Josh Hanagarne's Blog, page 13

Taking A Break For The Rest Of September

Hi all, my Tourette’s is acting up to the point where I can’t really write much. I’m going to take the rest of September off and see if I can figure anything out.

You’re still my favorites, forget it not!

Josh

I Got A Part In A Zombie Movie

Well, I’m doing a terrible job with Mark Twain month. I think I’m setting it aside for now, especially since I didn’t start it until about the eighth anyway.

But I have two updates!

I’ll give a longer update on this as we go, but last night at the library I walked into our conference room to tell whoever was in there to be quieter. They were exceptionally loud, I wasn’t just being a dick.

Turns out they were doing film auditions for a zombie movie.

“I want to audition,” I said.

Five minutes later I had a part.More details to come. So bizarre and great.

Also!

I won the Arty award for best non-fiction book, so thank you all who voted, thank you so much!

 

Now Taking On Memoir Students

Hi all, I’m interrupting Mark Twain month briefly for a quick announcement:

Starting in November I am going to be taking on students who want to write memoir, or are in the process and need feedback, or who just want someone to read for them and give suggestions on what works and what doesn’t.

If you are one of these fine folks, please contact me and let’s talk about how I can help. All work will be done one-on-one so I can really give you and your work my attention.

When we talk I’ll tell you more about what I can offer you. Today, just so I’m clear about what I am not offering. 

You’re not buying praise. If you want to write, you don’t want an editor who simply says “attaboy/girl!”

You’re not buying publication. I’m not a portal to anything. Having a better book improves your chances at publication, but guarantees nothing.

So let me know. I’m excited to work with you and the early response to this has been great.

Josh

Mark Twain – How To Tell A Story

I read How To Tell A Story for the first time in my early twenties. I’ve never forgotten it. Every time I sit down to write something funny (I hope), I check it against this short piece to see if what I am envisioning is:

A humorous story
A witty story
A comic story

Mark Twain’s definitions usually resonate with me. As with the piece on Fenimore Cooper, it is the meticulous care that Twain puts into his rules that I find so useful. If you’re a writer, a storyteller, or a lover of words, check out How To Tell A Story and see where your ideas about humor fit in.

Why Twain?

In nearly every interview or talk I’ve given this year, I’ve been asked to name my favorite author.

A literary landscape where my answer is not Mark Twain is inconceivable. If I ever give an answer that’s not Mark Twain it will mean I had a stroke.

The next question is usually “Why? Why Mark Twain? Didn’t he die like a hundred years ago?”

Well yes, he died in 1910, but what does the time in which Twain wrote or lived have to do with his relevance today? And that’s it, my answer is there in the question: everything. 

Twain’s humor is every bit as funny today as when he was writing. Interest in his books is still incredible. Think about that. Go watch a cherished comedy from the eighties that you have fond memories of. For me it was Planes, Trains, And Automobiles. I watched it about a year ago. Some of the humor has aged well. Some of it can’t even make me smile anymore.

So what does it take to write something that is still making people laugh a century or two into the future? Ponder that and tell me your answer in the comments.

In order to be a satirist, one has to care enough to understand the object which it satirizes. In Twain’s case, the object was almost always people and human nature, and he didn’t spare himself either. He cared about people. He cared about humanity. He mourned the worst that we can do to each other and tried to call attention to it through humor. (note: his writing wasn’t always funny. When he was truly disgusted by an atrocity he was a vicious fireball while remaining highly logical and meticulous in his indictments).

I’m going to leave off for there today, but here’s me answering my own question:

Why Twain? Because no matter what Twain I read, I feel like I am learning what it means to be a human. I gain a better understanding of how we treat each other, ourselves, and how we might do better. And I feel like I am being led by Twain to feel that way. If that’s what he planned on, that is mastery of the craft, no matter how far into the future his readers might be.

I also read for pleasure, and I learn best when I’m enjoying what I’m reading. That’s why Twain.

Here’s my favorite example of Twain the humorist. Please read Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses and rejoice that the man never frowned and furrowed his brow at your own writing.

Tomorrow I’ll start looking at specific pieces of Twain’s work.

Mark Twain Month

Hi all, I’m going to spend the rest of September writing about Mark Twain here on the blog, and I’ll be writing more regularly than usual.

If there’s a specific book or piece you’d like to discuss, let me know in the comments and I’ll see if I can work it into what I have planned.

thanks!

Josh

Do You Have A Favorite Grammar Book?

I know, this is probably the least sexy question of all time…or is it? Depends on how you think about grammar. Me? I’m all about it, despite my sloppy sentence construction.

Here are a few grammar books I have loved. If you’re trying to become a better writer, communicator, orator, or you just want to be one of those people who can pedantically correct grammar on the Internet, here are a few items of interest.

Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach To Punctuation by Lynne Truss

I started this book for the grammar, I finished it because of how hard it made me laugh. A great read.

The Elements Of Style by Strunk and White

Picked this one up after reading Stephen King’s On Writing. A good investment. Very nuts and bolts, not a ton of fun, but invaluable.

Punctuation by User Design

A charming little illustrated book, self published by the company User Design. They sent me a copy in the mail, it took me way too long to get around to it, but I’m glad I did. It’s funny, it’ll teach you the rules, and it’s short.

The Grammar Pack – The Oatmeal

No comments necessary. Take a look.

Anyone have a recommendation for further reading?

The Clouds, Judgmental

The other day my sister Megan was in a car. She looked out the window, up at the clouds.

“Do you think the clouds ever look down at us and say, ‘Hey, that one’s shaped like an idiot?’”

I doubt it.

But that made me laugh harder than anything has in a year.

Maybe you’re laughing too. I hope so.

Update:  Alas, I typed this quote into google and found it has been said before. Still funny, but I guess it wasn’t my sister’s. 

 

Anne Rice Party, Book Tattoo, Updates

Hey gang, I’ve got a few items to share.

Party

On October 24 I’m going to be doing a library event in Lafayette, Louisiana. Better yet, the day after that I’m going to New Orleans for the Anne Rice Halloween party. With any luck, I’ll have another arm-wrestling picture for you soon. It’s a big party full of dressed-to-the-nines vampires. With a top hat I’m going to be about ten feet tall.

I’m going with some friends and it promises to be quite a scene. Come with us if you’re in the area!

Ink

I’ve been working on a literary tattoo. I’ve got one more session on my back before that part’s done, and then it will be spread out onto each shoulder down to the elbow.

Possible answers to possible questions: 

A. Yes, it hurts

A. It has taken two sessions of about 80 minutes each so far

A. The books aren’t going to have titles, but there will be some notation, some of which won’t make sense to anyone but me.

A. it stops at the belt. Sorry pervs.

A. Yes, I know I am as pale as an eyeless grub raised in a cave with no light.

Green Room, Ladies’ Room, Lengthy Bozos, and The HannyGranny

Yesterday I went to the ABC 4 studio for an interview. I was quickly ushered into the green room. The green room wasn’t green at all. I had no idea if green meant something else, besides the color, so I did some cursory research. The origins of the green room are shrouded in mysteries every bit as arcane as anything those wacky Rosicrucians get up to.

After sitting in there for a few minutes, wondering why nothing was green–actually, no there was a green plant and a throw pillow–an employee took me into the studio.

The lights were really bright and the anchors were impossibly good looking. It’s a very strange thing to see people so attractive that they look like they are generated by computers, except they’re sitting right in front of you. Yeah yeah, some of it is TV makeup, but these were seriously gorgeous people. I felt every bit the ogre. Scarred face. Clumsy. Clumsy. Bent and broken teeth. Kind of like this: 

 

“Did you bring a copy of your book?” asked Nadia, the lovely person who would interview me.

“Uh, no…” I said. “But I brought a copy of Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.” Twas true, and it was what I had used to calm my nerves after the visual and mental discord of the green room.

“Oh, well, I’ve got one of your books.”

I sat in the interview chair. I got to watch them cover a stabbing, West Nile Virus, and then Nadia hurried over and sat next to me.

“I am the news,” I thought. “They haven’t even mentioned Bradley Manning. I’m such an OG.”

 

“How do you say your name?” she said.

“Hanagarne,” I said. “Four syllables. Knee on the end. Emphasis on first syllable. You’ll get it wrong, don’t worry.”

“No I won’t,” she said, and she practiced.

As you’ll see if you watch the video, I was introduced as Josh Hannygranny. So great. She bounced back, however, and conducted a great interview. It was intercut with footage from the library. One viewer described the footage as “Haunted” which made me laugh hysterically. It’s sort of true. Most of the footage–according to others–shows people who look like they’ve been sentenced to be at the library forever. Patrons and staff.

 You can watch the interview here. I haven’t watched it and won’t. However, I will tell you this. After watching the video I have been told:

Your neck is exceedingly thick
Your voice is quite manly
Everyone wants to “Oprah you” which was said salaciously with waggling eyebrows as if this is some euphemism I’m supposed to understand
You sure are bald
You look like a dinosaur next to her

Anyway. When this high octane interview concluded, I wafted out of there astride my sense of self satisfaction. So into me was I that I walked right into the women’s restroom. I quickly saw that there was a shapely leg with a high heel under one of the stall doors. And now it occurs to me that I have no idea where the other leg was…

I left with a quickness.

When I got home I took my guitar into the back yard. Our neighbors dachsunds were looking at me through the fence. I played a rendition of These Arms Of Mine that was both searing and soaring, and yet, those lengthy bozos decided that it was time to just go berserk. Philistines. But they heard the whole song, and more from Otis Redding. It’s the only way they’ll learn.

A good day overall.