Jeff Burk's Blog, page 5
September 30, 2018
31 Days of My Favorite Horror Books – Day 0
It’s that time of year again – the Halloween season. The one holiday season that every horror fan looks forward to. A time of year in which our weird obsessions are embraced and even become mainstream.
A popular tradition has come about where fans do what’s called “31 Days of Horror” – a different horror movie every day for the month of October. I only did that once but I put a spin on it by making it 31 days of horror movies I had not seen before (you can read my write-up of that here).
This year I’m also going to do something a little different. I’ll be doing write-ups on my 31 all-time favorite horror books. Each day, I’ll post a new short essay here about one of my absolute favorite horror books. There will be no ranking order (it’s just a general my 31 favorites). And an author will be limited to only one pick for the month.
I know a lot of horror writers and I know a lot of horror writers will see the list – if one of your titles didn’t make it, don’t feel slighted. It was hard enough to limit it down to 31 books. Also, some of the titles I picked out were published on Deadite Press. I thought for a moment if that was a conflict of interest but fuck it. Part of the reason that I published the books was because I loved them.
If you have any issues with my criteria or who I picked, deal with it. Or better yet, make your own list!
So check back here October 1st and every day for the month as I talked about my 31 favorite works of horror literature.
May 31, 2018
THE VERY INEFFECTIVE HAUNTED HOUSE – out now!
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My new collection from Clash Books is out now!
It contains ten short stories, one poem, and one essay. Some you may have read before. Some are brand new for this collection. Here’s what you get in it:
1. The Very Ineffective Haunted House
2. The Window Shouldn’t Be There
3. TEN SECRETS TO SURVIVAL CLICKERS DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW – THEY REALLY HATE NUMBER SIX
4. How I Got a MY LITTLE PONY Tattoo
5. The GG Effect
6. The Dog Who Stared
7. The Most Accomplished Crackhead in the World
8. I’ve Seen Enough Hentai to Know Where this is Going
9. The Satanic Little Toaster
10. Hipster Hunter
11. Jinx Poem
12. MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURS: AN ODE TO DINOSAURS ATTACK!
13. Stories Behind The Stories
You can order the paperback from Amazon or from the Clash Books website.
You can also get the Kindle here.
April 13, 2018
Preorder my new collection – THE VERY INEFFECTIVE HAUNTED HOUSE
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My new collection is coming out May, 29th from Clash Books. It contains ten short stories, one poem, and one essay. Here’s the contents:
I’ve Seen Enough Hentai to Know Where this is Going
The Dog Who Stared
How I Got a MY LITTLE PONY Tattoo
The GG Effect
The Satanic Little Toaster
A Jinx Poem
Hipster Hunter
The Most Accomplished Crackhead in the World
Ten Secrets to Survival Clickers Don’t Want You to Know (They Really Hate Number Six)
The Window Shouldn’t Be There
The Very Ineffective Haunted House
Motherfucking Dinosaurs: An Ode to DINOSAURS ATTACK (an essay)
You can preorder the paperback from Amazon or from the Clash Books website.
You can also preorder the Kindle here.
March 6, 2018
THE VERY INEFFECTIVE HAUNTED HOUSE – a new story collection from Clash Books
I could not be fucking happier to announce that I have a new collection finally coming out! Clash Books will be releasing it which is a relatively new press from Leza Cantoral and Christoph Paul. I’ve known both of them for many years and they have great tastes and great aesthetics for art and entertainment. Already their output is so interesting and unique from the Jewish-pulp fiction of THE ANARCHIST KOSHER COOKBOOK by Maxwell Bauman to the erotic horror poetry of IF YOU DIED TOMORROW I WOULD EAT YOUR CORPSE by Wrath James White. I’m am so pleased and happy to be a part of this new press. My first release with Clash will be a collection of ten short stories, one poem, and one essay.
Check out this amazing cover from Joel Amat Güell:
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Here’s what will be included:
I’ve Seen Enough Hentai to Know Where this is Going
The Dog Who Stared
How I Got a MY LITTLE PONY Tattoo
The GG Effect
The Satanic Little Toaster
A Jinx Poem
Hipster Hunter
The Most Accomplished Crackhead in the World
Ten Secrets to Survival Clickers Don’t Want You to Know (They Really Hate Number Six)
The Window Shouldn’t Be There
The Very Ineffective Haunted House
Motherfucking Dinosaurs: An Ode to DINOSAURS ATTACK (an essay)
The release date is currently late May.
October 23, 2017
This Week – Bizarro Take Over of Portland!
For those of you in Portland there are two awesome bizarro events happening and both are free!
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 24
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Bizarro Fiction is a literary genre that can be subversive, weird and grotesque. It is also homegrown right here in Portland. Join Rose O’Keefe, publisher of Eraserhead Press, and her band of Bizarro authors for entertaining and engaging live performance art readings and a panel discussion about the genre and its history and relevance to our community.
Featuring readings by:
Jeremy Robert Johnson
Cameron Pierce
Tiffany Scandal
Jeff Burk
Kevin L. Donihe
Kirsten Alene
Danger Slater
FREE
Central Library
U.S. Bank Room
801 SW 10th Ave
Portland, OR
multcolib.org/events
Here’s the facebook event page
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26
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8pm: Of the Dark I Dare (Los Angeles)
9pm: The Slow Poisoner (San Francisco)
10pm: Shadowplay (DJ Dancing)
FREE!
http://www.ofthedarkidare.com/
http://www.theslowpoisoner.com/
http://www.thelovecraftbar.com/
Here’s the facebook event page
July 26, 2017
Jeff Attacks 24 – Circus Life and Clown Problems with Miss Spooky
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Miss Spooky joins Jeff to talk about her career as a circus and side show performer. She discusses her acts, the reality of being a clown on a national tour, and the remaking one’s self as a performer.
July 21, 2017
Punk, Ska, Noise, Bizarro, and Comedy – Tonight at the Gilbert Road Grotesque!
This is going down tonight in Portland and it’s going to be an amazing, weird, and extremely varied show!
FEATURING:
FORTY OUNCES – Crusty punk/ska from Idaho
Forty Ounces on Bandcamp – YouTube
DEAD AIR FRESHNERS – North West noise/art rock/post punk
ALSO FEATURING:
DANGER SLATER – Bizarro author of PUPPET SKIN
PHILIP SCHALLBERGER – Portland comedy
JENNIFER ROBIN – Portland poet and author of DEATH CONFETTI
JEFF BURK – Bizarro author of SHATNERQUAKE
HOSTED BY
GARRETT COOK – Bizarro and horror author of TIME PIMP and A GOD OF HUNGRY WALLS
TONIGHT – FRIDAY, JULY 21st
Old Gilbert Road Tavern
5501 SE 72nd Ave, Portland, OR 97206
9pm sharp!
FREE at the door but donations for touring band heavily encouraged!
June 29, 2017
Two New Books from Deadite Press – Out Now!
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“It’s like Jaws but with Bigfoot” – Shane McKenzie, author of Muerte Con Carne
Crushed heads, entrails, and piles of body parts are littering the woods surrounding the quaint English vacation town of Hambleton. A hungry cryptid is on the loose and is biting and tearing to pieces whoever and whatever it can catch. Now the residents must team up with a former-Nazi Bigfoot hunter to save themselves and their livelihood from this monstrous horror.
People must fight. Many of them will not live to see the next day…
The lucky ones died first!
Deadite Press is proud to present modern splatterpunk revivalist Jack Bantry who delivers an action-packed and blood-soaked creature-feature of a novel for fans of David Schow, Skipp & Spector and Richard Laymon.
Click here to buy from Amazon
Click here to buy from Barnes & Noble
Click here to read on your Nook
Click here to read on your Kindle
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From the master of extreme horror, Edward Lee, author of over fifty books that have redefined the boundaries of depravity in fiction, comes a novel that brings together all of his most extreme characters into one epic, gut-wrenching masterpiece of terror.
Plagued by nightmares of torture and intense violence, a writer suffering from trauma-induced memory loss seeks to solve the mystery of his missing past. The only clue is a single page of an unfinished manuscript found in an old manual typewriter, in a fleabag motel, in a small West Virginian town called Luntville. It is here that the writer will seek answers, believing that if he finishes the book he was writing, his memories will return.
But Luntville is not just some bumfuck town in the sticks. It is a place where the locals make extra cash by filming necro porn, a place where vigilantes practice a horrifying form of justice they call dead-dickin’, a place haunted by the ghosts of serial killers, occult demons, and a monster called the Bighead. And as the writer attempts to make sense of the town and his connection to it, he will be challenged in ways that test the very limit of his sanity.
Deadite Press is proud to present White Trash Gothic, the first book in a series of highly anticipated novels for fans of redneck nightmares and backwoods terror which invokes Edward Lee’s many classic gross-outs while exploring even more revolting and disturbing new directions.
Click here to buy from Amazon
Click here to buy from Barnes & Noble
Click here to read on your Kindle
Click here to read on your Nook (coming soon)
June 28, 2017
I Was A Guest Again on John Podesta’s Pizza Party Podcast
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I’m a big fan of John Podesta’s Pizza Party Podcast. It’s a fun, not 100% take on pop-politics. The show is very right leaning and I fall on the extreme left but I really like hearing different takes on politics and current events. I also really like having the opportunity to discuss issues with people of differing viewpoints – which JPPP has allowed me to do three times now.
I was on the latest episode where I debated/had conversation with production director of Proud Boys Magazine, Pawl Bazile. Here’s the summary of the episode:
“Proud Boy Magazine production director Pawl Bazile and Bizarro author Jeff Burk go head to head in a debate with the boys about feminism, Islam, the success of Trump’s administration, and then they discuss their favorite serial killers.”
It was a great time and you can check it out here.
If you are interested in checking out my previous appearances, here are the links:
May 13, 2017
My Review and Ranking of the Entire FRIDAY THE 13TH Franchise
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Not that long ago Amazon Prime uploaded the entire classic run of FRIDAY THE 13TH films. It had been a long time since I watched them and on a whim one evening I started the series from the beginning. Because I can be a bit of a compliest (especially when it comes to horror) I ended up rewatching the entire franchise.
I’ve never been much of a slasher fan. The first NIGHTMARE OF ELM STREET movie is fantastic horror but that series turning into cheesy comedy lost me. I’ve always found the HALLOWEEN movies to just be boring (yes, even the first). But for some reason I’ve always dug Jason. I love the character design and the franchises commitment to always being focused on Jason killing people. It’s sleazy, trashy, and just pure fun.
After rewatching here’s my ranking of all the movies with some brief thoughts on each one.
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1: FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER
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The quintessential FRIDAY flick. This film is essentially the origin story of every trope associated with the slasher genre. Tom Savini’s gore is some of the best of the series (at least from what the MPPA allowed us to see). It’s just Jason brutally killing teens for 90 minutes. When you picture a FRIDAY film in your head – you’re thinking of this one. Also this is the last film in the series to have the sleazy grindhouse feel (at least to me).
2: JASON X
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This is so absolutely insane and balls-to-the-wall that I can’t help but love it. People complain that this is stupid but that’s missing the point – this is Jason in space! Of course it’s stupid! There are some amazing death scenes (the frozen space and the “screw” death are obvious highlights) and cyborg uber-Jason. The moment when Jason is floating through space towards the characters never fails to make me giggle. Fucking great movie!
3: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES
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Super fun and the first appearance of zombie Jason. The larger scope of the story keeps it more interesting than many of the entries before and after. Plus the generous amount of metahumor predating the SCREAM franchise is surprisingly cutting edge. And what the fuck is with the cops in this movie? They are real fucking assholes.
4: FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)
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Basically a remake of the first four films in the franchise. It has that 00’s slick and gritty feel that many of the era’s horror remakes had but it really works here unlike so many other remakes from the same time. It’s just Jason killing teens with super slick gore but isn’t that why we watch these movies?
5: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART II
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Baghead Jason is really cool here and I kinda wish that we got to see more of that Jason in the series. This entry also haves the heaviest grindhouse aesthetic of the entire series (which is something I really dig).
6: FRIDAY THE 13TH
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The quintessential 80’s slasher that ripped off Bava’s A BAY OF BLOOD and spawn thousands of imitators. This may be an essential part of horror history but these days its better remember for ushering in the slasher subgenre than the actual movie itself. The kills are good (awesome effects from Tom Savini) and the twist at the end is still perfect but this is one of the few film series where I like a majority of the sequels more than the original.
7: FREDDY VS JASON
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When this first came out I loved it. It’s ridiculous, over-the-top, and gives us the WWE-influenced Freddy versus Jason fight we’ve always wanted to see. Now that some time has passed my feelings have tempered a bit. We spend WAY too much time with the boring teen characters and, outside of a few brief moments, I could have used a lot more blood and gore.
8: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD
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A really fun sequel that wear’s its dumbness proudly. The “Carrie” vs Jason story is one of the more memorable and exciting of the entire franchise. If it wasn’t for the fact that the gore is cut to hell here (seriously – almost every death is practically cut out of the movie) this would be higher up on my list.
9: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III
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This one I feel very “meh” over. It is where Jason gets his iconic hockey mask and the movie does have some good grindhouse moments but it’s very forgettable and stereotypical “eighties slasher.”
10: JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY
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A very average nineties-feeling horror movie that only features Jason in the opening and closing scenes. I believe this is the first movie that we don’t see Jason without his mask. I really wanted to see what super bloated and decomposed Jason looked like.
11: FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING
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My complaints over this one have nothing to do with the fact that Jason isn’t in this. No, my complaints the actual explanation for what is really going on is so anti-climatic that it ruins everything before. The reason the killer is killing is just goddamn fucking stupid (even for slashser standards). Plus this features all the worse tropes of slashers (characters falling and can’t stand, characters refusing to move out of oncoming trouble, annoying kid that’s more proficient at everything than any of the adults).
12: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN
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Just bad. It’s Jason on a boat for ninety minutes and Jason mostly in back alleys of NYC for ten minutes. Most of the kills are boring (the head punch is one notable exception). Honestly, this was a chore to get through.
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So that’s my list. After watching all the movies and thinking about them way too much I have some miscellaneous thoughts on the franchise as a whole:
I probably knew it in the past but had completely forgotten that 2, 3, and 4 take place over the course of one week. It was pretty neat seeing the previous massacres at the beginnings of the films from the perspectives of people just driving by.
The concept of Jason body-jumping – which was the basis for GOES TO HELL – was weirdly hinted at during the finale scenes of NEW BEGINNING.
Why do so many women lose the ability to walk/run/stand during these movies? At many points throughout the entire series the female characters will randomly fall over and crawl for sometimes up to dozens of yards while making zero attempts to get back on their feet. Why was this ever a trope?
The theatrical runs of these have many kill scenes that are borderline bloodless. I remember these movies being on TV all the time when I was a kid (it was how I first saw many of them). I wonder how little they had to edit out – all the nudity obviously but outside of a few scenes there’s just not that much gore in the franchise.
Jason reminds me a bit of Batman at times. In almost every movie there is a scene where he arranges in all the victim corpses into the perfect manner to surprise and scare the final girl. After she freaks out, he then appears. How does he know where to set everything up? Where does he know the right spot to hide? The answer – he’s Jason. Just like every question about Batman is answered with “he’s Batman.” Damn, now I want a Batman VS Jason story.
Is Jason is a spree killer or a serial killer? One of the defining aspects of a serial killer is the cooling off period. Jason, from the moment he starts killing in part 2, never seems to have a cooling off period. Sure he is stopped at times but he is more “killed” than choosing to take a break. In real life some spree killers take a night’s sleep before going back at it and Jason’s breaks seem more akin to that. Jason also has to seem to have a complete disregard for his own well-being whereas another trait of serial killers is planning out their crimes (but not always well) for their own safety. In conclusion, I believe that makes Jason a spree killer with the longest continuous spree in that franchise’s universe.
There’s actually a time jump in the series so most of the later movies are taking place years after the films actually came out. Fun fact – that means Jason is running amok in a post 9/11 NYC. No wonder no one cares.
The remake ends with Jason getting hung by a chain. If we would have got sequels this would have set up for zombie Jason to have the chain necklace which was present in all the zombie Jason movies from the original series.
I think the cat from the beginning of PART 2 was working with Jason. Jason was waiting for the girl to find the head in the fridge before attacking and the only reason she went to the fridge was because of the cat. We also never see Jason kill a cat the entire franchise.
This frame from JASON LIVES is the single best moment of the entire franchise:
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