Nikko Lee's Blog, page 4

February 26, 2019

Research rabbit holes and procrastination

Procrastination takes many forms, from cleaning the house to relentless outlining. With my current non-fiction project about the history of my family farm, I've discovered another place for procrastination and anxiety to hide. Research.


Of course research is a valuable part of writing. For Safe Word, I had to research medical examiner protocols and police proceedures. With the farm history, I have so many resources to find out as much as I can about the initial land sales and lives of the people who built the farm. Some of my favorite finds are the surveyor notes from 1794 describing marking out the boundaries of the lots on which the farm was built.


There's land rights, general history of the times, old newspapers, lawyer's notes, and so many genealogy trees to detail.


All of this means that when I get a spare minute of two, I can do some digital digging. However, I have more than enough information to write a first draft. What I'm lacking is time. This morning's efforts to get up early to write were thwarted by a sick child who was up every 2 hours.


But there's also a nagging worry that I won't be able to produce a work that accurately documents almost 200 years of history and dozens of people's lives. Some I knew and so many other's are familiar to me by reading accounts of their comings and goings in the papers or listening to the few family stories passed on to me.


The only thing that overrides the fear of failure is the fear of not doing anything at all. So I press on, stealing moments here and there, hoping that before long I will have time to write.

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Published on February 26, 2019 05:01

January 28, 2019

Novel 101 and rejection

This past weekend I attended a Novel 101 presentation by Cynthia Thayer. I've attended her courses and talks before and really enjoy listening to her talk about the craft of writing. I never get bored of reviewing the basics. It's funny how understanding a concept if only one level; implementing it is another matter all together. I particularly liked the discussion about the crisis point.


Often when I start a book, I have in mind a character with a flaw or challenge that needs to be overcome so that they can move forward in their life. The whole first three-quarters of the book is all about leading up to that moment when they must make a decision or choice that at the beginning of the book they would have picked path A, but now after their newly gained experience they chose path B. It may be for the betterment of the character and their relationships or it might lead them down a road towards being the villain.


Because I write in multiple points of view (at least two for romances), each character has to have this challenge/crisis/change arc. I love forcing my characters to grow and overcome their flaws. But it has to be earned and hard. So hard that the reader doubts the character will overcome even if that's what the reader is rooting for.


With Safe Word, my main character Jacob is an egotistical, controlling man who feels that he must maintain control at all times. Control over himself, his relationship with his clients and the women he enters into BDSM relationships with. Because of his past experiences, he feels it's the only way he can ensure his partner's happiness. The novel gradually takes him on a journey to realize that he must surrender that control because it is an illusion.


About Safe Word... I was encouraged to get a full manuscript request. Alas, it was found to be lacking. I received the criticism that I expect and dread at the same time, that the writing is 'just not there'. There being a professional quality that would make the novel appealing to a mass market. The next day I received another rejection letter from an agent who I had given up on hearing anything positive back from.


These rejections both inspire the desire to quit and the desire to improve. Unfortunately, my time to write is extremely limited. I'm not sure if Safe Word is destined for the trunk or maybe in a few years when the kids are older I'll be able to devote the time needed to improve it.


Often I doubt my ability to write and my keyboard gets neglected. Then a character starts whispering in my ear 'write me'. I love the craft of writing, I just need a lot more practice and growth to get 'there'.

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Published on January 28, 2019 11:38

January 24, 2019

Writing resolutions for 2019

So I'm a little late the new year's writing resolutions. It's a good time to take stock and make goals for the coming year. Life is always so busy and it's easy to put writing on the back burner with a full time job, long commute and two small children. I've got so many writing projects on the go that I hope to complete or advance by the end of the year. It's going to take a small miracle and no end of determination.


Resolutions:



Set aside one hour a week to be out of the house working on writing.
Attend an author talk, writing workshop or conference once a month.
Re-write the sequel for Wolf Creek 2 and submit it.
Publish Safe Word.
Write a nonfiction history of the family farm and Knowlton family.

I've already missed one writing hour due to a sick kid, but I hope to make the time this week. Cynthia Thayer is giving a Novel 101 talk in Belfast this weekend, so I'm getting a jump on #2. Resolution #3 is my main focus for my one hour writing time. I'm not sure that will be enough time to get it in submission shape by the end of the year, but that's the time I've negotiated. I do have a full manuscript request on Safe Word, but if that doesn't pan out I may have to re-write the ending as a romance to open up another market for submissions.

The last resolution has been my research obsession for the last few weeks. I'm at the point where I need to bring the research together into a first draft while I wait on copyright permissions and a variety of contacts to get back to me.

What are your writing goals for 2019?

 

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Published on January 24, 2019 05:00

December 27, 2018

Writing romance in the age of #MeToo


My great-grandmothers used to exchange trashy romance novels. The dated covers and titles spoke of the two roles that women were relegated too in early romance novels. They were either pure-hearted virgins who needed a man to make awaken them sexually or scandalous harlots who needed a man to make an honest woman out of them.


I've been reading and writing romance and erotica for over twenty years now. While forbidden romance is always sexy, I'm glad to say goodbye to the two traditional roles for female characters and some horrible romance tropes.


These include:



Women who are passive recipients for the sexual pleasures of men
Men who force themselves on their supposed romantic interest because they cannot control their lust

Consent in romantic fiction is often implied. A good romance author will reveal to the reader the intents and desires of their characters on both - or multiple - sides of the romance. When done poorly, scenes that should be thrilling come off as creepy.

Someone said the only difference between a romance and a horror movie is the score. It's so true. So many romance films involve stalking, obsession and often unprompted displays of physical affection.

Fortunately, romance writing has evolved with the times. I find myself having characters state consent or ask for it explicitly. Done right, it adds to the tension of the scene.

What romance tropes are you ready to leave behind?
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Published on December 27, 2018 05:19

December 6, 2018

The wonderfully crappy first draft

November has come to an end and so has my first draft of Wolf Bane, the sequel to Wolf Creek. Despite limited writing time, pestering children and holiday preparations, I managed to eek out 50,000 words. Furthermore, I was able to get to the end of my outline. Add the 7500 words I had already written and I've got a good first draft.


Done.


Not exactly. Even while writing I could see the numerous plot holes, character inconsistencies, and scant descriptions. Andrea disappears for about a third of the novel. Everyone's romance is way too easy.


But that's the beauty of the first draft. It can be as horrible as it needs to be as long as I get to the end and have something to edit.


The next phase of writing will be to redo my outline - did I mention I added in a few POV's? Then rebuild it so that I've got a story that actually makes sense.


While writing, my brain was consumed with other potential novels and writing projects. December will be a break as real life takes over once again. In the New Year, I'm determined to set aside some time each week to write. Thanks to some writing partners I might actually get out of the house and write.

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Published on December 06, 2018 09:59

November 6, 2018

NaNoWriMo is here!

It's November. Clocks fall back. Turkeys get nervous. And authors put as much of their lives aside to devote their free time to writing.


I haven't done NaNoWriMo in a couple of years due to having 2 fall babies in a row. Now that they are 4 and 2, I am determined to get some writing done this month. Unfortunately, that means finding really creative times to write. I've got weekly write-ins organized at the local libraries. I'm trying to fight my motion sickness predilection to write during my commute. There's about 30 minutes between the time I go to bed and really should be going to sleep.


My project this year is the sequel to Wolf Creek where Josh gets his romantic interest and discovers this alpha heritage.


If you are writing this month, write on!


If you know someone who is, give them a brownie and leave them alone.

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Published on November 06, 2018 09:43

October 11, 2018

Kidney Pond to Little Niagara: Hike/paddle


Our daycare is closed for a week and a half mid-August, which means it's family vacation time. Our favorite hiking spot has been Baxter state park and our favorite camping spot Wilderness Edge campground (no charge for kids under 12 and they have screen cabins).


Camping with small children is not for the faint or heart or those who enjoy relaxation and sleep. We are realisitic in our hiking plan considering there will be lots of carrying of children. After reading Aislinn Sarnacki's description of her hike and paddle from Kidney Pond to the Niagara falls in BSP, I was determined to try it with the kids. Fortunately, my husband was also up for the challenge after a day of hiking Katahdin.


When we picked up the key for the Lily Pond canoes at Kidney Pond, the ranger suggested we paddle across Kidney Pond. Ambitious me wanted to hike. However, I forgot how rocky the first section of the Kidney Pond trail is. Without poles and my daughter wanting to walk, the first mile was an agonizingly slow trek. However, we were rewarded with an enjoyable paddle once we reached Lily pond.


The found the docking site at the trail head for Little Niagara after spotting a tiny wooden arrow on a tree and had a snack before heading off on foot to the falls.



Unfortunately, I forgot the cardinal rule when hiking with children - they want to be carried when you least want to carry them. We set off with only one of the two carriers and in short order both children wanted me - and only me - to carry them. We made it to the Little Niagara falls before I realized that we also needed to get back. My husband went on ahead to get the other carrier while I struggled with the two.



I was surprised at how much the kids loved being in the canoe. No one fell in and we didn't tip over, which is a win in my books. The trek back to Kidney Pond was capped off with my daughter insisting on walking that last half mile of the rockiest terrain bare-footed.


All in all a great trip although I'd recommend paddling Kidney Pond.


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Published on October 11, 2018 08:09

September 18, 2018

Part of me never escaped

Warning: discussion of abuse


 


I have that dream again. The one where I've finally managed to break up with my emotionally abusive ex and can finally start putting the pieces of my life back together again. It's a dream I've had countless times since I drove him to Bangor and put him onto a plane out of my life. The details are different, but the themes are the same.


This time I'm cleaning up my old apartment, one that I haven't lived in since I was with him. There's stuff everywhere. It's a mess. But I'm confident that I can get things cleaned up. Then my ex shows up and won't go away.


Even though it's been 11 years and the relationship only lasted 3 years, it left a scare on my soul. I will never forget the confusion imposed by constant gaslighting. Those endless nights of crying, not knowing what to believe anymore. Feeling like this was my fault because of the choices I'd made or some fatal flaw within myself that couldn't just make things work.


There was the night I called 911 because he wouldn't let me leave then explained to the police officers that he just wanted a number on my cell phone.


Or the time he threatened to return my cats to the shelter if I couldn't work things out with him.


There were the subtle and not so subtle ways he tried to control me. From sexist jokes to convincing me that my friends and family hated him.


Mostly I've moved on. I have a great life with a loving husband who respects my autonomy and two cuddle demanding children. That is aside from the occasional panic attack when I think I've seen him or the crushing weight of remembering all I went through.


I did learn some lessons.


1. Anyone who makes you cry more than you smile is not good for you.


2. Anyone who tries to physically stop you from leaving doesn't respect you.


3. Someone who has been caught lying has no incentive to tell the truth.


I'm not sure what triggered the dream this time. I think it has to do with Blaise Ford's description of her assault and her willingness to stand before a body of people - more than half of whom have a vested interest in ripping her life to shreds - and defend her truth.


You never forget when you think someone might kill you. Part of you is still there, will always be there in that moment when you realized that your fate was in the hands of someone who will take pleasure in hurting you. 

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Published on September 18, 2018 16:12

August 27, 2018

Mt. Washington Autoroute: Kid Speed


Last month, we packed up the kids and headed to the White Mountains. In passed years, we've hiked Tuckerman's Ravine and the Seven Husband's trail. This year with an almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old, I stayed with the kids while my husband and some friends hiked Tuckerman's Ravine.


Instead of hiking, I loaded the kids, some snacks, drinks and some warm clothes and we headed up the autoroute. It felt like cheating as we climbed mile after mile at a snails pace listening to the tour CD. Soon the road grew steeper and the forest gave way to rock. The sun glinted off the mica and the fog lifted from the valleys.


We were nearly to the top when the paved road ended and we kept driving pulling aside for those in more of a hurry.


The record is something like 7 minutes by car, it took up nearly half an hour. At the summit, I was glad to have brought extra layers of clothings as it was a good 15 degrees cooler than at the base. The kids and I explored around the summit, watched the cog train depart and went inside for a snack and to wait for my husband and his friends.


 


They arrived shortly after we did. We shared lunch before they headed down the trail and I loaded up the car. Ten minutes of crying later, both kids had passed out and I enjoyed a quiet ride home.


There will be many hiking years ahead of us. For now, I'm adventuring on kid speed whether by car or tiny toddler steps.


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Published on August 27, 2018 09:09

August 10, 2018

Unheard voices: what we lose when we don't prioritize diversity

Yesterday I read a blog post by a well-respected and published author where he railed against diversity for diversity's sake at the expense of quality cis white male authors such as himself. The post was overall tone deaf about the issue of diversity and – as you can imagine – the comments in reply ranged from 'amen, brother' to 'how dare you'?


I came down on the fence, politely pointing out that the drive behind diversity in writing, science, etc. is not equal numbers at the expense of quality, but a realization that the system we've developed excludes many voices that have quality ideas that can enrich our overall experience.


The reality is that there is only one person who can win an award or a handful that can be nominated. So, yeah, maybe if a person from an under-represented group wins an award it means that the old, white, guy who was also nominated loses. Is that really a problem?


No one is advocating that minority status entitled anyone to a free pass. We are in a moment where numerous entertainment and academic avenues are taking a serious look at their lack of diversity and asking why?


In the case of fiction publishing or science, the lack of diversity in the fields stems from a lack of opportunity at the entry levels. Institutions and organizations are taking a hard look at their representation because it reflects a lack of open doors and support at the most fundamental entry points.


A friend asked me how I – a white cis woman – can write gay erotica. I expressed my reservations about writing from a view point outside of my own experience. I struggled with it when I published Wolf Creek and Spar. A gay man would be better able write about their own experiences, but they wouldn't be writing my stories. They would be writing their own.


A cis white male has every right to write a romance with a female main character. But how much more could a woman bring to that story? An African-American woman? An illegal immigrant woman fleeing gang violence with her children in search of a better life?


While the skill of a writer can allow them to get into the shoes of their characters – whoever they are – the story written will not be the same as one written by an author with different life experiences.


The whole blog post and subsequent debate really struck me as mirroring a powerful discussion we are having in the USA about the value of immigrants, diversity and race. A diverse population brings forth new ideas, challenges and experiences to the betterment of all. And yes, that means fewer white male everythings. But if their work is truly that good, it will not be pushed aside for the sake of diversity but honored as another voice in our rich tapestry.

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Published on August 10, 2018 09:42