Josh Hanagarne's Blog, page 18

What I’ve Been Reading

Hey all,

The most recent week has been a great one for reading. Here’s the list:

The Keeper of Lost Causes and The Absent One by Jussi Adler-Olsen

Incredibly dark mysteries from Danish writer Adler-Olsen. Comparisons to Stieg Larsson Girl books will be constant and well-deserved, but I think Adler-Olsen is more fun.  There aren’t many laughs in the murderous romps of Lisbeth and Mikael. Detective Carl Morck of the hastily-formed and under-staffed Department Q has a better sense of humor, but the cases certainly aren’t any more heartwarming.

The Good Soldier Svejk by Jaroslav Hasek

Reading it again. Impossibly funny.

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Just got the urge again. Read it in a couple of doctor’s waiting rooms (yes, they were long waits this week)

How about you? Anyone reading anything great?

Josh

Updates, Book Signing Tomorrow, King’s English, Sick

Hi all, guess who’s sick? Me! Guess who has a 45 minute radio interview today? Me! Guess whose voice is a wretched croak? Mine!

Blah.

For all you Salt Lake area folks, tomorrow I’m doing a book signing at the King’s English. I’d love to see you there. We’re going to have a fun time talking about whatever anyone wants to talk about. The book shop throws a pretty great party, so hopefully I’ll feel well enough to do anything besides roll on the floor and moan. If that’s how it goes, I expect you all to roll around on the floor with me.

Writing continues to go well on the new project. Fiction is much harder work for me, and I’m not at all sure that I’m as good at is as I am at non-fiction. This makes it a great challenge.

Tourette’s has been awful.  Boo hoo.

Struggling with writing? Write a paragraph a day. That’s what I’ve been doing. Guess what? It adds up. Also, once you are in the habit of one paragraph, it’s pretty hard to stop yourself with just one. You can shape your own habits. Well, actually, there’s no way around it. You do shape your own habits, so if you want to write, it help to have writing in the rotation.

I was hitting my heavy bag–it hangs in our carport–a few days ago and it broke off of the beam and landed in an oil spot on our driveway. I’m not sure if I hit hard or if it was just a stupid place to hang the bag. Everlast, indeed.

Sales continue to be steady, so thank you all for that.

Nyquil is giving me fantastic dreams.

I’m reading a book of Margaret Atwood’s essays called Writing With Intent. Excellent.

I hate smart phones.

And that’s today’s ramble. How are you?

 

 

 

 

Feeling Sentimental

Hi everyone, I’m back home from book tour now, feeling sentimental.

It’s a privilege to have readers. Yes, I would have grown from the experience of writing the book, and traveling, and speaking, but I wouldn’t have been able to do any of those things if there wouldn’t have been anyone reading the blog and waiting for the book.

You are appreciated! Go buy yourself a doughnut and say, “There’s an author out there who loves me.”

Josh

Haunted by Sedaris, Yusuf’s Beard, Improbably Good-Looking Men, and Polkas – San Francisco Recap

Yesterday I flew into San Francisco in the early morn. I was picked up by yet another incredibly hilarious media escort, a professional musician named David Golia. His wife–he gave me one of her CDs–is a bodybuilding, accordion-playing, seismologist who performs under the name Big Lou.

I must meet this woman. I’m a little miffed at not having the strangest resume around anymore.

Everything is spread out here. We drove 45 minutes from the airport to the Pleasanton Library, which was indeed, pleasant. Had a great talk with a book club atmosphere. As much as I like giving talks, I think I enjoy the intimate atmosphere where everyone just chats even more.

Also,I got to meet a great, tough kid with Tourette’s named Steven. Steven, if you read this, you made my day and inspired me to stop whining! Keep banging on those drums! We’ll start our band soon.

We had Mexican food twice yesterday. That was once too many.

Yusuf Clack came, another online pal. His beard was every bit as fierce in person. It is a beard that says, “This is not a negotiation.”

Everywhere I go, there’s a giant banner of David Sedaris waiting for me. He’s always in town, if not the same night, very soon. This has become the running joke with my wife. “Oh, looks like David’s coming too! Hey! Is that a stack of 500 of his books over there? Looks like they’ve already been paid for! Wow!”

Mr. Sedaris, no hard feelings. Perhaps one day I’ll have as many books in print as you can sell in an hour by just showing up. Please don’t lose any sleep over never having heard of me.

The Golden Gate Bridge is incredible. Everywhere I go, I just wind up thinking, “I can’t believe people can build these things.” Buildings, bridges, whatever–people are so smart. I don’t have that sort of ingenuity but I’ll kill just about anyone in a spelling bee. Be wary.

The event at the Fairfax Library was a blast. And I got to meet Sam Barry, whose harmonica playing I’ve admired from afar for too long.

Also, Tara Sophia Mohr came. I’ve known Tara online for years, but finally got to meet her. From her Twitter avatar, even though it’s just a headshot, somehow I got the idea that she was tall. She’s like 4’1″ I think. Not a good estimator, me.

Also, Uma, another wonderful kid with Tourette’s, came. I made her sit up front by me, which might have made her uneasy for a second, but then she stole the spotlight, as was only fair.

I’m tired. It’s been so fun, but I’m ready to go home. I’ve got a bunch of stuff to do locally next week, but I want to sleep in my own bed and run around with my son. And I want to lift! Traveling hasn’t been great for my training. I’ve done lots of pushups and running, but I’ve wasted away to nothing. To nothing, I say.

Also, my hotel is very trendy and there are improbably handsome men holding the doors. They’re probably being built in a lab. They all look similar, and like they just stepped out of a magazine. It’s weird to see people so pretty they look airbrushed in person.

the end

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

X Files Binge, Ferriss Wheels, Back On The Road – Seattle Updates

Hi all, I’ve been in Seattle for two days and have now eaten five bowls (excuse me, four bowls and one “tanker” of clam chowder). I also got tricked into a four dollar cup of orange juice this morning when I was waylaid by a smiling waiter in a restaurant. I thought he was just being polite. Come to think of it, perhaps it was being poured even as I said “sure.”….

But I officially love Seattle. We went to the space needle yesterday. It’s tall. I went to the Museum of Art. Still have no idea how to talk about art, but I liked what I saw. I think.

I went on a four mile run yesterday morning and wound up at Top Pot Doughnuts. Thank you, man in Atlanta who said I had to come have these doughnuts, you were right.

I had a talk and signing and Third Place Books on Saturday night, which was great fun. TPB was one of the most charming bookstores I’ve ever been in. “Third Place” refers to this, not “We’re the runner up of the runner up.”

I’m at the Alexis Hotel. In the fitness room, there are three five pound dumbbells and some treadmills. Feeling uninspired, I must say. Three dumbbells–well what do you know? Time for juggling, I guess.

Tonight I have an event at the main Seattle Library. It looks like a spaceship. I’ll be in conversation with Diane Mapes, who is quite sassy and has been a great new friend. Diane is also coming back from a bout with breast cancer, so I can’t wait to see what she has to say about strength, faith, and keeping on.

Oh, I rode the Ferris wheel down at the pier with my mom. Great view of the city, and the water.

In the hotel I’m re-reading Roughing It by Mark Twain and had an X-Files binge last night.  Scully sure gets puts through the ringer. Mulder usually comes through with a couple of scratches, but she gets abducted, beat up, and more in just about every single episode.  In the FBI, I can’t imagine that there is a job one hundredth as perilous as working on the X Files.

And for now, that’s that. Off to wander the city.

 

My Only Response To Criticism Of My Book

Hey everyone, I fly out to Seattle in the morning for two events, and then I’ll be in San Francisco next Tuesday for a few things. Hope to see you on the road! Also, the link to the NPR interview on RadioWest is up if you’re interested. Doug Fabrizio made it really easy and we had a great time.

Last night at my Salt Lake Library event, someone asked me how I respond to criticism? If you’ve been following the last few weeks, you know that I don’t read reviews of my book. So I haven’t seen a lot of criticism, or praise for that matter, although I know the reaction has been largely positive. Hooray!

But other people do read the reviews and some have sent me snippets that, while largely positive, also mention aspects of the book that didn’t quite work for them. These helpful emailers are often wondering how I react to any type of criticism. (I’m not saying don’t send me these, but I am going to tell you what my reaction is going to be just about every time)

The best answer I can give is that, as a librarian who just wants everyone to read, it’s not my place to tell anyone how they should react to my book (or any other).

What if someone says, “This part of your book was preachy for me?”

Should I argue? Should I  say, “No it wasn’t, I’m never preachy, go read it again!” If that reader thought something was preachy, I say that reader is right. If another reader says it’s not preachy, that reader’s correct as well.

If someone says a section “dragged,” compared to the rest of the book, I’m not going to say “Oh no it didn’t!” If it dragged for that reader, then it dragged for that reader. Should I say, “You know, if you really think about it, that was actually the most exciting section for you. Try to remember.”

And if someone says, “It’s kind of all over, not super cohesive,” I’m not going to protest that it is, in fact, the very definition of cohesion. What would be the point?

I wrote the book, it’s out there, and I don’t get to insist on how people react to it. Nor am I interested in everyone having the same reaction, the differences are what keep things lively and lead to such great conversations about books.

The only response that makes sense to me as a writer is:

It’s a privilege to have readers, and not everyone has readers. Thank you for reading!

 

 

Parade Interview, People Magazine, and Life After Life by Kate Atkinson

Howdy folks, I have a couple of quick things to share with you today,

1. Yesterday the interview Janette and I did for Parade posted on their homepage. You can watch it here to see who will play me in the movie. I seriously had no idea they were filming it, which probably helped. I knew there was a camera there, but I thought it was audio only for soundbites.

2. The book got a brief but very positive review in People Magazine, which just hit stands. It’s about time I started sharing magazine space with the Kardashians.

Here’s a scan of the page: 

 

3. Read Life After Life by Kate Atkinson, who is currently my favorite author (always after Mark Twain, always). This book is trippy business in the best way.

4. I’m trying to work Bon Jovi lyrics into all of my interviews. Please post some lyrics you’d like to hear on the air in the comments.

The end!

Josh

 

Adding A Few Events

Hi all, I wanted to give you an updated list of places I’ll be speaking and/or signing. Some are open to the public, some are just for library folks.

But! If I’m in your town and you want to hang out, and I have time, I’d love to meet everyone I can.

Here’s what’s coming up.

June 7, Denver, CO – speaking at a library conference

June 28 and 29, Chicago, IL – Panelist and signing at ALA Annual

July 17 – Hartford, CT – Speaking at a library then touring Mark Twain’s House. I’ll also be around the next day for the Stephen King event. 

September 26 and 27, Loudon County, VA – Talk and signing, along with visits to a school and a juvenile detention center

October 12 – Pinedale, WY – Two Talks And Signings as well as a Meet And Greet

October 30, Monterrey, CA – Closing Keynote at Internet Librarian 2013

 

Back Home For A Few Days – Recap of St. Louis Event

Hi all, despite having done nothing but talk, eat, get driven around, and watch Iron Man 3 for the past week, I was whipped when I landed in Salt Lake last night. Seasoned traveler? Not I.  Not yet. But I’ll say that I’ve never had more fun in a week.  Such a good time. Now I’m home for four days before heading off to the jewels of America that are Seattle and San Francisco, or so the legends go.

A few more observations from St. Louis and the event:

If you can get 50 people in a library on a Saturday night at a free event, someone at that library is doing something right


The event was wonderful and I was thrilled to see some Tourette’s kids there. Also, a strength coach from the St. Louis Rams came out and if I am half the brute at 58 that he was, I’ll be happy.  Very nice, very strong.  Lifting will help you age well. I have seen the evidence!


Parts of St. Louis looked like New York, except that there weren’t any people on the street. Like, none.


On Saturday morning we got trapped by a 5k–we almost had no choice but to start running or get trampled, but we escaped into a place called Smoothie King, which turned out to be even more crowded than the street.


The St. Louis City Museum might be my favorite place in the world


I asked someone, “tell me why a person might visit Missouri?”  He immediately replied, “There are three things we do really well–meth, portion sizes, and hate crimes.”  Then he laughed.  I have no idea if it was a joke.  I did have some big portions (of food).


I ate at a steak house where the booth had “privacy drapes.”  I had to close them, I couldn’t help it.  Then I said, “Let’s talk loud and make everyone think celebrities are in here. I’ll be Lebron James.” That was the night the Heat were playing, but I forgot, so nobody bought my fabulous imitation.


 Five dollars is too much for a can of Sprite (don’t ask)


I ate great food on this trip, but I didn’t eat that clean and I’m paying for it.  I also didn’t get enough exercise outside of walking. Will remedy this on the next leg of the trip.


The more times I sign my name, the worse it looks. I’m not sure how to fix this.  When I run out of clever things to write, I start drawing pigs, but then even the pigs start to get sloppy. 

More to come!

If you’re in the Salt Lake area, this Thursday evening is the big Author’s Live event. It’s going to be fun. Hope to see you there.

 

 

 

Read The Introduction To The World’s Strongest Librarian

Hi everyone. Part of the introduction to The World’s Strongest Librarian is now available on a few websites, so I’m going to post it here as well for anyone on the fence about reading and/or buying it. enjoy!

Today the library was hot, humid, and smelly. It was like working inside a giant pair of glass underpants without any leg holes to escape through. The building moved. It breathed. It seethed with bodies and thoughts moving in and out of people’s heads. Mostly out.

“You tall bigot!”

I stopped and wondered if these two words had ever been put next to each other. The odds were astronomical; even someone with my primitive math skills knew this. I laughed, which didn’t help the situation, which was this: A guy wearing a jaunty red neckerchief had walked by the reference desk, yelling about the “motherfucking Jews and lesbians on the Supreme Court.” I had asked him to lower his voice and voilà! Now I was a tall bigot…the worst kind of all.

“What are you, some kind of Jew?” he sputtered. I’ve never seen someone so enraged. I wondered what he’d do if he knew I’d been raised Mormon.

Maybe he was mad because he couldn’t find the anti-Semitism section. The library has a robust collection of what I call non-cuddly hate lit. This is one of my favorite things about working here: If you believe censorship is poison, here lies paradise. We have sections on anti-Mormonism, anti-Semitism, anti-anti-Semitism, anti-atheism, anti-God, anti-feminism, pro-gay…there’s something to offend everyone.

Moshe Safdie, the architect who designed the Salt Lake City Public Library, won numerous awards for his vision and technical derring-do. He thought big, appropriately, because a building that can hold 500,000 books is enormous. The number of items circulating each hour is rivaled only by the number of people napping in the corners. But nothing is as impressive as the way the building looks. I work in a beautiful building made almost entirely of glass. Seen from the air, it looks like the Nike Swoosh if it got frightened and began to cower.

An older librarian—one of the few other males—once said to me, “Whatever we deal with, coming here is always a visual reward.” This statement is poetic, accurate, and maddening. Because most of the time it feels like people show up just to fight about something with total strangers like me. Which is fine. I’m not here for the good company.

One of the reasons I work here is because I have extreme Tourette Syndrome.* The kind with verbal tics, sometimes loud ones; the kind that draws warning looks. Working in this library is the ultimate test for someone who literally can’t sit still. Who can’t shush himself. A test of willpower, of patience, and occasionally, of the limits of human absurdity.

A patron recently took exception to a series of throat clearings I couldn’t suppress. As he approached, I put on my customer service smile and readied myself for one of those rare, mind-blowing reference transactions that I hear about from other librarians. Instead this man said, “If you’re going to walk around honking like a royal swan, you don’t belong in the library. I’m going to call security. Somebody needs to teach you a lesson.”

I stood up. I’m six feet seven inches tall, and I weigh 260 pounds. “Is it you?” I’m not confrontational, but I don’t lose many staring contests. I’m good at looming when it’s helpful. He walked away.

I also work here because I love books, because I’m inveterately curious, and because, like most librarians, I’m not well suited to anything else. As a breed, we’re the ultimate generalists. I’ll never know everything about anything, but I’ll know something about almost everything and that’s how I like to live.

Earlier today a young woman asked me to help her find a book about how to knit lingerie. This is the sort of question library school recruiters should feature in their dreary PowerPoint presentations, not claptrap about how we’re the “stewards of democracy.” They would definitely attract more males to the profession. When I arrived in my library department two years ago, the alpha male was a sixty-six-year-old woman.

On our way to the lingerie section—yes, the official subject heading is Lingerie, call number 646.42—I tripped over another young woman who was lying on the floor beneath a blanket, nestled between two rows of law books. I’m thirty-five years old and it both relieves and elates me to know I can still be surprised.

“I’m sleeping here!” she yelled.

I’m rarely at a loss for words outside the library. But within its walls I’m required to form sentences that no logical person should ever have to utter, for instance, “You can’t sleep on the floor at the library under your blanket.”

“I don’t snore!” she said, gripping her blanket with both hands, as if I might snatch it away.

“I’m sure you don’t,” I said. “That’s not the point.”

“Well, there’s no other point!”

This was an occasion when my need to be right didn’t feel that important. I made a phone call. Security interrupted her derailed slumber and led her out of the building. And stay out, I pictured them yelling, tossing the blanket after her, where it would be swept into traffic by a sudden gust of wind.

I felt a twinge of envy. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken a nap. I’ll admit to often feeling sleepy in the library. Most of the time, in fact. The building was constructed with the ability to save power and warm itself, so the glass walls make it difficult to find an area that isn’t bathed by soporific sunbeams. I briefly considered lying down on the floor between Black’s Law Dictionary and the Morningstar investment guides. Someone would probably report me, but I might be imposing enough to buy myself a power nap. Then someone came to the desk for help and the plan ended before it began.

I really want someone to ask me a question that is not “How many times can I fall asleep in here before I get kicked out?” I really want this building to serve the purpose for which it was intended—as a breeding ground for curiosity.

I work on Level 3. If you’re on my floor you’re probably looking for information about Bigfoot; the healing powers of crystals, self-help, or psychology; you’re trying to expunge something from your record and need the law section; you need to lose weight; you heard that people make money on the Internet; you need to summon some pixies; you want to get into hat-making; you can’t sight your rifle; you’re sick of the Jews; you’re sick of the people who won’t shut up about being sick of the Jews; you’re looking for a Bible; or you’re cramming for the SAT. Unless you’re just looking for a place to sleep, in which case I’d direct you to any of the comfortable chairs laid out around the perimeter, out of my direct line of sight. And if you’re hooking up with your drug dealer, that’s usually conducted in the restrooms.

Later this morning, something actually happened that didn’t require me to wake someone up or tell him to watch porn at home. An African American man asked me if the Hutu tribe in Rwanda had any Jewish ancestry. What a fascinating question. We started hunting through the library’s incredibly expensive, underpromoted, and underused research databases. After an hour we realized that the question was bigger than we could complete during one session, but he had enough leads to pursue on his own. We’d forgotten that the rest of the world existed as we leaned over my computer and hurried to and fro in the stacks grabbing books.

As always, many patrons wanted to research their genealogy. I always wonder why. Were they trying to discover whether they might have an inheritance coming to them? Being kept from them? Researching the people who led to their own genetic impairments? I have Tourette Syndrome because of some combination of my parents’ crazy innards. His genes met hers and said, “Hey, let’s get stupid!” I can’t blame them for not knowing any better. If there’s a memo out there that says Never cross a Navajo and a Mormon or you’ll create a twitchy baby who will be a burden forever, they never got it.

At lunch, many of the librarians lurched up to the staff room and fell onto chairs and couches with their books and magazines. Librarians as a rule move about as well as the Tin Man did before Dorothy brought him the oilcan. Their heads often sit so far forward on their necks that they look like woodpeckers frozen in mid-peck. Their shoulders are rounded from answering the phone, typing, eating, and reading. Their hands at rest inevitably rotate into the typing position. They spend so much time looking down at computers and into books and talking down to people from their tall desks that it’s become an unnatural effort to raise their eyes to make eye contact during conversation.

I move quite well, partly because during my lunch break, I go downstairs to the library’s diminutive fitness room, wrap my hands in thin, well-seasoned leather strips to protect them, and bend horseshoes. I’m also working on the goal of deadlifting six hundred pounds, but I do that outside the library walls. The sound of six hundred pounds hitting the ground is serious. Dropping that much weight in the basement of the library would echo up to the top floor and wake everyone up. When I hit a snag, I call my coach, a man named Adam.

Adam is a former air force tech sergeant, an expert in hand-to-hand combat, and the sort of hard-ass who describes poor haircuts as “…