Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 9

You may call me M'am :)

At Edinburgh, Scotland. You can see the Edinburgh castle behind me

Hi there,

How are you today? I think my yesterday's post  sent everyone who was calling me M'am, in a tizzy. If you want to call me M'am, please do

I am not your sister or mother, please! A note to the 'young'

Hi there!

How are you doing? Hope your day was good and peaceful today.

Sometime back I had read a brilliant article  Please don't call me Aunty by Shobha  Tharoor Srinivasan which I share from time to time on my social media. Do read it. (highlighted is the link)

I quote her opening lines

When you meet an adult woman, who is perhaps your mother’s age, what do you call her? Mrs.? Ms.? If she is between 10 and 20 years older than you, do you address her by her first name or last name? Or, do you pause to ask how she would like to be addressed?If you’re an Indian American, you’ll probably just call her “aunty.” “Aunty” and “Uncle” have become easy fallbacks when addressing people including distant associates, neighbors, acquaintances, and even total strangers who are older than oneself. I’ve watched the attractive shopkeeper in our neighborhood Indian store cringe and straighten her kurti when a jean-clad matron has the gall to address her as “aunty.” And I identify with her indignant irritation completely. As an adult woman who has also been called “aunty” one too many times by too many adults who I barely know, I have a bone to pick with what I believe has become a hapless naming practice.

She talks about why it is not about vanity, not about looking older and hence relegated to the 'auntydom' and 'Uncledom'.  She elucidates on how it takes away from an affectionate and endearing term, that means something, and why it is not about 'giving respect'.

I get tonnes of messages from readers  who fall in love with my books.  They  follow me on instagram and feel a connection with me. I am addresed as 'akka' or 'didi'. The people who address me this way mean no harm at all. On the contrary, it is with great affection they do this.
But I cringe when I hear the term.

Only my cousins, the one I grew up with  have earned the right to call me 'akka'. It's a moniker reserved for my nearest and dearest. I don't  even know the person who is addressing me this way. And therefore I dislike it. 

The other thing I intensely dislike is people comparing me to their mother. These are full grown college kids as well as some adults who do this ! I cringe when I hear this too. It creeps me out. I have my own two children to be a mom too--so, no thank you. I have absolutely no motherly feelings towards anyone  other than my kids!

Also terms like didi, akka, ma--all of it irks me because of an assumption of  familiarity  and closeness which the person hasn't earned.
A lot of people want to give me respect--they are taught that calling their elders by names is not okay. They call me Preetiji. That doesn't irk me at all. Some call me 'm'am'.  I don't like to be addressed as 'M'am ' either; It makes me feel like a professor. I tell them to call me by name but they are hesitant.  I can understand their discomfort in not giving me respect they think I deserve, and hence I let it go.


I also strongly feel that in India, we have such a warped sense of 'propriety' that many think that you are respecting a woman only if you call her 'sister' or 'didi'. (My vegetable vendor calls me didi or chechi and I am okay with that. But not my readers/fans)

A long time back, I worked with an editor who was in her seventies while I was in my thirties. I asked her how she would like to be addressed and she told me to call her by name. I did that. She said she loved it, as it immediately made her feel we are peers, and bridged the gap between the 'older' and the 'younger'. She said she felt young and carefree when I addressed her by name, as it has been a while since anyone called her by name. Nobody had asked her how she would like to be called.

I don't believe age brings respect. Respect is something that has to be earned. My yoga guru is someone I respect hugely. Though he is about 10 years younger than me, I call him 'Sir', as he is my teacher, my guru.

To me, these terms mean something. They are not just meaningless words I use.

If you don't know how to address a person, just ask them what you should call them
When they tell you, listen to them!


You might just  bridge that mental gap, when you call someone the way they like to be addressed. You might even  make a new friend, when you don't view them in terms of their age.

Think about it! (and tell me what you think in my comment box)


More tomorrow! Till then, chat with me in my comment box.

Lots of Love
Preeti
***************************
Photo by KS KYUNG on Unsplash


Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Four must read books for 4/20

Hi there,

How are you doing today? Today apart from being 20/4/20 , also happens to be Hitler's birthday. Holocaust is something that disturbs me a great deal, to the extent that if I think about it, I have physical symptoms like breathlessness and a churning in the gut. It affects me deeply.  I have no words for the most despicable, heinous and shameful incident history ever witnessed.
The visit  in January by the suriviors to  Auschwitz-Birkenau moved me to tears.

(coloured words are links..Please click  on it  if you wish to know more)

Apart from Diary of Anne Frank (which most people know of) , here are four books I highly recommend that have Holocaust as their theme. I am not reviewing them nor am I elaborating about what they are about, as there are tonnes of reviews already of these books, and you can look them up with a simple google search.

I am just giving you the names.


1. Man's search for meaning by Viktore Frankl: This is a life changing book which creates a paradigm shift in on's thinking.



2. Boy in Striped Pajamas by John Boyne: Read the book before you watch the movie.


3.  Maus by  Art Spiegelman. It took me weeks to recover from this book. It's a graphic novel which won the pulitzer prize



4. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah :It's main theme isn't holocaust but has a lot of details of the  horrors of those times. It's easily one of the finest books I have read.




Do read these books for sure. Your life will be richer having read them.

If you have any book recommendations for me on the above theme. books that deeply moved you, do let me know in my comment box.

That's all for today.

Lots of love
Preeti

********************************


Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Birthdays--a poem

Birthdays are special for someFor others it is just another dayIf you like the  birthday person,Then it is an opportunity to say
All the things you usually don’tFor we have been conditioned soWe don’t express our emotions alwaysBut on birthdays you can let that go
Tell the person you are there for themOnly if you mean it though!Send wishes that are genuineDon’t hold back, let the words flow

For life is so unpredictableAll your plans it could block
So celebrate every occasionCreate memories you can lock

For memories are treasuresAnd lest you forgetTo make each day countUsing every chance you get.

© 2020 Preeti Shenoy kindly do not reproduce without permission.







Happy Lockdown birthday Neel! 
It sure is a unique memory.


Edited to add:  This poem can be for anyone who has a birthday during this lockdown. It can also be for anyone who has a birthday. Period.
********************************************************
Photo by Hipster Mum on Unsplash

Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Tell me your happy things.

Hello again!

As promised I am back. What day of lockdown is this? I have forgotten. Guessing it is day 25 of lockdown.

I was looking back at all the posts I have written, and reading them. I was just thinking that while I write so much, I hardly get to  know YOU. I am of course familiar with all of you who leave me daily comments.
However, I would love to see a picture of you! So if you have an Instagram account, do give me your handle in my comment box, and in case it's a public account, I will try and leave you a comment on one of your photos. Same for Facebook. If it's not a public account, it's fine. Do not fret about it! We will continue to e-meet here, on my blog :)

Today, I want you guys to write for me.

Like I mentioned, I would love to get to know you better.  I also want to gently nudge you, (and I include myself in  that nudge) to think about your day from the time you woke up till now, and tell me the three happiest moments in your day today. It needn't be anything big. It can be something as simple as a cup of tea, or spotting a birds nest or a flower that bloomed.



I spotted a weaver bird's nest. I also spotted a Drongo!


Let's look at every little joy we can focus on, in these times of suffering and bad news.
Let this  be our safe sanctuary, our little corner of positivity.

So go on, fill up my comment box with your happy moments. I want to hear! If you are reading this in your inbox or on an aggregator site, please head over to my blog. 
Do not email me a reply please--I wont be able to write back. (However I will try and reply to all comments on the blog)

Go on then. Think! And type it out.
I am waiting to hear from you.




Lots of love
Preeti
*********************

Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash



Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

My Top 5 Podcasts.

Hello  Lovely person!

Since yesterday's post was a big hit (judging by the number of comments I got but perhaps that was because I said I am watching you with that crazy Goblin/elf pic!) I thought I would continue the series and share with you my five top podcasts .

I listen to a lot of podcasts when I walk my dog. I find them engrossing, fun and  I don't feel the time pass. I love listening to podcasts.

Here are five podcasts I love:



1. Modern Love : I love this one; All episodes are less than 20 minutes. They are deep, moving, though provoking, heart warming and well written essays.



2. Invisibilia: Here's what it is about




3.  Kind World: All episodes are under 10 minutes. Love this one too.





4.  On being : Krista Tippet : These are long  ones, and need very deep thinking.


5. New Yorker Fiction: Deborah Treisman





Apart from the above five which are my current favourites, in the past I have also listened to Serial.


I think from this list you might have gleaned what my taste is like, when it comes to Podcasts.

Do you have any favourites? Do you listen to podcasts?

Give me your suggestions and recommendations in my comment box on my blog  please.
Will look forward to your comments, as always.




That's it from me for today.
Till tomorrow, take care, stay hydrated, breathe deep and sleep well.

Lots of Love
Preeti
****************************
Photo by Juja Han on Unsplash
Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

My top 5 movies and TV shows.

Hello hello hello!

How was your day today?  You know what I like when I come to my page to blog? Reading all your comments. I usually blog, around this time--at the end of the day, when all my chores are done and I am done for the day. It is a delight then to go through all your comments.
And all of you reading and leaving without writing back to me--I am watching you :)







I really like the interactions here, and I do reach each and every comment, and also reply.

For today's post, I thought I would do my top 5 movies , and TV shows.
My all time favourite movies

1. The Shawshank Redemption : It's been my favourite for many years, and it still remains there.

2. Life is Beautiful :An Italian film directed by Robert Benigni


3. Brokeback Mountain : The passion, the beautiful settings , the brilliant actors make this a must watch.

4.  Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind: Beautiful movie!

5. Pursuit of Happyness: (spelled with a y) ,The Bucket List, Bridge to Terabithia,  Bridges of Madison County, Goodwill Hunting, Big eyes,  The revolutionary road, Little Children,  Cast Away, Green Mile, Sully,  Inglorious Basterds, Toy Story (all the movies), Theory of Everything, Snowden, Boyhood.

( Sorry, it  was impossible to pick just 5!)


My top 5 TV shows:

1. Game of Thrones: They did mess up the last season, but all the seasons before that were brilliant.
2. Narcos: What a show! Pablo Escobar , Agent Penya, The Medellin Cartel, Cali cartel: All of it is such an  interesting and fascinating world.
3. Breaking Bad: Watch it!
4. Marvellous Mrs. Maisel
5. Queer eye,  Marie Kondo, Band of Brothers, Stranger things, Anne with an E, Schitt's Creek,  Delhi Crime.


Again it was hard to stick to five!

These are the ones that come to the top of my mind. I might be forgetting a few. If I recall anymore, I will update this list.



Have you watched any of these? Tell me in comments. on my blog.

Till tomorrow: Distract yourself with a good movie or a TV show!


Lots of love
Preeti
********************************
Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash



Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

What would you do if someone stole from YOU?

Hello wonderful person!

If you have been reading my blog, you can be nothing but wonderful! How are you on Day 22 of Lockdown?

Today, my fitness coach (and friend) Neel,  messaged me. He keeps posting fitness challenges as well as daily workout (There's a lot of stuff  for beginners) too  on his page.  A couple of days back put a challenge on his page which was an original challenge by him. Someone completed the challenge and then posted it as their own, with no credit to  Neel.

It has happened to me many times. My content has been stolen, quotes from my books are taken and people put it up as their own quotes. Same happens with photos I click. Sometimes pictures of me, are used without my permission. One time, someone stole a pic of my garden and used it in their ad! (Can you believe the cheek?)  Another time they stole a picture of my mother and me, and used it in an article. You bet I raised hell and got them to take it down!

Using something without attribution to the creator is plain wrong unless it is taken from sites specifically for that purpose. There are many sites from which you can take content without attribution. (Still, I always try and give credit.)

It reminded me of this incident which happened many years ago, on my birthday. Satish had written this post for me on my birthday:


The next thing we know, someone on his friend's list copies the exact post above, word to word..And he posts it on his page, changing the last name to that of his wife!!  (It was his wife's b'day )

I was outraged!  How could he do this?!
I asked Satish why he didn't call him out for blatantly lifting off such a heartfelt note dedicated to me.  Satish said that initially he was angry too. Then he  went to that person's page and  read the comments beneath that post. Everyone was praising that person for coming up with such a lovely post .This person was acting as though it was he who wrote it.
 Among the people praising him, his daughter who had said 'Papa, you have written it so well.'
Satish said that, even though the person had stolen the post, in his daughter's eyes, he was a hero. He didn't want to expose him, because he didn't want that person's daughter to  think less of him.
I found that magnanimous and kind. Imagine that guy's loss of face, if Satish had called him out.
Now  after so many years, we're just amused about this.

People shouldn't  be passing off stuff as their own, if they didn't have anything to do with it in the first place. Only the creator knows how it is so hard to come up with something original. Many do not understand the importance of giving credit to the creator. I think it is extremely essential. After all, it is recognition  and acknowledgement of one's creative worth that the artist craves--be it a workout challenge, a facebook post or a quote from a book you wrote.

What do you say? Tell me in my comment box, please.  If you are reading this in your inbox, or an aggregator site,  may I please request  you to head over to my blog and  use the comment box?I would love to know what you think.





That's all from me, for today.

See you again tomorrow.

Lots of love
Preeti
*************************************
Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash


Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Hello. Tell me how you are!

Hello there!

How was your day today?

Today completes 21 days of lockdown. But now that it has been extended, I am extending the #21days of positivity too, as requested by many many of you. Thank you for the thundering 'ayes' to my question of whether I should continue.

For today's post, I thought we would talk about the #Lockdown itself , and do a recap of  the impact it has had on all our lives.

How have these 21 days been for you?

For me, these 21 days have been rather pleasant and peaceful, although crazily busy. As regards the housework, Satish and I do it all ourselves. Our children are both studying outside India (yes, they are safe). Since it is just two of us, it is not hard to manage at all. He and I both cook, wash, clean, water the plants etc. I have my art to do (I make a portrait daily), I have my daily workout plus a lot of other tasks.I run on a tight schedule and before I realise it, yet another day has passed.


I live in a very  small gated community  (hardly 20 families spread over an extremely  large area ; even our houses follow social distancing!) . The gates are sealed ever since the lockdown was announced.  We have an arrangement with a local grocer, where we order stuff in turns. 4-5 families can order on the same day. We write our requirements on a piece of paper and leave it at the security gate, in a bag along with our name, Villa number and phone number. The grocer picks it up in the morning. By evening, he delivers it to the security personnel, and we collect it. One person co-ordinates the payment to the grocer. Thus we do not have to leave our homes at all. But we don't always get what we order as it is out of stock. So he substitutes it with what he thinks would be acceptable. We're learning to quickly adapt.


How are you all getting your groceries and essentials? How is it in your area or neighbourhood? Do let me know which part of the world you are from, and how your situation is right now. How has your life changed? Do you find it hard? Are you worried? Are you stressed? Are you sleeping well?

 Do share in my comment box, so that everyone who reads this post knows they are not alone right now, and so many are going through the same difficult situation.




Stay home. Stay safe. Save lives.
Until tomorrow
Lots of love
Preeti
*****************************
Photo by Sandie Clarke on Unsplash
Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Careful with your words. They are POWERFUL.

Hi there bright soul!

Thank you so much for all the beautiful, overwhelming and encouraging comments you left on my blogpost of yesterday, asking me to continue the #21daysof positivity. I had also asked on my Instagram whether I should continue  and a whopping 95% said yes.



So alright--I will! (I am imagining your applause and taking a bow)

I have a confession to make--on some days, I am so tired that I am dozing off while writing the posts. But then I wake myself up, because I know you would be waiting. If my writing can make a difference in even one person's life, I am not going to let you down. I am fiercely committed that way, once I give my word. I always keep it up, no matter how hard it is.

Today something nice happened. Out of thousands of artists who are taking part in Sktchy's #30faces30days challenge, the portrait I made got picked to be displayed on the home page. That's a huge honour. Here's what I made today:




Those amongst us who are plant lovers will vouch that the caption in this artwork  is true. I know my plants can 'sense' me. It is not something I imagine or project. I truly can 'see' the plant's happiness, when I am around and I water them.

I don't know if you have heard of the experiments which many conducted where they got two identical plants. One was spoken lovingly to and the other was bullied and yelled at. At the end of 30 days, the one which was spoken to positively flourished, while the other one didn't do well at all.
You can read one such experiment here   and yet another one here.

For it to be scientifically accepted, the experiments would have to be replicated thousands of times in controlled lab conditions and it is hard to do this.

I for one, do not need any scientific proof. I instinctively know this, as I can SEE it, and FEEL it.

Words definitely have a power to affect energy. Words have  a power to change us.
Words are magic.

I have experienced this over and over. I have manifested so many things, only by thoughts and words.

We have to be very careful with out words, with our narratives, with what we tell ourselves. We have to treat ourselves like how we treat a valued friend.
Example: If we accidentally drop a glass and it shatters. our immediate reaction usually is "I'm such an idiot..How could I?' we berate ourselves internally and for most of us this process is automatic,
If a friend of ours dropped and shattered the glass, we would immediately say 'It's okay. it's just a glass.'

Starting now, I want you to watch your internal chatter. What is it that you tell yourself? Do be aware.

I do   love hearing back from you  but do leave  me your thoughts  only in the comment box  on my blog please, and do not dash off an email in reply.

( Though I keep saying this over and over, many mail me. I have decided not to  read or respond to the emails simply because they  add to my workload of sorting through hundreds of mails I get and  they steal my time. When I blog, I have dedicated a block of my time for this, and it is easier for me to reply to all comments in one place. Also, it irks me because I have requested politely and people do not oblige. If they can't do this little thing I ask of them, then they don't deserve my time or attention.) *end rant*


If you are leaving comments in my comment box, then please ignore the above para. It is not for  you!

Do you believe in the power of words? Do you believe in manifestation. I would love to know if you manifested anything. I look forward to your comments.
I shall reply to all the lovely comments, left on yesterday's post soon.

See you tomorrow!



Till then, say some kind words to yourself!
Lots of Love
Preeti
*************************
Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash




Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/