Lisa Batya Feld's Blog, page 15

Letter Meme

1. Leave a comment to this post, specifically saying that you would like a letter.
2. I will give you a letter.
3. Post the names of five fictional characters whose names begin with that letter, and your thoughts on each. The characters can be from books, movies, or TV shows.



I got P from gnomi (Grr! Not an easy letter; why couldn't it have been C? Or K?):

1. Kitty Pryde, "Excalibur": When I was a thirteen-year-old, gawky, Jewish nerd who was much more comfortable with adults than with kids my own age, someone told me I had to read this comic about a thirteen-year-old, gawky, Jewish nerd who was much more comfortable with adults than with kids her own age. I watched her date an older guy who made her miserable, watched her crush on guys who were more interested in her gorgeous roommates, watched her find mentors and grow more comfortable with her own strengths, watched her come back from hell again and again and find friends, find love, find herself. Always, in so many ways, the hero I identify with.

2. Peter Parker, "Spiderman": I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for this, but the first time I ever read comics with Peter Parker in them, he was guest starring in Excalibur and ClanDestine. I knew who he was before that, but the first times I saw him in action, he was telling various fledgling superheroes that they had to acknowledge both their responsibilities and their limitations. It's interesting that someone who is known for losing two sets of parents plays such a crucial role in parenting other young men and women.

3. Armsman Pym, "The Vorkosigan Series": I think there are times when Miles discounts the respect his parents have for his accomplishments. It's harder to dismiss the respect of one's armsmen, because they don't have to like you and because their own sense of dignity is so tied to the reputation of the Vor they serve. Pym is a mirror that shows Miles when he's done good.

4. Percy Wainwright, "The Lord John Series": Percy made me realize for the first time that since Lord John lost his father, he's been afraid to give his heart fully to anyone. He falls in love with a married, heterosexual, convicted prisoner who will never love him back or share his life. He builds a life with someone who's the wrong gender. And he can only sleep with someone if he makes it absolutely clear to them that he'll never actually love them back. As if, somehow, that can actually prevent John from feeling pain.

5. Fanny Price, "Mansfield Park": Not my favorite Austen heroine, but definitely the one that shows the most interesting character transformation over the course of her story. One of these days, I'm going to write an article about her.

Surreal

Friday and Monday, I worked very late, Sunday was spent cleaning my house for Pesach, Tuesday was supposed to be the first day of my vacation, but I couldn't resist going in to work to tie up a few loose ends, and then the evening was spent travelling, so this is the first real day of vacation after what feels like a busy, intense week. So I go to check my usual weekly comics and have a weird sense of vertigo when none of the usual Friday-update comics have new pages. As a consolation, I do get new pages of Tuesday-updated TJ and Amal.

And now to roll up my sleeves and help Mom scrub the house. Feeling pretty good about that, actually.

Paying attention

In the parking lot outside the gym, all the trees that have been flowering for the past two weeks have started putting out leaves. They're also, mysteriously, hung with what look like single strands of spiderwebs, clotted here and there with falling white petals, shifting in the breeze, impossible to avoid. As I brush up against the surprisingly strong strands, a tiny green inchworm detaches himself and clings to my arm tenaciously. He seems more distressed about being on my arm than being caught in the web, and as I finally shift him off me, I realize, "Oh. These are mulberry trees. This is what a silkworm looks like in the wild." And suddenly what seemed creepy and in my way becomes fascinating, even miraculous.

The Bechdel test

This week's installment of Family Man referenced the Bechdel Test, which I haven't thought about in ages, so I went hunting for the original strip again and found this, this, and this.

The sad thing is that while I'm generally aware of and frustrated by the Smurfette character who is just there to be a love interest (or a soulless ballbuster, which male executives seem to think is what feminists want), I'm less conscious in my viewing of whether the things I see pass the main Bechdel Test, in part because I like characters talking about their feelings, which often translates to girls talking about boys, so I don't read it as an irritant when that's ALL the female characters do. I also think some movies and TV shows are better with few or no women; Lawrence of Arabia and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern really don't need tweaking. But it's interesting that even a lot of tough chick movies and shows only allow for one tough chick in a world of men; she isn't allowed to have sisters, friends, or (God forbid) a mother. And it's disturbing that, as a writer, I'm mostly unconscious about how media portrayals of women that I've absorbed affect how I, in turn, portray women both as solitary characters and in relationships with male and female characters.

I started thinking about the shows, movies and books I like, and found some surprising (and not so surprising) Bechdel and Smurfette winners:

Jim Butcher's Dresden Files
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Nikita
Full Metal Alchemist
Stargate: SG-1 (I know, it shocked me, too. Thank you, Janet Frasier.)

And losers:

Highlander: The Series
Sherlock
Doctor Who (Yes, the Doctor counts as a man whom the female characters talk about.)
CJ Cherryh's Foreigner series
Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan saga
Jane Austen's entire life's work

Now, I still adore everything I listed on the losers' list, and wouldn't turn Sherlock and John into Cagney and Lacey, or make Lizzy Bennet and her sisters fight crime. But I was blown away when Battlestar Gallactica made the daring choice to turn some of the originally male characters female when they brought the show back, with really stunning results. Is it possible to create a fully developed character first and then decide on gender, and just see where that takes a show or story? Can we expand the types of stories and characters and dynamics in our repertoire? What's my responsibility for doing so in my own work?

Outed

So we're chatting during the lunch break of my all-day editorial meeting, talking about things we like to read, and both my editor and my publisher are into SF. And my editor turns to me and asks, "So, if you like science fiction, do you read any of that fanfic stuff?"

I grin and blush and say, "Better to ask if there's fanfic I haven't read."

Then my publisher turns to me and says, knowingly, "If you read fanfic, do you read slash?"

Oh my god. How do you even know that word? "I decline to answer, on the grounds that it may convict me..."

Better homes and file cabinets

Before I found a place to live in Durham, I spent three months living out of suitcases. (And when I say suitcases, I mean it -- no drawer space, and everything had to be packed up during the day because I was sharing a house with two small children and a curious cat.) Between the crazy storage and all the major decisions I was making, I had to keep an ever-growing sack of documents I needed, bills I was paying, etc. I sorted some of it when I first moved in, but there was always more, and it evolved into a small pile of junk mail and random papers beside my favorite chair.

Today, impelled by the desperate need to finally vacuum, I managed to get it together and file everything away. I'm mildly disturbed by whatever librarian genes give me this deep sense of satisfaction and completion from putting papers in order.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, gnomi !

I hope the year ahead is amazing and fulfilling.

Slowly shifting

I haven't written anything since I turned in my thesis almost a year ago. I've missed writing A LOT, but I haven't been upset or worried about it; any time I go through an intense writing experience (Clarion, my thesis year at Bard, my year off for writing), my creativity goes away for a while. I'm not sure if it's that the well runs dry and needs refilling, or whether the critiques and rejections take their toll, or what, but I've learned to accept it and to trust that it'll come back when it's good and ready. I can check in with myself every now and then and see if I'm ready to start writing again, but if I'm not, pushing myself does more harm than good.

I'm frustrated that it's been a longer hiatus than most. It's understandable -- the day I turned in the thesis, I started applying for jobs, the job search ended after one month and I started packing, moved across the country, started a new job, moved again, went to a conference, got sick, had my whole family stay with me for a week -- you get the picture. Still, even though I've had good reason to focus on other things, I still miss writing. It hurts to feel like there's nothing going on inside, no curiosity, no discoveries, no part of myself that I want to savor and no part that feels worth sharing with other people.

But this morning, I woke up and decided that it was about time I researched Admiral Nelson, whom I've been interested in off and on for a while now, so I started hunting for good biographies. I have no idea whether I'd use the research for anything, but it felt so good to be curious again, to want to explore something and geek out over random knowledge. And then, on the ride to work, I turned off NPR and just daydreamed. Again, no sparks large enough to sustain a story, no real original ideas, but I needed -- wanted -- to be in my own head. I don't know if any of this is going to amount to anything, and I don't want to put too much weight on it. But it feels good even just for what it is.

Muffin Accomplished

So over the past few weeks I've been tweaking a recipe for blackberry-ginger muffins, dubbed "The Muffins of Insanity" due to their origins at the tail end of a MARATHON day of baking when I was slap-happy exhausted (Cue Wally Shawn from Princess Bride, followed by Gollum whispering, "Tricksy batter, mustn't overmix the Precious!"). I started by blending three different recipes I found on the internet and tweaking it some more, but I think I've finally cracked it; it is OMG delicious, and fairly flexible for individual tastes.


3 cups of flour
1 T baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
10 T unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar (plus optional extra for topping)
2 eggs (or three, if you like a denser muffin)
Zest of 1 lemon, about 1 t
1 1/2 cups blackberries, fresh or frozen
1 inch of grated ginger, about 1 T (feel free to add more)
1 1/2 cups plain yogurt (Mix of regular and Greek yogurt; the more Greek yogurt is in the mix, the more dense and hearty the muffins, the more regular yogurt, the lighter and fluffier it will be. I like 1 cup Greek and 1/2 cup regular)

Preheat oven to 375°F.

Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar together. It's okay for there to still be some little chunks of butter; you do NOT want to overmix the batter at any stage! Beat in the eggs, ginger, and lemon peel until incorporated.

Mix in 1/2 of the dry ingredients until just incorporated. Then mix in 1/3 of the yogurt. Then 1/2 of the remaining dry ingredients. Then a second 1/3 of the yogurt. Finish off the dry ingredients and then the last of the yogurt. Fold in the berries (defrost frozen berries first).

Use a standard-size muffin tin, feel free to either use cupcake papers or a light coating of spray on the pan itself. Put equal helpings of batter in each section; this will make 12 large muffins. Don't worry if they have rounded tops; they won't rise too much. If you choose, you can sprinkle sugar over the tops of the muffins to create a sugar crust, which is quite lovely.

Bake until golden brown, about 30 minutes. Test with a toothpick to make sure the centers of the muffins are done. These are great fresh or toasted with cream cheese and jam!

An evolving definition of home

It's been a really extraordinary week. My parents and brother came in to see me, and we spent the week doing all the things I've intended to do since coming here but never gotten around to: wandering through the Duke Gardens, eating at all the restaurants my friends in the area rave about, driving to the little out-of-the-way towns to look at the Revolutionary War-era architecture. In an odd twist, the Duke Chapel and surrounding buildings were built to look like Princeton, which meant that wandering around the center of campus made me feel very much at home.

But one of the reasons for the visit was for my folks to help me make my apartment into more of a home. Having lived in New York for so many years and having moved so many times, my design sense was really based on: 1. Do I absolutely need it? 2. Can I transport it easily? Which meant that I hadn't even gotten new posters since my sophmore year of college, and in the twelve years since graduation I've really only accumulated a bed and a couple of puffy chairs by way of furniture. And the further I get into my thirties, the more I feel this growing sense that this is the point in my life when I should be developing adult tastes and settling into a home and a life, when I should have a home that can welcome other people in and sustain more than just myself.

After a week of really concerted effort, the apartment is completely changed. My mom has a gift for turning any place into a home, and she's wonderful at drawing out what people really feel and want. I now have quirky, beautiful wall art, bookshelves that have a design sense, an accent table, plants, and family photos going back to the mid-19th century. It all feels like me, even though I never would have done it if left to my own devices, and it makes me eager to get more things (a coffee table, a lamp, glass bottles) to brighten the space even more. It feels like not just a place where I want to spend time, but a place that can welcome in friends and help me reach out to people more.