Graham Parke's Blog - Posts Tagged "interview"
2010's only novel without sexy vampires
Mr. Parke, my editor tells me that you’ve written a book that doesn’t feature a single vampire. Surely this is a miscommunication?
No, that's entirely correct.
So, you mean to say that you've written a self-help book?
No, it’s fiction. It just doesn’t have any vampires.
I’m not sure I understand. Are you telling us it doesn’t actually have a story?
There is a story, it’s just a story about people who are, each and every one of them, not vampires.
So, there are no action scenes, then, and no semi-erotic entanglements?
There are. Just not with vampires.
I have to say, that’s extraordinary. How did you come up with such an original concept?
It just came to me one day. I wrote it down and it worked.
Did you write the story first, and then take out all the vampires?
No. There were no vampires. Ever. Right from the first draft, it was entirely vampire-less.
Amazing. Now, while I applaud your originality on some level, I have to ask; who on earth do you intend to sell this to? Don’t you know that readers want vampires?
I think there are still readers out there who enjoy a good tale, even if it doesn’t have any vampires. Also, readers who enjoy vampire stories might not want to read All vampires, All the time. Sometimes, I suspect, they’ll take a break. That’s where ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ comes in.
Could you tell us something more about the book? For example, how many wizards are there and are they still in high school?
There are no wizards. I can’t stress this enough; No Hope for Gomez! has no wizards, no vampires, no world-weary wise cracking detectives, and no nihilistic characters complaining lengthily about things they supposedly don’t care about.
You are not making a lot of sense right now. Please tell me, weren’t you tempted to put in just one vampire? A little one? Somewhere at the end, maybe?
No. The story really didn’t need any.
I’m so sorry, Graham, I have to cut this interview short. You are obviously delusional and I’m going to make sure you get proper medical attention. Don’t worry, we’ll help you as best we can!
Onward to Part II
2010's only novel without sexy vampires -- part II
Back to the good ol' days of Part I.
Interview #2
Welcome back, Mr. Parke. I hope you’re feeling a little better today?
I feel drowsy…
That’s probably for the best. It means the medication is working. Do you feel we can continue the interview now?
I really don’t feel well.
That’s natural. Don't worry about it. The last time we spoke, you were going to tell us more about your novel. I for one, would like to know about dwarves and elves. How well are they represented in your novel and what do they signify to you?
Why am I tied to this chair?
It’s for your own protection. Now, if you could just try to concentrate. Most authors see dwarves as minor characters, with one obvious exception of course. How do you view this? Are dwarves doomed to play substandard roles in literature from now on?
Who are you?
Mr. Parke, please! Let’s just get through this, okay? I have a life to get back to. Stop playing dumb and stop drooling over my pad! Now, let’s examine some quotes from your novel ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ Maybe you can talk us through them.
“Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors. Further investigation is ongoing.”
“Instead of heading for the big mental breakdown, I decided to have a little one, every Tuesday evening.”
“It felt weird visiting Dr. Hargrove at the clinic. A bit like French kissing an old lady; all the right moves, but in totally the wrong places.”
A very obvious lack of dwarves here, which some might say is a sure sign of substandard writing. Do you have any comments?
I just… the room… it’s spinning so fast…
Maybe a few more quotes will help rouse your brain;
“The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.”
“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.”
"Women are attracted to men who play hard to get. That can’t be right, can it? Looking back over my life, I’ve played hard to get almost continuously. I’d ignored women intensely (to the point of being a danger to them in traffic). I’ve ignored them because I assumed I didn’t stand a chance."
Some very good places here for a vampire or two. Yet, you chose to leave these scenes curiously vampire-less. Were you just building up tension? Making the readers wait for the vampires?
Please… just kill me..
I can see we’re not going to get anywhere today, Mr. Parke. I’ll have the nurse come by and increase your medication. I’ll be back tomorrow.
Interview #2
Welcome back, Mr. Parke. I hope you’re feeling a little better today?
I feel drowsy…
That’s probably for the best. It means the medication is working. Do you feel we can continue the interview now?
I really don’t feel well.
That’s natural. Don't worry about it. The last time we spoke, you were going to tell us more about your novel. I for one, would like to know about dwarves and elves. How well are they represented in your novel and what do they signify to you?
Why am I tied to this chair?
It’s for your own protection. Now, if you could just try to concentrate. Most authors see dwarves as minor characters, with one obvious exception of course. How do you view this? Are dwarves doomed to play substandard roles in literature from now on?
Who are you?
Mr. Parke, please! Let’s just get through this, okay? I have a life to get back to. Stop playing dumb and stop drooling over my pad! Now, let’s examine some quotes from your novel ‘No Hope for Gomez!’ Maybe you can talk us through them.
“Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors. Further investigation is ongoing.”
“Instead of heading for the big mental breakdown, I decided to have a little one, every Tuesday evening.”
“It felt weird visiting Dr. Hargrove at the clinic. A bit like French kissing an old lady; all the right moves, but in totally the wrong places.”
A very obvious lack of dwarves here, which some might say is a sure sign of substandard writing. Do you have any comments?
I just… the room… it’s spinning so fast…
Maybe a few more quotes will help rouse your brain;
“The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.”
“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.”
"Women are attracted to men who play hard to get. That can’t be right, can it? Looking back over my life, I’ve played hard to get almost continuously. I’d ignored women intensely (to the point of being a danger to them in traffic). I’ve ignored them because I assumed I didn’t stand a chance."
Some very good places here for a vampire or two. Yet, you chose to leave these scenes curiously vampire-less. Were you just building up tension? Making the readers wait for the vampires?
Please… just kill me..
I can see we’re not going to get anywhere today, Mr. Parke. I’ll have the nurse come by and increase your medication. I’ll be back tomorrow.
Rejection Letter Blues?
Beyond the Books interviews Graham Parke on the darker aspects of writing:
How do rejection letters make you feel and what do you do to overcome the blows?
[Graham:] Well, by the time you receive a rejection letter, five more queries need to be out the door. And, as each query is obviously more brilliant than the last, carrying with it much more of that unrejectable quality that you’ve been developing, your hopes are set on those. The actual rejections, well, those were just practice queries. If you’re lucky, you get a personalized rejection. These will help you fine-tune new query letters, or even, if necessary, the novel itself.
Read the entire interview on Beyond the Books.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
How do rejection letters make you feel and what do you do to overcome the blows?
[Graham:] Well, by the time you receive a rejection letter, five more queries need to be out the door. And, as each query is obviously more brilliant than the last, carrying with it much more of that unrejectable quality that you’ve been developing, your hopes are set on those. The actual rejections, well, those were just practice queries. If you’re lucky, you get a personalized rejection. These will help you fine-tune new query letters, or even, if necessary, the novel itself.
Read the entire interview on Beyond the Books.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
Importance of Palm Trees
What do you want readers to take away from reading 'No Hope for Gomez!' ?
My ideal reader sits in the shade of a palm-tree, sipping a colorful cocktail, giggling away happily. As soon as he’s finished reading, though, he realizes that his mind is ruined forever. But by then it’s too late.
Read the entire interview on Blog Critics.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
My ideal reader sits in the shade of a palm-tree, sipping a colorful cocktail, giggling away happily. As soon as he’s finished reading, though, he realizes that his mind is ruined forever. But by then it’s too late.
Read the entire interview on Blog Critics.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
Ausies Rock!
Publishing is a difficult business at the best of times and, as you know, few authors ever make it without at least one glowing Australian review. Here now is my first Australian review. Fingers crossed!
"It was so much fun and a complete joy to read Graham’s book, and interview answers! [...:] I had to stop myself from snorting with laughter in public a couple of times."
"No hope for Gomez!, written by Graham Parke, is a brilliantly funny look into the life of an average guy, living an average life, except for the fact he’s part of a mysterious drug trail that may or may not have deadly side effects [...:] Gomez takes most of this in stride, and continues along the path of true love with the sexy Dr Hargrove by agreeing to become her ’stalker-stalker’. Through reading Gomez’s online blog, we are given a very intimate rollercoaster ride through his life, and, to be honest, I’m still not sure where exactly where I am after getting off it! It was worth every twist and turn, though."
Read the review and interview on Open Book Society.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
"It was so much fun and a complete joy to read Graham’s book, and interview answers! [...:] I had to stop myself from snorting with laughter in public a couple of times."
"No hope for Gomez!, written by Graham Parke, is a brilliantly funny look into the life of an average guy, living an average life, except for the fact he’s part of a mysterious drug trail that may or may not have deadly side effects [...:] Gomez takes most of this in stride, and continues along the path of true love with the sexy Dr Hargrove by agreeing to become her ’stalker-stalker’. Through reading Gomez’s online blog, we are given a very intimate rollercoaster ride through his life, and, to be honest, I’m still not sure where exactly where I am after getting off it! It was worth every twist and turn, though."
Read the review and interview on Open Book Society.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
Delusions of Plot and Character
OBS: For me, your secondary characters- particularly Hicks, Warren and the Sombrero guy- bring an almost otherworldly, fantastical feel to the story – what were your influences to create those characters?
Graham Parke: I think that’s life, really. I am often amazed by what life decides to do to me and how it circumvents any plans I’m making with terrifying ease. The things these characters do to Gomez, that’s how I feel most of the time; bewildered and wanting to pull someone on the sleeve to ask, “Okay, so, what was that all about?”
OBS: The way you keep the reader on their toes, trying to decipher what is reality and what is fantasy, is amazing – did you have a clear vision of how this story would end? Or were you dragged along for the ride as well?
Graham Parke: I had a vague idea when I started. I knew bits from the beginning, the middle, and the end. I wasn’t too sure how I would get from one to the other, though. And, as it turns out, what little I knew was wrong anyway.
As soon as the beginning of a tale gets more detail, you gain a better understanding of the middle. As soon as the middle gets more detail, you realize why the ending will never work. In any way, shape, or form. I’ve come to believe that the only real value in thinking you know where a story is headed, is the delusion that you have an ending to fall back on if the real one fails to reveal itself.
Read the entire interview on Open Book Society.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
Graham Parke: I think that’s life, really. I am often amazed by what life decides to do to me and how it circumvents any plans I’m making with terrifying ease. The things these characters do to Gomez, that’s how I feel most of the time; bewildered and wanting to pull someone on the sleeve to ask, “Okay, so, what was that all about?”
OBS: The way you keep the reader on their toes, trying to decipher what is reality and what is fantasy, is amazing – did you have a clear vision of how this story would end? Or were you dragged along for the ride as well?
Graham Parke: I had a vague idea when I started. I knew bits from the beginning, the middle, and the end. I wasn’t too sure how I would get from one to the other, though. And, as it turns out, what little I knew was wrong anyway.
As soon as the beginning of a tale gets more detail, you gain a better understanding of the middle. As soon as the middle gets more detail, you realize why the ending will never work. In any way, shape, or form. I’ve come to believe that the only real value in thinking you know where a story is headed, is the delusion that you have an ending to fall back on if the real one fails to reveal itself.
Read the entire interview on Open Book Society.
No Hope for Gomez!
Free give-away NoDate:
If you like this book, you might also like… a couple of women??
I’m all for suggestions. My life would be far less interesting if not for the constant suggestions I receive about getting up in the morning.
Amazon enriches my life by making hundreds of irrelevant reading suggestions for me to sift through in search of that one little gem (think of it as the Amazon Easter Hunt). But none of these suggestions can top the auto generated one – I presume – that I discovered under my latest interview. The way the page is set up, it seems to suggest that, after the reader picks up a copy of my novel, they might also enjoy a couple of women. It even shows selected pictures.
Of course, if I was less of an insensitive bastard, I might assume that these are actually author pictures and that the site is merely suggesting checking out their novels. But, as I’m not, and we clearly see women and not book covers, I will assume no such thing. Assumptions can be dangerous.
So, instead, I worry about how these suggestions are generated. Are these women selected according to carefully weighed criteria? I mean, not every woman goes equally well with each book, right? I don’t want readers to be put off my book simply because the woman they got with it was too winy. Or wore too much makeup. Or forgot to put the toilet seat back up. Similarly, I don’t think I’d want these women to be too spectacular. There has to be some balance. I mean, who’s going to read a book when there’s a spectacular women waiting for them to put it down?
This new trend has me very worried.
Find the interview here.
Amazon enriches my life by making hundreds of irrelevant reading suggestions for me to sift through in search of that one little gem (think of it as the Amazon Easter Hunt). But none of these suggestions can top the auto generated one – I presume – that I discovered under my latest interview. The way the page is set up, it seems to suggest that, after the reader picks up a copy of my novel, they might also enjoy a couple of women. It even shows selected pictures.
Of course, if I was less of an insensitive bastard, I might assume that these are actually author pictures and that the site is merely suggesting checking out their novels. But, as I’m not, and we clearly see women and not book covers, I will assume no such thing. Assumptions can be dangerous.
So, instead, I worry about how these suggestions are generated. Are these women selected according to carefully weighed criteria? I mean, not every woman goes equally well with each book, right? I don’t want readers to be put off my book simply because the woman they got with it was too winy. Or wore too much makeup. Or forgot to put the toilet seat back up. Similarly, I don’t think I’d want these women to be too spectacular. There has to be some balance. I mean, who’s going to read a book when there’s a spectacular women waiting for them to put it down?
This new trend has me very worried.
Find the interview here.
Book Promotion for Sissies...
What is the first thing you did to promote your book?
[Graham:] The first thing I did was tell my mother. She has a vast network of avid readers (at time of writing, it topped over six whole people!).
Another thing I did was get my website ready. It looked crappy, like it was designed by a six year old. With one hand tied behind his back. so I made new graphics, changed the layout, consulted with an artist friend of mine, and now the site looks as though it was designed by at least a twelve year old. So that’s a 100 percent increase!
I also incorporated a forum. This way I’ll be able to communicate with readers, and they will also be able to communicate with each other. Which is bound to be more interesting for them.
Find the interview here.
[Graham:] The first thing I did was tell my mother. She has a vast network of avid readers (at time of writing, it topped over six whole people!).
Another thing I did was get my website ready. It looked crappy, like it was designed by a six year old. With one hand tied behind his back. so I made new graphics, changed the layout, consulted with an artist friend of mine, and now the site looks as though it was designed by at least a twelve year old. So that’s a 100 percent increase!
I also incorporated a forum. This way I’ll be able to communicate with readers, and they will also be able to communicate with each other. Which is bound to be more interesting for them.
Find the interview here.
To Do or Not To Do...
What’s on your to do list today?
I’ve recently started making daily lists because the spill-over from the Everything-that-still-needs-to-be-done-immediately list became so large that I started ignoring it. (Don’t get me wrong, most items on the daily list still get ignored – afternoon-Graham doesn’t put much stock in morning-Graham’s views of the world!)
Tell us a secret no one else knows.
I know what the appendix is actually for.
Read the interview here.
