Cheryl Rainfield's Blog, page 51

You are lovable. And you are loved.

You are lovable. Just be being here, by existing in this world, you are lovable. And you are loved.

Take that in for a minute. Sit with it. Believe it. Because it’s true. Even if you feel like no one around you loves you or appreciates you, there are people who do; sometimes we just can’t see it. Don’t forget your animal friends as well; they give us unconditional love.

If you were abused or had critical parents, if you’ve experienced bullying or homophobia or racism or hatred directed at you, it may be hard to believe or take in, but it’s important to, if you can. You are lovable, you deserve love and good treatment, and you are loved. I’m glad you’re here. And I hope you are, too.

So let this be my hug to you, even if we never meet in person. I wrap my arms around you tightly, and I say again: “You are loved.”

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Reach out to the people who love you.

Reach out to the people who love you. The people you love. They want to hear from you. Whether you’re in a good space or going through a hard time, your friends and others you love want to be there for you and with you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and let them know what’s going on. Think about it in reverse: do you want to hear when someone you love has something happy or something painful going on in their life? Of course you do! So, they do, too.

Keep reaching out to the people who care about you. It’s especially important when you’re going through a hard time. If you can, don’t let yourself get isolated. Keep those connections strong. Because human connection, those bonds we make, help us want to be alive and celebrate life.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Allow yourself to take in the good things people say about you–and know they are true.

Allow yourself to take in the good things people say about you–and know they are true.

If you’re a survivor of abuse or if you had critical parents, you may struggle with believing in the good in you, and you may dismiss compliments or positive things others say about you. I do. But when people say good things about you, they mean it, and it’s important to allow the good things in, to really appreciate all the good you do.

One thing that may help you with this is to repeat to yourself the good things other people have said to you. Or write them out (or ask the person to), and then read them over again.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You matter.

You matter. You really do. You might not see right now how many lives you touch–just by a kind word, a smile, listening to friend or loving someone, telling someone something they need to hear right at that moment–but you matter. Everything you do and say affects someone, and you have a place in this world.

I hope you can treat yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and love that you do your friends and other loved ones. Hope you realize that you matter, and it’s good you’re here.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You are beautiful–inside and out.

You are beautiful–inside and out. We are given so many messages by the media about how we should look, messages that are meant to make us insecure about our bodies so we will buy their products. Messages that focus on outer beauty and appearance. And sometimes family or well-meaning friends can add to our insecurities. But you are beautiful just as you are. I see it. I know it.

True beauty for me shines out in people’s eyes, through our souls, through the way we talk and act and interact with people. What makes me want to be around someone and spend time with them is their inner beauty. It’s whether they’re kind and compassionate, whether they are loving and thoughtful. Those are the kinds of things that make me want to spend time with someone and make me glad to see them. And I think inner beauty shows in our bodies–most especially in our eyes and faces. Who we are and how we are matters.

If you can stand back and look at yourself the way a friend or family member who dearly loves you see you, I think you will see that you ARE beautiful. Outside and in. If you struggle with that, try telling yourself you’re beautiful while looking yourself in the mirror. Write yourself a note and tell it to yourself over and over; the messages we tell ourselves matter and go in there. And believe me when I say: You are beautiful, inside and out.

If you’re having a hard time, remember: It *will* get better.

If you’re having a hard time, remember: it *will* get better. It usually doesn’t feel like it when you’re having a hard time, especially if you’re in crisis, or really triggered or scared or in deep pain, but you will move through it, and things will get lighter, easier, and better again. So if you’re having a rough time, try to find ways to keep breathing through it, and try to hold on to knowing that it WILL get better. You just have to get through the rough period.

It can help to use positive distraction–to read a good book, watch a movie, talk with a friend, go for a walk and notice the beauty around you. It can help to talk to a friend, loved one, or therapist and be heard. Hugs and safe touch can also help. So does getting out the emotion in safe ways–writing, drawing, dancing, screaming into a pillow, going for a run. It can help to read (and re-read) positive messages from people you care about, and to think about good times you’ve had. And remember that there are always crisis lines if you need them–through phone, email, and text, such as RAINN.

Sometimes you can change/lighten your mood and help you feel good again by using these techniques, and sometimes it may just help you through. I hope you use these, and any other safe ways that don’t hurt you.

Please keep yourself safe, treat yourself gently, and keep holding on to the belief that things will get better–because they will.

If you need to, please read my posts Reasons Not To Hurt Yourself</>, Reasons Not To Kill Yourself, or contact one of the crisis lines on this list (most respond to calls, text, and email.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Trust yourself. You know what you need.

Trust yourself. You know what you need. We’re given constant messages from the media about what we need and how we should be. But we are each individuals, influenced by our past experiences–and we are not all the same. I’m queer. You might not be. I need to write, to have a voice through my writing, and to reach others. Maybe you have a voice in a different way. I need to talk about traumatic or painful things with trusted friends and a therapist–but sometimes I need time to think about them first. I also need time for fun, play, and hugs. Maybe you’re different. I love time to myself to read. Maybe you don’t. I need time with friends, but I also need quiet time. Figure out what it is you need, and follow that. Listen inside, and your heart will tell you what you need–to be happy, to be safe, to take care of yourself.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a dear friend.

If you’re an abuse or trauma survivor like me, or you were bullied or had someone treat you badly, or you have low self-esteem, you may struggle with being kind to yourself. You may even hate yourself. But you don’t deserve your hate or ill treatment, ever. You DO deserve kindness and compassion. And you are the one who is with you every minute of every day. How you treat yourself impacts how you feel. So I hope you treat yourself kindly.

If you have a hard time being kind to yourself, try treating yourself the way you would a dear friend. Think of what you’d say to this friend you love if they were in the same situation, and talk that way to yourself.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

Take good, gentle care of yourself. You deserve your tenderness.

Take good, gentle care of yourself. You deserve your tenderness. It’s so easy to absorb negative messages from others–our parents, the media, people around us. So easy to work so hard we forget to find joy or take a moment to breathe. Or to forget sometimes that we might need some time alone, or time to read a book, look at the clouds, savor a special food and really enjoy it.

This is your life. You deserve to take gentle care of yourself, to treat yourself with kindness, tenderness, and compassion–the way you would a friend. I hope you’re gentle with yourself, and keep finding ways to take good care of you.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.

You are not alone. You will find others who understand.

Know this: You are not alone. No matter what it is you’ve been through, no matter what you feel or think–whether you’re queer, are a sexual abuse or trauma survivor, have used self-harm to cope, experienced sexism or racism or homophobia, been bullied, love your best friend and they don’t know it, struggled with fitting in or feeling loved–you are NOT alone. Other people have gone through the same thing.

I think when we feel alone in something, it makes our pain so much stronger, so I want you to know this: you are not alone, and other people really do get it. And if you don’t have people around you right now who feel or think the same way or who have been through similar things–hang in there. You will find them. Just keep looking. Keep your heart open. And don’t give up.

This can be a hard time of year for many people, so I thought I’d post more positive messages for people again–selfies along with the messages, so people can see the person (and author) behind the message. I think it helps make it more personal and real.

I will try to post photos most days of December for you all. Let me know if you like this idea.

And if you like this post, if it speaks to you, I hope you’ll share it with others.