Janice Hardy's Blog, page 115

A 3-Step Plan for Handling Backstory in a Series

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Backstory. It’s right up there with adverbs for the top things writers avoid when writing. But in a series, backstory is more just just the history going into book one—it’s everything that’s happened in previous books, too.

This is particularly challenging if the series has an over-arcing storyline. Events from previous books affect what’s happening in the current book, and if readers haven’t read them (or haven’t read them in a long time), references to those events are meaningless or confusing.

Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

Writing Prompt: The Photo Prompt: No Love for You

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

This week’s prompt is a photo prompt. Write whatever comes to mind, be it a description, a story, or even a poem.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, let’s get thematic and write about unrequited love.

Write something inspired by this photo. 
 Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading This Historical Mystery?

Critique By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two 

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 24.

This week’s questions:

1. Will you want to keep reading?

2. Is there enough description?

3. Am I showing rather than telling?

Market/Genre: Historical Mystery

On to the diagnosis…

Original text:

Background: While set during WW1, it is a murder mystery which moves quickly from London to Cornwall. The murder takes place on The Night Riviera, the sleeper train that runs from Paddington Station to Penzance.

London, May 1917

I hurried down Pickering Street in the murky darkness. Up ahead, to my right, lived sweet old Mrs. Crumpet. I slowed my pace to check her windows. A slice of light was visible.

“Not again,” I sighed. I stomped up the brick steps of Number 14 and rapped sharply on the door with the handle of my umbrella. I really must be firm with her this time.

“Mrs. Crumpet?” I waited. “Mrs. Crumpet, it is Alberta.”

I heard dainty shuffling footsteps and the rattle of the old brass doorknob. The door opened just a tad. I could see an eyeball, a slice of a plaid print robe and the chain that held the door fast.

“Mrs. Crumpet you have a light showing again and your hall lamp is glowing like a flair.”

“Oh Alberta dear, I’m sorry. But please come in and have a cup of tea, I desperately need your help; it’s Peachy again.”

Mrs. Crumpet stepped back and shut the door in my face. I could hear her fiddle with the door chain. “Remember your hall light,” I called. The door opened and she let me into a tiny vestibule. The scent of dusty violets and cinnamon enveloped me as stepped in and I closed the door behind me. Mrs. Crumpet, standing on tiptoe like an aged ballerina, turned the gaslight back up.

“I’m sorry dear, for the lights, but I’ve been so frantic about Peachy. He has been gone for two days, ever since the last air raid. You know how loud noises drive him crazy.”

“But Mrs. Crumpet any bit of light is a beacon, we must be extremely vigilant. I must impress upon you the seriousness of the situation.” I went into the sitting room and adjusted the faded cretonne curtain.

“Yes dear,” Mrs. Crumpet said as she padded through the sitting room to the kitchen, “would you like a biscuit with your tea?”

My Thoughts in Purple:

London, May 1917

I hurried down Pickering Street in the murky darkness. Up ahead, to my right, lived sweet old Mrs. Crumpet. I slowed my pace [to check] tellish her windows. A slice of light was visible.

“Not again[,” I sighed.] Use a period, not a comma. “Sighed” isn’t a manner of speech I stomped up the brick steps of Number 14 and rapped sharply on the door with the handle of my umbrella. I really must be firm with her this time.

“Mrs. Crumpet?” I waited. “Mrs. Crumpet, it is Alberta.”

[I heard] tellish dainty shuffling footsteps and the rattle of the old brass doorknob. The door opened just a tad. [I could see] tellish an eyeball, a slice of a plaid print robe and the chain that held the door fast.

“Mrs. Crumpet you have a light showing again and your hall lamp is glowing like a flair.”

“Oh Alberta dear, I’m sorry. But please come in and have a cup of tea, I desperately need your help; it’s Peachy again.”

Mrs. Crumpet stepped back and shut the door in my face. [I could hear ] tellish her fiddle with the door chain. “Remember your hall light,” I called. The door opened and she let me into a tiny vestibule. The scent of dusty violets and cinnamon enveloped me as stepped in and I closed the door behind me. Mrs. Crumpet, [standing on tiptoe like an aged ballerina,] nice image turned the gaslight back up.

“I’m sorry dear, for the lights, but I’ve been so frantic about Peachy. He has been gone for two days, ever since the last air raid. You know how loud noises drive him crazy.” I assume this is a cat or dog, but it’s never stated. Also, a pet has gone missing and Alberta never responds or offers sympathy, which makes her feel a little cold

“But [Mrs. Crumpet] the repeated use of her name is feeling a bit repetitious any bit of light is a [beacon] to what? I know by the dates it’s WWI, stating it would help set the scene and show the stakes, we must be extremely vigilant. [I must impress upon you the seriousness of the situation.] This feels off, since this is what she’s doing overall. Perhaps a specific action? Such as, We can’t make ourselves a target or the like ” I went into the sitting room and adjusted the faded cretonne curtain.

“Yes dear,” Mrs. Crumpet said as she padded through the sitting room to the kitchen, “would you like a biscuit with your tea?”

The questions:

1. Will you want to keep reading?

This is a bit of a tough call (readers chime in here). There’s nothing hooking me yet, but I’m also not a reader of historical mysteries. Like fantasy, historicals often need a little more time to get to the conflict to allow for world building. It’s possible that the hook appears in the next few paragraphs. There is a pet missing, and the threat of an air raid, but I get the sense that this is normal and isn’t part of the conflict, or what will get Alberta to the conflict (the murder part).

I think what this is missing is a stronger goal from Alberta. She’s protecting the neighborhood by making sure the lights are off, but what else is going on in her life? Could you hint at how she’s going to wind up on the train with the murder? I’m looking for a sense of a forward plot movement, or a question readers might want to see answers. What is the problem or situation that Alberta is going to find herself in before long?

If she’s going to travel, perhaps she’s thinking about that and worrying over who will watch out for Mrs. Crumpet when she’s away. Or maybe she’s excited to go on an adventure. Something to show the anticipation of her somehow being on the train.

(Here’s more on hooking readers in three easy steps)

2. Is there enough description?

There was for me. Historicals often use more description to set the scene, so you could do more if you wanted to. The one thing I’m not getting is a sense of life during the war. London was bombed a lot, even by airships, which is a really cool detail to add. You might consider flavoring the scene with more of the war. For example:

A slice of light was visible. [You could add a sense of the trees or plants or what the house is built from to show old stone and English ivy. Or the results of bombings or fighting. What was this part of London like this close to the end of the war?]

…she let me into a tiny vestibule [An opportunity to show some furnishings or some hints of WWI life. What would folks living under the threat of air raids have right by the door?]

“would you like a biscuit with your tea?” [I’m not sure if there was rationing and whatnot in London in WWI, but a lack of common supplies could be another detail to slip in. This is toward the end of the war, so what were they out of then?]

A few words here and there is all you’d need. They’d be more background details, but they could add a nice flavor of the time period.

(Here’s more on adding descriptive details)

3. Am I showing rather than telling?

Mostly, yes. For the very picky, there are some filter words that you could edit out if you wanted to be tighter in her head.

to check her windows. [”to check” implies the intent to stop and look, it doesn’t show the action. “And checked” shows the action]

I heard dainty shuffling footsteps and the rattle of the old brass doorknob. [This explains what was heard. If you cut the filter word, you could show it like: Dainty footsteps shuffled closer, then the old brass doorknob rattled.

I could see an eyeball, a slice of a plaid print robe and the chain that held the door fast. [Same here. She’s stating what she could see, but here’s no sense of anything more than the basic detail. But it’s an opportunity to show personality, such as: Mrs. Crumpet’s good eye peered through the crack, as formidable as the chair holding the door fast.

I could hear her fiddle with the door chain. [Metal scrapped. Chain rattled. There are all sorts of specific words that show sounds with more flavor.]

I must impress upon you the seriousness of the situation. [This feels very 1917, but it’s also a summary of what she’s trying to do in the scene, so it feels a little redundant. It’s another opportunity to show how Alberta feels and why she’s trying so hard to get Mrs. Crumpet to take this seriously.]

None of these are terrible tells, and many people would have no problem with them. But they’re also just stating what’s there, not using the details to evoke mood or show character.

(Here’s more on filter words and the can hurt a scene)

Overall, I think this could work with just a little tweaking to add in the sense of things about to happen. The setting itself is rife with danger, and Alberta has opportunities to show her likability and why readers should read about her. It’s a scene that could work to endear Alberta to readers, so when she heads off for the train and the murder, they’re on board and eager to see the mystery solved. Give them just a few clues that something in brewing, and they’ll be happy to take the journey with Alberta.

Thanks to our brave volunteer for submitting this for me to play with. I hope they–and others–find it helpful. I don’t do a full critique on these, (just as it pertains to the questions) and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions of your own. Just remember that these pieces are works in progress (many by new writers), not polished drafts, so be nice and offer constructive feedback.

About the Critiquer

A long-time fantasy reader, Janice Hardy always wondered about the darker side of healing. For her fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, she tapped into her own dark side to create a world where healing was dangerous, and those with the best intentions often made the worst choices. Her novels include The Shifter , Blue Fire , and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. The Shifter, was chosen for the 2014 list of "Ten Books All Young Georgians Should Read" from the Georgia Center for the Book. It was also shortlisted for the Waterstones Children's Book Prize, and The Truman Award in 2011.

Janice is also the founder of Fiction University, a site dedicated to helping writers improve their craft. Her popular Foundations of Fiction series includes Plotting Your Novel: Ideas and Structure and the companion Plotting Your Novel Workbook . Her Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft series offer step-by-step guide to revising a novel. Her Skill Builders series includes Understanding Show Don't Tell (And Really Getting It), and Understanding Conflict (And What It Really Means).    Website | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Indie BoundWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

What Your Query Says About Your Book

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

This week's Refresher Friday takes another look at the importance of a query letter--even if you're going the indie path.

The query letter is a valuable tool for writers. Not only does it help them clarify their idea, it's the letter that will hook and agent or editor, or become the cover copy that will make a reader buy the book. Writing one is a smart move, whether you're going indie or traditional publishing.

The query letter is the first impression your manuscript will make on someone, and when it doesn't make a good impression, it's not uncommon to ask (often in frustration), "How much can you really tell about my book from a query anyway?"

A lot, actually. And not just about the book.

Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

The Vexing Conundrum of Amazon

By Dario Ciriello

Part of the Indie Authors Series

At some point or other, any indie author must wonder how they really feel about Amazon.

I freely confess I’ve been all over the board with my attitude towards this extraordinary organization.

Some few of us will remember that Amazon began as a bookstore, and just a bookstore: music, video, and software followed soon after. Twenty-four years after its founding, Amazon’s dominance of the book space is such that no indie author stands a chance of attaining any significant visibility, let alone success, without them.
Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

Happy Release Day! A New Novel from Janice Hardy

Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

I’m excited to announce the release of my new novel, Blood Ties —an urban fantasy series for adults, and the first book of my new Grace Harper series.
This novel has a special place in my heart (more on that below), and I’m so happy that it’s finally out in the world. It's been a long journey to get here, and one I never expected to make.

Let me tell ya what it's all about!

On the run from beings that can’t possibly exist…

Grace Harper has spent her life on the run, ever since her mother’s unnatural death at the hands of creatures that shouldn’t be real. It’s hard to believe in vampires, but the things chasing her fit every legend she’s ever heard. She dubs them “Pretty Boys,” though their beautiful faces hide ugly appetites.

For twenty years, she and her father have stayed ahead of them, but for the last five years, their lives have been quiet. Grace has found a home, a life, and people she could even care about. She thinks the nightmare is finally over, but then a man shows up asking questions about a missing woman who’s somehow connected to her and her mother. He might also have answers about her mother’s death, if she’s willing to take a risk.
Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

How to Write Kick-Ass Action Scenes (Part 2)

By Laurence MacNaughton, @LMacNaughton

Part of the How They Do It Series (Contributing Author)

Believe it or not, it's easy to write gripping action scenes—if you know how. In Part 1 of this article, I showed you how to break down complicated action scenes into their component parts: location, characters, goals, and actions. Now I'll show you the real secret to wrapping up any action scene with an unforgettable bang.

Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

7 Tips for Creating Believable Fantasy or Science Fiction Worlds

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Half the fun of writing fantasy and science fiction is creating the world. It’s a way to stretch your creativity and design fascinating cultures and worlds that will hopefully engage readers and make them want to spend a lot of time in those worlds.

There’s a lot of elements to consider when designing a world, so here are some things to think about when creating yours:
Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

Writing Prompt: The Chain Story: Ah-Choo!

By Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

This week’s prompt is a chain story! I’ll give you the first line, and someone else comments and builds off that line. Next commenter will build off that line, and so on.

In the event of two commenters posting at the same time and sending the story in different directions, just pick the line you like best, or try to incorporate both if you can.

The woman in the weird sweater kept sneezing.
Let the fun begin. Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com

Real Life Diagnostics: Would You Keep Reading?

Critique By Maria D'Marco

Real Life Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to Real Life Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines.

Submissions currently in the queue: Two

Please Note: As of today, RLD slots are booked through February 17.

This week’s questions:

1. Does it have enough internalization, description, or narration?

2. Am I showing, not telling?

3. Does the dialogue sound natural and believable?

4. Would you want to keep reading?

Market/Genre: Unspecified

On to the diagnosis…
Read more »Written by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com