Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 60
March 5, 2012
the runako morton backlift
Runako Morton only made two impacts on me as a player.
One was that he wasn't very good at Test Cricket.
The other was that he had the most extraordinary backlift.
I remember watching a Test match when he was new to the side, and I couldn't help but like someone who faced up to every ball like his sole aim was to hit it as hard was physically possible.
I can only imagine along the way many people told Runako violently above his head in much the same way you'd see an axman hold it in a horror film wouldn't cut it at international level, but he never changed.
It had two parts, one where he raised the bat to head height, and then another where he cocked it, more like a golfer or baseballer than a cricketer.
It was violent and also nervous, the bat twitched aggressively a bit above his head awkwardly like he knew it all could all go wrong but still wanted to do it anyway.
Runako actually wasn't that bad as an ODI player, but I don't remember that as much.
His backswing in ODIs would have been slightly odd, but not completely out of place.
In Test Cricket it seemed odd even in teams with Brian Lara and Chris Gayle around.
It probably won't happen, but I'd like to think that after his premature death someone makes a statue at him at his home ground and they honour that bizarre aggressive and nervous backlift.
I don't think I'll ever forget watching Runako Morton prepare to face a delivery.
Runako, keep swinging.
March 1, 2012
Misbah Ul Haq: The ancient Astronaut
Geoff Lawson wrote a letter to Dav Whatmore about coaching Pakistan, and so should we all. Here is mine.
Yo Dav,
Misbah Ul Haq isn't one of us.
It's quite obvious really.
If you know anything about paleocontact or ancient astronauts you'll have seen the signs long ago.
Misbah brings the truth:
While other Pakistani cricketers pretend they are actually embryos who have been locked in their mothers womb but only come out for a match day, Misbah doesn't. When asked about why he was so old and yet making a come back he said it was because he was his actual age. His actual age, can any Pakistani cricketer give us more truth than that?
Misbah brings the calm:
The single greatest thing about the Pakistan Cricket team is their flair for craziness. If the entire cricket world was made up of hard working New Zealand players we'd all be watching UFC. The only reason Wrestling is so big in America is because they believe they have to artificially bring in the drama, whereas cricket fans know if you want drama, comedy or even dramedy, you just call Pakistan.
Misbah brings money:
Who invented T20 cricket? Who gives a shit. Without Misbah playing that weird scoop when he had India by the balls, everyone in cricket would be eating left over Maccas and stealing VCRs from their mums house. No man has changed modern cricket more than Misbah. Even if it might have been a bit for the shit.
Misbah brings his eyes:
He may not be the first calm and measured Pakistani, Imran, Inzi and Moyo all flirted with this at times. But they still had Pakistani eyes. And Pakistani eyes (which are nothing like Pathan noses I'm told) can't help but betray all calmness. With Misbah his eyes are lifeless, they're more like LED bike lights than anything resembling human.
Yet even with the calm truthful eyes of Misbah, people want to get rid of him.
No doubt to bring in some over excitable puppy dog captain, or someone else who'll do it for a week before leaving to cobble shoes in Italy. Misbah wins the Test series against the number one side in the world, loses a few ODIs no one could remember while they were watching them and people start to question his leadership. Some don't even question, they just want him out.
That would be a mistake, Dav. Misbah is the man you want, because he isn't even a man. He's an alien. A bloody good one too.
Misbah is an alien who was sent here to guide Pakistan cricket to a better time.
It's probably quite obvious to you, mostly because I doubt if Misbah ever felt truly human to anyone.
Pakistan have tried several humans of recent times, and none of them have been any good. Salman is off churning ice cream in prison. Younis wouldn't deal with anything less than a personal dictatorship. Shahid didn't have enough time to wash his hair during a Test. And Mohammad looked a little confused.
I know Pakistan being lead by a man like Misbah is similar to Shahid Afridi wearing a Sarah Lund sweater, but it works.
Dav, Misbah changed the world, made Pakistan win and is old enough to remember Kirk Cameron not being a fundamentalist fuckwit.
Misbah may not be from our planet, but ask yourself this, does Pakistan Cricket need a Pakistani to lead them, or could they do better with an ancient astronaut?
Peace out,
Jrod
Team Misbah
Fund my film you bastards.
February 29, 2012
Jade's triple bluff
The ball was the perfect length to be sent into orbit.
If a batsman were to place the ball roughly in a spot where a lucky slog to the leg side would win him the game, he would have picked that exact location.
All Misbah-ul-Haq had to do was keep his shape (the commentators love that one now), clear his front leg, use fast hand speed and time the ball for Pakistan to win the match, and series.
Instead Misbah lost his shape, took his eye off the ball and seemed to be playing a different ball to the one that was delivered to him.
It means Misbah is a loser, and Jade Dernbach is a winner.
It takes amazing courage to bowl a back-of-the-hand slower ball for the last ball of the match when a six is required to win. Especially when earlier in the over you've bowled one that made you look like that guy in the nets who only bowls one ball before heading to fielding practice. Dernbach could have bowled a wide, a head high full toss or a long hop, all of which meant he may not have slid across the ground in 1980s dance movie style seconds later.
Dernbach had to know that Misbah would assume he'd try a slower ball. If you asked people what they knew about Dernbach for a Family Feud style show, the only response would be a slower ball, and the question would be edited out of the show.
With that in mind, then, Misbah would know that Dernbach would know that Misbah would be expecting the slower ball. So it's actually possible that Misbah was anticipating the quicker ball.
The quicker ball does make sense. I doubt there were many English fans out there screaming, "come on, Jade, bowl the freakin' slower ball on a good length now". No, when people scream at the end of these matches they want yorkers, especially when a six is needed.
Still, Dernbach held strong, and double, or triple, bluffed Misbah, who could've only fallen over to make the dismissal look more complete.
The winner always looks better in this situation, but had Misbah not lost his shape and swung blindly, people would be saying that Dernbach was an idiot for bowling the exact same ball that now makes him the hero.
It's a fine line between hero and that guy you abuse when you see him at the airport.
Not for Misbah though. Even if he hit a six off the last ball, people would abuse him for his slow strike-rate ensuring that he had to hit a six off the last ball to win.
Oh, that Misbah.
February 28, 2012
Ravi and Chappelli stuck in a lift: a CWB amateur theatre production
RS: Chappelli, it's stuck my friend, jammed in tight, we're going nowhere right now.
IC: I know, Ravi, but Australians don't give up, if Les Favell taught me anything it's to fight until the very end.
RS: It seems that the machine doesn't always work in Australia after all.
IC: You know full well that it's not about the machine, it's about the individual people, and that's what makes Australia great.
RS: Yet here we are, stuck in the elevator, and we may go down without all guns blazing.
IC: I have the utmost respect for Australian engineers to get the job done right, as long as the powers that be just let them get on with doing that job.
RS: Make no mistake about it; I hope you're right. If this were an Indian elevator getting stuck, you'd be claiming we were in third world conditions.
IC: India has changed a lot these days, Ravi.
RS: It's just what the doctor ordered, but your old imperial chums don't always see that.
IC: I have no chums.
RS: You hit the nail on the head there.
IC: Let's just calm down a bit now, I've rung upstairs for assistance.
RS: One just gets the feeling that we may not be able to trust technology in all cases.
IC: Who paid you to say that?
RS: That sets the cat amongst the pigeons.
IC: Look, we need to get together, work hard, and achieve something here.
RS: We're at a crucial stage; it's touch and go.
IC: Holy shit, mate, I think the cable is breaking, we're fucken screwed.
RS: Tracer bullet.
RS: Tracer bullet.
IC: Fuck.
RS: At the end of the day…
February 25, 2012
podding about doag
February 24, 2012
the devil's reject
According to Malcolm Conn, Peter Forest is a New South Wales reject.
And he is. Forrest couldn't cut it at NSW. He had a great start, played for Australia A and was talked about as a potential future player for Australia before he slipped off the radar. Eventually he struggled to even hold a place with NSW.
At some states, a player with his obvious talent might have been given more time, but you don't get long at NSW. You're either the next big thing, comfortable being a well loved but underused back up, or you're out.
In his book, Eddie Cowan refers to the superstar culture there. No other state looks for the next big thing more than NSW, and it means that quality cricketers in average form can be overlooked for a 17-year-old potential once-in-a-generation player. To put it as bluntly as Malcolm Conn might, and slightly misquote the band TISM, "If you're not famous at 20, you're finished".
In recent years Australia has called up John Hastings, Dan Christian, Eddie Cowan, Jason Krejza and even Nathan Lyon. All are NSW rejects. All went through the system there in one way or another. Christian, Cowan and Krejza even played for NSW, before moving to another state. But all were only picked for Australia when they were performing for their new states.
Perhaps they felt more appreciated. Perhaps the coaching systems helped them. Or that their positions weren't in constant jeopardy meant they could relax and played better cricket. But leaving home was a good thing for these players, who all found happy times in their new surroundings.
Hastings looks like he should be bare-knuckle fighting for his salary. Every time you see him on a cricket ground you can hear Tony Greig whisper "broad-shouldered young man". His bowling is steady, clever and efficient. His batting is handy. He has worked hard to become a semi-regular for his country in limited-overs cricket. He's probably never going to be an all time great, but that's okay, few players are. If he recovers from his injuries, well he can become a reasonable player for Australia for a few years. If, like Tim Bresnan, he continues to develop his skills, he could become a very important player for Australia and perhaps even a Test-bowling allrounder.
Hastings left NSW for Victoria. At that time Moises Henriques was going to be cricket's version of the best thing since sliced bread, a genuine allrounder. Henriques could bowl as fast as Hastings, was a realistic middle-order batsman, was younger and was potentially the allrounder that Australia had been looking for since Keith Miller left cricket.
In the five years since Hastings made his debut for Victoria, he has outperformed Henriques consistently. So instead of Henriques fulfilling his potential, he's played three matches for Australia while Hastings has played 14. On pure talent you'd always go for Henriques, but on performances, Hastings is a no brainer.
That's just one obvious case of someone having to leave NSW. The search for a young superstar once led NSW to have Beau Casson and Steve Smith in their line-up ahead of Nathan Hauritz, only for Hauritz to be picked for Australia.
Having NSW rejects looking for a new home makes Shield Cricket stronger as well. Players like Brendon Drew and Aaron O'Brien may never play for their country, but by playing in Shield Cricket they improve its standard. Even below Shield cricket there are many NSW imports around the country strengthening club cricket standards.
Kurtis Patterson is 18 and made 157 on debut in first-class cricket. If that isn't enough to get some fringe-squad batsman to move states, countries, or even galaxies just to get another opportunity, I'm not sure what is.
Forrest has scored his first hundred for Australia. One, there is almost no chance he would have scored if he'd stayed in NSW. He's currently averaging over 50 in his four games. He's not an obvious ODI player, but his talent and current form will mean that before long he may be seen in Tests.
There's no doubt that NSW look towards the future more than any other state side, and Australia have benefitted from that many times. However, it's also good that the other states are willing to give these guys a second chance.
Forrest may never be a superstar Australian player, but he could be a very good one, especially for a reject.
February 21, 2012
The boring early middle overs
You know that point in Test cricket where everyone is enjoying themselves and then suddenly Mike Hussey, Paul Collingwood or Virender Sehwag comes on to bowl the 72nd over. I hate that bit.
I love it when random bowlers come on for a tactical reason. No one can hide their smile when watching Graham Gooch bowl, and angels giggle through giddy excitement every time Sachin bowls his off and legspin. It's fun and different, and makes cricket at any level feel like it's being played in a park.
But it feels like enforced fun gone wrong when in the last eight overs before the new ball anyone is thrown the ball and told they just have to get through their over's as quickly as possible so the real cricket can resume.
Apparently I am on the only one that thinks Michael Hussey hurrying between overs is a bad thing.
The ICC like it so much they have brought it into ODI cricket.
In a random attempt to make sure that the boring middle overs are less boring, the two moveable Powerplays are now being forced between the 15th and 35th overs.
I can see why some in charge would do this. ODI cricket is constantly being airbrushed and changed to make it a little more exciting and marketable. Australia put a pause between innings to make it more exciting domestically, giving the batting a team a chance to bat slowly for the break.
Administrators are looking for a way to make the game just that little bit more exciting. And the second and third Powerplays were being used generally in the least imaginable way by teams around the world.
It's just that no one thought this new move to make the game more exciting would result in Ravi Bopara bowling the 12th over of an ODI, with a ball that is six-overs old.
You've got to admire the game of cricket for its ability to make any potential improvement into a bad thing so quickly.
Today Kevin Pietersen was used in this period.
Some people will see KP's one over as something to be cherished, others will pine for Ravi Bopara.
You can't please everyone.
Dean Jones, Ravi Shastri, Ellyse Perry and a large furry lion
Yes this is about my film, because we need fucken cash, so give us some.
Before I squealed like a pig
We had a real identity crisis in Australia. Fun-time-happy-internet-vodcasters (or as one journalist called it, five minute piss-artists) one minute. Serious-film-makers-trying-to-get-to-the-truth the next.
Some odd stuff happened to us, which included Sam asking Jason Donavan for parking advice, but the Dean Jones / Ravi Shastri cross over was certainly up there.
Inevitably it was all India's fault. For some reason the Indian TV channel NDTV befriended us in Australia; Jaideep and Amitoj were their two main dudes on tour, and when they weren't putting Dean Jones in a silly costume, they were hanging around with us. So it was always a natural fit for Hansie, our Two Chuck mascot (who is fighting for a writer's credit for the film) to appear on NDTV with Professor Deano. We were happy to do it, because Sam and I are natural media whores and we love it when Hansie gets on TV.
The problem was we only had half an hour before we had to do a key interview for the film with Ravi Shastri.
The ever-bullish "Professor Deano", as he made everyone call him when he was dressed up, didn't see this as the problem it quickly became when Australian women's all rounder Ellyse Perry was spotted nearby. Before she knew what was happening she was added to the casting and it was Professor Deano, Ellyse Perry and Hansie. Just when things couldn't get any weirder, we were all kicked out of the ground to shoot outside.
Now we were running around the outside of the SCG looking for a background that looked like the outback. I'm not sure why. I was trying not to think too much about it, in my mind I was preparing for Shastri. But I couldn't do that, as I had to hold Professor Deano's Cricket Australia ID instead.
The small segment consisted of Professor Deano interviewing Hansie and Ellyse before forcing the two of them to play a weird game of cricket which ended with a piece of wood flying around dangerously as Professor Deano screeched into a microphone. It made little sense to anyone watching it, but I am sure NDTV edited it into something special.
Free at last, Sam, Hansie and I ran off into the ground, Sam to the press box to fetch Shastri, and me to got ready with the crew before going to face to face with Shastri again.
A few months earlier we had interviewed him for a podcast on Cricinfo, and it wasn't always pleasant. This time he was standing in front of me. And when Shastri stands in front of you, he really stands over you. The man is just big, with a voice like a foghorn, making you feel like you're standing in front of an impatient transformer.
Even his soundcheck was loud and bombastic.
Halfway through the interview I think Shastri remembered he didn't like me. Suddenly he was so close it felt like he was suddenly on top of me. "Do you have a problem with that?". As I squealed nervously I looked around for support. Anthony (Aka AK, TK, A-Kor, Manthony, TK-Maxx) our cinematographer, isn't stupid – he'd taken several steps back.
Perhaps it was just to fit the imposing figure in the frame, or perhaps it was because when Shastri says what he means, you need serious space between you and him.
It's a shame he hadn't been on our NDTV shoot, I think he would have really enjoyed that.
Give so that we may annoy more Test legends.
Ricky Ponting at the dogs
Ricky Ponting is still playing international cricket. So a testimonial seems like an odd thing to do.
Instead here is a video of Ricky Ponting with Ben Affleck hair and his goatee.
February 12, 2012
How good is Clint McKay?
I've never rated Clint McKay. Never.
Every time I see him on the Australian team sheet I think it's a weakened team. And it goes back farther than that, when he played for Victoria in the old days I felt the same way.
For years I'd be one of seven people in the G watching him for Victoria and telling the other six people that I didn't rate him. Only for one of them to point out that he'd taken 4 for 60.
I should love Clint McKay. I should talk him up in random conversations and wear a t-shirt that just has his face on it. Clint McKay grew up 15 minutes from where I did. We should share a Northern Suburbs of Melbourne bond.
Instead of complaining about him I should be worshipping his head-swaying run-up, fetishizing his good lengths and eagerly anticipating his back of the hand slower ball.
A friend of mine had heard McKay might be their team's overseas player and wanted to know about him. All I had for them was that he was tall and had a good slower ball. I could give them no more information of a guy who I've seen bowl probably 40 times.
To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen McKay not take wickets. But somehow I never seem to remember how he took them. They just appear over and over again.
He's just one of those bowlers who takes wickets. In 18 ODIs, Mckay has 38 wickets at just under 20. That's the sort of numbers that make any sort of preconceived perception sort of irrelevant.
And as I was writing this, he was Australia's only bowler who looked like taking wickets. And then he was the only Australian bowler to be hit on to the cathedral by MS Dhoni, before following up with a waist-high no ball.
I've always felt that when someone hits McKay the ball goes further. He doesn't get hit for small sixes, or gentle fours, people just hit him really hard. That could even be the whole reason I have had this thing against him.
Wickets are good, but everyone remembers the big hits.
That will probably be the case here again. McKay's three wickets were handy, but I'd think more people will talk about how Dhoni almost killed spectators who were over a hundred metres away to win the game.
People are fickle like that.
