Debra Shigley's Blog, page 2

Can a Long-Distance Marriage Last? Via Today Show

Yesterday I spoke on the Today Show about the trend of commuter marriages. More than 3.5 million people are in commuter marriages, and over the past three years, there’s been an uptick in the number of women in commuter marriages (in part because women are more dedicated to their own careers now). It may surprise you to know that these relationships are at no higher risk for divorce than traditional marriages.

Check out the segment here!

Can a Long-Distance Marriage Last? via Today Show

Yesterday I spoke on the Today Show about the trend of commuter marriages. More than 3.5 million people are in commuter marriages, and over the past three years, there's been an uptick in the number of women in commuter marriages (in part because women are more dedicated to their own careers now). It may surprise you to know that these relationships are at no higher risk for divorce than traditional marriages.

Check out the segment below!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Dish on WXIA

Exciting news to share! I recently became a contributor to a daily-ish hot topics panel on the Atlanta NBC station, WXIA. It's been so much fun to be part of this project– basically my dream job to be able to weigh in on the day's most-talked about stories (and use a little of that law school training in the debate!). Here's one of the segments from this week, chatting about faith in politics, a woman who claims she was fired for her underwire bra, and the prospect of MP3 players for federal prisoners.

If you're in the Atlanta area, The Dish airs on 11 Alive during the 5 – 7 am broadcast. I hope you'll tune in!

How to Negotiate a Raise via CNN

I recently spoke with CNN about tips for women to earn their worth in the work world. If you're thinking about asking for a raise (and given the gross disparity in wages between men and women, you likely should be!), try these tips:

Choose to negotiate. Although there has been new research challenging the notion that women don't ask for raises, it's my experience coaching women and particularly millennial women that they are still hesitant to ask for more money or benefits. The biggest improvement most women can make is choosing to negotiate in the first place.
Gather your arsenal. You need to research the going rate for your contributions. Look at sites like salary.com and glassdoor.com to get comps for what you should be making. Also, practice your pitch. Do a mock conversation with a friend or mentor to build confidence– and brainstorm responses to inevitable counterarguments.
Quantify your Accomplishments. Never focus on why you need a raise, but instead why you've earned it. Be ready to list all your accomplishments in a manner that matters to management. Instead of simply naming what you did, describe the results. What customers or $$$ did you bring to the company? How did you directly contribute to the bottom line?
Think like a tiger mom. Research has shown that women feel much more comfortable asking for things when negotiating on behalf of someone else– as would an agent, or a mom negotiating for her child! Visualize and think, how would you make a case for them? Then, take your own advice!
Take "No" for "not now." We often hear, 'don't take no for an answer'– but that's not very practical advice when it comes to an employment situation and you need the job! If your boss turns down the raise, use the opportunity to get real feedback about what you can do to get a yes next time. Say, "It would really help my future efforts to know what, specifically, I can do to earn this raise." Get your boss to commit to a timeline of when she'll reconsider– and follow up in 3, 6, 9 months, etc.

How to Succeed in the Job Hunt via CBS Atlanta

Yesterday I spoke with cbsatlanta.com about tips for standing out in the job hunt. We covered how you can use social media to find contacts at your dream company, and the all important use of "key words" to save your resume from the so-called black hole. Check out the video above!

Did you Know Men Are Outearning Women by 100%

Are you getting what you're worth at work? Probably not. Yesterday I spoke with WABC about a new report that shows men outearn women in nearly every major U.S. market. In many places the gap is more than 100%! Yet, at the same time, a recent study by Catalyst has challenged the myth that women "don't ask" for promotions and raises. They found that some women do in fact ask– they just aren't offered as much in return. How can you reconcile this information and do your best to close your own pay gap? Check out the video below for some my tips:

How to Negotiate Your Salary

Are you getting what you're worth at work? Probably not. Yesterday I spoke with WABC about a new report that shows men outearn women in nearly every major U.S. market. In many places the gap is more than 100%! Yet, at the same time, a recent study by Catalyst has challenged the myth that women "don't ask" for promotions and raises. They found that some women do in fact ask– they just aren't offered as much in return. How can you reconcile this information and do your best to close your own pay gap? Here are some my tips:

Choose to negotiate. Although there has been new research challenging the notion that women don't ask for raises, it's my experience coaching women and particularly millennial women that they are still hesitant to ask for more money or benefits. The biggest improvement most women can make is choosing to negotiate in the first place.
Gather your arsenal. You need to research the going rate for your contributions. Look at sites like salary.com and glassdoor.com to get comps for what you should be making. Also, practice your pitch. Do a mock conversation with a friend or mentor to build confidence– and brainstorm responses to inevitable counterarguments.
Quantify your Accomplishments. Never focus on why you need a raise, but instead why you've earned it. Be ready to list all your accomplishments in a manner that matters to management. Instead of simply naming what you did, describe the results. What customers or $$$ did you bring to the company? How did you directly contribute to the bottom line?
Think like a tiger mom. Research has shown that women feel much more comfortable asking for things when negotiating on behalf of someone else– as would an agent, or a mom negotiating for her child! Visualize and think, how would you make a case for them? Then, take your own advice!
Take "No" for "not now." We often hear, 'don't take no for an answer'– but that's not very practical advice when it comes to an employment situation and you need the job! If your boss turns down the raise, use the opportunity to get real feedback about what you can do to get a yes next time. Say, "It would really help my future efforts to know what, specifically, I can do to earn this raise." Get your boss to commit to a timeline of when she'll reconsider– and follow up in 3, 6, 9 months, etc.

Spotlight: Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Harvard MBA. Fluent in Spanish, German, and French (plus a little Dari). Expert multi-tasker as deputy director of the Council on Foreign Relations' Women and Foreign Policy program, contributing editor-at-large for Newsweek and The Daily Beast, and mom to a 10-month-old baby. Gayle Tzemach Lemmon is a woman who got up at 4 a.m. to squeeze writing a (NY Times bestselling) book around a full-time job and actually conducted an interview for a Newsweek story from the hospital when her baby was five days old. She's driven by some wise words her cousin once told her. "He said, 'Changing your life is supposed to be this hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it.' In other words, don't try to go around the work. You have to go through it," she says. I caught up with Gayle one morning to learn a few more of her secrets.

I believe in having a plan A, B, and C. You can't say I'm going to "follow my passion" unless you can also make sure the rent gets paid. I learned this because my mom and aunt were single moms who worked more than one job to make rent.

I try to work out six days a week. It really helped me manage the hormone swings after pregnancy. I do a combination of yoga, dance, and classes at the Tracy Anderson studio.

I recently switched to an iPhone. But I miss my Blackberry keyboard! Now it takes me an hour to send one message.

I've been a vegetarian since I was little, to the horror of my family, and try to follow a vegan diet. When I'm traveling [to far-off places], I eat a lot of protein bars, especially Think Thin ones. Afghan food is great. Airplane food is not.

I live by the words of strong women in my family. My mother used to say, "On a scale of major world tragedies, yours isn't even a three." Meaning, keep it all in perspective. My aunt would say, "After the dance [i.e., once you make your dream happen], they can't take it away from you." And my grandma always encouraged me to take big leaps and not dwell on the downside. She reminded me, "McDonald's is always hiring."

To learn more about Gayle, visit her website. And, check out her fantastic TEDx speech here.

New Year, New Gig!

Exciting news! I've recently been named Editor-At-Large for career website TheGrindstone. Check out this site for all the latest news, gossip, and research for professional women– delivered with a fun twist. Their tagline? "Where work comes to play."

My column will appear a few times a month, and I'll be acting as their spokesperson on tv. Here are two of my latest segments, on Today Show, chatting about career change, and CNN, with tips for Creative Resolutions.

Women: Move Beyond Micro-Hopes

Wanted to share this great video I caught on thegrindstone.com of a talk Gayle Tzemach Lemmon gave at a TEDx event. Lemmon is a fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations, a contributing editor-at-large for Newsweek Daily Beast, and author of the New York Times bestseller The Dressmaker of Khair Khana. I'll be needing to download that to my ipad asap.

In the presentation she talks about her work women interviewing women entrepreneurs all over the world, and urges women to think beyond "micro-hopes" and "micro-ambitions." Just watch it. You'll be inspired.