Jon Acuff's Blog, page 167

Zach Galifianakis gets two ferned. Awkward. Awesome. Video.

It's Friday. A day for much, much mirth. With that in mind, I give you my new favorite video. Zach Galifianakis often creates a fake interview show called "Between 2 Ferns." On it, he asks celebrities really awkward questions. For instance, to Bruce Willis he said, "Which one of your kids is your favorite? I bet it's Ashton. Do you get his tweets? Do you ever call him and say "Got your tweets, good tweeting today." He also told Bruce, "When you were making 'The whole ten yards,' were you afraid it might be too good?"

Well recently, someone did the same thing to him. In this awesome video you see Zach confused at first at the horribleness of the interview and then he catches on and plays along perfectly. Because it's on public TV they even beep out the one profanity, which is like TBS editing Sex and the City. Yahtzee! Check it out after the jump:

[image error]

Distancing ourselves from the word "religion."

Six months ago, in the middle of a conversation at work, a coworker pulled the "let's ask Mikey" Christian card. Not familiar with that? Well in the 80s there was a commercial for Life cereal. The older brothers were worried about trying Life so they just kept giving it to Mikey to see if he ate it. When he did, they shouted, "Mikey likes it!"

Sometimes, at work you'll become the token Christian and be called upon whenever there are any questions or issues involving God. In this particular case at my last job, my coworker said, "Well, let's ask Jon, he's into religion."

Like any good Christian, I immediately said what we're supposed to:

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not into religion, I'm into Jesus. I'm a Christian."

If you've been a Christian for longer than 5 minutes, you know that's what you're supposed to do. The word "religion" is our kryptonite, able to crush even the best conversations at a single appearance. But there are five important things you need to consider as you wrestle with the word "Religion."

1. No one falls for it.

There's not a person on the planet who is antagonistic to religion who will have all their worries instantly removed by you clarifying the "Christianity" vs. "Religion" point. Nobody says, "Oh wait, you're a Christian, not into religion? Phew, in that case, please proceed to witness to me about your beliefs."

2. Get ready for Facebook.

The "Religious Views:" field of Facebook is like a landmine. How do you answer? Do you go funny? Do you say "Christian?" or something more elaborate like, "Born again Christian?" I once said, "Yes, please," but what does that really do? If you're going to fight the good fight against religion, you better get ready for Facebook.

3. "Christian" is becoming the new "Religion."

I wrote about this in the Stuff Christians Like book. We're getting weirder and weirder these days with doing everything we can to say, "We're not a Christian band, we're a band of Christians" or "We're not a Christian business, we're a business that is founded on the gospel." I completely understand the fear, that you'll be associated with all the worst parts of Christianity and be forever closed out of secular circles you really want to speak into. But we are getting crazy with the labels. I fear that soon, we will try to Teflon ourselves from all sorts of different words which is not a horrible thing but can be a great time waster and distraction. Which brings us to point 4.

4. People react to actions more than words.

Unless you're talking about the difference between the words "love" and "hate," a shift in vernacular alone rarely changes someone's life. Words can be incredibly important, but don't lose focus on your actions while you worry about the specifics of the labels people give you.

5. You can't say "Spiritual" instead.

You might be thinking, "I'll avoid this whole silly situation by just using the word 'spiritual.'" You'd be wrong my friend. At this point, the word "spiritual," can mean yoga, candles or the reason you're quitting your job as an accountant and opening a llama ranch in Northern California.

I don't really have a solution for this issue, if it even is an issue. But I promise you my coworker didn't feel like I had clarified things helpfully when I corrected him about the difference between "religion" and "Christianity." He felt like a loser and that's not an awesome way to start a conversation about faith.

Be honest, have you ever told someone you're not into "religion?"

[image error]

Packing.

My friend used to deal drugs.

I tell you this, not to add an element of excitement to his testimony, as we are prone to do when we encounter someone who has a really crazy, Jason Bourne like testimony.

I tell you this, because two weeks ago he taught me an important lesson about faith.

We were talking about a famous singer who recently got arrested for having a bag of cocaine on him in a bathroom. The singer told the police that this was the first time he's ever tried cocaine. When I told my friend that, he said it wasn't true. He said it was virtually impossible for that to have been his first time. Knowing that my friend didn't follow this musician or really have any knowledge of him, I asked him why he could be so sure of that.

Here is what he told me:

"No one carries drugs with them the first time they use. No one has the lack of fear it takes to carry a few grams of coke the very first time you try it. No one is alone in a bathroom, carrying a controlled substance the first time they have it. It starts slowly. You're at a party where it is present. There are a few lines at a friend's house. Somewhere you bump into it casually. You try it that way long before you decide you'll be out at a nightclub with a bag of it in your pocket."

That makes sense to me and more than that, it feels a lot like every other sin in my life.

Nothing I've ever done, whether lying or drugs, pornography or gossip, started out with a bag in a bathroom. As I've said before, no one wakes up on a Tuesday morning and says, "Today, I'm going to embezzle!" No one says, "At lunch, I'm going to get 10 DUIs and go to jail!" The path to completely destruction never starts out that way.

And neither did the Prodigal Son story. I can't write about that story enough. It's the perfect example of small steps to big stupid. In that story, we often like to think that the son got his inheritance from his father and then took a G6 jet straight to hookertown.

But that's not what Luke 15 says. In fact, this is what we see in Luke 15:13

And not many days after the younger son gathered all together and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

Did you see that? The Prodigal Son packed. For days, he packed his bags before he left the father's side. He took small steps. He made small mistakes and then he left.

So my question to you today, my question to me is pretty simple:

Are you packing?

Right now, today, are you packing your things to leave the safety of the father? Are you getting your things together for a disastrous trip to somewhere you've been before, down a path that will leave you wounded and beaten? Is your luggage laid open on your bed and you can't get things together fast enough?

Are you packing?

If you are, tell a friend. Tell someone who knows you. Did you ever notice that about the Prodigal Son story? He had no friends. Other than the father and the older brother, no one cared that he was gone. His was a friendless existence. He packed alone.

Let's put the luggage down. Let's release the baggage. It's time to stop leaving and instead start living.

Are you packing?

[image error]

Win an autographed copy of Braveheart.

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to sit down with Randall Wallace, the author of Braveheart and director of the new movie Secretariat.

Randall is the guy who found the William Wallace story, wrote it and eventually convinced Hollywood to turn it into a movie. He's also an amazing storyteller, man of God and guy who can make me tear up in the middle of an interview when answering my question, "What was the hardest scene to write in Braveheart?" As a promotion for the movie Secretariat, I asked Disney if I could give away a signed copy of the Braveheart script. They said sure and that I could also have a gold plated lifetime "Fast Pass" for Disney world. They didn't say that Fast Pass part, but I do have a hardbound, autographed edition of Braveheart for someone. Simply comment on this post with the last movie you saw in the theaters or at home by end of day Thursday, October 21.

Here is the trailer for Secretariat, a movie that opens and closes with a Bible verse from the book of Job. It's in theaters right now and looks awesome.

Here is the interview I did with Randall.

[image error]

Explaining to your kids they found a tract, not a million dollar bill.

They don't cover this in most parenting books. They don't prepare you for this at church. Your own parents will often fail to pass down some generational wisdom. But eventually, especially if you live in the Bible Belt, you'll have to explain to your kids they found a tract, not a million dollar bill.

I remember the first time my oldest daughter L.E. found one on the floor of a bathroom in a South Carolina rest stop. (Let's not focus on the fact that my child picked up something on the bathroom floor of a South Carolina rest stop.) She was so excited. She thought she had legitimately found $1,000,000. And although she didn't say it, I could see in her little blue eyes, "Our worries are over. We'll no longer have to try to make ends meet on the salary of a sarcastic copywriter!"

But then I had to have one of those difficult father to daughter conversations. I had to sit her down and explain that the bill she clutched in her little hand was not in fact money. It was a tract. She was confused. Hurt. Disorientated. I remember her punching the bill right in the face and then giving it a leg drop. It got very violent, very quickly.

Not really, but she was bummed out because she had calculated the amount of silly bandz she could buy with that amount of lettuce. And at our house, silly bandz are like cigarettes in jail, they are our currency.

To avoid situations like that going forward, I would like to call a truce with the producers of tracts. I would like to suggest a cease fire on the fake money tracts. I want to meet you in the middle. Here are the conditions:

If you agree to stop making the fake money tracts, I will:

1. Admit that many, many people have been greatly impacted by tracts. (And I know someone is going to post a comment about finding Jesus through the fake money tract.)

2. I will not get frustrated when someone gives my kids a tract at Halloween instead of candy.

3. I will never again mention the fake money tracts on Stuff Christians Like, having covered them twice in 800+ posts.

If I agree to those 3 conditions, you will:

1. Stop making fake money tracts.

2. Never, ever, ever leave a tract instead of a tip at a restaurant.

3. Put at least one package of bottle caps or milk duds in the Halloween bag you put the tract in.

4. You will buy lots of copies of the Stuff Christians Like book and hand that out instead.

OK, there's a chance you are going to pass on that last one. I understand that, but you have to understand that I had to try.

Please let me know if you accept these terms.

Your friend,

Jon

[image error]

Awkward Prayer Request Moments.

I have two confessions about this post:

1. I changed the name of the person involved to protect their identity.

2. I end up looking like a complete loser in it.

There, now we can move on.

Last weekend I was in Raleigh, North Carolina speaking at a Dave Ramsey Live event. During the breaks I would sign copies of Stuff Christians Like books. Since it's a comedy book, I try to write funny things when I autograph them. In one, I made a joke about a pastor named JD Greear in the book one of his friends bought. JD thought it was so funny he tweeted a photo of it.

It's hard to be consistently funny though, and as I tweeted yesterday, being funny is simply the bravery to bomb 100 times before you get 1 laugh. I lived that principle last Saturday.

A woman in her 50s asked me to sign books for her kids. She had a few children who were in their 30s and wanted to buy two of them books. Awesome. I was really appreciative of her generosity. In the first book I wrote something silly. In the second, I wrote, "Holly, your mom told me you are her favorite." Christians often say, "I'm Jesus' favorite," as a joke and if an author did that to me and brothers, we would laugh.

Five minutes later, the mom came back to my table and she was not laughing.

"I can't give this to my daughter, it will cause family trouble."

I was so instantly awash in awkwardness I didn't know what to say. At first I thought she was joking so I said, "Instead of autographing it, maybe I need to pray for family peace." She laughed at this, but was dead serious and handed me back the book.

I started to just blurt out jokes, which is what I do when I am embarrassed. She said, "I need a different one. And she would think it's lame." At this point, I was reeling from the body blows. I don't know what I wrote in the new book I gave her, something like "Holly, puppies are nice." Then she walked away.

In summary, I am the only author in history who has had a book returned because the autograph was not good enough.

I'm getting sweaty just writing this post. I felt so bad for offending that lady. If her kids were 13 I never would have written that, but since they were in their 30s I thought they would see the humor of the situation. I didn't write, "Dear Holly, your mom loves you more than your brother." I wrote, "Your mom told me you are her favorite." Ugh. I am a loser. I'm framing that book for my office just in case I ever get too big for my britches.

I wish that was the only example of awkwardness I could think of. But yet another one instantly pops up as I survey the landscape of my mind.

Every Friday morning our creative team at work gets together to pray. A few weeks ago, a girl named Dana was praying for someone named JT. I initially assumed she was speaking of Justin Timberlake. That made sense to me because it's been a while since he's released an album. I love him on Saturday Night Live but it feels like we need "SexyBack Part Deux, the Revenge" already.

So maybe Dana was praying for Justin Timberlake. But I had to make sure, so I asked her after she was done sharing her prayer request, "Is JT your boyfriend?"

She swiveled in her chair and instantly replied:

"JT? No, that's my cat."

Using my razor sharp sense of sarcasm, I detected that she was pulling me leg. So I smiled and then rolled myself in my chair out of the room, down a hall and through the doors of an open elevator.

Are we not allowed to ask questions about prayer requests? Is there a maximum? Was this a violation of some sort of Justin Timberlake or "JT" based rule?

Maybe we need some new official group prayer rules. Maybe we need the …

Stuff Christians Like Guide to Group Prayers:

1. Know your role.

Are you opener? Closer? Figure out which of the 7 roles you'll play before hand.

2. Group prayer is like brainstorming.

Any time you brainstorm at work they say, "There are no bad ideas." Same rule applies here. You might shot block someone with your own prayer, the act of praying the opposite of what they just prayed, but don't just blurt out, "I am not praying for that!"

3. Write down the prayer requests.

Don't throw God under the bus and say, "God will remember all the details."

4. Don't tweet prayer requests without permission.

The first night in our new small group, a DJ from Way FM told everyone, "If you don't want me to talk on the radio about something you say, please let me know." I laughed with him and said, "So if you're in the middle of crying about your dad not loving you, make sure you disclaim it through the tears and say, 'Please don't put this on the radio.'" Same goes with Twitter. Don't tweet out prayer requests unless it's cool.

5. Don't prayer sneak attack someone.

Wait until prayer time. If you're in the middle the "eat dessert before we get all spiritual," moment and you sleeper hold them with a prayer, people get weirded out.

6. Don't hog all the prayer requests.

Have you ever had someone who throws out multiple prayer requests? It's one thing if they've got a ton of honest ones, but if it's just filler, it kind of feels like they're hogging all the prayer requests. We need to share those things.

7. Never "out" someone's prayer request.

Sometimes a friend will tell you something in private that they don't want to share in the public prayer circle. Never, ever, ever, never say in the middle of the group, "Hey Bill, are you going to pray about that thing you told me earlier?" That is the prayer equivalent of asking a woman who isn't pregnant if she is pregnant.

8. Don't turn your prayer request into a mini sermon.

Dear Jon Acuff, stop this, please. Don't confuse your prayer request moment for a main stage speech at the Catalyst Conference. Please say what you're going to say and then stop talking. Please.

9. Don't go to the bathroom during the prayer requests.

My kids wait until we're all gathered at the dinner table to use the bathroom. I suspect they are smuggling broccoli to the bathroom garbage but I could be wrong. Regardless, it's an annoying thing to do, especially considering you had the entire small group to use the bathroom and waited until that exact moment to leave.

10. Don't get up for a snack in the middle of a prayer request.

The movie's started, despite visions of that singing popcorn bucket, stay in your seat.

11. Never say "Again?" if this is a recurring prayer request.

12. Never make one up to fill the emptiness of the moment.

Nobody will fictionalize a prayer request, but sometimes we will pull out a bronze medal request and pray for something we're not really concerned about.

13. Don't play angry birds on your iPhone during someone's prayer request.

Or Cut the Rope for that matter. Stupid Cut the Rope, so hard!

Whoa, a 13 point list, a few days from Halloween, or the church equivalent "Fall Festival?" What was I thinking? I am crazy! Or I just don't believe in the horror of the number 13. (777 is legit, doves are summoned at the mere mention of that number, but 13 is nothing.)

What would you add to this list?

[image error]

What just happened?

"Stuff Christians Like isn't even an original idea."

"You can't have a real community online."

"Strangers will never get together and actually change the world from just a satire site."

"Who are you to think you can change the world?"

"In the immortal words of social scientist, Miss Ferg A Licious, 'Blogs are so 2000 and late.'"

We've all heard doubt like that, it's common. So did we meet our goal of $10,000?

What just happened?

Stuff Christians Like readers raised $32,250  in 24 hours.

Stuff Christians Like readers saved 3,225 lives in Central Uganda.

Stuff Christians Like readers went on a fast, crazy, God-sized adventure.

We hit our initial goal of $10,000 in 2.5 hours. For the first four hours we had at least one donation every minute.

So what now? Now we distribute the nets. You'll get GPS coordinates as the project unfolds so that you can actually know exactly where your nets went. We also might take a trip of readers over there to hand them out.

God is good. God is wild about us and I think on mornings like this he sings. Not at the work we do for him but at the worship we offer.

Thank you for making a blog more than a blog. Thank you for reminding the world that strangers can be friends. Thank you for saving lives in a country most of us will never even visit.

And most importantly, thanks for being part of something that shines the glory back on God in big, unexplainable ways.

[image error]

What did you do today?

Today, when you go home, today when you talk with your kids or neighbors or friends and relatives and they ask you what you did, you'll be able to tell them something surprising,

"Today, I saved a life."

For the next 18 hours or so we've all got the chance to legitimately save someone's life. We have the opportunity to save someone's life, for $10 with a mosquito net in Central Uganda. For less than the price of a Lionel Ritchie greatest hits CD you can save someone's life. (I felt like the "for the cost of a cup of coffee" angle was a little tired.) It's that easy. It's that simple.

For $10 you can save a life today.

You can add "lifesaver" to your business card. You can add "saving lives" to your resume. You can also probably listen to most of those Lionel Ritchie songs on Youtube for free anyway.

Click here to donate.

Click here to learn more about what we're doing.

[image error]

What if?

Last year, I told some of you about a conversation that wrecked me.

While looking at a book about weather with my 6 year old daughter, L.E., we came across a photo of a starving child. L.E. asked me, "What's that?"

I told her, "That's a little boy who doesn't have enough food to eat." She thought for a few seconds and then responded, "That's not real though. That's pretend, right?"

You see kids don't come onto the planet understanding that other kids just like them starve to death. They can't compute that as children, but they learn it happens as teenagers and they learn to ignore it as adults. But L.E. was still too young to accept that. And in her simple question of "That's pretend, right?" I heard a challenge.

You're not OK with that dad, are you? You're doing something, right dad? Do other people know about this dad? Do other people know the L.E. in Thailand is being sold into the slavery? The L.E. in Oklahoma is scared. The L.E. in Africa is dying of preventable diseases?

You're doing something, right dad?

The truth is, I wasn't. I was using the Stuff Christians Like platform for my own ego and my own affirmation. But I couldn't ignore my daughter's questions. So you and I partnered together and raised money to build two kindergartens in Vietnam last November.

And today, we're going to dent the universe again and give all the glory to God in the process.

For the next 24 hours, we're going to save 1,000 lives in the Nakaseke District, of Uganda with SafeWorld. How? With a malaria net. That costs $10. It's that simple. 1 net, costs $10, and will save at least 1 life. More than a million people die each year from malaria and the majority of them are under the age of 5. They are someone else's L.E.

100% of the money goes to buying the nets and distributing them. And you'll be sent the GPS coordinates of where your exact net goes and be able to Google Earth the location of the person who's life you saved.

Can a blog really save 1,000 lives in 24 hours?

Can it really be that simple?

I think it can and my hope is that we'll crush the $10,000 goal that 1,000 lives represents. If we do, we'll keep going and raising money and saving lives, until Saturday, October 16, at 9AM eastern. When you go to the giving page, Pick "SCL10K" from the drop down.

When you donate, you're saving a life so let's comment, "Today I saved ## lives." I'll go first. Today I saved 20 lives.

Click here to donate .

Want to help spread the word?

Tweet this or put it up on facebook please. (The hashtag on Twitter is #SCL10K

"Can a blog save 1,000 lives today? Find out with #SCL10K http://bit.ly/cZSXiq"

And check back throughout the day. This graphic will show the running total.

[image error]

FAQs about SCL10

FAQs about SCL10

Why did you partner with SafeWorld?

I'm friends with the founder Matt Chambers. He's taken several people from the Dave Ramsey team to Haiti over the last few months. I know his heart and know he is on the up and up with how his ministry functions.

What happens to the money I donate?

100% of it goes to buying the nets and distributing them. None of this money will be applied to things like staff salaries or administration costs.

Where is the Nakaseke District?

It's located in Central Uganda. There are 48 villages, 178,000 people, only 1 public hospital and 1 doctor for every 26,000 people (compared to 1+ per 500 people in the United States). 0% of the area is malaria free and local doctors believe children will contract malaria between 6-8 times a year.

How will we know when we've hit $10,000?

The graphic on this post will update throughout the day.

What happens if we hit $10,000 before the 24 hour project is over?

We'll keep raising money and saving lives until the end of the project.

How can you say a net saves a life?

The nets are chemically coated against mosquitoes. Technically speaking, a single net saves more than one life since it provides malaria protection to entire families, not just one person. I feel like sometimes charities are tempted to exaggerate so I rounded down and just said "1 net = 1 life."

What if I can't financially support you, how could I help?

I completely understand, this is a difficult time to financially give for a lot of people. The best way to help is to pray for the people of Central Uganda and spread the word about the project today. Please tweet or put on facebook this: "Can a blog save 1,000 lives today? Find out with #SCL10K

When does the SCL10 project end?

Saturday, October 16, 9AM Eastern.

What's the latest on the Vietnam Kindergartens we built?

Construction is still going on and should be finished in January. It's a complicated process because Vietnam is still a "closed country" and working there as a Christian organization is difficult.

And if you have any other questions, please drop me a comment. I want this project to be completely transparent.

[image error]