Atlantic Monthly Contributors's Blog, page 829

Washington's New Favorite Parlor Game Is Practicing Lies Over Email

Fox News / The Wire

Politico has a new contest challenging readers to come up with the best spin on the latest political tragedy. It's what the ecosystem has been waiting for, a chance to prove itself adept at Washington's most important skill.

Here's how the game works. Every Friday, Politico's Mike Allen includes SPIN THIS! (in the outlet's typically caps-heavy formulation) in his daily email among the dozens of important news items he's carefully culled (today's top three: a good sentence, Gabby Giffords' skydiving, an invitation to a Robert Gates book event). You send in your "take" on the "spin," and, ideally, are rewarded with seeing your title and, secondarily, name in the magazine and Playbook email.

For those unfamiliar, those emails are read everywhere in Washington. They serve as an actual guide for what the city (and its ancillary outposts around TV cameras in New York) will be dealing with for the next 12 hours. It is the country club newsletter of the establishment, though it's mostly read by ambitious visitors and surly waitstaff (like yours truly): lobbyists, staffers, lawyers, reporters, and so on.

Which is what makes SPIN THIS! (patent pending, probably) so skeevy. In some circles, the idea of "spinning" bad things to make them sound good is considered kind of tacky, a representation of what's wrong with D.C. Around the country club, though, it's a fun game! Let's see who is best at doing that thing that most Americans use as a pejorative shorthand for what makes Washington terrible.

So let's see who is. There have been four contests so far, not including today's "flash" SPIN THIS asking "what precise words" Governor Christie should have said "at the top of his 11 a.m. presser."

December 6: If you were Martin Bashir's PR adviser, what would you tell him to say to Sarah Palin?

Winning spin idea: Apologize.

Bashir, you may remember, indirectly suggested that something gross should happen to the former Alaska governor after she compared the national debt to slavery. The best spinner of that was Gene Grabowski, the executive vice president of … a crisis management firm. Which kind of seems like cheating. 

Grabowski's advice: "[I]t’s important that an apology be followed by action. For example, volunteering time or giving a sizable donation to a project or cause related to the error." Give a big donation to a slavery project, Martin. The runner-up was a staffer from the Natural Resources Defense Council who suggested Bashir "cook a gourmet 12-course meal for Palin." Bashir's troublesome comments involved Palin eating human feces.

December 13: Should the White House have said anything about that selfie at Nelson Mandela's funeral?

Winning spin idea: Embrace it.

"Aren’t there REAL world events that need coverage?," Alan DeBaugh (with no occupation listed!) asked. Heather Sabharwal ("special adviser, U.S. Mint Office of Corporate Communications") suggested that White House spokesman Jay Carney compare the taking of a selfie to Mandela himself, who "engendered the best qualities of humanism: compassion, trust, respect. In the same vein, the President shared a moment with his fellow humans."

The winner was a "Playbook reader" named Jeff Bridges who recommended a White House Tumblr of selfies. He won, Mike Allen wrote, "for creativity."

December 20: What should Christie say about the bridge thing?

Winning spin idea: Make a fat joke.

Here was the joke that Rick Kronberg, the no-title guy who won, suggested Christie tell: "I was kind of enjoying this whole imbroglio. For the first time in my political career, I look small." (Christie is overweight.) He continued: "Once he says that, he should be honest." But the actual best answer was this one, from Steve Cohen in West Virginia (with typo left uncorrected):

The gvernor should paint the two Port Authority appointees as his Halderman and Erlichman, then have a bonfire of highway cones on the lawn of Drumthwacket!

Show that to anyone under 30 and ask them to translate it.

January 6: Rep. Trey Radel is back in Washington. What should he say?

Winning spin idea: Talk about coke.

Take it away, Rick Heiken:

Tell the whole story: No spin … just the bare-assed truth. No family portrait scene. Him in a chair in the home he almost wrecked telling how it all happened.

The winning spin is not to spin at all. Very War Games. Heiken also suggested that Radel focus on several key points, leading with "how was he introduced or attracted to the drug?" ("Well, I was at this club.")

Sarah Meyers, the federal affairs manager at Hallmark (yes, that Hallmark) offered the DC-est idea: "Recommend Rep. Trey Radel lobby Netflix for an appearance on House of Cards." 

So. What do we learn from this? One, that "spin" is loosely enough defined in SPIN THIS! to include dad jokes. Two, that when you SPIN THIS you are basically just offering obvious advice. And three, that people who are good enough at spin to win a spin contest held by the voice of the Washington establishment are also smart enough to regularly withhold their titles from publication. Or that those titles don't merit inclusion because they aren't very "D.C." Fun game.

       

Celebrate the 100th Episode of 'Parks and Rec' with Each Character's Best Episode

NBC

Tonight, NBC will air the 100th episode of Parks and Recreation, so to celebrate we made a list of the best (or at least our favorite) episodes highlighting each character. Some of our favorite episodes (the bachelor/bachelorette party episode of season 5, for instance) got left on the sidelines so we could highlight episodes that we thought showed off the most perfect iteration of a particular character. (And, we decided to focus only on current regulars, sorry Brendanawicz.)

Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler)

"The Debate" (Season 4) It makes sense that "The Debate" would be such a good episode for Leslie: it was both written and directed by Amy Poehler. In a way, it's really just Leslie at her best. Going up against Paul Rudd's himbo Bobby Newport, Leslie is fierce and smart, and just a tiny bit crazy. 

April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza)

"Hunting Trip" (Season 2) "Hunting Trip" is superb for a number of reasons, but while Ron is getting shot in the head, April is falling for Andy. Aubrey Plaza is so good at being sullen, but when she lets her guard down it's perfectly delightful. 

Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott)

"The Comeback Kid" (Season 4) Bless this episode for giving us Ben's Letters to Cleo t-shirt and an exploration into his love of calzones and his attempts at claymation. Ben at his saddest—he left his job to be with Leslie—is also Ben at his nerdiest. 

Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones)

"The Fight" Unfortunately, it's a sad fact of Parks that good Ann episodes are few and far between. "The Fight" is a stellar episode for everyone in the cast—we get Burt Macklin and Janet Snakehole—but it's also one of the best episode to document Ann and Leslie's friendship. Leslie's pushes Ann to apply for a City Hall job. Ann goes out drinking instead of preparing. They get into a big messy, sloppy fight. Ann dances with the Douche (Nick Kroll). It's the best Ann's ever been.

Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari)

"Soulmates" (Season 3) Tom's had some fairly strange relationships over the course of the show—I'm still choosing to ignore the Tom-dates-Ann plot—but the concept of Leslie being matched up with Tom on an only dating site yields pure Haverford idiocy. Mainly though, we're choosing this as the Tom episode because it includes his great monologue about what he calls foods. 

Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt)

"Greg Pikitis" (Season 2) There are definitely sweeter Andy episodes out there, but this one is all of Andy's bravado and pratfalls as he tries to catch evil kid Greg Pikitis in a lie to help Leslie. Bravado and pratfalls Andy is the best Andy. 

Donna Meagle (Retta)

"Pawnee Rangers" (Season 4) This is the "treat yo self" episode, and the "treat yo self" episode is perfect Donna. 

Jerry Gergich (Jim O'Heir)

"Sweet Sixteen" (Season 4) Of course Jerry gets left behind for his own birthday party. And of course he's found taking a bubble bath with a glass of red wine. 

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman)

"Ron and Tammys" (Season 4) Ron is at his best when he's resisting weakness. Sometimes that's in the form of sickness. Often its in the case of his ex-wives, the Tammys. Some may prefer the wild sex-crazed Ron brought about by Tammy Two, but the neutered Ron brought about by Tammy One, is perhaps even better. Also, Patricia Clarkson. 

Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe)

"Flu Season" (Season 3) This episode came early on in Chris' time in Pawnee, but it was proof of just what a great addition Rob Lowe would be to the show. The episode, in which members of the parks team are stricken with the flu, has all of the Traeger hallmarks—the hyperactivity, the pointing—but also, hilariously, shows him when his defenses are down. That "stop pooping" line is pure joy. 

 

       

We Wrote Outkast's Coachella Setlist So They Don't Have To

Outkast, in stankier days (2004). (REUTERS)

You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather. That's gospel. 

Sure, well: Coachella is about to try. The festival has booked Outkast, lifting Big Boi and André 3000 surreptitiously out of a long winter hibernation and plopping them on a stage in the middle of the Colorado Desert. You might have been skeptical (and so have we), but hey—stankier things have happened.  

So we're planning our own picnic. Here's what the 'kast's first reunion setlist should look like.

1. "Gasoline Dreams" (from Stankonia)

A'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right, a'right. *clears throat* 

It can only start here. Stankonia's opening cut is a smoldering explosion of squealing funk, Hendrixian guitars, and rants about drug wars and pollution. It's the sort of party-starter that overturns the party that's been happening thus far and lights it on fire. 

2. "Bowtie" (from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)

This is why they call Big Boi the Gangsta Mack. Did you know they call him that? Apparently they call him that. He says so in this song. This Speakerboxx cut is as funky as any song that references "gators creeping, crawling oh-so-wicked across that floor" ought to be; it'll keep them bouncing.

3. "Player's Ball" (from Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik)

If André and Antwan are serious about bringing it way back, there will be no excuse for not dropping this 1993 nostalgia bomb. This is the only Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik cut that's really needed, and it'll sufficiently take things down a notch before... 

4. "Morris Brown" (from Idlewild)

...that is, before the entire Morris Brown College Marching Wolverines shuffle onstage along with guest vocalists Scar and Sleepy Brown to nail the hyperkinetic marching band banger that makes the otherwise spotty Idlewild soundtrack worth owning. Big Boi winks on the "And everybody wanna know what really goin' on / Is you and 3000 still makin' songs?" couplet.

5. "?" (from Stankonia)

We're pretty sure this aggressively strange, interlude-length 'Dré tantrum has never been performed live. But it's a fine opportunity for André to prove he hasn't lost his emceeing skills in his years away from the game (if his "Pink Matter" verse hasn't already done as much), and what's the point of an Outkast reunion if it isn't going to get weird?

6. "Shutterbugg" (from Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty)

Big Boi brought a hefty number of Outkast songs (or medleys) along for his tour in 2010, so we're sneaking this solo number into the set while André takes a deserved breather, nibbling his lightly salted vegan hush puppies or doing whatever on God's earth it is that André 3000 does backstage. 

7. "Aquemini" (from Aquemini) 

Another oldie, and another opportunity for André to resurrect his rhyming chops. The title, by the way, signifies the joining of André and Big Boi's Zodiac signs—Aquarius + Gemini = Aquemini—and with a chorus like "Nothing is for sure / Nothing is for certain / Nothing lasts forever / But until they close the curtain / It's him and I, Aquemini," this is practically the soundtrack for the reunion that we so badly want to believe is true.

8. "So Fresh, So Clean" (from Stankonia)

Duh. Can we formally request that Justin Bieber make a cameo onstage for the "I love who you are, love who you ain't / You're so Anne Frank / Let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks" bit?

9. "Ms. Jackson" (from Stankonia)

On second thought we really wouldn't mind if Outkast just performed Stankonia in its entirety in sequence. We also wouldn't mind if a full chorus of bulldogs materializes onstage for the "You say it's puppy love / We say it's full-grown" barks. 

10. "Happy Valentine's Day" (from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)

It's an Outkast track in name only, but it signifies the best of The Love Below's deliriously horny Prince tributes, and with the right lineup of live instrumentalists and backup singers on hand, that climax would be delicious in a festival setting.  

11. "ATLiens" (from ATLiens)

No, we didn't forget 1996's ATLiens exists. We just think it works better as a single album rather than a handful of live selections. No matter—the gently intergalactic title track served as a primer on Organized Noize's production chops, and is there anything more nineties than that "Throw ya hands in the ay-errr" chorus?

12. "The Whole World" (from Big Boi and Dre Present...Outkast)

Before Killer Mike even dropped his debut in 2003, he was guesting on 'kast tracks. We're shipping him out to Indio to reprise his verse on "The Whole Word," the then-new track worth remembering from 2001's Big Boi and Dre Present compilation.

13. "Rosa Parks" (from Aquemini)

Aquemini's most recognizable single drew the ire of Rosa Parks herself when it arrived in 1998. It's also got a hell of a harmonica solo and a southern-fried acoustic loop that's almost stupidly suited to an outdoor festival setting.

14. "The Way You Move" (from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)

Okay, fine. Happy now?

15. "Mainstream" (from ATLiens)

We're taking the set's closing arc in a moody direction, so here's a deep cut. Is this one even possible? Guest star Khujo is a member of Goodie Mob, but who on earth is T-Mo and what has he been up to since ATLiens and how might we pluck him out of the wilderness of 1996 and onto a stage in Indio, California? This wouldn't be a fantasy set without a few fantasies.

16. "SpottieOttieDopaliscious" (from Aquemini)

Five horn instrumentalists mosey onstage for this wide-eyed slow groove as André chronicles the duo's erstwhile exploits at Atlanta's Charles Disco and Hollywood Courts and the sun sets over the Coachella Valley and ten thousand stoned hipsters stare wide-eyed into the night, cursing that there's no Instagram filter to capture the dulcet tones of Sleepy Brown's pipes.

17. "B.O.B." (from Stankonia)

Stankonia's only flaw, including its draggy final third, is pacing. Put simply: how do you plop "B.O.B."—the freakiest, funkiest, maybe best rap song of the millennium—in the middle of a record and expect anything to follow it?

We're righting that wrong. "B.O.B." closes the set. Big Boi could pull a "We Didn't Start the Fire" and update the lightning-speed political and cultural references for the near-decade the duo's been away. But maybe we'd rather he not. And don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang.

Yes, we left off "Hey Ya!" Get over it. This is Coachella, not your 2004 Bar Mitzvah.

       

Would Bridgeghazi Make a Better 'Scandal' or 'Good Wife' Episode?

CBS/ABC

One of the best things about 2014 so far is that we can have a fun, real debate as to whether political stories would be better on The Good Wife or Scandal — here are our arguments as to whether Chris Christie and Bridgeghazi would be better in the hands of Olivia Pope or Alicia Florrick. Both shows are hitting their stride this season with the introduction of new characters, like Scandal's Lisa Kudrow, and in The Good Wife's case, lighting everything we knew and all that was sacred on fire. 

Now, for your amusement, our arguments on which show should bring Bridgeghazi to life: 

Be Serious, "Bridgeghazi" Is Already a Good Wife Episode

For one thing, and not to get too pedantic about it, but is this story about a Governor or a President? It's about a Governor. So isThe Good Wife. So you can easily slot in Alicia's underhanded husband and Illinois governor Peter (Chris Noth) as the beleaguered/retaliatory politician in this case. Peter's administration is already rife with ethics concerns. That's why the show brought on awful actress Melissa George to play a deeply strange ethics advisor. 

Also, can you imagine how much fun Eli Gold (Alan Cumming) would have in this storyline? Not "fun" from his perspective, probably, but it's always good TV to have Eli running around Chicago wondering who did what to deep-six the Governor's political career. The Good Wife can initially play it like Peter really didn't have any idea any kind of traffic-blocking schemes were going on, and Eli can hire Kalinda (Archie Panjabi) to investigate the possible guilty party. 

This story is also  bursting with guest-starring possibilities, and no show on television (sorry, Scandal) does better with guest stars than The Good Wife. Imagine the possibilities! Amy Morton as the mayor of a small Illinois town whose refusal to support Peter may have led to retribution. James Marsden as an ambitious Florrick staffer who gets thrown under the bus to save face for the administration. Will Gardner (Josh Charles) stepping in to represent Marsden in his wrongful termination lawsuit against Peter. Florrick/Agos wanting to represent Peter but realizing they have about eighteen different conflicts of interest, so they hire the dream team of Nancy Crozier (Mamie Gummer), Patti Nyholm (Martha Plimpton), and Louis Canning (Michael J. Fox) to step in and join the defense team. It'd be like the Good Wife/Road Rules Challenge. In short: perfection. —JR

That's Nonsense, "Bridgeghazi" Would Be Better on Scandal

It's hard to make out what Chris Christie says in Olivia's office. The television is in the other room. "Traffic study ... 8:45 ...work out ... blow-dry candidate ... 8:45? Is that when he finished?" Bridget thinks, trying to calculate exactly how many hours it took before the the governor of New Jersey fired her and ruined her life, her career, her ....

"Bridget." Olivia says, with force. Bridget stiffens, straightens her coat. Olivia's office is cold. She's still wearing her coat. She's usually warm.

AP

"Do you want to survive this Bridget? Do you want your career to survive? Then let me do my job," Olivia Pope says, her face sharpening into a glare. Bridget nods. 

"You." Olivia says, looking at the stick-thin woman in a North Face fleece in the corner—Bridget's assistant. 

"Cheryl."

"Cheryl. I need you to go Bridget's apartment. We need one grey suit. Charcoal not taupe. Taupe isn't serious. We need one blue suit. Navy. One black suit. Pencil skirt. White shirts. Crisp. Three pairs of shoes. Heels. Not kitten heels. We need heels that demand respect. Underwear. Lots of underwear. A toothbrush. Hers. Cheryl?"

"Yes."

"Can you do this Cheryl?"

"Go." Olivia says. The hot on Cheryl's face has turned her red as she bolted out of the room. 

"Liv. I don't think she ..." Abby yells, her disembodied voice sneaking into the room during Cheryl's departure.

Olivia slams the door.

"Bridget, if you want me to my job and save your career, I need to know everything. From the beginning. I'm listening"

Cue: The O'Jays's "For The Love of Money", roll title credits and fade into a commercial. 

My slap-dash fan fiction aside, the point is that "Bridgeghazi" is perfect for Scandal. Let's be clear: Scandal might not be a better show than The Good Wife, its actors might not be better, and it might not be as intelligent. But it is the perfect show for a political scandal like "Bridgeghazi."

Part of that is due to the show's structure and the way this scandal has played out. For the past few seasons, The Good Wife has shined when the topic isn't about the scandals or politics. No one cares about Grace being a politician's hot daughter, or Zach working on the campaign trail, Diane Lockhart's Republican husband, or Maddie Hayward. Oof, rest in peace Maddie Hayward.  

The point is: The Good Wife writers have had tried and flung plenty of politics-driven stories at the wall, and none have stuck. How exactly would they approach Bridgeghazi? What legal angle would they take?  Wrongful termination? No. Manslaughter of the 91-year-old lady? Nope. 

On the other hand, the most riveting parts of Scandal (aside from watching Kerry Washington gulp down red wine) are when Olivia Pope gets a new client. Remember what a breath of fresh air it was to see Josie Marcus (Lisa Kudrow) join this season? We got to see the fast-talking, strategizing Olivia Pope drop the Fitz stuff for a second get to work, name-check journalists like Diane Sawyer, and set the table for speeches like Kudrow's "the night, the lights went out in Georgia-esque" speech.

Bridget doesn't need a speech. She might not even make it to the end of the episode. But the point is, Bridget finding her way to Olivia Pope and Associates would let us see of how the sausage (okay, well the Shonda Rhimes version of the sausage) is made. And it's exciting — much more exciting than The Good Wife. —AAS

Full Disclosure: Alex hasn't fully finished the first season of House of Cards, and that show is possibly a better fit for all this nonsense than these two.

       

Computer Algorithm Can Tell If Your Lousy Book Will Sell or Not

REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

To the horror of readers everywhere, computer scientists have developed an algorithm they say can predict the commercial viability of a book, with an 84 percent success rate, based solely on the style in which the book is written. 

According to the study, "Success with Style: Using Writing Style to Predict the Success of Novels," by Stony Brook University's Vikas Gajingunte Ashok, Song Feng and Yejin Choi, whether or not a book will sell can be determined by several quantifiable factors that do not include the actual quality of the work. They write: 

Based on novels over several different genres, we probe the predictive power of statistical stylometry in discriminating successful literary works, and identify characteristic stylistic elements that are more prominent in successful writings. Our study reports for the first time that statistical stylometry can be surprisingly effective in discriminating highly successful literature from less successful counterpart[s], achieving accuracy up to 84%. 

To measure success, the researchers relied heavily on how often a book is downloaded from Project Gutenberg, which offers tens of thousands of free eBooks. Looking only at how each work's linguistic style was correlated to its level of success, the researchers reached a number of conclusions about which types of words boost — or hinder — book sales.

They looked at books in several genres including adventure, detective/mystery, fiction, historical fiction, romance and science fiction, and found that, generally, novels rich in prepositions, nouns, pronouns and adjectives sell better than tomes full of adverbs, verbs and interjections. So you'd be more likely to pay for this sentence: 

The chair that was the subject of Adam's lecture was a beautiful chair. 

than this one: 

"What a chair!" yelped Adam - who was doing a nervous jig while wringing his hands - as he began to lecture. 

Even though the latter is clearly a superior sentence. 

Unfortunately, the authors found that classically 'good' writing doesn't mean commercial success:

Closer analyses lead to several new insights into characteristics of the writing style in successful literature, including findings that are contrary to the conventional wisdom with respect to good writing style and readability. 

Most experts tell writer to use verbs (which appear on the "does not sell" list) in our writing because they guide us away from the dreaded passive voice — a practice best-seller buyers apparently don't care about.

Maybe the fact that good grammar doesn't sell explains why LOLcats used to be so popular, or why "Doge" exists. Or maybe we're just too smart for clear writing, as the authors postulate: "We conjecture that the conceptual complexity of highly successful literary work might require syntactic complexity that goes against readability." Judging by the complexity of that last sentence, we certainly hope so. 

The researchers also determined that some specific words are more prevalent in successful novels. They look at words in adventure books as an example: 

Less successful [adventure] books rely on verbs that are explicitly descriptive of actions and emotions (e.g., "wanted", "took", "promised", "cried", "cheered" etc.) while more successful books favor verbs that describe thought-processing (e.g., "recognized", "remembered"), and verbs that serve the purpose of quotes and reports (e.g. "say"). Also, more successful [adventure] books use discourse connectives and prepositions more frequently, while less successful books rely more on topical words that could be almost cliche, e.g. "love", typical locations, and involve more extreme (e.g., "breathless") and negative words (e.g., "risk"). 

At least we don't buy clichés.

Luckily for literary agents and book publishers, the algorithm isn't totally foolproof. It incorrectly predicted the fate of some classics, like Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea — which the program thought would fail. So cheer up, young writers. Just because your unpublished masterwork is a clearly-written, action-word-packed bildungsroman about a young man coming to terms with his Tourette Syndrome, doesn't mean you should give up on a lucrative literary career just yet. 

       

North Korea Nixes Reunions Between Families Divided by Korean War

Bang Yoon-deok, 83, who said he has family members living in North Korea, weeps at the administration office for separated families in the Red Cross building in Seoul, August 27, 2013. (REUTERS/KIM HONG-JI)

North Korea said it won't allow divided elderly family members in the DPRK and South Korea to meet for a reunion, after having been separated for more than 60 years by the Korean War. The decision was surprising rejection of a proposal by South Korean President Park Geun-hye to resume the practice, that has been a key part of any reconciliation plans between the two nations. 

According to The New York Times, roughly 22,000 people participated in 18 sanctioned reunions between 1985 and 2010 when ties between the nations grew tense. Last September, North Korea indicated that it would agree to hold more such reunions again before walking back the claim.

Park announced the recent proposal, as well as a concurrent offer of humanitarian aid for the North, in her first news conference as president last year. It was a move that signified a slight retreat from previously aggressive stance against the North's constant agitation. But the effort was not enough to convince Pyongyang to agree to the reunions, according to The Washington Post: 

North Korea said that Park had made a “good offer,” but one that belied the South’s “present stance of confrontation.” ...

The North also criticized the South for a series of unremarkable offenses, ones that include “indiscreet” comments from “media, experts and even authorities” and a recent speech from Park that touched on the North’s weapons program and leadership turmoil. 

Park had hoped the meetings could take place around the lunar new year, which falls on January 31. North Korea said the season was not right for the meetings, suggesting that it won't have time to prepare, but that it would consider allowing the reunions at a later date, possibly after the South's scheduled war exercises. The North stipulated, however, that it would only consider allowing the reunions if talks start about reopening a joint tourism program at North Korea's Diamond Mountain resort, defunct since North Korean soldiers shot and killed a South Korean tourist there in 2008. South Korea said that condition could prove problematic. 

This rejection is considered mild by North Korean standards, which typically brandishes outlandish threats — like telling South Korea it will "strike mercilessly without notice," turn a South Korean island into a "large graveyard," or warn the U.S. it will be plagued with a "horrible disaster," and so on — and could actually be a sign that North Korea is interested in repairing ties with the South. Someday.

Supreme North Korean leader Kim Jong-un's violent rhetoric and rash decisions to sever ties with the South in the last year have already heavily burdened the North's economy. When Kim ordered the five-month shuttering of Kaesong, an industrial park jointly operated by the North and the South, his poverty-stricken country was robbed of an essential source of income. 

Currently, around 73,000 South Koreans — roughly 36,500 of them over 80 years old — are currently on the reunion waiting list, hoping to reconnect with siblings, children and parents they have not seen in decades. Many of them cannot afford to wait much longer.

       

Sanctimonious Sportswriters Sanctimoniously Debate Who Belongs in the Hall of Sanctimony

Miami Herald reporter and ESPN host Dan Le Batard just earned himself a lifetime ban from voting on baseball's Hall of Fame membership, for an act that was either wildly heroic or arrogantly self-serving, depending on who you ask.

Le Batard was revealed yesterday as the secret member of the Baseball Writers of Association of America who "sold" his Hall of Fame ballot to the website Deadspin, who let their readers choose the names he would submit for consideration. The stunt was orchestrated by Deadspin (who did not pay Le Batard any money) as an attempt to inject some "anarchy" into the voting process, and as a protest against the self-righteous grandstanding of many of the BBWAA's voters.

But just as he shined a light on the the "avalanche of sanctimony" among baseball Hall of Fame voters, critics in turn accused Le Batard, Deadspin, and their supporters of being even more "sanctimonious." But who is the more sanctimonious? Like the Hall of Fame itself, the qualifications are entirely subjective and open to debate, even if Merriam-Webster's definition ("pretending to be morally better than other people") isn't. Here are the potential inductees to the Hall of Sanctimony.

Dan Le Batard The ballot, signed by Le Batard (via Deadspin).

The sports columnist, national radio host, and ESPN talking head has borne the brunt of the scorn for violating the sacred responsibility of his office. With as much power and as big an audience as almost anyone else in sports media, why couldn't he have just advocated for his position publicly, without privately undermining the process? Because He loves the attention, of course.

Jon Heyman of CBS Sports delivered that first passive-aggressive charge, refusing to even name Le Batard as he condemned his decision:

Shame on the santimonious attention seeker who turned his vote over to a website. #sad

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeymanCBS) January 8, 2014

Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal took aim at the ESPN host as well. "If Le Batard no longer wanted to vote, he could have resigned from the BBWAA and spared us his sanctimony," he wrote. "Insulting. Pointless. Stupid," chimed in Gregg Doyel of CBS Sports.

Even his crotchety coworkers at ESPN criticized the vote decision. On Pardon The Interruption, the debate show that Le Batard frequently guests hosts, Mike Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser called the selling of his vote "massively lame" and "egotism run amok," respectively.

"It's so sanctimonious for Le Batard to offer up this garbage," Wilbon said, "because when you have a radio show that is now national, a television show that's national every day, you write columns ... You have a voice, a big fat voice, that can reach everyone. Don't tell me that the process is flawed. Lobby for what you believe in."

Baseball Writers' Association of America

The journalists in the BBWAA who lord over Cooperstown's gates are the real villains here, as Le Batard's protest was clearly meant to show. “I don’t like how they do business over at the Hall of Fame,” Le Batard said on his ESPN2 show, “where they’re sitting there and they’re being sanctimonious and they’re keeping all the steroid guys out.”

After all, plenty of BBWAA voters have used their ballots to make symbolic gestures over the years. Earlier this week, L.A. Dodgers beat reporter Ken Gurnick revealed that he refuses to vote for anyone at all "who played during the period of PED use," an undefined time period that includes hundreds of players who never been accused, let alone caught, using any banned substances. (The one guy he did vote for, Jack Morris, clearly played at least part of his career in that period.)

thank you to @Deadspin for jerking the knees of the sanctimony machine of the @officialBBWAA and reminding me why i got out of sportswriting

— chris roberts (@cbloggy) January 9, 2014

Some writers are even turning on each other.

What a moronic, SANCTIMONIOUS statement. RT @JonHeymanCBS Shame on the santimonious attention seeker who turned his vote over to a website.”

— Jeremy Repanich (@racefortheprize) January 8, 2014

Radio host Tony Bruno sided against the BBWAA as well.

Funny that @LeBatardShow gets ripped for giving his ballot away to @Deadspin but other moronic writers piss away votes with sanctimony.

— Tony Bruno (@TonyBrunoShow) January 8, 2014

Deadspin

While gleefully mocking the staid mainstream baseball media, Deadspin readers turned in a Hall of Fame card that would have been completely uncontroversial, and mirrored the overall results of the vote. That ironic difference — vocal criticism followed by completely safe and sedate choices — struck some as a bit of hypocrisy. "Certainly Deadspin got to be a part of the mainstream media’s process while still keeping it’s outsider’s bravado," Yankees blogger Chad Jennings wrote.

Should a website willing to post almost any salacious gossip it can get its hands on really tell the BBWAA how to do its business? The whole thing reminded Tom Haudricourt of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel of attention-seeking.

@PoaPratensis I think it's safe to say that both Lebatard and Deadspin were in it for the publicity. I will leave it at that.

— Tom (@Haudricourt) January 8, 2014

Everyone

Like baseball's Hall of Fame ballots, you can vote for all three contestants to join the Hall of Sanctimony if you so choose.

This Dan Lebatard/Deadspin scandal is a marvel to watch. Sanctimonious attention seekers labelling someone a sanctimonious attention seeker

— Dan Bryant (@DanBryantSW4) January 9, 2014

This @lebatardshow BBWAA "controversy" is so thoroughly soaked in sanctimony & melodramatic moralizing, it appears straight out of @TheOnion

— Don Pascual Rebollo (@Don_Rebollo) January 9, 2014

In the end, there's only one way to escape the entire debate.

If you're a baseball fan and you muted all tweets with the word 'sanctimonious' this week- then your timeline has been pretty barren.

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) January 9, 2014

       

Congress Is Majority Millionaire

Associated Press

For the first time in history, a majority of the members of Congress are millionaires. According to Open Secrets' analysis of financial disclosure data, 268 of 534 current members of Congress had an average net worth of $1 million or more in 2012. Open Secrets calls this "a watershed moment at a time when lawmakers are debating issues like unemployment benefits, food stamps and the minimum wage, which affect people with far fewer resources, as well as considering an overhaul of the tax code."

We've always known that certain members of Congress are wealthy. Rep. Darrell Issa, for example, had an average net worth of about $464 million in 2012. But now, even fewer representatives and senators can reasonably relate to the middle class, not to mention citizens living in poverty. For what it's worth, there are slightly more wealthy Democrats in Congress than Republicans. Congressional Dems' median net worth was $1.04 million in 2012; Republicans' was $1 million. 

The poorest members of Congress are Rep. David Valdao, who's in debt due to loans for his family dairy farm, and Rep. Alcee Hastings, who's in debt over legal bills dating back to the 1980s. 

Of course, most of congressional members' wealth comes from investments and book deals, not government salaries. As Open Secrets illustrates, GE is the most popular investment among congressional members. 

Meanwhile, Congress has yet to reinstate benefits for the long-term unemployed, which lapsed just before the new year. The Senate may reach a deal today to extend benefits for 1.4 million Americans, Reuters reports. 

       

The Third Act of 'Gone Girl' Will Be Totally Different in the Movie

Entertainment Weekly

If you didn't like Gone Girl's highly unsettling ending, you are likely in luck: author Gillian Flynn, who adapted her own novel for the screen, devised a new third act for the David Fincher-directed film. 

Flynn revealed as much in the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (coming to us via The Film Stage). Apparently, Ben Affleck, who plays a man who is implicated when his wife Amy goes missing, was just as surprised as you might be. "Ben was so shocked by it," Flynn said. "He would say, ‘This is a whole new third act! She literally threw that third act out and started from scratch.’"  

Now, we're not going to spoil Flynn's twisty note, but let's just say it ends on a very unconventional note, one that's completely chilling, but also completely in keeping with the tone of the rest of her novel. On screen it might also seem too, well, unfinished. (At /FILM Germain Lussier wrote: "I remember thinking, "'Audiences are going to be so pissed if David Fincher‘s movie ends this way.'") Despite some wacky casting—Neil Patrick Harris! Tyler Perry!—we have every reason to believe David Fincher can do something splendid with Flynn's dark tale, and we just have to put our faith in Flynn herself that the rewrites are for the better. 

 

       

Your Boss Is Happier Than You

Publicity still from The Office

New research from Pew Social Trends says that you have been right for all of these years: Your boss is happier than you are. And in everything, by the way. This isn't just "oh, I have more control at work and so my job is better" or "I make more money, that's great" — your boss likes his or her (probably his, Pew suggests) family better than you like yours, too.

The numbers. On the graph below, the blue bars are the precentage of bosses (a self-identified 16 percent of respondents) who said they were very satisfied with various things. The red bars are how you, the common man or woman did. As you feared:

All of your other stereotypes are fulfilled, too. Bosses ("top managers" in Pew's formulation) are more likely to be Republican (53 percent to 37 percent). They're more likely to describe themselves as conservatives. And they are a group in which there are more men, more white people, and more people from the Baby Boomer generation.

The age gap between bosses and workers — about eight years, on average — plays a role in the higher position and increased salary. Those salaries are probably why bosses tend to be happier: "about half of all bosses and top managers (54%) have household incomes of $75,000 or more, compared with only about a third (32%) of other employees." And bosses are about half as likely to be looking for another job.

Regular people win in one respect, though: a slight plurality of people would rather not become a boss. Who needs all that happiness and money? That's not what the American dream is about.