Nikko Lee's Blog, page 6
February 1, 2018
Nasty Bits
Based off of a writing prompt. Too much horror for a crime/mystery flash fiction?
"On the thirteenth alligator gizzard she opened with her scalpel, out poured a dazzling array of cabochon-cut star sapphires, mingled with mud, grit, and a rotting human finger."
It wasn't the first time Angel had found a piece of something formerly living inside a gizzard. Nasty bits, Grandmama Leclare used to call them when Angel used to helped her prepared for the meat for the fryer. Gators collected all sorts of debris from ballast stones to half-digested animal parts. People weren't much more than animals that had managed to crawl out of the swamp anyways.
Working as a veterinary technician in Bon Ami, Louisiana, Angel had confirmed the death of more than one four-legged companion by gutting the gator a grieving owner was convinced had done the deed. She had never found anything of value among the grit and mud until she started baiting her own lines.
The sapphires were muddy pools of tears caught the light from her headlamp. Jerry was going to be pissed she'd found them. Those pretty little gems where supposed to be his ticket - their ticket - out of the swamps. Instead, they had sunk Angel's dreams of a better life for the three of them.
Angel stuffed the cold stones into the pocket of her blood-covered apron. She picked up the small finger and examined its disintegrating flesh and glistening white bone. It was nothing like a cat or dog leg. The joints curled around her own finger, a disembodied muscle memory.
First she would strip and dry the bones before adding them to the box that held Charlie's baby teeth. She have to set more traps, but at least she knew she was trapping in the right area. In a hundred days, even the larger bones would be completely digested and she would give up. Angel considered using bigger chunks as bait, but there was only so much of Jerry left.
January 9, 2018
Reprints in the new year
Great news for the new year. I've found two differnt publishers to re-release Spar and Wolf Creek. Look for them in the coming new year.
Now if I could only finish off Safe Word. I still love the story and the characters, but my lack of research ahead of writing has left me at an impass. Either I complete re-write one character and most of her scenes or I aim for a different market that won't look too closely at the morgue scenes.
December 26, 2017
Baby, it's cold outside
There's a saying that there is no bad weather just poor dress. We might be putting that adage to the test this week as the northeast if plunged into the deep freeze and daycare is off for the holidays. My senior snow dog is growing less fond of the cold with each passing year. He's good until about 20F below which he's content to curl up in the living room or garage if the house is too hot.
I used to think that getting myself layered up was a chore. Now with two little ones to wrangle into winter gear, it's a whole other ball game. Still my daughter and I went outside today to roll around in the snow, pretend to climb mountains and break trail from the house to the yard.
There's nothing quite as refreshing as getting outside in the dead of winter. I need to add new snow pants to my must have list and a sled for my three year old. I'm tempted to get a double sled, but my dogs pulling years are behind him and I'm not sure I'd enjoy dragging two along.
Some days we all make it out including the dog, which is a site to see. I complain about the cold and snow until I get dressed properly and just get out there. I keep an eye on their exposed skin and don't travel too far from home. In a few more years, they'll be ready for skiing, snowshoeing and winter hiking.
For now, just walking the dog is adventure enough.
December 14, 2017
Tiny Tyrant
Wake up. Go to sleep. Wake up.
My toddler play this game whenever I'm tired and put my head down to rest. She wants me to be wake up.
I don't want to be alone.
I hear as I take three steps away from her.
I want to come with you.
A familiar refrain as I try to accomplish any task out of sight of my daughter.
Don't leave. I want to snuggle.
My attempts to leave her after a good-night kiss are met with this seemingly innocent request and often accompanied by claims of monsters.
Save me.
I want to eat on your lap.
Not that cup. The green cup with the blue lid. Not that one.
Put PJs right back on.
Life with a toddler means constant demands, a good chance of a mess and infinite possibilities for sweetness and laughter.
I'm going to push you over.
She laughs and whether I like it or not, my daughter is determined to make it happen.
December 4, 2017
Hiking with kids: Great Pond Mountain
When getting out of the house is a work out in itself, hikes need to be close and easy. This means that Blue Hill Mountain and Great Pond Mountain Preserve have become go to hiking areas.
This weekend I joined a couple of friends with my 3 and 1 year old in tow to hike the Great Pond Mountain trail. My 1 year old got the coveted seat in the backpack forcing my 3 year old to move - mostly - under her own power.
After everyone was out of the car and into their coats, hats, mitts, etc. we started up a short stair case. My daughter often likes to hold my hand as she walks. It can be a little awkward, but I can keep her up when she stumbles.
This day there was no leaving the car drama, which meant that the first few minutes of the hike were the best. My daughter was motivated to keep up with us even with her short little legs and clunky snow pants. Then she started to lag.
To get up a steep incline, I managed to hoist her onto my shoulders without squishing my son. However, 60 lbs of weight made the uphill an excellent workout for me. Once up the hill she was back on her own two feet.
I'd periodically look back to make sure I know where she was. At one point, I looked back to see her off the trail leaning on a tree. The deep leaves and uneven ground brought her to a stand still. Mom to the rescue. I got her back on the trail only to find her kneeling in the trail 5 minutes later.
When I threatened to turn around, she wanted to go forward. When I wanted to go forward, she wanted to crawl or roll or do anything but walk on the trail.
Hiking with small children is so frustrating, but it also reminds me that the purpose isn't making a destination but enjoying the outdoors. So we wandered. We jumped off of rocks. We pretend to pull each other out of holes with imaginary rope.
Finally, we decided we needed to get back to the car for a snack. We touched blazes. We jumped off of rocks. We enjoyed more closeness as I carried her - a times upside down - and just had fun being outside without marking summits or miles.
November 16, 2017
Anxiety is a thief
When I was a young teenager, my mother sat me down for the 'talk'. No, not the birds and the bees talk. This talk was about mental illness and how common it was in our family.
Depression. Anxiety. Anti-social behaviors. Schizophrenia.
Being a psychiatric nurse, my mother knew how important it was to look for warning signs with the knowledge that mental-illness can be treated and managed.
Although I struggled with most social interactions and have experienced some depressive episodes, I always thought that my anxieties were well-managed without medication. As long as I exercised regularly and my good days vastly outnumbered my down days, I figured I was doing good.
Post-partum with my first child was brutal. The combination of hormonal fluctuations, new motherhood and a baby that wouldn't latch kead me to a place of anxiety that bordered on obsession. Returning to work and time helped me re-establish my equilibrium.
Now that my daughter is 3 years old and starting to encounter social situations that she shies away from, I wonder about the cost of anxiety.
Most people feel some kind of anxiety. It can actually be positive when it moves you to improve yourself and the situation. But anxiety can also be a thief.
I don't want my daughter to miss out because she doesn't want to talk to anyone or she doesn't want to get out of her stroller or carrier.
It's made me wonder what I've missed out on because of my anxiety.
What people have I not talked to because I didn't want to stay at a social engagement where I didn't know anyone?
What opportunities have I passed on because I didn't think I could succeed at them?
What learning experiences have I let pass by because I was did not want to extend myself too far from my comfort zone?
Anxiety is insidious in how it re-shapes your thinking. It convinces you that you really aren't qualified for that job you want to apply for. It tells you that no one really wants to read your writing. It makes you believe that you really don't like to be around people because it's too stressful.
Being a parent allows you to see your life from the outside as you watch your child exhibit behaviors that you might have as well.
I want my daughter to know that it's okay to be quiet and observe or be on her own. But it should be a choice motivated by desire not fear.
October 12, 2017
Just in time for Halloween
Bouillon de Bebe is included in the Bon Appetit Anthology. Check it out:
-In Bouillon de Bébé, a family’s twisted tradition of self-sacrifice
contains the power to bring their loved ones back from the brink.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07699CF49
September 22, 2017
Yellow-Eyed Monster
There's a monster.
I can't see it, only those glowing yellow-eyes.
They whisper to me
"You are wrong."
"You can't do it."
"You don't deserve it."
That insidious voice echoes in my head until all I want to do is hide.
Safe within my comfort zones, waiting for it to leave.
But it doesn't.
It only withdraws into the forest and the dark.
Waiting.
When I've had little sleep or my children are being challenging or I am reaching beyond my comfort zone, I feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that my goals and aspirations are worth the risk of failure.
Failing is normal. It is good. Failure is a learning experience.
Not risking failure might feel more comfortable, but it will leaving me with only regret.
September 20, 2017
Blah blah blah blah
This fall has afforded me the opportunity to return to one of my favorite activities: teaching. I'm currently teaching an intro Anatomy and Physiology class at a local community college.
It's been a while since I attended lectures. I remember how hard they were to sit through and how much information gets dumped on students. While I try to vary class activities some, most lectures are just that – lectures
Even I get tired of speaking about a while. So I can completely synpathesis with the students finding it hard to stay awake for an 8AM class that's info dense.
I just hope that they don't hear Charlie Brown's teacher when I'm talking.
Nothing new to report on the writing front. I resubmitted Wolf Creek and Spar to different publishers and am patiently waiting for a response. Bouillon de Bebe is being reprinted in a Halloween anthology next month.
August 22, 2017
Life never stops
Just a general update in case some one wanders by and wonders where I am.
I'm here. I think, mostly. Life is busier than ever. I've resubmitted Wolf Creek and Spar to new publishers. I've started teaching an Anatomy and Physiology course at a local community college. I'm still working full-time. I still have two small children who refuse to go to sleep on their own.
Needless to say, no writing is being done. But I am reading Widowmaker by Paul Doiron in my spare moments. I've also found my next non-fiction to read, Dead Mountain. Something about the perilous wilds attracts my imagination.
My thoughts are with the residents of Texas and Louisianna as they face their very own and deadly disaster. It's unimaginable the amount of water that's accumulating. It also reminds me that living on the coast brings it's own possible dangers and that I need to make sure my family is prepared.