Marian Allen's Blog, page 427

The Madness Abates

My Linux Mandriva 2011 umpty-umpth installation has booted three days in a row, now, with fingers crossed for four, so I may have discovered which geeky tweak I did that scrambled its brains.

I FOUND MY FLASH DRIVES, after turning out my purse and hunting the house over. I was very nearly driven to cleaning my office, but I emptied the purse one more time and LO! there was a hole in the zipper pocket in which I kept the flash drive container, and the container had slipped down inside the lining. So had my pencil sharpener, two pencils, two pens (one black, one red), a packet of facial tissues, a small knife, the key to my mother’s safe deposit box, and my Epi-pen. I sewed up the hole — my seamstress skills just about run to that — and put everything back where it belongs.

I still haven’t found my watch, though. If you see a silver cuff watch with a round black face, tell it to come home and I’ll buy it that pony it was begging for.

My post at Fatal Foodies is about actual book marketing. Like at a market.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character finds something that was lost.

MA

A Nifty Trick For Bloggers

Long-time readers of this blog (Hi, Mom!) know that I’ve been wrasslin’ with Mandriva 2011 — or, I should say, my installation of it. It’s crashed its brains out about fifteen times, but it’s loaded two days in a row without incident.

But that isn’t what I’m posting about, except to remind everybody to BACKUP YOUR FREAKIN’ FILES!! If you have an off-line mail reader, backup your mail, address book, and profile. Dig into your browser (Firefox, Chrome, Internet Explorer) and save your bookmarks. Backup any settings on it that you can export. If you have a calendar program — Sunbird, for example — export your calendar file; don’t just backup the folder, export the calendar file. If you write, for the love of all that’s holy, back up your writing. That, I did.

Now, here’s the nifty trick. You may already know it. I may have already told you about it. It bears repeating.

If you leave a comment on a blog, and if you have a blog or web page or buy link for your books that you want people to know about, you can leave a clickable link to it in your comment. Some blogs let you fill in a space with your name and your web site, but some don’t. So you go like this:

I loved your post. You are absolutely right, that Michael Z. Lewin is the greatest living detective story writer! My mother likes his Leroy Powder books best, but I lean toward the Albert Samson ones.

Marian Allen

Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes

When the comment posts, the reader will only see what’s between the two sets of brackets: Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes — and that set of words will be a clickable link to the web address.

Nifty, eh?

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character’s computer crashes.

MA

#SampleSunday – A Poem

There used to be a restaurant in our town named Donahue’s. It had the best Prime Rib and the best bleu cheese dressing IN THE UNIVERSE. The Donahues retired, and Mr. Donahue took the secrets of the Prime Rib and salad dressing with him to The Great Beyond.

MRS. DONAHUE REVIEWS THE TROOPS

Starched along the counter

Starred along the bar

Salt and pepper soldiery

Marching as to war

Enemies of blandness

Battlescarred brigade

Salt and pepper warriors

Zebraesque parade

Narrow at the shoulders

Narrow at the waist

Salt and pepper sentinels

Guardians of taste.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Write a poem or a paragraph of poetical prose about the least poetical thing you can think of.

MA

#Caturday – Breaking News

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Dateline Our House — New charges have been filed against the notorious Katya Greymalkin, shown in the accompanying picture.

Householder Charles Allen was making a routine inspection of his property when he came upon a shocking sight.

“It’s disgusting,” Allen said. “I looked, and I said to myself, ‘Why are some one color and some a different color?’ Then I smelled them, and I knew why.”

Allen was speaking of the potatoes he had brought in from the garden and spread on the floor to dry before storage. Following her usual modus operandi, Greymalkin had come upon the unguarded tubers and urinated on them.

“You buy them,” Allen told our reporter, “you plant them, you water them, you weed them, you dig them … and then this.”

When contacted for a statement, Greymalkin shouted, “Piss on ALL the things!”

Her lawyer quickly shut the door in our reporter’s face and replied, “No comment,” to questions slipped through the letter slot.

Stay tuned to this blog for further updates as they happen.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: What is the most inappropriate place your main character has ever urinated?

MA

Five Great Kitchen Gizmos

Well, more than five. As the pirate king in Gilbert & Sullivan’s THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE said, “Five … and a little bit over.”

Now, I’ll be the sixth to admit that I’m a sucker for kitchen gizmos, a “gizmo” being defined as something useful and nifty one doesn’t actually need. Charlie and our four girls would be the first five. But there are some I use a lot, and would be sorry to lose.  None of the following links are affiliate links, just so you know. I think only one of them goes to a manufacturer’s website, and I’ll tell you when you get to it.

TOASTER OVEN

My beloved late mother-in-law had one and used it and I got one as soon as I could. I use it all the time. With just two of us to cook for, I do most of my baking/roasting/broiling in this little puppy. I find I have to put foil over the top of taller dishes so the top doesn’t scorch, but that’s a small price to pay for such convenience.

CONTACT GRILL

I couldn’t find a good page for generic contact grills, so this goes to the Wiki for the George Foreman one. My one isn’t that one; mine is a cheap knock-off which nevertheless works just nifty. I can slap a halved yellow squash, zucchini, or small eggplant on there and take it off ready to eat in ten minutes, tops. When we ate meat, I could put a thinnish piece of frozen fish or boneless chicken on there and have it done through in ten minutes. Any grease runs off into a drip-pan (the dog loves it).

RICE COOKER

If you want to know what mine looks like, scroll down the Wiki page until you get to the picture labeled “inexpensive electric rice cooker”. I totally love this baby. I find that, if I want a nice crusty layer on the bottom of my rice (um-yum!), I let it cook until the Cook button shifts over to Warm. If I want all the rice tender, I watch until I can’t see water, I can’t see bubbles, and there are air holes through the rice from where the bubbles were. Then I manually turn it to Warm and unplug it. Mine came with a steamer basket, which I use to make tamales or Chinese dumplings.

FOOD PROCESSOR

Oh, food processor, what would I do without you? I use mine to make mayonnaise every couple of weeks and to make pesto and benedictine spread during the summer. I use it for so many things, I can’t list them all here. Mine has one (1) blade plus a slicey thingy which I don’t use.

ELECTRIC FOOD SLICER

I like this page, because it calls the device a “food slicer” rather than a “meat slicer”. Although I did and, occasionally do, slice meat on it, I use it to slice cheese, bread, and anything else that’s asking to be sliced. Mine stopped working the last time I used it, and I haven’t had the heart to try it again and see if it healed itself. If it hasn’t, I’ll have to disassemble it and see if I can fix it. If I can’t … I have a birthday coming up…. Just sayin’.

Now for the little bit over:

MANDOLINE

Speaking of slicers, I just scored one of these at a yard sale. It looked brand new. Had all its bits and everything. Turns out, I use it a lot. Our cucumbers are doing great this year, so I’m making pickles. Charlie and I liked those ones sliced longways, and the mandoline zips right through a big ol’ stack of cucumbers like nobody’s business.

The next link goes to the Sunbeam page, because it’s the only page I could find with a product close to mine.

HOT POT

Thissss issss my presssioussss. Yessssss. Honestly, it’s crazy how much I love this little squirt. I bought it for maybe two dollars at Goodwill. The hinges on the lid have broken, but the lid still goes on just fine, and it works perfectly. All it does in the world is heat water. One cup takes about a minute; two cups take about a minute and a half. The version on the Sunbeam page is much newer and fancier than mine, and a damn sight more expensive, but keep an eye out and you might be able to find it cheaper. If I cook a bunch of hardboiled eggs and store them in the fridge and want to heat one up, I put it in a mug and put hot water from my hot pot over it and let it alone for a couple of minutes. It’s just really, really useful.

So there you have it. See you tomorrow for Caturday, and Sunday for some kind of writing sample.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: What is your main character’s favorite cooking gadget? If he or she doesn’t have one, give him or her one.

MA

The Madness Spreads

I never did find my watch. I had to buy a new one. I was just certain that I’d come home with my new watch and my old one would be waiting for me, all ha-ha here I am! but no. And now I’ve lost my flash drives. Not all of them, thank goodness, but most of them. They must have run off with my watch. It’s like all my stuff is doing a production of that song in The Sound of Music where the Von Trapps sneak away from the Nazis. But I don’t even speak German! Come back, my stuff, come back!

You don’t suppose Charlie is trying to gaslight me, do you? Because if I’m going to be gaslighted, I want Charles Boyer to do it. I’m just sayin’.

Can I get an Amen?

My latest collection of short stories, TURTLE FEATHERS, is now available at Smashwords for $1.49. If you’d like to read excerpts of all the stories in it, visit the TURTLE FEATHERS excerpts page. It’s still awaiting clearance for the Premium Catalog, so it isn’t yet available at iTunes or B&N, but it’ll get there. Meanwhile, Smashwords offers it in all electronic formats, including html, PDF, and rtf, so you can read it online or on your plain old computer.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character hides small objects from another character. What kinds of objects? Why?

MA

The Complete Story and August Update

As promised, I’ve posted the entire Perry Block-and-the-mermaid story, “Hooked“. Go to my Free Reads page for more … well … free reads, including June’s fantasy, “Blood Of Mermayds” (with a very different kind of mermayd) and July’s cozy mystery, “The French Club Connection”. When August is over, these stories will be taken down and sold for soulless cash.

This is also the day I post a new Hot Flash, so pop over to the Hot Flashes page and scope that out.

AND it’s Food Day, so Imma tell you how I make Pesto. It’s easy-peasy. I made a big ol’ bunch of it today.

PESTO

2 cups basil leaves, backed (kinda mooshed down a little)
1/3 cup pine nuts (I use a tad bit less)
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1/3 cup garlic-infused olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt

Put it all in a food processor and process it.

If you don’t have garlic-infused oil, use regular oil and a garlic to taste.

I took some out to have with pasta tonight. To store, I put about 1/2 cup into a sandwich bag, press it flat and seal it shut. Put it on a plate in the freezer until it’s stiff, then you can remove the plate. To use, just break off as much as you want. It thaws in no time.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: What’s in your main character’s freezer? Or, if he/she doesn’t have a freezer, in his or her any kind of preservation system.

MA

An Eruption of Butterflies

On Saturday, Mom and I went to the Arts Council of Southern Indiana‘s butterfly release. They had free jazz and art, cheap food, face painting, dedication of stone sculptures, and, the highlight of it all, the release of over 100 Monarch butterflies.

In a reversal of roles, I told Mom to go get a butterfly to release, and I would take pictures. Alas, I didn’t tell her to get a butterfly and then come back to where I was, so I had to paparazzinate her. See if you can see her Where’s-Waldoing me in the crowd. She’s wearing brown pants and a beige shirt and her Angel Mother hair is glowing like a halo.

Here is what the poor li’l butterflies were in. It hardly seems comfortable, but who knows what dreams butterflies dream in the dark? The words say Caution – live butterfly inside. To open, gently lift side tabs and pull. 

So, mostly all at the same time, everybody did.

The butterflies rose.

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And flew.

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They rested on people, buildings, trees, and bushes before taking off for good. Little splashes of orange fluttered everywhere.

We’ll probably go again next year, when they plan to have even more butterflies.

Meanwhile, do you know what Monarch butterflies eat? Milkweed! Yes, the kids always knew, instinctively, that milkweed was the coolest plant ever! So let’s plant some milkweed, and let it spread and bloom and blow and spread some more. The butterflies will thank you.

Meanwhile, I’m posting today at Fatal Foodies about one of my favorite food web sites.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Write something with a butterfly in it.

MA

Free Books and Penny-Ante Pirates

My first three short story collections, LONNIE, ME AND THE HOUND OF HELL, THE KING OF CHEROKEE CREEK, and MA’S MONTHLY HOT FLASHES, are still free at Smashwords till the end of this month with the coupon code SSWIN. Regular price $1.49. Discounted at Amazon to $0.99. And … pirated?

Yes, friends, you can totally STEAL the short story collection LONNIE, ME AND THE HOUND OF HELL at a pirate download site. Save yourself an entire … nothing?

I emailed the site asking them to remove my book from their treasure chest. It isn’t as though I’m losing boatloads of income (in the words of that noted mathemetician, Jayne Cobb, “let me do the math here. Nothing into nothin’. Carry the nothin’…”), but it’s the principle of the thing. I’m striking a blow for, you know, something.

ALSO, I was interviewed at Darlene’s Book Nook on the subject of my new collection, TURTLE FEATHERS. Go read the interview and enter the giveaway and you may win a free copy of that shiny recent collection! Hurry! You want to win a free copy before the pirates start giving it away, doncha? Sure you do!

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character steals something that’s free. Why?

MA

#SampleSunday – More Of The Mermaid

Here’s some more of the story I’ll be posting in its entirety on August 1 for the Summer Reading Trail. The real Perry Block has read it and contributed a line or two of dialog. He’s a very funny fellow.

A pale blob approached the surface. It was a face. A female face. A young, gorgeous, beautiful, sweet, female face, with wide blue eyes, a pert nose and red lips. Her hair was long, blonde, and wavy. She grinned impishly at him.

“H-hello,” he said.

“Did you mean it? May I really come join you?”

Stunned, he said, “Please do.”

She put one delicately pink hand on the planking, one on the lower rail, and, fast as lightning, was on the deck, lowering herself into a chair as if she’d walked through the restaurant to get there. She wore a sea-green sarong, a shell necklace, and thin gold sandals. She was completely dry, from her hair to her feet.

Belatedly, Perry started to stand to greet her, but she was already sitting by that time, and he sank back into his chair, feeling disoriented.

“Didn’t you….” He gestured toward the water. “But you’re….” He gestured to her. “You’re dry.”

She smiled, showing a delightful dimple. “Isn’t that how it works? Water makes things wet, and out of water makes things dry?”

Her fingers twitched toward the food.

Perry, amused, asked, “Do you like crab legs?”

“Love ‘em!” She apparently took the question as an invitation, because she grabbed one. Perry offered her a shell-cracker, but she split the carapace with her bare hands and drew out the meat.

“You’re pretty good at that,” he said.

She laughed. “I’ve had lots of practice.”

“So,” he said, indulgently watching her unvarnished enjoyment, “what’s your name? What do you do?”

“You, first,” she mumbled around a mouthful.

“I’m Perry Block. I’m a writer. A Jewish writer. My mother wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. I told her, ‘Ma, I don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer. I have people for that. You know — my doctor and my lawyer.’ She wasn’t impressed. She’s a tough crowd, my mother. Anyway, I’m a writer. I’m here till Saturday, partly on vacation and partly to get material.”

“Waddo wigh?”

“You’re a fan of Tolkien?”

“Waddo wigh?“

“Oh, what do I write?”

She nodded.

“Humor. I’m ‘Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute’.”

She swallowed, wiped her hands and face, and said, “What do you mean, ‘old’? What do you mean, ‘formerly’?”

“I mean, I used to be cute. Now I’m old and not so cute.” But he didn’t feel old. He felt like maybe he should feel old, sitting across from this beautiful girl, but he didn’t. He felt just right. And cute. Definitely cute.

“Your turn,” he said. “Name. Occupation.”

“My name is Hannah. Hannah Poseidon.”

“Hannah. A nice Jewish name. But Poseidon? Isn’t that Greek? Which are you: rugelach or baklava?”

“I’m a mermaid.”

“I can just about believe it, after that trick in the water.”

She sat back, wiping melted butter off her elbows. “What time is it?”

He told her.

“Oh, cripes! I have to get going or I’ll be late!”

She stood and perched her behind on the rail. “See you!”

“Hey!” Perry stood, too. “You can’t go in swimming for an hour after you eat. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that?”

She laughed out loud. “You’re so funny!”

With a flip, she went off the rail and cut silently into the water. As she swam off, her sarong wrapped around her legs, making them look like… like a blue-green tail.

Come back Wednesday for the rest of the story.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: A character goes swimming.

MA