Lisa Batya Feld's Blog, page 11
March 19, 2014
Kicking the bucket list
Talking with a college friend last night about changes in our lives between then and now, I noted that in my early twenties, I'd written a bucket list which I still kept buried in the back of my wallet. What was funny was that the twenty-five items on the list were not necessarily things I was excited to do, but things I felt I ought to do at some point to become a well-rounded person.
In the last eleven years, I've only checked two items off the list. Some of the things on the list no longer interest me, like getting a tattoo. Some, I'm no longer eligible for, like joining the military. And some are not entirely in my control, like getting married or getting a novel published. But the main thing is that I wasn't really enthusiastic about most of the things on the list--it wasn't about having adventures or fulfilling dreams, it was a to-do list I thought I needed to complete to prove I had not squandered my time on Earth.
Not surprisingly, because the list isn't actually connected to my dreams and desires, I've only looked at it a couple of times in the last eleven years, and the experiences that have been most significant in my life are things that weren't on the list at all. So I wonder, is it time for a new list, one that is more honest about dreams I really want to accomplish, places I need to save up to visit? Should I make it into a kind of ten-year check-in, seeing how my self-concept changes over time? Or should I give up the idea of lists altogether and trust that the things that really speak to me will get done without some list to remind me?
In the last eleven years, I've only checked two items off the list. Some of the things on the list no longer interest me, like getting a tattoo. Some, I'm no longer eligible for, like joining the military. And some are not entirely in my control, like getting married or getting a novel published. But the main thing is that I wasn't really enthusiastic about most of the things on the list--it wasn't about having adventures or fulfilling dreams, it was a to-do list I thought I needed to complete to prove I had not squandered my time on Earth.
Not surprisingly, because the list isn't actually connected to my dreams and desires, I've only looked at it a couple of times in the last eleven years, and the experiences that have been most significant in my life are things that weren't on the list at all. So I wonder, is it time for a new list, one that is more honest about dreams I really want to accomplish, places I need to save up to visit? Should I make it into a kind of ten-year check-in, seeing how my self-concept changes over time? Or should I give up the idea of lists altogether and trust that the things that really speak to me will get done without some list to remind me?
January 6, 2014
Life revisited
I just spent the evening going through my old fanfic journal, tagging entries for easier sorting. At this point, it's been more than five years since I was intensely involved in fandom, so it's strange to go through the entries and see patterns I didn't recognize at the time, or that I did recognize but later forgot.
I remembered how much I wrote in the four years I was most deeply involved in fandom, but I'd forgotten how much I used my fanfic to experiment and stretch myself as a writer. There's a bunch of entries that start out, "I have no idea how this will turn out, guys, so be gentle while I figure this out!" and each time, my friends list responded with real encouragement that kept me going.
I wrote a lot more there about my personal life than I had remembered doing. My friends list was made up of kind, wise people who I could trust with very personal things. I'd forgotten how deep that closeness ran. I'd remembered putting a lot of time and energy into fandom, but I'd forgotten how much fandom gave me in return.
I don't know if I'll ever get back into fandom in the way I was before. I'm really trying to work on original novels now. The fandoms I used to focus on are all off the air, and I don't know if there are any fans left who will care if I ever review the old seasons well enough to be able to finish writing the massive Sentinel/SG-1/SGA/Torchwood/Dr. Who fic I got stuck on. And in terms of new fic, I'm just not getting story ideas for the fandoms I'm into now, like Sleepy Hollow or Sherlock. But who knows? Maybe I will wend my way back someday. For now, it feels important just to acknowledge how much I owe to fandom, and what a big part of my life and my growth as a writer it was.
I remembered how much I wrote in the four years I was most deeply involved in fandom, but I'd forgotten how much I used my fanfic to experiment and stretch myself as a writer. There's a bunch of entries that start out, "I have no idea how this will turn out, guys, so be gentle while I figure this out!" and each time, my friends list responded with real encouragement that kept me going.
I wrote a lot more there about my personal life than I had remembered doing. My friends list was made up of kind, wise people who I could trust with very personal things. I'd forgotten how deep that closeness ran. I'd remembered putting a lot of time and energy into fandom, but I'd forgotten how much fandom gave me in return.
I don't know if I'll ever get back into fandom in the way I was before. I'm really trying to work on original novels now. The fandoms I used to focus on are all off the air, and I don't know if there are any fans left who will care if I ever review the old seasons well enough to be able to finish writing the massive Sentinel/SG-1/SGA/Torchwood/Dr. Who fic I got stuck on. And in terms of new fic, I'm just not getting story ideas for the fandoms I'm into now, like Sleepy Hollow or Sherlock. But who knows? Maybe I will wend my way back someday. For now, it feels important just to acknowledge how much I owe to fandom, and what a big part of my life and my growth as a writer it was.
Butternut squash burritos
One of the most useful skills I've developed since I started cooking for myself is knowing how to separate the ingredients/concept from the vehicle of a recipe. I hate risotto, but since risotto is a starch, I can take the asparagus, lemon and parmesan from a risotto recipe and mix them with a starch I do like, such as pasta. I keep kosher, but I can take a goat cheese and sundried tomato baked chicken recipe and change it to a goat cheese and sundried tomato baked fish.
So I saw a really interesting galette recipe on Smitten Kitchen and instantly thought, "Hey, if I can turn this into mini galettes or hand pies, that would make an awesome lunch!" Two problems with that idea: the pastry dough is way too fattening for everyday food, and working the dough when you have no pastry cutter, rolling pin, or counter space is a bit challenging.
Hence, my invention of the butternut squash burrito: much simpler to make and much less fat to feel guilty about.
1 small butternut squash (about one pound)
1 T butter
1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced
1 t salt
1/8 t cayenne, or to taste
1 cup Swiss cheese, grated or cut into small bits
1 T chopped fresh sage leaves (or 1/2 t dried)
2-3 cups cooked rice
Soft tortillas
Preheat oven to 400. Cut squash in half, scoop out seeds, and place cut-side-down on a cookie sheet coated with nonstick spray. Roast for 1 hour and set aside to cool.
While squash is roasting, saute the onion in the butter and cayenne over low heat, stirring occasionally, until caramelized. Let cool.
Scoop the butternut squash out of its shell into a mixing bowl with a spoon. Stir together the squash, caramelized onions, sage, and cheese.
To assemble burritos, spoon equal amounts of rice and squash mixture into tortillas and fold up. Since the squash mixture will keep in an airtight container in the fridge for a week, I assemble the burritos one at a time before work every morning so they're fresh.
So I saw a really interesting galette recipe on Smitten Kitchen and instantly thought, "Hey, if I can turn this into mini galettes or hand pies, that would make an awesome lunch!" Two problems with that idea: the pastry dough is way too fattening for everyday food, and working the dough when you have no pastry cutter, rolling pin, or counter space is a bit challenging.
Hence, my invention of the butternut squash burrito: much simpler to make and much less fat to feel guilty about.
1 small butternut squash (about one pound)
1 T butter
1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced
1 t salt
1/8 t cayenne, or to taste
1 cup Swiss cheese, grated or cut into small bits
1 T chopped fresh sage leaves (or 1/2 t dried)
2-3 cups cooked rice
Soft tortillas
Preheat oven to 400. Cut squash in half, scoop out seeds, and place cut-side-down on a cookie sheet coated with nonstick spray. Roast for 1 hour and set aside to cool.
While squash is roasting, saute the onion in the butter and cayenne over low heat, stirring occasionally, until caramelized. Let cool.
Scoop the butternut squash out of its shell into a mixing bowl with a spoon. Stir together the squash, caramelized onions, sage, and cheese.
To assemble burritos, spoon equal amounts of rice and squash mixture into tortillas and fold up. Since the squash mixture will keep in an airtight container in the fridge for a week, I assemble the burritos one at a time before work every morning so they're fresh.
January 5, 2014
Lime cilantro rice
I had my first taste of lime cilantro rice in a little Mexican restaurant in Colorado. Light and fluffy, sweet and flavorful, it balanced whatever it was paired with: fish tacos, black bean burritos, fajitas. Since then, I've been trying to recreate the magic of this deceptively simple starch at home with little result, but I think I've finally cracked it--adding lime zest as well as the juice of the lime helps punch the flavor up enough without weighing the rice down with too many spices or ingredients.
1 t oil or butter
1 cup white basmati rice
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 cups hot water
1/2 t salt
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, minced
Heat the oil or butter in a medium saucepan/pot. Add the rice and stir to coat grains with oil. Add the salt, lime juice and zest, and water, turning up the heat to get everything to a boil. Once the water starts boiling, turn it down, stir once, cover, and cook for 15 minutes or until water is absorbed. Add cilantro and stir. Cover again until ready to serve.
1 t oil or butter
1 cup white basmati rice
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 cups hot water
1/2 t salt
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, minced
Heat the oil or butter in a medium saucepan/pot. Add the rice and stir to coat grains with oil. Add the salt, lime juice and zest, and water, turning up the heat to get everything to a boil. Once the water starts boiling, turn it down, stir once, cover, and cook for 15 minutes or until water is absorbed. Add cilantro and stir. Cover again until ready to serve.
December 31, 2013
Year to Date 2013
And the latest in the ongoing saga of my writing life...
2013 Stats:
Stories Circulating: 10
Rejections: 42
Sales: 1
Nano 1: Within These Walls - First draft complete
Nano 2: Cuckoo - First draft complete
I was really lucky to have several months off to write and I think I used them well. I finished the Nanowrimo novel I had started last November and wrote a whole other one, and I've been playing around with ideas for a third novel that hasn't come together yet while I work on editing the first two and getting friends to critique them. The process has been wonderful: a lot of problems I've been wrestling with in my writing for years have turned out to be issues of working in the wrong format: once I gave myself enough space to develop ideas properly, my writing stopped feeling so rushed and began to deepen.
My short stories, on the other hand, have been frustrating me. As predicted, my submission/rejection rate has tapered off, in large part because there are very few markets I haven't already sent these stories to and those markets are the slowest to respond. I made one amazing sale to Prairie Schooner, but I'm getting to the point where I need to retire several stories to my desk drawer because there is just nowhere else to send them. And some of those stories are very close to my heart, ones that I thought were written well and that I really wanted to see out in the world. That's painful.
On the bright side, along with the wonderful output I've had this year, I've also been reading a lot more. Dismayed by how little I read while working for Oxford as compared to when I was in my MFA program, I challenged myself to read 52 books in 2013--one per week. In part because I had some extra time on my hands, I absolutely destroyed that goal with a final count of 127 books! They were a mixture of poetry, fiction, history, and graphic novels, some old favorites and some new discoveries. Why am I mentioning it here? Because part of what fuels my writing is having an active life of the mind. The more I read, the more possibilities I can see for my own fiction.
In the coming year, I know I'm going to write less because I'm working full time, but I really want to finish revising Within These Walls and Cuckoo and put them up on the internet, and I want to write a first draft of a new novel. If I can write one or two rough drafts and polish one or two final drafts every year, then whether or not these early efforts are successful, I know I will eventually get where I'm going.
2013 Stats:
Stories Circulating: 10
Rejections: 42
Sales: 1
Nano 1: Within These Walls - First draft complete
Nano 2: Cuckoo - First draft complete
I was really lucky to have several months off to write and I think I used them well. I finished the Nanowrimo novel I had started last November and wrote a whole other one, and I've been playing around with ideas for a third novel that hasn't come together yet while I work on editing the first two and getting friends to critique them. The process has been wonderful: a lot of problems I've been wrestling with in my writing for years have turned out to be issues of working in the wrong format: once I gave myself enough space to develop ideas properly, my writing stopped feeling so rushed and began to deepen.
My short stories, on the other hand, have been frustrating me. As predicted, my submission/rejection rate has tapered off, in large part because there are very few markets I haven't already sent these stories to and those markets are the slowest to respond. I made one amazing sale to Prairie Schooner, but I'm getting to the point where I need to retire several stories to my desk drawer because there is just nowhere else to send them. And some of those stories are very close to my heart, ones that I thought were written well and that I really wanted to see out in the world. That's painful.
On the bright side, along with the wonderful output I've had this year, I've also been reading a lot more. Dismayed by how little I read while working for Oxford as compared to when I was in my MFA program, I challenged myself to read 52 books in 2013--one per week. In part because I had some extra time on my hands, I absolutely destroyed that goal with a final count of 127 books! They were a mixture of poetry, fiction, history, and graphic novels, some old favorites and some new discoveries. Why am I mentioning it here? Because part of what fuels my writing is having an active life of the mind. The more I read, the more possibilities I can see for my own fiction.
In the coming year, I know I'm going to write less because I'm working full time, but I really want to finish revising Within These Walls and Cuckoo and put them up on the internet, and I want to write a first draft of a new novel. If I can write one or two rough drafts and polish one or two final drafts every year, then whether or not these early efforts are successful, I know I will eventually get where I'm going.
December 26, 2013
Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Gah, my last entry here was really October? October? Okay, clearly I've got some catching up to do.
In November, my job search finally ended with a couple of great offers and my choice to go work as web content editor for the Jewish Women's Archive in Boston. (Which was especially nice because my first day of work was three days before my 35th birthday, which meant I spent my birthday living my life rather than wondering where my life is going.) The people are really lovely, and the work is what I had hoped for: I'm doing a lot of different types of writing and editing, everything from blogs to grants, trying to write compellingly for very different audiences.
The job has meant moving to Boston and learning a new city. My apartment is beautiful: an old house cut up into apartments, which means old hardwood floors, two fireplaces, and windows all around. While I do wish I had moved in a season with more warmth and light to encourage more exploration, I'm still getting out to discover all the treats of Coolidge Corner and Harvard Square. Funniest moment was when a new friend introduced me to the Harvard Coop, which I had assumed was a food co-op. Instead, I open the doors and blurt out, "No one told me there were books in here!" It's one of the most beautiful and well-stocked bookstores I've ever been in, and I think it is very quickly going to become a favorite mecca.
And, of course, living in Boston has other advantages: my mom and brother work here, and I'm close to my aunt, uncle, and ten of my cousins, including
mabfan
,
gnomi
, and their children.
With everything going on, I haven't had much time or inclination to write, but as I settle in, I'm hoping that will change. I think this is going to be a really wonderful chapter in my life.
In November, my job search finally ended with a couple of great offers and my choice to go work as web content editor for the Jewish Women's Archive in Boston. (Which was especially nice because my first day of work was three days before my 35th birthday, which meant I spent my birthday living my life rather than wondering where my life is going.) The people are really lovely, and the work is what I had hoped for: I'm doing a lot of different types of writing and editing, everything from blogs to grants, trying to write compellingly for very different audiences.
The job has meant moving to Boston and learning a new city. My apartment is beautiful: an old house cut up into apartments, which means old hardwood floors, two fireplaces, and windows all around. While I do wish I had moved in a season with more warmth and light to encourage more exploration, I'm still getting out to discover all the treats of Coolidge Corner and Harvard Square. Funniest moment was when a new friend introduced me to the Harvard Coop, which I had assumed was a food co-op. Instead, I open the doors and blurt out, "No one told me there were books in here!" It's one of the most beautiful and well-stocked bookstores I've ever been in, and I think it is very quickly going to become a favorite mecca.
And, of course, living in Boston has other advantages: my mom and brother work here, and I'm close to my aunt, uncle, and ten of my cousins, including
mabfan
,
gnomi
, and their children.With everything going on, I haven't had much time or inclination to write, but as I settle in, I'm hoping that will change. I think this is going to be a really wonderful chapter in my life.
October 23, 2013
Joyful beta testing
As some of you know, my dad (who I call Tateh) chaired the committee to rewrite the Conservative Movement's High Holiday prayerbook and he's been working on the daily prayerbook for the past few years as well. Today we got the first copies of the Friday night service (Kabbalat Shabbat), beautifully bound, for beta testing with a few synagogues, including Congregation B'nai Israel in Northampton.
Growing up, I always sang Kabbalat Shabbat with Tateh, sometimes making the rounds of student prayer groups through Hillel, sometimes exploring different synagogues in Jerusalem, sometimes just the two of us curling up on the couch at home. He taught me tunes he'd learned from his grandfather. He'd stop to murmur excitedly to me, retranslating passages to show me the poetry of the Hebrew that had been lost in translation like he was letting me in on a delicious secret. Even when I live alone, when I do Kabbalat Shabbat by myself, I can't help thinking of him and hearing his voice in the prayers. Since I've been living with my folks at home in Northampton, he and I have been testing out the new prayerbook each week, reading the new translations aloud to hear how they sound, reading the additions to see how they felt, talking over the choices he's made. It's been very special for me to get this early glimpse into his work, like being let in on a wonderful secret once again.
And to my surprise and delight, Tateh asked me if I would join him and Rabbi Justin David in leading the first service out of the new prayerbook this Friday at CBI. It means so much to me that he's asked me to be a part of this, that my praying with him has meant as much to him as it has to me. And I can't wait to see how everyone responds to his amazing work.
Growing up, I always sang Kabbalat Shabbat with Tateh, sometimes making the rounds of student prayer groups through Hillel, sometimes exploring different synagogues in Jerusalem, sometimes just the two of us curling up on the couch at home. He taught me tunes he'd learned from his grandfather. He'd stop to murmur excitedly to me, retranslating passages to show me the poetry of the Hebrew that had been lost in translation like he was letting me in on a delicious secret. Even when I live alone, when I do Kabbalat Shabbat by myself, I can't help thinking of him and hearing his voice in the prayers. Since I've been living with my folks at home in Northampton, he and I have been testing out the new prayerbook each week, reading the new translations aloud to hear how they sound, reading the additions to see how they felt, talking over the choices he's made. It's been very special for me to get this early glimpse into his work, like being let in on a wonderful secret once again.
And to my surprise and delight, Tateh asked me if I would join him and Rabbi Justin David in leading the first service out of the new prayerbook this Friday at CBI. It means so much to me that he's asked me to be a part of this, that my praying with him has meant as much to him as it has to me. And I can't wait to see how everyone responds to his amazing work.
October 12, 2013
Juggling act
Oh, thank freaking god. Finally wrote a halfway decent ending for Cuckoo. I have been struggling with that scene for two whole months, and while I'm still not happy with it, it's at least coherent enough that I can show it to friends and have a conversation about what I'm aiming for and how I might do that better.
And now to completely gut and rewrite Within These Walls and do some worldbuilding for my next book. Each of which has its own challenges. Frustrating in a good way, the way a really good workout at the gym pushes you to your limits and makes you proud of what you can do.
And now to completely gut and rewrite Within These Walls and do some worldbuilding for my next book. Each of which has its own challenges. Frustrating in a good way, the way a really good workout at the gym pushes you to your limits and makes you proud of what you can do.
October 9, 2013
Reading new things and old favorites
I was talking to someone today about whether they buy books new or used, from Amazon or real bookstores, and I'm curious what other people's habits are. Here are mine:
Books written by friends: Buy in hardcover from an indie bookseller, preferably on launch day.
Books in series I'm already reading: Buy new from bookstore, preferably on launch day.
Books that have been recommended to me: Read in bookstore. If I like it enough to finish it, buy the copy I was reading.
Classics I've been meaning to read: Buy used.
Books that are overpriced: Buy from Amazon. (Only if it costs at least $10 more than other books of that type.)
I also try and pick up used copies of the first book in any series I like as a "loaner" copy: I can use it to addict friends to the series without worrying if they'll damage or keep my favorite book.
What about you guys? Any patterns to your book buying?
Books written by friends: Buy in hardcover from an indie bookseller, preferably on launch day.
Books in series I'm already reading: Buy new from bookstore, preferably on launch day.
Books that have been recommended to me: Read in bookstore. If I like it enough to finish it, buy the copy I was reading.
Classics I've been meaning to read: Buy used.
Books that are overpriced: Buy from Amazon. (Only if it costs at least $10 more than other books of that type.)
I also try and pick up used copies of the first book in any series I like as a "loaner" copy: I can use it to addict friends to the series without worrying if they'll damage or keep my favorite book.
What about you guys? Any patterns to your book buying?
September 12, 2013
Wasted effort
Last night I went to a new critique group/pot luck for the first time. It was grueling. And afterwards, I'm sitting in the smoldering wreckage with one of the other group members as she gently tries to convince me that I need to explain my terms earlier in the text so the audience has an emotional context for the heroine's big reveal, and I'm kicking myself for not realizing that was needed on my own.
And then I open my eyes and realize, "Oh. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming a critique session that never happened, about a novel I never wrote." Which is a shame, because Lyta Alexander brought some tasty-looking chocolate truffles and pretzel rolls I would have loved to try before the assassins struck and blew up the place.
And then I open my eyes and realize, "Oh. I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming a critique session that never happened, about a novel I never wrote." Which is a shame, because Lyta Alexander brought some tasty-looking chocolate truffles and pretzel rolls I would have loved to try before the assassins struck and blew up the place.
