Debbie Russell's Blog, page 2

What Am I Working On?

Many of you have been asking about my next book…what’s it going to be about? In today’s video, I’m taking you behind the scenes and sharing what’s been going on!

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Bill Burr and the Scars of Childhood Trauma

Full disclosure: I only discovered Bill Burr a few months ago. I’ve been on a somewhat desperate mission to find things to laugh about, and after hearing him on a podcast, I decided to check out his new special The Drop Dead Years.

Maybe it’s my age, but, boy, could I relate—even though I’m not a man facing the prospect of keeling over on a golf course. When he talked about men having two emotions: 1) fine and 2) enraged, I immediately flashed back to how I felt the majority of the time as a prosecutor. I appreciated his candor while talking about his feelings and joking about how getting married and going to therapy forced him to confront the FOUNDATION underneath the feelings.

Not easy stuff, but Burr made it funny and totally relatable. It wasn’t until the very end, when he was talking about giving his three year-old a bath and directing him to “wash his own pee-pee,” that I caught a glimpse of prior childhood trauma that may have contributed to the limits of “fine” and “enraged” resulting in the need for therapy.

He presented it in a very off-handed way, so if you were still laughing about the concept of a three year-old washing his own pee-pee, you might have missed it. SPOILER ALERT: Burr revealed that when he was a child someone had touched his pee-pee and it wasn’t in the context of giving him a bath. Because of this, he was going to make damn sure his son would be crystal clear about who was allowed to touch his pee-pee: NOBODY.

It’s a common perception about artists (and comics specifically) that they’ve created art to cope with their own pain. I’m sure it doesn’t apply to all of them, but watching Burr respond to that very question on The View, I confirmed what I’d already concluded. After dancing around the question a bit, instead of talking about therapy, he credited his use of mushrooms for helping him to recognize how “profoundly lonely” he was as a kid.

In a different interview, he said this:

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published“…there's also a lot of sad clowns that are accountants. I worked in warehousing, there were a lot of sad clowns out there. There's a lot of people that, if you had a rough go of it as a kid, it doesn't always translate into you going into show business or the arts. I think that there's people on Wall Street that are compensating for whatever mountain is in your head when it's usually something you can step right over. That's something that I continue to learn as an adult. A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.”

Burr has acknowledged going to therapy at the urging of his wife. That’s interesting to me, and—whether he intends to or not—I appreciate that he’s using his platform and new special to talk about the need to get our heads straight, no matter what our day job happens to be.

As a former prosecutor specializing in child abuse cases, I only recently began to unpack what I’d been compartmentalizing for decades. It’s been a difficult but necessary process. Burr’s comedy special was a painful reminder to me that the child victims I met and advocated for, may still have significant struggles as adults.

Also, like Burr, I came to realize that those two emotions—fine and enraged—actually were mere stand-ins for many, many more, that were far more nuanced.

How about you? Have you experienced a self-limiting of your emotions? What are you doing to help yourself? Let me know in the comments, or reply to this email.

Until next month,

~ Debbie

APRIL BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

If you’ve ever clicked on a book link in my newsletter, you know it directs you to Amazon. I think my reasoning for that was that you could find good descriptions and reviews if you wanted more info on a specific book.

I’ve now changed the links to direct you to bookshop.org, where each purchase benefits your local bookstore. And if you use this link, you’ll get 20% off your first purchase.

Fiction: The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

I’ve seen this book recommended often, and hesitated, noting it was in the sci-fi/fantasy genre—one I have never explored. Not even Harry Potter! I cannot get over how frequently I had to stop for a Kleenex break. Maybe it felt too close to the world in which we’re currently living?

Nonfiction: The Bookshop: A History of the American Bookstore by Evan Friss

Full disclosure: I couldn’t finish this one before it was due back at the library, but what I did read was super interesting. Before returning it, I skipped ahead to the chapter about the Aryan and Communist bookstores of the 1930s and 1940s. Bookstores are an important part of our culture and history—hence my decision to link my book recommendations to bookshop.org.

Burning it All Down

Three years ago, I scheduled a controlled burn for my prairie garden. I’d learned about the benefits of burning when I first met with the site planner three years prior. At that time, I knew nothing about prairies and felt mostly fear around wildfires. This fear might have developed when traveling through Yellowstone in 2000. I remember charred parts of the park still bearing stark reminders of the catastrophic wildfires of 1988.

In this moment, the fires raging through our government and rule of law seem nothing like what I would associate with a controlled burn. But…contrary to my feelings, many believe it’s a great thing, and long overdue.

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What’s Important to YOU?

As I write this, I’m a little over three weeks post-knee replacement surgery. I’m pleased to report that I’m doing as well, or even a wee bit better than what’s considered “typical.” Focusing on my physical therapy exercises, as well as plowing through the pile of books I checked out of the library prior to surgery, has kept me sane during what feels like an unprecedented period of chaos.

My biggest challenge has been to not zoom out too far. When that happens, I succumb to immense feelings of sadness and helplessness.

I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling sad.

I felt pretty helpless during the few days following surgery and I was grateful for those who supported me. But soon thereafter, I started to regain my ability to walk short distances and do things for myself. The first day I walked outside on my property filled me with joy. Mostly out of necessity, I paused frequently to notice the little things.

Spring in Minnesota is not without its challenges, but it’s also not without moments of great beauty. The birds are starting their spring songs and the sound and smell of melting permeate the days. It’s another cycle of awakening.

The micro stands in stark contrast to the macro, and the last few weeks have required me to shore up my inner core, as I constantly reevaluate just how much of the macro I can absorb without succumbing to helpless and sad. There will be more work ahead, as the repercussions from the chaos are revealed. I’m committed to continuing to contribute as I am able, to a society that is just, courageous, and kind.

For example, I’m in the middle of evaluating scholarship applications for students who want to pursue a career in the arts. The cynical side of me worries about a future for the arts. But the optimistic side of me is slapping the cynical side around a little bit.

You see, the future is completely undetermined, so why take the cynical approach?

What small things are sustaining you right now? Let me know in the comments!

Until next month,

~ Debbie

CROSSING FIFTY-ONE UPDATES!

I was very excited to be featured in my local paper for my presentation at the Big Lake Public Library!

READ THE ARTICLE

The audiobook has gotten its first reviews, and they’re good! Woo-hoo!

Leave a Review HERE

MARCH BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS

NONFICTION: How to Winter by Kari Leibowitz, PhD

There are a lot of books out there on how to manage our minds and emotions. The author’s focus on winter and people living in Tromsø, Norway, was fascinating! It was one of my reads during my time on restriction, and it came in at the library at just the right time!

FICTION: How to Age Disgracefully by Clare Pooley

I’ve now read all three of this author’s books and I’m all in on the formula for bringing together different people who are lonely, untethered, or in some other way dissatisfied with their current situations. I consider these books a salve for my soul.

Am I a Lazy Reader?

Can you tell me about a book you’ve NOT loved that’s been highly regarded and reviewed, won awards and was a national book club pick?

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The Discomfort of a Battered Heart

Last month, I spent a week in San Diego, the city of my birth. Despite having not lived there since I was three, I’ve always felt a strong pull to a place where water is everywhere. The neighborhood where my dad’s family put down roots—and still resides—is on a point. If you get up high enough, you can look to the east and see all the boats on San Diego Bay. Then, turn immediately to the west and you can see the Pacific Ocean. Sunrises and sunsets are most spectacular!

On this most recent visit, I spent a good amount of time at the beach—first, up the coast to Del Mar, and later, I visited Ocean Beach, just a mile or so from the family compound.

Maybe it was the time of the year, or maybe it was because the pier was closed, but Ocean Beach was fairly deserted on the day I showed up. I found a big rock on which to perch and sat, mesmerized by the rhythm of the waves—watching as they rolled in, crashed against the rocks, and then retreated back out to sea.

Along my beach stroll, I came across this stone:

As I picked it up and rubbed the sand off, tears started flowing—seemingly from nowhere. Then clarity arrived, as I realized that I was holding a replica of my own heart—one that for decades, had protected me with its ability to withstand all things meant to harm me.

Or so I thought.

Turns out, reality is quite different. As my fingers traced the cracks, dents, and perfectly round holes in the stone, I didn’t just think about all the loss I’ve personally endured. Coincidently, I’d arrived in California just as the L.A. fires were beginning to be controlled and I felt overwhelmed with sadness for all the people who’d lost their homes. And then, my heart ached with worry about future pain and loss for still more people I don’t know at all. There’s a certain curse that comes with being an empath.

Because I had the time, I chose to stand still and simply allow myself to feel that overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. Too much more to go into here, but in that regard, I know I’m not much different from you or anyone else in this world who experiences these waves (no pun intended) of emotions.

Where we may differ is in our ability to go on, even when our hearts feel like this stone.

For me, there’s no alternative.

What about you?

One way I’m able to fill some of the holes in my heart is through sharing the writing process for Crossing Fifty-One and connecting with new readers. It’s truly a magical experience and it was one of the reasons for me being in San Diego. Every time someone communicates with me about how the book affected them, my heart heals just a bit more.

Until next month,

~ Debbie

I’m planning to do more video posts in the future, and one of them will be on my very conflicted feelings about Amazon. As much as I hate it, my status as an indie author depends on “verified reviews,” meaning, if you bought the book on Amazon, your review is weighted more than if you bought it from me at a book fair, or at one of my events.

I recently got a note from a reader who shared that even though it left her a little weepy, it was a great book. That would be a perfect review, but this person felt too intimidated to write that. It doesn’t need to be more than a sentence or two, and it really helps! Click on the button, scroll down to the review section and then click on the “write a customer review” button.

LEAVE A REVIEW HERE!

Audiobook Sample:

I’m so happy with how the audiobook came out! It’s already received a five star rating on Audible! You can listen to a preview HERE: and order through Amazon or Audible!

ALSO: If you bought a book, but haven’t gotten around to reading it, reply to this email for a FREE CODE for the audiobook!

Three things I read this month:

I’m a huge Arthur Brooks fan, and this recent piece of his on how to have more meaningful conversations really resonated with me. Maybe it’s because I’m not really interested in talking about what everyone is watching on Netflix, or other such topics.

I was shocked and disappointed to see action taken by my alma mater, the University of Minnesota Law School, to "obey in advance." The way diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives have been maligned and deliberately misunderstood saddens me. Now that they are being called illegal is extraordinarily concerning.

Finally, Derek Thompson wrote a really interesting piece about how time spent on our phones exhausts us to the point where it’s easy to cancel on real life plans. It’s called “The Antisocial Century,” and worth your time.

February Book Recommendations

I believe the new administration has banned all federal references to Black History Month. Since I am not a member of any federal institution and therefore not at risk of being fired for noncompliance, I hereby offer these books for your consideration:

NONFICTION:

Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

In a recent interview I did, I talked about how memoir has the power to move us, or bore us to tears, depending on how it is written. The title aptly describes how my heart felt while reading this stunning book.

FICTION:

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

I’m planning a video post with a more thorough review of this book…for now, you can click on the link above to find out more.

BONUS FICTION

James by Percival Everett

This is a re-imagining of Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn as told from the perspective of Jim.

Who's Ready for the Audiobook?

I’m so excited to share that the audiobook version of Crossing Fifty-One has been released!

CLICK HERE TO ORDER!

As I mentioned in the last email, I have a few promotional codes for free copies that I’d love to share in exchange for an honest review.

Just reply to this email and I’ll send you a code, but hurry… supplies are limited!

Thanks so much for your support and I hope you enjoy this version of my story - I’m so proud of how it’s turned out!

Until next time,

Debbie

Coming Soon!

Friends!

The next phase of expanding the audience for Crossing Fifty-One is almost here!

I’m thrilled to announce that the audiobook version has completed production and is about to launch.

If you’re on Instagram, click on the post below to meet my fantastic narrator/producer Cass Parker!

cassparthefriendlyghost A post shared by @cassparthefriendlyghost

I will be getting a limited number of promo codes for free audiobooks. I’d like to give them away in exchange for an HONEST review!

If you’re interested, reply to this email and I’ll get you on the list.

Stay tuned for more details!

~ Debbie

HO HO HO!

This past Saturday, the Winter Solstice ushered in a week of holiday celebrations. Today, I observe Festivus with an airing of a grievance on my Morning Musing.

Wednesday will bring more celebrations for Christmas and the first day of Hanukkah, followed by Kwanzaa on Thursday. It’s a big, festive week!

According to Wikipedia, the dates for Hanukkah are based on the Hebrew month of Kislev, which usually coincides with November-December in the Gregorian calendar. This year, Hanukkah will be celebrated from Dec. 25, 2024, through Jan. 2, 2025. It’s only the fifth time since 1900 that Hanukkah falls on Christmas Day. Also…did you know that Kwanzaa may be celebrated by any African American, of any religion, or of no religion? I think that’s awesome!

But I digress…

I’m sharing this to emphasize that I’m firmly in the camp of wishing people “happy holidays” during this time of year. As made obvious by this week’s schedule, there will be people who celebrate one, more than one, all, or none of the aforementioned holidays. “Happy Holidays” is a nice catch-all, and it most certainly is not indicative of a “war on Christmas.” If anything, I suspect Jesus Christ himself would concur.

And so, because I’m in the throes of baking tasty treats, this holiday greeting is brief, and my book recommendations are below! However, whenever, and with whomever you are celebrating, I wish you peace and joy.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

~ Debbie

DECEMBER BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

FICTION: Winter Solstice by Rosamunde Pilcher

A friend described Rosamunde Pilcher’s books as “comfort reading” and I have to agree. Warning: they are long! But her writing feels like a cozy blanket. I devoured September in the fall, and recommended Winter Solstice to my book club, just based on the title. I’m halfway through and savoring every word!

NON FICTION: Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities by Rebecca Solnit

I checked this book out of my local library in late November, as I was feeling rather hopeless at the time. The author helps the reader zoom out to get a broader view of history and shows us how, as the saying goes: history repeats itself—for both better and worse. Sometimes it takes a hitting of rock bottom for the great awakening. Let’s hope that we are headed for brighter days ahead.

My Obsession with Advice Columns

“What are you doing for the holidays?”

It wasn’t that long ago that this question would cause a pit in my stomach. It’s one that well-meaning professionals like to ask as a general, non-intrusive way to promote conversation. Since my yearly mammograms have now been pushed into December, the very nice technicians have asked me about my Christmas plans, while squishing my boobs in that vice grip of the mammogram machine.

And, for the second year in a row, I’ve answered honestly:

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