I give it a go after reading the thoroughly middling first draft of the novel I wrote back in college.  Taking his advice, I picked up Syd Field’s Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting and learned everything I needed to know, then got to work, magically transforming that mediocre first novel into an equally mediocre first script.  But it was a start.

Over the course of my twenty-three years in the entertainment field, I’ve written over 120 hours of produced television (not including uncredited rewrites), produced over 400 hours, scripted animation, teen sitcoms, action-adventure, drama, science fiction, and comic books – and amassed innumerable anecdotes, from the hilarious to the disheartening to the mind-blogglingly preposterous.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I’m going to regale you with some of the more memorable (aka = outrageous) tales of my time in trenches.  Wherever necessary, names will be changed or withheld to protect the childish, the cretinous, and the egregiously egotistical.

#Ghosting

#PigeonProducer

#IsThisEarthsMoon

April 20, 2018: A Visit to Japan via Kit Kats!

 

April 19, 2018: Akemi’s Birthday Festivities!

Yesterday, I redirected my thoughts off all this recent unpleasantness to focus on my birthday gal.

We kicked things off with an early morning surprise – a present, lovingly wrapped in cardboard and tape, compliment so the fine folks at Amazon.  For Akemi = the two bottles of Thann wood essential oils that actually smell more like orange, but what do I know.

(Trivia: This was on her Christmas list but I failed to get them for her, so I got her two for her birthday to make up for the oversight!)

Then, we hit the gym where Akemi ran through her usual low intensity workout while I multi-tasked: running, watching sports highlights, and learning Japanese.

(Trivia: A three minute jog is enough to completely Akemi and have her complaining about sore legs for days!)

Then, it was time for our morning walk –

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(Trivia: If Suji doesn’t have her boots on by 10:30 a.m. at the latest, she will cry until we eventually give in and take her out).

For lunch, we hit Momofuku for bao’s and crack pie –

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(Trivia: Former Stargate EP Robert Cooper makes a fantastic home made version!)

From there, we headed to the Shangri-la hotel spa for our one hour couple’s massage and 15 minute head treatment:

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(Trivia:

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We headed back home to feed the dogs, and then it was time to dress up and head out once again –

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(Trivia: Back in Vancouver, Akemi vowed to throw out her favorite boots after Bubba peed on them.  But now that Bubba’s gone, those boots are a fond – and cleaned – remembrance of him.)

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We hit our favorite Toronto sushi spot: Yasu Sushi-Bar

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Oshikatta!

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(Trivia: Every sushi meal ends with the egg omelet, tamago.  Akemi is a big fan of the edges they usually trim away.  When they ask us if we’d like anything else, I’ll usually order a couple of extra pieces of uni for me, and those discarded edges for Akemi.  They’re called hashiko in Japanese.  Thus, when we go out for sushi, I refer to her as Hashiko-chan).

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On our way home, we pass by a new dessert place and decide to drop in and check it out.

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We order the ube soft serve that tastes like pandan and coconut, but is delicious nevertheless.

(Trivia: Akemi is so obsessed with Hong Kong waffle cones that she actually wants to visit Hong Kong so that she can sample the originals).

Otanjobi omedetto gozaimasu yo!

April 18, 2018: Best Comic Book Covers of the Week! And all those Action Comics #1000 variants!

My favorites…

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The Amazing Spider-Man #799 (cover art by Alex Ross)

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Black Hammer: Age of Doom #1 (cover art by Dean Ormston)

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Dark Age vol. 1 (cover art by Juan Doe)

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Mister Miracle #8 (cover art by Nick Derington)

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Prison Ship (cover art by Estebean Maroto)

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Red Dog (cover art by W. Scott Forbes)

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Superman #45 (cover art by Stephen Downer, Patrick Gleason)

And check out the awesome variety of covers to commemorate Action Comics #10000 –

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Cover art by Jim Lee, Alex Sinclair, Scott Williams

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1930’s variant by Steve Rude

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1940’s variant by Michael Cho

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1950’s variant by Dave Gibbons

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1960’s variant by Michael Allred

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1970’s variant by Jim Steranko

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1980’s variant by Josh Middleton

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1990’s variant by Dan Jurgens, Kevin Nowlan

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2000’s variant by Lee Bermejo

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Blank variant

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Uncanny Comic Shop variant by Tony S. Daniel

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Kings Comics variant by Nicola Scott

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Forbidden Planet variant by Jock

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Yesteryear Comics variant by Jason Fabok

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Third Eye Comics variant by Kaare Andrews

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Summit Comics variant by George Perez

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Bulletproof Comix variant by Gabriele Dell’Otto

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Newbury Comics variant by Patrick Gleason

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BuyMeToys.com variant by ArtGerm

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Unknown Comic Books variant by Tyler Kirkham

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7 ate 9 Comics, Frankies Comics, Sad Lemon Comics, The Comic Mint, Amorpheous Ink & Golden Apple Comics variant by Francesco Mattina

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Midtown Comics variant by Oliver Copiel

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Dynamic Forces variant by Dan Jurgens

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7 Ate 9 Comics variant by Felipe Massafera

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Vault Collectibles variant by Dave Dorman

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Dynamic Forces variant by Curt Swan

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Dynamic Forces variant by Ken Haeser

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Fried Pie Comics variant by Doug Mahnke

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Torpedo Comics variant by Jim Lee

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Legends Comics and Games Fresno variant by Neal Adams

April 17, 2018: Sampling Japanese Snacks!

April 16, 2018: My Top (and Bottom) 5 Old-Fashioned Desserts!

A couple of years ago, Chatelaine magazine offered up a recipe collection titled 25 of our favorite old-fashioned desserts.  Ever late to the party, I just came across the article and, while scrolling through the various pics and recipes, thought it might be fun to put together a list of my top 10.  Only problem – I was really hard-pressed to come up with five favorites from the list of candidates, much less ten!  I considered switching to a list of my bottom 10 but, again, was stymied.  There are A LOT of really middling old-fashioned desserts.

Anyway, after several reviews, I was finally able to come up with five candidates on both sides of the scale.  The many not making the list include the mediocre likes of lemon loaf, oatmeal-raisin cookies, and rice pudding.

My Bottom Five Old-Fashioned Desserts

#5. Date Squares

You won’t believe the number of times I’ve glimpsed these at various farmer’s markets and, overcome with excitement, stepped up to purchase what I assumed were blondies or pecan squares only to discover the horrifying truth.  They’re the brownie’s less popular con artist cousin.

#4. Sponge Cake

This aptly named creation sucks the joy out of eating dessert.

#3. Ginger Cookies

A dessert only someone’s aunt could love.

#2. Angel Food Cake

A disaster of texture and taste, I’d be more inclined to use it as insulation.

#1. Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie

Oh, don’t get me started on ice cream-less pies – but the inclusion of rhubarb here (a.k.a. the devil’s stalk) is particularly reprehensible.  THIS is the type of dessert you can expect to be served in a  prison cafeteria.

My Top Five Old-Fashioned Desserts

#5. Pound Cake

It makes the list by virtue of the fact that I needed to round out this list and I had to choose from a fiercely average bunch of contenders.  It also gets the nod for its unapologetic density and audaciously defiant moniker.

#4. Coconut Cake

One of the few fruit-based post-dinner creations that make for good dessert.  The other being…

#3. Banana Cream Pie

One of the few fruit pies that doesn’t require an ice cream accompaniment.

Doesn’t hurt though.

#2. Chocolate Cake

A classic that may vary in consistency but remains a perennial favorite like the Dallas Cowboys, skull rings, and aviator jackets.

#1. Pecan Pie

My Death Row Dessert.  Or, barring a capital punishment sentence, one I’d happily special order from blog regular Jeff Wilson.  His southern version is killer.

I leave you today with a picture of the best of both worlds, old meets new, in this “piecaken” dessert Akemi and I made to accompany the turducken we roasted for a Super Bowl party a few years back…

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A pecan pie baked inside a giant brownie.

And, yes, there was ice cream.

April 15, 2018: Suji Sunday!

I’ll spare you the rant and leave you, instead, with some videos of Suji in action –

Her imitation of a french bulldog.

Has never met a camera she hasn’t liked.

A determined eater (P.S. Lulu already got her piece).

April 13, 2018: When one door closes…

…another opportunity for escape is thwarted and the chances of you ever leaving that locked room decreases in likelihood.

Or something like that.

Well, Friday the 13th is certainly living up to its moniker.  This morning, I was expecting news on a certain project.  I was enthusiastic about the possibility of good news, but I was prepared for the worst case scenario.  Unfortunately, as it turned out, the news was even worse than the worst case scenario I’d envisioned. Clearly, a failure of imagination on my part and, I suppose, somewhat telling…and ironic given the circumstances.

If I were to put this in marble race terminology (see this post for backstory, and this one) I’d say Glassy relinquished the lead and got caught up on that outside line, taking him out of contention.

I honestly had high hopes for Glassy.

Well, I’m bummed.  Also, my shoulder is killing me.  I remember a masseuse matter-of-factly informing me, thirteen years ago when I was visiting Hong Kong, that my left shoulder was screwed and that even though I wasn’t experiencing issues then, I certain would later in life.  Later, it turns out, is now.  A recurring twinge that runs from the back of my left shoulder to my left elbow has proven the 13 year old prophecy true!  Next week, I’m off to see a physio-therapist.  What’s next?  Acupuncture?  Reiki?  Cupping (I believe that’s the one where the therapist spoons you for comfort.).  At this point, I’m willing to try anything.

On the bright side there is no bright side so I don’t have to expend as much time and effort on completing this sentence.  That’s as good as it gets.

 

April 12, 2018: Scrap those long-term plans!

Well, I guess that’s it.  It was nice knowing everyone.  Cram as much fun as you can into your final eleven or so days on Earth because, apparently, April 23rd is A- Day.  A, of course, for Armageddon.  This according to (at least one) esteemed(?) numerologist:

“…the so-called Planet X, which is also known as Nibiru, will appear above the sky on the April date, causing volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and earthquakes.”

There you have it.  Eruptions, earthquakes, and stealth planetary reveals.  Of course, in a transparent attempt to forestall worldwide panic, NASA is trying to debunk the theory:

“No, there’s no such thing as a planet called Nibiru. No, it’s not a brown dwarf surrounded by planets, as iterations of the claim suggest. No, it’s not on a collision course toward Earth. And yes, people should ‘get over it.”

Hmmm.  Methinks the NASA senior space scientist doth protest too much.

So who and what to believe?  On the one hand, you’ve got the numerologists lead by expert “Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade”.  On the other, you’ve got a bunch of scientists.  Both make some very compelling cases.  I mean, yes, various cranks and nut jobs have been predicting the end of the world as far back as the 1st century and as recently as last November, but the way I see it (and as any desperate gambler worth his salt will tell you), their streak of some one hundred incorrect prophecies just means they’re due.

Sure, you can simply dismiss the warnings and continue your life, business as usual, but how are you going to feel eleven days from now when death planet Nibiru appears and starts raining destruction down on our heads and you realize you’ve wasted the last week of your life working your ass off to complete a work-related deadline or strictly following one of those low-carb diets?  After the initial horror subsides, you’ll figure you’ll make your final day on Earth a cheat day and rush over to Safeway for a pint of Haagen-Dazs, but guess what?   Everyone has already come to the exact same conclusion and, by the time you get there, they’ll have nothing left but Breyers Carb-Smart Vanilla and Choco Tacos.

Well not me.  Starting today, I’ve cancelled meetings, scrubbed deadlines, and cast aside my work, work-outs, and healthy eating.   I’m stocking up on burgers, barbecue, and Magnum almond bars, and queuing up undignified horror movies (not the hoity toity elevated kind John Krasinski enjoys) on Netflix.

Come April 23rd, I’ll be the one having the last laugh.

Until, of course, we all expire shrieking in unison.

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April 11, 2018: Best Comic Book Covers of the Week!

My favorites…

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Captain America #700 (cover art by Chris Samnee)

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Crude #1 (cover art by Garry Brown)

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Despicable Deadpool #298 (cover art by Mike Hawthorne)

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Domino #1 (cover art by Greg Land)

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Falcon #7 (cover art by Jay Anacieto)

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Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps (cover art by Tomeu Morey, Rafa Sandavol, Jordi Tarragona)

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James Bond: Casino Royale (cover art by Dennis Calero)

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The Archies #6 (cover art by Greg Smallwood)

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The Beauty #21 (cover art by Nick Filardi, Jeremy Haun, David McCaig)

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The Dead Hand #1 (cover art by Jordie Bellaire, Stephen Mooney)

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The October Faction: Supernatural Dreams #2 (cover art by Damien Worm)

What did you like?