Arvind Devalia's Blog, page 3
February 28, 2019
How Money will Reveal Your Truth… if You Can Dare to Look
What role does money play in your life?
If you are like most people, money probably plays a very central role in your life. We can never seem to get enough of it – and isn’t it funny how quickly it comes and goes?
I recently spoke to my friend Davide De Angelis who is doing some amazing work with his latest product – an incredible range of Tarot products based on the life and work of David Bowie.
I invited Davide to write a few words for my readers outlining his journey and how he got here. This is what Davide had to say – hold tight for an amazing ride:-
There was a time when most of my waking hours were being shaped by a lack of money. At one point things became very grim indeed.
One day as my wife Esther and I sat scowling at each other, me clutching a court summons for unpaid tax and Esther brandishing a final demand from the electricity company, a vocal purging of dramatic proportions ensued: unspoken truths, secrets, buried anger and deep resentments flooded to the surface like an erupting volcano.
We had tried everything – borrowed money from family and friends, sold some old family jewellery and even researched some free tax tools.
This is Shamanic Territory
The very real prospect of losing the roof over our heads, and the months of threats, final demands and petty humiliations around money had stripped us down to the bare metal.
Finally there was nothing covering up the energies and stories that were really shaping our lives.
In many ways this is shamanic territory because we get to look behind the curtain of falsehoods obscuring what we don’t want anyone – not even ourselves – to see. And in that super-present moment there is only a desire to pull down the curtain of falsehoods, to get honest, to throw anything that isn’t honest into the purifying flame of truth.
We literally escape the gravitational pull of what we have taken to be our self.
We Avoid it like the Plague
The business of getting honest about money (or anything else for that matter) is difficult and dirty work – that’s why we avoid it like the plague. But it’s the work that sets us free and opens new vistas.
The trick – if there is one – is to know that from inside our own fixed ideas about life we can’t even imagine what those new horizons might be. Those ideas need to collapse and it’s the ‘temporary’ discomfort and inconvenience that actually scares us.
It still makes me cry thinking of that day.
Two human beings with nothing left to cover their raw nerves, their vulnerability. It makes me cry because in the midst of a pit of despair, I discovered the unexpected presence of love.
I think we were more beautiful in that moment than I could have imagined possible, and out of the blue as the tears streamed down our faces I saw it.
I saw that once we let go of the lies holding a story about who we are together, we can get down to the real business of cherishing each other, loving each other.
Money is a Powerful Mirror
Money is a powerful mirror that reflects the tons of beliefs we mysteriously seem to be filled with.
Most of us are so full of conditioned reactions and old beliefs that there is no room for anything new to be entertained. The energy of Money reflects back the stories and countless meanings we have given to the circumstances we find ourselves in.
I repeat – it reflects back the stories and countless meanings we have given to the circumstances we find ourselves in. It’s worth giving this statement some consideration.
Money will Systematically Reveal all of our Deepest Fears
If we allow it to do its work, and pay attention instead of running away, the energy of money will systematically reveal all of our deepest fears about life: mainly that life is not safe and that there is something fundamentally wrong with us.
Importantly, it does its work regardless of how much or how little money you have.
A compulsion to accumulate money – far more than is needed – reveals the fear lurking beneath the surface in the same way that struggling for money does.
Most of us carry the belief that having more money will solve our problems and are surprised – shocked even – when we discover that the same old nagging worries about life are still present, even when we have more money!
Money – or perhaps more accurately our ‘idea’ of money gives us all an opportunity to examine what’s actually true for us.
In other words, money always presents an opportunity to know who we are in a remarkably intimate way; that is if we are open to this.
When we are able to see the F.E.A.R (false evidence appearing real) that has so shaped our lives, we are presented with the possibility of living with greater and greater freedom.
The Key is to Live a Life Where You Are Really Present
I remember hearing a saying, ‘We see the world through our beliefs not our eyes’.
This statement is something remarkable because it contains the key to living a life where you are really present to what’s actually going on.
I believe that ultimately this is compassion: you see that all the ideas and judgements that you have about yourself and others are simply not true – can never actually be true – and you become present to the flow of ‘finding out’ and discovering.
You are open to life in all its myriad shapes and forms. You no longer believe the stories your mind conjures up.
Part of the Healing Process
Strangely enough, in the way that flu symptoms are the healing mechanisms of the body and not directly created by the virus, the threats, final demands, petty humiliations and the court summons turned out to be part of the healing process.
They exist to show us what kind of life we’re creating by not knowing who we are and what’s true beyond our false beliefs.
I had said this very thing many, many times on workshops and in coaching sessions and yet on that day it was the first time I totally understood the principle.
The energy of money we see playing out in the world, its connection to forcing things and its connection to control and survival, is a symptom of us not knowing who we are on a massive scale.
We are taught to suppress symptoms and in so doing interfere with the healing process. A symptom is a sign that something is trying to heal: can you imagine what happens when we hold this distinction up to all the things that we think of as problems?
Not Knowing Who We Are is The Virus of Our Time
Not knowing who we are is the virus of our time and all the problems or symptoms we encounter such as spiralling debt, addictions, abusive relationships and poor health, are signs that we need to stop and ask the question:-
Who am I?
We assume the answer at the risk of our aliveness. We need to ask the question ‘Who am I’ as our eyes open in the morning, with a desire to really know, and let the answers we discover give birth to us.
I believe that we all want to be generous and loving, no matter how we may otherwise behave. Bringing this question to life is the activating principle. It’s certainly not a new question. In fact every experience is asking it. It is so present that we completely miss it.
This is Living Meditation
If you’ve never genuinely asked yourself this question, then I invite you to begin the process now. This is living meditation, the answer will arrive, no need to go searching.
What is your relationship with money inviting you to question?
What old beliefs (that were most likely not even yours in the first place) is your relationship with money inviting you to question and see past?
The Way Forward For You From Today
I guarantee that money is not what you think it is and it will help you see that you are not who you think you are. Look at your relationship with money and let it become your ally instead of the enemy.
The by-product of this enquiry is an ever-growing feeling of abundance.
I wish you all abundance and prosperity on your journey.
Your friend – Davide De Angelis
Image courtesy of ~autumn_fun~
The post How Money will Reveal Your Truth… if You Can Dare to Look appeared first on Make It Happen.
February 12, 2018
The Ultimate 40 Love Posts For Valentine’s Day and Every Day
What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?
Is it a time of the year you enjoy or dread?
Today, I am writing a post with a difference. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, I am bringing you some of the best blog posts from around the blogosphere, including some of my own previous articles.
Valentine’s Day is a fun and loving day for many people and there are so many wonderful blog posts out there about all aspects of relationships. I have searched high and wide and these are in my opinion some of the best wisdom you can get, no matter where you are in your relationship.
I am proud to know a lot of these prominent bloggers as friends and it is a privilege for me to share their work with you.
Do take your time reading through these articles, bookmark this post and come back to it again and again as you create a wonderful and happy relationship.
Note my emphasis on “happy” rather than “perfect”!
My fondest wish is that may you all find happiness in yourself and in your relationship, no matter what stage you are at – perhaps single and having a ball, in a blissful union or recovering from a broken heart.
There is some highly useful and ago old wisdom in these 40 posts, so grab a coffee, sit back and come with me on a journey of love and relationships.
1. The Real Meaning of Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and it is an opportunity for us to truly reconnect with the real meaning of this day. It is about LOVE, sharing and giving.
Love is the most amazing thing in our lives. It is what makes us human, what makes life worth living. Nothing else truly matters. The size of our homes, bank balances, the beauty of our partner, the speed of our car – all those things pale into insignificance when we face the splendour of what it is that makes us tick.
“Love does not make the world go around – it simply makes the ride worthwhile”.
Love is much greater than what we feel romantically. It is what makes us sing, dance and makes us human.
There are so many simple things we can all do on a daily basis to bring more love into our lives. Together we can all make this an even better and more beautiful world than it already is.
Let us use the occasion of Valentine’s Day for us all to become human again together, and manifest even more love in our already magnificent world. Always remember all the positive aspects of love.
2. Avoid the Commercialism of Valentine’s Day
Love is NOT the highly commercialised circus we see on Valentines Day. It is much deeper and much more profound than sending someone a dozen roses at hugely inflated prices. It is much more than candle lit dinners and fancy chocolates.
It seems we are madly clamouring for this special day of love, as if all it takes to prove and validate our love is just one day of being nice to our partner.
It is amusing to see so many people rushing around to prove their true love for that “special” person in their life. But what happens when the roses have died and the chocolates have all been gobbled up?
The commercialism has gone so far that people are made to feel inadequate if they are on their own on Valentine’s Day.
Here is a great post from my friend and mentor Leo Babaunta about how you can get away from the commercial aspect and be romantic on the cheap.
3. Ways to be romantic on the cheap
Note that being cheap does not mean being a cheap skate, just frugal and sensible!
At the same time, why limit yourself to having some fun for just one day of the year?
4. How to make it a fun Valentine’s Day everyday
3. Give of Yourself to Others
This time of the year, we are bombarded with all sorts of commercial pressure to go out and spend a fortune to show the true merit of our love.
But rather than just focussing on what fancy gift you can give to your loved one, or how elaborately you can celebrate the day, why not focus on what you can actually give of yourselves. Even if you are single, it is time to give more of yourself to others.
It is really not about us anymore – it is about others and what we can do for others.
5. Valentine’s Day a time for self-less giving
I challenge you not to be moved by the superb story – “The Valentine” – about a little boy who wrote out Valentine cards for all his school friends.
4. Love Your Life and Create a Great Relationship with Yourself
The key to having a great relationship and indeed a great life is to have a healthy self-image and to love yourself in a healthy way.
So just how to do you love yourself?
6. How to love yourself – the master key for your life
One of the keys to a wonderful relationship is to love your own life. And here are 77 reasons to love your life from my new blogging friend Dragos Roua.
7. 77 Reasons to love your life
Working on yourself is the most important work you can do for yourself, but what’s the most important relationship you will ever have?
8. The most important relationship you will ever have
Ultimately, remember that you have to be special to find the special one!
9. Be special to find the special one.
5. Enjoy the Single Life
Believe it or not it is possible to be happy even if you are single. Ignore all the media hype at this time of the year and simply go and have a ball!
Here are 4 different articles, each with their own unique take on enjoying singledom, whether or not it is Valentine’s Day.
10. How to make the most of your Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or not
11. How to be single and enjoy every second
12. Advice for singles on Valentines Day – love your singledom.
13. How to be single and happy
6. Get Ready for the Special One
Finding “the one” seems to take up so much of our energy – and yet just how well do we prepare ourselves?
One of the keys is to let go of the past and heal yourself – literally mend a broken heart.
14. How to mend a broken heart
Of course you will not meet someone by staying at home. So you must get yourself out there, which could be a challenge if you are shy or introverted.
15. The introverts guide to people
16. How to finally overcome shyness
The last thing you would want is to feel lonely or isolated. Just know that there are other people at a similar life stage as you who would be delighted to connect with you.
17. How to escape loneliness – 10 ways to connect with others
Find out why Love is all that matters in any relationship, special or not, as we go towards and beyond 12/12/12, the supposed doomsday!
18. Why Love is all that Matters
And once you are out there meeting people, you want to be as attractive as possible
19. 9 free ways to instanly become more attractive
7. Find the Special One
So one day you want to find “the special one”. But remember that “special” is what’s special to you – for someone else, your special person could be a ogre:-)
Do you believe in just relying on the “law of attraction” to find the one or are you willing and ready to put in some work?!
20. The law of attraction versus science
Regardless of what you believe, you really do need to get out there and meet people.
21. The 5 best places to meet that special someone
If you are a man, it would be helpful to know a bit more about the qualities women want in their men.
22. 12 qualities women want in their men
This article will also help women get clearer about the more important things to look for in a prospective partner, beyond the flashiness.
At the same time, don’t just wait for your soulmate – create a soulmate relationship.
23. Why you should create a soulmate relationship rather than waiting for your soulmate!
When you meet someone you really like, how do you know whether it’s true love or just infatuation?
24. True love or Infatuation – what’s the Difference?
And then of course when you meet someone, you want to know all about the perfect kiss.
25. 7 tips for the perfect kiss
8. Make your Relationship the Best Possible
One of the foundations of all successful and happy relationships is your communication and listening skills. It is time time to horn these skills.
26. Improve your relationships – listen up
It is inevitable that all relationships will have their ups and downs. But there are a keys that will make any relationship a happy one
27. 20 keys to a happy relationship
However beware of selfishness and other hidden motives under the guise of love which could poison your relationship.
28. Selfishness under the pretense of love
Be wary too of the simple ways through which you could kill your romance.
29. 10 ways we hurt our romantic relationships
If nothing else, just remember that some how you attracted this “douchebag” person into your throgh youir vibration!
30. What comes first – the douchebag or the vibration that attracted him?
Quite often, the secret is to be aware of your expectations of your partner and then releasing them. Create love rather than just falling in love
31. Don’t fall in love – create love instead!
Maybe it is time for you to turn a boring relationship into a party of love?
32. 10 ways to turn a boring relationship into a party of love
But if your relationship is in real trouble and dying then there are just 2 steps you need to taketo revitalise it.
33. The 2 most important steps to revitalise your relationship from death
Finally, you may just want to revisit all the boundaries in your life
34. Setting your boundaries and your house rules
9. Have Fun in Your Relationship
Being in a relationship is not all about just holding hands – hopefully you will do a lot more! Do however control yourself:-)
35. Balancing sexual passion in a relationship
And there is always room for improvisation and improvement.
36. 13 ways to be a better lover
10. Marriage, Commitment and Small Acts of Kindness
So you have now met someone and you are falling or fallen in love. What next? Well how about just letting go?
Why not just let go, make it up as you go along and give love a chance to work?
37. The one thing that makes love work
And then one day prepare for committment and marriage
38. Committment forever here and now
Then one day who knows what amazing children you’ll create!
39. Remember the power of positive parenting and the value of discipline
At the end of the day, remember never to take life too seriously and your marriage too lightly.
40. Why Would You Ever Want to Grow Up Anyway?
What we all have to remember is that romantic love may bring you and your partner together, but it is the tiny day to day acts of kindness which will allow your relationship to flourish and grow.
And most importantly, always remember to be child-like!
Why would you ever want to grow up anyway?
“Dating is about grand romantic gestures that mean little over the long term. Marriage is about small acts of kindness that bond you over a lifetime”. – Lori Gottlieb, author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”
Always remember that there is enough love in each of our hearts to heal the world, and not just our own personal relationship. We have simply forgotten this as we all strive to get bigger, better and to get somewhere. But usually when we get there and have these things, we find forlorn emptiness.
“Love doesn’t leave you but you leave love”
So from this Valentine’s day onwards, focus on creating the best relationship you can, not only with yourself, but also with your partner.
If you have not yet found the “love of your life”, then you have all the tools and wisdom here in this article to help you do just that.
My desire and my fondest wish is that this Valentine’s day, you find your own love, within you and around you. And then I would you to spread this love.
Photos courtesy of Mr. Negative, Clean Wal-Mart, wili_hybrid, olliethebastard,AngelsWings, Eusebius@Commons,
The post The Ultimate 40 Love Posts For Valentine’s Day and Every Day appeared first on Make It Happen.
January 12, 2018
7 Harmful Things to Finally Stop Doing This Year: Make It Your Best Year Ever
Happy New Year everyone!
Trust you had a wonderful festive time and New Year celebration with your loved ones.
As we now get into this New Year, here’s possibly the most important question you can answer this year:-
Just HOW will you make this New Year a Happy Year?
The key word we use to greet each other at this time of the year is “Happy”. As we move away from the old and bring in the new, we expect things to somehow magically be different and better on the other side of the New Year fireworks.
As you know, life is not like that!
You and I have to consciously make it happen so that things are magically different and better in the New Year. The MAGIC comes from us – through our clear intentions, effort and focus.
And the important question is this – how will YOU make this year your best year ever?
Assuming of course that you want to make it your best year. No pressure!
If you don’t want to make it your best year ever, that’s fine too.
Maybe the rest of us have got it wrong – and there’s a lot to be said about just accepting the status quo and being at peace and harmony with where you are now in life.
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!” – Mae West
However, I really believe that we are here to grow and experience life in its fullness and eternal richness. That growth is ultimately “spiritual” but why not make the most of each day and really push your own boundaries?
When you look back on your life, what if one day you have lots of regrets about the type of human being you never became? About things you never tried or places you never visited?
“Don’t die with your music still in you” – Wayne Dyer.
As we get into the New Year, I am clear that I am here to make the most of my life and I want to help others do the same. And that’s my music.
What’s YOUR music? And when will you begin to play it?
Remember, you make the rules in your life – so it’s time to forget all your old rules this year!
“The golden rule is there are no rules” – George Bernard Shaw
Rather than lamenting the loss of time, focus instead on the lessons you learnt last year.
And rather than pondering what you didn’t achieve last year, reflect on how much you learnt from the things you did, how you did them and also most importantly, what you didn’t do.
By seriously looking back on last year, you will see just what it is that you must stop doing from now onwards in all areas of your life this year.
To help you do just that, here are my 7 things for you to finally stop doing this year:-
1. Stop Being Miserable!
Do you laugh easily or do you take life so seriously that you hardly ever smile anymore?
Take a moment right now, look back on the last year and see if you can remember when it was that you truly laughed deeply.
Life is too short to be miserable.
It is a crime to go around with a miserable face.
Remember, laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and no one cries with you!
So what will it take for you to be happy? To start with, check out my 17 Tips to become Happy Right now.
A lot of people talk about finding your passion but this could well become a lifelong pursuit and you may never find it. Instead of looking for your passion, why not just find your joy?
And when you look for joy, it will show up in so many ways. For example, in my case, in the first 2 hours of 2013, I met an amazingly talented singer called Joy at a New Year’s party!
Do also check out this wonderful post for the New Year from my friend Joy Holland (Yes, JOY is her real name):-
Cultivating a Conscious Conversation: Intentions, Resolutions, and Theme Words
In this article, I talk briefly about finding more joy for myself and others every day.
Learn to be happy and joyous no matter what your life situation currently is.
Make the coming year, the year you embrace joy as a moral obligation!
And learn to become exuberant!
2. Stop Abusing Your Body
You only have one body for this life. And yet, just look around and you will see so many people simply abusing their bodies.
There is so much you can do immediately to improve your health. If you been very unfit, even if you start by simply walking 10 minutes a day, that will be a great start to a healthier and fitter you this year.
Over the next few days, review just what your health is like and decide on ways of how you can finally stop abusing your body.
For this New Year, apply my 14 tips to take total self-care of yourself.
3. Stop Wasting Your Time
Last year has gone, and try as much as you can, you will never get back the time that has gone, along with all its opportunities and gifts.
So from this year and beyond, make the most of your time. Focus on one thing at a time
This is not necessarily about doing less, but about becoming simply productive.
Stop working so hard and stop working all hours. Of course your particular job and career may dictate that you work long hours, but even then look at ways of becoming more effective and efficient.
For example, stop checking your email inbox every few minutes and spending working time on social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter. Though these websites are now clearly a part of our lives it is up to you to be sensible about how you use them.
The point is that whatever you do, see how you can bring more leisure time into your life. And of course, remember to always stop to listen to the music.
4. Stop Collecting and Hoarding Clutter
Do you collect hoard stuff and hang on to things just because one day they may be useful?
I cannot emphasis enough just how much your life will improve the moment you stop hoarding and start de0cluttering.
To start with take my clutter quiz today.
You may even want to use the first couple of weeks of this year to go around your home and clear out stuff. Why not start the New Year in a de-cluttered home?
For this year, adopt a minimalist life. Though there are lots of resources on the net to help you do just that, I suggest you check out Leo Babauta’s minimalist website.
5. Stop Wasting Money
By adopting a minimalist approach to life, you will begin to stop wasting money. Do you really need to buy the latest gizmos and gadgets?
The media is so relentless in hammering into you messages about spending your cash – make this year, THE year you fight back.
To stop wasting money, simply stop buying more stuff. Cut back on your purchases and ask yourself every time if you really need to make that purchase.
Check out the Simple Dollar for umpteen ideas to save money
At the same time stop being wasteful with what you already have. It is shocking how so much of the food we buy in the Western world gets thrown away – estimated at least 20%!
So by being more careful with our food purchasing and eating leftovers in creative ways, we could easily cut our food bill by 20%.
6. Stop Ignoring the Key People in Your Life
Your life is made rich not by the things you have and spend money on, but by the people in your life.
From now onwards, get clear about just what and who is important in your life. Make your family and friends the focus of your life and spend more time with them.
It could be as simple as creating a special occasion once a week or more. Simply stop ignoring your loved ones.
Especially spend more time with your parents and learn what you can, whilst you still can.
Also regularly create a special occasion with your friends.
7. Stop Being Socially Irresponsible
More than ever before, the world needs you to be socially responsible. Learn and accept that how you live your life has an impact on everything and everyone around you, both locally and globally.
Everything you do matters and make’s either a positive or a negative impact on the world.
This year learn more about how you can become personally social responsible.
By cutting down on your purchases, making sensible purchasing choices and recycling your stuff, you will have already started to become more socially responsible.
However, you can begin to do a lot more by becoming much more aware of how your behaviour affects the people around you and how your lifestyle makes a lasting impact on the world.
A socially responsible person will endeavour to have a positive effect on others and enrich his environment. He will strive to make a positive contribution, and will not pollute the atmosphere, both physically and metaphorically.
“Be the Change you wish to see in the world” – Gandhi
Ultimately we are all one. Earlier on, I talked about finding your song. But ultimately we are all one and we all have the SAME song.
“At the edge of the cornfield a bird will sing with them in the oneness of their happiness.
And the bird song, and the people’s song, and the song of life will become one.” – Song of the Long Hair Kachinas, Hopi
All our songs will one day be one and ultimately it all comes down to Love.
Which brings me on to my key message again for this year and beyond – Love is all that matters.
Please check out this key post from my archives – Why Love is all That Matters Beyond 21.12.12
What Things Will You Start Doing This Year?
Once you have stopped doing the 7 things above, you naturally get drawn to doing the opposite.
So make this year the year in which you:-
Live a Life of Joy and Laughter
Become Truly Fit and Healthy
Use your Time Wisely
Adopt a Minimalist Lifestyle
Become Prudent with your Money
Spend Quality Time with your Loved ones
Adopt Personal Social Responsibility
Please add below in the comments section your own ideas of what you will stop and instead start doing instead this year.
And to end, here are my final words for you for the New Year:-
May you walk in beauty, live in peace and be surrounded with love.
May the force be with you today and ever day this year!
The post 7 Harmful Things to Finally Stop Doing This Year: Make It Your Best Year Ever appeared first on Make It Happen.
December 14, 2017
8 Smart Ways To Make This Christmas Your Best Ever
Is Christmas a joyous time for you? Or are you stressed?
Around Christmas time, overspending on presents, pressure from kids and other loved ones, prolonged and close proximity to difficult family members and loneliness can all build up your stress levels.
Christmas can also be very demanding on your relationship as you spend a lot of time together with your immediate family and perhaps your extended family and even the in-laws.
However, it doesn’t have to be so.
Christmas is meant to be fun and joyous!
This year take charge and make it work for you.
Make this Christmas the best ever for you and the family.
Sit down right now for half an hour and decide for yourself what YOU can do this year to make it so.
Here are my tips for making this Christmas your best ever:-
1. Choose To Believe That Everything Will Go Well
Life usually turns out the way you expect it too.
If you expect the worse, then do not be surprised when things don’t out well.
If you believe the office party is going to be boring, then think instead that it will be a lot of fun.
Focus on being positive, optimistic and upbeat – and Christmas will be so much more joyous for you.
2. Watch Your Finances and Hide That Credit Card!
You don’t have to be Santa Claus to everyone in your life!
Just know that you do not have overspend to have a good time during this festive time.
Hide your credit card for the next few weeks and use your cash only as and when you wish to do so, without any outside influence.
Work out a sensible budget, so it doesn’t undermine the whole of this year for you.
Christmas is only as “commercialised” as you let it be, and it can work on any budget.
It is the things you do with people and the way you are with people that matter the most, not how much you spend on them.
YOU are the greatest gift you can ever give – it requires no money whatsoever.
Do everyone in your life a massive favour and suggest they curb their gift expectations.
Go even further, and suggest that they give some cash to your chosen charity instead of a gift to you – after all you may already have everything you want, and you will be avoiding build up of clutter.
If you must give a gift and you are uncertain about what to buy for whom, then give a gift voucher. Avoid that extra stress of anticipating whether they will/won’t like your gift.
3. Make the Best of Yourself and Your Home
Christmas usually means lots of fun gatherings – so make the best of yourself for all those exciting parties and dinners.
You deserve to look your best and now is the time to get that wardrobe in shape and to get a groovy hair cut.
Stop worrying about how the house is going to look when you have visitors and family around.
They will not even notice if say the net curtains are not washed. There is no need to create that perfect Christmas as seen in all those ads.
The best way to make everyone feel welcome is to be a happy relaxed host.
4. Accept Your Relations Just as They Are!
Christmas can stir up lots of family stuff.
You are all together in close proximity for a prolonged period of time so just be aware of any simmering issues.
Know that your relations mean well and they are doing the best they can with their current level of awareness, knowledge and understanding.
Enjoy their special company and eccentricities today – no one knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, never mind by next Christmas.
Lessons in Life and Death from my Father
5. Do Something Different This Year
Look at some smart ways of doing something different this year.
Perhaps change the venue of your Christmas party or dinner, or make it a Christmas full of activities such as walking.
Create an alternative Christmas lunch – rather than slaving over the usual cooked lunch, have a “free for all” whereby everyone can have their favourite food.
Allow anything as long as it is quick, easy and they can prepare or cook it themselves.
You can then eat as and when you want and bask in front of the TV, if that’s what you like. Then have your Christmas lunch a few days later, once everything has settled down.
6. Enjoy Christmas on Your Own
You could even choose to be on your own for Christmas!
If you are going to be on your own over Christmas, then see it as an opportunity for freedom and space to enjoy the festivities even more.
How Not to Be Lonely This Christmas
Do not let being on your own stop you from having a good time.
Perhaps you can connect with other people like you, and have a communal Christmas lunch together.
7. Volunteer Your Time and Contribute to Others
Christmas is a time of giving and sharing – so focus on helping and serving others, and spread good vibes all around you.
Think who you can help – perhaps a neighbour with the food shopping or babysitting.
How about throwing a children’s party? Or feeding the homeless on Christmas eve?
Remember, it is the giver who gets the gift.
What a great Christmas gift for yourself!
8. Chill Out and Have Fun!
Most Important – Remember to Enjoy Yourself!
If a guest spills some red wine, ask if it really matters. Chill out and know that it will eventually wash out anyway – so is it worth getting your back up?
Just focus on having fun – simply relax and enjoy what is one of the best times of the year.
Spend some quality time with your significant other and plan your time off from housework etc as if you were both still at work on your normal jobs.
Make It Your Best Christmas Ever
Ultimately, you can choose just how this holiday season will be like for you.
You can choose to love the Christmas shopping, the queues, the crushes in the stores, in the same way as you love the seasonal music in stores, the feeling of sharing and the spirit of goodwill.
To quote a Christmas film (Scrooge), ‘We act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people we always hoped we would be.’
And in the coming year, make it one of your goals to be THE person you always hoped to be, ALL year around.
Have a joyous Christmas everyone!
The post 8 Smart Ways To Make This Christmas Your Best Ever appeared first on .
December 2, 2017
How to Start Living Again After the Loss of a Loved One
Exactly 10 years ago in December 2007, I suddenly lost my father in the middle of the night. And it took me a long time to get over my grief. This is the story of my journey of pain and recovery.
My phone rang in the middle of a cold December night.
I woke up with a jerk. Annoyed that I had forgotten to switch off my phone.
But as soon as I looked at the phone and saw that it was my mother calling, I knew it was tragic news.
My mother was hysterical. My father had just died. He was no longer with us.
My life was never the same again.
What’s the most excruciating pain you have ever felt in your life?
I don’t mean physical pain, but the pain of the loss of a loved one. And how did you even get through?
It is now almost 10 years since I got through the most excruciatingly painful time of my life when my father suddenly passed away in the middle of that fateful December night.
He had a massive heart attack and passed away in the presence of my mother — they had been together for 54 years.
It was a crushingly traumatic period in my life.
Only 6 months before my father died, my best friend had passed away through suicide.
It felt that the whole world was against me — and that I would never get through this torture and pain.
I kept thinking — why me?
Is Death and Grief All Around Us?As we get older it’s inevitable that we will experience more and more deaths in our immediate family, amongst our friends and in the wider community.
We now also have the experience of our Social Media “virtual friends” either dying or losing their loved ones.
Last month a couple of Facebook friends lost their father too — I could fully empathise with what they were going through. It even felt that I was grieving with them all over again for my own father.
Suddenly it seems that death is all around us — so many people have lost someone recently.
Then last week, a new friend I had only recently connected with through my coaching community tragically passed away at the tender young age of 28. He was an incredible man and on a powerful mission to end war in the world.
Such a tragic loss not just for his family and friends, but for the whole world.
So where do you even begin to comprehend and get through such life-changing losses in your world?
Yes, you can weep and cry your heart out. You can wail and scream. You can despair and give up. You can rage against the unfairness of it all.
And you can fear that it is the end of the world for you.
But then how do you start to live again?
They say that only if you have lost someone can you really understand and feel what those who have just lost someone is going through.
Has Your World Ever Changed Forever in Just a Few Seconds?
So there I was having just been told by my mother that my father was no longer with us.
And in those few seconds, my world changed forever.
I suddenly felt all alone in the world and that my own life had come to an end.
The following few hours and days after that fateful phone call are a haze — I blanked out most of that time as some kind of protective shield.
I remember very little of the following three months as I got into a hazy, stupor.
I got into auto-pilot mode, manically focussed on the practical things — organising the funeral, sorting out the estate and anything to avoid truly feeling my pain.
I was the rock for my mother, siblings and nephews.
Funerals are poignant, moving and timely reminders of the sanctity, sacredness and ultimate fragility of our lives. And my father’s funeral was all of these things and much more.
My brief eulogy at the funeral, carrying the coffin and meeting hundreds of relatives and friends at the funeral — all that was just a blurry haze amidst the driving rain that cold and dark wintry morning.
This eulogy was one of the hardest and most nerve-raking things I have ever done. I think I managed to say that my father’s greatest gift was his compassion and love for people.
Somehow I got through those initial few months but even now the sense of loss and sadness is acute.
Does One Ever Get Over The Loss of a Loved One?Looking back, I just don’t know how I have got through that first year. And now incredibly it’s almost 10 years.
The years since have seemed so empty without my father. I terribly miss talking to him on the phone, visiting him and watching cricket together.
The loss felt most gut wrenching and painful — at the special occasions during the first year after his passing such as his birthday, my birthday, my parents wedding anniversary and Diwali and Christmas — it was then that his absence was the most painful.
Have You Ever Lost Someone in Tragic Circumstances?Just a few months before I lost my father, my best friend Rodney committed suicide in the USA, just a week after he had spent a few days with me here in London.
Only a year before his death, I had been the best man at his wedding — and he took his own life just a few days before his first wedding anniversary.
When Rodney left the UK for the final time, little did I know that that was the last time I would see him.
He sent me a really touching and heartfelt text message from the airport, thanking me for all my friendship over the years and saying what a kind friend I had been to him.
It was only afterwards that I realised Rodney was saying goodbye — that was his last ever message to me.
The tragic loss of my dear friend left a huge void in my life — we had been through many good and bad times and challenges — and shared many an adventure together.
It breaks me now to know what he went through in his final days and to know how desperate and anxious he must have been.
I could not talk about Rodney’s passing for a long time, and even now I well up as I write these words.
So how does one ever get over the loss of a loved one?
Here is what helped me get through the darkest time of my life.
1. Grieve As Much As You Need to and Know That It’s Okay to Cry
The best thing you can do is to really, really, really feel your pain — and cry.
There is no need to “man up” — and pretend to be strong.
The “silent types” like me probably suffer more and for a longer time — so many times during my father’s funeral and during the 12 days of the traditional Indian grieving period, I wished I could just bawl my head off like almost everyone else around me. But I just could not.
I once cried for all of 2 minutes privately in the bathroom — and that was just about it. And I have been crying silently in my heart ever since.
As I said, over the following weeks I went into auto mode and just got on with doing things — there were no tears but a terrible numbness which no sleep nor rest could break through.
There was a lot of grieving still to be done for me and I just had to allow it to occur naturally in its own good time.
So be open and vulnerable. Cry as much as you want to. Cry in front of others. Cry on your own. But do cry.
It is remarkable just how strong the human spirit can be in such trying circumstances.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Your Grief with Family, Friends and Community
Be open and talk about your grief and feelings with the people close to you.
Families can be a wonderful thing yet quite a challenge — sometimes we just can’t live with each other for long and yet when it comes to our true hour of need, everyone rallies around.
When I lost my father, I was simply overwhelmed with the compassion shown to us by our many friends and family members during the ensuing weeks. And I was contacted by numerous people from my distant past and many friends sent the most moving messages and cards.
Amidst the sadness and grief, there was a feeling of tenderness and closeness amongst my siblings and other family members I had never experienced ever before — — we all felt incredibly close to each other as we grieved our loss and perhaps also appreciated for the first time our own mortality.
It was heart wrenching to know that it took my father’s passing for all this latent love to surface.
Such closeness, such caring, and though seemingly and perversely short lived, it was and will always be there. I felt closer to my uncles, aunts and other extended family and realised that they too had lost a loved one in my father.
If more people could witness at first hand the grief of a bereaved family, I am sure there would be a lot less violence and warfare in the world.
When I spoke at my friend Rodney’s memorial service, I started reading from my prepared speech but the raw emotion got to me and I could not continue beyond the first few seconds.
I looked up at the audience through misty eyes — and I felt such love and warmth from the 60 people there. And I said the rest of my speech straight from my heart without referring to my written notes.
Remember that people are incredibly kind — they share your grief and are there for you.
People have an amazing capacity to be compassionate — allow them to show you their compassion and kindness during your time of need.
“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike — each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” — Buddha
Also by talking to a close family member, you’ll both be helping each other’s healing. Seek out and talk to whoever you feel comfortable with — and know that it’s perfectly okay to talk about it.
Maybe you just need a good friend who would be willing to simply listen and be there for you.
Reach out to your community and actively seek out support if that feels right for you — even consider reaching out to your friends on Facebook or any of the online communities you are part of.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Spend Time on Your Own, Remembering Your Loved One
As well as spending time with family and friends, do not be afraid to also spend time on your own.
Do what you need to do as each person’s journey will be different and you will deal with your loss in your own way.
Ask people for space if that’s what you feel you need — they will understand.
The best thing a friend did for me when I lost my father was to invite me to spend the day at her home. She prepared loads of comfort food all day and left me alone in front of her TV all day.
I watched all sorts of mindless soaps and action movies, anything to take my mind off things — and it was just what I needed as I cried most of the day on her couch, knowing that I would not be judged or seen as a wimp.
Do go for long walks in nature, either on your own or with friends. Being in fresh air and exercising will take your mind of things — and also make you present to the majesty of the universe and how we all fit in.
Perhaps you will get a sense of the eternalness of our lives. Or perhaps you’ll grasp just how miniscule we are in the great scheme of things.
Maybe amidst all the gloom, you’ll get to see your life and future direction in a new light.
During this time of solitude, reflect on what has happened — and remember the many special times you had with your loved one.
Giggle at the silly fun you used to have and smile at their nuances and peculiarities — all those quirks which made your loved one so unique and adorable.
Look back on the happy times. Look back on the sad times. Look back on the fun times. Look back on the challenging times. Look back and remember.
And as you remember, cry as much as you want to.
4. Remember That Seeking Special Help and Support For Your Grief is Not Failure
Having many supportive friends around you is wonderful, but professional support may help too.
Grief counselling can offer you a platform to express your grief and sadness.
Though I never had grief counselling, looking back I do wonder if it would have helped me.
As a man, it does not seem manly to need counselling. Men tend to feel they should be able to handle their emotions and may wrongly view counselling as an admission of weakness.
Every one deals with grief in their own way — and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
There is no magical formula for “getting over it”, only the passing of time, patience and compassion with oneself.
Time may not necessarily heal but it makes the burden of grief become manageable whereby you can live, function and become happy once more, experiencing joy again, while never forgetting your loved one.
Also seek out medical support if you feel yourself at a physical and emotional low. Just talking to a doctor will reassure that you are only experiencing the normal phases of grieving.
Your faith can also really support you at this time — depending on your faith and beliefs, seek out support from your priest, rabbi, pastor or spiritual teacher.
Whatever you do, do not lock yourself away in isolation — know that everyone is rooting for you and supporting you in the best way they can. Allow them a chance to do so.
At the same time, during the grieving period, try and keep your cool as emotions can run high and even amongst loved ones misunderstandings can happen.
5. Give Your Grieving Process as Much Time as You Need
It is said to be a cliche about time being the great healer.
But who cares about cliches!?
You take as much time as you need to for your grieving process. Do not listen to others who tell you that you should have “got over” the loss by now.
Every one deals with grief in their own way — and there is no right or wrong and nor is there a magic formula for “getting over it”.
Recently a friend mentioned how he felt something was wrong with him since he still felt so down after the loss of his own father two years ago. Some friends had told him that this was not normal and he should have “got over” it by now.
I reassured him that it was perfectly okay for him to grieve as was appropriate for him and for as long as needed — everyone has a different journey and their own way of dealing with loss.
I did suggest though that he could look into some grief counselling if it was impacting his life so much.
6. Appreciate Your Loved Ones and Honour Them by Living a Life Worthy of Them
In the year after my father passed away, I went through his printed papers and books — and I was astounded by the breadth and depth of his knowledge, and his compassion and love of people.
I never truly appreciated what he stood for nor what he had done for me. Learning how he had worked so hard so that we could all have a better life than his generation was quite a humbling realisation.
I now lament that I didn’t show him my full appreciation in his lifetime — he did his best for me and everything he could for me, with the knowledge, resources and understanding he had at the time.
I will also always recall his kind and sometimes eccentric nature and what made him my father — such as cantankerously checking that all the doors and windows were locked last thing at night and always wanting to know if I had eaten properly no matter what time I called him, day or night.
What you experience as quirky about your loved ones today will become treasured memories one day.
During my deepest grieving for my father, I watched yet again my all-time favourite movies — “It’s a Wonderful Life!” — about a man who feels like a total failure.
Just when his spirit is about to be broken, his guardian angel, Clarence, falls to Earth, and shows him how his town, family, and friends would have turned out if he had never been born.
This heart-warming movie made me appreciate just how many lives my own father had touched in his lifetime through his life of service to others.
Everyone’s life has a meaning — and in the same way, your departed loved one’s life served a bigger purpose and the world would not have been the same if they had not lived.
So as you grieve, remember and honour them for the impact they made on so many people.
The biggest gift my father gave me was my life and I can never thank him (and my mother) enough. All I can do is to endeavour to live a life worthy of both my parents.
7. Express Your Love to Your Loved Ones Whilst You Can
Recently I attended the funeral of an elderly relative where I cried copious tears as I remembered once again the loss of my father.
My tears were for not only for my father but also for all my past losses — forgotten dreams, lost hopes, squandered time, estranged friends, broken relationships, people let down, hurts still festering — indeed a huge cocktail of feelings of grief.
And most of all, I cried tears for love not shared, expressed, recognised or reciprocated.
So do not wait any longer — go and spend some valuable time with your loved ones — and get in touch with those family and friends who mean so much to you.
Visit them. Call them. Email them. Text them. Whatever works for you. Contact them somehow. And tell them just how much they mean to you.
8. Create a Legacy Worthy of Your Loved One“The love you fail to share today is the only pain you live with right now in your life” — Shore Slocum
Though I cannot claim to fully understand the pain that you are going through nor underestimate your anguish, I do know that you are gifted with such resolute strength that you can get through it all — and begin to live once again.
It is remarkable just how strong the human spirit can be in such trying circumstances.
Losing a loved one is the deepest pain you’ll go through in life — but let that also instil in you an urgency to experience life as fully as you can — whilst you can.
Let the loss of a loved one ultimately be a wake-up call for you to make the most of your life — and create your legacy and do what you can for the world — whilst you can.
Let this be a clarion call for getting out of the trap of wanting to be the best, acquiring more stuff and spending time in frivolous activities — and truly going for what you want in your life.
Make a promise to yourself to live the best life you can from hereon.
My father left behind quite a legacy. He lives on in his books — and in me.
What will be your legacy?
What will your loved ones remember you by?
9. Remember That The Love of Your Departed Loved One Will Never Leave You
Remember that the happy memories of your departed loved one will always stay with you.
Perhaps ultimately that is what counts more than anything else — and the awareness that their great love for you will always be with us.
That awareness really frees us up on our quest for completeness and happiness — which after all is what our departed loved ones want for us anyway.
Earlier this summer, a friend lost her mother after a long term illness and brave fight — and just a couple of weeks later, my friend gave birth to a baby girl.
She shared something incredibly poignant — knowing just how much she loved her newly born daughter had made her realise just how deeply and unconditionally she had been loved by her own mother all her life.
Amidst the despair of losing her mother and the joy of giving birth to her baby daughter, my friend had a great awareness of just how much her own mother had loved her, and how this deep and profound love was still there and will always be there.
In that moment, when my friend shared about her mother’s love, I too felt just how great my father’s love had been for me and how it too will always be there.
I am only now able to grasp the depth of my father’s love for me — and knowing that this love will always be there even in his physical absence is incredibly heartening and consoling.
I get so emotional even thinking about this — and I write this through teary eyes.
Somehow, when we remember our loved ones we think about all the things we didn’t do or say, or regret some of the things we did say which we wish we hadn’t.
In that moment of feeling my father’s love, it suddenly became clear to me that in the great scheme of things, these regrets did not matter. Somehow that realisation gave me a sense of completion with my father.
So know that during this period of your grieving, in time you’ll get over your regrets and bask in their love that will always be there.
“To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die” — Thomas Campbell
Your departed loved one will also always be with you too, no matter what — and they will always continue to live in your heart.
Remember to not only mourn the passing of your dear one, but also to celebrate their life.
Remember them and pledge to yourself to make the most of each day and the most of this fleeting life that we are all so lucky to have.
Yes, we do live in a beautiful world and there is so much goodness in us and around us. But it is also the nature of life that we are meant to experience the excruciating pain of a loss of a loved one.
Yet, life can also give us such heart rending, excruciatingly painful experiences that it takes all we have and much more to even get through each day.
Maybe we never ever truly get over the loss of a loved one.
Maybe we never completely heal, but just cover it up.
Maybe with time the pain just diminishes but never totally goes away.
But our love lives on forever.
As you grieve the loss of your loved one, remember that everything changes.
Buddhist and Yogic traditions teach us about the futility of fighting to hold on to what we have — everything changes and ultimately we all go back to where we came from.
What helped get me through my darkest days of grief was this little mantra I adopted and kept repeating to myself — this too will pass.
Incredibly 10 years have now passed — and here I am wondering where that time has gone.
My excruciating pain and despair did pass — and though the void and sadness will always be there, I am left with treasured and beautiful memories of my father.
No matter what your beliefs about spirituality, the afterlife and reincarnation, take comfort that your departed loved one is at peace — and they are at peace with you.
And their deep love will always be with you.
Editorial note:- I first published this post on Medium in October 2017
Please Share this article if it has helped you – others may also benefit from these ideas.
Photos from Tom Pumford, Shelby Deeter, Gus Moretta, Tim Mossholder on Unsplash and woodleywonderworks/
The post How to Start Living Again After the Loss of a Loved One appeared first on Make It Happen.
Why the Loss of a Loved One is Not the End of the World: How to Start Living Again
Exactly 10 years ago in December 2007, I suddenly lost my father in the middle of the night. And it took me a long time to get over my grief. This is the story of my journey of pain and recovery.
My phone rang in the middle of a cold December night.
I woke up with a jerk. Annoyed that I had forgotten to switch off my phone.
But as soon as I looked at the phone and saw that it was my mother calling, I knew it was tragic news.
My mother was hysterical. My father had just died. He was no longer with us.
My life was never the same again.
What’s the most excruciating pain you have ever felt in your life?
I don’t mean physical pain, but the pain of the loss of a loved one. And how did you even get through?
It is now almost 10 years since I got through the most excruciatingly painful time of my life when my father suddenly passed away in the middle of that fateful December night.
He had a massive heart attack and passed away in the presence of my mother — they had been together for 54 years.
It was a crushingly traumatic period in my life.
Only 6 months before my father died, my best friend had passed away through suicide.
It felt that the whole world was against me — and that I would never get through this torture and pain.
I kept thinking — why me?
Is Death and Grief All Around Us?
As we get older it’s inevitable that we will experience more and more deaths in our immediate family, amongst our friends and in the wider community.
We now also have the experience of our Social Media “virtual friends” either dying or losing their loved ones.
Last month a couple of Facebook friends lost their father too — I could fully empathise with what they were going through. It even felt that I was grieving with them all over again for my own father.
Suddenly it seems that death is all around us — so many people have lost someone recently.
Then last week, a new friend I had only recently connected with through my coaching community tragically passed away at the tender young age of 28. He was an incredible man and on a powerful mission to end war in the world.
Such a tragic loss not just for his family and friends, but for the whole world.
So where do you even begin to comprehend and get through such life-changing losses in your world?
Yes, you can weep and cry your heart out. You can wail and scream. You can despair and give up. You can rage against the unfairness of it all.
And you can fear that it is the end of the world for you.
But then how do you start to live again?
They say that only if you have lost someone can you really understand and feel what those who have just lost someone is going through.
Has Your World Ever Changed Forever in Just a Few Seconds?
So there I was having just been told by my mother that my father was no longer with us.
And in those few seconds, my world changed forever.
I suddenly felt all alone in the world and that my own life had come to an end.
The following few hours and days after that fateful phone call are a haze — I blanked out most of that time as some kind of protective shield.
I remember very little of the following three months as I got into a hazy, stupor.
I got into auto-pilot mode, manically focussed on the practical things — organising the funeral, sorting out the estate and anything to avoid truly feeling my pain.
I was the rock for my mother, siblings and nephews.
Funerals are poignant, moving and timely reminders of the sanctity, sacredness and ultimate fragility of our lives. And my father’s funeral was all of these things and much more.
My brief eulogy at the funeral, carrying the coffin and meeting hundreds of relatives and friends at the funeral — all that was just a blurry haze amidst the driving rain that cold and dark wintry morning.
This eulogy was one of the hardest and most nerve-raking things I have ever done. I think I managed to say that my father’s greatest gift was his compassion and love for people.
Somehow I got through those initial few months but even now the sense of loss and sadness is acute.
Does One Ever Get Over The Loss of a Loved One?
Looking back, I just don’t know how I have got through that first year. And now incredibly it’s almost 10 years.
The years since have seemed so empty without my father. I terribly miss talking to him on the phone, visiting him and watching cricket together.
The loss felt most gut wrenching and painful — at the special occasions during the first year after his passing such as his birthday, my birthday, my parents wedding anniversary and Diwali and Christmas — it was then that his absence was the most painful.
Have You Ever Lost Someone in Tragic Circumstances?
Just a few months before I lost my father, my best friend Rodney committed suicide in the USA, just a week after he had spent a few days with me here in London.
Only a year before his death, I had been the best man at his wedding — and he took his own life just a few days before his first wedding anniversary.
When Rodney left the UK for the final time, little did I know that that was the last time I would see him.
He sent me a really touching and heartfelt text message from the airport, thanking me for all my friendship over the years and saying what a kind friend I had been to him.
It was only afterwards that I realised Rodney was saying goodbye — that was his last ever message to me.
The tragic loss of my dear friend left a huge void in my life — we had been through many good and bad times and challenges — and shared many an adventure together.
It breaks me now to know what he went through in his final days and to know how desperate and anxious he must have been.
I could not talk about Rodney’s passing for a long time, and even now I well up as I write these words.
So how does one ever get over the loss of a loved one?
Here is what helped me get through the darkest time of my life.
1. Grieve As Much As You Need to and Know That It’s Okay to Cry
The best thing you can do is to really, really, really feel your pain — and cry.
There is no need to “man up” — and pretend to be strong.
The “silent types” like me probably suffer more and for a longer time — so many times during my father’s funeral and during the 12 days of the traditional Indian grieving period, I wished I could just bawl my head off like almost everyone else around me. But I just could not.
I once cried for all of 2 minutes privately in the bathroom — and that was just about it. And I have been crying silently in my heart ever since.
As I said, over the following weeks I went into auto mode and just got on with doing things — there were no tears but a terrible numbness which no sleep nor rest could break through.
There was a lot of grieving still to be done for me and I just had to allow it to occur naturally in its own good time.
So be open and vulnerable. Cry as much as you want to. Cry in front of others. Cry on your own. But do cry.
It is remarkable just how strong the human spirit can be in such trying circumstances.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Your Grief with Family, Friends and Community
Be open and talk about your grief and feelings with the people close to you.
Families can be a wonderful thing yet quite a challenge — sometimes we just can’t live with each other for long and yet when it comes to our true hour of need, everyone rallies around.
When I lost my father, I was simply overwhelmed with the compassion shown to us by our many friends and family members during the ensuing weeks. And I was contacted by numerous people from my distant past and many friends sent the most moving messages and cards.
Amidst the sadness and grief, there was a feeling of tenderness and closeness amongst my siblings and other family members I had never experienced ever before — — we all felt incredibly close to each other as we grieved our loss and perhaps also appreciated for the first time our own mortality.
It was heart wrenching to know that it took my father’s passing for all this latent love to surface.
Such closeness, such caring, and though seemingly and perversely short lived, it was and will always be there. I felt closer to my uncles, aunts and other extended family and realised that they too had lost a loved one in my father.
If more people could witness at first hand the grief of a bereaved family, I am sure there would be a lot less violence and warfare in the world.
When I spoke at my friend Rodney’s memorial service, I started reading from my prepared speech but the raw emotion got to me and I could not continue beyond the first few seconds.
I looked up at the audience through misty eyes — and I felt such love and warmth from the 60 people there. And I said the rest of my speech straight from my heart without referring to my written notes.
Remember that people are incredibly kind — they share your grief and are there for you.
People have an amazing capacity to be compassionate — allow them to show you their compassion and kindness during your time of need.
“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike — each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” — Buddha
Also by talking to a close family member, you’ll both be helping each other’s healing. Seek out and talk to whoever you feel comfortable with — and know that it’s perfectly okay to talk about it.
Maybe you just need a good friend who would be willing to simply listen and be there for you.
Reach out to your community and actively seek out support if that feels right for you — even consider reaching out to your friends on Facebook or any of the online communities you are part of.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Spend Time on Your Own, Remembering Your Loved One
As well as spending time with family and friends, do not be afraid to also spend time on your own.
Do what you need to do as each person’s journey will be different and you will deal with your loss in your own way.
Ask people for space if that’s what you feel you need — they will understand.
The best thing a friend did for me when I lost my father was to invite me to spend the day at her home. She prepared loads of comfort food all day and left me alone in front of her TV all day.
I watched all sorts of mindless soaps and action movies, anything to take my mind off things — and it was just what I needed as I cried most of the day on her couch, knowing that I would not be judged or seen as a wimp.
Do go for long walks in nature, either on your own or with friends. Being in fresh air and exercising will take your mind of things — and also make you present to the majesty of the universe and how we all fit in.
Perhaps you will get a sense of the eternalness of our lives. Or perhaps you’ll grasp just how miniscule we are in the great scheme of things.
Maybe amidst all the gloom, you’ll get to see your life and future direction in a new light.
During this time of solitude, reflect on what has happened — and remember the many special times you had with your loved one.
Giggle at the silly fun you used to have and smile at their nuances and peculiarities — all those quirks which made your loved one so unique and adorable.
Look back on the happy times. Look back on the sad times. Look back on the fun times. Look back on the challenging times. Look back and remember.
And as you remember, cry as much as you want to.
4. Remember That Seeking Special Help and Support For Your Grief is Not Failure
Having many supportive friends around you is wonderful, but professional support may help too.
Grief counselling can offer you a platform to express your grief and sadness.
Though I never had grief counselling, looking back I do wonder if it would have helped me.
As a man, it does not seem manly to need counselling. Men tend to feel they should be able to handle their emotions and may wrongly view counselling as an admission of weakness.
Every one deals with grief in their own way — and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
There is no magical formula for “getting over it”, only the passing of time, patience and compassion with oneself.
Time may not necessarily heal but it makes the burden of grief become manageable whereby you can live, function and become happy once more, experiencing joy again, while never forgetting your loved one.
Also seek out medical support if you feel yourself at a physical and emotional low. Just talking to a doctor will reassure that you are only experiencing the normal phases of grieving.
Your faith can also really support you at this time — depending on your faith and beliefs, seek out support from your priest, rabbi, pastor or spiritual teacher.
Whatever you do, do not lock yourself away in isolation — know that everyone is rooting for you and supporting you in the best way they can. Allow them a chance to do so.
At the same time, during the grieving period, try and keep your cool as emotions can run high and even amongst loved ones misunderstandings can happen.
5. Give Your Grieving Process as Much Time as You Need
It is said to be a cliche about time being the great healer.
But who cares about cliches!?
You take as much time as you need to for your grieving process. Do not listen to others who tell you that you should have “got over” the loss by now.
Every one deals with grief in their own way — and there is no right or wrong and nor is there a magic formula for “getting over it”.
Recently a friend mentioned how he felt something was wrong with him since he still felt so down after the loss of his own father two years ago. Some friends had told him that this was not normal and he should have “got over” it by now.
I reassured him that it was perfectly okay for him to grieve as was appropriate for him and for as long as needed — everyone has a different journey and their own way of dealing with loss.
I did suggest though that he could look into some grief counselling if it was impacting his life so much.
6. Appreciate Your Loved Ones and Honour Them by Living a Life Worthy of Them
In the year after my father passed away, I went through his printed papers and books — and I was astounded by the breadth and depth of his knowledge, and his compassion and love of people.
I never truly appreciated what he stood for nor what he had done for me. Learning how he had worked so hard so that we could all have a better life than his generation was quite a humbling realisation.
I now lament that I didn’t show him my full appreciation in his lifetime — he did his best for me and everything he could for me, with the knowledge, resources and understanding he had at the time.
I will also always recall his kind and sometimes eccentric nature and what made him my father — such as cantankerously checking that all the doors and windows were locked last thing at night and always wanting to know if I had eaten properly no matter what time I called him, day or night.
What you experience as quirky about your loved ones today will become treasured memories one day.
During my deepest grieving for my father, I watched yet again my all-time favourite movies — “It’s a Wonderful Life!” — about a man who feels like a total failure.
Just when his spirit is about to be broken, his guardian angel, Clarence, falls to Earth, and shows him how his town, family, and friends would have turned out if he had never been born.
This heart-warming movie made me appreciate just how many lives my own father had touched in his lifetime through his life of service to others.
Everyone’s life has a meaning — and in the same way, your departed loved one’s life served a bigger purpose and the world would not have been the same if they had not lived.
So as you grieve, remember and honour them for the impact they made on so many people.
The biggest gift my father gave me was my life and I can never thank him (and my mother) enough. All I can do is to endeavour to live a life worthy of both my parents.
7. Express Your Love to Your Loved Ones Whilst You Can
Recently I attended the funeral of an elderly relative where I cried copious tears as I remembered once again the loss of my father.
My tears were for not only for my father but also for all my past losses — forgotten dreams, lost hopes, squandered time, estranged friends, broken relationships, people let down, hurts still festering — indeed a huge cocktail of feelings of grief.
And most of all, I cried tears for love not shared, expressed, recognised or reciprocated.
So do not wait any longer — go and spend some valuable time with your loved ones — and get in touch with those family and friends who mean so much to you.
Visit them. Call them. Email them. Text them. Whatever works for you. Contact them somehow. And tell them just how much they mean to you.
“The love you fail to share today is the only pain you live with right now in your life” — Shore Slocum
8. Create a Legacy Worthy of Your Loved One
Though I cannot claim to fully understand the pain that you are going through nor underestimate your anguish, I do know that you are gifted with such resolute strength that you can get through it all — and begin to live once again.
It is remarkable just how strong the human spirit can be in such trying circumstances.
Losing a loved one is the deepest pain you’ll go through in life — but let that also instil in you an urgency to experience life as fully as you can — whilst you can.
Let the loss of a loved one ultimately be a wake-up call for you to make the most of your life — and create your legacy and do what you can for the world — whilst you can.
Let this be a clarion call for getting out of the trap of wanting to be the best, acquiring more stuff and spending time in frivolous activities — and truly going for what you want in your life.
Make a promise to yourself to live the best life you can from hereon.
My father left behind quite a legacy. He lives on in his books — and in me.
What will be your legacy?
What will your loved ones remember you by?
9. Remember That The Love of Your Departed Loved One Will Never Leave You
Remember that the happy memories of your departed loved one will always stay with you.
Perhaps ultimately that is what counts more than anything else — and the awareness that their great love for you will always be with us.
That awareness really frees us up on our quest for completeness and happiness — which after all is what our departed loved ones want for us anyway.
Earlier this summer, a friend lost her mother after a long term illness and brave fight — and just a couple of weeks later, my friend gave birth to a baby girl.
She shared something incredibly poignant — knowing just how much she loved her newly born daughter had made her realise just how deeply and unconditionally she had been loved by her own mother all her life.
Amidst the despair of losing her mother and the joy of giving birth to her baby daughter, my friend had a great awareness of just how much her own mother had loved her, and how this deep and profound love was still there and will always be there.
In that moment, when my friend shared about her mother’s love, I too felt just how great my father’s love had been for me and how it too will always be there.
I am only now able to grasp the depth of my father’s love for me — and knowing that this love will always be there even in his physical absence is incredibly heartening and consoling.
I get so emotional even thinking about this — and I write this through teary eyes.
Somehow, when we remember our loved ones we think about all the things we didn’t do or say, or regret some of the things we did say which we wish we hadn’t.
In that moment of feeling my father’s love, it suddenly became clear to me that in the great scheme of things, these regrets did not matter. Somehow that realisation gave me a sense of completion with my father.
So know that during this period of your grieving, in time you’ll get over your regrets and bask in their love that will always be there.
“To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die” — Thomas Campbell
Your departed loved one will also always be with you too, no matter what — and they will always continue to live in your heart.
Remember to not only mourn the passing of your dear one, but also to celebrate their life.
Remember them and pledge to yourself to make the most of each day and the most of this fleeting life that we are all so lucky to have.
Yes, we do live in a beautiful world and there is so much goodness in us and around us. But it is also the nature of life that we are meant to experience the excruciating pain of a loss of a loved one.
Yet, life can also give us such heart rending, excruciatingly painful experiences that it takes all we have and much more to even get through each day.
Maybe we never ever truly get over the loss of a loved one.
Maybe we never completely heal, but just cover it up.
Maybe with time the pain just diminishes but never totally goes away.
But our love lives on forever.
Remember that Everything Changes — and This Too Will Pass
As you grieve the loss of your loved one, remember that everything changes.
Buddhist and Yogic traditions teach us about the futility of fighting to hold on to what we have — everything changes and ultimately we all go back to where we came from.
What helped get me through my darkest days of grief was this little mantra I adopted and kept repeating to myself — this too will pass.
Incredibly 10 years have now passed — and here I am wondering where that time has gone.
My excruciating pain and despair did pass — and though the void and sadness will always be there, I am left with treasured and beautiful memories of my father.
No matter what your beliefs about spirituality, the afterlife and reincarnation, take comfort that your departed loved one is at peace — and they are at peace with you.
And their deep love will always be with you.
Ready to Truly Start Living Again?
I’ve created a powerful manifesto to help you to truly start living and create your legacy that your loved ones will be proud of.
Get your Make It Happen Manifesto here.
Editorial note:- I first published this post on Medium in October 2017
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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog and make the world a better place. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thanks for reading! – Arvind
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The post Why the Loss of a Loved One is Not the End of the World: How to Start Living Again appeared first on Make It Happen.
January 11, 2017
How to Master the Art of Saying Thank You
Do you say “thank you” like you mean it or do you just say it casually and almost apologetically?
And when you thank someone, just how appreciative are you really being?
Today, 11th January 2017 is International Thank You Day!
So firstly, thank you for being in my life and for reading my blog posts :-).
There is an art of saying thank you and mastering this one skill will instantly make your day to day interactions with people deeper and richer.
The key is very simple – you really have to mean it when you say thank you!
People get it when you genuinely mean something and also when you are just going through the motions.
Put yourself on the receiving end of being thanked – I bet you remember well the few times when someone has truly shown their appreciation.
I shall always remember the day when I invited a new friend for dinner and she asked if she could bring something – I simply suggested she brought a huge appetite.
She turned up laden with gifts – a thank you card, flowers, a bottle of wine and something for dessert! It was so thoughtful and unexpected; to this day I still share her story like I am doing right now.
The most beautiful thing about truly thanking someone and expressing your gratitude is that it creates a deeper and instant bond between people.
Many a time a harried shop assistant has been working for many hours and has to face demanding customers. Yet it will take very little on your part to improve his or her day by showing your appreciation.
When I visit the USA, I always smile when someone says to me – “Have a nice day!”
I used to think this was a bit corny, but now I know that the very act of saying this phrase does impact both people in a positive way.
Here are my tips for mastering the art of saying thank you:-
1. Say “Thank You” Like You Mean It
This is key – say it like you really mean it from your heart. Pause and even slow down your speech when you say the words.
Be vocal and voracious about conveying your thanks – don’t be shy.
“I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom.” – Anonymous
2. Look for Opportunities to Thank Others
It all comes down to living your life with an attitude of gratitude – and when you do so, you actively seek out opportunities to appreciate and thank people
“I feel a very unusual sensation – if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.” – Benjamin Disraeli
Every time someone does something for you, it’s an opportunity for you to thank them.
At the same time, do not confuse giving thanks and compliments with flattery. You should be positive, sincere and focused on something specific. For example, “You look radiant today”; “You sang really well today”.
Conversely, don’t be flippant when some one praises you or gives you a compliment. Instead of saying it’s nothing, just say “thank you”.
3. Look People in the Eye
When you say thanks and look at people in the eye at the same time, your words will have great meaning.
I thought I was great at looking people in the eye but recently found that I hadn’t been doing it much recently.
Notice how much you actually look people in the eye – and learn to do so all the time.
Of course, you don’t stare intently as that could be a bit disconcerting and spooky!
4. Use their Name
If you know their name, then do address them using their name. Most people who make your life so easy such as shop assistants usually have a name badge on for a reason – so you can get to now their name and get to know them better.
However most people don’t address shop assistants properly and just see them as somebody there to bag up their groceries. You will be surprised how much it means to them when you thank them and use their name at the same time.
If you don’t know their names, then it’s easy to find out – just ask!
5. Be Specific About What You Are Thanking People For
Sometimes it means even more when people know what they are being thanked for e.g. Thanks so much John for bagging up my groceries.
It makes the whole exchange richer and more meaningful than just a casual “thanks”.
From today onwards, begin to find out the name of the people who serve you such as your postman and newsagent.
6. Send a Thank You Note or a Gift
With the advent of email and text messages, people are far less personal in conveying their thanks.
If you can’t thank someone face to face in person, call and speak to them.
If you can’t see them or call them, then send them a hand-written note or a thank-you card. And if you feel the situation warrants it, then send a gift.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow” – Melody Beattie
7. Commend and Refer People to Others
One of the best ways of showing your appreciation for what someone has done for you is to refer their services to other people.
I have a health practitioner friend who was very supportive to me a few years ago, and to date I have referred her to dozens of new clients and that’s my way of thanking her.
You could also commend someone to their manager for something they have done for you.
The possibilities of praising someone and showing your appreciation directly and indirectly are endless.
Let’s Create a Crescendo of Appreciation
You have a choice in how you behave towards others. You can be generous, considerate and caring to the people around you or you can be selfish, self centered and always put your own interests first.
“Every time we remember to say “thank you”, we experience nothing less than heaven on earth.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Remember that when you are genuine and authentic and you mean it, people will get you.
A sincere compliment or even just acknowledging people’s presence can make a huge difference to them – and you.
Remind yourself that every interaction with another human being is a gift and an opportunity for growth and contribution. Everyone you meet is an amazing teacher.
Let us all begin a crescendo of appreciation and thanking people from today.
Thank you:-)
The post How to Master the Art of Saying Thank You appeared first on Make It Happen.
November 24, 2016
Happy Thanksgiving Day – Time to Celebrate our Challenges!
Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone!
Well, a lot has happened in the world over the last few weeks. Just what is the world coming to!?
If you look around, the world faces umpteen challenges today and it’s really time for us to rise to the challenge and make it happen for a better world for all us. At the same time we have to make the most of our own lives and make the most of what we all have.
Even at a personal level we all face so many challenges. Right now I have dear friends who are going through a painful divorce whilst a very close coaching friend is going through her last days after a serious illness and is now in palliative care in New York,
Of course it is not how or when you die, but ultimately what matters is how you lived your life – and the legacy you created.
Life is so precious and it breaks my heart every time I hear of the killings and atrocities that happen every day in the name of religion, politics etc.
Right now the world is a very different place compared to last Thanksgiving Day with the Brexit outcome and the USA election.
A while back, a blog reader emailed me directly to challenge my way of looking at the world through “rose-tinted glasses”.
Well, as I replied to him, I am happy to see the world the way I see it. Of course it’s not about being blind to reality, but choosing to see how things can be different and in a way which uplifts and benefits everyone.
So yes, I for one am happy to be upbeat about our humanity and our potential to solve the huge problems we face today. There are so many inspirational people who are striving to change to things for the better – and their number is growing.
(If you would like to read an excellent, in-your-face alternate view on Thanksgiving, then you must check out Fuck your Thanksgiving)
I am always inspired and filled with hope when I learn of all the good things happening in the world. For example, Nirvana School in Pondicherry, South India, is going from strength to strength with over 500 children now receiving a good education and being well cared for.
These children may not have much in material terms, they have so much more to offer us and teach us.
And yet we in the West who have a lot to be thankful for so often take life and all our goodness for granted.
We all have deep within us this calling and a capacity to help others, to make a difference in some way and to make ourselves count.
So my invitation to you on this Thanksgiving Day is to remember to be grateful for all that you have – and to strive for something bigger than you.
Check out my tips on how to live with an attitude of gratitude.
No matter what, celebrate your challenges too!
Also, a while ago, I wrote 5 special articles for this week of Thanksgiving. So to help you celebrate and appreciate all that you have to be thankful for, check out all 5 articles about this special time.
Thanksgiving Lesson 1 – How To Embrace What You Already Have
Thanksgiving Lesson 2 – How To Let Yourself Give and Receive
Thanksgiving Lesson 3 – How To Add a Little Sizzle to Your Relationships
Thanksgiving Lesson 4 – How to Harvest the Wisdom from my Blogger Friends
Thanksgiving Lesson 5 – How to Serve Others at the Global Table
Thanks everyone!
PS As I said, please remember that no matter what challenges you may be facing in your life we all have so much to be grateful for. 
September 6, 2016
The Power of Giving – and Why I Always Carry a Banana
How friendly are you to strangers? Do you reach out to new people you meet or do you hold back?
Over the years I have learnt to take each person at face value and try not to judge them in any way. Friends often comment on how easily I connect with people and how effortlessly I seem to make friends wherever I go. Maybe it’s a gift, maybe it’s just my way of being – but whatever it is, the results are often magical.
Talking to strangers I meet has led to some great friendships as well as many life lessons.
I have had 2 such experiences with homeless people in London which left me moved to tears on both occasions and reminded me once again of the power of giving and receiving.
In London where I live, there are more and more homeless people, many of whom have to resort to begging, whilst others sell the “Big Issue” magazine which helps the homeless create an income and ultimately aims to get them off the street.
I met one such Big Issue seller outside my local train station – he proudly told me that his full name was Christopher Patrick McCormack. We struck up a friendship and we had a repartee going – every time I saw him I called him by his full name – and he would call me by my full name.
I usually carry some bananas with me whilst I am out and about in London, especially for homeless people, and every time I saw Christopher, I would offer him a banana.
A few weeks after meeting Christopher, I also gifted him a copy of my Amazon best-selling book “Get the Life you Love” – and invited him to read it. My intention was that it would somehow help him in whatever way possible to get a different perspective on life and get off the streets and into some employment. But to be honest, a part of me even wondered if he would read it.
Also, the irony of giving a homeless person such a book was not lost on me.
A few months went by – and one evening as I came out of the train station, Christopher excitedly approached me saying that he had something for me.
He then proudly offered me a carton of fruit – and said how glad he was to see me and how he had kept this gift especially for me. I resisted and said I couldn’t take it – it was meant for him!
He then turned around and said:-
“Arvind, YOU need to learn to receive! Come on man, you even wrote about that in your book!”
I was blown away as clearly Christopher had read my book, in which I have a chapter about giving and receiving, and how it was important that we all learnt to receive as well as giving.
So of course I happily accepted Christopher’s gift – and to this day, this has been a reminder for me to be open to receiving – and to never ever underestimate the generosity of people’s hearts, no matter what their own personal circumstances might be.
Random Acts of Kindness
Around the same time, another homeless person blew me away with his humanity and contribution.
One cold dark evening, I walked past a figure huddled up on the side of the pathway outside Euston station. He had a bulky rucksack by his side and looked quite down and out.
I smiled and said I had some bananas if he would like one.
He smiled back as I put my own rucksack down by his side to get him a banana.
As I was doing so, he said “Do you have any water?”
Now at this point, all sorts of thoughts went through my head. Something along the lines of give some people a finger and they take the whole hand! Part of me even resented this apparent cheekiness in asking for water.
I apologised and said I only had the bottle which I had been drinking from and it was almost empty anyway so I couldn’t give him any water.
At this point, he started rummaging through his own rucksack and eventually pulled out a big unopened, bottle of water.
He handed it to me and said “There you are – you have some water now. I think that’s a fair exchange, don’t you – water for a banana?
On one of the few occasions in my life, I was left speechless.
I was left teary eyed – and in that moment I learnt again about the generosity about the human heart – and our infinite capacity to show love and kindness to others, no matter what’s going on for us.
My invitation to you all is to always be on the look out to contribute to others – that’s what gives your life meaning. At the same time, be open to the many wonderful surprises coming back your way.
Want to change the world? Then please carry out a random act of kindness today and every day from now onwards…
Choose from my 31 Ways to Carry Out Random Acts of Kindness.
The post The Power of Giving – and Why I Always Carry a Banana appeared first on Make It Happen.
July 29, 2016
Friends & Friend’s Friends Picnic 2016 (Year 15!)
It’s time for my annual picnic in Regents Park!
Called “Friends & Friend’s Friends Picnic“, it is held every year – and this is YEAR 15!!!
This year it is to be held on Sunday, 31st July 2016.
14 years ago, I had a vision of bringing people together in community in a spirit of fun and contribution – and so I invited all the people in my life to a picnic. And I asked them to invite all their friends too.
So my “Friends & Friend’s Friends Picnic” was born!
With all that’s going on in the world right now, I believe that it’s imperative that we come together as a people as much as possible – and what better way to meet and create new friendships than in a gorgeous setting and with a fun, friendly vibe?
“Far more unites us than divides us” – Jo Cox
History of the Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic
I first had the idea of the Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic in summer 2002 when I wanted to bring together people from my family, my friends and the communities that I was part of.
Rather than inviting everyone out on different days, I asked them all to join me for a picnic in Regents Park – and to also invite their friends and ask them to invite their friends.
I had a few friends comment on how easily I was able to connect and make new friends – it was like magic to them!
So I wanted to introduce all my London friends to each other – and bring strangers together in a spirit of community and friendship in London where people seem to live in isolation and everyone is so busy.
That first year, around 60 people came, despite it being a cold and rainy Sunday in June – and the Friends and Friends Friends Picnic was born.
I chose Regents Park because I live nearby but mainly because to me it is the nicest park in London and offers so many activities for my picnic attendees.
The following year over 100 people came with some relatives coming from as far away as Coventry, Birmingham, and Brighton.
That second year I started the tradition of African drumming and dancing and that theme has continued ever since with some years over 20 drummers in full flow!
The picnic grew every year – and in the last few years we have had over 400 people attending – and it’s getting bigger every year!
The picnic has now become a fixed highlight in many people’s social calendars and I now usually hold it end of July or early August. Experience has taught me that that is the most popular time for people and also when we are most likely to get reasonable weather.
One year it rained so heavily that we all had to shelter under the trees for almost an hour. Despite the wetness, over 50 hardy party animals stayed till dusk.
I now usually get 200 to 300 people attending every year – and in August 2015 we had our biggest picnic ever with over 400 people attending in the course of the day.
We now have even more fun activities such as laughter yoga sessions, Bollywood dancing, hula hooping, friendly football matches and the perennial favourite – African drumming.
A lot of new friendships have started as a result of the picnic – 3 years ago a good friend of mine landed a key job in television directly as a result of someone she met at the picnic who then recommended her to a job.
Best of all, a few months ago we had our first ever picnic baby! A couple of who first met at the picnic in July 2013 started dating soon after and recently became proud parents of baby Lyra.
2016 Picnic Details
Here is the Facebook event page for this year’s picnic:-
https://www.facebook.com/events/902697396543200/
It’s actually a very simple concept.
The idea is to get a lot of friends and their friends together. I invite all my friends and they invite all their friends and they invite their friends and so on……and before we know, there will be 100’s of friends, new and old, having a lot of fun.
Everyone is invited to bring their own food and drinks plus some extra to share. We will also be playing Frisbee, frisbee etc for fun, so bring those trainers and sports gear. And of course children are most welcome. If you haven’t got any, borrow some for the day 
