Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 517

Tickets prices and fatherhood are not the reasons that I see fewer movies today

TIME reports that “Last summer’s blockbuster movie season was considered a bust, with the fewest movie tickets sold at theaters since 1997. Despite recent hits such as “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises,” by the time Labor Day rolls around, the summer of 2012 will fare even worse.”

TIME attributes this loss to the rising cost of tickets. While ticket prices may play a role, the average ticket price in the US in 2012 is $8.12. In 1995 it was $4.35.

Has $4 really created a barrier to keep audiences out of the theaters?

Maybe.

I haven’t seen as many movies this year as in previous years, but there is one primary reason why my attendance is down:

A decline in the quality of the movie-going experience

Patrons using cell phones during the film and bringing babies into the theater have created an untenable movie experience for me. While I am still willing to risk these two potential distractors in order to see a movie that I am excited about, I am far less likely to risk two hours of my life on on a less appealing movie if I’m concerned about being confronted by a person texting or talking  in the middle of the movie or a baby sitting next to me.

It’s that simple. These inconsiderate idiots have ruined the movie-going experience for me.

I’ll also add that the lack of television viewing, combined with the fact that everything I watch is time-shifted, has also resulted in my complete lack of awareness over what is playing at the movie theater. There was a day when I would see a movie trailer on television and potentially become excited about the film. Today I only see movie trailers while watching sports, which is the only television program I watch that is not time shifted.

For me, the issue has less to do with cost and much more with the inconsiderate morons who I find myself sitting beside at an alarming rate. When movie theaters are ready to get serious about the actual movie-going experience by eliminating infants from the theater and finding ways to reduce cell phone use (I would not be opposed to the use of a cell phone jammer inside every movie theater), then I will return to the movies in the frequency that I once enjoyed.

Unnecessary repetition. Wasted opportunity.

I will never understand why songwriters repeat the first verse of a song as their third verse. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it can completely ruin a song.

Lee Ann Womack’s chart topping song I Hope You Dance is a perfect example of this. It’s a beautiful song and ideal for father/daughter and mother/son dances at weddings, but for reasons I will never understand, the first and third verses of the song are identical.

It’s still a lovely song, but I’m convinced that the unnecessary repetition prevents it from becoming an all time classic.

King Harvest’s Dancing in the Moonlight suffers this same problem. Though I still like a song a lot (and my wife loves it), the first and third verses are identical. The song has managed to remain in the public conscious for almost forty years, perhaps because the repetition is a little less noticeable in this song. While the lyrics play an enormous role in Womack’s song (and are probably the song’s most defining feature), Dancing in the Moonlight is more about the song’s overall musicality. You don’t need to know the lyrics of the song in order to enjoy it. 

Also, every single rhyme in the song is an –ight rhyme. There are only so many of those words in the world.

Not only does the decision to repeat verses strike me as unnecessarily repetitive, but it also represents a lost opportunity. The songwriter and musician had a chance to say more without appearing to say too much, but when given the chance, they opted not to.

I don’t understand it.

A stinging barb and a hint of underwear were my undoing

I was waiting in line for a chicken sandwich at Wendy’s when the woman standing behind me said to me, “God, I’m sorry I even came here. These people are taking forever. What is wrong with them?”

I offered my standard response to a comment like this:

“I’m sorry, but I don’t work here, and I don’t like talking behind people’s backs. But the guy getting our orders ready is right there, so why not complain to him instead of me?”

As you can imagine, this response is never appreciated, but this woman was ready for me. She listened to my snarky, albeit justified, response and admittedly condescending tone, paused for a fraction of a second, and said, “Yeah? Well, your fly is down.”

And it was. Way down. All the way down. Underwear-peaking-out-from-it down. 

“Touché,” I said, unable to conjure a suitable retort. Then I yanked my fly up, turned and waited patiently for my chicken sandwich from the glacially slow employee behind the counter.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is admit defeat and move on.   

I could’ve been selling magic spells for years

I’m annoyed.

I just learned that eBay is banning the sale of “metaphysical” goods such as spells, potions and other magical services. For years , people have apparently been selling potions, spells, fortune telling and the like on the website, and customers have been purchasing them.

I can’t believe I didn’t know this until now.

Jennifer Williams, for example, was selling “love spells, popularity spells and self-confidence spells for $11.11 each” on eBay, and people were buying them in large quantities. 

Her customers included people like R.J. Blair, a 32-year-old San Francisco resident, who says “he bought about 15 to 20 spells over the past year from eBay for as much as $30 each.” He reports that the magic that he purchased through the online auction site helped him with weight loss and his psychic abilities.”

While I do not claim any expertise on the subject of magic, potions or witchcraft, I would have been more than willing to pretend as much in order to make a buck. As a novelist, I already get paid for making up stuff in my head. This would’ve simply been an extension of that core philosophy.

In fact, I could’ve been making up spells and incantations and selling them on eBay for a profit for years.

Instead, I’m apparently late to the game and shut out of this potentially lucrative income stream.

Damn.

Crying over spilled milk

My daughter informed me that she spilled her milk but wanted to clean it up herself. I rose to get her paper towels, but she said, “No, Daddy. I’ll do it.”

I sat back down and resumed my work while she cleaned up her mess, unprompted and unassisted, which doesn’t happen often.

When I checked on her later, this was what I found:

She didn’t clean up all of the milk, and she doesn’t seem to understand where the paper towels should end up when the job is finished, but it’s progress.

Resolution update: August 2012

In an effort to hold myself accountable to my yearly goals, I post the progress made at the end of each month. 

1. Don’t die.

I nearly ended up in a fist fight with a biker last week outside of Best Buy, but even if I had fought him, I think I would’ve won.

2. Lose ten pounds.

I lost 2 pounds in the month of August. Still 13 pounds from my target weight.   

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done.

4. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

Flute still broken. Broken flute still in car. I still suck in regards to this goal. 

5. Complete my fifth novel before the birth of my next child.

Still not complete. August admittedly contained extenuating circumstances when it came to completing the book, but that is not excuse. I feel like a failure, though every time I say this, my wife wants to smack me.  

6. Complete my sixth novel.

Though I can’t wait to dig into one of my many new ideas, the possibility of finishing a second novel before the end of the year seems grim.

7. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

I am still struggling to find a clever end to my first picture book. Once I do, it will be sent to the publisher for review. I will be sharing the book with my students in a week or two. My hope is that they may propose an ending that works. Kids are smart like that. 

8. Complete the book proposal for my non-fiction, photographic  collaborative project.

The novel and the memoir are simply taking precedence at time.

9. Complete three chapters of my memoir.

Parts of three chapters have been written in preparation for stories that I have told at Moth StorySLAMs, but nothing formal or comprehensive has been written yet. The unfinished novel looms large over everything else at this point.  

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

No posts in August. We remain stuck on three, and I have yet to get a laptop into my sister’s hands.

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

My first class begins on Tuesday. I wonder where the hell it is.

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

Like previous months, I published a piece in Beyond the Margins in April, which is not exactly a newspaper but is a great place (and maybe even a better place) for an author to publish.

I now have three pieces in the pipeline (including one I sent to my editor less than five minutes ago) with hopes that at least one will find its way into print soon.

So there’s plenty of potential.

13. Attend at least five Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I competed in my fourth and fifth Moth events in August, finishing an agonizing second in both StorySLAMs, losing by a combined total of three-tenths of a point.

Though my goal of 5 events has been achieved (the first of the year), I have no intention of quitting. I’ll be attending the SstorySLAM on September 24 at The Bitter End in New York City. The theme of the night is Grudge. I had many stories from which to choose.  

If you would like to attend this upcoming StorySLAM with me, please let me know. I’m always looking for company.

14. Complete the necessary revisions of our rock opera (The Clowns) so that it can be staged as a full production in 2013.

Done! Revisions are in the hands of the director. Our production is slated for the first week of January. I will pass on all the details as they become available.     

15. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.

Incremental progress has been made in July.

16. Give yoga an honest try.

I have a friend with some free classes who has offered to bring me to a lesson. I have yet to take her up on her offer. 

17. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

I mediated on 18 of the 31 days of August. Extenuating circumstances interfered with several days. In truth, I missed meditating on the days that I was not able to get it done. 

18. Agree to try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn’t normally consider palatable.

Brace yourselves. In August, I tried arugula, a leafy green vegetable, despite my wife’s vehement protestations, and I think I liked it.  

19. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2012.

The race has been cancelled for 2012. My plans for a race in the fall have been derailed by five out-of-state book events, a host of in-state appearances and an unfinished novel that hangs on my neck like an albatross. 

20. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Face down no matter what!

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about my daughter’s belief that all dolls, stuffed animals and human beings should sleep facedown. Sleeping facedown, according to at least one study, leads to more erotic dreams, leaving me to wonder about my little girl.

She has now extended this facedown theory to two-dimensional creatures as well. Note the ghostly black outlines of the cats on her play board. When I asked why her cats were upside down, she answered, “They’re sleeping, Daddy! Sleeping! Sleeping!”

Fine. They’re sleeping. But what are they dreaming about?

   

A bushel of book recommendations

Whenever I speak at an author event, I make a point of recommending books to the audience. The following are the books that I am recommending on my current book tour:

I loved this book, and I think it is excellent for adults as well kids. It would be a challenging book for even my strongest fifth grade readers, but I wouldn’t hesitate to put it in their hands. The protagonist, Flavia de Luce, is a female detective and chemist of sorts, which adds to its appeal for me. There are never enough female protagonists in the hands of my students.

I’m not normally a fan of graphic novels, but this autobiography of David Small, who experienced a horrific childhood, is amazing. So full of hope despite the bleak landscape of his life. A great choice for book clubs who are looking for a quick read and a conversation starter.

As the father of a three year old, this book has been a blessing. It teaches strategies for converting your baby into the weight required for strength training. Genius!

Every teacher, regardless of grade level or experience, must read this book. There is no better instructive text for teachers.

Peter Benchley’s JAWS was based upon the Jersey Shore shark attacks of 1916. Michael Capuzzo’s book is the terrifying account of these attacks.

This book is the first gift that my wife ever gave me. It is the story of Despereaux, a mouse who refuses to conform to mouse society and is forced to pay a steep price for his noncompliance. It is a brilliant story, perfect for adult and children, and it contains one of my favorite quotes of all time:

“Reader, you must know that an interesting fate (sometimes involving rats, sometimes not) awaits almost everyone, mouse or man, who does not conform.”

Reading a Billy Collins poem is often like reading an essay and a story blended into one through the use of perfect language. His poetry is accessible, amusing, enlightening and pitch perfect. I strongly recommend you listen to Collins read his poetry rather than reading it yourself.

Or better yet, do both.

Nora Ephron may be remember best for films like When Harry Met Sally and You’ve Got Mail, but her essays are her finest work. This book is no exception. 

My childhood went by undocumented

Whenever I see photographs like these, I am struck by the fact that I don’t have a single photograph of me and my father together.

I know that taking photos before the age of digital photography was not as easy as it is today, and it’s true that my parents were divorced when when I was nine years old, but that’s nine years to take and preserve a picture.

What the hell were my parents thinking?

  

A peek into the inbox of an author

One of the goals of my future podcast, at least until my theoretical listeners redefine my goal through their input, will be to offer unpublished writers, readers, and even fellow authors a glimpse into the daily life of an author  author.

It’s the kind of thing I would like to hear:

Successful authors talking about their careers, their daily routines, the nuts and bolts of the industry and the choices and challenges that they face on a daily and weekly basis.

Occasionally we will get a glimpse of an author’s life through an interview on radio or in print, but never have I been granted access to an author’s life over an extended period of time, probably (and thankfully) because they are too busy writing. I’m simply stupid enough to be willing to waste a few precious hours a week producing a podcast in hopes that someone wants the same thing I want and will care.

Oh, the title of the future podcast will be Author Out Loud, suggested by blogger Heather Clow.   

The first segment of the podcast will focus on the things that have happened in my writing career during the previous week. It will be that ongoing peek into an author’s life that I would like to hear someday. This could include a discussion of the manuscript that I am working on, the promotion for my latest book, a description of a recent author appearance, a lamentation about my latest second place finish at a Moth StorySLAM, the editing and revising that I am doing with my agent or editor, the progress of film and television deals related to my books, the machinations surrounding the rock opera that my friend and I are producing, my recent forays into children’s literature, and many, many more topics. A week does not go by that would not be filled with material to discuss.

The collection of email that I received today is a good example of something I might talk about for a minute or two in order to offer a peek into the day-to-day life of an author.

First, an email from a reader in Greece who read the Greek translation of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND and wrote to me in perfect English.

Next, an email from the publisher of the audio version of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND informing me that the book is going to be on the Audible homepage for a second week in a row.

Next, an email reader in Singapore writing to tell me that every copy of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND is reserved for the next seven months in his local library. In addition, the library has 17 copies of UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO, and at the moment, all are checked out.

I should probably move to Singapore. 

Next, three emails requesting author appearances at their various establishments. Two are from booksellers and one is from a charitable organization.

Next, an email from a clever and enterprising PhD student who wants to sit down and chat with me for an hour about writing and opened her email by informing me of a typo in the bio on my blog as a means of getting my attention.

It worked.

Next, an email from a book blogger with a list of ten questions for me to answer as part of an author Q&A that will appear on her blog.

Next, an email containing feedback from one of the readers of my current manuscript.

Finally, an email from a reader in the United States discussing how much the character of Max in MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND reminds her of her son.

All that arrived today, and it doesn’t include any of the communication I received on Twitter.

As you can imagine, I am forced to dedicate a significant chunk of time to responding to email each evening, and while this admittedly takes away from some of the time I have to write, today’s batch of emails were neutral or positive in nature, making it much more enjoyable to respond, and they did not require a great deal from me in terms of time or effort. I also responded to almost every email while my three month old son slept in my lap, so it’s debatable how much actual writing I would have managed in that time anyway. 

The never-ending flurry of communication from readers and others related to my writing has been one of the most surprising aspects of my authorial  career. I never expected readers to reach out to me as often as they do, and the seemingly unusual emails like the ones from the Singapore reader or the PhD student are unusual only in their specificity. Tomorrow I will receive an entirely different but equally unusual set of emails from people I can’t begin to imagine.

I never know what to expect when an email arrives pertaining to my career as an author, and it makes the job persistently interesting, occasionally unwieldy and always surprising.