Nancy Mramor-Kajuth's Blog, page 7

Women’s Health and Men’s Health Magazines’ De-stressing Tips with Dr. Nancy

When Men’s Health asked for vacation and relationship de-stressing tips, I offered these ideas that you can use right now!

Vacations work well when you are not too tightly scheduled or too unscheduled.
If you pick some activities, restaurants, and tours in advance and then leave time for serendipity or relaxation, you’ll have a less stressful trip.
And once you are there, ask the locals what are the best things to do; you may end up at a great local gelato shop instead of a tourist trap.

In the relationship arena, they asked about the stress of the spouse’ job and how it effects the marriage. When a woman (or a man) comes home from a job they dislike, they may often want to vent to their partner.  But is the daily venting good for the person or the marriage?

It’s important for the spouse to know that you support them, and according to a Harvard study, provide empathy.
Even if the complaints are not reality based, it is the empathy that matters.
Then move on to enjoying your evening.
In the long run, the best solution is to find work that suits the Real Conscious you, one that feels as if it serves your life purpose.

But there are often other relationship issues that are more likely to get in the way of couples’ happiness, and there are great solutions for committed couples.

Learn solutions to common relationship issues:

Problem: Stress in general leaves little time and energy for your relationship.

Solution: Manage stress through meditation, relaxation and having fun with your partner.
Problem: Life stages can present challenges to a relationship. Marrying too young before a career is established may result in wanting a different type of relationship later on. The American Psychological Association has noted that what used to be called mid-life crises is now considered a developmental stage, and is a critical decision making time for the second part of life.

Solution: Examine carefully how your partner can move forward with you.
Problem: Incompatibility is often a reflection that the choice to couple was a mistake in the first place.

Solution: If you are having this awareness, seek counseling to see if there is a way to turn the relationship around.
Problem: If other interests, work, hobbies or too much time with technology are taking up your time, the relationship can’t get the attention that it deserves.

Solution: Find things you can do together, share the things with your partner that you do when you are apart, and take time that is just for you, with no outside influences.
Problem: Communication about money, sex, parenting and chores are critical to a good relationship.

Solution: If these area present communication challenges, listen to your partner and ask them to listen to you. Then make some decisions together about how you will handle things.

See the entire article at  http://www.menshealth.com/24-ways-to-manage-stress-better

 

Women’s Health asked me if the ways that depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other disorders are portrayed in popular TV shows and movies are accurate.  If you watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Girls, You’re the Worst or Homeland, you may be asking yourself the same thing.

But positive mental health is no fictional affair!  To care for your mental health:

Exercise – there is research that one of the ways to balance the brain is through regular exercise.
Diet – Moods change based on how you process food, food allergies, excessive carbohydrates in the diet and many other factors. If you suspect that your mental health is effected by your diet, consult with a dietician or physician to learn more
Take on only what you can handle; that includes work, family and personal interests.  Having too much to do causes a stress response in the body that can become chronic, causing physical and mental stress.
Hydrate regularly throughout the day.  It keeps the mind active and prevents mental and physical fatigue and false hunger signs.
Talk to someone who can help if you have concerns about your mental health.

And remember, your mental health is a very personal subject, and it is not advisable to compare any symptoms you may be having to those of a proposed disorder of any fictional actor.

 

To see the extended article in the May issue of Women’s Health Magazine, go to pages 174-185. It is a very good piece on mental health from many different perspectives!

 

 

 

 

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Everything you ever wanted to know about Teens and Social Networking

Dr. Nancy’s information also appeared on WPXI February 19, 2016.

Click here for more information.

Some use social networking to connect and learn about each other. It’s intended to be a way for people to stay in touch easily and create greater connection.

Pew Study said FB is till most popular by a wide margin. Teens use it more than any other social network. Other popular networks include:

Twitter
G+ (Google Plus)
Instagram
Tumblr
Snapchat
Meetme

Why is social networking a problem for young people?

The teenage years are a sensitive time when kids are highly impressionable and in need of validation about their worth, especially from peers. They need to continually know:

How they are fitting in.
What their status is.
Need the validation but FEAR they won’t get it.
Kids equate their worth with likes and comments.

Competence and connection

Everyone wants to CONNECT

Your posts and the degree of disclosure are determined by Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem users share to gain acceptance (post to gain).
High Self-Esteem users want to be popular with inner circle (post to gain and maintain).
Both post for connection.

Greater competence results in less use

High levels of use are the issue – they are a red flag for possible addiction, low self-esteem and mental health issues

If a child feels COMPETENT or not determines how much they use SM for self-esteem validation.

Insecurity causes more use for approval seeking. The use can backfire and create more insecurity through:

Comparisons that you see as being above you.
Judging yourself against those with high social networking activity.
Pic or tag exclusions.
Less Extroversion with reduced esteem.

Side effects (positive and negative)
Positive:

Facebook, still the most used site (although there is a slight 2% decrease in use), meets many of same needs as face-to-face interactions.

Information
Friendship
Communication
Entertainment
Self-status seeking

Social networks complement real relationships. When we meet someone we quickly assess whether we want to continue the conversation through inferring his or her attributes. On facebook it’s the same; in life and on FB you can only have so many close friends.

Negative:

If you use it to compete or seek out self-esteem you are at risk

Each comment has a high potential to make an impact and the positive feelings that they get from the connection becomes addictive.
Teens feel alienated and lost when they don’t have their devices. The stability of self-image hinges on having the feedback.
To be able to get constant feedback on whether your comment was liked is addictive.
The Illusion of real life interactions can lead to addiction (similar to media addiction, illusionary relationships seem more real than real ones).

Need for Self-Esteem can create addiction (University of London)

High social network users include those with:

A need to belong for collective self-esteem.
Internet competence.
High level of sociability.
These factors in combination may lead to addiction.

Alcohol

Alcohol related content on line caused higher estimations of college drinking norms. It comes with a risk factor due to the need to fit in.

Depression

Depression is associated with the quality of social interactions not the quantity. Negative social interactions resulted in more depressive symptoms for those who ruminate, and spend a lot of time talking about their problems, can’t let their feelings go, or don’t have enough confidence to let it go.

Anxiety

ANXIETY occurs when you can’t check in and FOMO (feeling of missing something) occurs.

Feeling of missing out causes anxiety due to not knowing if peers are moving forward without them.
Or even worse, talking about them with negative gossip or mean remarks.
So they check COMPULSIVELY.
Are they getting likes?
Are friends doing things without them?

There is a RELATIONSHIP between how many times teens check their media and their STRESS LEVELS.

Especially if they are receiving unwanted sexually explicit mails and texts… and FEAR reporting it to an adult due to legal repercussions for the person sending.
And the resulting negative response from peers.
Used to be break-ups were private, but now sexts go out for revenge and humiliation. And once seen the pics can’t be undone. Usually sexts sent by exes.

Exaggerated Facebook identities (Penn State and Girl Scout study, Kate Fagan, ESPN)

74% of girl scouts admitted that they tried to make themselves look cooler online.

Measures of success appearance and accomplishment are typically used rather than inspiring people with your genuine self.

There’s more control over identity portrayed online than in real life

Identity is important in FB activity for attracting likes and friends.
Likelihood of realistic but exaggerated profile.

Impostors/False Identities

Lack of safety with other’s false profiles, targeting teens.
Hook-up occur on social networks like Tinder (age limit is 13), which is just for casual hooking up rather than relationships.
Kids may be on social networks you may not even know about, where teens are targeted.

Cyberbullying (Gettysburg University)

Cyberbullying occurs because of:

Anonymity.
A positive attitude toward cyberbullying.
Plus reinforcement through results and are predictors of more cyberbullying.
Anyone can be targeted.

Sleep (U of Cardiff in U.K. and a Study in Wales)

University of Cardiff study showed 20% of Kids “almost wake up” at night to check their social media, disrupting their sleep. Study in Wales showed one third of teens woke up at least once a week to send an electronic message.

Most teens need about 9.5 hrs. of sleep but are getting about 7.5.

More than half of teens said they go to school tired.

Heavy social media use and lack of sleep combined created mental health issues.

Multi-tasking

Studying while being distracted by social media results in lower test scores. Sustained attention gets better results.

Warning signs for parents

Changes in behavior, mood and sleep.
Keeping devices hidden or texting secretly.
Depression and anxiety.
Constant vigilance about possible negative feedback.
School avoidance.
Changes in friends associated with sadness.
Complaints of cyberbullying – take them seriously!

Solutions

Not supervising your kids’ social networks is like letting them play in the street unsupervised. The judgment center of the brain – prefrontal cortex – doesn’t fully develop until the mid 20’s.

Encourage quality interactions both on facebook and real life. (Stony Brook University) These are the ones that make the biggest positive difference in your child’s life.
Create an atmosphere of openness so that your kids don’t feel that you don’t trust them or that you are invading their privacy. They should use their devices openly.
Parent monitoring effectively erased the negative effects of online conflicts. Pay attention to what your kids are posting on computers, phones and ipads. Responsive parenting styles mediated negative social networking due to support and intervention. Kids don’t respond as well to punishment or stalking.
No devices in bedroom – prevents secret use and compulsive checking, as well as waking in the night.
Stop the barrage of perfect images by helping your child post one that lets your true self and personal light shine through.
Know what sites and apps your children are using, whom they’re talking to, and how they’re presenting themselves in their profiles and posts.
Talk to teens about sites, dating sites, networks in general and check to see if they are safe. There are new sites popping up all the time and you can’t police them all, so conversations about what is safe and what is not are critical.
Talk to them about the risks of getting swept up in peer pressure and not understanding the effects it will have on their ability to get a job or get into a school, or even damage their reputation.
Talk about imposters online.
Know what sites they go to and friend them on social networks so you can see what they post.
Get passwords so they can’t block you.
Decrease social media time so there is less use.
Encourage other ways to gain esteem, through active live participation in groups, sports, activities and interests.
If there have been violations of a significant nature, get software to monitor all activity in your home. Get a monitoring system such as Skydog so you can set parental controls and view what every member of a household is doing.

CONCLUSION Trust your kids unless you have a reason not to, and begin to monitor if their behaviors begin to look suspicious, as though they are hiding something.Help them to rely on the inner resources, give parental support and keep social media as a supplemental activity.

Note: Young people in high school, college and college grads in their 20’s who are savvy tell me that they don’t even like the superficial nature of social media and the pressure to respond to texts so they don’t spend much time with it! They would rather take significant trips, study philosophy or spend time with close friends.

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Are you disappointed you didn’t win the lottery?

It may be for the best. The plans you made for spending the money are behind you now, and you can focus on what really makes you happy. So you didn’t get the new car? Maybe you can go see someone who makes you really happy in the one you have! Or maybe you didn’t get to pay for your kids new house, but maybe you can help them find the one they can afford. There are so many ways to be happy and you can claim them for yourself. Find out interesting ways to reframe your lottery loss.

 

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Watching TV and The Internet? 3 Ways to Make It an Exercise in Real Conscious Living!

Written for New Age Journal

Nancy Mramor Kajuth, Ph.D.

Are you an avid TV, movie or Internet fan, who wants a more conscious life, but finds yourself surrounded in media and entertainment, text messages, and the Internet? Or are you a moderate user of media who just enjoys your screen time? Either way, you can use the time you spend with your devices and screens as time to practice conscious living, instead of seeing it as time away from your conscious life!

Learn More

 

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Are your romances as romantic as the ones on the screen? Jamaica Observer asked me the same thing!

WE’RE taught that the ideal romance story involves butterflies at first glance, then being wooed by the perfect guy or girl, won over, and then living happily ever after. But Dr Nancy Mramor Kajuth, health and media psychologist and award-winning author of Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, has found that romantic comedies and movies are unconsciously influencing our expectations for relationships and oftentimes result in couples giving up control on what they really want in the relationship.

Dr Kajuth, who resides in Pittsburgh and has worked in media for over 25 years, told All Woman that romance movies give a false impression of love, and while she doesn’t have a problem with people watching them, she said it is paramount that they are able to separate themselves from the myths that are perpetuated in the media regarding love and relationships.

Click here to read full the article

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Ten Strategies for Mindful Media for Mindful Word. What is your favorite one?

The time you spend on your digital devices watching TV and movies or browsing the Internet can really enrich your life—or not! You can become hypnotized by media and take on beliefs that aren’t true to your goals if you aren’t viewing consciously.

Media is a powerful resource for information, entertainment and education. TV shows, movies, magazines, and the Internet bring the sounds of the great composers, fitness routines and directions for do-it-yourself projects, not to mention suspense, comedy and action, right to your home. And they’re doing a great job! But if you aren’t paying attention, the media may subliminally plant some ideas in your mind that won’t serve you well. Like someone in a hypnotic trance, you may begin to live by these beliefs without realizing that you even have them.

Click here to read full the article

 

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What You Should Never Post on Facebook: 5 Tips for Online Etiquette Dos and Don’ts

Superstar Adele guards her personal life, with her longtime love, Simon and their son, and doesn’t share details of their lives with the public. What about you? Has anyone ever shared details of photos of you that you did not want the world to see?

And what about your own children? Does you son or daughter really think the video of them falling off of a skateboard is funny? Do your friends appreciate that you posted an embarrassing photo of them?

After working as a media and health psychologist for over 25 years, I have witnessed the effects of all types of media on people, and I can tell you that unless you have some conscious viewing skills, it is likely that you are experiencing some unpleasant side effects from too much, or the wrong kind of media exposure

There are lots of reasons to post online and there are several reasons not to post. First, let’s look at the upside of social media.

5 Dos of Social Media

You can find shopping sites, recipes, photos of friends, career updates, vacation destination shots, and just generally find out what your friends are up to, and respond to posts to stay in touch.
Your own updates can keep people aware of what you are doing, without having to contact everyone individually
Take time to think about what you want to say, without responding too quickly, and advantage that avoids communication blunders.
You will meet and “friend” people you might never have in the past, so you can branch out and invite friends of friends, or people with similar interests.
Your experience is only limited by your imagination. Search new sites and take the opportunity to learn more about the things you love, and share them with others.

5 Don’ts of Social Media

Your children will not thank you years later because you posted photos of them in less than flattering situations. Respect your kids’ privacy rights.
Not all of your friends want you to post about events you attended together, so ask before posting. There may be conflicts of interest in their personal lives that prevent them from sharing.
Never post anything you would not want a potential employer to see. Social networks are ways that employers can learn things about you that aren’t on your resume.
Some subjects aren’t appropriate for social media. Inflammatory remarks designed to stir up negative emotions and cause rifts don’t belong. If someone is hassling you, block his or her posts. It sends a message to people who have personal issues that they want to work out online, instead of dealing with them in a healthy way.
If in doubt, don’t post. If you are unsure how something may be perceived, don’t make it public. And if you regret a post, remove it. Better to err on the side of good boundaries than to post something you may be sorry for later!

Nancy Mramor Kajuth, Ph.D. is a health and media psychologist, and author of the award-winning book, Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, about the positive and not so positive effects of the media.

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Do you mourn the loss of a retiring athlete?

The relationship you have with a famous athlete is complicated. You invite them into your living room so often that you feel like you know them! And you miss them when they are gone; that is because of something called parasitical relationships. Learn more at Refinery29,

The same thing applies to TV characters, but the relationship is a little different. You can learn more at: http://drnancyonline.com/rxtv-what-happens-when-your-favorite-character-dies-on-tv/.

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RxTV: What happens when your favorite character dies on TV?

Whether it is a soap opera, Game of Thrones or a comedy, sometimes TV characters that you adore get killed or die of natural causes. And sometimes, depending upon how attached you are to the character, you may feel some sadness or even denial. “But he can’t really be dead, you say,” and “She may have fallen off of a cliff but we didn’t see her die so maybe she is still alive,” are common things that I hear. And you know that often, a character will die for a while and then come back, if the actor has to make a movie and will be gone for a couple of years, or is pursuing other options. So the tendency to wish them back isn’t unrealistic, but can be a symptom of denial, the first stage of grieving. I was interviewed recently about this very topic, and the reporter wanted to know, ” What does it mean when you can’t admit that your favorite character is dead?” Click here to read more.

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Learn To Manage Media and Create the Life You Are Meant to Live

Article was from Western PA Guide to Good Health.

In 2015, we exist in a sea of media. Daily, from dawn to dark, the media is available, primarily through technology in our homes, cars, workplaces and schools. There seems to be no escape from the constant messages that seek to entertain, inform and persuade us. They come to us in a wide variety of ways – from newspapers and magazines to TV shows, radio and the Internet. Although we invite the media in, it often feels overwhelming, and can impact health and well-being. Studies have shown that constant media intake may have consequences to one’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

But there is an outlet, and more importantly, a way to effectively take charge of your relationship with the media and make it a healthy one, says popular, nationally renowned psychologist and media expert Nancy Mramor Kajuth, Ph.D. “So much media availability puts a lot of pressure on individuals. There is a feeling of needing to keep up with the latest thing on Facebook or Twitter. Many of us feel a need to be a part of everything that comes our way – sign this petition, join that group, share this video – and it can make you feel anxious. Or, the media can have an almost hypnotic effect; Internet addiction happens when you become glued to your phone or computer, afraid to miss anything.”

What you actually might be missing, Dr. Mramor Kajuth warns, is your own life. It’s more than a matter of spending time watching cat videos – TV, movies and the Internet can change a person’s beliefs and their efforts to meet their personal goals. In essence, the unconscious viewing can change your genuine goals to ones you absorb from media intake. “The media is certainly not a bad thing; it’s wonderful and can do so much for you,” she explains. “You need to be learning, laughing, connecting with others and having adventures, and the media can help you do all of that. But, without even realizing it, you are picking up beliefs from the media. You pick up beliefs which blur your personal beliefs and goals and convince you that something is desirable when it’s not authentic for you.”

Dr. Mramor Kajuth noted in her therapy practice that many of her patients were experiencing frustration and unhappiness in trying to meet goals. “Many people were extremely critical of themselves and their partners. They had unrealistic expectations. I became aware that the source of much of this unhappiness was the messages they were absorbing from viewing media. They were taking on unhealthy beliefs about themselves and their lives that did not mesh with their goals. Their beliefs had been subliminally picked up from TV viewing and they were unaware of this.”

Dr. Mramor Kajuth feels so strongly about the need for people to become conscious of this phenomenon that she has written a book on the subject: “Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life” offers solutions that are educational, fun and effective. Dr. Mramor Kajuth writes about the ways the media shape us and offers strategies to consciously use this to one’s advantage. “We can learn to direct this influence. I help people develop what I call Conscious Living skills – skills that empower you to view the media in ways that support your best interests. Each of you can manage your reactions to the media for yourselves. You have choices. The book gives the reader tools for viewing that actually become tools for living, which then become habits for success. It makes you aware of how the media shapes your thinking while entertaining you, and how you can use the same tools to succeed in life.”

Conscious living, according to Dr. Mramor Kajuth, means being fully awake, aware and in the moment: “It’s a vibrant way of life, true to you, and not based on the influence of the media, family, peers or other influences or the illusions they foster. Many people, especially those who struggle with relationships and body image, are heavily affected by what they see in the media. What TV presents is not real life – if most of us said or did the things the characters say or do on TV, we would create problems. The character’s appearance and lifestyle imposes unrealistic goals which we absorb. We then feel frustrated when we try to create them unconsciously. If you watch TV consciously, you won’t be influenced by it.”

“Reel Life” is the culmination of Dr. Mramor Kajuth’s appreciation of the media and decades of experience as a private practice psychologist, pop culture expert and highly sought media consultant. The book teaches the reader to use Conscious Living skills in order to take in what she needs to support authentic, personal goals that will lead to “real” life – the one each of us is meant to live.

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