Jude Stringfellow's Blog, page 35

Dodged That Bullet!! Thank you, Jesus.

     A very very former friend decided to hurt me. She picked up the phone and called my would-be employer to say I lied on my application. She even lied about what she said I lied about; this is the thing that really gets me. The company didn't call me to ask about it, they called me to rescind the job offer. They never once asked if what she said was true. They didn't let on that she was a she or that she had called, but once I pressed the issue that I had a legal right to defend or explain, they did tell me it was an anonymous call and that the person stated we had been friends "at one time". What she failed to say was that less than one hour beforehand, I had told her we couldn't be friends because of her unethical and negative mannerisms. I blocked her on Facebook and BAM...I lost my job!

    The thing is, I didn't really lose my job. I was going to call that company (place) the next day to withdraw my application because I've accepted another position. The former friend didn't "win" or "hurt" me the way she had intended. The thing I got out of it was that the company would rather listen to a deceiver rather than take a moment to ask me if (a) it was true, and/or (b) if I could either defend the statement or explain it. No, they just chose to take her word; the word of a disgruntled ex-friend who has a long long history of sabotaging herself and everyone (and everything) around her. (That's not me being mean either, I've gone way way way out of my way for twenty-five years to pull her out of her own muck. I just decided to stop doing so.)

    I thought about it, and she may have actually done me a great favor when you (I) think about it. If the company, agency, department, place, recruiter, or hiring manager would be apt to take a call, an anonymous call, and then trust or believe what some random person said about a candidate who had not only been vetted but offered a position, well then what does that say about them? They either didn't do their job when they vetted if the caller was telling the truth, or they have about as much character and integrity as she does! I don't need that. Thank you, Jesus, that I don't have to put up with either of them now. I really should take a minute and thank her, but I won't. I'm never going to communicate with her again.

    It would be so different for me if the woman in question had been a non-believer, a non-Christian, but she claims to have accepted Christ. Certainly, her actions over the past two decades don't exactly show that love, but she claims it, I can't judge her. Her life fruit seems as sour as an unripe Granny Smith, but at the same time, I can't say she is or isn't sealed by the Spirit. If she is, I would ask that the Spirit reach her and teach her the true way(s) to treat others; she's been alienating people for literally decades. For this stunt to be her first would be very unlikely. I can only imagine that over the past several years she has pulled it either on me, to harm me, or to harm others she deems undeserving. 

    Here's the kicker - - and it is worthy of note. She took the interview for the same job. They offered it to her. She turned it down. I interviewed for it, and they offered it to me, I accepted. She then felt that she was wronged I guess, I don't know, she acted as if she was OK with me taking the position. I lost it, but she didn't know I was planning to withdraw. I doubt, and I mean doubt big time, that they would have extended the offer to her again. If they do, I wish her the best. I'm not going to call them up and say anything bad about her; why would I put myself on her lower-than-scum-water level? Nope, I'll just never know, and I don't care to know. I have this thing about moving forward - - I do it.

    So, there you have it. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer - - they are the ones stabbing you in the back. The loser here would be her. She lost one of the most faithful, loving, kind, sweet-natured, and giving souls to ever walk the face of the Earth. The times I defended her and picked her up after yet another of her breakdowns or pity parties seems endless to me. I never have to do that again. I never have to think about her again - - that's the beauty of her betrayal, it was crystal clear to me that she didn't need to be a part of my light.

Photo Credit: Asktheheadhunter.com

Dance - - Dance - - Dane-cccc

The good news is I don't care if I sweat, stink, or make other noises when I'm dancing because it is just me, my CD player, my dog Ginger, and sometimes my cat Bilbo. I say sometimes Bilbo because he's not always to be counted on; he leaves when he gets bored which is usually after the 3rd or 4th song. Ginger, on the other hand, is waiting for me to drop down into the doggie-downward stance so she can feel as if she's doing the same thing I am doing. She loves doga!! 

    When I dance, as opposed to when I walk, box, or stretch, I throw it all to the wind. I move. I have zero inhabitions and I let my mind race back to my senior year in high school when I was something like 120 pounds at my current height of nearly 5'7" and I was flat as a 12-year-old boy! Damn, I miss that girl! If I could, I would sell these big boobies and donate any extra fat a good licensed surgeon could use for his/her next patient. I'm ready...I'll trade it in a heartbeat.

    Speaking of heartbeats..I need to get one of those gizmos to tell me what my heart rate is while I'm dancing. I tend to slow it down when I think it's too high, but you just never know. I may have to get something to remind me; maybe something with a buzzer on it that screams at me when it gets to the thrashing point. I could do that, or I could stop playing Head East and Boston, and put something a bit more tame on the CD player - - maybe Steph Macleod. (Talk about heart racing! LOL Maybe I shouldn't do that.) Maybe I should think about my 17-year-old self with a bit of precaution - - but damn...damn...she was fun.

    From 1980-1984 (off and on) I worked for a music production company as well as being an indie writer in Hollywood. The company "Concerts West"  through Quicksilver and 96X radio, worked hand-in-hand with over 200 venues to bring or produce great names. My role was that of a gopher really - - go here, go there, do this do that. I drove, I cooked, I found food, found this, found that, and worked security during the shows. I met and hung with some of the greatest names in music - - and the reason(s) I was allowed to stay on was because I didn't take photos, I didn't get starry-eyed, I didn't date them (except Alex Van Halen) and I managed to keep a steady-mind and an even keel when they threw their (very often) tantrums; as you can imagine many of them did...David Lee Roth, Steve Perry, and The Pointer Sisters come to mind. Talk about dancing!! Talk about constant movement. 

    In 1979 we weren't really headbangers as much as we were just spinners, and twisters. We did a lot of dropping and popping, and we did a lot of shoulder movements. I remember that. There's another thing I do in my wee little space that I've cut out for myself in my bedroom for the particular excitement. I do cheerleading moves - - think 1979 again, nothing like they do now. I couldn't compete even if my 17-year-old self was standing in front of me. Nope, the girls today blow me, and memories clear out of the water!! I see Simone Biles and I just lose my breath! Such an inspiration! (I know, she's not a cheerleader, don't email me.)

    I'm about forty pounds over what I want to be. I'll never ever get back to 120, and to be honest, I don't want to be. I don't mind my hips. I like my hips..they're cool. I can see myself at about 140-145 and I'll be happy. It can happen. If I don't force it by exercising, I know I can pay for it to happen, but let's see how close I can get with this regiment. I don't mind putting myself through it. I know my discipline. I can set my goals and meet them - - by myself, I don't need anyone else kicking or nudging me. 

    I may move my boxing apparatus into the bedroom and store it in the corner so I can pull it out nightly and pound away for two songs; that's a good 7 minutes, maybe 8. I can do that. I can continue to walk 3 miles a day, dance, box, stretch, and think really fun exciting thoughts. Believe me when I say my exercising is not just a physical experience. NOOOOOO, I go places. I do things. I'm flying, I'm swimming the Firth of Forth. I'm chasing men in kilts up the moors - - sometimes I catch one! (Music lulls, I take a few breaths...and start over again.)

    This will be a good program - - I have a doctor helping me this time. She's only known me for a few weeks. She'll be pretty excited when I see her this week and let her know what's up; she may even provide me a gizmo to keep up with my heart rate.  We're going to both be pretty excited when I see the pounds drop because I know that my higher (not that high) cholesterol was connected to the extra weight. I can set a number and try to go for it, but I've not ever had a higher-than-normal number, so I don't know the needed metrics to get it below what it is supposed to be.  I can't remember the exact numbers, I have a blog out there about it. But that was a month ago - - I'm sure it's lower.

    OK, I think I'll call it a day for today so I'm not overdoing it, but when I was 18 - - of majority age, I would dance literally 4 or 5 nights a week at the Quicksilver club here in OKC from about 7:30 to about 10:00. I never drank. I was the designated driver. I got my orange juice or water for free - - good times. Maybe I'll find a few more 80's CDs and pretend...oh, pretend....yes...VanHalen....Journey...Kansas...Foreigner....Boston...Head East..Tom Petty...Billy Joel...and no, we won't forget the Bee Gees! I will never ever ever forget my Bee Gees. (or the Bay City Rollers, but that was 14-15! Damn...I'm old) I may be old, I admit it, but I move - - and I thank God for that.

Been there, done that - - hundreds of times. (This one is not mine but I was there. I worked it.)

Fluffen-Fluffy-Fluff and Fluff!! Be Gone!

     Here I go again!! I hate that I even have to admit this, but admitting it makes me that much more aware of it, and that much more willing to do something about it. I have let my body go over the past year because I was working and lost my job a the end of December. Because I was given a small severance and knew I could live on it, I didn't do much in the way of exercising. I let the cold weather be yet another excuse, and I just didn't work out. I didn't eat that well either, and here we are today!! Right back to where I was about this time three years ago, but at least at that time, I had already lost about 20 of the 60 pounds I wanted to lose.

    It's OK...I'm resilient, and I'm also determined. I'm one of those idiots who gets on her high horse and forces it to go in the direction she wants it to, and then I stop and rest for too long.  NOT THIS TIME. If I have to post photo after photo of my fat (sorry, fluffy) body, then that is what I'll need to do. I know that in 2023, we're not supposed to fat-shame or make fun of, ridicule, or otherwise bad-mouth people with certain body shapes, but this is MY body, and I'm not happy with its shape. I'm going to push myself until it is changed, and if I can't force it, I'll damn well pay for it to be put into the shape I think it should be. 

    I think I can officially say I started my program two days ago, but we'll say today since it's Veteran's Day, and the date is 11-11-23; last year was more fun at 11-11-22, but OK whatever. I didn't do what I needed to do then, but I'm doing it now! I am exercising again, and doing more yoga. I'm eating better again, and cutting out as much sugar as possible. I'm drinking 100 ounces of lemon or lime water a day, and I'm changing the ways I exercise so I include weight lifting, boxing, walking, stretching, and other forms of movement. It's important to mix it up; it helps with the overall change process. Your body can adapt to one type of exercise and become immune to change. Challenge yourself to add strength training with cardio.

    Anyway, today's lunch is a smoothie made with hemp protein powder, two avocados, blueberries, skim milk, flaxseed, and chia seeds. Good stuff. If you don't like the taste of dirt use another protein powder. The dirt taste from the hemp has never been a problem for me, but just about everyone I know hates it. If you ever go to McDonald's and get their unsweetened tea it also tastes like hay or dirt. I love it. But that's just me, and yes, I'm weird, so you have to know that before really understanding much of what I say. Someone has to be the weirdo and I don't mind doing the task.

    Hope you have a brilliant and bright day, and I hope you move. I hope you get up off your butt and do a lot of cardio, breathing, stretching, moving, and proper eating so that I'm not the only one!! We may all need this...if you do, I hope you'll join me at least in spirit. 

Photo Credit: Walmart.com

Jealousy vs. Envy. (There is a difference)

     As an English professor, student, and user of the English language, I do wish people would get the connotations correct when it comes to the two words "jealousy" (or being jealous) and "envious".  They are clearly different words, and where they could be seen in our society as being the same, or somewhat interchangeable, they should not be. Jealousy is so much deeper than envy. It just is.

    The Bible tells us that God is a jealous God. It has been translated of course from Greek and Hebrew, but in both cases, it means something far different from that of coveting or wanting. Envy is when you want something that belongs to someone else. Jealousy, in its true form, is when something is already yours, and you won't give it up for any reason. It is YOURS, no one else can claim it. You fight for it because it is yours. You refuse to release it because it belongs to you. 

    When the Bible speaks of God being jealous, it is clearly communicating to us that God has set His name, His seal, and His promise on us; those of us who have accepted Him, and He will not release us. He doesn't want Satan or his minions to bother us, and when they do, God reminds us and Satan who we actually belong to. Now, let's talk about the word "belong".  We often say that our dogs or cats belong to us, that we own them. This is not the same use of those words when it comes to God's relationship with us; we are not owned. We are covered. We are purchased, yet, we are adopted, graphed, and blended into God, but we are not owned.  I hope you see the difference.

    Jealousy in and of itself, is not a bad thing. We are stating blatantly that what we have is ours. For instance, if I own a car or a house, or my daughter is my daughter, not someone else's daughter, then I will fight to the last breath for what is rightfully mine. The good news is, that God will never have a last breath, and He will also fight for you. He doesn't have to pick up a gun, a sword, or anything to do that; He breathes, He speaks, and it is done. The universe and all that it holds belong to God. It will obey Him when He gives an order. 

    Can you imagine the arrogance of Satan, that great deceiver, who not only tested God and attacked His throne so many years back, and that he still continues to do so? He hasn't learned his lesson. He must still believe that he will someday overtake our Lord. What an idiot. If we remind ourselves this fallible being is nothing more than a sore spot for now, we'll be so much better off. When Satan reminds you of your past, and he will; don't be hesitant to remind him of his future. He knows it to be true, he just hasn't accepted it. Such foolery is too deep for me to understand. I've been "spanked" by God and I don't want that to ever happen again! I learned fairly early to trust and obey. 

    I sometimes wonder if Satan wasn't the one who tried to confuse us with the two words "jealous" and "envy", to make us think they were the same. I don't know when it started, but I do know that in the 17th Century, they weren't used interchangeably. There have been many essays and articles about the two words in more modern times; this makes me think that between 1800-1900 the words were confused and though I haven't done any study on it, I may do so in order to find out when it was that the old deceiver decided to be so ... deceptive. He wanted us to think that God was envious...as if someone or something else had our hearts and souls, and God wanted them. 

    Don't get me wrong, God does want each of our souls, and He wants each of our hearts, but He won't beg for it. Let's look at what the Bible also said about God's eternal love.  The verse we all know, John 3:16 is recorded as "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever shall believe on Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."  The same chapter goes on to say that we as men/women have condemned ourselves if we don't believe, He is God. It is apparent. It is obvious, but if we choose to not believe, we are condemned. God is very jealous of every last soul that He holds, but He wants (not envies) all of us to make the eternal choice to be with Him.

    So the next time someone says "Oh, she's just jealous." Stop and think to yourself, does that person mean to say the person is envious, maybe she wants to be like someone, maybe she wants to have what someone has...this isn't jealousy.  Maybe, if we all decided to use the correct words to say the correct things, we wouldn't be so lured and fooled. We wouldn't begin to doubt that God has the grip that He has; because according to several verses in the Bible, what is God's will always be God's, and no man, no Satan, no scheme, no war, no doubt, nothing that can ever happen can take that from God. Jesus said it, and if JESUS says it, that absolutely settles the matter. 

    

Photo Credit: Biblitodo

    

    

Why Do I Choose to Obey God?

I've mentioned it before, but there are several different (very different) words for the word "love" in the Hebrew as well as the Greek languages. Standard Western modern English speakers choose to use and overuse the word; it really is unfortunate. I want to say it, I want to apply it, but often times when I do, I know I'm either overstating it or understating it in some cases. I just want to say what I so very badly want to say. "I love you", but I want to say it with genuine trust, feeling, and the appropriate level of what it really is. Oftentimes, when we say "I love you", the other person goes straight to the top of the spectrum thinking we're either off our rockers and have no right to say such words, or they think we want a different type of relationship than we do - - which again, finds us wanting for more words to say what we really do mean.

    Let me explain. About four years ago, well, longer than that, but we'll say four, God and I were talking and He led me to a particular person to think about. It was rather strange really how it all began, but then again, we serve a very mysterious and often strange God. He pushed me to want to listen to gospel music, but I was really thinking I wanted to listen to something more folksy, more...Celtic. As God is, He put a thought in my head to do both. I do what everyone does...I Googled it. I literally put in the words "Celtic Worship Music" and there it was... a Scottish band calling themselves "Celtic Worship"...Yeah, OK, thanks God. I had to laugh.

    As I listened, (and I mean from the first note) I had an immediate prick to my heart. It wasn't LOVE like some like to tease me and try to make me admit to. It was LOVE in the way that God directs me, shows me, and creates in me a strong and direct connection. What word do we have in English that compares? What word can I use? The only one I can come up with is "obedience" because the deep and penetrating movement inside my soul was another command, not a suggestion, it was a direct command to begin praying for the lead singer; the man I was listening to. I didn't even know his name. I thought it was Steve McCord for a while - - some would tease again and say that for a while there was a man by that name being prayed over instead of Steph Maclead (the real name of the singer) but that's simply not true. I may be an idiot, but my God is not. He knew (knows) who it was that He gave to me to pray over, and it was Steph Macleod who received those prayers.

    Over time, (because I'm an idiot, did I mention that?) I somehow managed to upset Steph, and I regret every second of that moment because he didn't deserve it, and though he may or may not realize or appreciate it, I am still bound by my obedience to God (not him) to continue to pray for the one person God laid on my soul to pray for.  You may remember that God is eternal. He's not on the five-year plan, or the "until you think you can stop" plan; believe me, after a few rude comments and arguments that I probably (most probably) instigated, I wanted (I begged) to be free from the command. Needless to say, I was not released. I will never be released...but this admittance is not me saying I love the man in the way that others will try and create - - because we don't have the words we need in our language. I love the man because he is the one God asked me to love; through prayer.

    Today, like other days, I was driven into the closet to pray for a moment, a feeling, a hurt, a pain, something that wasn't settling right -- it had nothing to do with Steph, nothing whatsoever, and I found myself in deep deep prayer for myself and for the trickery surrounding me through friends who turned evil toward me. Right in the middle of it, right in the intensity of my burden, I heard a voice; it wasn't God. It was Steph. He was singing "Blessed Assurance", the cover from Celtic Worship's 2nd Album "Morning Tide".  Jesus gave that thought me to say "Settle down for a minute and listen. This is the man I sent you. He has what you need today. He has the words you need...listen."  This is another form of love, but again, not the love people like to attach to two people - - it's so much more encompassing than that; it's love that Jesus brings between Believers. 

    In the darkness of the small quiet room, in my mind, in my soul, I was settled. I listened, and I continued to pray but my words were changed; I wasn't praying for myself anymore. All I needed to know was that I was in the midst of unconditional love, limitless, endless, eternal - - I didn't need to cry over it, it was settled. I was directed to do what I was told to do; to pray for Steph. There is a truth in the statement that we are served when we serve. We are blessed when we bless. We are prayed for and prayed over when we pray for and over others. If God gave me 50 people I would pray for all 50, but He didn't do that. He didn't give me 50 two-legged dogs to travel the world with either - - just one. I will do what I am commanded to do; and I will do it until He tells me to stop - - what do you want to be that will be seconds after the Rapture.

    Why do I choose to obey God? Because I am one very very selfish woman. I know that if I do what He has told me to do, I will be blessed. If I do what He has given me to do, I will be blessed. My blessings will manifest - - every last one of them. All I have to do is delight myself in the Lord and HE will give me the desire of my heart; that's my claim. Psalms 37:4 is still in the Book, and so is the next verse, Psalms 37:5...it tells me that if I commit myself to Him, He will bring it to pass. HE will bring me what my heart desires. Contrastly, if I do not do what He has asked, I will NOT receive my blessings or my heart's desire. I want my blessings...Steph will simply have to put up with me praying over him and for him. I think he'll be OK. He may puff out his cheeks in frustration and confusion over it, but hey, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do - - this one will anyway. I obey. If I don't do anything else right in this world, I obey God.

    Do I love Steph? Oh, that's easy...yes. I love him from now until eternity, and as you may have guessed, eternity is a very very long time. I'm not in love with him. That's another word altogether. I think we all know that, but it needed to be mentioned. Am I confused, or what some would say obsessed? No.  I am obedient, and I am only subjected to One. When Jesus laughed so very loudly up in Heaven on January 12, 2003, and sent my son Reuben to bring home a little two-legged dog that had less than a true chance of survival, He (Jesus) knew I would do exactly what it took to see that the little dog not only survived but that her story would be told from one end of the world to the other - - for yes, eternity. Faith is up in Heaven now, and if you think about it -- she could have had something to do with this new assignment. Faith loves music too, and she knows my doggedness. I won't stop, not if I have a job to do. https://tinyurl.com/FaiththedogWiki

    Thank you, Jesus...you very precious God. I truly do LOVE you, and that word could be all-encompassing, all-encircling, all-ambient, all-inclusive. I love love love love You, God. Let my obedience be protective, and let your everlasting peace fall and be on Steph for this day, for the next, and for yes, eternity. Thank you for the gift and opportunity given. Heal any and all warrants between us; if not in this life, in the next.  

    "Seek ye first, the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 

It's a real promise. He can't lie. He said it, I believe it, and that settles it. 

Photo Credit: 119 Ministries

    

Pettiness is Ugliness.

     You can be the very picture of gorgeous from the point of view of all men and women, but if your actions tell the truth about who you really are, and you're both negative and petty-minded, then you're about as ugly as an old wretched witch with all warts and scars. You're just not very attractive if you have to stoop to calling someone's would-be employer to spread lies and rumors just because that agency offered your friend a position, and you didn't accept it when you were offered it!!  YOU are the most petty, most ugly, and most unattractive person on the face of the Earth.  I can only say, that I hope Jesus is truly in your heart so you can run (not walk) to Him both to repent and to seek His help.

    Basically what happened, and I won't be going into any real detail so that the person who I'm speaking of is not outed for the true pathetic soul that she is; even though I'm really not happy with her, I don't want anything bad to happen to her. She needs to fall on her face and repent, but that's never going to happen. She's one of those who either never accepted Jesus, or she did (which is what I pray) and she denies His power. Day after day, night after night, month and year, over and over I've had to constantly remind her of her value. I'm the ONLY ONE reminding her,  her own family has given up on her; she's given up on herself. Now, sadly, even I have to give her up--for my own personal safety and health.

    I will continue to lift her in prayer, and you should do that. If someone is suffering this much, you pray more for them. I won't call her, contact her, communicate with her, or even care anymore - - I'm so done. What I will do is hope she finds the courage and strength she needs to stop being petty and to stop hurting people who reach out to strengthen her. Maybe she can stop hating herself long enough to try to better herself; I don't know. I just know I am exhausted from the many thousands of attempts I've given.

    This afternoon, right after I unfriended the woman on FB for being so damned negative no matter what suggestions I made, or encouraging words I gave, I received a phone call from an agency that had promised me employment. I wasn't to start until 12/4 but I was still promised the position. This was a position I was overqualified for, and the agency director knew it, but she was willing to hire me and move me up in the ranks quickly. That was the plan until I accepted work at another company and I'll start a bit sooner. 

    The phone call came from the agency supervisor, telling me that they were rescinding my employment offer after receiving a disturbing intel call from someone claiming that I had been deceptive on my application. When I asked if she could give me any specific details I was told no; but they would rescind the offer until they could either verify what I had said, or I could call the director and make an appointment to come in to discuss it.  I agreed that I may still come in and discuss my application, just to clear my name, but that I was going to call the director on Monday to say I had accepted another position. I was just waiting for the beginning of the week to roll around.

    All's well that ends well, right? So, when the caller let me know who it was that called, she said the coward refused to give her name, but the lady told me the phone number the caller used. Bingo! Can you believe in 2023 people think they can call and their number isn't going to be recorded? Oh...yes, it is technology, so maybe she didn't understand it. I'm not the best at tech, believe me, but I do know that Caller ID is a real thing.

    My prayers go up for this woman because she is skillless, she has no real talent in a professional sense, and it is rather hard for her to be employed. She was a teacher for years but hasn't kept up with tech, and if a student berates her she comes completely unglued. She was accepted at the same agency I was accepted at, but she felt the workload would be too stressful and she turned them down; maybe she's thinking she can oust me and get the opportunity to do it...OK...have fun. I'm considering going in to talk to the director because I won't tolerate my name or reputation being soiled.  That sort of thing bothers me. I just wish petty people would think before acting. Most of the time when we strike out like that, we just end up hurting ourselves.

    Bottomline - - she lost a good friend. She also lost two other friends who she may have thought would side with her, but they don't, and my kids won't speak to her either. After twenty-five years of having to drag her to the mirror to show her she's pretty, and having to buck her up constantly when she's told she's not qualified to take the simplest of jobs -- I'm done. I've suggested that she learn Xactimate, that she learn Excel, simple things to bring her skillsets up - - nothing. Crickets. She prefers her bottle of wine and her other whine - - not for me. I'm a doer, not a whiner. I'm a doer, not a wisher. I'm a doer, and that upsets her. She's a wisher, wanna-be; the type who sits back and spews at anyone who achieves. 

    Pettiness is ugliness. Don't be petty. If someone hurts you, write it off. If someone needs prayers...give them.  This too, shall pass. It's just going to pass a lot more positively and a lot less negatively.

    

Photo Credit: Fine Arts America

Going Green...ish.

     I still drive my car, and I use electricity, gas, water, all the things I'm probably not supposed to use if I'm truly saying that I'm going green, but here's the thing, I'm washing dishes by hand now. That has to count for something.

    For years (and years) I lived in apartments and houses that came with a built-in dishwasher, so why not use it right? Well, I did, and without fail, literally every single place I ever lived that had a dishwasher in it, had a bad dishwasher in it. I've never once been in a place where the dishwasher did its job and I didn't have to literally rinse and scrub the dishes before I put them into the machine. Why do that?

    This past month or so we had the ultimate happen to us, our dishwasher literally stopped and refused to go further. It had had enough. We've been in the unit for nearly eight years, but the machine was clearly older; it had a few missing prongs if you know what I mean. You had to dial the start thing to a certain point slowly if you expected it to work at all, and if you went over that tiny point, it wouldn't start. You had to try again, and again until you somehow made it happen. 

    When maintenance finally made it to our apartment their first line of action was to Jimmie-rig it until it clicked...didn't work. They tried to rewire something, didn't work. They finally decided to replace it. Several days later the man came back and he had a brand new in-the-box machine that was going to do the trick...until it didn't. He had to again rig it; the wires weren't the same. He tried to explain it to me, but my dad was an electrician and I wouldn't let the man try and fool me. I demanded that a licensed plumber come out and do the deed.  Maintenance said I could do that but I would have to pay for it. I challenged, I won. 

    When the plumber came out and set it up he did so professionally, but the machine was the wrong size and he wasn't going to be able to fit it correctly. Maintenance thought they could just stuff foam in between the wall and the dishwasher, and I refused to allow that as well. What people think they can get away with amazes me. Most folks won't stand up for themselves I guess. Nevertheless, his next move was to try and bolt the machine using brackets that would stick out and I could hurt myself when I wiped down the top of the cabinet. Again, no.

    They managed to get the machine to fit with some "blinders" or thin-looking material that would match the cabinets, but the machine wouldn't actually clean once we tried it. It spewed water and managed to melt the Cascade pellet, but the dishes were not clean. Not only were they not clean, they were drenching wet, as the new machine didn't have a means to dry the dishes, you had to open the door up and let them air dry....overnight. I called bull chips on all of it and just shut the door on the thing.

    We managed to do our own dishes while we waited for the new machine to show up, so we just decided to empty it, never again use it, and do our own dishes. It takes less than 4-5 minutes a day, and I can know 100% that they are actually clean. I can stack them next to the sink and dry them or let them dry, but it's my choice. I can't stand it when people try to wrangle me or make me do what they think I should do. I don't need to spend an hour of my day listening to the dishwasher, which probably charges my electric bill (I don't pay for water, that's in the rent) and I can save a few bucks each month.  Winner!

    It may only be a bit, but it is a bit. I find that because I use the same dishes over and over again now, I could probably go through my cabinets and get rid of cups, tumblers, dishes, plates, and even cutlery. I only use the ones I end up stacking by the sink! I think I do that because I put them away I'll just pick them back up again. I am going to move in the spring, and I will no doubt take very few things with me. I will probably end up with 4 dishes, 4 cups, 2 tumblers, and 2 sets of cutlery. Why have more than you can use? If someone comes over they can have the other set. I don't mind washing two dishes since I'm probably always going to just wash my own now anyway...Gramma was right; she said the dishwasher was a stupid invention for a family since dish time can be family time too.

Booyah! 

Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

Rumination!

     Ha! There's a word for it. The word "rumination" refers to the act of constantly thinking negative thoughts to the point of not being able to focus on a solution to whatever it was that had the person thinking negatively in the first place. The act of ruminating, over and over again actually causes and/or leads directly to depression and anxiety in some people. There are a number of articles on the matter, I only brought the subject up because I don't actually tend to ruminate, but I guessed correctly, that if someone did spend an inordinate amount of their time thinking negatively, there must be either a diagnosis for it, and at least a name for the action. 

    A person who overeats all the time is a glutton. A person who won't stop blaming others for things they themselves do is transferring. I love words, so I said to myself, I think there has to be a name for this particular action. If there is a name for it, there must also be a cure for it; something to counter the very action(s) that cause a person to be so damned harmful to themselves.

    I've just never been a depressed person. I've never been an anxious person. I don't ruminate on a usual or daily basis. I don't tend to transfer my thoughts of what I'm actually doing onto someone else so I can then blame that person for my own downfall; no, I tend to raise my own hand and own my own mistakes.  Have I ever been sad or depressed? Sure I have. I have been scared and anxious, but I am not going to stay that way. It's dangerous and I know it is.

     The reason I'm able to say I'm not really ever depressed or anxious should be quite obvious to anyone who knows me. I am a born-again Christian, and from a very very early age, I learned two facts: (1) Jesus loves me and (2) He can't lie.  If He loves me, and He does, He keeps me.  He protects me. He lets me make mistakes, but that's where the second fact comes into play. He promised me that He would show me a way to get out of whatever it is I have found myself in; or involved with.

    Jesus is a Way Maker. That's what and who He is. We don't have to worry about anything, literally anything at all. He will find someone to help and He will do so because He promised He would do so. If His Word commands us to leave every one of our burdens at His feet - - then it's every burden, not 68% of them. We can leave the big things of course, but we can leave the smaller things as well.

    To constantly say you're doomed, or nothing ever goes your way, is just pathetic and it's actually a sin if you're a Christian. No, people don't want to hear that. They don't want to hear that being immoral, unethical, or overly dramatic is a sin, but it is. When we don't wait on God, when we don't pray to Him for guidance, and then we (for some dumb reason) think things will work out, we're losing the very power He instilled in us from the day we accepted His power and salvation.

     It's a sin to keep things from Him. It's a sin to think we can do it all on our own without His help. It's literally a sin when we worry because He promised us that nothing was impossible for us through Him, but we do have to ASK. We can't expect Him to give us anything if we don't at least have the withal to ask for it. We have NOT because we ask NOT, but if we ask, He is faithful to give according to His will. Don't go around thinking it's OK to ask for the winning lottery tickets; use your brain.

    Ruminating starts for whatever reason, but we can stop it. Ruminating destroys. Why would someone knowingly and voluntarily do it? Because it's become their second nature; even their first nature. It's controlled them. They've allowed it to control them. They can't trust themselves enough to trust God; if they are a Christian. If they aren't Christians, they're ruminating through the maker of all things negative, and that's Satan. Find Jesus. Who in their right mind wouldn't want peace? To say it's a no-brainer is easy for me; maybe because I've never gotten into the habit of allowing trash to ruin my spirit. No, I'm not LUCKY....I'm blessed.

    When someone says "Good luck" to me, I know they mean well, but it's not luck. Luck is strictly driven by chance, and that's hapless; it's not solid, it's not reality. Don't wish me anything; pray for me. Ask God to protect me, ask Him to protect yourself. Ask Him to show you the way, the truth, and the path that is best to take to get out from under the weight that you've created for yourself. If you've only experienced bad things in your life, stop all the things you're doing that cause that. If that means getting away from the very people who oppress you, get out from under them. MOVE...and be with Jesus; He will never oppress you. He will never tell you that you are worthless. He will never undermine you. He will only lift you. 

    Again, it's a no-brainer, but those who are swimming in the molasses can't understand that the One who walks on water and calms the seas is the same One who created all the stars and He knows each by their name. Never does a single sparrow fall that He is not made aware of it; He knows me. He loves me. He will always provide for me. I can't be sad. I can't be anxious. I can't be bitter, and I will not give the deceiver a foot-hold in my life; not if I can help it. 

    When God uses me to help others I thank Him because He's gonna turn around and use them to help someone else in ways I can't.  He's gonna use someone else to bless me in ways I can't help them maybe, but it sparks something in me to help others in ways that I can. Don't be bitter if He calls on you to help; raise your head, your hands, and your heart and thank Him for being able to serve! He asked you for your help!! The God of the entire universe asked you to assist!! Can you imagine? I hope to be so blessed over and over again. 

    When you think about ruminating -- and I hope you never do; refocus your thoughts on these two facts: (1) Jesus loves you enough to die for you and (2) He cannot lie. He promised eternal life to anyone (anyone) who will ASK for it. 

Photo Credit: Rogers Behavior Health

Bay Sorrel Ranch (Planning) Plotting.

     It's Friday, and it hasn't been the best of days so far. I've seen better, and I am hoping for better still.  When it rains it pours, and I really don't like it because it's affecting my desire to sit and write out these chapters. It's not really raining, but all the downpour seems to be coming from life and the lives surrounding those I love. I am not going to let it stop me though. What I have decided to do is to step back and plan the book before I write it. Ha! Can't stop me! Nope! I'll even use these little setbacks as stories in the book  - so there!

    I sat down just now and wrote out what I think or want to happen in the first eight chapters of the book. Each chapter ranges from 2000-3000 words, so that could be upwards of 20,000 words planned out already. The book will be around 83,000-86,000 words, so I'm already getting the thing mapped out and ready to be picked at and pulled apart.  I think writing out what I think should happen will lend a great deal of strength to what I actually write; sort of like a springboard if you will.

    This book is a dramatic book. It's a regular novel. You pick it up, you read it. It's not meant to be anything more than entertainment, except it will give a bit of personal insight and opinion of what I experienced when I owned and boarded horses.  The main character will be basically based on me, but I have personally never had the money or withal to actually buy a 100+ acre horse ranch, and my books aren't (at this time) selling well enough to do the whole self-employed thing. It may happen, but I'm not there yet.

    The first chapters deal with the character herself, Julianna Leigh Armstrong, who goes by Jule, and she's about 55 years old. She is a mother, a grandmother, a Blue-Star Mom; she's a Christian, she's a survivor, and she's been through a lot. I may add a few things about her marriage, but I may skim over it. It was too many years ago to matter. She's dogmatic, dedicated, determined, and devoted. She's enthusiastic and energetic, but she's also cautious. She doesn't believe everything anyone says, in fact, it's quite the opposite. Because of her years as an insurance fraud investigator, she tends to dig into matters where others would leave it to the experts. Jule notifies the experts and provides them with evidence.

    The next few chapters deal with the barn she buys, the ranch, the acreage, the two houses on the premises, and even the livestock left by the original owners. Some of the boarders feel they should have a claim to some things, and there's a bit of drama over that as well as the way Jule and her daughter decide to run their new ranch. Hangers-on will be asked to leave, and when it becomes apparent that Jule needs to express herself in ways that cannot be argued with; she finally gets her point across. 

    I think the book will be a good one. It's going to at least attempt to shake the mentality of some of the younger set today with their privileged life expectations and their devil-may-care attitudes. Jule was raised in a solid home with parents and grandparents who wouldn't tolerate children being mouthy. She has raised her own children to be respectful even if no one else around her demonstrates those traits. The book will deal with the haves and have-nots, and how some people treat others. It will deal with and examine the way many horse people treat other horse and non-horse people, as well as the way they treat livestock.

    All in all, "Bay Sorrel Ranch" will be a good project for me to write, whether or not it ends up being a good book for others to read. I hope it is; I know I usually like what I write, and really, if I think about it, I'm the only audience I really concern myself with when it comes to actually writing. I love that others want to read my books, but I have to like them before I publish them. It has my name on it!!

    

Photo Credit: Me.  (This is Levi. He's a Bay Quarter/Morgan)

Bay Sorrel Ranch. (It has Begun) Chapter One is Done.

      I'm not going to try and outdo myself on this one in terms of speed. I'll just write every day and whatever happens will happen. I'm in between jobs again, (it seems to be a pattern for 2023) and thought I would just sort of crank out another novel. This one is a drama. It's not associated with the others, it's just sort of loosely designed the same as "Edinburgh" in that the characters will be friends, and I'm again using my own friends as guinea pigs because they really don't mind, and they have such diverse ways, means, and mannerisms. I could write a book on each one of them if I wanted to. 

    In this book Jule Armstrong, a character based on myself, is an Insurance Adjuster, and an author. She's also the owner of a newly opened horse ranch in Oklahoma County, just before you cross the County lines of Canadian County and Kingfisher County. It's up there in the Cashion, Crescent, far west end of Piedmont sort of - - we call it "No Man's Land" but it is becoming more populated. It was once only cattle and wheat but today there are more housing developments. The ranch survived quite a bit (in the book) and will be reopened as both a barn to facilitate English and Western riders, but it also be my character's daughter's place of residence and employment. She will be a Mustang horse trainer, a former barrel racer, and pole bender who refuses to give lessons. We have a trainer at the barn to give lessons, but that's going to be part of the plot so I won't say too much today.

    Jule has three kids, and I have three kids. She's younger than me, and therefore, her children are a bit younger as well. Her son Ethan Alexander Armstrong is a military man. He's a career enlisted sort that moves up in rank and volunteers for several overseas missions. Her daughter Melora Grace Armstrong is determined, dogged, and trustworthy. She's the barrel racer and trainer. Her other daughter (unnamed as of this date) will be the younger, and the more worldly, the traveler, the other writer in the family. She may be married, or she may have kids. I have no idea. I'll figure it out as I go.

    Bay Sorrel Ranch is a drama novel. It takes place mainly in Oklahoma but has flashbacks to a time when the characters moved to Indiana, and there will be a few European events that the characters recall.  The drama is horse-related for the most part. If you've never been inside a fast-paced competitive horse barn, you may not realize how the amount of drama that takes place in one day could fill a few pages in anyone's book. Girls can be the worst of the worst to themselves, to their "friends" as well as to their opponents or competition. If you've seen "Mean Girls" with Lindsay Lohan, you'll understand a bit of it. Think Mean Girls meets Rodeo, and then throw in a bit of murder, mayhem, muscle, and music. That's the storyline of Bay Sorrel Ranch.

    The name, by the way, comes from a joke.  Years ago, I told my daughter Laura I was going to open up a Mustang rescue ranch and call it the Bay Sorrel Ranch since all the horses we seemed to find to rescue were either bay or sorrel in color. For years we only had bay or sorrel horses!  It's also fun to say it's the "BS" ranch...you know, it's sort of along those lines too. Things happen that NO ONE would believe, and everyone has to imagine because it's right in front of their faces; sometimes on camera. I'm having fun. I've written the first chapter tonight, and I'll write again tomorrow after I run a few errands before noon. I think if I had to think about it, I could be finished by my birthday, which is also my new character's birthday, November 22. She'll turn 55. Such a baby!

Photo Credit: Me. This is not ours, but she's bay.