Lori Brighton's Blog, page 7
November 9, 2011
November 3, 2011
God Save the Queen!
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My lovely friend Nadia sent this to me and I had to share :) All in good fun, of course!
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed, not with ketchup, but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Mac Dowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK.
It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
My lovely friend Nadia sent this to me and I had to share :) All in good fun, of course!
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed, not with ketchup, but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Mac Dowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13. You must tell us who killed JFK.
It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Is 3 the new 4?
Way back when people first started reviewing books you'd see a lot of 4's (on a 1-5 scale). A 4 meant the person liked the book. It was good, but not perfect. Lately, I've noticed a shift in scores. There are a lot more 3's (and even 2's) out there with comments along the same lines that we used to use for 4's, "good, but not perfect."
Technically, a 3 is average (in fact slightly above). Let's face it, most books probably are average for a reader. But average isn't bad. On Goodreads, a 3 means "I liked It." Not too shabby at all. If someone said to me, "I liked your book," I'd be thrilled! But let's face it, if you went to Amazon looking for a book, you most likely wouldn't buy a book that had an average of 3, or even a 3.5. At least I don't. Unless I've heard crazy things about the book, or bought it before I saw the score. But if I'm looking for a certain subject and don't know the book or author, I look at the score and the amount of reviews.
Maybe a 3 seems bad because its so close to the dreaded 2. So I'm torn about the number 3. What's your opinion?
Technically, a 3 is average (in fact slightly above). Let's face it, most books probably are average for a reader. But average isn't bad. On Goodreads, a 3 means "I liked It." Not too shabby at all. If someone said to me, "I liked your book," I'd be thrilled! But let's face it, if you went to Amazon looking for a book, you most likely wouldn't buy a book that had an average of 3, or even a 3.5. At least I don't. Unless I've heard crazy things about the book, or bought it before I saw the score. But if I'm looking for a certain subject and don't know the book or author, I look at the score and the amount of reviews.
Maybe a 3 seems bad because its so close to the dreaded 2. So I'm torn about the number 3. What's your opinion?
November 1, 2011
October 26, 2011
October 13, 2011
Going Ons
I've been hard at work on a variety of books. I'm the sort of author who can work on more than one book at a time. In fact, I enjoy writing that way, at least for the rough drafts. I like to be able to take a break with one book and clear my mind by working on another. So right now...what am I working on? The Demon Hunter, which is book two of The Ghost Hunter. The Demon Hunter will be out in December and stars Devon (from The Ghost Hunter).
A Night of Redemption, which is book two, following A Night of Secrets. This will star Beth and Nate who are introduced in A Night of Secrets. A Night of Redemption will be out in Spring of next year.
The Mind Readers 2! I don't have a title yet. It will most likely be self published (as is book 1), but I am looking into making both book 1 and 2 available in print as well as ebook. I'm hoping it will be out in Spring as well.
And a new book titled The MatchMaker, a contemporary paranormal and new series. Not sure when this book will be out, but definitely by spring.
Eventually I will start work on the second book in the seduction series (To Seduce an Earl, book 1). I also have many, many other ideas as well. So come back for more updates! Or feel free to email if you have any questions!
All of my self published books are still only 99 cents! Make sure to get them while they're on sale!
October 11, 2011
October 9, 2011
Ebook Sale!
Here in the United States, we're getting ready for a slew of holidays. First, comes Halloween. If you don't know what it is, Halloween is a night when children (and some parents) dress in costume and go door to door asking for candy. Halloween goes back to old Celtic times, but we won't get into that just yet.To celebrate Halloween, I decided to lower my paranormal self-published Ebooks to 99 cents for a limited time! So, for the next couple weeks, you can get The Mind Readers, A Night of Secrets, The Ghost Hunter and even To Seduce an Earl for 99 cents. To Seduce an Earl isn't exactly paranormal, but that's okay. Just follow the links below!
The Mind Readers: Amazon, Barnes and Noble
A Night of Secrets: Amazon, Barnes and Noble
The Ghost Hunter: Amazon, Barnes and Noble
To Seduce an Earl: Amazon, Barnes and Noble
In other news, I'm still hard at work on The Demon Hunter, the second book in the Ghost Hunter series. And it will still be out around December, just in time for Christmas:) Have a great week!
October 5, 2011
Review!
Last week I got an amazing review from the esteemed
Library Journal
! It's the first review I've received from them and what makes it even better was that it was for one of my self-published books. Interested? Read it below!Brighton, author of five other books (e.g., Wild Heart; Wild Desire), focuses her most recent novel on a world rarely evoked in historical fiction: male prostitution. As odd a subject as that might seem, it makes for one surprisingly engaging story. At the core are Grace, a penniless member of the ton, and Alex, a man who escaped from his past by joining a brothel.
Verdict Brighton provides an original story line, well-developed characters, and a plot-full of perfect amounts of sexual intrigue, twists, and lulls that allow the atmosphere of 1860s England to develop. The superb editing also shines. Fans of Johanna Lindsey will enjoy this work, which furthers the idea that self-publishing is not something to scoff at.—Audrey M. Jones
Being compared to Johanna Lindsey?! I'll take that!
If you haven't had the chance yet to read my historical romance, To Seduce an Earl, leave a comment! I'm giving away an Ecopy or two!
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