Nancy Mramor-Kajuth's Blog, page 2

THE CHANGE IS COMING, FROM ME TO WE

As I watched the opening of the Olympics recently, I could feel the high-level, vibrating message of inclusivity, unity, and harmony among everyone in the world exploding at the event. It was touching, funny, important, elevated, clever and most of all global. Every nation, each person, all colors, and races were acknowledged. The Olympics has the power to do that, and so do we. 

When I published my blog on the environment in Real Conscious Living in 2019, I pondered what would bring us all together to “save the world.” What I knew for sure is that it would take a village. Then yesterday, I saw a photo from Australia showing the heavy rains and flooding that took away many people’s homes and livelihoods. The image showed thousands of spiders building webs together so that they could stay above water and survive as a group. There were so many spiders, all helping one another, building community webs and threads of connection for a joint purpose. They had abandoned their own webs in crisis so that the group could survive, and they would all benefit from their unity. The impact was so great that the silky webs appeared to be like layers of pristine snow hovering just about the flooded ground.

Australia’s environmental event, attributed to global warming, activated the spider community. Their sharing of resources reminded me of the common elements that unite us. Beyond our own humanity, the air, the earth, and the water are the things we all have in common, regardless of any individual differences. They provide the things that every individual requires for life, regardless of race, profession, location or beliefs. These earth elements and are foundations for everything that happens next. They sustain all of our villages and in doing so, ourselves as individuals.

I can feel the next activation of my purpose and dreams bubbling up in me right now! And it is global. It’s time to stay attuned. What’s your global mission; what happens next for you and your village? 

I used to think that what makes us happy was universal and timeless. Then 2020 happened. The challenges of job loss, wage loss, lack of social contact and seclusion got in the way of the things that brought us happiness. And some paths to happiness changed while others stayed the same. In either case, I would like to offer you some ideas to help you have the happiest experience possible while taking care of yourself and others.

As you have time to think about these ideas, many more may come to mind. Someone may tell you about other happiness resources or you may receive more newsletters like this one in your mailboxes. We are all inventing the wheel and you can be a part of it! Send me other creative ideas or ways you have resourcefully managed the changes in your life during the past year and a half. https://drnancyonline.com/contact/ Be sure to read till the end; the last part of the newsletter has suggestions to help you use all the ways to wellness and a special resource! 

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Fear of success; fear of failure Simone Biles quit the Olympics out of pressure to be the best gymnast in the world

Simone Biles had previously become the greatest gymnast in the world, and with that title comes a lot of pressure.  She is experiencing a common fear that many successful people feel.  Now that they’re the best, how do they stay there and what do they do when they are no longer the best? Simone Biles admitted that the pressure to stay on top was too much for her and she withdrew from a situation that was too stress provoking to allow her to succeed.

This is defined as a fear of success and/or failure.  The mind begins to ask, “Once I succeed, will I feel like a failure if I can’t maintain my goal?”  Whether your goal is a promotion, weight loss, athletic competition or any other worthy aspiration, the fear of success often drives you to sabotage yourself because staying at your goal seems like a lot of work. The sabotage can take many forms and it is a natural part of the human consciousness

The saboteur can be insidious. It may or may not consciously tell you not to reach for your goal out of fear.  But you may be picturing the weight loss and the eating changes that it will require which generates fear of change in the nervous system. Check yourself when you think of your fear of failure or success to see what picture it generates in your mind.  This image is often the driver that decides whether you approach or avoid your goal.

If your mental picture of accomplishment generates a happy feeling, then you are likely to approach it.  But if that image has a competing image of the result of failure, then these two images are competing.  Which image wins depends upon a number of factors and they involve how well you have met and mastered your inner saboteur.

Listen to what the saboteur is telling you.  If you try to suppress it, you will push it into the subconscious where it will run your life; it will constantly be talking to you but you won’t even realize it is running the show.  When you listen to what it has to say, you can kindly allay the fears the saboteur feels and if necessary “feel the fear and do it anyway.”  Decide which part of you you want to be running your life. Is there another part of you that is more powerful than the saboteur? Perhaps your empowered self?

Getting to know yourself, strengths and weaknesses is key to any success.  The more you know who you are, the better you will be able to set boundaries with yourself and activate you inner empowered self.  It doesn’t have to fight the saboteur, just smile at its worried self, assure it that you are in charge and go for it!

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WHY DO WE BECOME SO ATTACHED TO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS?

More information about this topic can be found in the full interview with HealthDay or U.S. News at the following links: HealthDay,  U.S. News & World Report

Do you become too attached to onscreen characters? You may be especially attached if you can’t wait to see what happens to your favorite character next, are set up to receive spoiler alerts, mourn when they leave the show or worse, get killed off or when you are binge watching your favorites.  But why do you get so attached and how can you regulate your attachments so that you can keep them but keep them healthy?

I have been asked these questions many times and recently by HealthDay and U.S. News and World Report. The truth is that you invite them into your living room over a long period of time and they become like family!  You talk about them as though they are real and find yourself saying things like,” Rona is about to find out who is the mystery man who has been following her,” or “Ruby is finally getting engaged to Stanford after he has been waffling for months. I hope it lasts!”

But the truth is that you often identify with a character who is like you or one you want to emulate and want to see what happens to them.  And it can affect how you think about yourself! In a study at the Ohio State University, doctoral student and researcher Timothy Broom reports that people do internalize the characters’ experiences, as if they had the experiences themselves. They use the same neural mechanism that you use to access information about yourself. But are some more likely to access the information than others?

Broom identified certain participants in the study who were better able to identify with fictional characters due to activity in what is called the vMPFC region of the brain. The study used the popular show “Game of Thrones” when looking at characters that viewers most admired or to whom they felt closest.

“They’re really internalizing the experiences of those characters, because they are experiencing the story from that perspective. They really internalize that and incorporate that character into their self-concept,” says Broom

These results show the power fiction has over people’s attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. It’s is a premise that I speak about a great deal in “Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life.” I caution viewers to view mindfully so that they are aware of their biological and emotional responses to anything or any hero they view, whether it is in the news or a crime show.

You can learn to know when to engage and when to step back and watch from a distance, especially if your favorite character is on an emotional roller coaster and is taking you with them. Decide what and who you want to influence you and make choices. Fiction is not a good premise for planning your real life. Even compelling dramas are not healthy if the content is too disturbing. And you have to make viewing decisions for yourself.

Meanwhile, enjoy the funny, touching and “real feeling” responses you have to shows. As long as you remember it’s not real, you can entertain yourself, obtain different perspectives and points of view and just sit back and view consciously. 

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Finding Stillness to Listen to Your Spirit and Purpose

Can you hear your still small voice within that always knows what is best for you an guides you through a multitude of storms? The mind is so busy with mental chatter that it is sometimes hard to hear your inner voice or feel the gut-feelings that tell you when you are about to make a mistake, when something is good for you, or even when someone is thinking of you.

So why is this voice so important? It tells you the truth about you and what is best for you. And it leads you on a path that is true to your authentic self and life purpose. So how can you get there on a daily basis? Some methods include meditation and hypnosis and others include activities that cause flow, yoga exercise, and doing things that you love that bring you closer to your real self.

Meditation and finding stillness has many forms, such as being in nature, using a word or phrase repeatedly while breathing deeply to quiet your mind, or praying and listening for answers. All are great ways to get started or enhance your daily health practice and enrich your capacity to tune into your inner wisdom.

Hypnosis talks to your subconscious mind and reminds it how resourceful and creative you are at solving problems, reaching goals and being you in a full way. You can use self-hypnosis to create the life you want, because it is empowering to, helps you break old habits and opens doorways in the mind that are can assist you in accomplishing your desires. You don’t even know how remarkable your mind can be until you wake it up! You can also use hypnosis to heal the past and create the future.

You can get started on your own, with a teacher, therapist or coach or with CDs books and DVDs. I have recommended these to many people who have them to be highly effective and life-changing.

Spiritual Fitness, an award-winning book to lead you on a personal and spiritual journey into stillness and purpose.
Click here for more information.

Hypnosis for Healing, produced by Dr. Nancy Mramor and other gifted producers and contributors, will change the way you think about your health. Take the first step to mind-body healing with Hypnosis for Healing.
Click here for more information.

Meditation and Relaxation for Adults and Children is the perfect beginners meditation and relaxation CD for adults.   If you have children, there are also two exercises for them to begin their stress management practice. The children’s methods can be used for performance or test anxiety, daily stress and problem solving.
Click here for more information.

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Spiritual Fitness for You

Comcast Total Media

Spring is the time when so many of us take the time to consider ways to get fit. We pull out the old methods that worked in the past and try them out again. Often relying on past successes is a good way to get things going in life. If you have a formula for success, you are likely to apply it again with great results.

What happens when the past methods aren’t working any more? Or what if they are doing OK, but aren’t giving you the enthusiasm that you’ve had for them in the past? Perhaps a little change in the program will make the biggest difference. This brings us to the topic of Spiritual Fitness. How might Spiritual Fitness improve your level of physical fitness?

First, consider the fact that when the body is less stressed, stress hormones that cause weight gain are reduced. One of the best ways to reduce weight producing stress hormones is with 20-30 minutes a day of relaxation.

Taking 20-30 minutes for deep relaxation and/or meditation will give you this break. In addition, the period of relaxation will repair and undo the damage done to your whole body during the day. If you do the relaxation period each day, you protect your body from the cumulative effects of stress. Over time this computes to freedom from disease.

Another way to become more spiritually fit is to take time for prayer. However you say the prayer, whether you make it up or say a formal prayer, take some to pray for yourself and others. Research done at Harvard Medical School and Duke University have proven that prayer works. Recent studies that have refuted the Harvard studies will be interesting to follow. For now, the body of research that proves the effectiveness of the prayer is substantial and worth following.

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WHAT IS THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT AND HOW DOES IT WORK?

Create a life of permanent purpose

When you are setting your priorities for the day, you typically list the most important things first. But what if the most important thing was the smallest action that you take today? One thing sets your intention for the day and creates a ripple effect that impacts you and the world indefinitely?  If you have ever dropped a stone in a pool of water, you have seen the ripple effect, the circles of water that surround the place where the stone landed. They go on and on just from one action.

With the butterfly effect, the original idea involved the weather. Meteorologists have a difficult time accurately predicting the weather because the smallest thing can change it. Anything can affect the outcome.  The idea that a butterfly flapping its wings could cause a disruption in air flow that could change the world’s weather creates a picture of how our actions cause transformation in the world. A small thing that you do can change the lives of so many people through this effect.  You may not know the positive ripple effect that one small action could make, but be assured that it will. Every action that we take affects our life and everyone else’s forever.

There was once a fine elder physician who was having a difficult time, and was considering changing professions.  In his little home based office in the woods, he brought patients in through a wood-log door, and into his comfortable cabin-style office. Piano music played gently in the background while copies of his latest books on self-care set on a side table. The table was full, holding aromatherapy diffusers that smelled of combinations of healing oils that he mixed with his own patients ailments in mind. He often worked with patients much longer than usual, made himself available to them after hours and cared deeply about each one’s condition. They would come and go through his cabin door, and then go away, and day after day a new roster of patients repeated the same routine.

But the patients rarely contacted him when they were feeling better, when their illnesses has subsided or when they were able to live healthy lives again. They never gave gratitude for his extensive efforts or his tips on nutrition, diet and exercise that accompanied the traditional medical cures. He experienced only their pain and discomfort.

Until one day, a young female patient with bright red hair and a crooked smile woke up feeling so much better than the day before. Her inflamed sprained wrist was more usable and she was able to lift her new baby boy for more than just a minute before setting him back down.

This made the baby feel more nurtured and he cried less, giving his mother time to take a nap to further restore her wrist.  Before long she realized the source of her baby’s relief – in was due to the efforts of her doctor, freely given to her, that became a part of her baby’s world without even meeting him. The ripple effect was in action.  But it wasn’t over yet; the ripple had another direction to take.

She wrote a letter to her doctor on monogrammed blue parchment paper with blue ink and texted a picture of herself holding her baby up in the air while he smiled and laughed. She said, “Because of you, I am well, my baby is happy and I can be his mother again.” The encouragement came at a time when the doctor was at his lowest point. Yet, finding out that he had made a difference uplifted his mood and demeanor and it carried over to his patients. They noticed a change in him and asked what was different. He just smiled and told them that it was a smiling baby boy that had made him happy. And his contagious smile and newfound ability to encourage his patients affected every one of their lives.

Starting the day off in a way that creates a state of gratitude creates a high level of energy that brings you more of what you are grateful for by initiating the Butterfly Effect http://www.kiwireport.com/what-is-the-butterfly-effect/  Appreciate someone today.

Join us in sending One Email, text, phone call, message or small gift that makes their day. You may or may not know what difference it makes, but it will set your day up for success and happiness. And let us know how it goes at http://drnancyonline.com/wpbhdcontact/.  It might just make all the difference in our day!

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AWARDS, HONORS, BELLS, AND WHISTLES: DO YOU NEED THEM?

After publishing my first book, I won the same award for that book, Spiritual Fitness as the Dalai Lama won in a different category, I was so shocked that I could have dropped the award! I was so deeply touched and in disbelief.  Then I thought of the usual protocol that I see on so many social media posts: “humbled and honored.”  Was I humbled and honored?  I was certainly humbled, because of the notable connection. And what I really felt was surprised, deliriously happy and grateful.

There are a lot of awards and recognitions available to those who would seek them. And they do lend credibility to your work.  But there are important questions to ask yourself before you journey down the path of recognition. So, prior to putting yourself out there check out the possible outcomes so that you can make it a winning adventure no matter how the story ends.

Why do you want this particular award? If you want it to feel better about yourself or your work, and you don’t receive it you’ll feel even worse than you did before. And if the person who wins it is deemed less qualified than you there may be resentment or other negative emotions. When you pile resentment on top of disappointment, it makes the whole process an empty pursuit in which your end up feeling worse about yourself instead of better. But if you want the award to add a feather to an already feathered cap or one that is just beginning, then it may be worth it to go for it, knowing that you can accept whatever outcome you achieve.

“What purpose will it serve?” comes next in line. If the purpose is to gain exposure for an inspiring or supportive idea that can assist others, then whether you win or lose, you will have achieved your goal. It’s out there in a big way you may reap unexpected benefits just by entering a competition.  Yet again, if the purpose is to feel better about yourself, then you are setting yourself up for potential failure.   

Instead ask yourself the question “Will it make the world a better place?” or more simply, “Will it inspire, make life easier or more fun, open minds or instruct in some way?” It’s rewarding that magazines such as Inspiring Lives put emphasis on the idea and the topic along with the author whose name appears in smaller font. And if you are writing to enhance the lives of readers, then you are in the right place.

As a health and media psychologist, when I think of this question, I think of competitions such as American Idol, America’s Got Talent and Dancing with the Stars in which contestants enrich the lives of viewers with their gifts during memorable exceptional displays of unique performance art. And so yes, this is an exemplary use of a competition. And of course, you win exposure if not the final prize.  Remember that the winners were not always the ones who got the most publicity!

When you notice of the work of Bob Ross, the painting instructor from PBS who has become a cult hero, what do you think of first?  His big trademark hairstyle? The simplicity of his work that allows those will little to no painting ability to create something that is acceptable if not exceptional?  Whatever you associate with him, the fact is that when you watch Bob or work along with him to create something you never thought possible, you feel better about yourself in a genuine way that lasts. 

Spreading joy and uplifting feelings can be award enough and the best reason to put your work out there without expectation.  If Bob was aware of the attention he is getting, he might be rewarded by his post-humous fame.  And the bells and whistles of mugs, aprons and other souvenirs carrying his photo will assure that his legacy lives on. In the words of Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

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Why are Hallmark Christmas movies so popular?

Join Dr. Nancy with reporter Nikki Battiste on CBS This Morning
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/hallmark-channel-lgbtq-christmas-movie/

Hallmark must be doing something right; millions of people watch their Holiday movies and say that it is part of their holiday tradition.  But why? It’s partly because the brain likes things that are familiar! The plot of the hero/heroine, who meet, experience some tension before getting together, have helpful friends and finally have a happy ending after the final conflict is a story as old as time.  And it’s good storytelling!!  Remember the Wizard of Oz, the Star Wars movies, and many romantic comedies, like When Harry Met Sally, Moonstruck, and Sleepless in Seattle?  We love the story and we especially love the happy ending. And the brain feels safe and secure, and especially familiar when all ends well. It’s what is called in mythology, The Hero’s Journey.

If you are feeling well, it magnifies your feelings, but if you are feeling down, it uplifts you.  And as you see familiar actors in different movies, you feel that they are like family, since they are so often in your living room! Some of the actors are even actors you saw as a child or teen, so they are especially comfortable to see again. Even the props and settings feel familiar as all the films are taped in the same studio.

The shows are easy on the nervous system. The highs and lows aren’t steep as they are with many crime and Sci-Fi shows. You have just enough tension to keep you interested, but not overly involved.  In Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, I talk about how important it is not to get overly involved and to step back and view consciously when watching high tension programs.  GET REEL: PRODUCE YOUR OWN LIFE promotes real conscious viewing, becoming the observer and sitting back from what you are watching to see how it makes you feel and whether that it good for you.  But there’s little danger of that with Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies! The Movies stimulate feeling of being PEACEFUL AND CALM. Network executives promise warmth, positivity, meaningful connections, family gatherings and traditions as a cure for a tough year.  And that’s good for you!

And the networks are dedicated to shifting to more diverse themes. Michelle Vicary, Executive V.P of Programming for Crown Media, the parent company of Hallmark, says they will be even more welcoming in 2020 with stories of diversity. There is a story of a gay couple looking to adopt and another Jewish themed show. Hallmark cards have been diverse for a long time with gender, race and religion.

Lifetime has a line of diverse shows in their “It’s A Wonderful Lifetime “group or programs. This year they are planning a big LGBTQ+ splash with THE CHRISTMAS HOUSE, and an Asian themed show.

The Wall Street Journal even mentions Hallmark movies as a way to stay calm, along with calming apps and a new HBOMax program called the World of Calm – that that includes beautiful sounds, images and movement – which addresses all of the senses.  So, there are many ways to be calm and peaceful this season.  And the Hallmark channel has a winning formula.

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How to Detox After The Election: 7 Ways to Recharge

Originally for THE WASHINGTON POST, November 2020

WHY DETOX AFTER THE ELECTION? It has been a long, close election, and for many a stressful one. And it takes a toll on your body and mind after a while. The longer the stress, the worse for the immune system and all of the body’s organs due to the fact that the nervous system has been fired-up and on high gear, keeping you in a hypervigilant stress response. But there are some steps you can take to move ahead in ways that are healthier for your mind, body and spirit.

1 CELEBRATE OR COMMISERATE – have your feelings, talk about your feelings or journal them to get them out. Talk with others about ways to move forward and express how you feel. DO SELF-CARE to release all the long standing tension.  Or depending upon your preference, CELEBRATE in a way that lends itself to SELF-CARE.

2 MEND RELATIONSHIPS – without gloating or carrying a negative intention, be sure that you mend any relationships that may have been stressed or damaged by political arguments and differences.  The relationship is more important than politics. Focus on what brings you together and put any disagreements behind you. 

3 STRESS MANAGEMENT Whether your candidate won or lost you have been under stress for a prolonged time. Become mindful and live consciously with focus on what is in front of you. In my book Get Reel Produce Your Own Life, I explain a lot of ways to distance yourself from media and focus on what matters most to you in your life. whatever relaxes you, a hot bath, mindfulness, being in the present in what is happening in your life right now, meditation, relaxation apps, doing something that is as different from the election concerns as possible. Get centered in spiritual life and get back to your values.

4 REDIRECT YOUR ENERGIES toward your career, pursuits that make you happy, family, hobbies or online learning. Clean out your office or home. When you watch TV or go on the Internet, watch anything BUT election news. Watch what feels good, offers comfort and deepens your happiness and sense of relaxation such as holiday movies and comedies. Join Dr. Nancy on CBS National News to find out why people just love to watch Hallmark movies!  Check for the interview on Gayle King’s news reports during Thanksgiving week! 

5 WORK TOWARD ACCEPTANCE. It is a process of moving through and feeling your feelings until you reach a place where you no longer feel resistance in your mind and body. You can agree with the outcome or not, but there is a time to eventually accept where you are right now.  More resistance internally or externally is stressful. Live from your personal values regardless of the majority or minority opinion.

6 UNPLUG COMPLETELY. Take time away from all media and technology including social media.

7 FIND YOUR JOY with Family, Friends, Mindfulness, prayer, time in nature, spiritual pursuits, living in the present, or whatever brings you joy.

If you are still not feeling well CONSULT A THERAPIST. Many therapists are working doing telehealth so you can work with a therapist online.  Consult the Psychology Today Therapists Directory and put in your zip code to find someone near you.

To see the entire article go to:  https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/stress-detox-election-anxiety/2020/11/09/96e5974c-1fa7-11eb-90dd-abd0f7086a91_story.html

Nancy Mramor Ph.D.
Media and Health Psychologist
Award-winning author of GET REEL: Produce Your Own Life, a guide to living happily with media

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It’s Time I Posted a New Blog about Social Media

From an interview with John Hopkins

Why talk about social media when it already takes over too much of your time?

Because after working with media and mental health for over 30 years, I am finding that the effects of social media have taken over as a mental health and emotional influence, more powerful than some print and televised media. When I completed my research in the 80’s on the positive influence of TV to help children manage stress, there was no social media. Then, when  I released my book Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life in 2015, social media was taking off as a major influence in individual lives.

What do you really need to know?

Based on the research, the effects of the media on the brain may put you at risk. Most recently a book by Aral Sinan from MIT entitled The Hype Machine explained why you gravitate to social media.  Social media “likes” increase dopamine in the brain, a chemical that induces happiness. But what if you aren’t getting likes or worse yet, are getting a negative response or no response at all?

And how does Covid change social media now, in 2020?

During isolation you may rely too heavily or not at all on the Internet for connection, creating problems in either direction.  Relying too heavily on social media may mean that you have become dependent on the possibility of likes, positive comments and smiley emojis.  Why? Because of something called intermittent reinforcement. It means that you will eventually be reinforced but you don’t know when.  You return to your social media too frequently to find out if there is something to make you smile, never knowing when it may appear. This inconsistent form of reinforcement is what makes social media, among other things, create dependencies.  It can also happen with food, relationships, and your television, if you find yourself in situations when the reinforcement is uneven and unpredictable.

What factors determine if you will become addicted, positively reinforced, or worse harmed? 

Your predisposition. If you have strong self-esteem and a good sense of yourself, you can ride the ups and downs of social media.  Extroverts also seem to do well with the variance of reinforcement.  But if you are an introvert, or an insecure person, you are dealing with a high-risk situation every time you look at your posts.  You may not have the resilience to deal with what social media brings or fails to bring. You may need to set good boundaries about your use, assessing what  and how much is good for you.

So how do you keep from becoming isolated during a pandemic?

Have a variety of activities.  Go outside, start a new hobby, begin a home improvement or design project, meet with people outside and socially distanced, and best of all, strengthen your relationship with yourself!   In my post 19 Ways to Be Happy during Covid 19, I talked about kindness, making someone happy today with one email, smiling to tell your brain that you are happy, taking care of yourself with nutrition and exercise, and reading.  But getting better acquainted with yourself, will keep you afloat in any circumstance at any age.

So what, outside of social media, will sustain you the most now and always?

In Real Conscious Living, we speak of living mindfully and consciously, stepping back from what is in your immediate environment, and looking it as an observer.  You will become less judgmental as you allow yourself to view what is happening from your observer.  The observer allows your Higher Self, to observe your personal or ego self, and sees things more neutrally and gently, without judgement.  This is a BIG subject and more can be learned about staying mindful with your media in GET REEL: Produce Your Own Life. It provides a roadmap for using conscious living  not just with media but with life.  And that map will sustain you through any pandemic or other crises. 

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