Kevin L. O'Brien's Blog: Songs of the Seanchaí, page 5

L. Neil Smith and Prohibition - Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

Now, with regard to Smith's claims, the one from "Empire of Lies" is mostly ridiculous. Some prohibitionists such as John D. Rockefeller, Jr., did bemoan the fact that the public had not embraced it as eagerly as they had hoped, but even he admitted that it had produced some serious problems. Smith's assessment that Prohibition was "one of the butt-stupidest political ideas in the history of mankind" is colorful, but is based on his anarchist ideology, not on historical facts. In other words, it is an assumption, not a conclusion. Granted, he has the advantage of hindsight to justify his belief, but the point is that he believes Prohibition was doomed from the start, because it was a bad idea, rather than became doomed because it was a good idea that failed to work as expected.

Meanwhile, his claims from "When You Wish Upon a Star...", while also based on his ideology, at least make an attempt at a historical evaluation. That they are based on myths is not necessarily a point against them; H. L. Mencken in 1925 made the same mythical claims, as did Rockefeller in 1932. Nonetheless, we can now recognize where Smith is way off base.

His claim that prohibitionists ignored criticism that they disregarded individual rights has no basis. There has always been a strong disapproval for alcoholic consumption in this country, even before the Revolution, and numerous communities experimented with prohibition laws as a form of religious and social reform. There was even a Prohibition Party after the Civil War. This disapproval did not go away until after Prohibition was repealed, until now alcoholic consumption is largely considered normal (though drunkenness is still disapproved of). It began as a call for abstinence, but gradually grew to encompass the general alcohol industry, especially saloons. Much of what we now call the prohibition movement of the late 19th to early 20th centuries was an anti-saloon campaign. Several states and many townships and communities banned alcohol long before the 18th Amendment. The prohibitionists had legitimate health and social concerns, which were acknowledged by many leading citizens and in court decisions.

Most drys were members of pietistic religious groups, such as Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and Quakers, but also organizations associated with liturgical churches, such as Catholics, Lutherans, and Episcopalians. The drys considered saloons to be corrupt and drinking to be a sin. They were opposed by wets mostly from liturgical churches, who opposed the idea of government legislating morality. The drys were supported by tea and soda business interests, who saw prohibition as a way to increase sales, whereas the wets were supported by the alcohol industry and local saloons. Many drys were nativists and even racially motivated, whereas many wets were immigrants or decedents of immigrants. Interestingly enough, drys helped to pass the 16th Amendment, which replaced a national alcohol tax with the income tax, and the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote (at that time, a majority of women supported prohibition). World War I helped to foster prohibition by the understanding that a ban on alcohol production meant more grain to feed the troops. Meanwhile, the 65th Congress of 1917 had a dry majority, and it passed the resolution calling for the 18th Amendment.

But at no time did the wets argue for individual rights. As anathema as this may sound to Smith, that is a modern concern, rising out of the 60's and 70's; before 1920, the emphasis was on social rights.

As for prohibitionists ignoring the deleterious side effects of Prohibition, there were those who argued that if given a chance it would work, but there were others who recognized the problems and worked to solve them. What Smith means by ignoring is that they did not admit they were wrong and repeal the amendment as soon as the first glitch manifested itself, which is patently ridiculous.

His overall claim that Prohibition caused a general disregard for the law that ultimately ruined society is also ridiculous. We've already seen that his claim that the Volstead Act turned citizens who drank into criminals is flat wrong, as is his claim that consumption increased. His claim that people who never drank before Prohibition started doing so "simply to assert their [individual] rights" is based on his ideology, not hard facts. He is also wrong that drinking was considered acceptable behavior; it wasn't, not by most citizens, hence the various temperance movements. Ultimately, everything leading up to this point is based on his mistaken belief that drinking alcohol was outlawed, but his final assertion that people at that time could not distinguish between the "crime" of drinking and the crime of murder is particularly insulting. I also question his conclusion that today moral lines are "hopelessly" blurred and that people have a general disregard for the law. That may be his opinion, but where are his facts to support it?

Still, in two senses he is right. Drinking may not have violated the letter of the Volstead Act, but it did violate its spirit. In that philosophical sense, you can argue that people who drank were criminals, but that is not what Smith means, so for the sake of this discussion it's a moot point. What made people criminals was bootlegging, more so if they sold their product to others, and only a small percentage of people did that. Also, in one back-alley fashion he is surprising correct about new people starting drinking. Before Prohibition, saloons were exclusively male territory, a place for men to escape the rigors of work and family life for a few hours. After Prohibition, as the saloons died out, drinking lost its macho connotation with the public, and it became acceptable for women to drink in public. In fact, speakeasies actively encouraged women to be patrons, so as to increase their sales. As such, women did start drinking, or drinking more, than they had before Prohibition, but that did not compensate for the overall drop in men drinking.

Again, we've seen that Smith's claim about "unsavory types" (ie, gangsters) getting their hooks into business is at best exaggerated and at worst mistaken (most of that happened after Prohibition, as the mob attempted to form tax shelters and to increase their revenue after the loss of bootlegging), and that his claim people were exposed to criminal and legal violence is also exaggerated or mistaken. Shootouts on the street were rare; for the most part, if people did not involve themselves with bootlegging, they had nothing to fear, from the mob or the police. And Prohibition was not "partly" repealed. The 21st Amendment nullified the 18th completely, and the Volstead Act became unconstitutional and was abandoned. What Smith may be referring to is that the 21st Amendment did not prohibit states from enacting their own prohibition laws, and it prohibited the transport or import of any alcoholic beverages into any state, township, or community that had such laws. However, as I point out earlier, some states and many townships and communities already had prohibition laws in place before the 18th Amendment was passed, and many kept their laws after it was repealed. The last state to repeal prohibition laws was Kansas, in 1987! Meanwhile, hundreds of counties nationwide still have prohibition laws on the books. Smith's hatred of government in any form at any level may permit him to believe that in all these places there are politicians and bureaucrats trying to rob people of their rights and freedoms, but for the rest of us, who don't engage in Insane Troll Logic, Fridge Logic tells us that this is simply a reflection of a trend that has been a part of this country since people first settled here.

Food Tropes - Part 1

There is a videogame trope called Bottomless Bladder. This may sound like a urinary version of Nobody Poops, but in fact it is broader than that. It is the storytelling convention that characters are seldom forced to complete such mundane tasks as eating, sleeping, bathing, changing clothes, or going to the bathroom. Though often treated as an Acceptable Break from Reality due to The Law of Conservation of Detail, it can be taken to ridiculous extremes, such as a character spending months of in-universe time traveling to a particular destination, while never once stopping to sleep, eat, bathe, change clothes, pee, etc. While I agree that Reality Is Unrealistic, nonetheless I deal with most of these mundane tasks in my stories where I have room to indulge, and a clear justification in the narrative, because I want them to be believable, and that often requires attention to realistic detail.

Food (including drinking) often falls victim to this; even in literature the best that might happen in most cases is that the narrative says the characters stopped to eat, then pressed on, even in stories that have the room to spare a few lines or a paragraph describing what the characters eat. An adherent to Minimalism might argue that only details that drive the story should be mentioned, but in that case, why even mention that they stop at all? For that matter, why even say they took a trip? For me, part of the joy and wonder of reading a tale of speculative fiction is getting to know the world in which the story is set. I can still remember reading a review of Frostflower and Thorn that praised Phyllis Ann Karr's use of small domestic details, such as singing a song to precisely time the cooking of an egg. Things like that impressed me, and I decided that as much as possible, I would include those kinds of details to bring color to my worlds, even if they do not advance the plot.

Food and drink is one way that I can do that. Most of my stories contain references to eating and drinking, some of which are important for the story, some of which are not:

Barbarians R Us -- features a drinking contest

Feline Savior -- the characters have tea

No Torrent Like Greed -- the characters share a breakfast, a dinner, and a camp-supper

Dark Vengeance -- describes a potlatch, a Native American banquet

Post-Traumatic Redemption -- the characters have tea and sandwiches

Man Friday -- a dinner party is given for one of the characters

A Fidus Aranea -- a child character has breakfast

Immanuel -- a Christmas Eve celebration at a homeless shelter features breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks

Oak Do Hate -- the contents of a guard lounge are described, including abandoned food

Disposable Commodities -- whiskey is used to regenerate a dead body

The Lions of Inganok -- a group of characters try to get another character drunk

The Christmas Vampires -- a Christmas party with hot chocolate and snacks

Gourmand Hag -- food is used to distract a monster from eating a character

Do Unto Others -- features futuristic "food pills"

Pride and Fall -- the framing story takes place in the commissary of a bathhouse

Shenanigans -- two girl characters try to get drunk on perry and eat fig newtons

The Steel Gazelle -- two characters drink ale and eat tavern snacks

The Beast of Exmoor -- a character has a military ration meal and an apple

Desperate Acts -- when a character awakens from being knocked out she finds a decanter of mead and a platter of sweetmeats beside her

One-Percenter Vendetta -- a character on a motorcycle road trip tops at a pub for supper

Redshirt -- the characters meet in a bar and later share a liqueur

A Typical Friday Night -- two characters eat and drink at a tavern

Fun 'n' Games -- begins and ends with one character having the same lunch (well, not exactly the same)

The Surrogate -- begins with high tea

A Little Hospitality -- two characters share a campsite and a camp-supper

We Deliver -- features the delivery of 24 large all-meat pizzas

Dribble & Maggot in the Land of Dreams -- two characters eat travel food and snack on apples

The Double Image -- two characters have lunch at a cafe, dinner at a swanky snooty restaurant, and drinks and snacks at a nightclub

Youthful Indiscretion -- features two high-tea meals and a bedtime snack

The Cats' Peril -- begins with breakfast

This is not say that I will just throw in eating or drinking in a gratuitous manner, but if the situation would call for eating or drinking in Real Life, or at least would not be out of place, I will make some kind of reference.

Below is a list of Food Tropes I have already used; more are likely to come in the future.

All Beer Is Ale -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; characters in fantasy settings who drink "beer" are drinking ale, not lager

***** Justified in the Dreamlands, in that lager is fermented under cooler conditions using a special type of yeast, both of which are difficult to set up or obtain, so the majority of beer is ale brewed at warmer temperatures with everyday run-of-the-mill brewing yeast.

Bad To the Last Drop -- bad tasting coffee, tea, hot chocolate, etc.

***** Subverted in "The Cats' Peril"; Mabuse makes tea for Eile, but warns her it may be stronger than she's used to. Eile replies that Sunny can make coffee that will float a horseshoe. But she does not indicate that she finds either distasteful.

Bizarre Taste in Food -- one character finds another's taste in food strange and unnatural, especially if he does something strange and unnatural to it

***** Sunny is addicted to peanut butter banana sauerkraut sardine and mayo sandwiches with lots of raspberry jam; Eile makes sure she's out of the city whenever Sunny makes one. Meanwhile, the Girls feel this way about Differel's eggs and brains with brown mustard and bacon bits.

Blessed Are the Cheesemakers -- cheese plays an important role in a story

***** In "The Steel Gazelle", Eile and Sunny's tray of tavern snack food consists of hard cracker-like bread covered with greasy salami and what looks like partially melted cheese. That gets Eile wondering about food preservation and spoilage in the Dreamlands. She wants no part of eating it, and the sight of Sunny wolfing it down turns her stomach. In point of fact, cheese-making is very widespread in the Dreamlands, along with sausage-making, because it's the best way to preserve milk.

Bubblegum Popping -- people chew bubblegum and blow bubbles, and they pop

***** Bettie Stivic, friend of Team Girl, who cosplays as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, in the Dreamlands, is always chewing bubblegum and blowing bubbles. Sometimes some annoyed person will pop one to get her to stop.

But Liquor Is Quicker -- using liquor to get someone drunk enough to have sex with you

Dribble & Maggot's hit-and-miss lesbian romance started off rather rocky, as their initial trysts occurred mostly by accident and they couldn't re-establish the mood later. Several subsequent times they used alcohol to suppress their inhibitions enough to get it on, but once Differel married Victor and after he was killed, they found they had matured enough they no longer needed to get intoxicated. Though occasionally they still do.

Buzzsaw Jaw -- a character can eat massive amounts of food very quickly due to having jaws that act (actually or metaphorically) like a buzzsaw, wood chipper, or drill bit

***** Deborah Alice Wechsler, Founder, Chairman, and CEO of The Mhorrigan Group, literally has a set of jaws shaped like a three-bladed rotating drill bit because her body has been modified by mutagenic drugs. She uses it to feed on people who displease her.

Camp Cook -- the member of an expedition who cooks for the whole team whenever they camp

***** In "A Little Hospitality", Michael the Little Person, with whom Differel shares a campsite, cooks supper for both of them.

Though Eile can cook, Sunny is the chef, and by mutual agreement she cooks for both them, and by extension whatever team they travel with, when on an expedition in the wild, in both the Dreamlands and the Waking World.

Carrying a Cake -- a character must carry a cake from point A to point B; it never ends well

***** In "Gourmand Hag", Madam Trumbo the pastry chef invokes this as a deliberate ploy to save Differel from a hag determined to eat her. It works.

Chez Restaurant -- any high-class establishment serving gourmet French cuisine is called "Chez" X, where "X" is the second part of the name, such as "Chez Pierre" (The name of the restaurant does not have to literally be "Chez" X, as long as it sounds French.)

***** In "Double Image", as part of their decoy duty, Eile and Sunny have dinner at Le Gourmand Cochon ("The Greedy Pig") and shell out $12,500 for a meal for two.

Chocolate of Romance -- using chocolate to inflame a partner's passions

***** For the first year of their marriage, until their son Henry was born, Differel and Victor had sex practically every night, unless Victor was away on a mission for the Foreign Office. Some nights, however, Differel had to work late. At such times, Victor arranged for a bubble bath and a strawberry and chocolate fondue, and when she finally knocked off they would relax and feed each other chocolate-covered strawberries until they felt ready for bed.

Sometimes Sunny will paint herself with chocolate syrup and let Eile lick her clean.

Comfort Food -- the one food a person eats to feel better and more contented

***** Eile's is death by chocolate ice cream. Sunny's is nachos and raspberry jam. Differel's is welsh rabbit with caviar or pate. Margaret's is honey-roasted cashews.

Medb's comfort food is man sausage. And if that is not clear, another euphemism is meat and veg. Google it.

Cool Clear Water -- crystal-clear water is always safe to drink

***** Lampshaded in "Dribble & Maggot in the Land of Dreams". There are diseases and parasites in the Dreamlands, but they have a lower incidence. Though many residents and veteran Dreamers will advise at least boiling water if possible, there are many crystal-clear sources that truly are safe to drink.

Cordon Bleugh Chef -- creating dishes by combining foods that were never meant to be combined in this or any other universe

***** Sunny's peanut butter banana sauerkraut sardine mayo and raspberry jam sandwiches; enough said. Then again, you should see her lasagna recipes, like tex-mex mushroom jalapeno rattlesnake, or sausage venison lobster.

Crazy Consumption -- a character is shown as different from everyone else by eating food in an unusual manner

***** When Sunny and Eile get together with Sunny parents, they often eat in, because Maela, her father, is such a good cook. Their favorite meal is smorgasbord roulette. They make a dish from each of 12 to 15 different countries, place them on a turntable, then spin it. When it stops, everyone has to take a helping from the dish in front of them. They spin again as soon as everyone's finished their helping. They keep that up until all the dishes are eaten.

Dagwood Sandwich -- any ludicrously tall sandwich that would be impossible for a normal person to eat

***** Sunny and her parents also play the dagwood game. They create a dagwood sandwich at least 18 inches high, then shuffle a deck of cards. Each of them then draws a card, ignoring face cards and treating an ace as 1, and the number on the card is how many layers they can take. They keep that up until the sandwich is divided. They can then trade if one of them gets more than they can eat.

Delicious Distraction -- using delicious food to create a distraction

***** In "Gourmand Hag", Madam Trumbo the pastry chef uses various dishes prepared for a party to keep a hag distracted long enough for Differel to figure out how to escape it.

Diet Episode -- a story where a character decides to go on a diet or is put on one for eating too much

***** In a forthcoming story, Differel is put on a diet by Dr. Carmichael because she gained a few pounds. Throughout the story she keeps trying to find ways to cheat, but events transpire to deny her her chances.

Dinner and a Show -- a normal big family dinner where something strange, bizarre, and unnatural happens

***** In "Man Friday", a special Sunday roast buffet given in honor of Giles Holt is interrupted when a Fomorian attacks the estate.

Eaten Alive -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; some creature eats a character while the character is still alive (though she soon won't be)

***** That's what the hag intends to do with Differel in "Gourmand Hag". That would also likely be the fate of Dribble & Maggot if captured by the Jermlaine in "Shenanigans", and the mother Cat From Mars intended for her young to treat Differel this way in "The Beast of Exmoor".

In a future story, an old adversary of Team Girl will try to feed their daughters alive to feral pigs in revenge.

Erotic Eating -- eating food in a very slow and suggestive fashion in an attempt to turn someone else on

***** Eile and Sunny do this for each other on numerous occasions. In fact, their favorite form of play is to lick food off their naked bodies.

Margaret once did this with a banana (what else) in front of Differel, when Differel was trying to get some work done, in the hopes of getting her so excited she would quit and go to bed with her. It worked.

Evil Chef -- a villain who is also a chef

***** The Prince of Dylath-Leen in the Dreamlands is a gourmet who enjoys both eating and cooking haute cuisine. He is actually quite good, but since no one would dare to criticize his food, he assumes his cooking is actually mediocre, and the more highly people praise it, the worse he believes it to be. Differel actually defeated him once by pretending the dish he gave her was bland and unappealing, which intrigued him enough that they actually cooked a meal together, while she gave him pointers. When Team Girl praised it, he believed them because he knew he could trust their opinion.

Exotic Entree -- a villain deliberately eats an exotic or endangered animal just to show how evil and depraved he is

***** The Prince of Dylath-Leen once a year commissions the baking of a jewelwing bird pie. These creatures are so inoffensive and decorative and sing so sweetly that no one else will harm them, not even the Leng Men and other villainous races. Hence, the Prince's act is perceived to be an especially heinous crime.

Fancy Dinner -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; a high-class dinner with fancy dress, fancy food, fancy service, in a fancy location, etc.

***** Differel loathes these when required to attend those hosted by others, but will host her own, some of which offer as many as 30 courses.

Fantastic Fruits and Vegetables -- Exactly What It Says On the Tin; a form of produce that does not exist in the Real World

***** Though most fruits and vegetables found in the Dreamlands are the same as those in the Waking World, there are a number that exist only in the Land of Dreams.

Feminine Women Can Cook -- the Girly Girl cooks better than the Tomboy

***** Played straight with Team Girl, in that Sunny is a better cook than Eile. Inverted with Dribble & Maggot, in that Differel is a better cook than Margaret. Subverted with Aelfraed and Madam Trumbo, in that neither is particularly feminine.

Foreign Queasine -- one country's gourmet meal is another country's garbage

***** The foods that Differel loves to eat turn the stomachs of Eile and Sunny, whereas it took Differel awhile to learn to appreciate double-decker cheeseburgers with bacon and mushrooms.

Continued in Part 2.

Dreamlands Bestiary: The Cats From Saturn

The Cats From Saturn are a race of felinoid creatures that originate on the planet Saturn in an alternative Dream-universe. Nonetheless, they are able to crossover into our Dream-universe, or even the Waking World, at will and remain for a long (but indeterminate) amount of time. Despite the fact that neither Dream-Saturn nor Waking-Saturn are hospitable to any form of life as we understand it, the Cats still associate with them as if they were their home.

Though cat-like in overall shape, their body is an abstract mass of arabesques and filigrees of many bright colors. A baroque object at one end can be identified as a head by protrusions that resemble ears, a mouth formed by an invagination in the mass, and two great round multicolored eyes. At the other end is a thick, bushy reticulated tail. The body can exude two, three, four, or more legs, each of which ends in a whip-like paw. It's unknown whether this is its true body, or simply the best representation of it the Dream and Waking-universes can produce, but despite its appearance the body seems stable and not prone to alterations as the filaments of the mass move around.

Nothing is known about Saturn Cat culture, except that they have a language and human-level intelligence. They display no culture or technology. They are feared by everything; in fact, they are the only creatures Earth Cats fear. This is because the Cats From Saturn have enmity towards all other felines and will ruthlessly slaughter them. Moonbeasts, however, show no fear (assuming they are even capable of it), and they and the Cats are allied. Like Earth Cats they romp around the moon, but they prefer the dark side to the light.

Felineness seems to be endemic to the solar system. In addition to Earth Cats and the Cats From Saturn, there are also Cats From Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, and Neptune. Though their existence has yet to be proven, most scholars assume there are also Cats From Mercury, Venus, and Pluto, at least. Feline mythology states that all Cats everywhere, both domesticated and wild, are the children of Bast fathered by Nyarlathotep. Known as the First Born, Nyarlathotep tried to seduce them into becoming his servitors, but all refused except one pair. They became the progenitors of the Outre Cats, which include the Cats From Saturn and the other planets except Earth. Because of their devotion to him, they seek to destroy all other Cats. Despite this, however, all Outre Cats are still the Children of Bast. As the Great Mother, she creates the souls for all new Cats born, including those of the Outre Cats; she gives them the same choices as Earth Cats; and despite their war of genocide, when they finally run out of lives they are welcomed back to her bosom, where they transform into her servitors like all other Cats. While this makes no sense to Humans, Earth Cats understand it and accept it, even if they would like to hasten all Outre Cats to their final reward.

Synopsis: Vengeance Games (a Dribble & Maggot adventure)

Dribble & Maggot stand in the pilot house of a fishing schooner as it approaches an uninhabited island in the Outer Hebrides. M wears a beautiful and expensive hooded fur coat, whereas D wears a heavy great coat and a ushanka. The captain tells them that except for Mr. Barstow and his manservant, the only living things on the island are seals and seabirds. They pull up to the single dock where a lone man with a lantern awaits. An antique but expensive sedan sits behind him on a paved road. The captain helps D&M disembark while the crew carry their bags on shore and place them in the car. M tips the captain, and the schooner pulls away, disappearing into the fog and rough sea. D suddenly gets the impression of being completely cut off.

The man greets them and explains he is Mr. Barstow’s manservant. He drives them inland a short distance, towards a tower castle that materializes on top of the central hill. He stops at the front door and escorts them into the entry hall, where they meet Barstow. He in turn takes them up to their room to rest, freshen up, and change before dinner, while his manservant parks the car and removes their bags. Once in their room, D&M spar as D points out they went much further afield than she expected for what amounts to one evening’s dinner party. M explains that Barstow and her father were in the same army unit together, but he was unable to accept the invitation and neither was her half-brother, so he asked her to go instead, and of course she invited D to come along for companionship, and late-night fun. D asks why wait, and they take off their travel clothes and get into bed.

At 9 the manservant escorts them to the dining hall. He serves them and Barstow a 12-course meal. M monopolizes the conversation, but Barstow is also fascinated by D and the Caerleon Order. He is disappointed that he cannot meet Dracula, but D does indulge him and summons Caliburn. Meanwhile, D&M discover that after he resigned his commission he became a master of games, winning tournaments and investing the winnings to make himself rich. When dinner is finished they retire to a sitting room for brandy and cigars. That’s when he tells them that he had been a gambler in the army, and he had racked up debts he couldn’t pay. He tried to sell secrets, but was caught by the Duke. To avoid scandal, he was allowed to resign, but it disgraced his family, and he was forced to change his name and make his way on his own. Now he is finally ready to exact his revenge. Too bad the Duke and his son declined to come, but he can instead use them.

About that time D realizes she and M have been drugged, not by the brandy as she supposes, but by the cigars. As her consciousness fades, she asks why, when he has made a success of himself. He replies, for the principle.

When D awakens she finds herself in a dungeon cell with her wrists manacled. It has an exit sealed off by a metal door. A closed-circuit telly comes on and Barstow appears on the screen. She demands to know what is going on, and he explains that they will play a game of Adventure Girl. To survive and escape the tower, she must run a gauntlet that will test her training and skills to the limit. She refuses to participate, stating her people know where she’s at and will come looking for her if she doesn’t check in tomorrow. He replies that it’s her choice, but then her friend will die. He shows M strapped to a table as a bladed pendulum swings above her. She has only 15 minutes to reach her before the blade cuts her throat. Differel asks how she can find Margaret, and Barstow explains that she need only follow her nose. The telly then switches off.

The steel door opens and a guard wielding a truncheon attacks her from behind. He grabs her and she stomps on his shin. She turns around when he lets her go, but he swings the truncheon at her. She blocks his arm and jams the manacles into his nose and rakes his eyes. She then punches him in the throat. She finds the key and unlocks her manacles.

Next she finds the door cannot be opened, but discovers a tunnel to crawl through. She uses the truncheon to push her beret ahead of her, and watches it get cut in half by a guillotine. She maneuvers a piece into position and counts to 25 before it's cut again. She then crawls through, counting again, and just barely pulls her legs forward in time to avoid having her feet cut off. At the end of the tunnel is a chimney, with a revolver lying at the bottom. It's empty, but she takes it, and crawls up the chimney into another chamber, a dungeon cell.

There she finds a bomb and she has 90 seconds to diffuse it. Examining the wires, she find a green, red, and black one. Green is the ground wire, while red and black are the power wires, but cutting the wrong one will cause the bomb to go off. Cutting a green wire is useless, but she does so, and the timer stops. As a precaution she removes the detonator, and discovers another key. It opens the cell door, but she uses the truncheon to push it open, and a sentry gun fires into the room. He dodges the gun, takes the detonator, reconnects it to the battery and starts the countdown again, then tosses it out into the corridor. It explodes, destroying the gun.

The corridor dead ends into an eight-sided cell, with six walls having cabinet doors. Inside each is a bullet. One contains a rattlesnake; she uses the truncheon to immobilize it, grabs the bullet, and slams the door shut. The next one has a fish tank with a piranha. She uses the gun to smash the glass and retrieve the bullet. The third contains heavy gears, one of which has a hand-sized hole in it. She uses the truncheon to jam the gears at the right time to reach in and snatch the bullet before the gears crush the truncheon and start moving. The fourth shoots a bolt when the door is opened. The fifth has a dripping stream of acid. She uses her silk jacket to divert the stream.

The sixth opens onto a corridor with a metal plate on the floor; the bullet lies on the plate. She tosses the fish on the plate and it gets shocked. She uses her silk cravat to snag the bullet, then leaps over the plate. She takes a moment to load the pistol, then jogs down the hall.

It ends at a door, which is ajar. She kicks it open, and sees a room with M at the far end. She walks through the threshold, and collapses through the floor. She manages to grab the edge of the pit as her feet brush the tips of sharpened spikes. She pulls herself up and crawls onto the floor.

As she stands, Barstow tells her that six assailants will appear at six second intervals, but only one bullet is live. The first assailant appears and attacks; she takes him out and summons Caliburn, striking at a release catch for M's restraints. The second assailant appears; she subdues him and strikes it again, breaking the catch and opening the restraints. The third assailant appears; she deals with him as M rolls off the table. The fourth assailant appears, and while D fights him M heads off the fifth assailant, then the two of them take out the sixth and last assailant.

Barstow orders his manservant to attack them. He is quite good, but D&M manage to finally subdue him. Barstow tries to shoot them, but D fires her pistol, until the fifth bullet kills him.

They find Barstow's command center and call Aelfraed. He will alert the local constabulary, but because of the weather they probably won't arrive until well after morning. M asks D why she didn't call for Vlad to rescue them, and D replies that they were never in any real danger, pendulums and deathtraps notwithstanding. D&M decide to pass the time together in bed, with a bottle of brandy to help set the mood, as a form of celebration.

Synopsis: Family Way (a Team Girl adventure)

Eile and Sunny invite Medb and Mabuse to their place for dinner, and afterwards as they sit on the patio drinking whiskey, the Girls tell their guests that they have been thinking of ways to start a family. With all the options available to them, though, they want to discuss the possibility of using the same method Mabuse used to produce Sunny. Medb tries to talk them out of it, but they are adamant: they want to find out whether it is even possible before they adopt or use artificial insemination or whatever. Mabuse agrees to give them an exam, but no more.

The next day, they go to Mabuse's lab. She gives them a complete examination, including taking tissue samples. It takes a few days for her to complete her tests, during which the Girls investigate other means. Eile will have to be the one to get pregnant if they don't adopt, since Sunny cannot have children (the alien embryo she carried to term messed up her uterus). She's willing to do some methods, but not others, which limits their options.

Finally, Mabuse and Medb meet with the Girls to give them the results. It's bad news. They're both fine, healthy young ladies, pregnancy would be no problem for either, and Eile's genetics show no signs of possible diseases or conditions. However, Sunny's different. Each of her cells that Mabuse examined contained damaged genes. The only reason why she doesn't feel the effects is because each cell has a different set of damaged genes, so there are enough cells with enough intact genes for her tissues to function properly. However, that means her eggs will have damaged genes, and any fetuses derived from such eggs will likely spontaneously abort.

Mabuse declares it's her fault. At first the Girls think she means that the alien embryo damaged Sunny's ovaries, but she explains that isn't the case. What she means is that the method she used to make Sunny had not been perfected, but at the time, being younger, she was more reckless and prone to take chances and leap ahead before being sure of her procedures. But that explains why eleven of the twelve fetuses she created aborted. Why Sunny survived to term she doesn't know. She is now confident that she could make a child for them that would have normal genes, but without an intact genetic code, it would be futile. Sunny seeks clarification that it isn't the same genes that are damaged in every cell. Mabuse confirms that is true. Sunny then asks why it isn't possible to mix and match genes from multiple eggs? Stunned, Mabuse admits she never thought of that, but the idea excites her, and she promises to look into it.

It takes her about a week, but one day she reports to the Girls that she believes it is possible, with Medb's help, if they want to go through with it. Eile and Sunny agree to try, and Mabuse gives them drugs to stimulate their ovaries to produce ova. After a week of injections, she harvests a dozen or so ova from each of their ovaries. They spend the night in a recovery room under Medb's watchful eye, and are released the next morning. They're eager for news, but Mabuse is working in hyper-focused mode, and she barely acknowledges Medb, so the Girls go home to wait out the procedure.

After another week, a haggard Mabuse reports to Medb. She's encountered a problem. There seem to be about a set of a dozen genes that are damaged in all of Sunny's ova. She is reluctant to try to harvest more ova so soon, but they cannot wait for a more opportune time, because the reconstructed ova she has been creating must be implanted within the next couple of weeks, or the risk of spontaneous abortion increases dramatically. Even so, the sooner it is implanted, the better. Mabuse has plenty of Eile's ova, but she's worried that two identical copies of each gene might cause unforeseen problems. Medb offers to donate her own genes, but Mabuse explains that, like the massive woman herself, her genes are unusual; there's no telling what affect they may have on the baby. They seem to be at an impasse when Mabuse points out that any gene copies from any donor will work, provided they are undamaged. Medb decides to contact the Girls' friends to see if any are willing to donate tissue samples. Over the next few days, Medb collects samples from Annis Nin, Betty Stivic, Differel Van Helsing, Dolores Cadera-Hueso, Fael Cayleen, Giovanna Borgia, Joyce Luasaigh, Mariam Alina-Fuad, Morgan Leia Ross, Morghan Peressini, Shasta Taffaday, Wendy Cleasa, and Mabuse herself. Mabuse is able to replace the damaged genes with copies from the donated tissues, creating a viable ova.

Mabuse and Medb meet with the Girls and explain what they had to do. Mabuse also explains that since they have just the one ova, this will be their one and only shot at success, if they want to take the gamble. Eile and Sunny agree to try. Mabuse then implants the ova into Eile's uterus, and adds that now they have to wait. Over the next few days, Mabuse monitors Eile frequently, but finally she announces that ultrasound examination and blood tests show that the ova successfully implanted. Eile is pregnant.

That same day, the Girls alert their friends and thank them for their assistance. After dinner they make love, and before they fall asleep, Sunny sings Elton John's "Blessed" as a lullaby to the baby.

Ancient Roman Commerce

What with the history of the emperors, the legions, the roads, aqueducts, baths, and towns, Roman commerce tends to be ignored as an aspect of its society.



It's almost as if the grubby business of trade is beneath the dignity of the greatest civilization of the ancient world (or at least those who study it). And yet, commerce is part of the backbone of the empire. The Romans were businessmen as much as they were soldiers and conquerors, if not more so. After the legions conquered some new territory, the traders followed even before the settlers, sometimes accompanying the troops as they campaigned. Traders were just as important to keeping the peace as the legions, because a conquered people that received valuable goods realized it was to their advantage to maintain friendly relations with Rome so as to get more. In fact, most revolts occurred when the local people felt they were being denied the advantages of Roman society, such as trade. As such, commerce helped to stabilize the empire, and much of its longevity can be attributed to its extensive and active trade network.

At this point I should make a distinction between trade and tribute. Many people assume that Rome's wealth came from plunder during conquests and then from yearly tribute extorted afterwards to ensure the safety of the conquered people from further depredations by the legions. In fact, some think that commerce is just a euphemism for tribute. That did occur, there is no denying it; Roman historians write about it. However, conquest plunder was a one-time thing, and while it could pay for grandiose building projects (the Coliseum was funded by the spoils taken from the Jewish Temple after the siege of Jerusalem), it wasn't enough to pay the empire's expenses, and even a yearly tribute was just a drop in the bucket compared to what Rome spent just on entertainment, the legions, and its infrastructure each year. The bulk of Rome's wealth came from trade, which necessitates giving something in exchange for what you want, and it was conducted, not by armed legions threatening force if the goods are not surrendered, but by unarmed citizens trying to make a living. (Even then, it wasn't enough. In 180 AD the total expenditure of the Empire for one year was 107 million denarii, whereas its total revenue was only 75 million, leaving a shortfall of 32 million. Even the Romans had deficit spending.)

Roman commerce can be divided into two sections: internal and external, or Imperial and International. Internal trade involved the movement of large quantities of bulk materials from one part of the empire to another, while external trade involved importing large quantities of bulk materials into the empire from the outside. As with travel, one could argue that the extensive road system of the empire would have made internal commerce very easy, even considering the cost of travel, but, as with travel, the roads were not used to deliver goods, with a few exceptions, for three reasons: the roads were designed for foot or hoof travel, not wheels; the distances involved greatly increased the cost; and carts were not large enough to carry the amounts required. Instead, internal commerce was conducted by ship: ships could hold more than even dozens of carts; shipping costs were some 60 times less than overland transport; and the distance from Alexandria to Rome as much shorter by sea than by land. There is a delicious irony in this, because one reason the road system was built was so that the legions didn't have to risk travel by sea. If you put an entire legion on a ship, and the ship sank, you lost the entire legion, but a legion cannot sink on land. To be sure, there were dangers traveling by land, but they were the kind of dangers a legion was trained to deal with. Shipping, say, grain by bulk in a ship was worth the risk, because it was cheaper and you could see a greater profit than transporting a few cartloads overland. And while the Roman military couldn't do anything about storms, it kept the Mare Internum, the Mediterranean Sea, clear of pirates.

Because of this, major cities on the seashore, or on major rivers that led to the sea, all had ports to receive trade ships and handle their cargo. Of course, once the goods arrived they had to be transported inland, but once again the roads were not used for this. Instead, smaller boats carried the goods upriver to major trading towns, for dissemination into the local region. One example would be the route up the Rhone river in southern Gaul (France) from Arelate (Arles) to Lugdunum at the confluence of the Saone River. The only exception to this trend was a route from Rome to Sirmium in the province of Pannonia on the Sava River south of the Danube. Though the Danube no doubt formed part of the route, most of it was overland due to the need to cross the Alps.

External trade came overland, since there were no foreign nations across the oceans at that time, but these still didn't use the roads. Instead, they followed routes that had been in use for centuries, even millennia, before Rome. Their goods tended to be restricted to a few valuable items to justify the cost. The route terminated at specific trade centers: Leptis Magna on the coast of Libya; Alexandria; Antiocha (Antioch) in southern Asia Minor; Trapezus and Byzantium in northern Asia Minor; and Sirmium and Lugdunum. The first five were ports, where the goods could be loaded onto ships for transport deeper into the empire, while the last two were trade towns with links to Rome and the port of Arelate, respectively. Perhaps the most famous of these routes was the Silk Road, which linked China with Antiocha on the Mediterranean, and from there to Rome. The only exception to the land route ideal was trade with India; that was conducted by ship.

The kinds of goods transported internally varied depending upon the region, but the commercial system was set up so that any good from any region could reach any other region. The staples were grain, olive oil, wine, a fish-based sauce called garum, dried fish, figs, dates, raisins, and cattle, but many more goods were shipped, including oak and pine; tin, iron, lead, gold, silver, and copper; pigs, sheep, and grapes; marble and limestone; ivory, glass, asbestos, and slaves.



[See a larger view here.]

As for the external goods, cattle, tin, gold, and slaves came down from the Germanic Tribes into Lugdunum and Sirmium; gold, salt, limestone, and exotic animals came up through the Sahara to Leptis Magna; gold, ivory, marble, and slaves came up the Nile to Alexandria; flaxseed came west out of Parthia to Antiocha; and salt and pine wood came down from Sarmatia to Trapezus and Byzantium. From China came silk and spices, while ships from India imported spices, ivory, pearls, and gems.



[See a larger view here.]

Note that these are all raw materials, not finished goods; even glass was transported in a raw state as ingots and slabs. The reason for this is that finished goods were produced locally, for local consumption, by craftsmen, most of whom were slaves. I will discuss this further in a future post, but whereas the Romans had the technology to create an industrialized civilization, they didn't because they used slaves to do the work of machines.

These goods didn't just move themselves. Technically, patricians were not allowed to engage in trade, but many still speculated in it. For the most part they used freedmen as proxies, who would buy a cargo, arrange to ship it to a destination, then sell it. Often times, the patricians had their own ships, thereby reducing the cost of transport and increasing their profit. Most trade, however, was conducted by wealthy freedmen looking to become patricians by buying and farming land. Patricians could not afford to take financial risks, because if they lost too much of their wealth they would lose prestige and could not be senators, but freedmen had no such handicap. If they failed, their prestige did not suffer because they had none in the eyes of the patricians, but if they succeeded they could gain some once they purchased land and built a villa.

Such people tended to make only a few trades, or traded on occasion. However, there were also professional merchants. One group were the negotiatores. They were a lot like brokers, in that they bought and sold staples in bulk, and conducted long-distance large-scale commerce in wholesale quantities of goods, but they could also arrange trade deals for other parties, and they lent money on interest. They tended to be patricians who had taken the advice of Tacitus to consider large-scale as honorable. Another group were the mercatores. They were the owner-operators of the tabernae shops, though they might just man a stall or hawk goods from the side of the road. Many acted as sutlers, selling food and clothes to legionnaires and buying their booty for cash. However, they had to purchase the goods they sold, which they did from the negotiatores or the citizen speculator-traders, and if they operated out of an inland trade center or town, they could also purchase bulk staples or other goods, transport them to their community, then sell them to local citizens or foreign traders. They might even become agents for the local landlord, obtaining the bulk staples his villa needs. Finally, there were the rochel, peddlers who travel a circuit, selling, say, spices and perfume to the isolated villas, or trading them for local crafts goods he can sell when he returns to the town or city to acquire more stock. The most significant difference between these three groups is the amount of goods they deal in. Negotiatores handle shiploads and full warehouses, and rarely split it up to sell to multiple buyers. Mercatores deal in what they can fit into a river boat, and tend to sell it piecemeal to their customers, or sometimes as bulk to another trader or a landlord. The Rochel handle what they can fit into a cart and sell it piecemeal or trade it for individual items, until their cart is empty of the import goods and full of the export goods.

For trade to work well, it needs two additional services: a reliable, trusted money supply, and a set of standard weights and measures used throughout the trading region. The Romans had both. Roman coinage was relatively stable at least until 200 AD. The most common coin minted, which became the backbone of the Roman economy, was the denarius (plural, denarii), a silver coin of 90% purity in the time of Augustus (though it slowly debased to about 60% by 200 AD). Legionnaires were paid with the denarius, and it was the coin of preference for commerce. Another famous coin (thanks to movies like Spartacus) was the sestertius (plural, sestertii). It was also a silver coin, worth one-quarter of a denarius (4 sestertii to the denarius), and it's main claim to fame is that it was used as a unit of account, meaning that wealth and value was based on the sestertius when accounts were made. For example, Pliny the Elder said that the Roman general and politician Crassus (who defeated Spartacus, by the way, and was played by Sir Lawrence Olivier in the movie) had estates worth 200 million sestertii, and he was considered to be hyper-wealthy. Prices and wages were typically given in either sestertii or denarii, much like the dollar today, but after 1 AD the denarius supplanted the sestertius in practical usage, though the latter remained as the unit of accounting.

For commerce, the measures of volume and weight were most important. Volume was based on the sextarius, which was 2.3 cups, or 1/48th the volume of a standard amphora (plural, amphorae; 7 gal). A standard amphora, called the amphora capitolina, was kept in the temple of Jupiter on the Capitoline Hill in Rome so that all commercially produced amphorae could be compared to it. Weight was based on the libra, or Roman pound, at 11.6 oz. Except for liquids or small quantities of dry goods, or bulk dry goods that could not just be poured into a hold, such as fruits, olives, or nuts, all of which were stored in amphorae, the amount of goods being transported was assessed by weight.

The Pliocene Adventure -- Herbivores (Browsers) Part 1

The herbivores of the mid-Pliocene of Denver, Colorado, represent the single largest group of animals in the area, both in terms of diversity and in sheer numbers. This is to be expected, considering that they serve as prey for predators. The savanna located in the plain between the Front Range of the Rocky Mountains and the Aurora ridge is particularly rich in plant life, which not only supports the diversity and numbers, but also the various megafaunal creatures. It is well-watered, both by rivers and springs flowing out of the mountains and the ridge, but also by seasonal winter rains, plus the occasional summer thunderstorm. These support numerous trees. Nonetheless, total precipitation is low, and that combined with poor soil, grazing, and lightning wildfires prevents the trees from taking over completely.

The trees present are predominantly oaks, but also hickories, basswoods, and maples, with cottonwoods, ashes, and aspens. On average, the trees do not grow dense enough to create a closed canopy. As such, the open-canopy environment supports many tallgrass prairie species, as well as some forest species. These include forbs and shrubs as well as tall and short grasses. However, tree density is not uniform. There are places, especially river or pond riparian zones, where the trees do grow dense enough to close their canopies, and other places, mostly above the rivers, where the trees grow more sparsely, with a few places where there are none at all. The mix of environments allows the herbivores to segregate themselves: some live on the prairie-like expanses, some in the open-canopy savannas, and the rest in the forest-like closed-canopy woodlots. Some can move freely from one environment to another, while others never leave the one that serves them the best. Even so, those that move around still prefer one environment over the rest. Meanwhile, the ridge most likely was covered by scrub and brush, since there would be too little soil to support trees and grasses, while the foothills of the mountains were covered with conifers.

The animals were most likely residents rather than migrators, because both the mountains and the ridge would have made long-range east-west passage difficult. However, the plain most likely stretched from Boulder in the north, or even as far as Loveland, to Colorado Springs in the south, with its widest point at Denver, giving it a very large area. It is conceivable that a north-south migration might have taken place between summer and winter, and gaps did exist in the extreme north and south that would have allowed access to the prairie beyond the ridge.

Herbivores use one of two different methods to feed: grazing and browsing. Grazing is the consumption of the whole plant, or nearly so, while browsing is the consumption of parts of it: leaves, shoots, twigs, seeds, fruit, bark, or roots. Many grazers eat grass, but this is not required, though some herbivores are very specialized, eating just one species of plant while ignoring all others or eating just one part of a plant, while the rest are more general, with some that are virtually omnivores, even eating insects and small animals. No herbivore is completely one type of feeder or the other. Some are both, while even those that are predominantly one type will switch to the other out of necessity. Furthermore, a genus may have some species that are grazers and some that are browsers. Switching can be done for a number of reasons. For example, a wild goat might browse during the summer or the wet season, then switch to grazing in the winter or dry season. Migratory animals can switch because the same plants are not available in the different places they travel to. Other creatures switch if the opportunity presents itself, such as a rabbit switching from grazing grass to browsing on lettuce in a garden. Some switch back and forth throughout their lives, as the local weather shifts through a multi-year or decade cycle of monsoons and drought. Then there are creatures who graze and browse virtually simultaneously as they forage for food.

Because of the number of animals involved, I have divided the list of herbivores between four posts. Today's and next week's will discuss browsers, while after that I will present the list of grazers.

Once again, the genus name for each creature is given in parentheses.

Beaver (Castor) -- This is the contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species. Beavers were responsible for keeping North America well-watered and stocked with wetlands, which in turn encouraged the evolution of many wetland species of plants and animals.

A mated pair created a series of dams in a streambed fed by a spring and rainwater runoff from the ridge where Team Girl and Differel live. The site is below their cave and slightly south, giving them a nearby abundant source of freshwater. The spring water is fairly clean, so the primary pond, which is the largest and nearest, is also fairly clean and clear, except right after a rainstorm. The series of smaller ponds further downstream, however, pick up a fair amount of sediment and are cloudier. TG and Differel often swim in the primary pond, and fish and gather edible plants, crayfish, and clams from it to supplement their military rations. However, it is also a waterhole for local herbivores, including some megafauna, and their predators.

Beavers, Giant -- These Genera are extinct. They are the ancestors of the Pleistocene megafaunal giant beaver, and are themselves megafaunal animals. This lineage diverged from the modern beaver millions of years before the mid-Pliocene and are marginally more primitive than modern beavers. The Pleistocene Genus grew to be as big as a modern black bear.

(Dipoides) -- This is the second-to-last Genus before the emergence of the Pleistocene giant. It was twice as big as a modern beaver.

(Procastoroides) -- This is the last Genus before the emergence of the Pleistocene giant. It was about two-thirds the size of the latter.

These guys need more room and access to larger, more numerous trees than the modern beaver. TG and Differel find two families of Dipoides, one on Clear Creek next to the Front Range foothills, and one on Cherry Creek to the south, as well as a family of Procastoroides on the South Platte further north. Their larger ponds, almost like small lakes, serve as the major water sources for the savanna, along with the three rivers. The majority of the megafauna use these other sources rather than the beaver pond under the cave.

Camel, Goat (Capricamelus) -- This Genus is extinct. It derives its name from its goat-like body structure, particularly its legs.

Capricamelus evolved to negotiate rougher, often rocky terrain, like a goat, but otherwise resembles a llama. Unlike other camels, it browses to take maximum advantage of whatever food source is available. TG and Differel have seen goat camel herds on the heights of the ridge above their cave.

Chipmunk (Neotamias) -- This is one contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species. It lives in the closed-canopy forest woodlots and riparian zones. It is instrumental in the dispersal of tree seeds and fungi spores, and will cross semi-open or short stretches of open country to reach new woodlots, thereby spreading tree species over a wide area and helping to expand the woodlots. They tend to be omnivorous, also eating worms, insect, small vertebrates, and bird eggs.

These guys are like tiny bears. Though wary, they can get into almost anything where they detect food, and they are almost impossible to deter. Though they are not a nuisance in TG/Differel's home cave, they tend to get into their food caches when they sleep overnight in a woodlot.

Deer (Odocoileus) -- This is one contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species. Though not true megafauna, they are somewhat larger than modern species, possibly in response to the presence of large, powerful predators. They are the epitome of the newly emerging modern animals that will survive the Pleistocene extinction and replace virtually all of the savanna grazing herd species.

These guys spend most of their time in the closed-canopy and denser open-canopy woodlots, away from the larger predators and to avoid competition with the numerous savanna grazing herd species. Their willingness to eat a wide variety of plants allows them to utilize a wide variety of habitats, and they will venture out onto the savannah at night or when the herds have largely moved on in their seasonal north-south migration. When TG and Differel need fresh meat, they prefer to hunt these guys, because they are closer, less dangerous, can be ambushed from a blind, and there are fewer dangerous predators around them.

Gopher, Horned (Ceratogaulus) -- This Genus is extinct. These rodents were larger than modern gophers, almost as large as modern marmots, qualifying them as megafaunal animals, though in absolute terms they were only a foot long. They had two large horns on the tops of their snouts that were most likely used to fight off predators. They had poor eyesight and were burrowers.

These guys were already dying out in Colorado by the mid-Pliocene. TG and Differel find a small isolated colony of a dozen individuals, but throughout the year they were in the past they never saw any offspring, leading them to believe the colony was dying out.

Gophers, Pocket -- This creature comes the closest to being a rodent version of the mole. They spend the vast majority of their lives underground, emerging only to find food or mates, so they have poor eyesight and are adapted to conditions of low oxygen and high carbon dioxide. They feed primarily on roots and tubers, but will also take grass. They prefer loose, dry, sandy soils. They can be aggressive towards predators. They tend to be omnivorous, eating also worms and grubs.

(Cratogeomys) -- This is a contemporary Genus, and its Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species.

(Geomys) -- This is a contemporary Genus, and its Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species.

(Nerterogeomys) -- This Genus is extinct.

As a minor plot point, TG/Differel manage to find out what local plants are edible using an analysis device Mabuse sent back, and much trial and error. They decide to put in a vegetable garden, but while they manage to keep the larger herbivores at bay and accept some losses from the smaller ones, a single gopher devastates their garden, and despite their best efforts they can't catch it. After they give up, however, the garden spreads on its own, and it isn't long before they can harvest some veggies while leaving the rest for the gopher.

Gomphotheres (Cuvieronius) -- This Genus is extinct. The Gomphotheres were a group of elephant-like animals that closely resembled modern elephants in body, but had a diverse variety of jaw and teeth forms, and flatter foreheads. It's possible they were not as intelligent as modern elephants. Some Gomphotheres had four tusks; some had elongated upper or lower jaws or both with short tusks, while others had short jaws and long tusks. Some had a mix of both. Later Genera could be mistaken for mastodons. Their facial structure suggests they all had long trunks.

Cuvieronius strongly resembles the mastodon, but with spiral tusks. It stood 9 feet tall at the shoulder. Its teeth and isotopic analysis of its bones suggests that it ate a mix of plants, from both the ground and higher up.

TG & Differel discover a single herd that travels along the Front Range, feeding on the margins of the pine forests that cover the foothills.

Kangaroo Rats -- These small rodents are bipedal, with large hind legs that allow them to jump like kangaroos, hence their popular name. They also have exceptionally long tails for their size. They can make their own water metabolically, but they take advantage of whatever sources lie within their territories. While primarily seed-eaters, they will eat insects, too.

(Dipodomys) -- This is one contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species.

(Prodipodomys) -- This Genus is extinct. "Early kangaroo rat"

As a minor plot point, shortly after TG & Differel first arrive and set up camp in the cave, a kangaroo rat visits them. Kitty chases it, but can't catch it. It becomes a regular visitor, but Kitty can never catch it and finally gives up. That's when Sunny starts calling it Muad'Dib. It visits on average five times a week, and they soon learn that when it is out and about they can go outside because it is safe, but as soon as it disappeares they know a predator is about and they have to get back into the cave. It remains their companion the entire time of their stay, and it watches them go back into the future.

Lemmings -- These are small rodents that are larger than mice but smaller than rats. They have very short tails, and so resemble hamsters. They prefer moist environments, but can live anywhere from closed-canopy woodlots to open grasslands, as long as their is plenty of moisture. They are active in the winter, and will tunnel and forage under the snow. They can be aggressive towards predators. When local population pressure becomes too high, they emigrate, even crossing bodies of water to find new territories. They are subject to sudden population crashes. They can be omnivorous, eating grubs and other larvae.

(Mictomys) -- This Genus is extinct.

(Plioctomys) -- This Genus is extinct.

(Pliolemmus) -- This Genus is extinct. "Pliocene lemming"

(Synaptomys) -- This is one contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species. It is called the bog lemming because it is often found in bogs, but it can live anywhere wet.

TG/Differel note that the only lemmings they can find are in the margins of the ponds formed by the beavers, because they create marshy and boggy habitats, whereas the riparian zones along the rivers are too dry. A good sized colony has established itself around the lower ponds below the cave, which are starting to silt up and forming bogs.

Marmot (Marmota) -- This is the contemporary Genus, and the Pliocene species is virtually identical to the modern species. These are large ground squirrels that live in rocky habitats because they prefer to burrow under rocks for extra protection. They live in colonies that consist of a limited number of males and their harems of females. When they see danger they whistle to alert their neighbors. They spend most of their time in their burrows when not foraging for food. They will hibernate if the weather gets too cool. They tend to live on slopes. They can be aggressive towards predators. They are omnivorous, also eating insects and bird eggs.

TG & Differel find several colonies strung out along the line of the ridge where their cave is located, but they also notice that there are a few colonies on the plain at the base of the ridge. They take to calling them rock marmots and groundhogs, respectively. They sometimes hunt them when they want extra food.

Marmot, Giant (Paenemarmota) -- This Genus is extinct. It is the megafaunal version of its family, being twice the size of a modern marmot (3-4 ft long). Its lifestyle was more like the modern goundhog, in that it lived in lowland open country. It formed colonies like its smaller cousins and lived in burrows.

TG & Differel discover that Paenemarmota lives in open-canopy savanna or grasslands on the edges of closed-canopy woodlots. They warn each other of danger, but tend to be aggressive towards predators. They are accomplished swimmers and can even climb stout trees like bears. They are more herbivorous than their smaller cousins, but they will take small animals and bird eggs if the opportunity presents itself.

Mastodon (Mammut) -- This Genus is extinct. This is one of the two most famous elephant-like creatures in North America, the other being the mammoth. Compared to modern elephants, mastodons were shorter (7-8 ft at the shoulder), longer, and bulkier, with long low skulls with flat foreheads and much longer tusks that curved upwards. Their teeth were adapted for eating tree leaves and twigs, not grass (though they probably ate grass and other ground plants during certain times of the year), so they preferred to live among trees rather than open grassland. They were social like modern elephants, with females and young forming herds and the males mostly solitary.

The Denver plain (as TG have named it) boasts a few small herds and 2 or 3 solitary males. The herds maintain travel territories that are separated by "no-mastodon's-lands" that keep them well separated, while the males range more widely and freely. They prefer the open-canopy savannas and feed along the edges of the closed-canopy woodlots, but occasionally venture out onto the open grassland to graze. The males spend most of their time in the grassland and go into the open-canopy savanna mostly to feed, but sometimes to mate.

TG-Differel's observations verify that mastodons are social, and they are surprised by the degree of emotional attachment and affection they display. One herd, the smallest with four females and three youngsters, makes periodic visits to the beaver ponds to drink and feed on water plants. In addition to their own aggressive defense of their young, the mastodons are followed by apex predators, so TG and Differel stay away from the ponds whenever the resident herd comes to visit.

Continued in Part 2.

L. Neil Smith and Prohibition - Part 1

In last week's post, I quoted from L. Neil Smith's essay, "Empire of Lies", his argument regarding how FDR provoked the Japanese into attacking Pearl Harbor because he wanted a war with Japan. (For some reason Smith could not, or would not name.) As I said at the time, the entire section was long and rambling, and I cut out much of his verbiage that did not apply to the argument at hand. (I also had to leave a lot in to properly convey his argument, and to keep the quote from looking like swiss cheese what with all the ellipses.) That included two extraneous comments that had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor. One was about a secret British intelligence operation called "Intrepid", which I will deal with in another post.

The other was about Prohibition. Smith, naturally, doesn't like Prohibition; he sees it as an assault on personal rights and freedoms. Never mind that the majority of the people in this country actually voted for it; he implies that the government forced it on us against our will, to take away some of our freedom and thus curtail some of our rights. The story of Prohibition is a complex social drama with many causes, and many influences that shaped its development and implementation. Smith ignores all of that, and simplifies it into a tale of intrigue by a group of politicians and bureaucrats seeking to grab power away from the American people.

In the "Empire of Lies", he writes:

Prohibition had laid an egg, you were expected to believe, not because it was one of the butt-stupidest political ideas in the history of mankind, but because people had stubbornly and upatriotically [sic] refused to give up their individuality and the choices that naturally come with it.

He provides more details in another essay:

The classic case [of wishing will make it so] is the Volstead Act. For a century before its passage, its advocates, who believed that drinking is a Bad Thing (which indeed it may be) and demanded a law to keep people from doing it, ignored complaints that they were making a mockery of individual rights. For a decade afterward, they ignored its secondary effects, which proved more damaging to society than the use of alcohol.

Prohibition is to blame for a lot that's wrong with America today. It was the beginning of a popular disregard for the law. Millions of ordinary people who became criminals by fiat overnight, responded by drinking more than ever, many of them for the first time, simply to assert their rights. With the stroke of a pen, previously acceptable behavior was lumped together with acts that everyone agreed were wrong -- like murder and kidnapping. Moral lines became hopelessly blurred and have tended to stay that way ever since.

Prohibition put many unsavory types in business -- big business, as it turned out -- who are still with us. In a way that could never have happened if the do-gooders hadn't meddled in their private affairs, decent people were suddenly exposed to criminal (and legal) violence, just as if they were criminals themselves. And, although it wound up being partly repealed, Prohibition also set precedents for government meddling in every other aspect of individual life.

"When You Wish Upon a Star ..." The Libertarian Enterprise No. 76, June 12, 2000

Smith has some serious misconceptions about Prohibition, but in this he isn't alone. A number of myths have grown up around that period in American history. The most important include:

Myth 1: The 18th Amendment made alcohol illegal. Not really. The amendment prohibited the "manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors", not alcohol in general. In fact, throughout Prohibition, various people were allowed to continue to make alcohol, for medical purposes, scientific research, the manufacturing of fuel, dyes, and other lawful industries, and for sacramental wines. Also, a loophole in the subsequent law (see Myth #2) allowed farmers to ferment wine and cider, as much as 200 gallons a year, as long as it was meant to be a "fruit juice" for home consumption. This led to the sale of "wine blocks", bricks of concentrated juice which, if left in a closed container for 20 days, would ferment naturally into wine. These bricks even came with labels warning people not to do this.

In any event, even with "intoxicating liquors" the amendment itself made nothing illegal. Despite the Constitution being the supreme law of the land, it acts as a framework for government, dictating what the Federal Government can and cannot do. No one has ever been arrested for violating a clause or amendment of the Constitution, because they are not laws in the judicial sense. The 18th Amendment simply said that no one could make, sell, or transport intoxicating liquors, and it gave the Federal and State governments the authority to enforce this prohibition. Congress responded by passing the National Prohibition Act, otherwise known as the Volstead Act. Interestingly enough, Pres. Wilson vetoed the bill, but Congress overrode him.

Myth 2: The Volstead Act turned ordinary law-abiding citizens into criminals. Again, not really. This is based on the mistaken assumption that both the Amendment and the Act prohibited the possession and consumption of intoxicating liquors. In fact, neither did. (By the way, because the Amendment failed to define what an intoxicating liquor was, the Act defined it as any beverage with an alcohol content greater than 0.5%.) If you had a basement cellar filled with beer, wine, and spirits before Prohibition started, you could keep your stock, and you could drink as much of it as you wished in the privacy of your home; you just couldn't replenish your depleted stock. It's even questionable whether buying intoxicating liquors was illegal, since neither the Amendment nor the Act prohibited purchasing intoxicating liquors. You couldn't make them, sell them, barter them, transport them, import or export them, deliver them, or furnish them, but you might have been able to buy them, and you could own them and drink them.

Of course, if you weren't rich enough to have your own cellar and stock, and you wanted to drink, you had to get it from somewhere, and with the closing of legal taverns and saloons, the speakeasies replaced them. Popular culture, especially movies and TV, like to show gangs of police or Federal "G-men" raiding a speakeasy and hauling everyone off to jail, including the patrons. This is probably how people came to assume consumption of intoxicating liquors was illegal. In point of fact, however, no patron was ever arrested for drinking intoxicating liquors. There were plenty of other crimes they could be charged with, including conspiracy and drunkenness, but drinking or even buying a drink wasn't among them. In any event, most patrons were simply let go with warnings or at most fines.

Of course, if you had access to grapes or apples, under the Act you could make your own intoxicating liquors for home consumption, as long as you didn't sell, barter, transport, export, deliver, or furnish them to anyone outside your home. However, the same could not be said for beer or spirits. If you made these you could be in serious trouble, but you weren't likely to get caught as long as you consumed your home brew yourself. Nonetheless, the lure of making more than you needed and selling the access for profit could be too enticing. Bootlegging began when private citizens did just that; it only became an enterprise of organized crime when gangsters realized how much profit could be gained from it.

Myth 3: Organized crime flourished and grew more powerful thanks to Prohibition. This is controversial. There is no doubt that gangsters saw the potential profit in bootlegging, that they made millions from the sale of bootleg spirits, that crime increased as a result, and that intergang violence increased as different crime organizations fought each other for dominance. But, the violence was not nearly as bad as depicted in movies and on TV, most gangs tried to avoid civilian deaths so as not to turn the public against them, and the habit of creating legitimate front businesses had not yet taken root, so, again despite depictions in popular media, few gangsters openly, or even secretly, owned speakeasies. They just supplied the intoxicating liquors otherwise ordinary business owners sold to the public. Even the idea that Prohibition made organized crime more powerful and increased the number of gangs has been disputed. In his book I Love Paul Revere Whether He Rode or Not, Richard Shenkman argues that organized crime was no better off by the end of Prohibition than at the beginning; that at best it experienced a financial bubble that created a short-term boom, but led to a crash once Prohibition ended.

Myth 4: Prohibition was an utter failure. That depends upon how you define failure. One goal of Prohibition was to reduce the consumption of intoxicating liquors. Hard number are difficult to come by, but what we have indicates that by 1925 consumption had fallen to 60% of pre-Prohibition levels. It went up after that, but had only risen to 80% by the time Prohibition was repealed. So it did succeed in that respect. However, it did cause problems. Another goal was to reduce drunkenness, while another was to reduce crime, and in those respects it failed, though the crime it meant to reduce was the kind of petty theft and property destruction associated with alcoholism and drunkenness. It might have succeeded at that; we just don't know. But any reduction there was offset in the increase due to the activities of organized crime. Corruption also increased as police and local government officials accepted bribes to look the other way, and even protect one gang against its rivals. Other problems included the severe economic depression of the brewing, winemaking, and alcoholic beverage industries, including unemployment; the increase in cost to the consumer to continue drinking; the perceived bias against working class people, who unlike the rich had no private stocks to dip into when they wanted a drink; the increase in poisoning injuries and deaths as people drank denatured alcohol and alcohol substitutes; the disappearance of support groups to help people quit drinking (they had flourished before Prohibition, but decided they were no longer needed when people could no longer drink); the perception that politicians and other powerful people bought intoxicating liquors from bootleggers; the perception that young people could be led into vice by drinking illegal intoxicating liquors and engaging in other unlawful practices associated with it, such as gambling, drug use, and fornication; and the creation of a black market that competed with the US economy, which was already under pressure.

However, the primary reason that Prohibition did not succeed was because governments hadn't anticipated how great the problem of enforcement would be and were simply under-prepared. Neither could they get prepared, as the problem grew faster than they could adapt. The lack of a central authority made coordination almost impossible, and the ever-increasing costs at the local, state, and Federal levels, coupled with the loss of tax revenue from the sale of intoxicating liquors, along with the very size of the United States and its borders, severely hampered any attempts at enforcement. Opposition to Prohibition steadily grew, but it wasn't until 1930, when it was revealed that members of Congress themselves bought bootleg intoxicating liquors even as they tried to keep ordinary citizens from drinking, that repeal became feasible. The elections that year saw the dry Republican majority replaced by a wet Democratic majority which called for repeal. The modification of the Volstead Act in 1933 to allow the manufacture and sale of 3.2% beer did little to alleviate demand, and that same year the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th, making the Volstead Act unconstitutional.

Not that all of the effects of Prohibition were bad. For one thing, it encouraged the spread and subsequent development of jazz, once speakeasies started offering entertainment. It also boosted integration. Jazz entertainment introduced black entertainers to white customers, and in lower class neighborhoods speakeasies catered to "tans and blacks" as well as whites. This encouraged interaction in an easygoing, nonthreatening social situation that helped to get different races used to one another. Finally, transport of bootleg moonshine overland was sometimes done with specially designed cars that were faster than normal, and this led to muscle and stock car racing after Prohibition.

Continued in Part 2.

Ensemble Tropes-Part 2

Just because a story has multiple characters doesn't mean that an Ensemble Trope is automatically invoked. Ensembles are neither omnipresent nor ubiquitous, so they don't show up in every story or even most of them. Granted, certain Ensembles seem to be quite common, such as the various "buddy" duos or Power Trios, but for every Batman and Robin, Phileas Fogg and Passepartout, or Frodo and Samwise and Gollum, there's also a John McClane, Superman, or James Bond. If Ensembles seem to be everywhere, it's probably because movies and television tend toward this, to satisfy the needs or desires of certain demographics, to give as many members of the audience as possible a character they can identify with, and to provide plenty of opportunities for conflict. Literature and video games tend to use solo hero protagonists more often, but you will find many even in television or cinema, and if not the presence of a large cast is not necessarily meant to invoke any kind of Ensemble. The point is, Ensembles do not just "happen"; they must be invoked by the creator.

Having said that, Ensembles can creep into a story unexpectedly; that is, the creator still invokes them, but he or she may do so subconsciously. For example, they can grow out of a developing story or series of stories without the creator even being aware of it. My original intention for Sir Differel Van Helsing was that she would be an occasional guest star in a Team Girl story, to give them a Sir Integra Helsing clone to play with, but I liked the dynamic of their interaction, so I devised more stories featuring the three of them. Once I made Differel a Dreamer and began featuring her in her own stories, she became more of an ad hoc third member of Team Girl, and that's when I realized that I had turned the Adventure/Action Duo of Eile and Sunny into a Team Girl/Differel Power Trio. The same thing happened with Lady Margaret Chesham. I originally planned to feature her in a single story, then I developed a few more, then I found the dynamic of their relationship sufficiently intriguing that I decided to explore it in more detail. By the time I had made them frenemies, they had become firmly established as an alternative Adventure/Action Duo to Team Girl, and they eventually evolved into True Companions and a Battle Couple when I decided that Differel would train Margaret in hand-to-hand combat, and that they would be on-again, off-again lovers.

Then there's the fact that I wasn't even aware that most of these tropes existed. Medb was supposed to be a loner who took an occasional partner, like Conan; Team Girl a Batman/Robin duo (but without the costumes and neat gadgets); and Differel the head of a monster-hunting organization with Dracula for a slave. Though I eventually discovered that they invoked a fair number of Ensemble tropes, most were serendipitous; I did not consciously use them as I developed my characters and stories. They just seemed to gel as emergent properties that happened on their own. Actually, I can see now that I did invoke them as part of my semi-conscious inspiration; I just couldn't put a name to them at the time. That's part of what my study of tropes has so fascinated me about: the realization that I have used so many storytelling conventions without realizing it.

Four Girl Ensemble -- a four person team consisting of the mannish one, the sexy pretty one, the sweet naive ditz, and the wild card, which can be the team mom, the smart gal, or the big cool sis

***** So far, there is only one grouping that can support this trope:

Differel -- mannish
Margaret -- sexy and pretty
Sunny -- naive ditz
Eile -- wild card

There is, however, some overlap, in that Eile and Differel can trade places, Sunny is also sexy and pretty, and Margaret can act as a wild card.

Four Philosophy Ensemble -- a four person team consisting of the cynic (practical), the optimist (loyal), the realist (objective), and the apathetic (ambivalent)

***** Again, there is only one grouping that can support this trope:

Eile -- Cynic (takes a pragmatic approach to life and problems)
Sunny -- Optimist (loyal to everyone she loves)
Differel -- Realist (must deal with the world as it is)
Margaret -- Apathetic (laid-back, flexible, adaptive, can take or leave any situation)

Freudian Trio -- a three person team that consists of the id (the child; impulsiveness and emotion), the ego (the adult; discipline and balance), and the superego (the parent; authority and intellect)

***** The three primary groupings are:

Sunny | Sunny | Vlad -- Id
Eile | Eile | Margaret -- Ego
Medb | Differel | Differel -- Superego

Girl Posse -- the entourage that forms the clique around the Alpha Bitch

***** Before Margaret became Differel's Best Frenemy Forever, she played the Alpha Bitch at Gresham's School. She acquired four "friends" who formed her clique, and while she retained them even after she and Differel became close, she saw less of them as they all grew older, and she realized she had nothing in common with them anymore.

Hair Contrast Duo -- the fair-haired "good" partner and the dark-haired "bad" partner

***** Sunny and Eile; Dribble & Maggot.

The Hecate Sisters -- the maiden (adventurer), the matron (protector), and the crone (mentor)

***** Arguably, Differel has been all three. Before she turned 21, while still a virgin, she went monster hunting with Vlad (the Maiden). After she took over the Caerleon Order, got married, and had a son, she concentrated on protecting the UK and preserving the Order for when Henry took over (the Matron). After Henry took over, she semi-retired to advised him and set strategic policy for dealing with paranormal threats (the Crone).

Otherwise:

Sunny | Margaret -- Maiden
Eile | Differel -- Matron
Differel | Vlad -- Crone

Huge Guy, Tiny Girl

***** Vlad and Differel, when she was a child.

Knight, Knave and Squire -- the idealistic fighter, the pragmatic fighter, and the naive fighter

***** In the Dreamlands:

Eile | Sunny | Differel | Differel -- Knight
Medb | Eile | Eile | Team Girl -- Knave
Sunny | Bettie | Sunny | Victor -- Squire

In the Waking World:

Differel -- Knight
Vlad -- Knave
Margaret -- Squire

Lady and Knight

***** This mostly applies in the Dreamlands, though only Differel is close to being a true chivalric character. The other two are good fighters in their own right and can be rather earthy in their behavior.

Margaret | Victor -- Lady
Differel | Differel -- Knight

Margaret and Victor are Differel's "Ladies" only because she has sworn to protect them from all danger and will rush to their rescue at a moment's notice. Differel even recites love poetry while she lounges in a bubble bath with one or the other.

Subverted with Eile and Sunny. Neither are truly a knight or a lady, and they tend to act towards each other like equal partners.

Loads and Loads of Characters -- a cast of characters so large they cannot all be featured in every story, so they tend to appear and disappear as the plot demands

***** The entire Medb/Team Girl/Differel universe.

Lovely Angels -- female buddy teams, with or without sexual subtext

***** Team Girl; Dribble & Maggot; Differel, Eile, and Sunny; Differel, Maggie, and Sharona.

Nuclear Family

***** Eile, Sunny, Connie, Liza, and Snowshoe Kitty form one; Differel, Victor, and Henry form another. There's also Sunny and her parents.

Odd Couple -- involving main characters

***** Team Girl; Differel and Vlad; Dribble & Maggot.

Odd Friendship -- between supporting characters

***** Vlad and Victor; Victor and Mr. Holt; Dr. Carmichael and Sharona.

The Omniscient Council of Vagueness -- an organization that seems to know everything that's going on and is working towards some kind of goal, but is vague about the details

***** Her Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council. Though Differel counts it and its Lord President as allies, she knows that it will keep secrets from her and manipulate her into doing its dirty work.

The Only One I Trust

***** Eile and Sunny to each other; Team Girl to Medb; Team Girl to Differel (and vice versa); Differel to Vlad; Dribble & Maggot to each other. (In fact, Differel and Team Girl trust lots of people, but these are the people they trust with their lives.)

The Order -- an organization dedicated to a cause with membership by invitation only

***** The Caerleon Order of the Companions of St. George; The Order of St. Antony Demons-Bane (the Antonians). Also, the Order of the Garter and the Order of the Dragon.

Paid Harem -- a character's personal professional escort(s)

***** Arguably, Dribble & Maggot are this to each other, as each often drags the other along to a social or political function to serve as companion, conversation piece, and eye candy (and later as bed warmer). At the risk of sounding squicky, this was the primary reason Maggot invited Dribble to accompany her on trips with her father when they were children.

Victor went through a period when the press referred to him as "Mr. Van Helsing", but he got through it with amused aplomb.

Differel once had an affair with Billy the Stableboy (he was over 18), during which she used him as an escort on occasion. Though he loved it at first, the allure and novelty quickly wore off.

Power Trio -- the generic three-member team

***** Medb, Eile, and Sunny; Eile, Sunny, and Kitty; Differel, Eile, and Sunny; Dribble, Maggot, and Vlad; Aelfraed, Mrs. Widget, and Mr. Holt.

Quirky Household -- a normal well-adjusted family of eccentric, even bizarre, characters

***** The Team Girl household counts as this, both before and after the birth of their daughters Connie & Liza. Differel's household can count as well.

Red Oni, Blue Oni -- a duo consisting of a wild, passionate, brawny fighter and a subtle, controlled, cultured intellectual

***** Eile and Sunny, though Eile can be controlled and Sunny often is wild and passionate. Also, Dribble and Maggot, though Maggot is the wild one and Dribble the cultured intellectual.

Redshirt Army -- an army that exists merely to be wiped out

***** Depending upon the needs of the plot, the Caerleon Order paramilitary troops can either be an Elite Army or this.

Sword and Sorcerer -- a warrior and a magic user working together

***** Eile and Sunny in the Dreamlands; duh. Medb is both in the same person.

They Fight Crime

***** Eile's a tomboy bare-knuckle bruiser with a temper, Sunny's a scatterbrained girly-girl with a black belt in Improv Fu, and Kitty's an arrogant but adorable bloodthirsty carnivore; together they fight crime!

Differel is a Vampire Hunter and Vlad Drakulya is the most powerful Vampire extant; together they fight crime!

Dribble is a sword-wielding swashbuckler and Maggot is a spoiled stuck-up daughter of the peerage; together they fight crime!

Tomboy and Girly Girl

***** Eile and Sunny; duh. Also, Dribble & Maggot. Maggie and Sharona can throw off this vibe at times.

Town Girls -- a trio consisting of an an out-of-town girl (butch), an uptown girl (femme), and a downtown girl (neither)

***** Differel as the out-of-towner (she's from Merry Old England), Sunny as the uptowner (she was raised in an affluent middle-class setting), and Eile as the downtowner (she was raised in a lower-class inner-city setting).

True Companions

***** Team Girl (with Kitty); Differel and Vlad; Dribble & Maggot; Differel and Victor; Maela and Oda (Sunny's parents).

Vitriolic Best Buds -- best friends who bicker like an old married couple

***** Eile and Sunny are so devoted to each other that it can get sickeningly sweet (if not downright pornographic), but there are times when they snark and snipe. Usually it's Eile who insults Sunny, who then laughs it off, but Sunny can give back as good as she gets, and when she's REALLY pissed she chases Eile around the house with a baseball bat.

Differel and Margaret can sound like enemies when they really go at one another; even their nicknames -- Dribble and Maggot -- suggests an antagonistic relationship. However, they trust each other enough to confide secrets they would never tell anyone else and to watch their respective back, and each will risk her life to save the other.

Next week I will discuss Food Tropes.

Dreamlands Bestiary: The Ghast

Ghasts are a race of creatures that inhabit the Underworld of the Dreamlands. There is some controversy as to whether they are true natives, since their actual home is the subterranean and lightless Vaults of Zin. However, the Vaults have an opening in the Underworld in the same region as the Gug city, and the Ghasts use the Underworld as part of their hunting grounds.

Ghasts are basically humanoid in form, but there are significant differences. The most obvious is that they have legs and feet like kangaroos. Though they can walk, they use a curious hopping motion to move quickly, such as when chasing down prey. They have no tail to balance them, and so they stand and walk in a kind of crouch to lower their center of gravity. Their torsos and thighs are heavily muscled. Their arms and hands appear normal, but the fingers have claws like those on their feet. Their skin is pale gray in color, hairless, and rough in texture, as if covered with scabs or scales. The most disturbing aspects of their appearance are their heads and faces. They look remarkably Human, despite the lack of chin, forehead, nose and ears. Their eyes appear normal, if slightly larger, and bordered by heavy brow ridges. The skull is bulbous and elongated in back, but the overall effect is so familiar that many find it chilling. When closed, their mouths appear normal, but it is in fact larger than a normal mouth; the lips can pull far to the side and the lower jaw can drop further open, revealing sharp, peg-like teeth.

Despite a life spent in near total darkness, their eyes are fully functional and not overly large. This has led some scholars to speculate that their retinas are far more sensitive to light than even those of a Cat, that they are attuned to the infrared or ultraviolet regions of the spectrum, that the Vaults are not truly lightless as many assume (no one has ever returned from them to testify to their actual environment), or even that they use some kind of mystical vision. The general consensus, however, is that the Vaults contain some kind of fungus or microorganism that has weak bioluminescence, and their frequent visits to the Underworld require that their eyes work properly. Despite the lack of a nose or external ears, their sense of smell and hearing are very acute. Most scholars believe the former is explained by the presence of serpent-like Jacobson organ in the roof of their mouths, which can pick up scents as they breath, but there is no general accepted explanation for the latter, though speculation abounds. The most cogent is that their bulbous skull is filled with an ambergris-like substance that captures and concentrates sound waves traveling through the air.

Ghasts are savage carnivores and will eat just about anything that moves; they will even go after gilleytrots, when little else will. They may be the only known creature, other than sealife, that eats 100% of its diet in meat; even Cats are known to eat grass and herbs, certain grains such as corn, and nuts. They are cannibalistic when nothing else is available, or to eliminate the old, sick, and weak, but they also live in cooperative groups and hunt in packs. This allows them to kill even Gugs. Unlike Gugs, they have no fear of Ghouls, and these form a significant part of their diet. They relish Humans and will go to great risks to try to catch them. They are also partial to Cats, but seldom get a chance to hunt them since Cats only very rarely enter the Underworld, and even then only in force. Ghasts are immensely strong for their size. Their usual manner of attack is to grapple with their hands, then kick and bite until the prey is killed, incapacitated, or gives up. They usually go for the throat and try to disembowel.

There is no evidence that Ghasts ever inhabited the upper Dreamlands, as Gugs once did. Indeed, direct sunlight weakens and kills them, and even moonlight can make them sick, so they have never ventured out of the Underworld. They do seem able to tolerate the dim light of the Underworld, since they can spend considerable time in it, but they always return to the Vaults of Zin. Though they can display great cunning while hunting, if anything they are even less intelligent than Gugs; for example, Gugs can use and control fire, but Ghasts cannot. However, they do appear to have a language. While no one can say what they might get up to in the Vaults, in the Underworld they have never been seen to build any structures, use any kind of technology, or make any tools. Some people have speculated that they could set traps or use nets to herd and capture prey, but if so, no eyewitness has ever escaped to corroborate this speculation.

As a final word, one curious item is that they seem to be tameable. Though long considered mere speculation, this has been recently verified. So far, only individuals have been tamed, and only by powerful wizards, who use them for guards and steeds, but as long as they remain well fed, they act docile. Once tamed, they display remarkable ingenuity and manual dexterity, and are capable of learning basic yet complex tasks. This has led some scholars to claim that Ghasts are not so much unintelligent as primitive, and given the right inducement or instruction could experience a flowering that could lead to technology, culture, even civilization. If this is true, it suggests that Gugs may not be so much unintelligent as decadent.