Michelle Gordon's Blog, page 22

Know Your Own Worth

I’ve had a very exhausting few weeks, where I have been working in a cafe, for minimum wage and maximum hours. I took the job because I had just arrived in Brighton, I needed to rent somewhere to live, and was keenly aware that my sporadic, writing/publishing income was not going to be coming in regularly enough to ensure things were paid on time. Though excited about my new adventure, I was in quite a blurry and emotionally low state, and so when minimum wage was offered, for whatever reason, I took it.

After giving my all (because that’s what I do, even for low wages) and becoming more and more involved in the business, I was taken aside by the boss to be told that as a recognition and reward for my hard work and dedication, he was giving me a pay rise, starting from the next month (so not for all the crazy hours I had already worked my ass off in) and I have to admit, when he told me how much my new per-hour wage was, I was insulted. And that’s when I realised (although subconsciously at that time) that he was never going to pay me what I was worth in that position.

Then I had dinner and a long beach walk and chat with my good friend, Liz Chukwu, who I ranted to for a while about work, and she made me realise consciously just how much value I was bringing to the cafe, and just how little he was realising it.

Then last week, one of the staff members, who had also put her all into the job, coming in at short notice on her days off, really working hard every day, was leaving to go on an amazing adventure in South America. She had been offered an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. At first, my boss spoke highly of her, and how we would miss her etc. But by the time her last day rolled around, he was more worried about her paying her lunch tab than anything else. And when he didn’t thank her or even say goodbye, that’s when I had my second realisation – he doesn’t actually give a s**t. This isn’t the first time I have experienced this in a workplace. I learnt this lesson at the age of 17, when I was a trainee manager for Domino’s Pizza. I worked double shifts, back to back, for 7 months. I was even writing personal letters for the boss because his English wasn’t the best, and all this on minimum wage – I wasn’t even on a higher wage than the rest of the staff, despite having much more responsibility. Then I went on holiday, realised that actually, there was more to life than stinking of pepperoni, and when I got back, I lasted a day before quitting. His reply – okay, bye. No ‘thank you’, no nothing.

It was at that point that I realised I needed to work for myself, because I never wanted to experience that again, and here I am, 13 years later, in the same position. When I realised I was going to leave, I made a point of addressing the many issues to the boss, and his attitude and refusal to listen really sealed the deal. I gave notice on Sunday, but when he continued to argue with me yesterday, trying to intimidate me, and make me feel powerless, I walked out and said I would not be back. Standing up to him, holding my own against him, made me realise that no one can ever intimidate me into thinking I have no choice, or that I should just do as I’m told. And for me, that’s quite a huge thing.

When it comes to authority figures, I find it difficult to stand up to them, even if I think they are not acting in the appropriate way or if they’re doing something wrong. But I have just proved to myself, that when I feel I am being treated unfairly, I will not be quiet, and I will not put up with it. This also coincides with the fact that I have, in the last year, become incredibly honest and as authentic as possible. Because I just don’t have time for messing around.

So if you have read this far, I want you to know that you are worth so much, you are so beautiful, and I want you to stand in your power and show others that you know how incredible you are. Accept those compliments, know that you inspire people, and continue to be amazing. When you love and value and respect yourself, you will find yourself in positions and surrounded by people who love, value and respect you too, and that is what I want for you.

I Won’t Give Up

There are times when I feel like giving up. When I don’t see the point in writing another book, because as an Indie Author, it costs me money to publish, and as yet, I can honestly say I have not made that money back, and I am certainly not making a living from it. I have also wanted to give up on life. I know that depression and suicide is a hot topic at the moment, in light of recent events, and I know that some people really get it, really understand why some souls wish to leave this planet, and there are others who don’t get it at all.

I get it.

I have been there. When all seems lost, pointless, and hopeless. I haven’t been there just once, but several times. Throughout my life. I have never sought any help for these feelings, and I have never been on medication. Instead, I have my own form of therapy.

I write.

I weave my feelings, my despair, my heartbreak, my loneliness and my anguish into my stories. My characters do things that  I wish I could, but can’t. Because when it comes right down to it, I know that I cannot leave yet. That I came here with a mission, and I have not completed it yet. Usually, when I have one of my moments of giving up writing, giving up publishing my books, I get a beautiful email, or message from a reader who tells me how much my words have helped them, and I am reminded of why I continue to do what I do.

Yesterday, I received an email that I know will prevent me from ever having one of these moments again. Because I plan on posting it on the wall as a daily reminder of why I write, and why I am here.

The email came from Janine, a beautiful lady I met last year who runs the Freedom Inside, Books for Prisoners program. I donated some copies of The Earth Angel Training Academy to the program, and when prisoners like the book, they write letters to Janine, and she passes them onto me. The one I received yesterday was from a prisoner who had decided he wanted to give up. That he’d had enough, and it was time to go. But he had a copy of my book in his room, which he said kept calling to him. And finally, he decided to delay his end in order to read it. I have posted some excerpts from his letter below.

 

To know that because of my words, one soul decided to stay on this planet, rather than leave, makes everything worth it. And I will be writing to him to let him know just how grateful I am, for his beautiful words too.

Listen to Your Gut – Not the Experts

I should be writing right now, but when the blog post inspiration faerie arrives, there’s absolutely no ignoring her!

Something suddenly struck me today, and I am going to try to explain it, in the hopes that if anyone out there has a similar experience, it may help.

In the last few months, I have had a couple of experiences with people who I have considered to be respected experts in their field, who are worth listening to, and taking their advice. They are very successful, have a lot of experience, and have based their businesses on helping others to achieve the same success.

Earlier in the year, I had the chance to attend an evening workshop with a lady whose book had inspired me years ago, but whom I had never met until then. I had a lot of respect for her because her story was so inspirational, and she was devoted to helping others to achieve their true potential.

I arrived at the event, I was having a good time, and was joined by a dear friend of mine for the evening. As part of the workshop, she was doing some short coaching sessions, and my friend was chosen to take part. When my friend said what her aspirations were, which included self-publishing her books, the lady’s response was – “Bulls**t. You will never make money doing that.”

When my friend tried to explain that self-publishing was quite different these days to how it used to be, the lady was not interested. She said that why anyone would want to self-publish was beyond her.

In that moment, my respect for her began to slip.

I could understand a traditionally published author having that point of view ten years ago, but the industry really has completely changed since then, surely, if she is advising people on their businesses, she would know that?

While chatting later, I spoke to her a little about how different the industry is, and she seemed surprised, but not particularly interested in learning more. And when it became apparent that I was not in the financial position to pay for one of her coaching packages, her response was – “Come back to us when you have the money.”

Wow. Bubble totally popped. In fact, the copy of her book that I had kept for so long, found its way into the car boot stuff a few weeks ago. And when it didn’t sell, it went to a charity shop.

I recently had another experience with someone who I thought wanted to help my business (my book writing and publishing) to flourish and grow, but it turned out that what she wanted was for me to create ‘products’ like video series’ and courses, to sell and make money with. It didn’t even really matter what the product was, as long as it sold. I felt uncomfortable with the concept, and I didn’t get the feeling that she liked me very much, which made me even less inclined to get more involved and put a lot of time and energy into her business. Later on, she even said several times that writing books was not the way forward, it takes too long. Videos are the only way forward. Unfortunately, I am a writer, and that’s not going to change.

When I finally admitted that I didn’t want to be a part of her business, her response confirmed my feelings – she really didn’t want the best for my business at all, and in her opinion, I wasn’t ‘ready’ to be a part of what she was creating.

It was after this experience, that I realised something. When around these successful experts, who are building their businesses around empowering people to follow their dreams – I feel completely disempowered. I feel like a small child who is below them. I’ve been thinking about the reasons for this, and I am fully ready to accept that it may well be my issue not theirs, but I wonder if I am the only one to feel this way?

I’ve been reading The 7 Graces of Marketing recently, and there was a story recounted in there about a coach trying to sell the author a course, that cost thousands of dollars, and when the author declined, the coach tried to make her feel like a failure for doing so.

After reading about the old paradigm of marketing in her book, I have come to realise that perhaps those who have been in business for a long time, are just accustomed to these old marketing tactics – as we, the general population, are conditioned to respond to these old marketing tactics. And when someone says – actually, this doesn’t feel right to me – their response is to make us feel like we will never succeed because we are not doing things their way.

But then it all comes down to your definition of success. If success is having lots of money – then I am a failure. If success is selling lots of products – then I am a failure. If success is being famous – then I am a failure.

On the other hand, if success is helping people to feel a little less lonely in the world – then I am a success. If success is encouraging people to listen to themselves, to really get to know themselves and then to dream big – then I am a success. If success is inspiring others to changes their lives because of your words or actions – then I am a success.

When it comes right down to it – success and failure are just words. It is our perception and attachments of feelings to the words that causes them to mean anything at all. All I know is, whether I succeed or fail, I want to be able to say – I was authentically myself, I followed my heart, I listened to my gut and I did my best.

Over 120 Downloads!

Michelle Gordon:

A blog tour update!

Originally posted on I'm Here Book Tour:

The I’m Here Book Tour was a complete experiment, a new way to market my latest book and have a bit of fun with it. So far, over 4000 cards have been distributed, by 20 dedicated fans, which has resulted in just over 120 downloads so far in nine countries and ten glowing 5* reviews. The tour was sponsored by 6 beautiful individuals and businesses, please do check out their websites by clicking on the logos on the right side of each page on this site. I have also seen an increase in the sales of my other books, and have had a few sign-ups to my mailing list (to get the bonus ending).

I have decided not to limit the time that the tour will run, and will keep the free download going indefinitely. If you are following this blog and haven’t got your copy yet, you can get…

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Why Twin Flames are Reuniting

For those who follow my blog, you will know that I very recently separated from my Twin Flame. I didn’t blog during our last couple of weeks together, because to be honest – I just didn’t know what to say. What can you say when you are in the process of leaving your Flame, your best friend, the person you love and trust most in the whole world?

A couple of people have asked why we separated. And it’s a fair question. Those who know us know just how close we are, how in tune we are with each other, how we can sense each other’s feelings instantly, and how we cannot be in the same room and not have physical contact. Even those who don’t know us personally may have got an understanding of our relationship from my novels, as our connection features in them, illustrating the depth of feeling for one another, and the devastation of the loss of each other.

We didn’t break up for any of the normal reasons. No one cheated, no one stopped loving, no one was abusive, no one lied or did anything wrong. And despite the fact that the relationship is over, and I now live several hours away, we still very much love each other and miss each other like crazy.

The truth is, we each have very strong personal missions. We each came to this earth to accomplish certain things, and even though having this incredible Twin Flame relationship has helped us both to grow and evolve and get started on our missions – in order to continue our missions, we must be apart. His mission is to create a peaceful sanctuary where he can assist people on a soul level, reconnecting them with their true self, and helping them to release the past. My mission is to write books that help Earth Angels to Awaken to their true purpose, and to then help others to Awaken. If I want to get my books out to a wider audience, then staying in the woods, in the beautiful sanctuary, is not the way to do it. I must go out into the world and get my books into people’s hands. I need to attend events, interact, and connect with others.

I felt compelled to listen to Rickie Byars Beckwith’s album - Let my Soul Surrender, on my journey to Brighton, and this song in particular summed it up perfectly:

I realise that we could have chosen to have a temporary break, as our break up last year ended up being only for six months, but I feel that if we just continued our relationship long-distance, we would be too distracted by each other to fully concentrate on our missions. Not that we have cut off contact, we do check in with each other, and have been helping each other through this time of adjusting to being on our own, but as time passes, I imagine we will adjust and contact will lessen.

Those who have met and perhaps also separated from their Flames will understand that it is still incredibly painful. No matter how many times we have parted in the past, it doesn’t get any easier. I have been too busy throwing myself into this new adventure that is Brighton to really allow it all to properly sink in, and I have no doubt that when I start to write my next book (which I am starting this weekend) that it will begin to really settle upon me that I will no longer be his, and that he will no longer be mine, and that from here onwards, we must move forwards in different directions.

I don’t know if it’s the same for other Flames, as all situations and people are unique, but I do think that Flames are reunited for the purpose of reigniting passion into our lives, for setting us on course to achieve what we decided to achieve before we got here, and then often we must then separate from our Flames to then accomplish all that we wish to. And like the infinity symbol, we will spend time apart, but then we will come into each other’s lives again.

I have no idea if our paths will cross again in the future, but I would like to think that they will. Perhaps once we have completed our missions we will be able to reunite once more. Or perhaps we have had our time together in this life, and will not reunite again until we are both on the other side. For now, I am just trusting that the universe has very good reasons for nudging us to make this decision to be apart.

One thing I do know for certain, is that no matter where we are, who we’re with, or what we are doing – we will always be connected, and we will always be Twin Flames, and we will always love and want the best for each other. And I am so very, very grateful for that.

 

 

A Magickal Adventure…

Hello! How utterly different life can become in such a short space of time. As I mentioned in my last blog post, it was time to begin a new chapter in my life, as my Twin Flame and I parted ways. I didn’t blog during our last couple of weeks together, as apart from being busy packing and seeing friends before I left, I was feeling quite raw emotionally, and didn’t know how to share that with you without losing it completely. Leaving last Tuesday was one of the hardest things I have done in my life so far, as I know anyone out there who has met their Flame will understand. It took a long time to finally let go, and to drive away. Despite having come back together again in the past, there was a feeling that it really would be the last time we would be together in that way, which made it harder still.

But I did leave, and I made my way to my nan’s house, near Bournemouth, where I stayed the night, then after stowing some of my belongings in her garage, I continued on to Brighton. Despite feeling tired and a bit weepy, I found my way, and managed to find a car park and the place where I had been offered somewhere to sleep for the night. That evening I was invited to dinner by my beautiful fan and now very good friend, Chip Jenkins. We ate and discussed our Flames, and had a very girly evening that went on into the early hours! I presented her with her prize for being such a fabulous distributor for the I’m Here Book Tour, which she was thrilled with.

On Thursday, I started my mission of finding some part-time work that will keep things flowing while I write my next book, and I fell in love with the tiny streets full of independent, funky shops. I met lots of people, including the awesome couple who own and run Chocaffinitea (if you are in the area, you need to visit them and try the reindeer tea!), Hannah, a lovely girl (definitely an incarnated elemental) who works in Lush, a tarot reader in RT Home, Sascha, the psychic lady in Bell, Book and Candle and many others! By the end of the day, I had got myself a work trial lined up, in a little cafe in the south laines. I had also found a possible room to rent, and lined up a viewing for later in the day.

Because I had a few hours before the viewing, I decided to visit Lewes, because there were possible jobs there too, as well as rooms to rent. I had a nice little wander around and had food in Bill’s restaurant. Though Lewes was very picturesque, it just didn’t have the same energy as Brighton, and I decided then that I would rather live in Brighton if it was possible. I viewed the room later in the evening, and after chatting to the landlord for so long, it was getting late so I ended up couchsurfing there!

The following day, I did my work trial, and upon the completion of it was offered a position, which I happily accepted, and because my new boss is such a sweet guy, he offered his currently empty driveway to me as a parking place for my car! Later in the afternoon, I found myself back in RT Home, (after celebrating my new job with reindeer tea first of course!) and chatted again to the tarot reader. While chatting about how I had a job, now I just needed a place to live, the lady who owns the shop, Joni, joined in the conversation to say that she had a room she was renting out that she hadn’t got round to advertising yet. So later on Friday evening, after a tasty dinner in the Harvester on the seafront, I went to Joni’s house to see the room.

Yet again, I was there for so long, that Joni very kindly offered I stay there for the night (having been unable to find a couchsurfing place for the weekend) and so after a crazy little journey to retrieve my car, park it on my new bosses driveway, then get the bus back here, I stayed in the room for the night.

By the morning, I told Joni that if she was happy to have me there, I’d love to rent it.

And the rest, as they say, is history!

So in two and a half days, I found a job, a room to rent, and a place to park my car. I was actually quite impressed! I seem to have much more energy here, and things are just flowing so well, I really couldn’t have predicted any of this. It seems that I really have been paddling upstream for the last few months, and now, as I go with the flow, it is all clicking into place.

The spiritual community and writing scene in Brighton seems to be pretty extensive, with events and meetings happening all the time. I plan on attending as many as possible, and really getting involved. In fact, later tonight I will be checking out a writing group, so I will let you know how that goes! Now that my computer is back in its rightful place on my desk, and I have settled in, I will get back to my regularly scheduled blogging!

Wishing you all a wonderful Wednesday! Until next time…

And The Winner is…

Michelle Gordon:

Congratulations everyone!

Originally posted on I'm Here Book Tour:

Now that the Visionary Collection has arrived in paperback, it is time to draw the winners! All of the beautiful, amazing people who have been busy distributing book tour cards and telling the world about I’m Here, have been entered into the prize draw. Without further ado, the winners are as follows!!

The 1st prize of the Visionary Collection in paperback goes to:

Chip Jenkins!

The 2nd prize of the Elphite bracelet goes to:

Tiffany Hawthorn!

The 3rd prize of the Elphite Diary goes to:

Liz Lockwood!

The 4th prize of a PAM’s Bar t-shirt goes to:

Richard Grey!

The 5th prize of a PAM’s Tearooms t-shirt goes to:

Rowenna Macormac!

And finally, the three beautiful angels go to:

Helen Gordon

Lori Lesko

Annette Ecuyere

Congratulations to everyone who has won a prize! I would like to say a huge thank you to all of the amazing souls who have…

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Interview with an Earth Angel

I was recently interviewed by the beautiful Sarah Vine, founder of the Earth Angel Sanctuary. Sarah and I met through an acquaintance on Facebook, and from our very first (three-hour) conversation, we have become very good friends. I have no doubt that we attended the Earth Angel Training Academy together! Sarah read the Earth Angel series, and fell in love with the books. I am a proud member of the Earth Angel Sanctuary, a wonderful site online where you can watch very useful videos and interviews to help you with your Earthly missions. As an extra bonus for being a member, you can also download a free copy of The Earth Angel Training Academy.

To watch the interview, just click on the video below. I will soon be interviewing Sarah, to find out more about how she started the Sanctuary and her mission here on Earth.

A New Chapter

Apologies for the lack of blogging recently, there have been many topics I could have written about, but my mind has not been in the right place. It seemed fitting, with the completion signified by the Supermoon tomorrow to write this post on ending one chapter and beginning a new one.

For a while now, things have been a little bit up and down, and last weekend it was time to make some big decisions and to move things forward. So, although it has not been easy, and I don’t doubt that there will be more rough patches ahead, my partner and I have decided to go our separate ways. Now, I could have stayed somewhere local, but I know that if we are within proximity of each other, we will end up back in the same cycle, so I have made the decision to move further away, to…

Brighton!

Why? Well, one of my lovely fans, Chip, lives there and reckons I will love it. I’ve never been there before, and it seems like a great place. That’s pretty much all the reasons I have. It’s also four hours away from here, which means that it will be as clean a break as possible.

This shift has been in the air around us for some time now, but I have been resisting it. And in my resistance, I have been stuck in many ways, and things haven’t been flowing. I decided it was time to go with this flow, and stop fighting it. Hopefully it will take me on new and magical paths, I guess I will have to wait and see.

No matter what happens, Jon and I will always have a special connection to one another, and the last four years will still be the most magical ones of my existence. It is thanks to our relationship that I was able to pursue my dream of writing and publishing books, and I am so very thankful for the time we have spent together.

I will post more updates soon, when I begin my new adventure…

Visionary Collection – Now in Paperback!

The Visionary Collection is now available from Amazon in paperback! Not only do they have beautiful new covers, but they have also had another edit, so there have been many minor changes, though the stories of course have remained the same. The Doorway to PAM also includes a bonus at the back – the mini non-fiction book I wrote – Choose Your Own Reality. It also features the recipe for the famous Cherry and Coconut cake mentioned in the story.

I’m so pleased that I’m Here is now available in paperback, it feels more real now! The I’m Here Book Tour is still continuing, and I have been getting more download notifications, you can keep up to date by checking out the News section on the website. Now I have released the paperbacks, I will be doing the distributor prize draw in the next week, so I will keep you posted!

There have been a great many changes taking place over the last week in my life, and I will write some blog posts about it soon, but I want to just say to all the Earth Angels out there who may be sensitive to these shifting energies – hang in there. I was lucky enough to have my very supportive Angel friends around me this week, helping me to see the light in what felt like absolute darkness, and without them, things would have seemed completely hopeless. So if you find yourself in the darkness, reach out to someone who can help you to turn on the light. Don’t stumble in the dark on your own.

And if there is no one close by, then send me a message. Let me help you find the light again. xx