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A Guide to All the Silliness on the Golden Globes Red Carpet

The Golden Globes are about a group of foreign press honoring the best in film and television: they are also about red carpet ridiculousness. Here we are compiling some tonight's most insane moments. We'll update as the night goes on. 

The Flood

We've already covered the leak that turned the red carpet into a sloppy mess—it is now being reported as a sprinkler mishap—one thing is certain: Ryan Seacrest was concerned. 

Could be bad for long gowns #eredcarpet pic.twitter.com/mdhc58xrlk

— Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) January 12, 2014

Meanwhile, our Joe Reid came up with the perfect joke. 

If this flood keeps up. I'm liking Kate Winslet's chances. Leo, not so much.

— joereid (@joereid) January 12, 2014

Jemima Kirke's Date

The man who arrived with Girls' Jemima Kirke clearly had his own interpretation of the formal wear necessary for a red carpet appearance. He's wearing a Nets hat and jeans. 

Best dressed so far is DEFINITELY Jemima Kirke's boyfriend. #GoldenGlobes pic.twitter.com/jvKzXeeeti

— V.F. HOLLYWOOD (@vfhollywood) January 12, 2014

Jemima Kirke's #GoldenGlobes date is dressed EXACTLY like I'd expect Jemima Kirke's #GoldenGlobes date to dress pic.twitter.com/5vLoTRElUV

— Jarett Wieselman (@JarettSays) January 12, 2014

Elisabeth Moss' Middle Finger

Mad Men star and our new favorite person Elisabeth Moss did to E!'s mani cam—a camera to show off your manicure—what we all wish we could do to E!'s mani cam: she gave it the middle finger. The camera, unfortunately, cut away before the full expression of the gesture, and Giuliana Rancic had a brief heart attack. 

Ryan Seacrest's flubs

Seacrest, the red carpet's monstrous overlord, flubbed when talking to The Wolf of Wall Street stars. His verbal gymnastics made Jonah Hill ask: "Do you speak English?" Then, he forgot he had met co-star Margot Robbie, forcing her to remind him: "Ryan, we met in Argentina in the gym." He also may have spit on Bradley Cooper. 

Blanchett's Bono Quip

Cate Blanchett may be winning for the quippiest star of the night. When crossing paths with Bono on her way to be interviewed by Seacrest she said: "your first album was really good." Then there was some banter with Leonardo DiCaprio she said something to the extent of "save my ass," and then something else that we couldn't quite understand. Cast your guesses on Twitter. 

Diddy's Tutorial 

It's not quite red carpet, but via the Huffington Post's Christopher Rosen we've learned that over on Instagram Diddy is giving a tutorial on how to get ready for the Globes.

He writes: "For the next hour I'm giving a tutorial on how to get ready for the Golden Globes. These here are cucumber patches flown in from Milan. I know it looks crazy, but nobody said perfection was easy." 

E!'s Not So Fun Facts

Adam B. Vary at BuzzFeed noted that E!'s "fun facts" aren't really fun. For instance, when Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson's. 

this is in no way a FUN fact pic.twitter.com/uJ9zSVuEwy

— Amanda Lucci (@alucci) January 12, 2014

Hence, a meme was born.

This IS a fun fact! pic.twitter.com/3Jq45rXxjP

— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) January 13, 2014

J-Law photobombed T-Swift's Seacrest interview

J-Law is still working on building her credentials as everyone's favorite person ever: she intruded on T-Swift's Seacrest interview. Lawrence then talked to Swift about texting her about the CMA's. During her own interview a likely very expensive piece of jewelry fell off of Lawrence. She's just like us! But not. 

Emma Thompson's Run

Emma Thompson running down the red carpet shoeless is the best.

 

       

71st Golden Globe Awards Liveblog

NBC

9:33 EST: Seth Meyers, Julie Bowen, and Julie Bowen's truly strange color-blocked gown are here to present. But first, they offer to debase themselves to the HFPA

Best Actor in a Television Series Comedy

Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parson, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Predicted Winner:  Michael J. Fox

Actual Winner: Andy Samberg! "Best night ever," says Seth, a proud SNL papa. Andy slaps fives with Will Forte on the way, so there's kind of a theme happening. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is such a great show, everybody, you should be watching.

9:31 EST: Laura Dern is here! And she does have the We Don't Live Here Anymore auburn hair like I'd heard! She's presenting the clip for Nebraska, which is beyond perfect, since she's an Alexander Payne alum from the Citizen Ruth days, and she's also Bruce Dern's daughter. So they know each other because of that.

9:28 EST: Emma Thompson emerges with her heels in her right hand and a martini in her left. As a former Best Screenplay winner, she's the perfect choice to present that award here. Well, that and she IS perfect, really.

Best Screenplay

Spike Jonze, Her
Bob Nelson, Nebraska
Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope, Philomena 
John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave
David O. Russell and Eric Warren Singer, American Hustle

Predicted Winner: David O. Russell and Eric Warren Singer, American Hustle

Actual Winner: Spike Jonze. Wow! Legit surprise! He shouts out to Megan Ellison a couple times, plus thanks David O. Russell for helping him along the way. He always seems so genuinely happy to be able to thank all the people who helped him get a movie done. And he gets a big Emma Thompson hug at the end, so what could be better.

9:21 EST: Christoph Waltz is here to present Best Supporting Actor, almost certainly just to hear him pronounce Daniel Bruhl's name. 

Best Supporting Actor in a Film

Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips
Daniel Bruhl, Rush
Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave
Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Predicted Winner: Jared Leto

Actual Winner: Jared Leto. He does NOT look at his statue and ask "Why are you like that? Like how you are?" so minus a million points. He does manage to brag about his "tiny little Brazilian bubble butt" in the movie, and then to talk about getting a full-body wax (again name-dropping Brazil). "And to the Rayons of the world, thanks for the inspiration." That sounded afterthought-y enough to earn a few dozen angry thinkpieces tomorrow.

9:20 EST: Jim Carrey is apparently still a big enough star to get asked to present things at major awards shows. Huh. I can't think of one reason why he would be presenting the American Hustle clip, considering how many actors David O. Russell has worked with, but maybe he's burned just as many bridges. I mean, it's not like Clooney's gonna do it.

9:15 EST: A potentially tacky presentation of Miss Golden Globe by her parents, Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, is saved by a Tina/Amy bit about Tina's surly adult son (Amy) being Mr. Golden Globe. Is he Idris Elba's son? Harvey Weinstein's?

Best Actress in a Television Series Drama

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House of Cards

Predicted Winner: Taylor Schilling

Actual Winner: Robin Wright. HERE'S that House of Cards win I was expecting. Here's hoping she thanks ex-husband Sean Penn just to be a dick. Oooh! Or can she thank Naomi Watts for Adore? 

9:06 EST: And now, the Robert Downey Jr. experience. He manages to crack a joke about every single nominee, like this is the Oscars and it's time to tell a story about everyone. Julie Delpy and Greta Gerwig reactions below:

 

Best Actress - Comedy

Amy Adams, American Hustle
Julie Delpy, Before Midnight 
Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha 
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Enough Said
Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

Predicted Winner:  Amy Adams

Actual Winner: Amy Adams. And a well-deserved win, too, for being the ONLY good thing about that movie. And up to this minute, she delivers the speech of the night, particularly with a nod to her manager, whom she says was the first woman totake her on when she moved out to L.A. 15 years ago. 

9:05 EST: Olivia Wilde gets to present the Best Picture clip for Her. It's a lovely clip from a lovely movie.

9:00 EST: Two handsome actors and Amber Heard are out to present TV supporting actor.

Best Supporting Actor, Television  

Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Corey Stoll, House of Cards

Predicted Winner:  Rob Lowe

Actual Winner: Jon Voight. His FOURTH Golden Globe, after Runaway Train, Coming Home, and Midnight Cowboy. That puts him one up on his daughter, Angelina Jolie, and don't think he doesn't know it. He picks up the "nervous" meme from Jennifer Lawrence and Elisabeth Moss. And he gets played out by the band just as he's making an oblique reference to Angie/his family.

8:53 EST: TIME FOR BEST SONG, "LET IT GO" OR BUST.

Best Original Song

"Altas," The Hunger Games 
"Let it Go," Frozen
"Ordinary Love," Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
"Please Mr. Kennedy," Inside Llewyn Davis
"Sweeter than Fiction," One Chance

Predicted Winner: "Let It Go," Frozen

Actual Winner: "Ordinary Love," the U2 song for a Nelson Mandela movie that was promised to Bono when he saved the life of a trickster god on his last trip to Cape Town. In related news:

8:50 EST: Kate Beckinsale, Sean Combs, and Usher are out to present Best Score.

Best Original Score

Alex Ebert, All is Lost
Alex Heffes, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Steven Price, Gravity
John Williams, The Book Thief
Hans Zimmer, 12 Years a Slave

Predicted Winner: Steven Price

Actual Winner: Alex Ebert, for the other movie that is a duet between one actor and their music. Ebert is a crazy bushy-haired hipster, and there some joke between him and Diddy about partying on a boat that is maybe a joke or maybe for real. After those Ciroc ads, anything is possible.

8:48 EST: Steve Coogan and the real-life Philomena Lee are out to present the Best Picture clip for Inside Llewyn Davis. Just kidding! They're out to present the Best Picture clip for Rush.

8:41 EST: Eckhart and Patton again.

Best Television Series Drama

­Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Masters of Sex

Predicted Winner: House of Cards

Actual Winner: Breaking Bad. Okay, maybe the HFPA really did marathon Breaking Bad over the Christmas break. I am no longer kidding. JOKES ARE OVER, EVERYBODY. Serious live-blogging from here on out.

8:38 EST: Aaron Eckhart and Paula Patton and Paula Patton's giant shoulder ruffle are out to present.

Best Actor in a Television Series Drama 

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist

Predicted Winner:  Kevin Spacey

Actual Winner: Bryan Cranston. As the whoop from the audience indicated, this was a VERY popular win in the room. Certainly popular enough for the HFPA to override their preference for all things new. Maybe since they hardly ever nominated this show before, the HFPA just marathonned Breaking Bad over the Christmas break?

8:35 EST: A teleprompter issue (apparently real?) leads to a piece of notebook paper serving as the banter for Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie as they introduce the Wolf of Wall Street Best Picture clip. No fucks in this one. 

8:34 EST: Amy Poehler with a V.I. Warshawski joke (DRINK TWENTY DRINKS) en route to the speech from the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Nothing quite so wonderful as last year's Bradley Cooper sexual harrassment, but it's short and sweet.

8:30 EST: While we're on a commercial, here's Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Reese Witherspoon being glamorous Film Actresses, from the monologue, courtesy of our own Esther Zuckerman:

8:28 EST: Matt Damon, star of the better Bourne films, comes out to introduce a clip from Paul Greengrass's Captain Phillips, a Best Picture nominee tonight. It's not a scene but kind of a mini-trailer, as has become the custom at awards shows lately, much to my chagrin. Still, it includes a bit from that incredibly powerful ending, so there's that. 

8:25 EST: 

Best Actress in a Television Miniseries of Movie 

Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
Helena Bonham Carter, Burton and Taylor 
Rebecca Ferguson, The White Queen
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake 
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector

Predicted Winner:  Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake

Actual Winner: Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake. Even though I realized right at the end there that I was rooting hard for Helena Bonham Carter. Everybody gets to see Elisabeth's fab dress now, though. She thanks everybody in her category, though Jessica Lange looks decidedly bored. 

8:22 EST: Naomi Watts and Mark Ruffalo emerge to lecture us about recognizing miniseries while we still have them. 

Best Television Miniseries or Movie

American Horror Story: Coven
Behind the Candelabra 
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
The White Queen

Predicted Winner: Behind the Candelabra

Actual Winner: Behind the Candelabra. Steven Soderbergh is apparently not here, or else he'd clearly be taking the stage now, yes? The tinkly Liberace piano is nearly finished by the time the producers take the stage. Soderbergh gets thanked, and nobody makes any jokes about Michael Douglas/Matt Damon anal sex, so we're already one up on the Emmys.

8:15 EST: Mila Kunis and an absolutely UNFAIR-looking Channing Tatum are out to present next.

Best Supporting Actress, Television

Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge
Janet McTeer, The White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Predicted Winner: Janet McTeer

Actual Winner: Jacqueline Bisset. Well, we had the right rationale (fancy Brit lady in TV movie) but wrong actress. Poor Ms. Bisset gets the evening's first "seated so far at the back that she can barely make it to the stage" moment. She then gets the evening's first "Anna Paquin too speechless to say anything" moment. Finally, she gets the evening's first "played off with the music" moment, and the first "is she drunk, or ...?" moment, AND the first "bleeped for saying 'shit'" moment. Golden Globes Bingo!

8:10 EST: First award! Bit of an awkward transition. Guess they needed Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock for reaction shots. 

Best Supporting Actress in a Film

Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong'o, 12 Years a Slave
June Squibb, Nebraska 
Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

Predicted Winner: Jennifer Lawrence

Actual Winner: Jennifer Lawrence. Blows past Emma Thompson AND Amy Adams, if you're looking for backlash fodder. But you know what? The girl shouts out I Heart Huckabees and Three Kings and Flirting with Disaster, so don't even come for her. "Don't ever do this again!" she closes.

8:06 EST: Nominating that "George Clooney would rather float away into space than spend one more minute with a woman his own age" joke as the Kathryn Bigelow/James Cameron crowd-slayer of the year.

8:05 EST: Tina and Amy's alternate title for American Hustle: "Explosion at the Wig Factory." Accurate!

8:05 EST: Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts sitting next to each other at the August: Osage County table, like they have something to prove NOT THAT THEY DO.

8:00 EST: SPIT OUT THAT GUM, WE'RE STARTING.

7:55 EST: Best dressed, as we finish up the red carpet? Elisabeth Moss. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Cate Blanchett, who is dressed in an elaborate spider web. Worst dressed? Matt Lauer's sunglasses. 

7:45 EST: Jennifer Lawrence just live-TV-bombed Taylor Swift, as the prophets foretold.

7:15 EST: Matt Lauer anchoring the NBC pre-show coverage with his sunglasses on. He's really embracing his new status as the villain of morning television, huh? It's like a WWF-style heel turn. Don't be surprised if he slaps the posterboard signs out of children's hands next.

7:05 EST: Breaking my own personal record for responding to someone's fashion tweets with a link to Reese Witherspoon's 2007 Globes dress. This Golden Globe fashion has yet to be topped, but head on over to Allie Jones's fashion roundup to see how everyone else is looking (Lupita Nyong'o, my goodness!)

6:55 EST: Getting ready to leave the E! coverage and put aside Giuliana Rancic and Ryan Seacrest for another year. A little bit of a wrap-up: the celebrity least able to mask their disgust for Ryan Seacrest was Amy Adams. The most overly enthusiastic greeting of Ryan was Jonah Hill. Strangest Ryan Seacrest banter: Margot Robbie reminding Ryan that they met at a gym in Argentina on Thanksgiving. Best celebrity interaction that happened while the anchors were blabbering was Will Forte and Elisabeth Moss. Best dressed hosts and best friends? Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Bye forever, E!

6:40 EST: Giuliana Rancic just goaded Elisabeth Moss into flipping off the mani-cam and then proceeded to freak out about it, and they then argued for about three minutes about who wanted who to do it, and this is legitimately the most exciting thing that will happen on the red carpet until Robert Redford goes floating down the flooded red carpet on his life raft, so I hope you were watching.

Gif via @ditzkoff

6:25 EST: Okay, UNCLE. The football game went to halftime and I switched the channel to the E! pre-show, and I guess I live here now. Naomi Watts and Liev Schrieber are here, and after a 2013 output that consisted of Diana, Adore, and Movie 43, I defy you to name one actress braver for showing up tonight. 

Meantime, at least Sarah Hyland (Modern Family) and Kelly Osbourne have name-dropped their close personal friendships with Taylor Swift, making the country queen an early front-runner for the night's hottest accessory.

6:00 EST: The red carpet at the Beverly Hilton is flooded, due to a sprinkler-system activation. Water everywhere. Somewhere, Bruce Vilanch furiously jots down "wet carpet" ad-libs for a Whoopi Goldberg who isn't there.

5:00 EST: Okay, it's early yet, and we won't begin the official liveblog until 7:00pm, but here's where you'll want to be once the festivities begin for real. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting. Diane Keaton will be on hand to accept the Cecil B. DeMille Award on behalf of Woody Allen. Ben Affleck has once again been snubbed. It's all happening!

In case you're curious and/or if you've still not filled out your pool ballots, we offered our predictions for who will in in the film categories and also in the TV categories. And while we're in the mood to predict things, I might as well get the following out there, just in case NBC follows suit, and I look like a genius.

I wonder what song NBC will parody when identifying arriving celebrities at the Globes this year. "Blurred Lines," probably, right?

— joereid (@joereid) January 2, 2014

 

"There's Emma Thompson [hey hey hey] and Oscar Isaac [hey hey hey] what rhymes with Nyong'o?"

— joereid (@joereid) January 2, 2014

 

See you at 7!

       

UPDATED: A Sprinkler Has Attacked the Golden Globes Red Carpet

Twitter/@KristinDSantos

We're still nearly an hour and a half away from the start of E!'s red carpet show, and there's already a crisis at the Golden Globes: the red carpet has been stricken by a leak. Update 4:51 p.m.: According to Ashley Lee of The Hollywood Reporter the source of the leak was a burst sewage pipe. Lee wrote that: "lights set off an alarm system that sprayed black sewage and water on various cameras and the red carpet." Update 5:52 p.m.: There is some controversy as to what actually happened. Variety calls the incident a "sprinkler accident." Careerchick.com's Stephanie Stanton also deems it a fire sprinkler. Update 6:34 p.m.: The cause has now determined to have been a sprinkler, according to Vanity Fair. 

Catt Sadler breathlessly reported on E!: "We're experiencing a lot of drama right now down here on the red carpet. A pipe has appeared to totally bust and there is water gushing literally everywhere, in the position where all of the international press is stationed. Everyone has moved out of the way. As you can see they are pulling up the red carpet as we speak right now. It is not stopping! They cannot get this water under control!" 

Earlier E!'s Kristin Dos Santos tweeted that "good one fifth" of the carpet is "ruined," though she has since added: "They stopped the leak. Beverly Hills firemen vacuuming it up now. #GoldenGlobesPorn." (ET concluded that a third of the carpet was ruined.) Red carpet gremlin Ryan Seacrest tweeted a picture of the cleanup: 

huge water leak on #goldenglobes red carpet...Bev Hills fire trying to clean up pic.twitter.com/70dwJzzwYR

— Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) January 12, 2014

When news broke Fandango's Dave Karger tweeted that the leak has "red carpet into the red sea," a joke he would later repeat on the air, to which Sadler responded: "It's a red sea of blood basically." Which, okay. 

       

Chris Christie and Bridgeghazi Dominate the Sunday Shows

David Gregory and Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich on Meet the Press. (NBC)

It's been three full days since New Jersey Governor Chris Christie gave his marathon press conference about the Bridgeghazi scandal and was squired to Fort Lee to apologize to Mayor Mark Sokolich. The story still dominated the Sunday morning shows.

Meet the Press, This Week, and Fox News Sunday all led with the scandal. While the commentary fell somewhat predictably along the lines one might expect, there was a broad sense that no one believes the story has fully run its course. Accordingly, there were more verbal shrugs then we're used to from the commentariat. 

On Meet the Press, Mark Halperin of Time Magazine made this observation.

"I have been stunned in my calls this week to Republicans and conservatives and watching people on Twitter, The New York Post, The Wall Street Journal, owned by Rupert Murdoch, big supporters of Christie, everyone says, "He better be telling the truth. If he's telling the truth."

No one is taking him at his word, as best I can tell. And even Republicans who are huge supporters of him, they say, "Well, if he's telling the truth, he's fine."

Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich also appeared to speak about his meeting with Governor Christie. The skeptical Sokolich said that he would take Christie at his word, but when pressed on some of the details, added that "there's just a lot of stuff out there though."

On Fox News Sunday, Christie earned plaudits from Karl Rove, who praised Christie for handling the issue directly, rendering it useless for attacks by the Democrats.

"You'll notice we haven't been hearing a lot from the Clinton camp about this. The contrast with President Clinton and Secretary Clinton's handling of Benghazi. So I think it's going to be hard for Democrats to turn this into an issue."

Rove then added a qualifier: "The question is whether the facts are going to turn this into an issue." 

On This Week, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani likened the Christie scandal to Benghazi and the IRS controversies. 

 He added that he believed Christie, but that the New Jersey governor has "taken the complete risk that his political career is over" if the story turns out to not be true. 

For the first time in ages, nearly all the panelists on all the shows agreed something.

       

Philly's 'Swiss Cheese Masturbator' Highlights City's Troubled History With Swiss Cheese

AP Photo

There may be a cultural explanation for why there is a "Swiss Cheese Pervert" on the loose in Philadelphia. Over the past few hours, word has quickly spread about a Philadelphia man who reportedly approaches unsuspecting women in his car, "displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it." According to one account, the behavior may go back as far as 2012.

But with such a peculiar fetish involved, it seems a little ham-fisted to not consider the particular cultural significance of this dairy-related act. After all, Philadelphia is a city with a very specific history on matters relating to cheese. Among the things commonly associated with Philadelphia—right alongside Rocky, the Liberty Bell, and Brotherly Love—are Philadelphia Cream Cheese and Philadelphia cheesesteaks.

For more, I reached out to Brooks Rich, a Philadelphia-based academic (although not ordinarily on matters relating to cheese), to ask whether there might be a Swiss-related subtext that could shed some light on the latest development. Rich immediately noted the local bias against fancier cheeses, pointing to the fact that there is only one socially acceptable way to order a cheesesteak in Philadelphia, which is "wiz wit," meaning a cheesesteak with cheese whiz and onions. 

Back in 2003, former presidential hopeful John Kerry ignited a controversy on the campaign trail when he visited the iconic South Philly cheesesteak purveyor Pat's and infamously ordered his sandwich with the wrong cheese. Which cheese? Swiss cheese. Kerry managed to eke out a victory in Pennsylvania, but ultimately lost the election, due in part to his lack of common touch. (The world also cried "fowl" when Kerry ordered a turkey shawarma in Ramallah last year, but that's another story.)

Rich offered that it wouldn't be outrageous to suggest that the precedent bias against Swiss could be linked to deviant behavior of the "Swiss Cheese Masturbator." As Philadelphia continues its search, there may be more to this story than meets the eyes. 

 

       

Virginia Woman Must Return Renoir Painting She Bought at a Flea Market for $7

'Landscape on the Banks of the Seine' by Pierre-Auguste Renoir (POTOMACK COMPANY)

According to a U.S. District Court ruling, a Renoir painting that was stolen from the Baltimore Museum of Art in 1951 and recently bought at a flea market still belongs to the museum. Judge Leonie M. Brinkema's decision yesterday afternoon ended a long saga over the napkin-sized painting.

If you believe the legend, "Landscape on the Banks of the Seine" was originally painted by Pierre-Auguste Renoir as a gift for his mistress 135 years ago. The painting was sold twice before it was loaned to the Baltimore Museum of Art in 1937 by a collector named Saidie May. Fourteen years later, the oil-on-linen was reported stolen by the museum. 

"The reported theft occurred shortly after May's death, and the painting had not yet been formally accepted into the museum's collection, which is why museum officials did not initially realize it had been there," BMA director Doreen Bolger said last year, explaining how the painting never ended up on a registry of stolen art. 

For nearly 60 years, there had been no news about the painting until a Virginia woman named reportedly found it at a West Virginia flea market in 2009, where she promptly bought it. For $7. A few years later, she brought the painting to an auction house in Virginia to have it appraised. Shortly after, it was determined that the painting was real and would be put up for auction. 

The Renoir was expected to fetch at least $75,000, but the auction was canceled after the painting was traced back to the Baltimore Museum of Art. The museum wanted the piece back and the new owner, understandably, believed that it now belonged to her. Prior to yesterday's ruling, the Baltimore Museum of Art said it would hope to put the painting on display again. Now that the decision has been reached, at least the woman won't have to travel too far to see it, right? 

       

There Was a Massive Brawl in Turkish Parliament Today

A Turkish protester holds a placard with photos of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan that reads "perfect thief " in Ankara on Thursday.  (AP PHOTO/BURHAN OZBILICI)

A heated debate in Turkish parliament relating to a massive corruption scandal turned into a full-on melee today with punches, flying kicks, and thrown iPads. Turkey has been rocked in recent weeks by allegations of graft that have beleaguered Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan and his ruling party.

The issue at hand in the Saturday parliament session was a bill that would grant the government greater control in the appointment of judges and prosecutors, which, to be fair, is a useful tool to have when you're enmeshed in a corruption scandal. When a lawmaker tried to submit a petition calling the government bill "anti-constitutional" and was told he wouldn't be allowed to speak, things got a little bit crazy. 

"One MP leapt on a table and launched a flying kick as others wrestled and punched at each other, with document folders, plastic water bottles and even an iPad flying through the air," according a Reuters reporter who was present. (There is some grainy accompanying footage.) 

While this was going on inside of parliament in Ankara, tens of thousands of Turkish citizens were protesting outside against Erdogan. Despite reshuffling his cabinet and firing several ministers, the nearly month-old corruption scandal continues to weaken Erdogan, who has been in power since 2003. In a bid to quell the protests, the government also submitted a bill this week that would tightened its control over the internet in Turkey.  

 

       

Alex Rodriguez's Mega-Suspension Gets Cut Down to One Season

Alex Rodriguez arriving at Major League Baseball headquarters in November 2013.

Alex Rodriguez, the embattled New York Yankees third baseman, will miss the entire 2014 season following a ruling on his doping suspension. Originally suspended for an unprecedented 211 games, A-Rod's ban for allegedly using performance-enhancing drugs was whittled down neatly to 162 games—the entirety of the 2014 baseball season—after an arbitrator ruled today on his appeal.

The ruling still constitutes the largest-ever suspension of its kind and, accordingly, A-Rod is not happy about the decision. From a statement released on his behalf: "The number of games sadly comes as no surprise, as the deck has been stacked against me from day one. This is one man’s decision, that was not put before a fair and impartial jury, does not involve me having failed a single drug test, is at odds with the facts and is inconsistent with the terms of the Joint Drug Agreement and the Basic Agreement, and relies on testimony and documents that would never have been allowed in any court in the United States because they are false and wholly unreliable."

Baseball's highest-paid player, Rodriguez will lose $25 million owed him by the Yankees for the upcoming season. A-Rod and his legal team say they will appeal the ruling in federal court. 

       

Cigarettes Have Officially Been Bad for You for 50 Years

AMC

On this day in 1964, U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry issued a definitive report that linked smoking cigarettes with lung cancer. The 150,000-word report was assembled by 10 scientists (half of them were smokers) and released on a Saturday, partly out of fear that the findings might disrupt the stock market. Decades later, the national battle to curb smoking still smolders. 

What Americans knew about the hazards of cigarettes in 1964 was largely unsettled, thanks to a publicity offensive waged by tobacco companies. Since the early 1950s, studies had asserted that smoking led to fatal illnesses, but cigarette manufacturers didn't go gently, calling the claims inconclusive and citing the development of filters as a means to keep toxins from reaching smokers. Aficionados of the AMC show Mad Men might recall the pilot episode's key tension revolves around the development of a (pre-1964) strategy to combat the claims that cigarettes were poisonous. "It's toasted!" becomes the chosen maxim of obfuscation.

But the Terry Report changed all of that. "In comparison with non-smokers, average male smokers of cigarettes have approximately a 9-to-10-fold risk of developing lung cancer and heavy smokers at least a 20-fold risk," the report read. At that point, over 42 percent of American adults were smokers. 

In addition to listing all the dangers and diseases associated with smoking, Terry also took the extraordinary step of calling for government involvement in the issue. Across the decades, the national effort to separate Americans from their cigarettes has manifested itself in the creation of warning labels on packs of cigarettes (1965), the launching of free anti-smoking PSAs on television (1967), the creation of smoking sections in restaurants, airplanes, and elsewhere in the 1970s, and the banning of cigarette advertisements. Eventually, full smoking bans took root as well. 

Today, the national percentage of smokers has dropped to 18 percent. That number still comprises 44 million smokers and, along with it, 440,000 pre-mature deaths, $96 billion in smoking-related medical costs, and $97 billion in lost productivity because of illness. Recently, the fight has also reached into the realm of e-cigarettes, which, despite being considered an aid to help smokers quit, have recently become the target of smoking bans in places like New York City, New Jersey, and Utah. 

       

Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon Dies at 85

Former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon in 2005 (AP PHOTO/KEVIN FRAYER)

Ariel Sharon, one of the most influential figures in Israeli history, passed away on Saturday after eight years in a stroke-induced coma. The life of the polarizing former general and prime minister contained the entire history of his country: Sharon was born 20 years before Israel's founding, fought or commanded troops in all of its major wars, and served nearly every post in its government for over 30 years. 

As Israeli historian Benny Morris writes today, "The passions that consumed Sharon throughout his 85 years were the army, in which he served more or less continuously from 1947 until 1973, and politics, where he starred from 1973 until 2006, when he suffered a brain hemorrhage and fell into a coma while serving as prime minister."

Sharon's last years of political activity were among the most defining of his complicated legacy. A renowned military tactician and an unforgiving (and much feared) commander, Sharon shocked his country and much of the world when the lifelong hawk decided to unilaterally withdraw from Gaza, the coastal strip that Israel captured from Egypt in 1967. The move was a stroke of daring for the longtime advocate of Israeli settlements. Following the disengagement from Gaza, Sharon left his right-wing political party to form his own centrist outfit, Kadima, which captured the most seats in the Israeli parliament even after Sharon was struck ill. 

As tributes pour in over the next few days, Sharon's life will be explained and re-explained by its many crucial plot points. Among them are his feats as a commander in both the Six-Day War (1967) and the Yom Kippur War (1973) as well as his troubled legacy as defense minister during the 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon, which saw an initially limited battle escalate into a war. After the First Lebanon War, Sharon resigned after he was found indirectly responsible for the massacre of hundreds, if not thousands, of Palestinians by an Israel-allied Christian militia in Lebanon.

Nearly 20 years later, Sharon was elected prime minister in a landslide victory over then-sitting Prime Minister Ehud Barak in 2001. Following the end of the Second Intifada and the Gaza withdrawal, Sharon was said to have designs on withdrawing from the West Bank when he suffered a massive stroke. Some Israelis contend that Sharon was the only leader with the political strength to manage such a feat.