Marty Nemko's Blog, page 385

Toward Renewal Tips for an ever faster spinning world

Renewal is a Christmas theme but whatever your religion or an atheist like me, year-end is one of the few times our world slows down enough to offer a chance for renewal.
But many of us don’t make conscious effort to reinvigorate. My PsychologyToday.com article today offers ideas that may help.

Dying Well: How to Deal With a Terminal Illness

My mom, Seva Nemko, playing with my granddaughter Lea.I'm grateful that Time.com was willing to publish my article on a most difficult-to-discuss issue: How to deal with a terminal illness. I'm also grateful that I can write about this without me or anyone I know having a terminal disease. My mom did and my experience helping her die well informed this article and I like to think she would have been happy to know that her dying may have benefited others.

When It’s Hard to Feel Grateful

Around Christmastime, we’re particularly exhorted to feel gratitude. But if you’ve had a tough year and especially a tough life, it can be difficult to feel grateful. Perhaps you were unemployed, lonely, depressed, and/or suffer a physical illness.
My PsychologyToday.com article today offers some questions might help you find at least a bit to be grateful for. That can help you enjoy the Christmas season at least a little more.

A Fashion Executive's Candid, Anonymous Disclosures About the Fashion Industry

Meryl Streep the fashion executive and Anne Hathaway, her assistant.It appears that the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, understates the realities of the fashion industry.

I wish I could write about this in one of the media outlets for which I write but it's off-topic. Also I have only one person's reportage on this and she has asked for anonymity. So the following doesn't rise to a journalistic standard I'd feel comfortable sending for publication beyond on my personal blog.

With that disclosure made, here are some of the nuggets this New York fashion executive shared with me today. She told me that the following are norms in the fashion industry.

These all are pretty close to what she said verbatim. I mainly just edited out irrelevant bits and distilled sentences. But the operative language and contentions are hers: 

"The executives will do whatever they can to sabotage their fellow executives. They act like they like them but it's all a fake. For example, an executive sent her admin out to the Spy Store to get itching powder to put on seats where the other executives will be sitting in an upcoming meeting with the Big Boss."

"Executives receive flowers all the time as an obligatory thank you. If it's a mere dozen roses, they consider that an insult and send it back with the deliveryperson. What's an acceptable-size bouquet? One that fills a small table, roughly 3-feet square. AND the flowers cannot just come from any florist. They must come from one of the few super-elite New York florists, for example, Miho."

"Fashion executives' 'return policy' extends to jewelry. When David Yurman sends a "thank you" piece of jewelry, if it's not big enough, it's considered an insult and it goes back."

"At least 50% of women can cry on demand. 75% in the fashion industry." 


(Here, it's my wording and expansion, but she made the core point.) In most journalism, there's a firewall between advertising and editorial. But in fashion, the models in the actual magazine (not in ads,) are disproportionately wearing clothes and jewelry made by manufacturers that advertise in the magazine. 

"How do you get ahead? Eat her out. With many women, that can help. Really. At least in my industry."

"They all submit false receipts. They'll go out to a fancy store and buy something for themselves and then submit it is an expense necessary for a photo shoot, thank-you present, whatever."

No wonder fashion is so expensive. 

I think I'll keep my clothes basic.

Hiring the Best Employees: A better way to find and vet job candidates

Back in June, I wrote a PsychologyToday.com article on how to hire people. 

I recently wrote a complementary one on hiring wisely in TIME.  HERE is a version of that article with just a few small improvements.

A Rose in December: A Christmas story that happened today.

As part of today’s daily hike with my doggie, Einstein, something remarkable happened--perfect for Christmas. I wrote about it as my PsychologyToday.com article today. 
  

Christmas for Atheists and Agnostics

In December, America redirects much of its attention to Christmas. An agnostic, let alone an atheist, can feel like an outsider.
Some atheists don’t mind that, even welcome it. They prefer to be far from the madding crowd.
But for the atheist and agnostic who want to feel included and to experience Christmas’s many benefits without having to feign allegiance to some omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent deity and his “son,” My PsychologyToday.com article today offers some thoughts.

If Santa Were Real: 17 Questions to Help You Figure Out What You Want, Really Want

In my Psychology Today.com article today, I offer a thought experiment to try. Imagine Santa existed and, even better, that you’d get anything you asked for. What would you ask for?


I present 17 questions to help you decide. While Santa may not actually grant your wish, your answers may tease out something that you or someone you love could actually make real. For each question, I offer a few examples to spur your thinking.

If Santa Were Real 17 Questions to Help You Figure Out What You Want, Really Want

In my PsychologyToday.com article today, I offer a thought experiment to try. Imagine Santa existed and, even better, that you’d get anything you asked for. What would you ask for?
I present 17 questions to help you decide. While Santa may not actually grant your wish, your answers may tease out something that you or someone you love could actually make real. For each question, I offer a few examples to spur your thinking.

14 Gifts for the Psychologically Attuned

In my PsychologyToday.com article yesterday, I suggested a dozen books you might give to psychologically attuned readers. But not everyone would welcome a book. So today's article offersa baker’s dozen of gifts for other psychologically oriented folks on your gift list.