Alan Orloff's Blog, page 17

LOL!

Back in April, I blogged about trying to be entertaining. I also mentioned the little stand-up routine I'd developed in conjunction with my KILLER ROUTINE promotional appearances. I'm here today to report on what transpired.

It wasn't always pretty.

Here's a dissection of my presentation.

I began with a few warm-up witticisms. "How many people have come to one of my events before?" "How many people have heard me speak more than once?" "How many people are just here for the cake?"

Then I talked a little bit about my books, and why I decided to write a series featuring a stand-up comic. To explore that fine line between comedy and tragedy. To have a suspenseful mystery with an "excuse" to include some humor. So I could watch Comedy Central and count it as research.

While the books in the Last Laff series are not funny-funny, there are spots where characters perform stand-up routines. I went on to explain the difficulty I found in writing a routine to be read and not performed. Without the benefit of the comic's timing, delivery style, and attitude, the routine is apt to come off pretty flat on paper. To illustrate this point, I read a short bit I'd transcribed from a Brand-Name Comedian. Predictably (and with my delivery style), it indeed fell flat.

I described what I did to circumvent this. I chose a secondary character and had him perform at an open-mic night, where the comedy standards are, well, practically non-existent. I went on to explain how an open-mic night works and then I suggested we simulate one. Right there on the spot.

Who wants to go first?

That's when I shucked my writer persona and donned my stand-up identity.

After writing a few crime fiction manuscripts, I realized I needed to do some research to learn more about crime. So I knocked over a 7-Eleven.

I discovered that my "comedy" went over better when there were more people in the audience, and that I fed off their energy.

All writers I know eagerly anticipate their reviews, and I've been fortunate to get some good ones, for both books. But my favorite review is about DIAMONDS FOR THE DEAD, and it's from my son: "No offense, Dad, but that book is way too good to have been written by you."

I've always held an admiration for stand-up comics. Now, it's doubled. That's hard work, getting people to laugh. Hard, hard work.

If you're a writer, you will encounter rejection. A lot of rejection. That's why you need a really thick skin. And I'm used to rejection, I really am. But lately, it seems like things have been getting worse:

Prince Makeenu of the Royal Family of Nigeria keeps refusing my checks.

Harry and David wouldn't let me join their Fruit-of-the-Month Club.

Rejection just follows me around. The Salvation Army won't take any of my old clothes. What's worse, they won't take any of my new clothes, either!

So far, I'd have to judge my experiment as a success. Many attendees made a point of coming up and telling me how much they enjoyed the presentation. They thought it was entertaining, even when my jokes bombed.

Now, I did notice a few uneasy looks from the audience, and I imagined them trying to extrapolate my writing ability from how I performed my comedy shtick. So to put people at ease, I made sure to sign books with the inscription: Don't worry, my writing is better than my stand-up.

I hope they bought it!

(This entry was "simul-posted" on InkSpot)

Same Bat Time

I'm thrilled to be guest blogging (the weekend shift) at Poe's Deadly Daughters. Come visit to learn what I think about the use of…

(I guess you'll have to click over to see!)

Down the Hall, To the Left

Here are the top ten things I get asked at book signings:

10. "Should I know who you are?"

9. "Do you live in a mansion?"

8. "Can I have a part in the movie version?" [Oh wait, that's my son who always asks me this one]

7. "How come your books don't have vampires in them?"

6. "Do you know James Patterson?"

5. "Are there refreshments?"

4. "If I give you a great idea, can you write the book and split the money with me?"

3. "Can you introduce me to your agent?"

2. "Have you written any good books?"

and the number one thing I get asked at book signings:

"Do you know where the bathrooms are?"

Free Books, On-Sale Books, and Raspberries

I was going to write today's post about some free and on-sale e-books from a few Midnight Ink authors. But my writing pal Cricket McRae beat me to the punch on her Hearth Cricket blog, and she did a much better job than I would have done. So I'll simply provide a link to her blog (along with my gratitude—Thanks, Cricket!).

And that gives me a few minutes to show off my insane wild raspberry patches.

This is the rear patch.

 

This is the front patch.

 

And this is a close-up.

Only about one month until pickin' time!

The Power of the Quota

The idea of sitting down at your computer and writing the first draft of a novel—an entire 80,000 word (or more) novel—can be daunting. An obstacle so tall and formidable that you might be dissuaded from even starting. But I've got an easy-to-implement method that will help you get that draft written with a minimum of pain and suffering (oh, there will be pain and suffering, but this method will help keep you from pulling out all of your hair).

Just sit back and rely on the quota.

Here's how it works. Take your end goal, say 80,000 words, and divide it by the number of days you have until your deadline. If you don't have any kind of firm deadline, pick a number, like three months (sixty days—you get your weekends off!). Dividing 80,000 by 60 results in a daily quota of 1333 words per day. Why, you can knock that off in an hour and a half! (Okay, two hours, tops.) As a reward, once your goal is reached, you're free to do whatever else you want that day (yes, even Facebook)!

If you hit your daily quota, then in three short months, you'll have an 80,000-word draft of a novel.

Of course, then comes the fun part.

Nailed!

Guilty! Caught reading crime. Visit Jen's Book Thoughts to see the incriminating photo.

Fanboy Forever?

Today I'm at InkSpot blogging about morphing into a Fanboy. Click over and tell me if that stage will ever pass. (I hope not!)

Gaithersburg Book Festival

Q. What do Thomas Kaufman, Rita Mae Brown, Donna Andrews, Alex Berenson, Louis Bayard, Stephen Hunter, Brad Parks and…me have in common?

A. We are all appearing at the Gaithersburg Book Festival in the Dashiell Hammett Mystery Pavilion this Saturday (tomorrow)!

I'm batting leadoff at 10:00 am, followed by that bunch of terrific writers.

But the Festival is not just about mysteries! There are seven other pavilions encompassing other genres: fiction, non-fiction, children's, YA, and even special interests!

And of course the Unicycle Lady will be there!

It's a full day of fun and books, books and fun (and food!).

Hope to see you there!

I'm a Pod(cast) Person

I've blogged about The Writer's Center in Bethesda, MD before. It's a great place for writers of all types: fiction, non-fiction, rookie, experienced, young, old, published, unpublished.

I've also blogged about the advertising campaign I was thrilled to be involved in. You know, the one where my ominous face appears on DC Metrobuses along with a quote:

"Attending workshops at The Writer's Center was—without a doubt—the biggest factor in my improvement as a writer."

Now, I'm honored to be part of their podcast interview series, alongside other writers Angela Davis-Gardner, Kelli Stanley, Alan Cheuse, and Alice McDermott.

The free podcast can be heard here, and it is available (also free!) on iTunes.

Thanks to ace interviewer Art Taylor (a 2011 Derringer Award winner) for making me sound a lot better than I am, and to Kyle Semmel of The Writer's Center for asking me to participate!

*****

Doing the podcast interview was a lot of fun, but I'm anticipating having even more fun this Sunday, May 22 at 2:00 at The Writer's Center. That's because I'll be doing a joint reading (it's free, too!) with my first instructor there, Ann McLaughlin. I'll be reading from KILLER ROUTINE, and she'll be reading from her latest novel, A TRIAL IN SUMMER.

Books, Chocolate, and Wine!

I had a great time at yesterday's event/signing at One More Page Books in Arlington, VA. If you need books (and who doesn't?) or if you need chocolate (and who doesn't?) or if you need wine (and who doesn't?), you should check out this new store. No joking!

A big thanks to Eileen McGervey and the rest of the characters at One More Page Books!

Some highlights, in pictures: