L.D. Parker's Blog, page 2

Recovery, Reassessment, Relief

Whenever you experience something traumatic in life, you have to go through phases, often referred to as the stages of grief.  People tend to think that it just applies to when someone you love dies, but the truth is those stages can apply to ANY loss.Suffice to say, at the moment I get the joy of experiencing those things and coping can be a challenge.Thankfully I am beyond blessed by a GIGANTIC circle of friends and loved ones who are at the ready to help me with that, and even moreso, I was raised by a mother who was a mental health professional, so for me acknowledging and accepting help for emotional problems comes easily (sort of – no one wants to admit their mom is right…ever…about ANYTHING…Hi Mom!  Stop reading my blog…we’ve discussed this…it only ends in trauma for you... J)The thing is I find that the most important parts of getting past a trauma aren’t as detailed as the “official” five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).For me it’s three.Recovery – this can mean so many things, but mostly it means listening to your mind/body/heart to figure out what exactly it is that you need to recover from, and how you plan to do it.  It is remembering that you CAN recover.  You’ve recovered from past traumas, and this one will be no different.  Today, I’m focusing on getting my physical house in order to help purge and reset my mental health.  BIG shout out to my awesome newest neighbor who, as luck would have it, needs a home for an extra bedframe at the exact moment I need to create a guest room! Your recovery can be about finding a new hobby, or an old one you let go of because, life.  I’m kind of doing that too I guess with my return to writing.  The point is recovery is about allowing yourself to move forward.Reassessment – ok, we can’t deny something happened.  But although it’s a corny platitude, EVERYTHING happens for a reason.  Sometimes that reason is you’re an idiot and needed to learn a lesson, but still a reason.  We have to give ourselves permission to think about what happened (when we’re ready) and to look at it as objectively as we can – sometimes with professional help…my damn therapist is planning to buy a new yacht, funded by my sessions alone I’m sure...then again, she’s earned it.  In that thinking, we should search for the nuggets of learning and opportunities to grow.  What was good, what wasn’t?  What can we take with us to the next phase of life?Relief – this one is my favorite.  Once you’ve done the work, there is relief.  Actually, you will find relief comes in stages and waves.  It’s not a one and done thing.  You’ll feel relief at multiple points.  Relief that a bad situation is over.  Relief at discovering new things about yourself, or rediscovering old things.  Relief that you did what you needed to do.But there is one thing that you MUST do throughout the entire process – forgive. First and foremost, you have to forgive YOURSELF. Life is a challenge.  We stumble.  We fall.  We make mistakes – some of them monumental.  Beating yourself up about them doesn’t help you.  Forgiving yourself does.I used to have an acupuncturist who used to refer to these as FGEs – Fucking Growth Experiences.  These life challenges are an opportunity to grow, but sometimes they suck to go through.  But you CAN get through them, and you MUST forgive yourself for your mistakes.Forgiving others for the wrongs they’ve done you is a good thing too, but that one can be harder, and in my opinion is less necessary than forgiving YOU.  Remember – there is no manual to your life.  You’re doing the best you can, so cut yourself some slack.  Take the time to Relax, Relate, Release!

Do-Overs

You know what I love most about life?  The fact that so long as you are living, nothing is set in stone. You know what I hate most about life?  The fact that so long as you are living, nothing is set in stone.It’s the ultimate double-edged sword.  Nothing is certain.  Nothing is guaranteed.  That’s the down side.But the upside is the fact that you can always change who and what you are.  Change your circumstances.  Change your attitude.  Change your LIFE.I know, I talk about change a lot…I think it’s because life IS change, and once again it’s time for me to change.Those closest to me already know this, and those who aren’t so close but follow my personal social media accounts have probably figured out that my relationship of the last almost 2 years has come to an end.Not going to get into the how/why, because it’s irrelevant for the purposes of this post…and frankly I’m learning (carefully) that it’s ok for me to not be a 100% open book on every single thing in my life…although this particular tale MAY wind up being inspiration for my next book, so stay tuned – after all Faction (part fact, part fiction) is my favorite genre to write in.Wow, I get off topic easily…what was I talking about?  Right – change…starting over…a do-over.I’ve spend the last couple of weeks in pain and despair because I didn’t want this change.  I didn’t want to start again.  I didn’t want to feel the loss, and there is A LOT of it associated with this one.But the forces of the universe don’t really care about what we WANT – they focus on what we NEED.And apparently, I NEED a do-over.So today I find myself at a point of “Now what?”  and the answer is…I have no idea. And that is okay.We put so much pressure on ourselves to have the answers, to have a plan, to know where our lives are headed and what we are going to do next.Why?Life is about living.  It’s about loving.  It’s about laughing.  It’s about losing.  It’s about dusting yourself off and doing it all over again.So today I got up, straightened my tiara, and began again. I am going to give myself room to grieve, and permission to move on.  I will believe in the strength that I have inside, even in those moments when I’m not positive it’s there.  I will lean on those around me who have offered support, but also strive to remember that I have two perfectly good feet to stand on.  I will accept my role in the losses, but not blame myself for the things I was not responsible for.  And most importantly, I will keep moving forward.Do-overs are not always what we want to have, but they are always an opportunity to become more than we were before. So ask what do you want to become today?  Then look at your do-over as the chance to start becoming just that.

Horrible, Awful, Wonderful, Magical

In the movie “The Backup Plan” there’s this scene…Now, in the movie they’re talking about what parenthood is like – and they are spot on.  But the thing is, it’s not just parenthood.LIFE is like this.  Life is full of god-awful, horrible, terrible times.  But it is also full of amazing, wonderful, magical times.  The question for each of us is which ones do you focus on?  Which do you absorb?  Which do you remember?I’ve been told (and readily admit) that I have the world’s worst memory.  Seriously.  Introduce me to someone, and 20 seconds later I can’t remember their name.  Tell me a story and the next time you tell it to me it will probably be new to me.  I’m *that* person.This “ability” of mine comes in handy at times because even when bad things happen, I don’t really hold on to the negative feelings that go along with them.  I actively work to see the bright side, or put a funny spin on it, and move on to something happier.Why? Why not?Why should I spend my life wallowing in the bad, when life is full of so much good?Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy.  I have had my heart, feelings, emotions, spirit, etc crushed more times than I can count, just this week alone!  There have been situations, circumstances, and events that have tried to break me, crush my spirit, leave me devastated – and they’ve almost succeeded so often.But the key word there is almost. I will not be deterred from living the best life I can – from laughter, love, joy.  From enjoying both the small and big moments.  From working to see the humor in the bad ones.Take for example late last week…we were having flash flooding and my basement flooded.  During the storm, I got trapped in a mud room because I live in an ancient house and the doorknob fell off when I closed the door.  Water rushing in, no phone, nowhere to go, no way of opening the door.  I was terrified and furious that my family didn’t hear me screaming for help. Well, no, obviously I didn’t…either that or I’m taking the term “ghost writer” to a new level.  But when I did get out, I was ready to rip into my family for being so focused on video games and whatnot that no one came to my rescue, especially after they admitted that at least one of them heard me call “something”, but no one came to investigate why I was calling. But after initial anger dissipated, I began to laugh.  It was a total “I Love Lucy” kind of moment, I realized in hind sight.  Water almost up to my knees, door knob falls off - comedic gold!  Did it suck?  Oh yeah.  But I survived.Just like every other bad situation that happened in my life until now, I survived.Every time you get knocked down, you have a choice: stay down, or get back up.We can choose to focus on life’s hardships, or to focus on its joys.Focus on the horrible, awful, bad things or focus on the wonderful, magical good ones.Today I choose to focus on my favorite rainbow, unicorn, butterfly kitten – because life is colorful, magical, and phenomenal!  How about you?

Do Not Stand Idly By

I’ve refrained from posting much that is triggered by the state of the United States – really the world – today.  Specifically, the atrocities that are beginning because of the election of Donald Trump (this will be the only time in this I use it’s name).But today, I realize silence makes it win.I will not be silent any longer.This morning it used TWITTER – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that – it used twitter to announce a change in military policy.  It stated that no longer would any transgender individuals be allowed to serve in our military in ANY capacity.Are you kidding me?Our military – the greatest military in the world – is so amazing because the people who put their lives on the line every day for you and me to enjoy our Mocha Frappuccinos while we enjoy our everything bagel with a scosh of cream cheese in our ridiculously privileged lifestyles, those people are VOLUNTEERS.We don’t have a draft any more – or at least not an active one.  We don’t force service upon anyone.  These brave men and women choose to risk everything in service of your, my, and it’s unappreciative asses. They make a sacrifice for years and sometimes they make the ultimate sacrifice – their very lives – so that we can go around every day and enjoy all the beauties of God’s green earth, largely oblivious to the horrors that are inches away from destroying all that we hold dear.And it has now decreed that individuals who are transgender aren’t good enough to make that sacrifice?No sir. YOU are not good enough.YOU are not fit to shine their shoes.YOU are undeserving of the sacrifice they willingly make every day, while you sit on high and have childish temper tantrums on the internet.YOU are unworthy of the freedoms they ensure you have.YOUR contemptable disdain for their private identity demonstrates your basic lack of human kindness and empathy.And yet, tonight, those braver than brave will continue to stand watch.They will guard our shores, our skies, and our borders of all kinds to ensure that you can continue your psychotic rantings and illogical decisions.They will, in the words of the immortal George Orwell, ensure that “We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm.”YOU, sir, are the one who is doing harm.  To this country.  To these men and women.  To the world.YOU are unworthy of their sacrifice. YOU who sit in a marble palace, handing down declarations based in ignorance. YOU who would say if the poor have no bread, let them eat cake.With all of your corruption, your illegal activities, your inability to understand the basic human needs we all have, should not have the power to do this, and will not have that power for long if our system of checks and balances has any functionality at all.You disgust me on every level possible.To my fellow Americans – I implore you: DO NOT STAND IDLY BY.This man is out of control.  Period.His mental status is questionable on a good day.  His fitness for the position in which he now sits is indisputably absent.He is a proverbial turtle on a hitching post – clueless as to how it got there, and clueless as to what to do now.WE MUST USE OUR VOICES!I don’t care how you personally feel about Lesbians, Gays, Transgenders, etc – it doesn’t matter.  Have you ever served?  If not, would you be willing to take their place?  Probably not.  If you have served, particularly in active combat, can you honestly say that it would have mattered one iota if the person next to you, defending your back against insurgents was born male, female, or both?  Would it have mattered if the person they wrote at home was the same gender as them?  Probably not.Do you think that this issue, and all the issues that he has caused don’t impact you?  The travel ban?  The attempts to remove the first steps of universal healthcare?  LGBT rights?  Then let me remind you of history.  Before World War II began, a smooth talker came to power, and began to persecute those on the fringes of society.  I won’t go through the details because you should already know them.  But Pastor Martin Niemöller said it best in his immortal poem:First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist.Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.It doesn’t start with an attack at mainstream society.  It begins with an attack on those who are on the edges, who are vulnerable.  Who don’t have the backing of the rest of us.  But eventually, it will touch you too.In the late 1960s in Chile, a movement erupted that led to a song and eventually a rallying cry of "The People, United, Will Never Be Defeated!" - we MUST be that people.  We MUST unite and stand against tyranny.Use your voice.  Speak up.  Speak out.Do not stand idly by.And for those who may read this (if they even got this far) and say I am unpatriotic or disloyal because I speak in this manner against someone who won the election (I'll leave my thoughts on that and Russians alone for now), I say this: No, the fact that I speak up and stand up for what I believe in is the very definition of American Patriotism.  We live in a country where doing the right thing is what we believe in.  We live in a country where we are not obligated to bow down and pay homage to someone in power just because of the title they have.  We, in fact, have a duty to each and every American to speak up when evil doers are trying to bring us down.When this period of crisis is over - and it will eventually end - which side do you want to be on?  The one that stood up for the human condition, or the one that attempted to destroy it?Choose wisely.

Stand Tall

We aren’t even going to discuss how long it’s been since I wrote something – or the fact that I’ve started my last few posts with essentially that same phrase.Today, as I continue my quest to get back on track with my life, something hit me. I was in the ladies room, walking by the mirror and remembered that I’m trying to improve my posture – I’ve resumed morning yoga, and it truly makes a difference in how you carry yourself.  So I rolled my shoulders and stood up straight and tall.WTF?!?Who are YOU???The woman in the mirror grew by about 6 inches – ok, maybe 2.  Her entire midsection slimmed down, she looked confident, happy, and overall just lovely.  It was such a startling difference that I almost immediately released the stance.  Slouched back over I looked sad and short (yeah, I *am* short, but that’s not the point).  For a few minutes I stood in the mirror going back and forth – standing straight, hunched, tall, short, confident, beaten.What was happening?Then I realized that when we choose to stand up, to stand tall, it isn’t just about a physical change – although that is huge.  It’s a feeling. I want you to take a moment right now, roll your shoulders back in a circle, so they are down and your back straight.  Lift your chin and imagine a string from the top of your head lifting your entire frame.  See how that feels?  See what it does not only to your body but your mind?When we allow ourselves to focus on our physical presence and well being, it leads to better caretaking of our selves as a whole.  If we get in the practice of being present, not hiding, not trying to diminish our personalities, we are capable of so many great things.Life is hard.  It is full of setbacks, stumbling blocks, things that will try to knock you down.  The question is what do you do with those challenges?  You can choose to lay down and succumb and believe that the universe is against you and everything you do will fail. Why on Earth would you do that??OR you can embrace the suck and move the fuck forward (thank you military guys for awesome phrases). We try, sometimes we fail, we try again.  I can insert a million platitudes here about life being about the journey or what doesn’t kill you makes you blah, blah, blah, but we’ve heard them all before.  We know them.  It doesn’t make it any easier to get through.So we take the time to figure out what we need to do to overcome and move on.  I’ve spent the last couple of years on a roller coaster of emotional turmoil.  I’ve been to hell, played poker with the devil, and came back.  Now I’m ready to reclaim my fabulous self. Is it easy?  Hell no.  Of the 70 pounds I lost, I gained back 60.  The chick who was working out 3 times a day, writing poetry and novels non-stop, being super mom/daughter/PTA leader/church worker/community activist/everything-else-I’d-become is so far gone from where I am right now.  BUT, I am ready to get parts of her back.  I’ll probably never be that exact same woman, but today I’m standing tall and looking forward to who I’m going to become next.

Bring On The Hate

We’re going to start this post by overlooking the amount of time that has lapsed since I’ve written on this site…Ok, fine, I can’t quite overlook it, but we’ll just summarize it by saying a lot has happened.  So much of it rendered me quite literally unable to cope period.  There have been too many days in the last few months where just getting out of bed took all I had.  So suffice to say writing took a…not even a back seat, but another car altogether.So what changed today?Well, today I am feeling and living a bit better, but more than that, a thought struck me.  And as those of you who have been with me forever in my writing quests, a thought striking me is what always leads to my pen flowing.What is it today?Racism.Inward groan…how often do you talk about this??I know, race is one of my favorite topics…usually to make fun of.  But here’s what happened.I was going through my normal morning websites – Facebook, Twitter, and The Washington Post.  In doing so, there was nothing “new” (or at least not new since November 8th), but it suddenly hit me how many headlines were about race.  Not race exactly…discrimination perhaps.  Or otherwise social-unacceptable behavior.Socially unacceptable until now that is.“After this KKK banner came down, the real story began” The Washington Post“GOP Congressman Makes Openly White Supremacist Tweet” Slate“DC LGBT community center vandalized; worker assaulted” Fox 5“Man in Suit Humping ‘Fearless Girl’ Statue Is Why We Need Feminism” Huffington PostSo what do all of these have in common?  It’s not racism, so perhaps that’s not what my post is about.  It’s the fact that all of these stories – and hundreds more every day – are showing the ugly underbelly of this country.Since the November 8th election, the one thing that has bothered me the most of everything is how overt hate has become.  How what used to be hidden from view, talked about in whispers, is now openly “acceptable” in society.Now I say “acceptable” in quotes because I personally don’t think it is acceptable at all, but it seems that whatever used to keep those thoughts, ideals, and actions at bay has been removed, and people have been emboldened to let their hate flow freely.Now here’s the thought that made me write:Is this necessarily a bad thing?Don’t get me wrong – the actions that are being done around this country that are both overtly violent and more subtly harmful on a mental/emotional scale are horrifying.BUT…There is a small part of me that feels good knowing precisely where the bigots in my life are.I have zero wondering at this moment as to who in my circles needs to not be in my circles.There is a big difference between people who have different political or ideological leanings than me and those who are just straight out evil in my book.For example, I have a woman who I consider a good friend.  We were neighbors for years, and she and her husband moved.  Now I’ve always known that we view certain things, in particular the subject of abortion, very differently.  Yet we are friends because that one subject does not define either one of us as a person.  She and I voted differently and view things from opposite perspectives.  However, she is still today the warm, friendly, awesome carrot-cake making woman I’ve always known.  We simply agree to disagree, and that’s great.Then there’s the waste of carbon and molecules guy I used to work with who saw fit to go toe to toe with me about me needing to get over racial discrimination and that what I described as reasons for fear for my family were fictitious.  That over exaggerations of racial violence is what’s wrong with this country, and black people need to get over slavery because that stuff never happens any more…  Suffice to say he’s gone from my circles.My point is that there is something about knowing with absolute certainty how people really think that is a silver lining to the hate.You see, you can’t battle what you don’t know.  It is very difficult to put an end to, or address in any way, bigotry you can’t see or that you only have anecdotal evidence of.  But when it is this out in the open, in your face, bold, and blatant, there can be action.  There are consequences.  There are repercussions.  There can be justice.So, yes, I abhor so much of what this country is right this second.  We are seeing the worst of the worst in some of our fellow man, and it is ugly to say the least.  But at the same time, the rose-colored glasses are off.  None of this is new, it is simply in view.  And that spotlight shining down on the now exposed facets of society enables those of us who just want to live happy, productive, peaceful lives, to actually find the weeds in our garden of humanity and remove them, roots and all.

Not A Failure, A Delay

SO…Umm…(Awkward uncomfortable silence and shuffling of feet)If you’ve been journeying with me for a while, you know that I’ve been on a health/fitness quest.  I lost 70 pounds (WOO HOO!)…and I’ve gained back 53 of them…(Pauses for a moment of silence for the loss of my loss…)OK, yes, there is some shame, some sadness, some depression associated with this.There is no question that I feel like I’ve failed…that I let myself down…that I did all that hard work and then blew it.Those feelings suck.But here’s what I have to remind myself:I’m still 17 pounds less than I was at my heaviest.I amawareof the problems that led me to fall off the wagon.I have a desire to do something about it.I did it before, I absolutely can do it again.I can do it faster than I did the first time.I’ll take on #5 first – muscle memory is a real thing.Read this.  Don’t want to click the link?  Short version is that when you do good things for your body, your body likes it and remembers.  So when you do them again, it responds faster than the first time.Now as for the others, #4 – duh.  Why WOULDN’T I be able to do it again?  I still have full use of all my limbs.  My mind is in the game.  I have no medical issues or restrictions, so check!#2 & 3 are key.  You can’t change something if you aren’t first aware that a change needs to be made and second if you don’t have a want to change it.  Other people wanting it for you does nothing.  YOU have to want it for yourself.And that brings us to #1.  My #1 reminder.I did not gain it all back.Yes, I gained back 76% of the weight I lost.  76% is not 100%.  There was a study done at UCLA that looked at 31 long-term diet studies and discovered that about 2/3 of dieters regainedmoreweight than they lost.  They were WORSE off.I. Am. Not.I didn’t fail at what I wanted to do.  I allowed life to temporarily derail my progress.  Key word there – TEMPORARILY.So while, yes, since March 11, 2013 (the date I hit the -70 pound mark) I have regained 2/3 of what I lost, I am still better off than I was on August 1, 2011 (the date I recorded my highest weight and began my journey).Yesterday I worked out.  It was hard.  I hurt.  But I did it.Today, I made a plan – I knew I have a busy day on tap, so I woke up an hour early and worked out.  It was hard.  I hurt.  But I did it.And then, I cried.I cried because I lay on my sit-up bench and tried to do 20 sit-ups (broken into 2 sets of 10) and it nearly killed me.I cried because I wanted to do 20 lying leg raises (broken into 2 sets of 10) and the last 3 were the most pathetic leg raises ever done – didn’t reach full raise.I cried because when I used to work out with my trainer, Evil Eric, I could do 50 lying leg raises, WITH a dumbbell held between my feet, and at times getting my body raised almost to my shoulders – while cursing him out – it still hurt, but I could do them, and then crawl to my car.I cried because I used to joke with Evil Eric that I didn’t have a core and he would argue that I had one that was covered in a protective cushion, we just needed to bring it out.I cried because I used to *love* the feeling of my muscles burning, of the endorphins rushing through my body, of hitting a new goal.  I cried because I want so much to be where I was, and right now it seems so far away.I cried because I miss choking down a protein shake after a workout because my body wanted it.I cried because I felt like I let myself down.Then I stopped crying.I got up, and I did some bicep curls and some tricep extensions using the pathetic little colorful 3 pound weights that I used to scoff at.I limited myself to small sets and small weights because I learned something the last two times I tried to jump back into fitnessthinkingI was badass enough to go back to my old levels and wound up tearing a ligament in my hip the first time and pulling a muscle in my shoulder the last time.I used my brain to make decisions to get myself back to Evil Eric condition,knowingthat I can do it,knowingthat it will take time, butknowinghow good I’m going to feel.A weight loss and health journey is hard.  Doing it without the aid of surgery, drugs, fads, or any other “quick fix” is even harder, especially when people you know and love have either gone that route or suggested that you do it.  And while that may be right for them, onlyyouknow what’s right for you.For me, it’s the old fashioned way.For me, it’s a lifestyle, not a quick fix.For me, it’s proving tomyselfthat I am in control of my body, my health, and my life.I did this once, I can do it again, but even better.

The Hinges Are Off

A writer without words.That’s been me.I’ve spent the last week trying to figure out how to post about the events going on in this country, and unable to find the words.  Like so many of us, I’ve just not known what to say.What do you say to black men you know and love who are in fear for their very lives?What do you say to your children, some of whom don’t understand, others who think it doesn’t involve them?What do you say to yourself when you can’t sleep at night from worry, fear, and frustration?The answer is I don’t know.  Hence my silence.Then today, I was readinga post on a local blogabout some vandalism that occurred.  The post was about how someone set fire to a Little Free Library.  If you aren’t familiar with the concept, it’s where someone builds a structure, a bit larger than a bird house, and places books inside.  People are welcome to come and borrow a book or lend a book.  It’s a communal method of sharing literature.  It’s lovely and charming.So why would someone feel the need to burn it down?Well, in the comments, one person made the statement “It really feels like the entire country is on the verge of coming unhinged.”  My instant reaction was there are no hinges.  They’re gone.  The commenter went on to say “I have very uneasy feelings, not just for DC but all the U.S. Actions like this only further my assertion that there’s some seriously bad juju out there.”Dearest anonymous commenter, you hit the nail on the head and gave me words – for that I think you.I don’t know why this comment has fueled my fingers, but here I go.I do not know if this commenter is black, white, blue, green, or red.  Male or female?  Local or lives elsewhere?  No clue.It doesn’t matter either.“Uneasy feelings” are what so many of us have right now.This country is a powder keg and I believe the fuse has been lit.  The explosion is inevitable.  The explosion is beginning.And is scares the shit out of me.I’m afraid for the future.  For my children.  For my family.  For my friends.I’m afraid of what evil has really caused all of this – it’s not new, it’s also not organic.  I firmly believe there is something greater at work here, and the not knowing what it is is the scariest part of it all.The fact of the matter is that I, like so many, feel hopeless and helpless.  I don’t have the answers.  I don’t know what to do or how to do it.But here is what Idoknow:How to love.That’s it.Seriously, it’s the only thing I know.  It’s the only thing I can believe in and hold onto right now.I love people.Pretty much all people.And all I can do in the face of fear, anger, and hatred is to show that love.To try to be understanding of the pain on all sides, and not to cause any myself.I shed tears for every life that has been lost, and those that are likely to be lost.I can offer condolences and hugs.I can open myself to conversation with those who are confused.I can love.There have been so many posts about Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter vs Blue Lives Matter, and I’m not going to go into it in THIS post (stay tuned, I’ll probably get to those topics shortly).  I will simply say this – our lives are short enough as it is.  How about we stop making them shorter?

Where is Our Old Conversation??

Calm down – I know, change can be scary.  Just breathe.OK, maybe I’m talking to myself and not any of you.So if you’re here you’re looking at a brand new website!  I would *like* to say it was carefully crafted and thought through.  I would also like to say I hit PowerBall last night, but neither of those things are true.The truth of the matter is I was planning to move my webhosting, lost track of the time, was up against a deadline and lo and behold they deleted the old one.Meh.  Stuff happens.The good is that I have all my old information, and will migrate it here.The bad is that will happen SLOWLY…because…life.I can’t swear to knowing how this contraption works just yet, so thanks for bearing with me.  In the meantime, please wander around and let me know what you think of the new site!  I’d love feedback on how I can make it better!With Love,L.D.

Dear Universe...Thank You

Ever find yourself in the midst of a day that had you questioning everything in your life?I hate those days.Today has been one (and the day is barely half through).  I have a number of things that are constant stressers in my life, and today in addition to the usual cast of characters, I found myself panicking over a homework assignment, crashing on a deadline, and then having a fight with someone I care a great deal about.Shouldn't be a big deal, and it isn't...yet it is.So here I am at work, despising the fact that it’s an effort not to just curl up and break down, because that has come too easily and too often lately, and finding some completely Sylvia Plath-worthy poetry coming to mind.  While ordinarily I give in to whatever words my muse wants me to pen, not today.Today, I instead decided to clean off my desk.  In doing so, found a humorous note written to me years ago by one of the kids I adore.  Then I moved to the rest of my office and read some notes my kid left on my dry erase board when he was here last week, which included “WATER” (in all caps because I’m always dehydrated) and some To Dos such as “Win lottery” and “Get A+ in everything” and, my personal favorite, “Hugs Not Drugs”.Ok kid.So I was chuckling a little and began to feel a little better.Then a colleague e-mailed that I win for having the best written bio in the office.  Not sure I buy that, but the compliment made me smile.Then my doctor’s office called to verify some info and I had a super pleasant conversation with the scheduler.Then I went to the bank to make a deposit, had a very in-depth discussion over the fact that the assistant manager had so neatly stacked their container of dog biscuits (did you know your pooch is welcome in TD Bank?) in a slightly OCD, but super amusing manner, met a new head teller who thanked me for providing entertainment to a dreary day, and got 3 compliments on my dress.Lastly, one of my bestest, most awesomest, most amazing friends texted me with baseball tickets.Bringing me here…and now…to writing this.Mmmmkay Universe, message received.Here’s the thing – life is going to throw things at you.  There are going to be pressures and issues and struggles.  Some are daily, some pop up for no reason.  Sometimes you handle them perfectly, and sometimes they are too much.  You are going to have conflicts and fights with people you love.  You are going to have things happen that make you question everything about yourself.And you will survive.The question isn’t whether these things happen.  It’s what do you do when they do?Sometimes, yes, we cry and think about giving up and giving in.  But the important thing to remember is that you may not have control over what happens, but you have complete control over how you react to it.  And if you stop and look around, the Universe oftentimes will provide you answers (or at least distractions) to your problems to help you turn it all around.The constant stressers are still there.  My homework assignment, well I’ll deal with it as best I can and that’s it.  The fight with the loved one is done as far as I’m concerned, and if they carry on with it, that’s on them.  But right now, in spite of the things that give me reason to frown, I’m going to smile anyway.  I’m going to remember that I am a strong, positive, wonderful woman…with tickets to see her beloved Nats play tonight, so nothing can keep me down.In the midst of the storms of your life, just remember this: