Marian Allen's Blog, page 429

Zugdotcom, America’s Hero!

You think the chicken/egg conundrum is THE classic? No! No, my friends, it is not. The classic conundrum is the wiener/bun one. Yes, that one. And Zugdotcom has solved it!

For those who don’t have high-speed connections or the Flash plug-in (doesn’t come with Mandriva’s Firefox — go here to download it), what he’s done is get the customer interface people from Wonder Bread and Oscar Meyer wieners on a conference call, and he’s gotten them each to agree to forward his suggestion for each product to come in packages of twelve! Brilliant!

Anyone with one drop of OCD blood in his or her veins owes this man a debt of gratitude which we — I mean you — can never repay.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A discrepancy drives a character to distraction.

MA

The Awesomely Awesome Awesomeness of My Lamp

I went to the Harrison County Farmers’ Market this past Saturday and met a new merchant. I wish I could give you a link to her website, but she doesn’t have one. She has a Facebook page so, if you’re on Facebook, you can look her up there: https://www.facebook.com/im4sf.org.

She was selling “upcycled” stuff to benefit The Foundation for Sustainable Futures, Inc.

Here you see a do-it-yourself cookbook, for passing your own special dishes on to those who want them when you’re gone. Very MomGoth item. I didn’t buy one, though. I pass mine on as I go along. There’s also a cold frame made from discarded materials. She seemed pleased and surprised that I knew what a cold frame is; she said a lot of people don’t. In case you’re one of them, a cold frame is a frame (duh) with a glass top that you can open; it protects plants from the cold (duh) and you can open it on warmer days so the plants don’t cook in the ground. There are pump bottles made from old canning jars and — and this is the thing I bought — solar lights!

I could have bought just the light part and used my own jars, but I use my canning jars for making pickles, so I bought the whole shebang. I picked one with a fancy silver top. You can’t see it well enough to read it in this photograph, but part of what I liked about it is that the letters are so thickly patina’d it isn’t clear if the language is English or Chinese. (It’s English.) It says The presto jar and closure are approved by The Good Housekeeping Institute. There’s also a picture of a little house and a tree stamped on it.

So I bought it and I put it in the window. Not a particularly sunny window, either. I put it in the front window where I had my turtle lamp before Katya jumped up and knocked it down and broke it. I figure a canning jar will be a little tougher. Besides, she got tired of knocking things down and breaking them and has moved on to hacking up hairballs everywhere Charlie is likely to put his foot.

After dark, I took a picture of the light. Is this gorgeous, or what? It actually gives plenty of light. Not enough to read by, but enough to be an excellent night light.

AND, BESIDES, the brown paper bag into which she put my purchase is printed with bears and hearts and skeps and bees and happy sentiments, suitable for use as a gift bag, if I slap a sticker over the Foundation one.

I am one happy camper, believe you me.

To make things even better, I’m posting at Fatal Foodies today on the topic of Death By Chocolate.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: What could your main character upcycle?

MA

“Sell Books For Steve Brown” Day PSA

I now interrupt my usual twaddle to bring you a Public Service Announcement. Quoting from the blog Handcuffed To The Ocean: crime, mysteries, and adventures on the high seas blog:

Sixteen authors from Mystery Writers of America (MWA) and Romance Writers of America (RWA) have united for a one-day event to help pay for Steve’s mounting medical costs. We are calling it “Sell Books for Steve Day”. The participating authors will donate a percentage of the proceeds from the day’s sale of one of their titles toward Steve’s medical fund. The event will take place on Monday, July 16th. This will be a great event for everyone. The reader will be able to purchase a book from his or her favorite author and/or discover a new author. The authors will get credit for selling their books, and most importantly, funds will be raised for Steve. What a great method to help him.

The books for sale are e-books, although several titles will have a link for both electronic and  hard copies (for hard copies and other formats, be sure you read carefully any instructions regarding payment to ensure that your purchase counts toward the event). Below are the authors who are willing to help Steve and their books. Please follow the links and decide which books you’d like to purchase. Remember, in order for your purchase to count toward the dollars raised for Steve, you must make your purchase on July 16th. And please help us spread the word about this event by adding this link, www.handcuffedtotheocean.com to your Facebook page or blog site or Tweet message on your Twitter feed before and during the event.

The more books we sell on July 16th, the more money we raise!

Thank you everyone, authors and readers.

Go check out that post: Sell Books For Steve Day and pick up some great beachy reads. Some are heavy on the romance, some are mystery with a relationship thrown in. You got your paranormal. You got your science fiction. Family sagas. Thrillers. Cops. Atlantis. Football. Scholars kidnapping conmen. Tattoos, people! I just got mine (book, I mean, not tattoo). Go get yours.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character figures out a way to use his or her talent to help out a friend.

MA

#SampleSunday – Testing

This is the exercise we were given at last month’s Corydon Quills and Quibbles writers meeting. We had three words to use in 500 words or fewer.

TESTING

by Marian Allen

There were five of us: another American, two other men from Pakistan and the woman from El Salvador. They’d all been here since they were children, though, and spoke the language like natives.

One of the Pakistani men lolled against a pile of grain sacks, listless with the fever of his wound. I didn’t think he’d last the night. In fact, I knew he wouldn’t. We would have to move out at first light; we couldn’t wait for him to die or recover, we couldn’t drag him with us, and we couldn’t leave him behind.

If the other Pakisatni man’s glowering meant “I will protect him to the death,” I was afraid neither of them would see the dawn. We’d see where he bedded down. If he chose the stall at the far corner, well and good. If he settled in next to the wounded guy, we had a problem. Another problem.

Rain pounded onto the barn’s tin roof. Lucky for us, there was one leak, right where we could catch it in our canteens or stand under it to cool off. It had been a hot, dry week.

I pulled some of the grain out of a sack and sniffed it. No chemical smell, no funny color. This time of year, it was local harvest, not treated seed for planting. I ground the grain between two rocks and mixed enough water to make a paste. Tasted like putty, but it filled my belly. The other took their turns at the rock, too weary to fight for precedence.

It seemed cruel, but I couldn’t resist giving the wounded man some water and trying to get some grain paste down him. Habit dies hard.

The wounded man’s compatriot cocked his head at me, puzzled. Without meaning to, I met his eyes and our gazes locked. Two seconds passed. Four. Ten.

He turned away. With slow steps, he crossed to the far corner of the barn and settled into the shadows.

Don’t ask me what that was about; it’s just what happened in my head.

I invite you to follow the Summer Reading Trail with me. I have two stories for it posted on my Free Reads page. Follow the link back to the Trailhead to find more free stories from other writers.

Three of my four collections of short stories are free this month (July 2012) at Smashwords. My novel, FORCE OF HABIT, is 99 cents, but the short stories are free with the coupon code SSWIN. Go to my profile page and scroll down. The newest collection, TURTLE FEATHERS is still only at Amazon because I haven’t formatted it for Smashwords yet. I would say, “My bad,” but it’s more like, “My lazy.”

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: At least two characters are on the run.

MA

Caturday – Behemoth

Behemoth, as I’m sure you can guess, this being Caturday, is a cat. But not just a cat. As it says in this wonderful THE MASTER AND MARGARITA site:

Behemoth is the giant cat, extremely evil and font of firearms, who finds demonic pleasure in challenging people and putting everything in a blaze with a primus stove. He executes the most violent punishments, cuts off heads and is unbeatable with a browning in his hands. And when he gets accidentally hit by a bullit, he just needs a sip of gasoline to regain his strength.

Ain’t it the truth?

You can catch some pictures of him at the perfectly titled Manuscripts Don’t Burn. The title is perfect because Mikhail Bulgakov, author of THE MASTER AND MARGARITA, burned the manuscript but then rewrote the novel. “The Master”, the novelist in the novel, also burned his manuscript, but the book was not lost.

Our #4 daughter had a black Persian/Siamese mix who reminded us of Behemoth. Here is his picture.

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He wasn’t a bit like him, though. He hated guns.

If you want to wear a gorgeous Behemoth shirt and have more than forty bucks to put on your back, here’s a link to the shirt I want for my birthday (XL, please). The one with the red bits, naturally. While you’re admiring the shirt, you can have fun by making the model twirl around and around. He never gets dizzy and falls down. It’s amazing.

Most of all, I encourage you to buy and read THE MASTER AND MARGARITA. I bought several copies so I could give some away. The Ginsburg translation is the one that was recommended by the brilliant actor, gardener, and poly-linguist, Patrick Bauchau, so that’s the one I recommend to you.

Read it more than once. It’s a different experience every time.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: You see a cat eating mushrooms. You may use any given definition of “cat” “eating” and “mushrooms”.

MA

Locavoracious

Sounds like a dinosaur, doesn’t it?

The locavorasaurus roamed the earth before the dawn of man, eating anything that grew. By “roamed the earth”, we mean “turned around and around in place”, and by “eating anything that grew”, we mean “eating anything within reach”. 

A Locavore, in case you haven’t heard, tries to eat food that’s fresh, local, and organically/sustainably grown. The epitome of Locavoraciousness is a backyard garden.

Which we have.

Here’s what I harvested this morning. At the top is basil. Gonna make some pesto today. Then we have tomatoes, turnips, a couple of okra pods I missed yesterday, and cucumbers. Gonna make pickles from the cucumbers. At the bottom are parsley (for the pesto), dill (for the pickles), chard and turnip greens.

Tonight, the Locavores will feast!!

In other news, I finished the rough draft of the latest Holly Jahangiri story, “The Pratty Who Saved Chrissmuss”. I’m still working on “Surviving the Book”.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Where does your main character get food?

MA

What Watch?

I’m not quoting Casablanca, although that little conversation is one of my favorite bits. Actually, just about any bit of Casablanca is my favorite bit. The bit I’m not quoting, though, is this bit, wherein two characters practicing their English discuss the time:

-Sweetnessheart, what watch?

-Ten watch.

-Such much?

A week ago, I misplaced my watch and don’t know where to find it. It doesn’t have a tail, so leaving it alone hasn’t worked, either.

So yesterday, Jane and I had lunch in Louisville at Shiraz, and I took the opportunity to go to Sister Dragonfly to buy a watch. Which I did.

It isn’t something you can just up and do, you know. There’s an Ideal Watch you try to find, or at least approach. The one I lost was perfect, but the one I bought yesterday was close enough.

An ideal watch must:

be a cuff watch – Straps get scruffy and break, stretchy ones pinch, and bracelet ones dangle. Ugh!
not be digital – My grandmother spent many long hours teaching me how to tell time; I’m not about to waste her effort by using a digital watch
have all its numbers – Because obviously.
have numbers large enough to READ – again, obvs.
not cost much – Because I’m the one buying it.
not be some weird color or combination of colors that will call attention to itself – It’s a WATCH, not a LOOK AT ME.

So yesterday, I got a silver cuff watch with a fake mother-pearl face and big black numbers (all 12 of them), and I am content. I know that’s a big load off your mind.

In case you haven’t seen Casablanca, either, here’s a clip of the bit about the watch.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: How does your main character tell the time?

MA

Schmeviled Eggs

You know how when somebody is blowing off something they say, like, “Marriage, schmarriage — I say we just live together,” or “Coffin, schmoffin — He can sleep in a bed like everybody else or he can go back where he came from”? Well, that’s pretty much how most people approach making deviled eggs. “Deviled, schmeviled — Too much spice gives your Uncle Melvin heartburn.”

According to deviledeggs.com, and they should know, the term deviled means made with hot or strong spices. Now, I like a bit of mustard in my deviled eggs, but I do mean “a bit”. As in “a little bit”. A tee-ninesy squidge, actually.

In fact, I prefer to make my own mayonnaise, which already has some mustard in it (see post called Perfect Recipes), and then I do not add more.

Deviledeggs.com has several recipes for … yes, for deviled eggs. There’s also a nice, basic one on the wonderfully titled Pinch My Salt.

Here’s mine:

SCHMEVILED EGGS

hard-cooked eggs, cut in half (duh)
mayonnaise (home-made)
or Dijonnaise
or mayonnaise plus a bit of powdered mustard
salt
paprika

Mix egg yolks and the rest of the ingredients except paprika to taste. Slop it into the hollowed-out whites. Sprinkle with paprika.

Some people like to put pickle relish in theirs, but I’m like relish, schmelish.

How do you like your deviled eggs?

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character gives another character a secret recipe and character #2 spreads the secret around.

MA

Working My Brains Out

I’ve been writing and writing and writing on a short story, and I’m to the point where I’m so close to finishing I don’t want to finish. If you write, maybe you know how you get to a point where it’s really hard to decide what the next bit should be, and then you suddenly see the shape of the story and you write and write and you’re on the downhill slide and you suddenly go: Wait! I’m having a good time writing this! It’s being easy and fun! If I finish it, that’s all over! Noooooooooo!

Well, that’s where I am with this. Fortunately, I have a deadline, so I have no choice but to stop being such a crybaby and and wrap it up.

It’s another Holly Jahangiri story set on Llannonn, the main setting for my novel, FORCE OF HABIT. It’s for a holiday anthology, and it’s called “The Pratty Who Saved Chrissmuss”.

I’m posting today at Fatal Foodies on the topic of The Evil Tomato.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character makes excuses not to complete something he or she is enjoying.

MA

Floyd Hyatt and the Semi

Semicolons, that is. Semicolons are my second-favorite punctuation mark, right after the Oxford comma. Or, wait! Maybe it’s the exclamation mark!

Anyway, here it is:

Semicolons

according to F. A. Hyatt

Semicolons probably cause more confusion and misery than all the other punctuation marks combined but they’re really not awfully difficult to master.

The semicolon has only two nominal uses. The first is to separate the items in a list, often after a colon, especially when the listed items contain commas:

“The following books will be covered on the midterm: the Odyssey, through book 12; Ovid’s Metamorphoses, except for the passages on last week’s quiz; and the selections from Chaucer.”

The semicolon makes it clear that there are three items, whereas using commas to separate them could produce confusion. In other words, they are used somewhat like sub-point separators or indents in an outline. Think of it visually as:

Covered on the midterm:

1 ()The Odyssey

(,) through book twelve

2 ( Ovid’s Metamorphosis

(,)except for the last passage

3 ( and selections from Chaucer.

The other legitimate use of a semicolon is to separate two independent clauses in one sentence. (Clauses that can stand alone because they have their own subject noun or pronoun, and their own object.) Example:

Shakespeare’s comedies seem natural; his tragedies seem forced.”

Here’s how to tell whether a use is appropriate. If you can use a period and begin a new sentence, you can use a semicolon. In other words, this kind of semicolon can always be replaced by a period and a capital letter. In the example, “Shakespeare’s comedies seem natural. His tragedies seem forced” is also correct, so a semicolon can be substituted. (If you used a comma: “Shakespeare’s comedies seem natural, his tragedies seem forced” — you’d be committing the sin of comma splice.)

It’s risky to use semicolons anywhere else. There’s no need for them after “Dear Sir” in a letter (where a comma or a colon is preferred).

Don’t use them before a relative pronoun. For example it is wrong to write:

“She sold more than 400 CDs; which was better than she hoped”

It should be writ with a comma, since the bit after the semicolon can’t stand on its own.

“She sold more than 400 CDs, which was better than she hoped”

Thank you, Mr. Floyd. The semicolon is a sadly under-appreciated piece of punctuation; I’m happy to see it given its due.

Please remember that my short story collections are FREE this month (July, 2012) at Smashwords: LONNIE, ME AND THE HOUND OF HELL, THE KING OF CHEROKEE CREEK, and MA’S MONTHLY HOT FLASHES, each with the coupon code SSWIN.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Rain comes after a long drought.

MA