Justin Halpern's Blog, page 2

"Look, we're basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job's to help people shit or fuck, it's not that important, so relax."

"Look, we're basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job's to help people shit or fuck, it's not that important, so relax."

"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."

"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."

"They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole, shitfuck; they're just words...Fine. Shitfuck isn't a word, but you get my point."

"They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole, shitfuck; they're just words...Fine. Shitfuck isn't a word, but you get my point."

"I don't want your advice, you're 27 fucking years old...Fine. I don't want your advice, you're 29 fucking years old."

"I don't want your advice, you're 27 fucking years old...Fine. I don't want your advice, you're 29 fucking years old."

"You seen my cell phone?...What's it look like? Like two horses fucking. It's a phone, son. It looks like a phone."

"You seen my cell phone?...What's it look like? Like two horses fucking. It's a phone, son. It looks like a phone."

"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."

"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."

"It's Los Angeles, son. It's the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They'd fuck you twice if they had another dick."

"It's Los Angeles, son. It's the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They'd fuck you twice if they had another dick."

"I'm not sure you can call that roughing it, son… Well, for one, there was a fucking minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags."

"I'm not sure you can call that roughing it, son… Well, for one, there was a fucking minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags."

"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."

"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."

"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the fuck?"

"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the fuck?"