Jon Acuff's Blog, page 167

Josh Hamilton

Even if you're a Yankees fan, you had to see last Friday night coming. Sure, I've long enjoyed the glory Yankee greats like A-Rod and Derek Jeter have spoken back on Jesus Christ upon winning the World Series, cue Yankee fans who list the Christians I didn't know where on the team, but at least in this round of the playoffs, there was no stopping Josh Hamilton.

If you're not familiar with Texas Ranger Josh Hamilton, imagine Tim Tebow + David Robinson + AC Green + Reggie White. He's like some sort of genetically engineered Christian athlete made in a lab of awesomeness. In fact, here are five reasons Josh Hamilton is probably going to end up being the Christian athlete of the Century. (Did I just proclaim that 90 years before the century ends? I did. I'm bold like that, like a really fresh flavor of deodorant. Besides, I'll be dead before the century ends.)

Five reasons Josh Hamilton is the Christian athlete of the century

1. Redemption

His story is one of tremendous redemption. He was the number 1 draft pick in 1999. He was a five tool player, equipped with other planet abilities. But then he threw it all away on drugs and alcohol. Professional sports are virtually impossible to play for more than a few years. The average NFL career is 3.2 years and major league baseball players come and go. It's crazy that Hamilton came back from his pit. When asked he how he did, he replied, "Giving glory to God is the reason I am where I am."

2. David vs. Goliath

The team Hamilton plays for, the Texas Rangers collectively as a team makes less than A-Rod and Derek Jeter. Let me rephrase that, two guys on the Yankees make more money than all the other Texas Rangers combined. That is wild. What a David versus Goliath story. The Yankees were going for their 28th World Series too, and that's approximately how many I believe the Philistines would have won as well.

3. Josh fell

Josh stumbled. He relapsed. He didn't just need a second chance, he needed a third chance. And how did he deal with it? He was honest. I heard him discuss his relapse with me and roughly 13,000 other people at the Catalyst Conference. Then he threw a football into the crowd and almost snapped someone's sternum clean in half. Both of those events were awesome in their own way.

4. Parade of God

Rappers always give a shout out to God. In the midst of enjoying a nice jolly rancher flavored sip of "Drank," they'll say, "Shout out to God." Josh? What did he say? When asked about the game, he referenced Joshua. The book of Joshua. You don't casually bust out some Joshua. Watching the post game interviews with Hamilton was like seeing faith in 3D. It was awesome.

5. Ginger Ale

When they won the game, the Rangers bypassed the famous champagne shower and instead pour ginger ale on each other. Why? Because they love Josh and as someone who struggles with substance abuse they don't want to do that to him. When they talk about locker rooms and guys who are "cancers" to them and the bad chemistry that can exist, you get a sense of how much politics are alive and well in professional sports. But on the night they won a trip to their first ever World Series, the Rangers completely rewrote the play book and busted out some ginger ale. That's a huge testament to Josh's impact on that team.

There is a chance that growing up in Massachusetts with the Red Sox did not prepare me to fairly write about the Yankees. I admit, that is very true. But there is little denying how awesome Josh Hamilton is, which is why I am more than happy to announce he's the Christian athlete of the century.

What do you think?

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Win 3 free books from Billy Coffey.

It's hard not to be proud of Billy Coffey. He and I share the same kind of road into publishing. We both started online. We both kicked around on blogs, writing and rewriting, publishing chunks and chunks of words on the Internet long before we had things in paper.

That's why it's so encouraging to see his new book, "Snow Day," doing so well. A novel about the lessons and life we sometimes miss unless forced to slow down, the response to this book has been great. As a friend, I endorsed it and was excited about the opportunity to give it away.

Post a comment answer to the question below by the end of Tuesday, October 26 for your chance to win.

Question: "Does it snow where you live?"

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Braveheart winner, Gabe Lyons winners and Lecrae winner.

If you're one of the winners, please send me an email with the name of what you won in the subject. Thanks! (Winners after jump)

Congrats to Tymm who won the autographed copy of the Braveheart script!

And the five winners of the new book from Gabe Lyons:

Stephanie I

Jeff (Slacker)

nholli9763

Brittany Dare

Profblades

Congrats to the folks who won a new copy of Lecrae's album and some other fun merch:

Doug (Last album he bought was Matt Maher)

Dana (Robert Randolph)

Willie Harris

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Starting new churches.

"If I get a chance to knock somebody out, I'm going to knock them out and take what they give me. They give me a helmet, I'm going to use it."

That's what a linebacker for the Miami Dolphins said Wednesday about the NFL trying to crack down on concussion inducing helmet hits. And he's got a point, they do give him a helmet but I don't think he took that thought far enough. For instance, they also give you cleats. I've got one word for you, "stabbing." Have you considered just leaping in the air like the guy from movie "Only the Strong" and kicking people? Look at him in that poster, who wouldn't be afraid of a man in pleated jeans jumping at you menacingly? [image error]

Come to think of it, they also give you exercise bikes to ride on the sideline in between plays so you don't go cold. What if you kicked off the stands of one of the bikes and just drove it right on the field? Forget tackling, do wheelies or bunny hops on opponents.

I should probably be an NFL coach with all the wisdom I'm able to spit, but it's not easy to be a coach. For one thing you have to wear sweater vests constantly and that's not awesome. Plus players sometimes get arrested and you have to pretend that you didn't suspect a guy who grew up without a dad and any sense of the word "no," would make mistakes when handed $10 million and an invitation to the most dangerous place on the planet, "outside a strip club." No, it's not an easy job, but I still think it's easier than something my dad and many of you have done.

I am of course talking about starting a church. That is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. The church my dad started, Grace Baptist, in Hudson, Massachusetts turns 25 this weekend which is 907 years old in church planting terms. Instead of our typical guest post I thought I would pay tribute to all those folks, pastors and friends alike, who have done the near impossible. Many, many of you have been part of church plants over the years. And if you have, here are a few things you might recognize.

15 things that happen when you start a church.

1. You will meet in weird places that don't feel exactly like church. Our church rocked it in an old car wash for a while.

2. You don't get to choose your first members. My dad's first member was a 6'5" homeless man named Jack who used to get sick in the middle of service in what was a small, poorly acoustically prepared for giant men to get sick, car wash.

3. Your oldest members will occasionally bring their own tambourines to service and unexpectedly go up front to play them. To slow songs.

4. A whole bunch of people will think you're too conservative.

5. A whole bunch of people will think you're too radical.

6. At some point, someone will complain that the ex-stripper who sings at church is not wearing enough clothing. You will swear they did not teach you how to handle that exact situation in seminary.

7. You will accidentally do a bait and switch, promising a fun pizza event that turns into a get saved right this second moment, that the local paper eviscerates you for.

8. People in your new city will wonder what your pastor does the rest of the week since he only really "works" one day a week.

9. Your pastor will think about quitting approximately 84 times. He will think he is the only pastor who feels that way.

10. Someone on a youth group trip will break a limb. You will trust in the almighty signed parental waiver.

11. A crazy drunk guy will try to break into your pastor's car to sleep through the cold New England night, will have a nurse falsely call the pastor and say he's committed suicide and will inexplicably give one of the pastor's kids a pet snake. (Is that one too specific? Probably.)

12. You will meet in a school and become some sort of ninja black belt at stacking and unstacking chairs.

13. You will be surprised at how few people it takes to find yourself wrapped up in church politics.

14. You will be not so secretly jealous of other churches in your town who are able to have bouncey things at their Vacation Bible Schools.

15. You will laugh at how wildly off base all your fancy plans were for your community but how perfectly God provides at just the right time.

That list could be a bajillion points long and I hope you'll add to it. But today, I just want to say thank you.

Thanks to the church planters who do the crazy. Who do the impossible. Who do the difficult.

In Ohio and Tanzania, California and Canada, thank you for starting churches.

Have you ever been part of a church plant?

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Zach Galifianakis gets two ferned. Awkward. Awesome. Video.

It's Friday. A day for much, much mirth. With that in mind, I give you my new favorite video. Zach Galifianakis often creates a fake interview show called "Between 2 Ferns." On it, he asks celebrities really awkward questions. For instance, to Bruce Willis he said, "Which one of your kids is your favorite? I bet it's Ashton. Do you get his tweets? Do you ever call him and say "Got your tweets, good tweeting today." He also told Bruce, "When you were making 'The whole ten yards,' were you afraid it might be too good?"

Well recently, someone did the same thing to him. In this awesome video you see Zach confused at first at the horribleness of the interview and then he catches on and plays along perfectly. Because it's on public TV they even beep out the one profanity, which is like TBS editing Sex and the City. Yahtzee! Check it out after the jump:

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Distancing ourselves from the word "religion."

Six months ago, in the middle of a conversation at work, a coworker pulled the "let's ask Mikey" Christian card. Not familiar with that? Well in the 80s there was a commercial for Life cereal. The older brothers were worried about trying Life so they just kept giving it to Mikey to see if he ate it. When he did, they shouted, "Mikey likes it!"

Sometimes, at work you'll become the token Christian and be called upon whenever there are any questions or issues involving God. In this particular case at my last job, my coworker said, "Well, let's ask Jon, he's into religion."

Like any good Christian, I immediately said what we're supposed to:

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not into religion, I'm into Jesus. I'm a Christian."

If you've been a Christian for longer than 5 minutes, you know that's what you're supposed to do. The word "religion" is our kryptonite, able to crush even the best conversations at a single appearance. But there are five important things you need to consider as you wrestle with the word "Religion."

1. No one falls for it.

There's not a person on the planet who is antagonistic to religion who will have all their worries instantly removed by you clarifying the "Christianity" vs. "Religion" point. Nobody says, "Oh wait, you're a Christian, not into religion? Phew, in that case, please proceed to witness to me about your beliefs."

2. Get ready for Facebook.

The "Religious Views:" field of Facebook is like a landmine. How do you answer? Do you go funny? Do you say "Christian?" or something more elaborate like, "Born again Christian?" I once said, "Yes, please," but what does that really do? If you're going to fight the good fight against religion, you better get ready for Facebook.

3. "Christian" is becoming the new "Religion."

I wrote about this in the Stuff Christians Like book. We're getting weirder and weirder these days with doing everything we can to say, "We're not a Christian band, we're a band of Christians" or "We're not a Christian business, we're a business that is founded on the gospel." I completely understand the fear, that you'll be associated with all the worst parts of Christianity and be forever closed out of secular circles you really want to speak into. But we are getting crazy with the labels. I fear that soon, we will try to Teflon ourselves from all sorts of different words which is not a horrible thing but can be a great time waster and distraction. Which brings us to point 4.

4. People react to actions more than words.

Unless you're talking about the difference between the words "love" and "hate," a shift in vernacular alone rarely changes someone's life. Words can be incredibly important, but don't lose focus on your actions while you worry about the specifics of the labels people give you.

5. You can't say "Spiritual" instead.

You might be thinking, "I'll avoid this whole silly situation by just using the word 'spiritual.'" You'd be wrong my friend. At this point, the word "spiritual," can mean yoga, candles or the reason you're quitting your job as an accountant and opening a llama ranch in Northern California.

I don't really have a solution for this issue, if it even is an issue. But I promise you my coworker didn't feel like I had clarified things helpfully when I corrected him about the difference between "religion" and "Christianity." He felt like a loser and that's not an awesome way to start a conversation about faith.

Be honest, have you ever told someone you're not into "religion?"

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Packing.

My friend used to deal drugs.

I tell you this, not to add an element of excitement to his testimony, as we are prone to do when we encounter someone who has a really crazy, Jason Bourne like testimony.

I tell you this, because two weeks ago he taught me an important lesson about faith.

We were talking about a famous singer who recently got arrested for having a bag of cocaine on him in a bathroom. The singer told the police that this was the first time he's ever tried cocaine. When I told my friend that, he said it wasn't true. He said it was virtually impossible for that to have been his first time. Knowing that my friend didn't follow this musician or really have any knowledge of him, I asked him why he could be so sure of that.

Here is what he told me:

"No one carries drugs with them the first time they use. No one has the lack of fear it takes to carry a few grams of coke the very first time you try it. No one is alone in a bathroom, carrying a controlled substance the first time they have it. It starts slowly. You're at a party where it is present. There are a few lines at a friend's house. Somewhere you bump into it casually. You try it that way long before you decide you'll be out at a nightclub with a bag of it in your pocket."

That makes sense to me and more than that, it feels a lot like every other sin in my life.

Nothing I've ever done, whether lying or drugs, pornography or gossip, started out with a bag in a bathroom. As I've said before, no one wakes up on a Tuesday morning and says, "Today, I'm going to embezzle!" No one says, "At lunch, I'm going to get 10 DUIs and go to jail!" The path to completely destruction never starts out that way.

And neither did the Prodigal Son story. I can't write about that story enough. It's the perfect example of small steps to big stupid. In that story, we often like to think that the son got his inheritance from his father and then took a G6 jet straight to hookertown.

But that's not what Luke 15 says. In fact, this is what we see in Luke 15:13

And not many days after the younger son gathered all together and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

Did you see that? The Prodigal Son packed. For days, he packed his bags before he left the father's side. He took small steps. He made small mistakes and then he left.

So my question to you today, my question to me is pretty simple:

Are you packing?

Right now, today, are you packing your things to leave the safety of the father? Are you getting your things together for a disastrous trip to somewhere you've been before, down a path that will leave you wounded and beaten? Is your luggage laid open on your bed and you can't get things together fast enough?

Are you packing?

If you are, tell a friend. Tell someone who knows you. Did you ever notice that about the Prodigal Son story? He had no friends. Other than the father and the older brother, no one cared that he was gone. His was a friendless existence. He packed alone.

Let's put the luggage down. Let's release the baggage. It's time to stop leaving and instead start living.

Are you packing?

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Win an autographed copy of Braveheart.

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to sit down with Randall Wallace, the author of Braveheart and director of the new movie Secretariat.

Randall is the guy who found the William Wallace story, wrote it and eventually convinced Hollywood to turn it into a movie. He's also an amazing storyteller, man of God and guy who can make me tear up in the middle of an interview when answering my question, "What was the hardest scene to write in Braveheart?" As a promotion for the movie Secretariat, I asked Disney if I could give away a signed copy of the Braveheart script. They said sure and that I could also have a gold plated lifetime "Fast Pass" for Disney world. They didn't say that Fast Pass part, but I do have a hardbound, autographed edition of Braveheart for someone. Simply comment on this post with the last movie you saw in the theaters or at home by end of day Thursday, October 21.

Here is the trailer for Secretariat, a movie that opens and closes with a Bible verse from the book of Job. It's in theaters right now and looks awesome.

Here is the interview I did with Randall.

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Explaining to your kids they found a tract, not a million dollar bill.

They don't cover this in most parenting books. They don't prepare you for this at church. Your own parents will often fail to pass down some generational wisdom. But eventually, especially if you live in the Bible Belt, you'll have to explain to your kids they found a tract, not a million dollar bill.

I remember the first time my oldest daughter L.E. found one on the floor of a bathroom in a South Carolina rest stop. (Let's not focus on the fact that my child picked up something on the bathroom floor of a South Carolina rest stop.) She was so excited. She thought she had legitimately found $1,000,000. And although she didn't say it, I could see in her little blue eyes, "Our worries are over. We'll no longer have to try to make ends meet on the salary of a sarcastic copywriter!"

But then I had to have one of those difficult father to daughter conversations. I had to sit her down and explain that the bill she clutched in her little hand was not in fact money. It was a tract. She was confused. Hurt. Disorientated. I remember her punching the bill right in the face and then giving it a leg drop. It got very violent, very quickly.

Not really, but she was bummed out because she had calculated the amount of silly bandz she could buy with that amount of lettuce. And at our house, silly bandz are like cigarettes in jail, they are our currency.

To avoid situations like that going forward, I would like to call a truce with the producers of tracts. I would like to suggest a cease fire on the fake money tracts. I want to meet you in the middle. Here are the conditions:

If you agree to stop making the fake money tracts, I will:

1. Admit that many, many people have been greatly impacted by tracts. (And I know someone is going to post a comment about finding Jesus through the fake money tract.)

2. I will not get frustrated when someone gives my kids a tract at Halloween instead of candy.

3. I will never again mention the fake money tracts on Stuff Christians Like, having covered them twice in 800+ posts.

If I agree to those 3 conditions, you will:

1. Stop making fake money tracts.

2. Never, ever, ever leave a tract instead of a tip at a restaurant.

3. Put at least one package of bottle caps or milk duds in the Halloween bag you put the tract in.

4. You will buy lots of copies of the Stuff Christians Like book and hand that out instead.

OK, there's a chance you are going to pass on that last one. I understand that, but you have to understand that I had to try.

Please let me know if you accept these terms.

Your friend,

Jon

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Awkward Prayer Request Moments.

I have two confessions about this post:

1. I changed the name of the person involved to protect their identity.

2. I end up looking like a complete loser in it.

There, now we can move on.

Last weekend I was in Raleigh, North Carolina speaking at a Dave Ramsey Live event. During the breaks I would sign copies of Stuff Christians Like books. Since it's a comedy book, I try to write funny things when I autograph them. In one, I made a joke about a pastor named JD Greear in the book one of his friends bought. JD thought it was so funny he tweeted a photo of it.

It's hard to be consistently funny though, and as I tweeted yesterday, being funny is simply the bravery to bomb 100 times before you get 1 laugh. I lived that principle last Saturday.

A woman in her 50s asked me to sign books for her kids. She had a few children who were in their 30s and wanted to buy two of them books. Awesome. I was really appreciative of her generosity. In the first book I wrote something silly. In the second, I wrote, "Holly, your mom told me you are her favorite." Christians often say, "I'm Jesus' favorite," as a joke and if an author did that to me and brothers, we would laugh.

Five minutes later, the mom came back to my table and she was not laughing.

"I can't give this to my daughter, it will cause family trouble."

I was so instantly awash in awkwardness I didn't know what to say. At first I thought she was joking so I said, "Instead of autographing it, maybe I need to pray for family peace." She laughed at this, but was dead serious and handed me back the book.

I started to just blurt out jokes, which is what I do when I am embarrassed. She said, "I need a different one. And she would think it's lame." At this point, I was reeling from the body blows. I don't know what I wrote in the new book I gave her, something like "Holly, puppies are nice." Then she walked away.

In summary, I am the only author in history who has had a book returned because the autograph was not good enough.

I'm getting sweaty just writing this post. I felt so bad for offending that lady. If her kids were 13 I never would have written that, but since they were in their 30s I thought they would see the humor of the situation. I didn't write, "Dear Holly, your mom loves you more than your brother." I wrote, "Your mom told me you are her favorite." Ugh. I am a loser. I'm framing that book for my office just in case I ever get too big for my britches.

I wish that was the only example of awkwardness I could think of. But yet another one instantly pops up as I survey the landscape of my mind.

Every Friday morning our creative team at work gets together to pray. A few weeks ago, a girl named Dana was praying for someone named JT. I initially assumed she was speaking of Justin Timberlake. That made sense to me because it's been a while since he's released an album. I love him on Saturday Night Live but it feels like we need "SexyBack Part Deux, the Revenge" already.

So maybe Dana was praying for Justin Timberlake. But I had to make sure, so I asked her after she was done sharing her prayer request, "Is JT your boyfriend?"

She swiveled in her chair and instantly replied:

"JT? No, that's my cat."

Using my razor sharp sense of sarcasm, I detected that she was pulling me leg. So I smiled and then rolled myself in my chair out of the room, down a hall and through the doors of an open elevator.

Are we not allowed to ask questions about prayer requests? Is there a maximum? Was this a violation of some sort of Justin Timberlake or "JT" based rule?

Maybe we need some new official group prayer rules. Maybe we need the …

Stuff Christians Like Guide to Group Prayers:

1. Know your role.

Are you opener? Closer? Figure out which of the 7 roles you'll play before hand.

2. Group prayer is like brainstorming.

Any time you brainstorm at work they say, "There are no bad ideas." Same rule applies here. You might shot block someone with your own prayer, the act of praying the opposite of what they just prayed, but don't just blurt out, "I am not praying for that!"

3. Write down the prayer requests.

Don't throw God under the bus and say, "God will remember all the details."

4. Don't tweet prayer requests without permission.

The first night in our new small group, a DJ from Way FM told everyone, "If you don't want me to talk on the radio about something you say, please let me know." I laughed with him and said, "So if you're in the middle of crying about your dad not loving you, make sure you disclaim it through the tears and say, 'Please don't put this on the radio.'" Same goes with Twitter. Don't tweet out prayer requests unless it's cool.

5. Don't prayer sneak attack someone.

Wait until prayer time. If you're in the middle the "eat dessert before we get all spiritual," moment and you sleeper hold them with a prayer, people get weirded out.

6. Don't hog all the prayer requests.

Have you ever had someone who throws out multiple prayer requests? It's one thing if they've got a ton of honest ones, but if it's just filler, it kind of feels like they're hogging all the prayer requests. We need to share those things.

7. Never "out" someone's prayer request.

Sometimes a friend will tell you something in private that they don't want to share in the public prayer circle. Never, ever, ever, never say in the middle of the group, "Hey Bill, are you going to pray about that thing you told me earlier?" That is the prayer equivalent of asking a woman who isn't pregnant if she is pregnant.

8. Don't turn your prayer request into a mini sermon.

Dear Jon Acuff, stop this, please. Don't confuse your prayer request moment for a main stage speech at the Catalyst Conference. Please say what you're going to say and then stop talking. Please.

9. Don't go to the bathroom during the prayer requests.

My kids wait until we're all gathered at the dinner table to use the bathroom. I suspect they are smuggling broccoli to the bathroom garbage but I could be wrong. Regardless, it's an annoying thing to do, especially considering you had the entire small group to use the bathroom and waited until that exact moment to leave.

10. Don't get up for a snack in the middle of a prayer request.

The movie's started, despite visions of that singing popcorn bucket, stay in your seat.

11. Never say "Again?" if this is a recurring prayer request.

12. Never make one up to fill the emptiness of the moment.

Nobody will fictionalize a prayer request, but sometimes we will pull out a bronze medal request and pray for something we're not really concerned about.

13. Don't play angry birds on your iPhone during someone's prayer request.

Or Cut the Rope for that matter. Stupid Cut the Rope, so hard!

Whoa, a 13 point list, a few days from Halloween, or the church equivalent "Fall Festival?" What was I thinking? I am crazy! Or I just don't believe in the horror of the number 13. (777 is legit, doves are summoned at the mere mention of that number, but 13 is nothing.)

What would you add to this list?

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