Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 65

5 lousy things men do to women.

Men and women do communicate differently. Whether men are from Mars and women are from Venus or not, it is important to co-exist peacefully on Earth.
Here are top five lousy things that a man can do to a woman, often without realizing, just how much they bother a woman.

1. Make her feel guilty : This tops my list of the lousy things guys do.Feeling guilty about many things has long been seen as a female trait. For some reason, women try really hard to be 'great wives', 'great mothers' and 'great professionals' all rolled into one. Most women have a well developed guilt gene. We don't need men adding to it. 'Didn't you pay the electricity bill?' or 'Jesus! It cost 3000 bucks?' or 'Baby---Hasn't the house been cleaned today?' might sound like very innocent, matter-of-fact questions to a guy. But this is enough to send a woman's guilt complex into over-drive. Later, if you ask her, 'what's the matter? Was it something I said?' and she says 'No. Nothing', do not blame her.

2.Make her feel that her choice of clothes is not 'appropriate': In a country like India, which doesn't have the best of reputation when it comes to women's safety, making  woman feel like 'she-is-asking- for-trouble-because-of-what-she-is-wearing' reeks of a condescending attitude. You are doubting the woman's judgement to wear what she thinks is appropriate. Don't do it.

 

3.Make her feel like she has to explain how she spends her time:  She definitely has a right to spend her time with her interests without you being a part of it. She isn't rejecting you, by doing so.In fact, scientific research has proven that too much togetherness can be detrimental to a relationship. Don't make her spend every minute that she is back from work, with you.


4.Make awful remarks about her friends/family : This is a big no-no. You have a right to dislike her mother, her friends, her sibling(s)  and her pets. But expressing it is a taboo. Swallow your opinion, strangle it or blurt it out to your chaddi-buddy (or your therapist!)  if it will give you some solace. But don't ever diss the people she likes. They are in her life, because she chooses them and do remember she has chosen you too. If you really love her, be tolerant of her choices. Respect them.



5.Ask her to 'relax' or 'chill' when she is bothered about something : Most men are 'problem-fixers'. Women like to talk about their problems and explain what bothers them. Most guys ask them to 'Chill, it's no big deal'.  Or they tell them that they are making a fuss about nothing. The woman is confiding in you, not because she wants you to fix it. Simply listen to her.(and usually that is enough) Do not judge and definitely do not tell her to relax because it makes her feel that you have not understood how much the issue bothers her.


Ladies, if you have any more to add to the  above list,  do leave me a comment and I shall add them.:)
Guys-- Introspect and see if you do any of the above and if you don't, give yourself a pat on the back from me! _____________________________________________________________________

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Wordless Wednesday no.40 . #smwInfosys

Some snap shots from
 http://socialmediaweek.org/bangalore/events/?id=160027#.UwHEZIVfQQ6

Women panelist @preetishenoy at #SMWInfosys @dhempe Inspirational talk, thanks a bunch connecting communities pic.twitter.com/iyC6WtmWf0
— Aravind Balakrishnan (@aravindbk) February 18, 2014

Mementos offered to panelists @preetishenoy @the_aliciasouza @mithilasmita #SMWInfosys pic.twitter.com/OIhiqXcwe2
— Infosys (@Infosys) February 18, 2014

With the fabulous Alicia D Souza   
Had a GREAT time.(I know you can tell :) )

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10 ways to tell if your Valentine is The One You Cannot Have

1. They have logged into whatsapp thrice since you sent that ‘hello’, it’s been eight hours now and you still haven’t got a reply. (Real valentines reply back within 15 minutes unless they are on a flight to U.S and their phone is switched off. And even if they are, they reply soon on landing!)
2. You send a message wishing ‘Happy Valentines’ and you get a reply asking ‘Who is this?’ (Run!)
3.You have posted photos of you getting an award, photos of you on that vacation or photos of something that you are proud of. The whole world and their aunt and dog have liked it. But they haven’t even seen it. (No, they aren’t that busy. They are not interested in your life. Accept it!)
4.You have sent them an email and there is no response for more than 24 hours. (Yes, we know. They have been sooooo busy with ‘too many things’)
5.They gift you something that would be suitable to give as a gift to a boss or a colleague. 
6.Worse, they don’t  gift you anything at all.
7.You log in to Facebook and discover their photos on a night out with their friends when you were supposed to have met for a date.
8.You call up at midnight to wish them on their special occasion and their phone continuously engaged. Next morning they tell you that they were so tired that they slept off.
9.You haven’t spoken on the phone for more than five days and when you login to Facebook, you suddenly see a change in their relationship status.
10. If all  of the above or even one of the above has happened to you, don’t worry. There is always this ! Get it for yourself—it is cheaper than diamonds, wine, teddy bears or any of those other crappy valentine stuff.
Besides, it will stay with you, never leave you, will comfort you and be your best friend. Forever! I promise :)

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Of clearing clutter in relationships and friendships.

 A few days ago, AOL coolage,  which is really popular with Indian colleges and universities, came over to my home and interviewed me.
Do watch the interview. (It is 7 minutes and 24 seconds long)  It's got footage of my home, my son and even my garden cat which sneaks in, when my dog isn't around :) I quite liked how Coolage has put it all together.
Here is the link: (Do watch and come back and  leave me a comment after you do)

http://videos.coolage.in/coolage/a-chat-with-the-best-selling-author-preeti-shenoy-518120723

Today's post is going to be on friendship. A little while back, I was chatting with a good friend of mine. She told me that she was going to cut out a certain person from her life, because she felt taken for granted, far too many times. My friend was there for her , through a bad time and had only been supportive. Yesterday, she made a very rude remark, about my friend, in front of all the office colleagues. Even though my friend told her that she was hurt, this person did not bother to apologise. My friend had given her far too many chances and one of her resolutions this year, was to not let anyone treat her badly. So she walked away, closed the chapter and moved on. My friend is glad that she sticks by it and it has improved her life dramatically.

I nodded in agreement because I knew exactly what she was talking about. I too have had my share of 'I-will-call-you-only-when-something-good-happens-to-me-I-don't much-care-about-what-happens-you'  kind of friends. Over a period of time, I have realised these kinds of friends aren't worth my time. I would rather spend it with the ones who are genuine and who care.

Mostly, when something fantastic happens to you, you can judge by the reactions of the people you share the news with, what they really feel about it. It is hard to fake happiness and enthusiasm. It is also hard to mask plain old jealousy.

Many a time, we make excuses for our friends.."Oh--maybe she was pre-occupied.. Oh maybe, he was too busy and will get back." Ask yourself, what the pattern has been in your friendship. Is this always the case? Do they get back when they said they will? Or do they get so caught up in their world that they forget all about you? Do they call only to talk about their successes, their problems? Or are they there to give you a patient ear? What is your gut feel? Are you happy about the way you are treated?

If you are, cherish the friendship, nurture it.

But if there is even a seed of doubt in your mind, rethink.

It is only when we clear clutter that positive energy flows--be it in your home, in your relationships or your life.

Focus only on that which makes you feel good, energised and positive about yourself.
Let go of the others. (It may be painful at first as nobody likes chnage, especially if the change shakes you out of your comfort zone)

Once you do this, you will be making place for more meaningful relationships.
 
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A little routine.

The routine in unvarying. Whenever my daughter comes back from school, she calls out 'Hi Mamma..Where are you?" No matter which part of the house I am in, no matter what I am doing, I always , rush to her and hug her.

Her next question is predictable too.
'What have you made today?'
Sometimes it is chilli cheese toast, sometimes dosa, sometimes rotis and sometimes when I am too tired or to have been too busy to make anything special, it is just plain old Maggi noodles. (met with joyous screams of 'yay-it-is-maggi-today')

Then she asks me to sit with her, while she eats. And she narrates in the minutest detail, all that has happened at school.
I listen.
In silence.
Without interrupting, judging or saying a thing.

I see all that she describes.
I feel all that she has gone through.
I can experience her happiness, her disappointments, her little victories and her tiny miniscule failures.
I learn with her.
About people, about life, about the world.

She sometimes asks me for advice. I choose my words carefully.

And even though I have seen it all before, it is still new.
 

She is such a blessing, my not-so-little girl.

And through her, I sometimes live.

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Some snap shots from Delhi, Gurgaon and Jaipur.

This is a photo post.

 I have just got back from my book launches in Delhi, Gurgaon and Jaipur and here are snapshots from my trip. (The book launches went off fabulously well and I had a great time!)


With Sachin Garg, Nikita Singh and Vinita Dawra Nangia

  Vinita liked my book! Yay!


Had a really good time with Nikita Singh!
Sachin always makes me feel on top of the world! :)




With Anuja Chauhan! :)


With Mita Kapur of Siyahi at Crossword Jaipur. Mita had some wonderful things to say about my book!





Got treated Rajashtani style..Loved it!

Anuj, my very gracious host! I am so going back to Jaipur, and this time with my family. I totally fell in love with the place.
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For those in Delhi, Gurgaon and Jaipur.

Tomorrow (6th Feb)  I leave for Delhi.

If you are in Delhi, do drop in at 6.30 pm, to Landmark, Ambience Mall, Vasant Kunj.
 I will be in conversation with Vinita Nangia, Senior Editor, Times of India. (I love her columns O-zone that appears every Sunday in Times Life) . Vinita loved my book! Praise from her, meant a lot to me.



On 7th, we have another event happening in Gurgaon.



I will be in conversation with Anuja Chauhan. Right now, I am reading her first book 'The Zoya Factor' and I love it! Her second book 'Those Pricey Thakur girls' has recently been released. (I am yet to read that one).

On 8th, I will be in Jaipur, in conversation with Mita Kapur who is a writer herself and also the founder and CEO of Siyahi , a literary consultancy.



I had posted the invites on my Facebook page a little while ago.
A reader commented

"Hi. You are close but not very close to my place. :( "

I replied back saying "Well, I am traveling  2157 kilometres to come to your city."

The fact is, I do leave my home (my children have to be on their own till my husband comes back from work, and sometimes he is working late or traveling) , my dog and all my other work, when I travel to come to your city. I give up on my precious and much awaited weekends too! I feel wonderful when people turn up in large numbers to attend the event that my publishers take great pains to organise. All my events are very interactive, and we talk, converse and have a lot of fun.

As a writer, when I meet my readers face to face, it is always a happy moment.

Nothing beats a face to face meeting.
If you are in Delhi or Gurgaon, and are reading this, I am hoping to see you :)

After all I have travelled more than 2000 kilometres to be in your city. :)

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Everything has it's time

Of all the things that my grandmother used to tell me, one thing that I find reminding myself again and again is "Everything has it's time."

This I think is very true. No matter how hard you try, some things do not work out until it's 'time has come'. Whether you are trying hard for that coveted job, or whether you are trying to find your life-partner or whether you are trying to have a baby or whether you are trying to get into a university or a college of your choice, there are some things which are just beyond your control.

Life comes with no guarantees, with no certainties. This is something that I can vouch for. Life takes twists and turns that you never even imagined even in your wildest dreams.It has happened to me. It has happened to so many people I know. And perhaps it has even happened to you.

Mostly, when we are going through a troubled time, what we forget is the bigger picture. During such times, an exercise that I find useful is to rewind back three years and see where you were. Don't your worries of that time, seem irrelevant today? Perhaps you worried for nothing?

Time does have a way of taking care of everything.

And if something you longed for hasn't yet come to you,  you can be certain  it is because there is something better in store and you are being propelled on a path that you otherwise might not have otherwise explored.

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Where to find inspiration for writing.

So the Hyderabad litfest and the Times of India litfest at Bangalore, both went off fabulously well.

Here is a pic from the Hyderabad litfest. I was in conversation with Milan Vohra and Ratna Rao.





And here is a picture from the Bangalore Times of India litfest, where I was in conversation with Vaishali Mathur, senior commissioning editor, Penguin India.






I was told that our session rocked :) It was crackling, sparkling and there was a lot of interaction! :) We spoke about 'Love in the times of Google' and I read out relevant passages from my new book. We spoke about partners sharing passwords, about emotional infidelity, about the use of Internet in making new connections and how our social lives have changed because of invasion of technology.

Those in Delhi, I am coming to your city! I will be in Delhi on 6th Feb and in Gurgaon on 7th Feb. I shall put up the invites on my Facebook page. 

(And yes, we will be talking about Love in Times of Google. I will be in conversation with Vinita Nangia Senior Editor, Times of India in New Delhi and with Anuja Chauhan ( Author of books like Zoya factor, Those pricey Thakur girls) in Gurgaon. )

At most of these events, I get asked over and over again--"Where do you get your inspiration from?"

Honest answer to that would be I don't know. I can find inspiration from anything! I can find inspiration from a dried leaf that is now dead and decaying.(Like this poem I wrote). I can get inspiration from something as mundane as a pressure cooker whistling. (I can think of at least ten stories that involve a pressure cooker, even as I type!). I can get inspiration from a beautiful sunset. I can get inspiration from a sentence that someone uttered. I can get inspiration from a single word. I can get inspiration from something I read in the news, from an incident that occurred or didn't occur, from a noisy or a nosy or a nice neighbor, from a young lad waiting on tables in a restaurant, from an abandoned pet, from a bird that perches on my balcony every day, from a squirrel---from anything really.

And that is the truth.

Perhaps the people who ask these questions want to know where I get the ideas from. (I make them up, inside my head! My mind is a very busy place). Perhaps they want to write too. I don't know.

If you want to write, the best way would be to start to read. Read, read and read. Make your reading wide and varied. Read everything you can lay your hands on. And then write. Write about anything. Write about everything. Write about nothing. But write.

That's the only way to become a writer! :)

Will blog again soon. I have some urgent personal work to take care of.
But that won't stop me from blogging.

Till the next post, be cheerful and keep smiling. Remember to count your blessings and be grateful for them.
Life isn't that bad too! :)

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Litfests galore!

I will be at the Hyderbad lit fest tomorrow (24th january 2014)

Here is the link to the site with all details

http://www.hydlitfest.org/

Here are the details of my session.
Ashiana  -  Poolside Friday, January 24, 2014: 4:00 pm-5:00 pm
Panel: LoveLit
Milan Vohra, Preeti Shenoy
Moderator: Ratna Rao Shekar

On 26th January (Sunday) I will be at the Times of India Lit fest.

Here are the details:



I will also be having a Book Discussion event  at Delhi on 6th February, Gurgaon on 7th February and Jaipur on 8th February. I shall put up details closer to date. (Do check on my Facebook page too, in case I am unable to put it up here)

So all of you in Hyderabad who are reading me, see you tomorrow! I look forward to being in your city!

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