Angela Verdenius's Blog - Posts Tagged "frustration"

Ryder is killing me. I mean, I just want to hit him. Do I sound drastic? Possibly, but really...

Ryder was never going to be easy. Well, he's easy, we all know he's bedded a goodly number of women, but that's not quite the kind of easy I mean! I mean, he's difficult. He's a chauvinist, he's a playboy, he's funny, and he's a bit of a dick. He's smug and he can be a dummy at times when it comes to feelings and emotions. He's also hot and sexy. But face it, he's still a dick at times.

I'm just sayin'...

As for Dee, she has depths I never imagined. Not that she's a saint (Dee? A saint? Really? *guffaw*). She can be bitchy, hard, and a proverbial ball-buster, but she's got her soft side, and her reasons (for some things. Good reasons. Others are just that she's a ball buster).

It's not easy writing about two characters who are amusing as side characters, yet somehow I have to make them likeable without crushing the very things that make them so interesting. It's a fine line. I believe in making characters true to themselves, I can't just make her all sweet and him all noble, it just won't work. It never has. Characters are like people in reality, they are who they are, there're going to be things people don't like and things they do like. All I can say is that I keep writing, the story keeps unfolding, and I keep wanting to hit Ryder. (sorry, did I just say that last part out loud again?)

I have to say, I suddenly realized the other night that I was up to chapter 6 and I don't quite know how it happened. Chapter 6 already? Did a lot happen? Didn't it? Too much, too little? Do I need to delete something? ARGH!

If nothing else, it's an interesting ride!

So I started Simon's story. And have restarted it several times over. Three pages...over and over...

Give me a freakin' break. He was supposed to be the easy one. THE EASY ONE! I can't get the beginning just right, just won't work...I've almost pounded the keyboard into the floor in frustration.

Really, the first chapter should be done, but is it? No. NO! Simon has featured on all three pages and been deleted several times already. He's just freakin' lucky he doesn't get deleted altogether. If he wasn't such a nice man, he'd be history.

Cripes, I needed to get this off my chest...really... I'm so close to just turning off the computer, grabbing an icy pole (hot day) and flopping on the sofa to watch the last three episodes of Penny Dreadful, but no, my conscious won't let me. I HAVE to get past these three pages and get a decent start.

Oh geez... *pound*pound*pound* there's the fingers on the keyboard...

Oh geez, my website is killing me! It won't upload, I can't make updates to it, it's so frustrating! My host changed to a new company and I've emailed them for help. If I don't get a reply back, I'll have to find a new host, which means having to learn a new system of doing my website - and that takes valuable time from writing!

I was supposed to start Jason's story, and haven't done much with it because I'm fiddling around with the *&%$@! website! But I need this website up and running properly! Luckily, I did most of the updates and changed a few pages to try and make it neater and easier to use, before everything went pear-shaped (and I'm not talking about my body...that's already pear-shaped! ROTFL), so as far as I'm aware, the website looks okay.

ARGH!!!!! Need more Diet Coke! STAT!

So I'm writing Jason's story, or supposed to be. That *&$! twerp has made me start chapter 1 three times already. I should be near the end of chapter 1, not still grappling at the beginning!

Is he hard? No. Is he mean to me? No. So what is it? I DON'T KNOW! Jason is sort of floating around, doing his own thing, watching me. I have the keys of the keyboard imprinted in my forehead from the amount of times I've smacked it down on the keyboard in frustration. Even Evie and Lily stalked off and left me to it because I kept groaning and head smacking and disturbing their beauty sleep (one on the chair, the other in my basket of paper stuff to be shredded later). My delete key is almost worn out.

And behind me, almost next to my ear, I hear this whispered 'tsk tsk tsk'.
Just keep 'tsking' away, Jason, MY FINGER IS ON THE DELETE KEY!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I need more Diet Coke...stat...

So I should be writing instead of playing around on the internet. So why aren't I? Because my stupid *&$! characters are giving me the *^#! whoopsies, that's why!

As usual, my writing is full of ups and downs - hope one second, elation as it comes together, total despair as it flounders and I come to a halt screaming - WHAT? WHAT!? Are you kidding me? Why? Why why WHY?

I have the keys from the keyboard imprinted in my forehead and I've drunk a gallon of Diet Coke trying to write this book. ARGH! Aaron, you're killing me! I've started it so many times, and I'm ... ARGH! It's right there in my grasp, then flicks away.

ARGH!!!!

Did I mention - ARGH!?

Not that I'm giving up. If I'd been going to do that, none of my books would ever have been written.

I've had people say to me - it's easy to write a book. You just sit and bang it out, don't you?

No, I sit and bang the keyboard. With my forehead. Many times. Over and over again. The desk gets its share of my forehead, too.

So why do I torture myself, you might ask? The answer is because I love writing, I love my characters, but there are definitely times when the writing isn't smooth going. There are times when the pages roll, the keyboard clacks merrily, and I slurp Diet Coke happily as the story unfolds. Then there are times when it kicks, starts and stops, nothing seems right, and I slurp Diet Coke sadly as the story does NOT unfold.

Alas...such is the life of a writer... But never fear, I've had my break and whine, I'm going back to shake Aaron around by his shirt front! (If I'm lucky, I'll rip it off). Oops, did I say that out loud?

So Blue's story is killing me. I really thought his would be an easy write. Right? Wrong! When will I ever LEARN?!

*banging forehead on keyboard*

I had the prologue and first chapter done but was having so many problems. I didn't like the stories, the characters were wooden, no one was speaking to me (except Blue, who kept telling me to get a freakin' move on!). I was a mess, looking at the time that has passed with me wrestling him (and if you saw his cover, which I have stuck up on my desktop hutch, you'd know that's not a bad thing!), but wrestling the story and knowing it was...just...well let's be honest - crap!

So last night as I'm gloomily typing away and knowing it wasn't going anywhere, I leaned back and looked at it, and said "That's it. This is ending right now." and I put the whole bit into a special file (labelled 'Tries' but really meaning 'Failure'), and I started again - still with Blue, but a new heroine and a new story-line.

Can I just say that it is now going well? Yes, it has put me behind a lot in regards to my personal deadline, but I honestly cannot work on a book that has no heart. So this new story-line is working so much better, and I'm feeling the characters.

So right now, I'm going to stop here and do a couple of hours on Blue's book before I have to go to work. But at least the story is now flowing!

And if Blue decides to give me more problems later, I have the DELETE key! Just sayin', Blue, just sayin'...