Andrea Michaels's Blog - Posts Tagged "making-friends"
How a Wallflower Learned to Network
I'm the ultimate wallflower. I barrel through meeting strangers most of the time. There's probably nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than walking into a room full of people I don't know. Many of my friends are great at this. I'm not. I am in terror of such situations and would rather go home (or to my hotel room) and watch Law and Order reruns. But I don't. I strike out and shake hands, introduce myself and try to engage. I've been rewarded time and again. So, it should come more easily for me now. But it doesn't.
I've come to the realization that there could be several reasons why that crowded room might not seem friendlier. Perhaps the other people in the room feel as I do and are just waiting for me to make the first move?
Maybe a different culture might consider it rude to make the first move? This came to light when I attended a conference in Goa, India. I arrived at the first welcome reception, and, of course, the only person I had previously met had not yet arrived. As I gazed around the room, I felt that old familiar oh, no, now what sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Absolutely no one made a move to greet me. They knew I was the foreign guest speaker as I was the only person in the room who wasn't Indian. So, I walked over to the closest person, offered my hand and introduced myself. Immediately the group welcomed me; we exchanged cards, and conversation was initiated as I started asking the group to help me with thoughts for my keynote the next day. I excused myself after awhile and approached other groups with the same results. Over the next days at the conference, everyone was friendly, approachable and welcoming. Relationships continued to build, and by the time I left for home (not having watched a single Law and Order episode), I had 85 new friends. It was a fantastic experience.
I had given myself permission to make the first move, not even knowing if that was right or wrong.
Think about it. How often do we need to offer permission? Please join me for dinner. May I sit next to you at the meeting? May I introduce you to some people here that I know?. These are invitations to a relationship - a hospitable extension that gives you permission to extend yourself and that gives someone else permission to join you.
With all that said, I'm still terrorized by a room of strangers, but when I think of the benefits of diving into the situation, they are infinite. Next time you're at a conference, meeting or social gathering, offer permission. I know I will.
I've come to the realization that there could be several reasons why that crowded room might not seem friendlier. Perhaps the other people in the room feel as I do and are just waiting for me to make the first move?
Maybe a different culture might consider it rude to make the first move? This came to light when I attended a conference in Goa, India. I arrived at the first welcome reception, and, of course, the only person I had previously met had not yet arrived. As I gazed around the room, I felt that old familiar oh, no, now what sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Absolutely no one made a move to greet me. They knew I was the foreign guest speaker as I was the only person in the room who wasn't Indian. So, I walked over to the closest person, offered my hand and introduced myself. Immediately the group welcomed me; we exchanged cards, and conversation was initiated as I started asking the group to help me with thoughts for my keynote the next day. I excused myself after awhile and approached other groups with the same results. Over the next days at the conference, everyone was friendly, approachable and welcoming. Relationships continued to build, and by the time I left for home (not having watched a single Law and Order episode), I had 85 new friends. It was a fantastic experience.
I had given myself permission to make the first move, not even knowing if that was right or wrong.
Think about it. How often do we need to offer permission? Please join me for dinner. May I sit next to you at the meeting? May I introduce you to some people here that I know?. These are invitations to a relationship - a hospitable extension that gives you permission to extend yourself and that gives someone else permission to join you.
With all that said, I'm still terrorized by a room of strangers, but when I think of the benefits of diving into the situation, they are infinite. Next time you're at a conference, meeting or social gathering, offer permission. I know I will.
