Roxanna Elden's Blog, page 18
August 15, 2015
What Makes Writing Funny? (Humor Writing Mini-Course, Class 1)
Welcome to the first lesson of your 4-week, humor writing mini course. Today we’ll look at some examples of what makes things funny, and do an overview of the four most popular humor theories, ending with the one you’ll probably find most helpful in your writing. At the end, we’ll focus on tuning your mental radio to the humor nerd station so you can see the possibilities for humor all around you.
Part 1: Examples of Humor Writing -What Makes These Funny?
Directions: As you read the examples of below, think about which of them makes you laugh and why. Under the examples you’ll find a few noteworthy responses from the in-class discussion. One important thing to keep in mind – during this exercise, I specifically asked students NOT to discuss the things they didn’t like or that didn’t make them laugh. The reason for this is simple: If you focus on enjoying someone else’s writing before you sit down to write, you will be in the right frame of mind to enjoy writing. If you’re lucky, you’ll even find yourself channeling what works into your own writing. On the other hand, if you put yourself in the mindset of nitpicking someone else’s work, you’ll be waking up your snarky inner critic, who will continue to sit on your shoulder and make a-hole comments as you write. (The same thing happens with dancing – if you go to a club and spend the first ten minutes leaning against the wall and making fun of other people’s dance moves, don’t be surprised if you stay leaning against the wall the whole time. The point of these opening exercises are to get you on the dance floor.)
Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits
Dave Barry
Chapter 1: Why Humor Is Funny
As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are interested in the basic nature of humor. “What kind of a sick, perverted, disgusting person are you,” these letters typically ask, “that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?”
And that, of course, is the wonderful thing about humor. What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. But most people agree on what is funny, and most people like to be around a person with a great sense of humor, provided he also has reasonable hygiene habits. This is why people so often ask me: “Dave, I’d like to be popular, too. How can I get a sense of humor like yours, only with less of a dependence on jokes that are primarily excuses to use the word ‘booger’?”
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Self-Inflicted Wounds: Heartwarming Tales of Epic Humiliation
Aisha Tyler
Being a comedian requires and extremely high threshold of psychic pain. You must be able to tolerate humiliation, learn to resist is, defy it, crave it even. You must make love to embarrassment, tongue kiss abjection, clasp emotional injury close to your heaving breast. You cannot fear the mocking of others; you must face it as a brave, if utterly doomed, Roman soldier. Because the truth is that sometimes the audience may actually be laughing at you and not with you. And that needs to be okay.
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Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)
Mindy Kaling
Section: I Love Diets
I wish I could be one of those French women you read about who stays thin by eating only the most gourmet food in tiny, ascetic portions, but I could never do that. First of all, I largely don’t like gourmet food. I like frozen yogurt.
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Bossypants
Tina Fey
Why is this book called Bossypants? One, because the name Two and a Half Men was already taken. And two, because ever since I became the executive producer of 30 Rock, people ask me, “Is it hard for you, being the boss?” and “Is it uncomfortable for you to be the person in charge?” You know, in that same way they say, “Gosh, Mr. Trump, is it awkward for you to be the boss of all these people?” I can’t answer for Mr. Trump, but in my case, it is not.
Noteworthy responses from in-class discussion
Strong voice and rhythm: The most common phrases during this discussion were things like, “I hear the voice,” “You can imagine the voice out loud,” and, “Conversational tone.” Some of the English teachers in the crowd (and watch out, because some of us are always in every writing class crowd) pointed out things like commas, question marks, and a mix of short and long sentences that influenced the rhythm of the sentences. The takeaway? Rhythm is an important of writing. Especially humor writing. And yes, your English teachers are correct when they say punctuation is an important part of rhythm.
Unexpected opposites: Several students mentioned opposites; sentences that start out over the top and then get suddenly quiet; sentences that start out sweet and turn suddenly evil; authors like Dave Barry, who make you like them and then suddenly insult you; or the juxtaposition of things we might consider opposite, like when Aisha Tyler says, “making love to embarrassment.” The key words are “opposite” and “suddenly.” Keep these in mind during class three, when we discuss the basic tools of standup comedy.
Word choice is important: Someone in the class noted that Tina Fey makes a point to say, “Mr. Trump,” not Donald or Donald Trump, and that made the sentence funnier. Everyone agreed. And a few people – I suspect it was the English teachers again – pointed out that strong imagery, like Dave Barry’s “setting fire to a goat,” led to funny lines.
With that in mind, let’s move onto…
An overview of the Four Main Humor Theories
Relief theory: Humor relieves psychological tension by allowing us to face our fears, release nervous energy, and overcome inhibitions.
Examples:
(Paraphrased from standup comic Jim Gaffigan): “The worst is when you ask someone out and they turn you down. ‘Cause what they’re really saying is, ‘you know what? I don’t even feel like eating a free meal around you.’”
(Paraphrased from standup comic Louis CK): “My doctor asked me, well, at what point do you feel full and stop eating? I said, the meal isn’t over when I’m full! The meal is over when I hate myself!”
Superiority theory (traced back to philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, and Thomas Hobbes): We laugh at the misfortunes and shortcomings of others because it makes us feel better about ourselves.
Examples:
(Paraphrased from standup comic Demitri Martin) “A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, it starts in a box and moves into a home”
(Paraphrased from millions of playgrounds) “Yo momma’s so fat…”
Incongruity theory (AKA Surprise theory): We laugh when our perception of a situation suddenly changes.
Examples:
(From Greg Dean’s Step-by-Step to Standup, which breaks down how to write this type of joke.)”My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep. But the kids on his bus were screaming.”
(From standup comic Demitri Martin): “I am a man of my word. And that word is unreliable.”
(Also from standup comic Demitri Martin) “I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing… unless you’re at a funeral.”
Benign Violation Theory (by Psychologist Peter McGraw): We think something is funny when it violates our sense of what is okay but is also benign enough not to offend us too badly. (More on this in The Humor Code, by Peter McGraw and Joel Warner.)
Examples: Presumably, any of the jokes above, if you found them funny.
Video Break: Watch this short video of Tim Graw’s TEDx Talk on the Benign Violation Theory
Today’s Assignment: Tune Your Mental Radio to the Humor Nerd Station
This week, reread a few things you have found funny in the past. These can be books, cartoons, or online humor. (You can also listen to standup comics, but keep in mind that written work has its own rhythm and format. If you’re trying to write funny, the best thing you can do is read funny writing.)
As you read, try to answer the following questions:
1. How does this fit into the “surprise theory” of humor? At what point in this piece of writing does the author surprise readers with the opposite of what they expected? Is that where you laughed?
2. How does this fit into the “benign violation theory” of humor? What makes this piece of writing a little bit of a violation (in other words, it surprises us a little or maybe even makes us a little uncomfortable)? What makes it benign enough not to offend us too much?
See you next week.
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Click here to navigate back to the class overview, which contains links to all lessons.
+++++
The humor writing mini-course is a free, four-week email series. If you’re not enrolled in the class and want to start these lessons from the beginning, click here to sign up.
(Note: I don’t like to overload any of my lists with unwanted emails, so even if you are signed up for one of my main email lists, you will need to click the link above to sign up for the course.)
Humor Writing Mini-Course, Class 1: What Makes Writing Funny?
Welcome to your first class of the humor writing mini course. Today we’ll look at some examples of what makes things funny, and do an overview of the four most popular humor theories, ending with the one you’ll probably find most helpful in your writing. At the end, we’ll focus on tuning your mental radio to the humor nerd station so you can see the possibilities for humor all around you.
Part 1: Examples of Humor Writing -What Makes These Funny?
Directions: As you read the examples of below, think about which of them makes you laugh and why. Under the examples you’ll find a few noteworthy responses from the in-class discussion. One important thing to keep in mind – during this exercise, I specifically asked students NOT to discuss the things they didn’t like or that didn’t make them laugh. The reason for this is simple: If you focus on enjoying someone else’s writing before you sit down to write, you will be in the right frame of mind to enjoy writing. If you’re lucky, you’ll even find yourself channeling what works into your own writing. On the other hand, if you put yourself in the mindset of nitpicking someone else’s work, you’ll be waking up your snarky inner critic, who will continue to sit on your shoulder and make a-hole comments as you write. (The same thing happens with dancing – if you go to a club and spend the first ten minutes leaning against the wall and making fun of other people’s dance moves, don’t be surprised if you stay leaning against the wall the whole time. The point of these opening exercises are to get you on the dance floor.)
Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits
Dave Barry
Chapter 1: Why Humor Is Funny
As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are interested in the basic nature of humor. “What kind of a sick, perverted, disgusting person are you,” these letters typically ask, “that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?”
And that, of course, is the wonderful thing about humor. What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. But most people agree on what is funny, and most people like to be around a person with a great sense of humor, provided he also has reasonable hygiene habits. This is why people so often ask me: “Dave, I’d like to be popular, too. How can I get a sense of humor like yours, only with less of a dependence on jokes that are primarily excuses to use the word ‘booger’?”
++++++
Self-Inflicted Wounds: Heartwarming Tales of Epic Humiliation
Aisha Tyler
Being a comedian requires and extremely high threshold of psychic pain. You must be able to tolerate humiliation, learn to resist is, defy it, crave it even. You must make love to embarrassment, tongue kiss abjection, clasp emotional injury close to your heaving breast. You cannot fear the mocking of others; you must face it as a brave, if utterly doomed, Roman soldier. Because the truth is that sometimes the audience may actually be laughing at you and not with you. And that needs to be okay.
++++++
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)
Mindy Kaling
Section: I Love Diets
I wish I could be one of those French women you read about who stays thin by eating only the most gourmet food in tiny, ascetic portions, but I could never do that. First of all, I largely don’t like gourmet food. I like frozen yogurt.
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Bossypants
Tina Fey
Why is this book called Bossypants? One, because the name Two and a Half Men was already taken. And two, because ever since I became the executive producer of 30 Rock, people ask me, “Is it hard for you, being the boss?” and “Is it uncomfortable for you to be the person in charge?” You know, in that same way they say, “Gosh, Mr. Trump, is it awkward for you to be the boss of all these people?” I can’t answer for Mr. Trump, but in my case, it is not.
Noteworthy responses from in-class discussion
Strong voice and rhythm: The most common phrases during this discussion were things like, “I hear the voice,” “You can imagine the voice out loud,” and, “Conversational tone.” Some of the English teachers in the crowd (and watch out, because some of us are always in every writing class crowd) pointed out things like commas, question marks, and a mix of short and long sentences that influenced the rhythm of the sentences. The takeaway? Rhythm is an important of writing. Especially humor writing. And yes, your English teachers are correct when they say punctuation is an important part of rhythm.
Unexpected opposites: Several students mentioned opposites; sentences that start out over the top and then get suddenly quiet; sentences that start out sweet and turn suddenly evil; authors like Dave Barry, who make you like them and then suddenly insult you; or the juxtaposition of things we might consider opposite, like when Aisha Tyler says, “making love to embarrassment.” The key words are “opposite” and “suddenly.” Keep these in mind during class three, when we discuss the basic tools of standup comedy.
Word choice is important: Someone in the class noted that Tina Fey makes a point to say, “Mr. Trump,” not Donald or Donald Trump, and that made the sentence funnier. Everyone agreed. And a few people – I suspect it was the English teachers again – pointed out that strong imagery, like Dave Barry’s “setting fire to a goat,” led to funny lines.
With that in mind, let’s move onto…
An overview of the Four Main Humor Theories
Relief theory: Humor relieves psychological tension by allowing us to face our fears, release nervous energy, and overcome inhibitions.
Examples:
(Paraphrased from standup comic Jim Gaffigan): “The worst is when you ask someone out and they turn you down. ‘Cause what they’re really saying is, ‘you know what? I don’t even feel like eating a free meal around you.’”
(Paraphrased from standup comic Louis CK): “My doctor asked me, well, at what point do you feel full and stop eating? I said, the meal isn’t over when I’m full! The meal is over when I hate myself!”
Superiority theory (traced back to philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, and Thomas Hobbes): We laugh at the misfortunes and shortcomings of others because it makes us feel better about ourselves.
Examples:
(Paraphrased from standup comic Demitri Martin) “A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, it starts in a box and moves into a home”
(Paraphrased from millions of playgrounds) “Yo momma’s so fat…”
Incongruity theory (AKA Surprise theory): We laugh when our perception of a situation suddenly changes.
Examples:
(From Greg Dean’s Step-by-Step to Standup, which breaks down how to write this type of joke.)”My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep. But the kids on his bus were screaming.”
(From standup comic Demitri Martin): “I am a man of my word. And that word is unreliable.”
(Also from standup comic Demitri Martin) “I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing… unless you’re at a funeral.”
Benign Violation Theory (by Psychologist Peter McGraw): We think something is funny when it violates our sense of what is okay but is also benign enough not to offend us too badly. (More on this in The Humor Code, by Peter McGraw and Joel Warner.)
Examples: Presumably, any of the jokes above, if you found them funny.
Video Break: Watch this short video of Tim Graw’s TEDx Talk on the Benign Violation Theory
Today’s Assignment: Tune Your Mental Radio to the Humor Nerd Station
This week, reread a few things you have found funny in the past. These can be books, cartoons, or online humor. (You can also listen to standup comics, but keep in mind that written work has its own rhythm and format. If you’re trying to write funny, the best thing you can do is read funny writing.)
As you read, try to answer the following questions:
1. How does this fit into the “surprise theory” of humor? At what point in this piece of writing does the author surprise readers with the opposite of what they expected? Is that where you laughed?
2. How does this fit into the “benign violation theory” of humor? What makes this piece of writing a little bit of a violation (in other words, it surprises us a little or maybe even makes us a little uncomfortable)? What makes it benign enough not to offend us too much?
See you next week.
+++++
Click here to navigate back to the class overview, which contains links to all lessons.
+++++
The humor writing mini-course is a free, four-week email series. If you’re not enrolled in the class and want to start these lessons from the beginning, click here to sign up.
(Note: I don’t like to overload any of my lists with unwanted emails, so even if you are signed up for one of my main email lists, you will need to click the link above to sign up for the course.)
August 14, 2015
Humor Writing Mini-Class: Overview and Recommended Reading
This is an online-friendly version of a four-week course I taught through The Center for Writing and Literature at Miami-Dade College. The class was a great chance to spend time with other writers and use my nerdly passion for studying what makes things funny. It will probably be a long time before I’ll teach the same class again, so I’m putting them online for other people who want to learn to make their writing funny. You can use the menu below to navigate through the examples and activities (I’m in the process of uploading them now, so you may have to check back in for later activities) or sign up here to receive the most current versions of activities and exercises once a week for four weeks.
Making It Funny: The Art and Science of Humor Writing
Instructor: Roxanna Elden
Course Description: The class begins with a short overview of popular humor theories, then moves onto more concrete aspects of humor, including the setup-punch structure used by standup comics and how to use “comic timing” on paper. We will also read and discuss excerpts of funny writing done well, followed by writing exercises and recommended reading for followup. Will this workshop make you funny? No. Only a lifetime of using humor to cope with emotional pain can do that. But this workshop will teach you use the techniques of professional funny people to enhance the humor in your own writing. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed teaching it.
Week 1: What Makes Things Funny?
Examples/Discussion Topic: What makes these funny?
Overview of Four Main Humor Theories
Video: The Benign Violation Theory (A TEDx Talk by Tim McGraw)
Assignment: Tune Your Mental Radio to the Humor Nerd Station
Week 2: Using Detail to Add Humor to Your Writing
Examples:
Writing Exercise: Microscope/Telescope
Week 3: Using The Tools of Standup Comedy to Make Your Writing Funnier
Week 4: Self Editing Tips for Humor Writing
Followup: Finding Humor Writing Buddies / Tips For Writers
Recommended Reading and Excerpts Used In Class
Funny Books Used As Class Examples (Plus a Few Other Personal Favorites)
Surviving your Stupid, Stupid Decision to go to Grad School, Adam Ruben
I’m Down, Mishna Wolff
Promise Land: My Journey Through America’s Self-Help Culture, Jessica Lamb-Shapiro
We Learn Nothing: Essays,Tim Kreider
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Mindy Kaling
Bossypants, Tina Fey
You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas, Augusten Borroughs
Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits, Dave Barry
Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris
Studies of humor and humor writing:
The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny, Peter McGraw and Joel Warner – A book that combines humor theory with an international road trip to see what is funny in other countries. The author is the psychologist who gave the TEDx Talk on Benign Violation Theory.
Poking a Dead Frog, Mike Sacks – A collection of advice and interviews about the craft and business of comedy writing
Humor 101, Mitch Earleywine, PhD – A book on the psychology of humor, written by a psychology professor
Advice for Standup Comics (and others who want to be funny while speaking):
Zen and the Art of Standup Comedy, Jay Sankey – A book that talks about all the delicate balances a person has to strike when trying to make an audience laugh. I’ve also found this one helpful as a teacher.
Truth in Comedy, Charna Halpern and Kim Howard Johnson – a short book about improv comedy that also offers insights into what makes things funny.
Step-by-Step to Standup, Greg Dean – A book that breaks down joke structure to help with joke writing.
August 11, 2015
Teacher Filing System for Email Series Subscribers
(Excerpt from the Piles and Files Chapter of See Me After Class: Advice for Teachers by Teachers )
I’ve been to one workshop on classroom organization. I signed up when I realized I would not be successful using my former system, which was cramming all paperwork into one big folder to separate into piles at home. The main thing I learned at the workshop was that some people really enjoy organizing things, and anyone who gives training sessions on how to stay organized is way out of my league. From what I remember, the presentation sounded something like this:
Since your class will already be divided into teams, each team should have a separate color. Whenever you ask students to do something, give five points to the first team to finish, four to the second team, and so on, until everyone is following directions. Be sure to use color-coded chalk to mark down the points. At the end of the day, all you have to do is write down how many points each team has earned in the children’s folders. Then keep track of those points during the week. On Fridays you add up the total points for the year on a chart. . . . I like to have a hanging file folder for each student and a computerized list with each child’s basic information, plus home language, since I speak three languages, and also their birth order. In fact, I recommend you keep a book about birth order behind your desk in your “Child Psychology Book” file. . . . When you color-code your . . . bla bla bla . . . You probably already have index cards with all the information about . . . And if you don’t have extra copies of . . . It would just be irresponsible not to be able to show parents that you have everything dated and typed when you . . . Sometimes you will want to organize your data by student ID, but other times you will want to arrange things by . . . It is best to have a different colored file for each . . . bla bla bla . . . spreadsheet . . . bla bla bla . . . laminate . . . bla bla bla . . . plastic sheet protectors . . . just to make your life easier.
I slumped farther down in my chair every time I heard the words color-coded or of course you have already. By the end of the presentation, only my neck and shoulders were touching the seat. I was no more organized, but I was fully convinced I had no business being a teacher—or maybe even alive—at my current organizational level.
The only thing that made me feel better was that the presenter forgot to give out the required evaluation at the end of the session. This meant that (1) she had to track down everyone to send us evaluation forms and (2) maybe her organization system wasn’t so perfect after all.
I never did start using plastic sheet protectors, but over time my “Things to Do Soon” folder evolved into a decent filing system. I am proud to announce my desk no longer looks like I am building a fort. Even more surprising, the filing systems in the book have gotten more mentions in more Amazon reviews than any other part of the book besides the classroom management chapter. The lists are meant to provide a starting point give you a starting point you can adjust to fit your needs.
They include:
-A low-Maintenance, one-box filing system for almost any paper that touches your desk
-A five-tray (maybe four tray) system for daily teacher paperwork
-Two types of student record folders
Here is a description of the five-tray system, which you can create quickly using five stackable trays on, behind, or next to your desk:
Inbox: This is where you put incoming paperwork you actually need to handle, including papers that get delivered to your classroom, and the most important papers from your office mailbox. Note: Not everything that you find in your office mailbox should make it to this file. In fact, much of what ends up in your mailbox – catalogues, special offers for union-member car insurance, etc. – is stuff you can leave in the recycling bin in the main office. The inbox should only contain papers that require action on your part. Best of all, if you can train yourself to always put these papers in the inbox and then only look in the inbox for papers that require action, your desk will stay clean. Or so I’ve heard.
Papers to grade: This is where you put papers you plan to grade and record in your grade book, divided into folders by period or subject. When you collect an assignment from the class, put a paperclip on all the papers and put it in the appropriate folder. Then put the folder back in the tray and leave it there indefinitely until you stop putting off grading pull it out during the time you’ve scheduled to grade papers.
The “Middle” File: This is where you put student work that you’re pretty sure is just for practice and that probably won’t make it into your grade book (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, there is more detail on this in the Grading Work Without Hating Work chapter). This file acts as a secret, time-release garbage can behind your desk that will save you the trouble of sorting through a three-foot pile of papers. Label it with a vague yet important-sounding name. File papers when you collect them and eventually discard them if no one has asked about them.
Papers to File or Hand Back: This is where you keep graded that need to be filed in student work folders or passed back to students. Divide them into periods if applicable. If you have student aides who pass back or file graded work, this is where they should know to find it.
Parents to contact: If you use the student record folder system described in the book, this is where you keep track of parents you need to contact. Remove the student’s record folder from your file drawer and place it in this tray. After you have spoken to the parent, document the conversation and refile the folder. If you have another system for managing parent contact, you don’t need this tray.
© 2015, Roxanna Elden
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August 7, 2015
Quiz: What’s Your Most Natural Teaching Style?
Teachers often learn the hard way that weaknesses in our personal lives can carry over to our teaching styles. The good news is that the skills and strengths that we had before we started waking up at 5 AM are still there, also. Consider your answers to the questions below as you try to channel your personal strengths into classroom success.
What are your interests outside of school?
Being well versed in your subject and in instructional strategies is important, but it’s also important to be well rounded. Your free time activities provide a clue to the type of above-and-beyond moves that will recharge you instead of draining your energy. As a fourth grade teacher, I was able to motivate students by promising a short caricature lesson at the end of the day – a skill I learned during a summer job in college. Other teachers have sparked enthusiasm by playing guitar in class, or sponsoring clubs based on common interests.
What are your “disinterests?”
Extra effort can pay off, but beware of signing on to spend personal time on activities you hate. As an un-athletic, uncoordinated person with negative memories of childhood sports, I realized too late it was a bad idea to start a fourth grade soccer team. It turns out that coaching team sports not only involved standing in the sun for hours, but also scheduling games, ordering uniforms, getting insurance, and trying to get the kids to stop arguing over whether a play was fair, which is surprisingly hard to do when your only knowledge of a sport comes from a For Dummies guide book. Extra curricular volunteer activities should never feel like more of a chore than your actual job requirements.
What personal challenges have you overcome?
No need to rewrite your college admissions essay here. Just remember that the hurdles you cleared growing up make you a role model for students charting their own courses. These can include huge obstacles like health problems and poverty, but also kid-level issues like not making the cheerleading squad. A teacher who overcame shyness may have a few extra insights to offer kids with stage fright before a class presentation. Teachers who struggled in a given subject area may have more patience for slow starters, or even step-by-step tricks that the naturals never had to learn. Plus, when teaching becomes a challenge in itself, it helps to remember you have beaten the odds before.
What made you think you would be a good teacher in the first place?
Try to think past the basic “I love kids” answer. First of all, there are days as a new teacher when you’re not sure you love kids as much as you thought you did. Second, the traits that make an effective teacher sometimes contradict each other: ambition and patience, humor and sensitivity, creativity and structure. There is no recipe for a perfect teacher, so work with the ingredients you have. If you are creative, work an artistic spin into your lessons and classroom setup. If you are computer savvy, set up a class website. Be realistic about your strengths, though. It is not in anyone’s best interest to start a half-hearted art project or a website that sits neglected in cyber-space collecting cyber-dust and guilt. Adapt your classroom routines to let you be the kind of teacher you hoped to be, and you may remember that you do love kids after all. At least most of the time.
© 2015, Roxanna Elden
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To receive additional tips, updates, and resources about twice a month, Click here to join the See Me After Class email list.
Quiz: What’s Your Teaching Style?
Teachers often learn the hard way that weaknesses in our personal lives can carry over to our teaching styles. The good news is that the skills and strengths that we had before we started waking up at 5 AM are still there, also. Consider your answers to the questions below as you try to channel your personal strengths into classroom success.
What are your interests outside of school?
Being well versed in your subject and in instructional strategies is important, but it’s also important to be well rounded. Your free time activities provide a clue to the type of above-and-beyond moves that will recharge you instead of draining your energy. As a fourth grade teacher, I was able to motivate students by promising a short caricature lesson at the end of the day – a skill I learned during a summer job in college. Other teachers have sparked enthusiasm by playing guitar in class, or sponsoring clubs based on common interests.
What are your “disinterests?”
Extra effort can pay off, but beware of signing on to spend personal time on activities you hate. As an un-athletic, uncoordinated person with negative memories of childhood sports, I realized too late it was a bad idea to start a fourth grade soccer team. It turns out that coaching team sports not only involved standing in the sun for hours, but also scheduling games, ordering uniforms, getting insurance, and trying to get the kids to stop arguing over whether a play was fair, which is surprisingly hard to do when your only knowledge of a sport comes from a For Dummies guide book. Extra curricular volunteer activities should never feel like more of a chore than your actual job requirements.
What personal challenges have you overcome?
No need to rewrite your college admissions essay here. Just remember that the hurdles you cleared growing up make you a role model for students charting their own courses. These can include huge obstacles like health problems and poverty, but also kid-level issues like not making the cheerleading squad. A teacher who overcame shyness may have a few extra insights to offer kids with stage fright before a class presentation. Teachers who struggled in a given subject area may have more patience for slow starters, or even step-by-step tricks that the naturals never had to learn. Plus, when teaching becomes a challenge in itself, it helps to remember you have beaten the odds before.
What made you think you would be a good teacher in the first place?
Try to think past the basic “I love kids” answer. First of all, there are days as a new teacher when you’re not sure you love kids as much as you thought you did. Second, the traits that make an effective teacher sometimes contradict each other: ambition and patience, humor and sensitivity, creativity and structure. There is no recipe for a perfect teacher, so work with the ingredients you have. If you are creative, work an artistic spin into your lessons and classroom setup. If you are computer savvy, set up a class website. Be realistic about your strengths, though. It is not in anyone’s best interest to start a half-hearted art project or a website that sits neglected in cyber-space collecting cyber-dust and guilt. Adapt your classroom routines to let you be the kind of teacher you hoped to be, and you may remember that you do love kids after all. At least most of the time.
© 2015, Roxanna Elden
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To receive additional tips, updates, and resources about twice a month, Click here to join the See Me After Class email list.
August 4, 2015
Entire First Day of School Chapter for Newsletter Subscribers
Thanks for subscribing to the See Me After Class newsletter. As promised, here is the entire chapter on preparing for the first day of school, including shopping lists, lesson-plan must-haves, frequently asked questions, and a two week countdown to-do list. Plus, you’ll see stories from veteran teachers who made it through rough first days to successful careers beyond.
FIRST DAZE
You know the first day of school is the most important, right? Of course you know the first day of school is the most important. You received multiple copies of a 337-page book on the importance of the first day of school. You spent months planning for the first day of school, and . . . you messed up the first day of school.
Now what?
This chapter addresses the three questions most new teachers have about the first day of school: “Where do I start?” “What should I expect?” and, most important, “What if my first day doesn’t go as planned?” (because it never does).
Where You Start
First-Day Shopping List
The rookie-teacher shopping instinct is to buy every object you might use for any possible lesson you might think of one day. When I cleaned out my fourth-grade classroom, I found a strange collection of toys, magnetic letters, and dollar-store puzzle books, still unopened in a cabinet after two years. I also spent my own money on supplies the school gave us for free later in the week. Yet my first day I didn’t have a stapler or rubber bands—two things I needed badly. The following is a list of supplies you may want in stock before school starts, but check what your school provides before buying anything on your own.
Before-School Shopping ListsSupplies to Buy at a Dollar or Discount StoreHit the cheap stores first. You will blow a high enough percentage of your puny salary on classroom supplies this year—you don’t need the best-quality staples.
Manila folders (one for each student and at least 100 extra).
Colored computer paper (buy white paper only if your school does not provide it or you have to slay an evil dragon to get 20 sheets of paper).
Colored pens for grading.
Staplers.
Staples.
Paper clips.
Rubber bands.
Sticky notes.
Scissors.
Sharpies or other permanent markers.
Scotch tape.
Clear packing tape.
A three-hole punch.
A digital kitchen timer (not one that you turn and that makes a ticking sound).
Dry-erase markers or chalk for the board.
Wet-erase or overhead markers if you use a projector.
Chalkboard or marker board erasers.
A spray bottle.
Paper towels.
Tissues.
Hand sanitizer.
Spray cleaner or disinfectant wipes (lots and lots of these).
Supplies to Get at an Office Supply Store
Office supply stores are a little more expensive, but they offer a big, professional-looking selection. Don’t forget to ask for your teacher discount.
Anything on the preceding list you couldn’t find at other stores.
File boxes (if you have no file drawers or plan to use hanging folders for student work).
Hanging folders (if you buy the file boxes).
Stackable trays to organize incoming papers (at least six if you plan to use the system described in the Piles and Files chapter of this book).
A box of pre-sharpened lotto pencils (to lend to students as needed).
A giant, paper desk calendar that matches the months of the academic year.
Supplies to Get at the Teacher Supply Store
Teacher supply stores are the most expensive, but they sell things you can’t find at other stores, like pictures of animals making inspirational statements. Keep in mind that the teacher supply store the week before school starts is like Toys “R” Us on Christmas Eve. It can get ugly.
Something to cover your walls: Most schools supply paper for your bulletin boards. Some provide the border that goes around them, but if you want the fancy stuff with pictures on it, you probably have to buy it yourself. You may also want posters or decorations to make your room feel like a real classroom.
Sticky stuff to put up posters: Sticking decorations to your classroom walls for the whole year usually requires more than tape. There are many options, but I recommend double-sided foam tape.
E-Z Grader: This tool helps you quickly calculate percentages on assignments. It costs about ten dollars, and you’ll know why it’s worth it when you grade your first 17-question quiz.
Stickers: This is one area where the teacher supply store usually has the best value. You can get packages of 800 stickers for five dollars or so.
A whole bunch of other stuff you didn’t know you needed: You’ll see what I mean.
(Note: All filing systems mentioned in this chapter are described in detail in the Piles and Files chapter of the book. I’ll also be including the descriptions as a future newsletter subscriber giveaway. Click here to subscribe now.)
What to Include in Your First-Day Lesson Plan
Please don’t take your first-day cues from any movie where the teacher stands on a desk. The first day of class should be the most structured day of the year, not the most exciting. It’s all about setting the tone so that you can teach with minimum drama the rest of the year. Your first-day lesson plan is really more of a checklist, and it should include the following elements, most of which will take less time than you expect:
Meeting students at the door and quietly directing them to an assigned seat.
Taking attendance and processing no-show students while the class works quietly.
Arranging paperwork for the office while the class works quietly.
Learning as many of your students’ names as possible while the class works quietly.
Collecting parent contact information before students realize they don’t want you to have their parents’ contact information (while the class works quietly).
Explaining expectations to older students and practicing procedures with younger students.
Assigning homework you plan to collect, even if you are only asking students to get papers signed.
Papers You May Want to Give Out the First Day
Student Information Sheet: Schools require parents to fill out emergency information cards, but you will still want to make a form of your own. Older kids can fill this out in class. Younger students should take it home. This paper should include any information you might want later in the year, like home languages or after-school activities. You should also collect as many forms of parent contact info as possible. You can put these in a binder or tape them to the front of manila folders to create the record files described in Chapter 5.
Student Interest Survey: The student interest survey serves two purposes. First, it helps you get to know your students as people. Second, it keeps students busy and quiet while you juggle the demands of the first day. Ask questions that require long answers, but don’t expect the survey to take up too much time. A two-page survey can take as little 10 minutes.
Parent Letter or Syllabus: A letter to parents or a syllabus can explain your expectations, rules, supply list, grading scale, and what you plan to cover in the class. Don’t go into more detail than you can be sure of.
Supply List: If your list of supplies is too long to include in your parent letter or syllabus, send it separately. Talk to coworkers for an idea of what families are used to sending. For younger grades, include classroom supplies like tissues and hand sanitizer—a class of 30 runny noses and 60 dirty hands goes through these things quickly.
Procedures: Make a list of procedures you expect students to follow. Write at a level they can understand.
Long Writing Assignment or Activity Packet (Also known as the “flotation device” activity): If your students are old enough to write on their own, have a long writing assignment prepared for the first day. A well-planned prompt can help you get to know your students, their writing, and their motivation levels. More important, it will take up at least half an hour of class time. If you have other things planned and don’t get to it, that’s fine. However, if you are stuck with an empty half hour after you finish your first-day plans, trust me, you will wish you had a writing assignment. If students are too young to write, make an activity packet based on the letters of the alphabet to keep them coloring for a while.
First-Day Tips from Experienced Teachers
“Always start tougher than you really want to be. Try to give consequences early and make an example of the first student who tests a rule. You can always ease up later, but if you hesitate to give consequences for your rules, kids will sense that.”
“Try to learn names as soon as possible. You can give students an index card and ask them to write their names, seat numbers, one identifying detail, and one thing they would like you to know about them. You can use these to call on students for the rest of the day, and to memorize their names as they work.”
“If you don’t think your class list will be exact, you may want to label desks with numbers instead of names. I tape playing cards to each desk—ace through nine of each suit—which divides the class into four teams. When the kids come in the first day, I hand them a card and say, ‘Good morning. Your seat is the one that matches this card. The rest of the directions are on the board.’ I make seating charts once I know kids better, but this system keeps kids from sitting with their friends or collecting in the back of the room on the first day.”
“Relax, it’s the second, third, and fiftieth days you have to worry about.”
Preparing Your Room and Yourself for Students
You may have already had your first totally-unprepared-teacher dream. I still have this dream near the end of every vacation, and most teachers I’ve discussed it with know exactly what I’m talking about. It changes, of course, but it always goes something like this:
(Scary music begins.) You have somehow slept through a week’s worth of alarm clocks and it is now your first day of school. You get lost or stuck in traffic, so you show up late, and have to walk past your principal in your pajamas/underwear/clothes-you-went-out-in-last-night. Your classroom/subject/class list has been changed without warning, so you walk in completely unprepared to teach a huge rowdy class that includes every bad child you have ever seen—even bullies from your own school days. Then your principal walks in to observe you. . . .
You wake up sweating and realize it was just a dream, but then a thought hits you: school starts in two weeks, and you’re not prepared. (Scary music returns.) Your to-do list swirls into a mental tornado. How will you find time to finish all this stuff?
Ten-Day Countdown to the First Day of School
Every district has a different timeline, but the following example will help you plan your own schedule to make the most of the time you have left.
Ten . . . Plan your discipline strategy in as much detail as possible, including rules, incentives, and consequences. Type your rules poster and expected classrooms procedures. If you feel you don’t know exactly what to say, force yourself to type anyway. Revise later. Start avoiding people who say you chose the wrong career or want to explain why they didn’t become teachers themselves.
Nine . . . Write lesson plans for your first week. Once again, they don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be done.
Eight . . . Start preparing other classroom forms you think you will need: checklists, signature sheets, and so on. Print your rules poster, along with quotes or pictures you want on your walls.
Seven . . . See your classroom before the weekend if possible, and find out what supplies your school provides. Check whether you have a working computer and printer in your room and plan accordingly. Be sure you have the teachers’ guides for the textbooks you will be using, and ask for the curriculum you will need to follow, if any. Meet your principal’s administrative assistant, who you will probably deal more often than the principal. Check with him or her to be sure you are on a 12-month pay schedule, unless you have another way to support yourself over the summer. Meet the other staff who will affect your quality of life: custodians, zone mechanics, and security guards. Start arranging your furniture and think about how to organize and decorate. Then head to the stores with your first-day shopping lists.
“I finally made it to room 19, where I flipped the ‘call office’ button instead of the light switch three times. I found the lights, apologized to the irritated voice coming over the speaker, and looked around the room. It seemed both huge and tiny at the same time, like the length of the school day: huge when I thought about how I would be responsible for filling it, tiny when I thought about how much I would have to fit into it effectively.”
Six . . . Finish shopping. Laminate your posters. Make sure the room is arranged the way you want it, and request any furniture you still need. Then start planning. Add specific textbook pages to your lesson plans. Gather and set up materials for your first week’s lessons. Use a marker to fill in school holidays and testing dates on a calendar – preferably a giant, paper desk calendar that matches the months of the school year. Then, in pencil, try to map out a very basic unit plan for your first month.
(Weekend): Try on your first-day outfit. You probably already know you should dress like the professional that you are, but if you are just starting to buy teacher clothes, there are a few other things you should remember. First, find comfortable work shoes!!! Really. You might not sit down for seven and a half hours. If your feet have blisters on them after 20 minutes, it will feel much longer. Second, make sure your clothes cover what you want them to at all times. Lift your arms up and check your reflection. Do you see stomach or back? Lean forward in the mirror. Is this what you want showing when you bend over to help? If you teach, say, kindergarten, imagine sitting on a chair while the children sit on the floor listening to you read. Change outfits as needed.
Five . . . If you hoped to get lots of productive work done today, the joke’s on you. School districts often schedule new teacher orientation in the week or two before school starts. This means instead of working in your classroom, you will spend two days in a downtown auditorium listening The Wind Beneath My Wings on repeat and learning about the various ways you can get fired. A continental breakfast will be provided.
Four . . . Continue orientation. If you can’t get to school afterward, prepare as much as possible at home. This is a good day to create the behind-your-desk filing system described in the Piles and Files chapter. Once school starts, setting up files won’t feel like much of a priority.
Three . . . Prepare to be blindsided with at least one meeting or training session, but you should still have several hours to work in your room. The good news is your school is now full of veteran teachers whose ideas you can beg, borrow, and steal. You should meet your mentor teacher and the rest of your department today. Ask coworkers about their supply lists, forms, and first-day plans. Make copies of these or revise your own work as needed. Also ask about department-wide discipline systems and procedures.
“I had some plans in mind for class discipline, but I wasn’t quite sure how to get started. I went next door and found other teachers on my grade level preparing discipline folders and cutting out tickets for a department-wide system they had used for years. All I had to do was join the group and prepare my own folders.”
Two . . . Allow time for a few meetings. Finish any forms you haven’t finished yet. Make as many of your first-day copies as you can; then start decorating. You may notice your classroom seems empty compared to those of other teachers. Don’t feel bad—they’ve been collecting decorations for years.
One . . . Finish your copies. Allow time for a few more meetings. You will probably get your class list today, along with some information about what the school requires from teachers on the first day. Revise your first-day plans to include those requirements. Arrange all planned assignments and paperwork to help your day run smoothly. Finish making copies, if possible (the machine will be busy today). Assume any textbooks or furniture that is not in your classroom when you leave today will not be there on Monday morning, even if someone has reassured you that it will be delivered over the weekend. Plan accordingly.
(Final weekend): If you weren’t able to get your copies done at school, head to a copy shop so there’s no room for first-day surprises. It’s also possible you will want to go back to school at this point. Many schools are open the last weekend of summer for all the people who need more than ten days to complete their “ten-day” countdowns.
You won’t have the totally-unprepared-teacher dream the night before school starts—that’s because you won’t be able to sleep until 20 minutes before your alarm clock rings. You’ll probably be running on caffeine and adrenaline your first day, but to be responsible, I’ll also pass on some good advice: The best thing you can do is get up early the day before school starts, exercise during the day, and wind down early so you have some chance of sleeping through the night. At least one of us has to.
Frequently Asked Questions about Starting School
Q: Should I tell students this is my first time teaching?
A: No.
Q: Won’t they know anyway?
A: Probably, so don’t lie about it. Just add this to the long list of personal questions you try to avoid completely, which also includes questions like “How old are you?” “Do you have a boyfriend?” and “Is that a tattoo?”
Q: I really just have one rule in my class: “Respect everyone!” Isn’t that enough?
A: No! First, it’s not your only rule. Don’t you want students to come prepared? On time? Without candy and gum? Second, the word respect itself can be open to interpretation. Does it mean “No cursing”? “Don’t interrupt”? “Don’t smack your lips and curse under your breath when your teacher reminds you not to interrupt”? Respect is important in a classroom, but you will also need concrete, specific rules that are easy to enforce.
Q: My racial/cultural background is different from that of my students. Will they still listen to me?
A: There is both good and bad news for you: The good news is that great teaching crosses cultural lines. Teachers from every culture have successfully taught children from every other culture. Kids need role models who look like them, but they also need to work with and learn from people who are different. The bad news is that race and culture do make a difference. You are likely to have a few incidents that would have played out differently if you looked or sounded more like your students. No paragraph in any book will change this. Your job is to be the best teacher you can possibly be, and hope the differences between you and your students fade into the background.
Q: Can I count on my class list to be accurate?
A: Most public schools are still processing new students the first week, so kids may show up who are not on your list. Plan to have space for new students and time to write down names and sign schedules. You should also know how to get more desks and think about where to seat kids if you can’t get them desks right away.
Q: Should I start planning on my own or wait until I meet others in my department?
A: You may be told that your department does something called collaborative planning, in which teachers meet to plan ahead, share ideas, and make sure everyone is on the same page. Though many new teachers hear of this legend, few experience it. Teachers who have taught a subject before have often made their plans already. Some are possessive about the work they’ve put in. Others have little interest in changing their style or already work together informally. As a result, so-called collaborative planning sessions tend to be disorganized meetings that involve neither collaborating nor planning. In other cases, you may receive a curriculum or benchmark calendar your school wants you to follow. Your plans should be flexible enough to adapt to a school-provided calendar, but you can’t go wrong planning your own first week in detail.
Q: Should I try to plan my whole year now?
A: Time is scarce during the school year, so you’ll be grateful for any planning you’ve done ahead of time. Planning the entire year in detail, however, is not the best use of your time and probably not even possible. This year will be filled with surprises that could throw off your schedule. A better idea is to start with a general sense of what students should learn this year – and when they’ll have to take a big, high-stakes test to see if they’ve learned it. Then plan backwards with this information in mind. For this, I recommend using the giant desk calendar that was on your back-to-school shopping list, but any calendar will do. Map out important dates in pen or marker. Include school holidays, state test days, and any other information that is unlikely to change. Also include progress report days and the end of each marking period so you know when grades are due (more on this in later chapters). You will use this calendar to map out academic units so they fit into the rhythm of the school year. (i.e. You don’t want to start reading a novel or preparing a science experiment two days before Thanksgiving break.) Plan in pencil, though, and plan only your first week in detail. By the end of your first week, you will have an idea of how the kids act, what they can do in a day, and whether big, last-minute changes are on the horizon. Then you can block out the next plan-able chunk of time. As you feel more comfortable, you’ll be able to plan further into the school year. Remember that all long-term plans should be simple overviews, not detailed, day-by-day lessons. The goal here is to avoid planning your entire year based on something that may change, but also not to be paralyzed by the fact that you can’t plan everything.
Q: Should I let parents come into the room on the first day?
A: Standing up to parents the first day is hard—after all, they mean well, and you want to keep them on your side. Still, unless you teach really young children, think of a polite-but-firm response to parents who try to question you, fill you in on their children’s personal problems, or inspect your room for safety hazards as they drop off their babies. This is a great gift to your students, also. Kids deserve a clean slate with their peers, and Mommy coming into the room to “kiss her big, brave ninja good-bye on his first day at his new school,” puts a child at a disadvantage.
Q: Should I let students help create classroom rules to show I value their opinions?
A: New teachers often receive this advice. It looks great on paper, but it’s usually not worth the classroom management risk it creates. Let’s face it—classroom rules are pretty standard. Students are not likely to come up with innovative new rules on the first day; they are much more likely to make ridiculous suggestions to test you, or repeat rules from past classrooms where the teacher wrote the rules anyway. Also, just because one student suggests a rule doesn’t mean another will follow it. Rules seem less official when they are made up by kids. Even worse, any rule-making activity takes place, by definition, in a rule-free classroom. On the first day you need to show that you are the leader in the classroom. You make the rules. There will be other ways to show students you value their opinions.
Q: Can I really not smile until Christmas?
A: “Don’t smile until Christmas” is a sound bite of wisdom passed down through generations of teachers. It’s not really about smiling. It’s about breaking character and letting your guard down too early. (More detail on this in the chapter called Your Teacher Personality: Faking it. Making it.) Some teachers are strict the first week but relax the second week because the kids seem to be behaving. By the time they realize it’s too soon, it’s too late. This advice should really be “Don’t smile—and don’t let kids know you have a first name, curse, cry, like kids, want them to like you, or do anything besides eat and sleep when you’re not at school—until Christmas.” Just remember: the first few times you think your class is under control and it’s okay to relax, you’re probably wrong.
What Happens If the First Day Doesn’t Go as Planned?
If your first day didn’t go as planned, come in tomorrow and try to regain control. Today, comfort yourself with the following first-day memories from experienced teachers:
“I vividly remember my first day of teaching. I was introduced to the school and my department head by my principal. I was informed of all the wonderful activities in which students were involved. My department head was so energetic and told me she would be in my classroom the first couple of days to help me get adjusted. What I wasn’t told was that my “classroom” would be the media center. There were four other classes of 35 students each, sharing this one large room all day! Let’s add to this madness for a minute: I had no books, and my department head didn’t visit me one time my first year”. —Still teaching after 10 years
“My first day was wild. I had a book thrown at me and a student told me this was her “f*&king” classroom.” —Still teaching after 12 years
“I had these community building activities planned. The kids were supposed to fill out surveys about their favorite activities and whatnot, and then we would share as a group. Well, the students were all boys who had been in the same class for years and hated each other. Several of them had diagnosed behavior disorders. When I called on the first kid to introduce himself, other kids made fun of him before he even opened his mouth. He was a little overweight, and as soon as I read the first question—‘What is your favorite activity?’—all the other boys started yelling, ‘Eating! Ha ha. Eating mayonnaise!’ They did this for the next few questions. I stopped the activity before we got to question number seven, ‘What is your favorite food?’ Needless to say, not much of a community was built.” —Still teaching after 7 years
“I started a month into the school year, so my classes came as overload students from existing classes. It took teachers a while to send students, so in the beginning I would psych myself up and be disappointed but also a little relieved when no one showed up. Then I got one new student. I had to make a judgment call about what to do, and I ended up teaching this kid a lesson I had planned for the entire class. Other teachers laughed at me for that one.” —Still teaching after 3 years
“All I remember are papers flying everywhere.” —Still teaching after 14 years
“I had come into teaching after 17 years as an accountant. Maybe for this reason, I expected students to be sitting quietly at their desks, ready to listen to whatever I had to say. When the bell rang that first day, not one single student was sitting down. Asking them to be quiet, telling them to be quiet, even threatening them with being sent to the office all met the same response: They would close their mouths for one or two seconds, and then at the exact moment I resumed doing whatever I was doing, they started talking again. The loudest my old office got was maybe having a conversation with two people with the dot-matrix printer running in the background. My classroom, by comparison, was like being on a runway with jets constantly taking off or landing. I couldn’t think about teaching. The only thing on my mind was ‘How do I get these kids to shut up?’” —Still teaching after 16 years
“The first day for me was great! It led me to the irrational conclusion that the rest of my year would be as grand, but the joke was on me.” —Still teaching after 5 years
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(C) 2013, Roxanna Elden
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July 28, 2015
New Teacher Orientation Speech Notes (Or, Six Reasons to Treat Your First-Day Classroom Like an Airport.)
Thanks for subscribing to the newsletter. This year, over thirty school districts will be giving See Me After Class to all their incoming teachers. To celebrate, here are the notes from the most requested twelve-minute segment of my New Teacher Orientation speech: Six Reasons to Treat Your First-Day Classroom Like an Airport.
One: Have a system for limiting carry-on baggage. You are not just on information overload right now – you’re on super-important information overload. Starting earlier this summer, you’ve been handed a series of packets and binders, each with a warning like, “Make sure you read this or you might ruin your kids’ lives!” or, “Make sure you read this, or your teaching career might end in flames of destruction and infamy!” (But no pressure! Just be confident!) Unfortunately, as a new teacher, you have no way of knowing which “super-important” materials are the super-important-est materials. The more information and advice you have to process, the more paralyzed they become, and the super-important binders and packets can quickly stack up on your desk (or, in my case, the back seat of my car, and then my ironing board at home). Luckily, just like on an airplane, you can plan ahead to limit how much you’re allowed to carry, and have a designated compartment for the rest. Start the year by making an “ideas for later” box to keep in your classroom closet. Anything that you think may be helpful but you just can’t deal with right now goes in that box. You can look at it over winter break. Or summer break. Or, in some cases, never. It turns out not all the packets and binders you get are equally important. You just don’t have the experience yet to know which are which.
Two: Even if your destination is fun, the way there should be as structured, simple, and quiet as possible. The first day is not the time to show kids you are cooler or more fun or more creative than their other teachers. You’ll have time later in the year for that. Early on, you want your kids to think you are just as strict and boring as their more experienced teachers. You also need to be prepared for lots of interruptions and announcements on the first day – which is one of many great reasons NOT to do that activity where the kids help you make up the rules. On a related note, “respect everyone” is not a rule.
(Many more first day tips, along with a shopping list, lesson planning checklist, and ten-day countdown to-do list are in the First Daze chapter of the book. I’ll be sharing a link to read entire chapter with all newsletter subscribers next week. Click here to subscribe now.)
Three: When the kids are walking into the room, you are airport security. You don’t have to shake hands with all incoming students and introduce yourself. It’s not time for that yet. Stand at your door and give simple, repeatable instructions on where to sit and what activity to start with as students walk in. Have a system for assigning seats (like handing out numbers or playing cards. Have your first assignment ready to go and easy to understand. And have some pre-sharpened pencils and paper ready, because just like at an airport, you are going to have a big crowd coming in at once, and then you will have a few people straggling in late. If you feel bad about not being friendlier, remember that just like you want airport security to be able to do their jobs, the kids want you to be able to do yours. That means getting everyone on board quickly and efficiently.
Four: Once kids are in the room, you are the flight attendant. Now it’s time to students securely fastened into their seats, in an upright position, and engaged in another activity that they can work on independently. You need to prepare for takeoff. You will probably have a meeting on Thursday or Friday of the week before school starts where you’ll receive a tentative class list and learn what administrators expect from you on the first day. It will include taking attendance and it will also include distributing, collecting, alphabetizing, and turning in lots of papers. You want to make sure in advance that you know how to do everything on that list, and you want to plan what your students will be doing at their desks while you are doing these things at your desk.
Five: Once you begin your lesson, you are the pilot. Make this less scary by double-checking all your supplies and equipment in advance. Assume the only supplies that will be in your room Monday morning are the ones that are there when you leave school on Thursday unless you fix the situation yourself on Friday. On a related note, part of your job is to take care of yourself so you can take care of the kids – which includes trying to get a decent night’s sleep. You’d be pretty nervous if an airplane pilot told you he’s been exhausted all week but still stayed up until 3AM last night to get his flight plan just right.
Six: Have a flotation device – even if you don’t think you’ll need it. The “flotation device activity” is a very time-consuming backup activity that you don’t plan to use, but will keep kids busy in case your lesson ends early. Just like an actual flotation device on a real airplane, you hope you don’t have to use it. But if you need it, you’ll be glad it’s there. Lessons often end early, and thirty minutes of no-lesson-plan time for a new teacher feels like a week and a half in normal people time.
Best of luck as you plan for your first day.
© Roxanna Elden
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“The Holistic Grading Half-Sheet” – A Downloadable Tool to Make Grading Papers Easier
As a high school writing teacher, I’m especially susceptible to the paper pile. My book chapter, Grading Work Without Hating Work, offers tips for balancing speed with specificity, but I’ve also developed a tool I call “The Holistic Grading Half-Sheet,” which you can download here.
HolisticHalfSheetFromRoxannaElden
How to use it: Customize the form as needed to match what you want from your students. Make a couple hundred copies and cut them in half so you have a big stack of the form on hand at all times. Then, arrange the section of your board or teacher website where you write assignments to match the format of the form. When you give a writing assignment, have students fill in the blanks with the directions you have written, which should focus their attention on following the directions. (The only thing more frustrating than writing the same comment on twenty different papers is reexplaining the directions in your comments on twenty different papers.) Then, when you grade papers, expand or contract your level of feedback as needed. When you want to give students additional guidance, you can write comments on the sheet or directly on the paper. Other times, if an assignment is mostly for review purposes or report card day is right around the corner, you can check off the categories and give a grade that is largely holistic. Either way, the format should stay the same with every assignment so students can get used to it.
(c) 2015 Roxanna Elden
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July 15, 2015
Select Keynote Speeches
Becoming THAT Teacher -Future Educators Association, National Symposium
Stronger Than Chicken Soup: What the Souls of New Teachers Really Need - New Teacher Center, 2013 National Symposium
New Teacher Orientation Keynote – Multiple School Districts
Mid-Year New Teacher Orientation Keynote -Miami-Dade County Public Schools,
Commencement Keynote -New Leaders Council, Miami
New NBCT Commencement Keynote -National Board Teachers of South Florida, New NBCT Celebration
