Arvind Devalia's Blog, page 7

How to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Even if You Don’t Want To!

Are you a positive person?  Or are you a merchant of doom and gloom? click to tweet

There are some people who somehow always seem able to look on the bright side of things, no matter what is going on in their life.

Then are other people who seem to delight in looking at all the things that are wrong in the world and all the things that could go wrong for them. And you may have noticed how things invariably go wrong for them!

Do you know someone negative who is like this? Or maybe it’s you!?

Yes, things can go wrong and stuff can happen – even if you are a “good” person.  It’s all just simply part and parcel of the tapestry of life.

It’s how you deal with whatever life throws at you is what matters – and it’s what will ultimately help you grow as a person.

Let me share my own story of what happened a few years ago – I had just lost my job, split up from my wife and was also about to be thrown out of my rented apartment.

Yes, I can’t even imagine now what I went through then. And yes, things looked dire but I realized over time that in the grand scheme of things, my stuff really didn’t matter.

If you are currently facing many challenges, then perhaps you want to consider this – maybe life would become rather dull if it became plain sailing!

I am not advocating creating drama in your life for the sake of it – clearly you don’t want to consciously create negative experiences for the sake of it. What I am advocating is that once stuff is happening in your life for whatever reason, it’s how you deal with it that matters.

I am also not suggesting that you become a happy, clappy smiling person, oozing sickly sweet goodness and beaming positively without any grasp of reality!

Here are my 3 steps for getting things in balance and to always look on the bright side of things:-

1. Get Things into Perspective.

Firstly ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen?

Are you worrying about something unnecessarily?

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday” – John T Tindsley click to tweet

It would help you to get things into perspective. I suggest you grab a pen and paper and write down all the things that you are worried about.

For each item on your list, break it down further and ask yourself:-

What’s the worst that could happen?

Will this really matter in years to come?

Does this really matter in the big scheme of things?

I guarantee you that by simply writing down your worries and briefly analysing them like this, you’ll feel lighter and freer.

Stop taking life so seriously – be outrageous and change your life forever.

So going back to my own story of a few years back when my whole world was crashing around me (even though I was a good person), I had to get things into perspective – fast.

I went through all my worries and problems and though it was hard to be logical during this heart-breaking time, I realized that I still had my own faculties and I could rebuild my life, no matter what. And just a few months later I was back on my feet and on the threshold of a new life and a new career as a coach.

Please know that I do not intend to downplay whatever challenges you might currently be facing, but my invitation to you is this – just go through your list of woes and worries, real or imagined, and have the clear intention to get a different perspective on them.

Also, if you want to be cheered up immediately and be amazed at the wonder of nature, then check out my video on Facebook of a dancing peacock! It’s the same peacock in the image at the top of this post:-

Peacock in Regents Park strutting its stuff!

2. Dump Most of Your Worries

If you have done the exercise above properly, you may have the same realization that I did all those year ago – most of the things you worry about are out of your control!

Please get this once and for all – people can’t do much about most of the things that they moan about.

The greatest realization I had years ago was to focus only on those things that I can actually do something about!

For example, here in the UK it’s almost our national pastime to moan about the weather. Partly it’s understandable as it’s been proven that the UK weather system is the most changeable in the world. Our weather is just not “reliable” and the forecast is often inaccurate. This is just a quirk of our geographical location and it is what it is.

Yet so many British people base their daily mood on the vagaries of the weather!

It amazes me to hear people when they say the “weather is miserable” or “it’s dark and gloomy outside”. For goodness sake, have YOU ever experienced “miserable weather”? You might go out and get wet if it’s raining, but the rain is not miserable in itself – it’s the meaning you are giving to it.

Even the TV and radio weather reporters are caught up in this trap of gloom and doom – rather than just telling us that it’s going to be raining today, they insist on telling us that it’s going to be another “wet and miserable” day – thereby almost instructing the whole country to be miserable!

Next time you hear a weather forecast on TV or Radio, see what negative interpretation the reporter is putting on the weather. Remember – the weather is just weather!

By the way, I am not ranting here about the British perspective of our weather. Though it is something I feel strongly about as it clouds a whole nation’s outlook, I am accepting it for what it is – and you’ll never hear me complaining about the weather. And maybe I could do something about it – but I am happy to focus on things which I consider are more important – such as tackling world hunger.

My point is this – accept that there are so many things in your life and in the world that you can do nothing about!

Reflect on all the worries that you have listed and let go of the ones you can do nothing about – such as the weather!

If it really helps you to let go of these worries, talk to a positive and bubbly friend. Of course if all your friends are also full of doom and gloom, then you have to urgently do two things – first send them a link to this article – and then find new friends!

I made that last suggestion slightly tongue in cheek (because positive people are like that – and we never take ourselves or life too seriously) – but honestly, if all your friends are also negative, then you do need to ask yourself how they are supporting you in your life. Why are they even in your life!?

Be careful that you and your friends don’t all simply end up validating each other’s negative view of the world.

One positive, upbeat, well-meaning friend with your best interest at heart is worth countless negative so called friends who would most likely prefer you to stay at their level of doom and gloom.

Once you have carried out my suggestions in this article, your friends WILL notice something different about you – they’ll wonder why you are no longer supporting them in acknowledging and affirming their world of misery.

They may even wonder if you were taking some happy pills or if you had joined a cult. If they ask you how come you are suddenly so much more positive and happier, just tell them that you read an article by Arvind Devalia :-).

By the way, I am not advocating you dump all your friends over night. If only one could! But as you focus on the positive things in your life, your friends circle will shift gradually and you will attract more suitable, upbeat friends and people into your life.

Remember, you can be annoyingly positive and still keep your boring friends!

So step two is dump your worries (and maybe some friends too ).

3. Take Simple and Focused Actions

By now you’ll have whittled down your so-called worries and you should be left with a much shorter list of things that you can actually do something about!

I now even hesitate calling them “worries” in this context. Really, what you have got now is a list of concerns about certain aspects of your life.

And most importantly, these concerns are actually areas of your life that you can actually DO SOMETHING about.

Hallelujah! Nirvana!

All those things you were worried about and being miserable over are gone. How great is that! Now you are in a position to actually move forward in your life.

And this is the MOST important takeaway for you from this article:-

Take the FIRST step in your life to tackle what’s been concerning you.

This is what you must do now. Take the first item on your list and break it down into simple, logical action steps you need to take to make it happen.

So for example, going back to my own life scenario a few years ago, I realized that the most important step for me was to get a new job. I broke down my action steps into updating my CV, registering with 10 agencies, speaking to friends and contacts in my industry, visiting internet job sites daily etc. I made it my full time job to get a new job – and less than 3 weeks later, I had 2 job offers. And the rest is history.

During one of the job interviews, the interviewer probed into my personal situation and when I explained where I was at and what was going on in my personal life, he was amazed at how positive and upbeat I was. He actually offered me a higher role than the one I had been interviewed for!

The lesson for me was this – when you are being authentic and you are genuinely upbeat, people want you around them and they want to help you. Then naturally good things come your way.

And good things will come your way too – as long as you start taking positive actions to allay your concerns.

The action you take doesn’t have to be anything dramatic either. So far example, if you have financial concerns, it could be as simple as calling the bank and making an appointment to see an adviser  If you have just broken up from someone, then look at meeting up with a friend for tea and talking over things, rather than mopping at home.

Your life will be simplified and a path forward will become clearer as you go through your concerns – just remember to take simple, logical steps.

It’s up to you – you don’t want to one day look back and say “if only“.

Just remember the words to the famous song from the Monty Python team in “Life of Brian” – Always Look on the Bright Side of Things!

  

The Way Forward

Earlier on I mentioned something about how some positive people I have met are simply happy, clappy people, oozing sickly sweet goodness and beaming positively, without any grasp of reality.

Most likely you have met someone like this – so you probably know just what I mean!

Well clearly, we don’t want to you to become one of them.  However, what I do want for you is to see that it is possible to go through life without being angst ridden and full of anxieties and worries.

By getting a deeper perspective about what’s concerning you, letting go of those things you can do nothing about and then taking focused action in those areas which will truly impact your life positively, will do wonders for you.

So dear readers, the choice is yours – begin today and open yourself up to a more upbeat way of living. And know that from today onwards, you’ll never ever moan about the weather and nor will you let your friends dump their stories of gloom and doom on you.

Always remember that no matter what, the sun is always shining above the clouds. In the same way, there’s always something better for you around the corner. You just have to take a few simple steps and make it happen.

Have sunshine in your life all year around. 

I wish you all an amazing life journey, full of sunshine, upbeat friends and of course most important of all, reliable weather forecasts .

(This article of mine was previously published on Elle Sommer’s blog at Reflecting a Life).

The post How to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Even if You Don’t Want To! appeared first on Make It Happen.

James McCartney Interview: Inspirational Lessons in Life from a Rising Superstar

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Who is the most inspirational person you have met in your life?

And what lessons in life did you learn from this person?

One of the best ways to improve your life and take it to the next level is to learn from people who have already done it or doing it now, or from someone who is about to take off in life within their own chosen sphere.

Sometimes in life you meet someone who you just know is going to make a big impact in the world – and one such person I know and have in my life as a friend is rising star James McCartney, who is both an accomplished musician and an artist.

I first met James almost 6 years ago and I have had the pleasure to see him grow and develop over the years, both as a person and in his profession.

He has really focussed on what he wanted in his musical career and all his hard work and efforts are now coming to fruition.

Last week I saw James McCartney perform live in London in front of a sell-out concert and he blew the audience away with his powerful and moving performance.

He even out-shined two all-time musical legends, Ronnie Wood and Sir Paul McCartney!

James McCartney is now on the threshold of a sell-out USA Tour featuring 47 dates over 2 months.

I had the opportunity to interview James and ask him to share some of his lessons in life with us – and here’s what he shared:-

1. James, welcome to Make it Happen! Thanks for making the time in your busy schedule to share your inspirational story with my readers. And congratulations re your forthcoming USA Tour and the release of your forthcoming album!

Please tell us more about your USA tour.

Thanks Arvind for the warm welcome – I am delighted to be here.

My USA Tour begins this Saturday 6th April when I play in Portland Oregon – I then continue around the country with a total of 47 gigs all around the USA in 27 States.

I am really excited about this new adventure and it’s great to know that the tour looks like it’s going to be a sell-out.

Next week, I am looking forward to playing at Coachella in California and from there to gigs in New Mexico and the rest of the country. I can’t wait to get going!

2. James, it’s all so exciting!  I have listened to some of your new tracks and I also heard you live last week at your sell-out London gig, where your Dad joined you on the stage.

Please tell us more about your forthcoming album.

I can’t talk too much about the album as it’s not finalised yet! My first full-length album is called Me and for my first album I wanted to make a record that would be intimate, deeply personal, and honest

I wanted to create an album that would say, ‘This is who I am…both musically and personally. This is Me.”

I can’t say anything more – and I have to be a bit coy. There may be some surprises – so all I can say is watch this space….

3. Now James, 47 performances in 2 months – that sounds quite gruelling! So how do you stay energised and focussed?

For a start Arvind, I don’t see it as gruelling! I see my USA Tour as an adventure and the next step of my journey, both musically and as a person.

To support me in my daily life, I have already developed a solid self-care routine which involves healthy eating, regular exercise and of course meditation.

Transcendental Meditation (TM) plays a big role in my life as it has done for my father and the other Beatles. I meditate regularly – twice a day – and I have learnt 4 advanced TM techniques.

I find that just 30 minutes of TM refreshes me as if I had slept a few hours!

4. James, but why TM? There are such a myriad of meditational techniques and teachers out there that newcomers to meditation can get so confused! Please explain why TM and why it’s so special to you?

Firstly TM is a tried and tested method going back many decades, with millions of practitioners around the world. It helps you in so many ways such as de-stressing, relaxing, calming down and getting clarity of mind which helps in problem solving

My dad introduced me to TM after the Beatles went to Rishikesh and were taught by the man himself - Maharishi Mahesh Yogi who developed TM and spread it all around the world.

As for regular exercise, I do the usual fun things – walking, running and cycling. I also have my favourite Yoga asanas (postures) as part of my daily practice and self-care routine.

Of course, the core of my self-care routine is healthy eating habits. I am very keen to always eat well – I have a vegetarian diet leaning towards Veganism.

Clearly what you put into your body is key to how you develop as a person and how you function!

“We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavours, and furniture polish is made from real lemons” – Alfred E Newman

5. James, before we move on to your vegetarianism, let’s talk a bit more about TM.

We have often discussed your meditation practice and how it helps you keep going.  Please tell us more about your daily practice of TM and how others can also do the same.

Transcendental Meditation is very easy to learn and apply in your life!

Firstly, learn TM from a trained teacher and there are now many TM centres around the world. Once you have learnt the basic technique, make sure you do it every day.

The key is this – you must make time for TM daily!

After regular practice, you will soon notice yourself becoming calmer and happier. You’ll also snap out of situations in which previously you might have stressed yourself out.

You’ll then find out why TM is different. But people have to find their own meditation and yogic path – it’s more important to choose a method that resonates with you and follow it every day, such as the one you yourself follow from Sadhguru.

6. James, let’s now move on to your diet. One of the many things about you that always resonated with me was your staunch vegetarian beliefs. How much did your parents influence you on this path? And why do you believe everyone should follow such a path?

As everyone knows, my mother Linda McCartney was a great advocate of animal rights – and she even founded a company marketing vegetarian meals – Linda McCartney Foods.

My parents taught me from a very young age to be compassionate towards all sentient beings. I know that this may sound very Buddhist, but that’s what I really do believe.

By the way, I have been influenced spiritually by all the major religions – and I take from each world religion what resonates with me.

And though I strongly believe that vegetarianism is the best way forward for the world today, it’s up to everyone to make their own informed decision.

“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be vegetarian.” — Sir Paul McCartney

Editorial note from Arvind:- Sir Paul McCartney is well known for his support of PETA – and I invite you to watch this special PETA video in which he provides the commentary as the meat industry is exposed for all its inherent cruelty.

WARNING:- This Video is not for the squeamish.

7. Now James, I have to ask you this – with such an influential, world-figure as a father and such high-achieving, high profile sisters, have you ever felt any pressure to also super-achieve and to make your mark on the world?

Firstly, I am so proud yet truly humbled by what my family has achieved, the contribution they have made already and the impact they continue to make on the world.

As for any family-pressure, real or perceived, that pressure really comes from me rather than anyone else!

My own desire to excel drives me to do really well in everything I do.

Quite simply, I want to make the most of my time here on earth. And I believe that everyone should also strive for excellence too.

8. James, you have a fabulous role model and mentor in your father, Sir Paul McCartney. To what extent has your father influenced and guided you?

Firstly, as I said earlier, I am so proud of my dad! Of course, he’s taught me all I know about music but much more importantly, he’s instilled in me how to be a good person, have high morals and help others.

My dad will always be a key and important part of my life.

9. James, coming back to you and your musical career – I guess what my readers may be curious about is what else would you have done if you hadn’t followed a musical career?

I grew up wanting to be an artist, and have always been interested in drawing, animation and sculpture so that’s something I am still pursuing – all forms of art.

10. James, I know what a keen painter you are and have even seen some of your work. Tell us more about how that came about. Any plans to follow a career as painter?

Yes, alongside everything else I do!

I really see my music and my art as a way of being of service to others. That’s what drives me forward in my career as both a musician and an artist.

“It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love” - John Lennon

11. Great, we look forward to seeing your art in an exhibition one day soon! So apart from your parents, who else has made a big impact on your life?

Musically, I am so grateful and indebted to the other Beatles - John Lennon, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. Others from the world of music who have influenced me are the late and great Kurt Cobain, Robert Smith and Radiohead.

Gandhi and Maharishi have hugely influenced my philosophy.

And then of course there have been many special friends in my life, including those friends who greatly influenced my TM journey – David Lynch and Bob Roth.

12. James, one great thing about you is how you never take life seriously! Though you may appear a little shy and reserved, I know there’s a mischievous and fun side to you. And you are truly young at heart!

Please share a bit more about this side of your personality. Do you think people take life too seriously?!

Yes! It’s good to chill and have some fun! We never know what’s around the corner!

And why would you ever want to grow up anyway!? 

13. We once discussed how having fame and a public persona is a gateway to making a positive difference in the world. So how do you see yourself changing the world in the future?

By spreading the words of my music – and by promoting the message of peace and love.

Although life can be rather complicated and challenging for so many people nowadays, I ultimately want to contribute in some big way to solving some of the major world problems we face today.

14. James, now we come to perhaps the most important part of this interview! You have such an inspirational life story and strong presence. So what 3 or more lessons in life can you share with Make It Happen readers?

 - Help others – contribute and be of service

- Never give up – focus and take action to get what you want

- Focus on your highest good and finding inner peace

15. So James, as we wind up – where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

Professionally, I want to release more albums and do a world tour. Ultimately, I simply want to follow my heart and also do more art, whilst at the same time make a positive impact on the world.

Personally, I want to become even fitter and healthier, and further develop my spiritual practice and growth. I’ll continue with my TM and want to complete the TM Sidhi program.

16. James, good luck with all those things. Very inspiring! And now we all have so much to look forward to from you. Before we finish, please share a little fun or personal anecdote which you have never shared with anyone else.

I would like to share something personal about my mum.

She once said to me to write and perform lots of songs – and I am so chuffed I am now about to do just that on my forthcoming tour .

17. James, thanks so much for your time and for letting us into your world. Any final words?

Thank you Arvind. It has been my pleasure.

My final words are this:-

Get the Life you Love and live it!!!

Apparently, that’s all you need to do – get the life you love and live it. Some smart guy even wrote a book with this title

Thanks very much James for that kind reminder of my book!

(Readers can get their own paperback or Kindle copy of “Get the Life you Love” from Amazon USA / Amazon UK.)

Now all my readers and I need to do is to wish you a wonderful and successful USA Tour – you are going to have a ball!

James, good luck and god bless.

Footnote from Arvind:- At the time of writing there were still a few tickets available for James McCartney’s tour but they are going fast.

So dear readers, please check out the full details of James McCartney’s tour and grab this unique opportunity to see a rising superstar live in action.

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The post James McCartney Interview: Inspirational Lessons in Life from a Rising Superstar appeared first on Make It Happen.

How I Got My Mojo Back – and Now So Can You!

Have you ever wondered what you are doing on this planet? And why?

I have been asking myself the same questions lately – and I have to be honest – I still haven’t got much of a clue!

I always seem to do a lot of soul searching at this time of the year. And that’s because today is my birthday. Yes, I am officially a year younger today!

Of course, I’ll never ever be a grownup – I mean WHY would you ever want to grow up anyway?

My late grandfather always used to mock our birthday celebrations by saying that it was nuts to celebrate a birthday – it just meant you were that much nearer to your ultimate demise i.e. death.

So you may even think it’s kind of taboo talking of death on my birthday. But in some spiritual circles they suggest that you “die” at the end of every day – and every morning you are reborn. In which case you and I have already died and been reborn thousands of times!

Before we go any further, I have something for you – a birthday gift from me to you:-).

In my last blog post, which was about how to be outrageous and change the world, I announced the launch of my Kindle book “Get a Life”. Well, it’s FREE today and tomorrow on Amazon.

Please go and get your copy from here ASAP – get your copy from here – Amazon.Com / Amazon.Co.UK

I hope you get a lot of value from “Get a Life” – it was the first book I ever published and it’s a simpler version of my Amazon best-seller “Get the Life you Love”.

It has the same chapters but is punchier and to the point, so you can get down to taking some key actions right away.

It’s apt that this book’s title is “Get a Life” whilst we were talking about birthdays and life and death.

When my grandfather mocked our birthday celebrations did have a point though – every birthday means you are indeed getting closer and closer to your own end.

What he also said was this – it’s what you do and how you live your life in between your birthdays is what counts.

So what have you done in your life since your last birthday?

Maybe we should see birthdays in a different way from now onwards and do what we do at the beginning of a calendar year i.e. look back on the previous 12 months and plan out the coming 12 months. Make “birthday resolutions” – but ideally resolutions that you’ll not break within 2/3 weeks!

My Last 12 Months in Perspective

Looking back on my own 12 months, it has been quite an eventful period.

I spoke for 90 minutes in front of over 300 people for the first time, my book “Get the Life you Love” became an Amazon bestseller in its category and I got back my passion for coaching.

And perhaps most importantly, I resumed my daily yoga and meditation practice under the guidance of world visionary, mystic and yogi Sadhguru Vasudev.

I’ll be writing more about the impact of Sadhguru on my life in a future post but for now check out why we should all listen to this motorbike crazy mystic.

The only area in my life which from my perspective has stagnated has been my blog. Over the last 12 months, I have hardly written many blog posts, though there have been some super guest posts and book reviews.

Over the last year, somehow writing on my blog had become a chore and I had lost my mojo and my energy. Fresh ideas were no longer coming and I felt the blog had become jaded and in need of a revamp.

Strange how life works – the less I liked the look and feel of my blog, the less I was inclined to write anymore. Quite simple really – you like doing what you enjoy, and you enjoy what you like.

Then a couple of months ago in January, I hit rock bottom. I picked up a nasty cold which took many weeks to shift, and I struggled to write anything fresh on my blog. Here I was trying to inspire people for the New Year and I was badly in need of some fresh inspiration and energy myself!

Then came a day when I almost packed up my blog – I felt it was a waste of time to be masquerading as an inspirational blogger whilst I was so short of inspiration myself. I only learnt after as it turns out that so many people were similarly afflicted in the first few weeks of 2013. Apparently something to do with the planetary cycles, the new consciousness since 21st Dec 2012 etc etc. I actually think that it was just a nasty cold:-).

Miracles CAN Happen:-

Then miraculously, a couple of timely things happened which probably changed the destiny of this blog and ultimately my destiny.

1. I interviewed my good friend Mel Carnegie upon the publication of her life changing book “I am still standing” – you can get it from (Amazon UK /Amazon USA)

You can read Mel’s inspirational book interview here - How to Keep Standing No Matter What Life Throws at You!

For that post we had loads of comments and readers were opening up their hearts and sharing their deepest wounds.

Okay, granted that Mel and I were offering 3 lucky readers a copy of her book in return for commenting on the post, but still we were both astounded at the feedback and reaction we experienced.

This experience made me realise that my blog and my writing were making a significant difference in people’s lives. It was even more heartening to be able to write to the 3 book winners who were in Malaysia and the USA – and there I was thinking no one read my blog!

2. This was about the same time that my book “Get the Life you Love” was available for free as a Kindle book.

Out of the blue, I received a wonderful email from a lady in the USA who had downloaded the free Kindle book. She wrote a long and lovely email about how the book had changed her life and this is one of the lines she wrote:-

“Your book reinforced my moral duty.  Death is certain and love is risk, it’s that simple.”

I had tears in my eyes as I read her full email – suddenly it all felt worthwhile! It was so worth all the effort I had put into my books and my blog.

About the same time, I received a few more messages on Facebook and emails in my in-box thanking me for various blog posts and Kindle books.

It was almost as if someone up there (or anywhere, for all I care. Which way is UP anyway!?) had decided to turn on a fountain of goodwill in my direction – or someone was simply trying to tell me something.

There was no rocket science needed here – I just HAD to continue with my blog and other writing and do whatever it took to make it even more useful to as many people as possible.

I also had the benefit of some kick-ass coaching from my good friend Masha Young who very kindly pointed out that I had so much already going for me and my blog. She was instrumental in me getting my mojo back!

Something else which I had allowed to bother me was the apparent slow growth of my blog in terms of number of subscribers and social media followers etc.

Yes, like so many others, I had succumbed to the lure of large number of friends, fans, followers, tribe members – call them whatever you want!

About this time, I saw on twitter a mention of a new book called The Small Army Strategy (Amazon.Com / Amazon.Co.UK)  by my blogger friend Srinivas Rao which really brought home to me the futility of trying to build a large following of so-called fans without having a clear foundation or offering.

And so this brings me to my key take-away from my special birthday post.

If you are going to do something, you have to do it well and to the best of your ability – otherwise why bother?

You and I cannot strive to change the whole world in one fair swoop – we can only start by doing our own little bit in our own way and see where that leads to in the future (without being attached to the outcome).

We just don’t know what our simple steps will lead to – or how great an impact our tiny acts of kindness can make on someone.

Ultimately, we all want a better life and we want to make a difference to others. We really want to change the world and make our mark – and it just needs a few of us crazy enough to do so!

“The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do”.   -   Steve Jobs

Me with my Mojo:-

So where does this leave me?

As I stand on the threshold of another year in my life, I feel rejuvenated and excited about what the next 12 months hold for me.

Today, I am feeling as excited about my blog, my books and my coaching as I did all those years ago when I wrote 100 blog posts in just 31 days. I don’t know what the next year will bring but I do know that it will be life-changing for me and hopefully for some of you readers too.

I have already made some significant changes to my blog – you may have noticed it is now running much faster. This is thanks to my super new hosting service from Synthesis. I recommend their hosting service to all bloggers.

I have also got a new blog theme called Genesis – and you might have also noticed some subtle design changes.

To come next is a revamped design so that it becomes easier to navigate around my blog. Can you believe I’ve got almost 600 blog posts and yet most of them are hidden away?

I’ll then be launching some products and services to help you make it happen in your life and in the world.

I have also cut down on the time I spent on Social Media whilst I focus on my writing and coaching. Don’t get me wrong – Social Media is a great for spreading your message but it can be quite a black hole for your energy and time. Use Social Media sensibly and cleverly. Hm – I can sense a future blog post about this huge topic:-).

And I have been ruthless with my incoming emails and archived emails. Recently in less than an hour, I tidied up my emails and dumped over 10K+ (yes 10,000+!) old emails which I had kept as records and future referral! Dumb or what?

Action point for you – I challenge YOU to empty your inbox in one hour today.

Unsubscribe from newsletters if you need to – even mine! I can take it, but more importantly I want you to have a simpler inbox. Please do whatever you need to.

So that’s enough about me and my blog! Let’s talk about you – what do you think about me and my blog!? I wrote that last sentence in jest – it’s my birthday so I am allowed to indulge in myself:-)

The Way Forward

Seriously, it’s over to you now.

What would you like from me and my blog?

How can I best serve you?

What would be the best way of us working together?

Please add your suggestions in the comments below.

By the way, it’s also okay to tell me to stop blogging and to find something else to do. I can take it as long as you also tell me why!

I started this blog post by asking if you ever pondered on some key questions such as wondering what you were doing on this planet and why. And maybe you don’t need to know. Maybe you just need to focus on being a good person and doing your best for yourself and others.

That’s all fair and good – and you are likely to be a happy and content person by adopting such a philosophy.

However, I feel we are asking and answering the wrong questions here. A more powerful and pertinent line of questioning would be:-

What positive and big things would I like to do on this planet? And why not?

Wow! Now doesn’t that just open up so many possibilities for you!?

Feel the fear and change the world anyway!

I say positive and big things as there’s no inspiration or excitement in thinking small.

Win a Make It Happen Coaching Package!

So over to you now dear readers. Tell me below in the comments just what major, positive thing you would like to do on this planet? And please also tell me why you must do this in your lifetime.

Right, now this is where I would like to really help one reader make it happen. I am going to offer one reader a package of 6 x Make it Happen Coaching sessions with me. The usual price of this package is £1,495 but is actually priceless as how can you possibly put a price on something that will change you and the world?

The 6 sessions will be over Skype and I guarantee that the life of one reader will never be the same again. I’ll choose one reader based on how inspiring their idea is and how committed they are to make it happen. I’ll make my choice in 2 weeks time on Monday, 1st of April.

So over to you now – tell me what you would like from me as well as sharing what you must do on this planet and why. What will it take to get YOUR mojo back?

And remember to download “Get a Life” today or tomorrow – (Amazon.Com / Amazon.Co.UK).

PS Finally, here’s an example of what’s possible when someone is intent on making it happen. One of my first ever coaching clients, Georges Sokol is now an accomplished concert pianist and film producer. This is what he’s just created – look out for a familiar name in the credits:-).

The post How I Got My Mojo Back – and Now So Can You! appeared first on Make It Happen.

How to be Outrageous and Change your Life For Ever!

When was the last time you were truly outrageous!? Indeed when was the last time you really let your hair down and you had some fun?

Next time you are on a train or a bus, just look at the people around you. I bet you will see some really serious faces, especially if you are in London travelling at peak time.

Everyone seems to be on some important mission to get somewhere fast – and they are oblivious to all that’s going on around them.

At one time, I too was like that – Mr Determined (and also Mr Angry) full of self-importance living in my little self-deluded world, full of lofty dreams.

Strange, as I wrote the last sentence, the lyrics from the Beatles haunting song “Nowhere Man” just came to my mind. Nowhere man indeed. Perhaps the opening verses apply to all of us in some way:-

He’s a real nowhere man,

Sitting in his Nowhere Land,

Making all his nowhere plans

for nobody.

Doesn’t have a point of view,

Knows not where he’s going to,

Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

So where am I going with this post? More importantly where are we all going with such serious faces? And why do we take life so seriously!?

Today is Red Nose Day in the UK – this is a 2 yearly event where we all get an excuse to be silly and let our hair down – all for a good cause.

It’s a day to be zany and to do fun things – the sillier you are, the more money you can raise – and bring a smile to the faces of those around you and also children in far off lands who will ultimately benefit.

I always do wonder why we can’t continue with this sense of generosity, giving and fun for the rest of the year. It’s just like what happens after Xmas time – as soon as the festive tinsel comes down, the spirit of goodness also seems to just vanish.

Red Nose day always inspires me with just how open and willing people are to help others and make a contribution – and also willing to be vulnerable and show their soft, caring side.

Which brings me back to the main point of writing this post – ultimately we all WANT to make a difference and help others. And we will never be truly happy until we have found that one thing which we are meant to do.

Yes, along the way we must also fully support ourselves and have an abundant, full and fun life – but ultimately we want to make a contribution and to know that we count and we made a difference.

There are umpteen good causes and projects you can choose from – you just have to choose to make a difference, and the rest is easy.

It’s important to enjoy the journey and have a FUN life – otherwise what’s the point!?

It can be a life-changing experience – just as it was for me exactly 10 years again when in March 2003, I dressed up with a red wig at my local café called Richoux in order to raise money for Red Nose and Comic Relief.

This was probably the first times in my life that I really let my hair down (under the red wig!) and it was an outrageous day of fun and interacting with so many people – most of them bemused by this short, brown man in a red wig waving a collection bucket in their face.

I am sure most of them put some coins in the bucket just to make me go away!

This is a classic example of how you can get so much back by offering something to others.

Let me tell you what happened – and how that one day of being outrageous changed my life forever:-

1. My plan was that I would spend a whole day at my favourite coffee shop wearing a red wig and I would give people a short coaching session in return for some donations.

2. To promote my fundraising, I sent a press release to my local newspaper and a journalist came to my office to interview me and for a complimentary coaching session.

3. The journalist had never even heard of coaching and he was so pleased with his session, he sent a photographer around the same afternoon to take some shots of me. I dashed to my local fancy dress shop and bought a red wig for the photographs.

As a result, I was featured in his paper for two weeks running wearing a silly red wig, and I raised £800 for Red Nose and Comic 

 

4. A week later I called the journalist to thank him for his coverage and offered to write a coaching column in his paper.

5. I then wrote a regular column in my local paper for the following 9 months, in a prime position on the same page as the editor’s comments and letters from readers. I got a lot of exposure as a result!

6. Six months after the Red Nose day, I realised I had enough material for a book. So in just five weeks in time for Christmas 2003, I put together and self-published my first book – “Get a Life”. I went on to sell almost the entire print run of 2,000 copies in less than 18 months.

This may not sound like much, but this was exceptionally good for a self-published book – and this was in the days before self-publishing became so common and easy.

7. My story of the positive outcomes from that Red Nose Day still doesn’t end there. In late 2005, based on the learnings from my first book, I wrote my second book – “Get the Life you Love and Live it”. This was a revamped version of my first book and to date I have sold almost 5,000 copies in paperback and kindle formats.

The rest is history – in November 2012, “Get the Life you Love” became an Amazon #1 best-seller in its category!

And it all began with a simple intention to have some fun for a good cause.

When you give a little, you get so much back. And every time I now go past Richoux cafe in St Johns Wood, I look back on that fateful day in March 2003, when I put on my red wig and literally took my life to a new level.

From now onwards, I suggest you too look for ways of giving – you will get so much more back.

To mark 10 years since it all began for me, this week I have just published “Get a Life” as Kindle book – (Amazon UK / Amazon USA)

“Get a Life” is a punchy and streamlined version of my second book “Get the Life you Love” – just right for you if you want to get straight down to taking some life changing actions.

(Amazon have just set it up this week so some of the book details are still a bit patchy)

And I the story doesn’t even end there yet! Who knows what’s next for me and the books? More of that in a future blog post.

For now, over to you.

What outrageous fun will you engage in from now onwards?

Of course, the definition of “outrageous” will vary from person to person. Some of you may even think that wearing a red wig in public is quite tame. So find YOUR outrageous thing and commit to doing it!

At the end of the day, you have to be yourself – and that’s what people will get. Ask yourself:-

What inspires me?

What excites me?

How can I do these things with more of a sense of fun?

Here are some simple points to help you plan your own life-changing outrageous acts of contribution:-

1. Think Big – why not?

2. Focus on ONE thing.

3. Look for a really fun thing!

4. How can you help the most number of people?

Now go and do it!

And then one day, if I see you on a train or bus, you will certainly stand out from the serious faces!

Incidentally, that Red Wig from the Red Nose Day in March 2003 has become quiet famous and taken on a life of its own!

Here it is in its full glory in Dec 2012 at Basket Brigade.

I wish you all an amazing life of success, service and smiles!

The post How to be Outrageous and Change your Life For Ever! appeared first on Make It Happen.

Follow Your Intuition and Change your Life

Have you ever had a powerful urge to do something and you had wondered why?

What would your life be like if everything you did had a greater purpose to help yourself and those around you?

If you are like me, you too may often get an inner urge to do something and then wonder why. But you’ll ultimately only know what it’s all about, if you followed up and gave it a chance.

And most likely you will find that it was all about helping someone!

Let me share a couple of recent examples.

A few weeks ago I was travelling on the London Underground train system. In a very quintessential English way, we call our underground train system – the “tube”. For obvious reasons!

So when someone in London asks you if you are “taking the tube”, they are asking if you are travelling on the underground train system.

I had to change tubes to get to my destination and this time I chose a different route. I felt I just had to go one particular way, even though it was a longer route.

Something inside me seemed to be guiding me.

As I got off that train tube and went towards the upward bound escalator, I noticed a woman with a large suitcase in front of me. She was really struggling with it and I made room for her.

She managed to get on the escalator in front of me and somehow fitted the suitcase behind her on the steps but rather precariously.

Halfway up, the suitcase started slipping and so did she as she vainly tried to hold on to it. As she and the suitcase stared tumbling down, I just about managed to stop her from falling and also blocked the heavy suitcase from falling all the way down behind me.

Luckily, it was a quiet period and there weren’t many other commuters on the escalator. There would have been mayhem and possibly serious injury if I hadn’t been there to block the suitcase.

For a brief second as she slipped, I saw her panic-stricken face as it dawned on her what could have happened. She could well have gone tumbling all the way down if I hadn’t been there!

Somehow we managed to get to the top of the escalator and she was most grateful for my help.

She went on her way and I headed off towards my interconnecting tube train. However, just as I got there, a train attendant informed me and others that those trains weren’t running for a while due to a faulty train breaking down in the tunnel.

I therefore had to retrace my steps and get to my destination via the originally planned route.

It seemed that the only reason I had made the choice to try the longer route was that somehow I had to be there to help the woman with a heavy suitcase.

Coincidence? A matter of chance? Or was there a great power of intuition guiding me?

Maybe you can recall incidences in your own life whereby you have had this urge to do something or go somewhere, and only after having done so, you found out how you were able to make a difference to someone.

Let me share another example with you.

Another time I was waiting in a queue (line) in a post office and in front of me was a father and his young baby daughter just behind him. Something told me to look out for her and sure enough just a few seconds later she slipped and would have fallen backwards if I hadn’t been there to stop her from falling.

The father was most grateful and his daughter gave me a beaming smile. We stuck up a conversation and everyone else around us also joined in and made a fuss over the little girl.

He then profusely thanked me again on his way out and somehow in a just a few seconds, we had created an amazing feel-good factor amongst all the other people in the queue.

Again, coincidence or a greater power at work?

No matter what, it sure helped those people. And maybe at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

It is also not just about helping others. Your intuition can also transform your own life – you can make a huge difference to your life and not just others.

I remember how just over 10 years ago I attended a talk by Ekhart Tolle in London. It was held within an exhibition hall and though the room was small, it was packed.

This was the time that Eckhart Tolle had just written his first book “Power of Now” and he was becoming very popular.

I felt really inspired after the talk and decided to look around the exhibition and see what companies were there.

This was a time before I became more self-aware but something kept urging me to walk in a certain direction in the busy, packed exhibition hall. This was also a time when I was looking for a more fulfilling career path and sure enough I found just what I was looking for!

In that busy hallway, there were a number of coaching companies advertising their coach training.

I had never even heard of coaching before – and to cut a long story short, I chatted to all the companies there, and following my gut feeling again, I started my coach training 3 weeks later. It felt like coming home – and the rest is history!

I am now a coach of over 10 years’ experience – and all because I followed this urging and a desire to contribute and make a difference.

So how can you use your intuition to help yourself and others?

1. Get Clear about your Intention to Serve and Make a Difference.

I truly believe that we are all here to contribute and make a difference to others. And of course we are here to have a lot of fun and experience joy whilst doing so!

So I invite you to firstly acknowledge your own deeper desire to make a contribution and to lead a life that counts.

You may currently be focussing on making ends and on creating a better life – and that’s fine. But know that you don’t have to make a grand gesture – you can help others in a small way. Even a smile will help!

Remember to Feel the Fear and Change the World Anyway!

2. Share with Others your Intention to Serve

There is now a growing awareness of people around the world wanting to make a difference and to live a life of making a difference.

If this is where you are (and if not, why not!?), then welcome to a path of greater fulfilment and joy.

Just put it out there and share with others your desire to help. By putting it out there, you will become more and more aware of where you can best help.

Talk to others, read blogs like mine and many others.

3. Always Listen to your Intuition

From now onwards, truly list to your intuition! Don’t question it and have fun as you follow your inner urgings.

Rather than questioning your intuition, become curious. Simply ask – I wonder how I am meant to transform the world next?

Remember that your intuition automatically gets better with time!

It’s Time to Make it Happen for Yourself and the World

So go forth, follow your intuition and change the world.

At the end of the day, remember that it’s all about expanding your life journey – and if you can serve someone along the way, you’ll not only be serving others but best of all, you’ll be ultimately serving your own life purpose.

Good luck!

Now Over to you – please share your stories of how you have encountered “coincidences” in your life which have changed your life.

Editorial note:- A version of this article first appeared as a guest post written by me on Powered by Intuition

Image courtesy of HansKristian

 

The post Follow Your Intuition and Change your Life appeared first on Make It Happen.

Valentine’s Day – the Perfect Day to Bring more Joy into your Life!

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, an opportunity for us to truly reconnect with the real meaning of this day. It is about LOVE, sharing and giving.

Rather than just focusing on what fancy gift we can give to our loved one, or how elaborately we can celebrate the day, let us focus on what we can actually give of ourselves.

Even if we are single, it is time to give more of ourselves to others. To me, it’s really not about us anymore – it is about others and what we can do for others.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. ~ Oscar Wilde

On Valentine’s Day in the past, I have written extensively about this day and here is a selection of my best posts from the past:-

1. Valentine’s Day – My Top 10 Relationship Articles of All Time

2. The Ultimate 40 posts for Valentine’s Day

3. Valentine’s Day – Enjoy Life as a Single Person

I invite you to visit these 3 posts and book mark them for future reference.

There’s enough in these 3 posts to get you enlightened about love and relationships!

Speaking of enlightenment, last weekend I had an amazing experiential weekend with Sadhguru when I took part in his Inner Engineering course.

Sadhguru is the nearest thing to an “enlightened” being I have met in my life – and my abiding memory is what a fun and joyous being he is!

His Inner Engineering training is a technology for well-being derived from the ancient science of yoga. An authentic program for self-empowerment and personal growth, the Inner Engineering course opens up the possibility of living life to your fullest human potential – a potential modern physicists and psychologists say is almost unlimited.

The key learning for me from the whole weekend was how we can all become more joyous, calmer and happier beings.

And from that space of inner joy and contentment, we can begin to accept responsibility for everything in our world, and take as much action as we can to make it happen for us all.

One of the things Sadhguru said was that the greatest gift we can give our children is to be joyous ourselves and live joyfully. Our children would then also grow up as joyous, caring beings.

It all starts with knowing ourselves and loving who we are and accepting where we are at.

As India’s top blogger Zeenat Merchant-Syal says:-

“Self-love is at the very core of well-being joy, self-empowerment, and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.”

Love is all that Matters – book FREE on Amazon

To help you get started on your journey to more self-love, I am delighted to tell you that my new Kindle book “Love is all That Matters” (Amazon USA / Amazon UK) is especially free for Valentine’s Day and the next two days (Friday 15th Feb and Saturday 16th Feb).

Here are the links again for the book on Amazon:-

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you are in a country not served by Amazon.Com, then simply search on your local Amazon website under my name “Arvind Devalia” and then choose “Love is all that Matters”.

Even if you don’t have an actual Kindle device, you can still read my Kindle book on most smart phone and tablets – you just have to download the relevant Kindle app from Amazon.

This book is a clarion call to bring more love into the world through simple yet powerful daily rituals. So please get your copy today and bring more love into your life.

There are 9 chapters in this book and each short chapter concludes with a daily exercise – carry out these simple exercises and watch in wonder as your life magically transforms into a life filled with love, kindness and understanding.

Finally, for today’s Valentine’s post, I would like to share two special stories which bring home the true meaning of love, sharing and caring and bringing more joy into your life.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

A Dog’s Purpose: from a 6 year old

This story was sent to me by a friend recently and it’s one of those stories that go around the net. You never know how true the story is but this is one of the best ever and you do not have to be a dog lover to appreciate it.

The story is narrated by a veterinarian:-

“Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.

I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure

as they felt that Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him.

Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”

The Six-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

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My second story, by Ruth McDonald, is about self-less giving which I shared a while ago but it’s worth sharing again on Valentine’s Day.

“The Valentine” 

He was a shy little boy, not very popular with the other children in Grade One. As Valentine’s Day approached, his mother was delighted when he asked her one evening to sit down and write the names of all the children in his class so that he could make a Valentines for each.

Slowly he remembered each name aloud, and his mother recorded them on a piece of paper. He worried endlessly for fear he would forget someone.

Armed with a book of Valentines to cut out, with scissors and crayons and paste, he plodded his conscientious way down the list. When each one was finished, his mother printed the name on a piece of paper and watched him laboriously copy it. As the pile of finished Valentines grew, so did his satisfaction.

About this time, his mother began to worry whether the other children would make Valentines for him. He hurried home so fast each afternoon to get on with his task, that it seemed likely the other children playing along the street would forget his existence altogether.

How absolutely horrible if he went off to the party armed with 37 tokens of love- and no one had remembered him!

She wondered if there was some way she could sneak a Valentine among those he was making so that he would be sure of receiving at least a few. But he watched his hoard so jealously, and counted them over so lovingly, that there was no chance to slip in an extra. She assumed a mother’s most normal role, that of patient waiting.

The day of the Valentines box had finally arrived, and she watched him trudge off down the snowy street, a box of heart-shaped cookies in one hand, a shopping bag clutched in the other with 37 neat tokens of his labour. She watched him with a burning heart. “Please God”, she prayed, “Let him get at least a few!”

All afternoon her hands were busy here and there, but her heart was at the school. At half-past three she took her knitting and sat with studied coincidence in a chair that gave a full view of the street.

Finally, he appeared, alone. Her heart sank. Up to the street he came, turning every once in a while to back up a few steps into the wind. She strained her eyes to see his face. At that distance it was just a rosy blur.

It was not until he turned in at the walk that she saw it—the one lone Valentine clutched in his little red mitt. Only one. After all his work. And from the teacher probably. The knitting blurred before her eyes.

If only you could stand between your child and life! She laid down her work and walked to meet him at the door.

“What rosy cheeks! She said. “Here, let me untie your scarf. “Were the cookies good?”

He turned toward her a face shining with happiness and complete fulfilment. “Do you know what? He said. “I didn’t forget one. Not a single one!”

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So on this Valentine’s Day:-

W hat selfless loving will YOU do?

How selflessly will you give?

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Finally, please remember to download my Kindle book – “Love is all that Matters”

(Amazon USA / Amazon UK)

And if you enjoyed the book or if you found it useful, I’d be very grateful if you’d post a positive review on Amazon.

Your support really does matter and it truly does make a difference – I do read all your reviews so I can get your feedback.

Images courtesy of  olliethebastard,  Mark Gstohl

 

The post Valentine’s Day – the Perfect Day to Bring more Joy into your Life! appeared first on Make It Happen.

How to Keep Standing No Matter What Life Throws at You!

Have you ever met someone whose life story just blows you away?

Someone who makes you wonder how they got through everything life can throw at them – and yet they got through the darkness to share their story with the world?

5 years ago, I met Mel Carnegie in Solihull near Birmingham for a quick business meeting – she wanted to tell me more about one of her projects. Nothing more came of that meeting and over the following few years we lost touch, until mid-2012.

She then told me what she had been through in her life and especially over the previous 4 years. Her whole life had been turned upside down after she found out that her husband and her supposed soulmate was in reality a lying and cheating psychopath.

It was like that character in the famous movie starring Julia Roberts – Sleeping with the Enemy, except this was for real!

Mel explained how she was now resurfacing after all that she had been through and had written her life story.

Her book is called “I’m Still Standing” and has been snapped up by a publisher. I have just received a signed, preview copy – and I am so pleased that her story is going to inspire many readers and change many lives.

It’s a real life story of how to make it happen for yourself no matter what – and at the same time make a difference to others.

The book is now available as a Kindle book (Amazon UK /Amazon USA) and will be available as a paperback in early April.

Mel has also kindly given me two signed pre-publication paper copies of her book “I’m Still Standing” to give away to two readers – please see more details at the bottom of this post.

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Mel about life story and the lessons she has for all of us here.

 

1. Mel, you have quite a story to tell! Tell us more about you and how it all began for you?

Thanks, Arvind, I’ll do my best!

Professionally I work as a leadership and change development coach, helping business leaders and their teams to achieve their best potential.

I love what I do because I am driven to help others succeed, particularly through tough times and change.

Why? Well, that’s where my personal story comes in. My first few years were perfectly normal – in fact I think I was very lucky. I was born into a close and loving family, but the sudden death of my father when I was four years old catapulted me into a different world.

My mother was days from giving birth to my little sister when it happened, so I instantly adopted the role of ‘grown up’ to try and fill the void.

My mother died equally suddenly when I was 16 and my sister 11 – my world changed again, and once again I had to learn to adapt to a whole new set of rules in order to survive. But that was just the beginning!

2. Your book is a very courageous and heart rending story. What inspired you to write it?

You might think that the death of both parents would be enough to deal with, but for some reason the ‘hits’ kept coming – and I kept adapting as a result.

The most recent (and arguably most traumatic) shock came in 2009 when I discovered that the husband I called my soulmate had betrayed me in the most terrible ways – in all honesty, it just about destroyed me. It all happened so suddenly!

Luckily I was able to fall back on all the life skills I’d fine-tuned since early childhood – together with all the career and personal development training I’d attended (and taught) over the years.

It was a very wise friend of mine who recommended I ‘write it out’ in order to make sense of what was happening. So I did. Rather than using paper and pen, I decided to keep an online diary. It was private. It was for me. And it was where I slowly learned to pour out my heart and soul.

After a while I invited a few friends to read it. Their feedback came as a total surprise. Various people explained how, in different ways, my stories had helped them to make sense of situations in their own life – and they encouraged me to share my writing with more people.

So I took the plunge and made the blog public, quickly attracting readers from all around the world – and a continuing stream of encouraging messages to boot!

After being told time and time again that I should write a book, I decided to do just that – even though it was a scary prospect!

My hope is that, by sharing my personal story, I can help others find their inner strength and succeed with whatever challenges they are facing. And if I can do that – well, then it kind of makes everything worthwhile .

3. Was it a cathartic experience for you writing the book? How did it help?

That’s a good question Arvind!

Yes, it was cathartic – but boy was it hard as well. In the blog, you see, I had been writing in the here and now, sharing my struggles and musings as they happened.

For the book, though, I knew I had to give a much more solid background, which meant going over my younger experiences.

That process in itself stirred up so many deep emotions – many times I would be typing furiously as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

For me, it wasn’t until I actually saw the struggles of my childhood in black and white that I could fully appreciate what my sister and I had endured. It made me angry, and it also allowed me to feel compassion for myself, writing out the story of how I grew and developed in to who I am today.

So, yes, it’s been cathartic, because I’ve come out the other side feeling more whole and filled with love than before.

4. Your book will change many lives. Please share a couple of tips for people out there who might be in despair and can’t see how they’ll get through.

Gosh, thanks for your encouragement Arvind!

Hmmm. Ok – I know that each time I faced trauma there was something very specific that I did. It was automatic, instinctive at first – an instant reflex that after the first few times I learned to do as a conscious response. That is, to give myself distance from whatever was happening.

I would view the situation as if I was ‘somewhere else’ which always gave me a bigger perspective. This instinctive process also allowed me to keep track of my emotions which in many instances threatened to engulf me.

As a result of which I was able to consider my options. It didn’t always work, but it usually helped at least a little bit!

Consciously giving myself positive messages was another method that has pulled me through some desperate times.

I remember, not long after the shock discovery in 2009, walking around the village where I live – fresh air and movement helped tremendously.

My husband had abandoned me. I was heartbroken. I had no money. No way of finding an income. And I knew I faced a huge battle ahead of me. It was dire!

Regardless of all the ‘bad stuff’ that was going on; I remember repeating under my breath, in time with my walking steps “all I need is already within me”.

It made no logical sense, but as I carried on walking, my pace quickened, my voice grew louder, and my confidence increased – until I was stamping, shouting and waving my arms in the air!

Goodness knows what anyone might have thought had they seen me – but it made a huge difference to the way I was able to deal with things.

Finally, another action that helped me enormously was to say ‘thank you’ to myself and others, as much as possible.

I found that I could always find things to be grateful for, no matter how seemingly hopeless the situation. I even started a habit. Every morning when I got out of bed, I would say ‘thank you’ with each step I took to the bathroom. It started with small things ‘thank you for my sleep’ ‘thank you for my bed’ ‘thank you for this new day’ – the content didn’t really matter.

It was the conscious act of saying thank you that positively affected my mood. When I got to the bathroom mirror, no matter how I was feeling, I would greet myself with a smile and say something like ‘good morning Mel, this is our day today – let’s make it a good one!’

And slowly by slowly, it worked.

So, in summary:-

Step back from yourself and the situation, look for the bigger picture

Give yourself positive messages – even if they don’t seem real!

Find reasons to say ‘thank you’.

Be kind and smile at your reflection – you’ll start to feel like a ‘team!’

5. Mel, having experienced, endured and ultimately conquered what you went through, what sort of person have you become? What kept you going?

I’ve become (I think!) much calmer – certainly more centred.

Nothing much fazes me anymore because I know that whatever else happens, I’ve overcome so much that I’ll always find a way through.

I guess I’ve developed a quiet confidence that all is well – one of the things that has always kept me going is a phrase my mother would often repeat ‘this too will pass‘.

It’s helped me to know that the bad times don’t last forever – and at the same time it’s helped me to appreciate the good times in full!

6. Looking back, what do you wish you had known during the tough times? What resources should someone in your situation call on? For example, could this be hitherto unknown resources such as inner strength?

The years following the death of my mother were incredibly difficult. I felt powerless and simply did my best to get through.

It wasn’t until I started picking up self-help books (the first being ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale) that I began to realise that I could shape my own reality by consciously choosing my thoughts and perspective.

The more I learned, the more I understood that those skills could have served me much earlier on had I known of their existence.

This is what has driven me, and why I dedicated my life to teaching others the skills I have learned – often the hard way!

But I don’t regret anything in my life. It’s all unfolded the way it was meant to, and now I know I can help many more people – I am eternally grateful because I can look back on and feel proud of what I’ve achieved.

7. Mel, thank you so much. What’s next for you? Where will you be in 5 years?

I am currently working on a follow-up book, together with a business book born through years of working with leaders in the corporate world.

Drawing parallels with my personal life experiences, I am increasingly concerned that people are losing their voices in the workplace.

I’ve come across countless situations where even senior managers feel powerless to speak out or take action when they know something is wrong.

The reasons for this vary, of course, but it seems to me that many of our businesses today are suffocating their people who are, after all, the lifeblood of any successful company!

As for where I’ll be in 5 years’ time?

Well, since I’ve come to learn that life can shift in the blink of an eye, I wouldn’t like to hazard a guess. What I DO know, though, is that I will still be passionate about helping others and that I will continue to learn and grow in the process. I’m thoroughly looking forward to it!

Thanks Mel – I look forward to learning more from you and watching you blossom even more. And best of luck with your book – I know it’ll change many lives.

Your Chance to Win Mel’s Book!

Mel’s book is now available as a Kindle book (Amazon UK /Amazon USA) and will be available as a paperback in early April.

However, you can win one of two special pre-publication copies from Mel!

She has put aside 2 signed copies with a certificate of authenticity to be given away to 2 luck readers here.

To be in with a chance to win of the two books, all you have to do is write a comment below, and share when YOU were courageous in YOUR life.

What happened and what did you do to get out of it? What lessons did you learn?

If you are reading this via RSS or in your in-box, please click here and write your comments at the bottom of the post.

Mel will choose readers with the most inspirational stories on 14th Feb (Valentine’s Day) next week and directly send them a signed copy.

Thanks everyone!

Editorial note from Arvind – (19th Feb 2013)

This competition to win Mel Carnegie’s life changing book is now closed.

Both Mel and I were blown away with your heart rending yet inspiring stories of courage and fortitude. We had to choose just 2 winners – and we found that to be an impossible task!

So this is what Mel and I did – we whittled it down to 7 people and then between us we drew at random 3 names. Mel was so moved with your stories, she decided to give away 3 copies of her book and not just 2.

The 3 winners are:-

Tharmini 
Lori Constein
Marsi

Congratulations to all 3 of you! I’ll be directly connecting you with Mel Carnegie who’ll then send you each a signed copy of her life-changing book.

The post How to Keep Standing No Matter What Life Throws at You! appeared first on Make It Happen.