Joseph Mallozzi's Blog, page 466

April 8, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Super Capers!

If nothing else, Super Capers prove dat absolutely anyone can make a movie.  You not need to have a good idea or a good skript or good direktor or good aktors.  Just two million dollars and you too can take creative equivalent of a big, cheesy dump onscreen.

Some movies me have reviewed left monster happy.  Others left monster sad.  Still others left monster angry.  Dis be de first time a movie leave monster feeling embarrassed – for everyone involved with dis sorrowful excuse for a film.  And sad for anyone who watched it, espeshully me.   Also for everyone reading dis review.  Seriously.  You can be doing someting much more constructive wit your time, like sleeping or starting a drug habit.

Monster honestly thought it not possible to get any worse den Shark Boy and Lava Girl, but dat before me watched dis movie.  If SB&LG be bottom of de barrel, dis move be de big pile of crap de barrel sitting on top of.

Team Craptastic

Plot involve some superhero wit no real super powers who get sued by burglar he roughed up.  He get sentenced to halfway house where other lame superheroes-in-training reside.  Hilarity NOT ensue. Instead, we treated to leftover gags not funny enough for unfunny Superhero Movie, accompanied by cartoon sound effects and music cues dat be dere to remind audience dat Super Capers is supposed to be funny.  Oh, and some time travel.

Verdikt: Terruble on every possible level.  Monster can’t say for certain, but me pretty sure even de catering sucked.

Rating: 0 chocolate chippee cookies and potential bitter deathbed realization dis be 98 minutes of monster’s life me wish me could have back.

Tagged: Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Super Capers, Super Capers, superhero movies, SuperMovie of the Week Club

April 7, 2013: Foodly Matters! And a Supermovie of the Week Club reminder!

The other night, Akemi and I checked out one of the buzziest Taiwanese restaurants in Vancouver, the well-reviewed, foodie favorite: Kalvin’s Szechuan Restaurant.  Akemi has a couple of Taiwanese friends who swear by the place and so, more than a little intrigued, we headed out to Victoria Street to see (and taste) for ourselves.

The restaurant is notoriously busy.  Reservations are recommended. And arriving promptly for your reservations is also strongly advised. Not wishing to take any chances, we booked a table for 5:30 p.m. and arrived early – only to realize it doesn’t open until 5:30 p.m.  And so, after a stroll through the neighborhood, we were at the door – then at our table – on time for our reservations.

It didn’t get busy until 6:00 p.m. or so at which point the tiny room was packed, mostly with – from what I could tell – regulars.  Prior to that, however, we had the place – and the staff – more or less to ourselves.  The service was attentive, friendly, and downright warm. We placed our orders and our dishes arrived sooner after, all bold, wonderfully balanced flavors.  Some of the highlights included…

Spicy pig’s ear.

Not for everyone but I love the texture – crunchy and chewy – and Kalvin’s version is, by far, the best I’ve ever had.  We were asked to specify a spice level and we elected to go medium, which packed a nice little kick.  Next time, I think I might hazard the hot.

Diced chicken and peanuts with chili peppers

The restaurant offers many traditional Taiwanese dishes but, as the name implies, some Szechuan fare as well – like the above dish, Akemi’s favorite.  A robust and, yes, fiery dish.  Despite their size, the chicken morsels are moist and tender, a step above the tougher, drier versions I’ve had elsewhere.

Shredded pork with garlic and chili sauce

This one came highly recommended on a couple of the foodie blogs and I wasn’t disappointed.  Also spicy but possessed of an aromatic spice I couldn’t quite place that simply wowed.

We rounded things out with a hearty, slightly sweet corn soup, 5-spice beef rolls, and a spring roll.  Throughout our meal, Chef and Owner Kalvin himself popped out of the kitchen – when it wasn’t too busy – to see how we were enjoying what we’d ordered.  And then, as more customers filed in, he broke off to greet them – most by name.  I felt like I was in the Cheers of Taiwanese restaurants.

According to Kalvin, his restaurant will celebrate 30 years in business this year.  30 years!  Given my first-time experience – and the obvious loyalty of his cliente – I’m not at all surprised.

Chef Kalvin and (I believe) his wife.

Kalvin’s Szechuan Restaurant (604-321-2888)

Open for lunch and dinner daily (except Wednesdays)

5225 Victoria Dr

Vancouver

Then, on Saturday, Akemi and I paid a return visit to the Bakers Market.  This time, Bubba stayed home so Akemi was free to take her time and roam the aisles.  Like last weekend, we loaded up on a variety of treats -

First stop was Mamaz Sweetz N’ Treatz where I picked up -

Red velvet white chocolate chip cookies.  Surprisingly, this was the first time I’d had red velvet in cookie form.  A winner.

Last week, I picked up chocolate biscotti from home baker Giada Vacca’s Treats and Blossoms.  On this visit, these caught my eye -

Amaretti – crunchy AND chewy, a tough balance to pull off.

A return visit to my friend at Life’s Lemons…

Last weekend, I was their first sale ever.  This weekend, they apparently sold out.  I’m clearly a trendsetter.

This time out, it was the Apple Pie shortbread cookies that tasted…yes, amazingly like apple pie!

[in the oven] offers assorted caramels and a killer salted caramel sauce.

The owner recognized me from last weekend and asked how I enjoyed the caramel sauce.  I admitted that I hadn’t tried it yet because I’d run out of ice cream.  ”You can eat it right out of the jar,”she assured me. “I won’t judge you.”  Well, I forgot to pick up ice cream on the way back home so I did end up trying it right of out of the jar after all.  And it was unbelievable.

Don’t judge me!

The gals from Sweet Talk, bakers of my surprise favorite on last weekend’s visit: the lemon poppyseed cake.  And, this weekend, I discovered they bake a pretty mean chocolate salted caramel tart.

And a return visit to Sweet Lily, this time for -

Chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and lime cornmeal cookies.

Maple bourbon pecan brioche.

The ladies of (my favorite cupcakes) Vivi’s cupcakes, sweets and treats

Chocolate cupcake, red velvet cupcake, and cheesecake brownie.

The plan was to just sample a bit (so we could try a bit of everything) and have the rest after dinner.  Well, that WAS the plan.

Baker’s Market – Bakers Market – The Sweetest Event in Vancouver

Treats and Blossoms | Facebook

Life’s Lemons- sweet treats baking co. – Vancouver, BC – Community …

[in the oven]

http://wangamylee.wix.com/sweettalk

Sweet Lily Bakery – Vancouver, BC – Food & Grocery | Facebook

Vivi’s cupcakes, sweets & treats – Vancouver, BC … – Facebook

Finally, what sweet Saturday would be complete without a visit to Vancouver’s premiere chocolate shop: Beta 5.  Their selection changes monthly and, this weekend, they kicked off their April Union Pack with an outdoor theme: “On the Forest Floor”.  Among the offerings are “deer droppings” (a mix of 63% dark chocolate covered raisins, and 39% milk chocolate covered peanuts), melt-in-your-mouth “candy cap caramels” (earthy, sweet Candy Cap mushrooms captured in a buttery, caramel bite with a flavor reminiscent of maple syrup)…

French Toast Toadstools: house made brioche soaked in a ganache of “blonde” chocolate maple syrup, cinnamon and rum, then paired with a dollop of spiced apple butter.  Unbelievable.

Chocolate twigs: 45% milk chocolate and 63%, 72% and 85% dark chocolate sticks dusted with cocoa powder and presented on a bed of matcha white chocolate.  Akemi’s favorite!

Bark: olive oil and salt roasted Marcona almond, blended with 50% milk chocolate from Madagascar, and finished with a touch of flaked sea salt.  Nearly impossible to stop eating once you start.

They ship!  http://beta-5.com/

Our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes tomorrow with guest film reviewer, Cookie Monster, weighing in on his latest superhero-themed screening: Super Capers.  If you haven’t already seen it in preparation for tomorrow’s discussion – spoiler alert! – it’s beyond awful.  Don’t bother.  But do stop in to check out monster’s thoughts on what could arguable be the worst superhero movie yet.

For Cookie’s previous supermovie reviews (as well as his opinion on Snakes on a Plane and There Will Be Blood), head on over here: http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com/ 

Tagged: Bakers Market, Beta 5, Chocolate, Desserts, food, Kalvin's Szechuan Restaurant, Life's Lemons, Mamaz Sweet N' Treatz, superhero movies, SuperMovie of the Week Club, Sweet Lily, Sweet Talk, sweets, sweets & treats, Taiwanese cuisine, Taiwanese food, Treats and Blossoms, Vancouver bakers market, Vancouver Restaurants, Vivi's cupcakes, [in the oven]

April 6, 2013: Design your own Destiny! Let the Resurgence Art Department package be your guide!

In advance of my official Days of Stargate Universe Past trip down memory, how about a little something to whet your appetite?  Ah, this takes me back!  The Resurgence Art Department package accompanied by visuals from various points in Stargate: Universe’s two-year run…

Destiny corridors, areas & rooms

Destiny corridors

The Gate Room…

Gate room – upper level concept art

Gate room upper level – complete

Looking out from the gate – concept art

Looking out from the gate – completed set

Central staircase

Gate room

Gate room consoles

The control interface room…

Art Department concept

At work in the core control room

The apple core…

Carl figures it out

Kino room and Eli’s quarters

Action in the kino room

Observation deck

The green screen view off the observation deck

Chloe’s quarters

Wray’s quarters

Wray’s artwork

Varro’s quarters

In his quarters, Varro gets the red card for making the moves on Colonel Young’s ex:

Young’s quarters

Stage 5 level 1

The Destiny mess – last day, final scene

Destiny shuttle and corridor

Under construction

Coming along…

Look in to the shuttle from the corridor.

Destiny infirmary

Stage 5 level 2

Stage 6 layout

So, there you go.  Everything you need (minus the construction material, equipment, manpower, and money) to build your very own Destiny!  Check in next week and let me know how it’s coming along.

Tagged: Resurgence, science fiction, Science Fiction Television, scifi television, SF television, SGU, Stargate, Stargate Universe

April 5, 2013: Nebula Awards Showcase 2013!

I know a guy who knows a gal who knows someone (another guy? another gal?  a super-intelligent chimp?) who knows a gal who got me an advance copy of…

Nebula Awards Showcase 2013 edited by Catherine Asaro

The book includes Nebula winners in the categories of Best Short Story, Best Novelette, Best Novella, Best Novel, the winner of the Andre Norton Award for YA Science Fiction and Fantasy, various nominees and other goodies.  Like any collection of this sort, there will be subjective hits, misses, and delightful surprises.

Some of the entries that stood out for me…

“The Paper Menagerie” by Ken Liu (Nebula Short Story Winner).  I gave this short story a shout-out last year (November 14, 2012: Sweet, sweet, elusive sleep! News of note!) after reading it during my annual Tokyo trip.  I described it then as “mighty brilliant” and “incredibly touching”.  Some five months later, on re-reading it, it still resonates as strongly with me – the tale of a boy struggling with his sense of identity.  Despite the story’s fantasy elements, the heart of the narrative is grounded in the strained relationship between the young protagonist and his mother, a cultural outsider who silently suffers and sacrifices for her son.  Check out my previous post for a link to the story.

“Ado” by Connie Willis (2011 Damon Knight Grand Master Award Winner).  I imagine that, in the not too distant future. there will come a time when people will look back on our politically correct society with the same amusement and bafflement we, today, reserve for quaintly antiquated notions like “duck and cover” PSA’s, blue eye shadow, and flat Earth theory.  But, before we attain enlightenment, we’ll have to hit critical mass.  And, in “Ado”, Connie Willis presents us with that point in society.  A teacher, eager to have her class study the bard, is informed that some of his work won’t be permissible for various reasons.  Othello is racist.  Romeo and Juliet promotes teen suicide. There’s all that Devil worship in Macbeth, The Tempest, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Winter’s Tale, and Richard III.  In the end, after exhaustive research, the teacher proceeds with her lesson and her class is finally able to read The Complete (permissible) Works of William Shakespeare – all four inoffensive lines of Hamlet.  It’s funny, pointed, and a little maddening because it’s not that ridiculous a premise.

“The Axion of Choice” by David W. Goldman (Nebula Short Story Nominee).  A story structured like one of those “create your own adventure” books that, in a humorous, winding way, questions the very notion of free will.

“Movement” by Nancy Fulda (Nebula Short Story Nominee).  The story of Hannah, a five year old girl with temporal autism, who perceives time differently.  While her parents wrestle with a decision on an experimental treatment that could “make her normal” (at the cost of her gift), Hannah eventually arrives at her own conclusion.  Having just completed some research on autism spectrum disorder, I found this story fascinating and dead-on.

Among Others (novel excerpt) by Jo Walton Nebula Novel Winner). Diary excerpts tell the tale of a fifteen year old girl who is sent away to a boarding school following the death of her twin sister.  Her mother, a powerful witch, holds her responsible for the tragedy – but young Morweena has some supernatural connections of her own.  In addition to elements of fantasy, the book is peppered with SF references as well, making for a nostalgic, magical, wholly absorbing read.  How much did I enjoy the excerpts?  Enough to pick up the novel – which I’m presently reading.

The Freedom Maze (novel excerpt) by Delia Sherman (Andre Norton Award for YA Science Fiction and Fantasy Winner).  In 1960′s Lousiana, 13 year old Sophie is spending the summer with her aunt and grandmother when she happens upon a trickster spirit in the old family maze.  Sophie is eager to embark on an adventure that will whisk her away from her difficult situation – specifically, her strained relationship with her divorcing parents – so the trickster honors her request. Sophie is transported 100 years into the past, back to her own family’s plantation, where previous perceived hardships pale in comparison.  It may be a YA (Young Adult) entry, but it’s well-written and engaging.

The Man Who Bridged the Mist by Kij Johnson (Nebula Novella Winner).  Our protagonist is a bridge builder, charged with the task of connecting the towns of Nearside and Farside, long separated by a treacherous Mist river.  While he may be good at what he does, he, ironically, has always had trouble connecting with others.  Things change with this new assignment.  With it comes friendship, inner awakenings, and a chance at love.  A wonderful journey.

Thanks to the fine folks at Pyr Science Fiction & Fantasy for the sneak peek.

Tagged: Ado, Among Others, Connie Willis, David W. Goldman, Delia Sherman, fantasy, Jo Walton, Ken Liu, Kij Johnson, Movement, Nancy Fulda, Nebula Awards Showcase 2013, science fiction, scifi, SF, The Axion of Choice, The Freedom Maze, The Man Who Bridged the Mist, The Paper Menagerie

April 4, 2013: Akemi-isms! Okay, here’s the plan!

“I’d love to be a judge on this episode of Iron Chef,”said Akemi.  ”The secret ingredient is heroin.”

“Heroin?”I asked.  And here I’d thought they couldn’t get any more surprising than “battle scotch”.

“Heroin,”she repeated.  And then enunciating just to be sure: “He-ro-in.”

Hunh.  You think you know a  person…

“The fish,”she added.  ”Like aji.”

“Herring?”I asked.

“Yes.”

“HerRING is a fish.  HeRO-IN is a drug.  HerRING and HeRO-IN.  Not the same thing.”

“Well, they sound the same to me.”

Another one to file away for my upcoming book, Shit My Japanese Girlfriend Says, along with the many Akemi-isms I’ve been introduced to over the past three years.  Like “punching sweet” as in “This candy is punching sweet!”.  She threw that one out a little while ago and, hours later, when I declared something “punchy sweet” she shot me a mystified look and asked me what I meant.  Apparently, the correct term is “punching sweet” and no variation is acceptable, much less comprehensible.  This despite the fact that SHE MADE UP THE TERM! Still, like other Akemi-isms (ie. “melty sleepy”), it’s memorable and does kind of sort of make sense.

So, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to start incorporating these Akemi-isms into daily conversation.  Let’s start with these -

Punching sweet: Something so cloying it feels like you’re being punched with sweetness.

Melty sleepy: So sleepy you feel as though you’re melting.

Supa-mochi: Fabulous!  Awesome!  Fantastic!

Well, upon further consideration, I realize I’ve been going about it all wrong.  I’ve been lucky in my career to date.  I went from writing/story-editing animation straight into writing/producing teen sitcoms, then right into one hour action shows, then right onto Stargate where I spent the next 11+ years writing and producing. From Stargate, it was off to Toronto to work on that other show and then, from there, right back to Vancouver where Paul and I worked on the Delete miniseries and have since been developing pilots for several networks.  It’s been a lot of fun and, in most instances, very fulfilling both creatively and financially, but the reality is that, at the end of the day, it’s not enough.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Most of those productions afforded me an incredible amount of creative freedom.  Still, given my line of work, I have a choice: I can be happy doing what I’m doing, working as a hired gun on other peoples’ shows, or, I can set up my own show.  I would prefer the latter.  And, as much as I’d love to do it in Vancouver, it has become increasingly obvious that if I’m going to take that next step, I’ll have to make the move to L.A.

Last year, I was out for dinner with a friend from L.A. who told me about a fellow who had been in a similar predicament.  He’d done very well for himself back home but was gaining little traction in the U.S. market.  So, he took his agent’s advice and moved to L.A. He went from being an enormously successful show runner to a staff writer-producer.  Three years later, after working hard, making connections, and proving himself, he was an enormously successful show runner once again.

So that’s the plan.  Leave Vancouver for L.A. so that I can set up my own show and move back and shoot it here in Vancouver.

Crazy, no?

April 3, 2013: My gals! News of Note! Mailbag!

Check out what I picked up today at The Comic Shop today.  It’s the latest addition to my collection of supervillain statues.  Magneto, Master of Magnetism!  When Akemi asked me what I bought, I told her it was her early birthday present (two weeks away!).  Unbeknownst to her (in the unlikely event she doesn’t read this blog), I’ve got some other things in the works for the big day – “special plans” that I can’t divulge because she has spies everywhere.  I can, however, divulge that it involves the consumption of comestibles in a public setting.

In the meantime, my other girl, Jelly (pictured above) has been having a rough couple of days.  Despite the fact that she suffers from hip dysplasia (made manageable by the stem cell treatment she received via Vet-Stem - Vet-Stem Cell Therapy: Arthritis in Dogs & Cats | Tendons …), she usually manages a wobbly walk down to the corner and back.  But, as of yesterday, she is incapable of even a few steps. I’m not sure whether it’s a deterioration in her condition or a possible injury she suffered on the slippery hardwood floor (those areas not covered by runners for her comfort).

[image error]

I knew it!  Salad is more dangerous than beefburgers, leading food expert warns – Telegraph

Ah, good old holier-than-thou PETA.  Classic “Do as we say, not as we do”: PETA Euthanized 1,675 Animals in 2012 – J.K. Trotter – The Atlantic Wire

How spiral galaxies evolve:  http://www.space.com/20477-evolution-of-spiral-galaxy-arms-simulated-using-supercomputer-video.html

Finally, sad news regarding one of my very favorite SF authors: Author Iain Banks has terminal cancer

Mailbag:

Lewis writes: “Curious though, no one from SGU.
If it had gone on for more seasons, is there anyone from SGU that you think could have made it on the list?”

Answer: No one from SGU because all of the supporting characters we developed over the show’s two year run (ie. Volker, Brody, Park, etc.) were envisioned as recurring rather than one-offs.  Even the character of Varro was introduced with the intention of having him play over several episodes, perhaps eve more (which is what ended up happening).

Patricia Stewart-Bertrand writes: “I would also include Apophis, played by Peter Williams, the very first ‘over-the-top’ bad guy.”

Answer: Again, not conceived as a one-off character.  He was established as a Big Bad early in SG-1′s run.

gforce writes: “Did you notice that the movie that the gangster father was taking his kid to see was “The Spirit”?”

Answer: Not The Spirit but (even better) The Spirit III!  It was the unintentionally funniest part of the movie.

Mike A. writes: “One last question, I assume this movie would’ve taken place during the events of Continuum, correct? Hence, Carter’s mentioning of the “new moon base”?”

Answer: Yes, that was the original plan.

Kymm writes: “Why don’t people have to go to the bathroom in space? I mean some of those puddle jumper trips were pretty long…”

Answer: March 7, 2009: How do you answer the call of nature if you’re stuck on a cargo ship?  In the case of the puddle jumper, I imagine everybody just holds on tight while the rear ramp is lowered, then allow rapid decompression to do the rest.

April 2, 2013: From guest stars to recurring favorites! My Top 10! And 1 for good luck!

Television, like life, is just full of surprises.  Shows you expect to be huge hits tank while apparent duds become breakout hits.  Seemingly average episodes on the page magically come together onscreen while guest characters envisioned for a single episode appearance will pop, surpassing all expectations to develop into fan – if not writer – favorites.  Chalk it up to a number of things – the writing, the direction, the onscreen chemistry – but, in the end, you have to give credit to the actors who brought these characters to life and made them so much more.  Here are my Top 10 “guest stars to recurring favorites”.  Plus one for good luck!

WALTER HARRIMAN

Played by Gary Jones.

First Appearance: Children of the Gods (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #101) as Chevron Guy.

First, he was simply Chevron Guy.  Eventually, he got a first name: Norman.  And, finally, he got another first name – and a last name: Walter Harriman.  In time, Walter became as iconic a part of SG-1 as the gate itself.

OSIRIS

Played by Anna-Louise Plowman

First appearance: The Curse (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #413)

There’s something doubly, deliciously evil about a stylish villainess – triply so if she has an English accent.  Just too damn good to kill off in her first appearance, she returned for several more outings before her alter-ego, Sarah Gardner, got the happy ending she deserved.

HARRY MAYBOURNE

Played by Tom McBeath.

First appearance: Enigma (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #116)

Everyone loves a good rogue, and Harry Maybourne was good as you could get.  Sneaky, self-serving, and an incredible pain-in-the-ass, he developed into a perfect foil for Jack O’Neill.  A rival worthy of respect and admiration.

HERMIOD

Voiced by Trevor Devall

First appearance: The Siege III (Stargate: Atlantis, Episode #201)

The Asgard always had a dry sense of humor, perhaps none more than this acerbic fellow who, I suspect, would have been equally at home on Frasier.

MICHAEL

Played by Connor Trinneer (and Brent Stait for one episode)

First appearance: Michael (Stargate: Atlantis, Episode #218)

What made Michael stand out was his complexity and depth.  A product of Atlantis’s own creation, he was an outcast at odds with his own identity.  Can you blame him for being angry?

ACASTUS KOLYA

Played by Robert Davi

First Appearance: The Storm (Stargate: Atlantis, Episode #110)

Sure, aliens are plenty scary, but none proved quite as fearsome as Acastus Kolya.  It’s a testament to the character that he made an appearance even after his presumed death two years earlier.

RADEK ZELENKA

Played by David Nykl

First appearance: Thirty Eight Minutes (Stargate: Atlantis, Episode #104)

The unassuming Czech scientist first introduced in Thirty Eight Minutes eventually developed into a beloved member of the expedition – and his verbal sparring with Rodney became a regular episode highlight.

TODD

Played by Chris Heyerdahl

First appearance: Common Ground (Stargate: Atlantis, Episode #307

Dangerous and inscrutable, yet possessed of an almost palpable nobility.  He would develop into Sheppard’s most formidable adversary.

BAAL

Played by Cliff Simon

First appearance: Summit (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #515)

As far as villains go, you’d be hard-pressed to find one more stylish or possessed of a better sense of humor.

VALA MAL DORAN

Played by Claudia Black

First appearance: Prometheus Unbound (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #812)

A mercenary with a heart of gold (she would certainly trade in for cash if she could) – and serious trust issues – went from hijacking Daniel Jackson to earning herself a spot on SG-1.  Damn, she was fun to write for.

RICHARD WOOLSEY

Played by Robert Picardo

First appearance: Heroes II (Stargate: SG-1, Episode #718)

From irritating pencil pusher to lovable Commander in six short years. His road to redemption was a joy to behold.  And script.

Tagged: Atlantis, SG-1, Stargate, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1

April 1, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Kick-Ass! Goa’uld-related news!

Dis film be filled wit violence, torture, and a little girl charakter more potty-mouthed den Grover dat time he developed “chemikal burns” on his blueberries after jacuzzi party wit Madonna.  It be a terruble, TERRUBLE movie for kids.

But a super, FANTASTIK movie for monster.  Me loved it!

Say hello to my little friends.

Kick Ass ask de qwestion: What if?  What if a regular kid wit no super powers or fancy gadjets, armed only wit de human spirit and courage of his own conviktions, decided to be a superhero?  What would happen?

Well, he would get the crap beat out of him and nearly killed of course. Which be exaktly what happen to our hero, a lovable high school loser after he buy himself a mail-order costume and take on persona of…Kick-Ass!  On de one hand, he almost die.  On de other hand, he rushed to hospital and get bunch of metal plates inserted into his broken body so dat, in his words, he “look like freakin’ Wovlerine!”. Yep, metal plates be terruble for getting thru airport security, but pretty great for taking punches to de head.  Just avoid standing too close to microwave ovens.

She could handle herself on de mean streets of Sesame

Kick-Ass hit de streets and test out his harder-to-hurt new body.  He still get de crap kicked out of him – but dis time, witnesses take cell phone videos of beatdown.  He become biggest internet sensation since square-dancing monkey.  Emboldened, he go have a talk wit ex-boyfriend of girl he like from skool.  Turn out he a drug dealer wit a short fuse for people who threaten and taze him.  Touchy!  He and his buddies about to kill Kick-Ass when – another superhero crash de party.  But, unlike Kick-Ass, dis superhero not playing pretend.  She de real deal.  And she be only eleven years old!  What an inspiration!

She demonstrate some pretty sweet moves, dispatching baddies in gruesome fashion to updated version of de Banana Splitz theme song.

Now monster not usually like kids in movies – but Hit Girl be an exception.  She like a cross between sword-wielding Kill Bill gal, dat Home Alone kid, and Paul Bettany after a few drinks.

Batman dialed to 11

Hit Girl, of course, accompanied by her dad (Duh!  She only eleven!) a superhero called Big Daddy who remind monster of a brain-damaged Batman.  Turn out he former cop who be framed by mobster and kicked off de force.  His wife die, leaving him to raise his daughter de best way he know how – by shooting her and teaching her how to kill bad guys.  And you thought your dad was tuff!

It turn out dis same mobster now very pissed because drug dealer worked for him.  He tink Kick-Ass responsible and enlist help of his own so to trap him.  His son go undercover as superhero -

Red Mist

Son (aka Red Mist) befriend Kick-Ass and use him to set up Big Daddy and Hit Girl.  Hit Girl shot and fall out window.  Big Daddy and Kick-Ass captured and tortured live on de internet.  But live events have way of going horribly wrong for Swedish quiz show hostesses, overenthusiastic sports reporters, and bad guys when Hit Girl show up and take dem out.

Sadly, too late for Big Daddy.  Which be bad news for mobster because dere’s nothing worse den an angry kid.  Who happens to be a costumed vigilante.

Paybacks a bitch.  In a purple wig.

Hit Girl and Kick-Ass team up and go after mobster.  Blood!  Bullets! Blades! Bazooka!  And, in de end, we all learn valuable lesson about power, responsibility, and de correkt use of a jet pack shoulder-mounted machine guns.

Verdikt: Wild over-de-top fun!

Rating: 9.5 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies!

Goa’uld-related news: http://www.netbase.com/press-release/netbase-announces-intergalactic-language-support/

Tagged: comic book movies, Comic Books, Comics, Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster movie reviews, Cookie Monster reviews Kick-Ass, Kick-Ass, superhero movies, superheroes, SuperMovie of the Week Club

March 31, 2013: Days of Stargate Atlantis past concludes! Stargate: Extinction! And beyond!

Looking back over my 11+ years with the Stargate franchise, I have one giant regret – the missed opportunity of bringing you that Atlantis movie.  We came close…so close…

Late in Atlantis’s fifth year, when we were working on the final few scripts of the season, we had no way of knowing what the future held. A sixth season?  A wrap-up movie?  Robert Cooper suggested we hedge our bets by preparing for both.  His idea was to add an extra month to the production schedule during which we would shoot the sixth season opening two-parter that, in the event the show wasn’t picked up, could become a direct-to-dvd feature.  It was a brilliant plan which I, in turn, proposed it to the decision-makers.  Given the green light, we could roll right into production on the heels of Enemy at the Gate.  We just needed the go-ahead sooner than later in order to make sure we had all the actors on board.

Sadly, we never got the go-ahead and, although we did end up eventually writing the script for the Atlantis movie (Stargate: Extinction), in hindsight, that window of opportunity at the end of the show’s sixth season was our last, best shot at seeing it made.  The bottom fell out of the dvd market, the script was shelved and, well, here we are today.

As I already mentioned in past entries, the movie would have opened on a shot that revealed Atlantis’s new home on the lunar surface.  We learn that the gate has been offline since its return to Earth but, under pressure from the IOA, the decision is made to bring it back online, have it supersede the Earth gate, and make it a permanent lunar base. The decision isn’t embraced by everyone.  Woolsey and McKay, for instance, point out that they still have a responsibility to the people of the Pegasus galaxy.  Of course the IOA are hardly moved.

Unfortunately, when the gate is finally brought back online, Zelenka reports a build up of energy in the capacitors.  Too late they realize that the Ancients put a failsafe in place in the event Atlantis was moved.  McKay realizes – the city will self-destruct unless it returns to the Pegasus galaxy.

Woolsey gets the band back together, transporting John and Ronon up from the hospital emergency room where they are getting fixed up following a bar room brawl (an opportunity to write in the scar actor Jason Momoa had received at the time).  John, in turn, pays a visit to Area 51 and, again under the heavy protests of the IOA, springs his buddy, Todd.

The plan is to use the wormhole drive to execute a series of jumps to Pegasus – however, the drive burns out partway through their journey, stranding them in the Triangulum Galaxy, some 300 000 light years from home.  They manage to muster up enough power for one, final short range jump, putting them within range of a subspace anomaly they detected.

What follows is a high-flying adventure involving a mysterious civilization tapping the limitless potential of the accretion streams between two stars, time travel, and a race against time to avert not only the destruction of Atlantis but the extinction of an entire race.

Some of the standout sequences that come to mind include one in which Sheppard ends up trapped on an enemy mothership, falling back to a room holding some of the tech the enemy has stolen from Atlantis. Enemy soldiers surround the locked chamber, preparing to storm it when – the door shakes, buckles, and blows outward to reveal Sheppard in one of the Asgard exo-suits.  Cue kickass Iron Man sequence.

Another involves Todd risking all to ambush a future version of himself aboard the bridge of the enemy mothership, saving Atlantis from a final, devastating attack.  The two battle. “So young and impetuous,”remarks Future Todd.  ”So old and foolish,”counters ours. Eventually, Future Todd gets the upper hand and pins his opponent. He raises his dagger for the finishing blow – only to have someone reach in and grab his wrist.  Rodney McKay to the rescue.  Allowing our Todd seizes the opportunity to turn the tables.

John and Todd make the most unlikeliest of odd couples in this one, forced to work together for the greater good.  ”If I had to pick one thing I like best about you,”says Sheppard during one hair-raising moment, “I’d have to say it’s your sense of humor.”  A stone-faced Todd informs him: “Yes, back on the hive, I was known as “the funny one”.”

Enemy fighters are scrambled, Beckett takes the chair, the mother ship faces off against Atlantis, the city takes significant damage, Teyla suffers a terrible loss, some wonderful heroic moments for Ronon, McKay, and Teyla as well.

Atlantis ultimately returns to the Pegasus galaxy where Todd is granted his freedom.  ”You did save the city after all,”explains Woolsey.  ”Of course I did,”says Todd.  ”How else would I have gotten home?”.  And, in a moment that demonstrates how far things have come, John gives his former enemy a parting handshake.  Woolsey hopes that, some day, their paths will cross under better circumstances.  Todd agrees.  ”It would be wonderful to have you for dinner sometime,”he says before heading through the gate.

Atlantis re-establishes itself, Beckett gets his turtles back from Rodney and assumes a permanent position as Atlantis’s new head of medical R&D, and John comforts a grieving Teyla now aware – via the revelations of time travel – that they are destined to be together.

And we fade out on a night shot of Atlantis, a jewel on the water…

Yes, it would have been a great movie, but I think it would have been an even better sixth season two-part premiere.

And, yeah, we had long-range plans for that too:

September 30, 2008: An AU Season 6!

Now that I think about it, I believe 619 and 620, the two-part season finale, would have involved an idea I’d been kicking around involving our team returning from a mission to an AU Atlantis that has been taken over by a mysteriously resurrected Michael, its personnel (Woolsey, Keller, Beckett, even Chuck!)  now hybrids in league with their former enemy.  Damn.  So many opportunities missed!

Tagged: Atlantis, Science Fiction Television, scifi television, SF television, SGA, Stargate, Stargate Atlantis movie, Stargate Extinction, Stargate: Atlantis

March 30, 2013: Support your local bakers! And umbrella dancers!

Every Saturday morning (and Sunday morning during the summer), Akemi and I head down to the farmers market to support our local growers.  Starting this weekend, we can now head down to the bakers market and support our local bakers as well.  And so, today, after swinging by Nat Bailey stadium, we headed over to the Moberly Arts & Cultural Centre to check out the sweets.

Sadly, because it was held indoors, Bubba – who had joined us for the trip – had to wait outside…which meant that Akemi and I had to take turns browsing.  She was a quick in and out, spending all of five minutes inside before returning empty handed.  I, on the other, went a little crazy.  Like I said, I was there to support my local bakers/entrepreneurs.  Their kids gotta eat!

And so do I!

Today’s haul…

My first purchase was from this animated entrepreneur who informed me that I was her first sale.  Ever.  It was maybe five minutes after the market opened, so I have no doubt she did a brisk business.

I had a choice between chocolate and orange but elected to go with orange for Akemi.

Chocolate-dipped orange shortbread cookies.

A trio from Sweet Lily: super buttery crisp palmiers, brown butter blondies, and soft chocolate chunk cookies.

Speaking of buttery, these lemon poppyseed friands from Yummy Workshop were that – and moist, and delicious.

Akemi is a big fan of marshmallow desserts, so I picked up a bag of these matcha gimauve. She eyed them suspiciously, took a small bite, slowly chewed – then popped the rest into her mouth. And then another.

Akemi is also a big fan of biscotti.  I figure you can’t go wrong with chocolate.

This place offered a selection of ice cream sandwiches – and samples!

I went with the Affogato.  I’m not a huge coffee guy but the espresso flavor was great and the soft cookie was a perfect accompaniment.

I only picked up one cupcake from Vivi Cupcakes and Treats and ended up regretting the fact I didn’t get more.

They specialize in caramels, but I picked up the salted caramel sauce.  Looking forward to trying it with a scoop of vanilla.

Yuzu biscuits.  Subtle in citrus flavor yet no less tasty.

A foursome from Geek Sweets.  Clockwise from upper left: the Hello Kitty, the Easter Cream Egg, PB&J, and Red Velvet.  The owner strongly recommends I check out Battlestar Galactica.

And Akemi’s favorite – the red velvet cheesecake.  She prefers the corner piece.  I’m more of a middle kind of guy.

We returned home, dropped off Bubba, took Jelly for a walk, then headed downtown for a walk with Lulu.  Akemi was eager to check out the cherry blossoms.

Lulu too, but for completely different reasons.

I never realized the number of cherry blossom trees in Vancouver. They line almost every suburban street.

Akemi – along with most of the city’s Japanese population – are anxiously looking forward to Vancouver’s annual Cherry Blossom Festival that kicks off next week and runs through most of April. Highlights will include umbrella dances, haiku, and blossom viewing. My buddy Carl has, I’m sure, already made plans to attend.  No one appreciates a good haiku like Carl.

Tagged: baked goods, Bakers Market, Bakers Market Vancouver, Brown Paper Packages, cherry blossom festival, cherry blossoms, Desserts, Geek Sweets, Life's Lemons, sakura, Sweet Lily, sweets, Treats and Blossoms, Vivi Cupcakes and Treats, Yummy Workshop, [in the oven]