Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 515

Owning a Canadian would be awesome.

A reader sent this to me, expecting that I would like it. I did. It’s not exactly original in its conceit, but it’s well done and quite amusing , so I thought I’d pass it along.

I’ve also listened to Laura Schlesinger and found her to be condescending and unpalatable.

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On her radio show, Dr. Laura said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Schlesinger, written by a US citizen and posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian.)

I think I have a sad story to tell.

My daughter was playing the shell game (not for money) (yet) with my wife. At one point, my wife thought the game was over (justifiably so) and returned to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

Clara looked up at me, frowned and said, “I think I have a sad story to tell. Mommy walked away and didn’t finish playing the shell game with me. This is so sad for me.”

I alerted Elysha to her grave error and she quickly returned, duly chastened.

We did not need science to tell us that sleep training your child is the right thing to do.

A new study has shown that allowing your infant to “cry it out” as part of sleep training does not lead to any long term emotional or psychological harm in children.

I find the study fairly pointless since I suspect that most parents already know this. When a parent is unwilling or unable to sleep train their child, it is often less about a concern over the long-term psychological impact on their child and more about the parent’s inability to prioritize long-term health over short-term discomfort.

My wife and I sleep trained our daughter when she was four months old. It took about three nights, and they were not easy. We would sit at the kitchen table and listen to our baby cry in her crib for an hour or more each night. There were moments when each of us would begin to crack, only to be strengthened by the other. After three nights, most of the crying was over and my daughter went to bed with little protestation.

Even since then, she has been an excellent sleeper. She sleeps 10-12 hours each night and has never slept in our bed. In fact, the one night when we wanted her to sleep in our bed, after a nasty fall and fear of concussion, she refused, preferring the comfort of her own bed.

We will do the same for our three month old son soon, though he is already sleeping 7-8 hours a night in a cradle beside our bed. It will not be easy. We will experience great a deal of parental discomfort, and Charlie will not enjoy it either. But we will choose long term health over short term discomfort, and Charlie will be the better for it.

I realize that there are babies for whom sleep does not come as easily, but I also believe that these babies are few and far between. When a child is not sleeping through the night or spending parts of the night sleeping in the parents’ bedroom, it is far more common, at least in my experience, for the parents to be the cause. These are the parents who respond to their child’s every cry, choose to keep their child in their bedroom with them for extended periods of time, allow their child to climb into bed with them on a routine basis, and lose hundreds, if not thousands of hours of sleep because they are unwilling to let their babies cry it out.

Though I am sure they exist, I have never met a parent who attempted to sleep train their child by allowing that child to cry it out who failed to produce a child who sleeps through the night in his or her own bed.

And as a teacher with fifteen years in the classroom and the husband of a woman who seems to know everyone on the planet, I know a lot of parents. 

A friend of mine recently complained about how her nine month old daughter was still not sleeping through the night. I explained to her how to sleep train her child, including white noise and blackout curtains in addition to allowing her daughter to cry it out, but I also warned her that it would not be easy.

But I also told her that by sleep training her child, as difficult as it may be, she would be helping her daughter beyond measure. In return for short term suffering, her daughter would be a well rested child, and all of the crucial development that takes place when a child is asleep could proceed without interruption. Her child would also be less moody and far better prepared to handle the challenges of the day.

In addition, she and her husband would be more well rested. This would result in a more productive day for both of them and would likely have a positive impact on their marriage.

Two months later I asked her how her baby was sleeping. She said that she took my advice, and after five nights of crying it out, her baby was sleeping through the night, 8-10 hours at a time.

I have a friend who is fond of the expression “You pay now or you pay later,” and I think it is perfect when it comes to sleep training. I cannot tell you the number of parents who I have known who have their children sleeping in their beds or in beds set up in their parents bedroom for years.

I’ve also known fathers who sleep in their child’s bed so the child can sleep with mom and parents who routinely sleep on the floor in their child’s bedroom.   

For many, it is a tragic source of shame or embarrassment.

Others they devise complex and illogical rationales to defend the addition of a second bed in their bedroom (this happens more often than you might think) or the the presence of their child in their bed for the majority of the night.

Either way, these are “pay it later” parents.

I am convinced, not by this recent study but by simply common sense, that the only long-term psychological impact of sleep training your child is contentment, for both the child and the parents.

A teacher’s memory of 9/11

The following is a piece I wrote on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks. 

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I was teaching my third graders when my classroom phone rang around 9:00.  It was my ex-wife, calling to tell me that a plane had hit the Word Trade Center. She said that it was likely a commuter plane, but if I had some free time, I might want to turn on the news.

“All the networks are covering the story,” she said.

It was 2001 and I did not own a cell phone. Though the Internet was up and running, it was not nearly as ubiquitous as it is today. My ex-wife knew that in those days, once a teacher entered a school, he or she was often encased in a protective bubble, unaware of outside events until the school day ended.  No televisions, no radios, no smart phones, and little time for phone calls.  The outside world did not exist while we were teaching. As a result, she would occasionally call me with breaking news, giving me a chance to step away at lunchtime to catch up on world events.

I hung up the phone and continued teaching, wondering how a pilot could accidentally fly into one of the largest buildings in the world.

“What an idiot,” I remembering whispering aloud as I returned to my lesson.

Ten minutes later she called back. “Another plane hit the second tower. It’s an attack.”

I hung up the phone and turned to my students, who were busy solving math problems. I had to smile and continue to teach them, knowing that something terrible was happening outside the walls of our school. As I spoke about subtraction with regrouping, I tried to imagine what was happening in New York City.

At 9:30 I dropped my students off for vocal music class, pulling their teacher aside and whispering, “Two planes have crashed into the World Trade Center. It’s a terrorist attack.”

I headed for the principal’s office to see if he even knew that the attacks were taking place. The small television had been moved onto his desk, and he and several others were watching the events unfold. We watched the towers burn together in near silence.

A couple minutes later news came that The Pentagon had been hit. There was discussion that this might be the tip of the iceberg, the first in a long series of terrorist attacks. There was speculation that there could be more planes, many more planes, flying to many more targets around the country.  We listened to new anchors report on the casualties and speculate on the numbers still awaiting to die in the towers.  

Someone in the office said, “We are at war.”

Just before 10:00, we watched the south tower fall. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I remember thinking that it looked as if the tower had been built of ash and bone. There were several people in the office at the time, and at least two uttered quiet screams as the tower collapsed.

A minute after it fell, I left to pick up my students. I remember walking to the basement stairs, feeling saddled with momentous and awful information that I could not share with my kids. Information that I did not want to share with them. 

I remember thinking that I would try to make this school day as normal and happy for them as possible, knowing that the world was changing before our eyes. I remember envying them, too, thinking about how fortunate they were to have one more day of peace and normalcy than the rest of us. I decided that I would build a protective cocoon around my kids that day, making sure that whatever we did was normal and fun and spirited and full of laughter. I wanted this last day for them to be the best it could possibly be.

Parents began picking up their children as news spread, but only a few left my class early. Most of us remained together, learning and laughing as buildings burned and people died. As their parents took them by the hand and led them out the classroom door, I felt sorry for them, knowing that they were returning to the real world where planes flew into buildings and mighty towers collapsed onto city streets.

I remember thinking that nothing would ever be the same for them. The safety and security that had infused my childhood would no longer exist for them. Their country had been attacked. Civilians had been killed and buildings had been knocked down by our enemies. Our borders would never feel quite as secure as they once had. I wondered if Americans felt the same following the attack on Pearl Harbor.

In many ways, the world did not change as much as I had feared, at least for my students. America went to war, terrorists continued to threaten our safety, and civil liberties eroded under the threat of more attacks. It’s a very different world today, but my students remain as happy and as enthusiastic about the future as ever. The students who I teach today were born in 2001 and view 9/11 as a history lesson, something that happened before their time. While the ramifications of the attacks will continue to impact their lives for years to come, their childhood remains blissfully intact for the most part.

Like the kids who I was teaching on the morning of September 11, 2001, these children see the future as full of hope and promise.

I love them for it. 

This is not a nap

It was naptime, and Clara was in her crib. But as you can hear, this isn’t even close to sleep.

It is, however, incredibly cute.

The boy apparently loves patty-cake

While I am consumed by parental bias, I happen to think that this is just about the greatest 30 seconds of video ever recorded.

Brace yourself.

This video is not for the feint of heart.

I won’t spoil it by telling you how it ends, but it is more nail-biting and intense than your average Hollywood thriller. 

Unrequited love

Unrequited love is usually sad. Possibly tragic.

But this looks downright terrifying.

       

So much nuance in just 30 seconds of bigotry

This anti-Obama, anti-gay marriage ad is fascinating.

First, despite the enormous amount of money that Super PACs are pouring into the campaign, they apparently cannot afford professional actors or writers. The ad is embarrassing in terms of its production value.

If I had paid for this ad, I’d be angry as hell.

Second, this may seem picky, but does anyone other than me think that the shot of the coffee mug being placed on the napkin is a little strange? I’ve watched the ad a dozen times, hoping to discover a subliminal message hidden  within the shot, but I can’t find anything save the inexplicable decision to focus on the mug and the napkin for one awkward second.

Bad acting, bad writing and bad direction. Way to go, Campaign for American Values PAC.

Third, I’d like to know what newspaper the woman in the ad is reading, because President Obama has not proposed any legislation regarding gay marriage, nor has he expressed any desire to do so.

In fact, he doesn’t need to. The states will eventually legalize gay marriage on their own. According to recent CBS and Pew polls, more Americans now support gay marriage than oppose it, and support is increasing rapidly. Six states have already legalized gay marriage, and at least two more are likely to join the ranks in 2013.

Perhaps the producers of this ad haven’t noticed, but even the Republican candidates have been mum on gay marriage. They know it’s a losing battle.

Fourth, I’d like the Super PAC responsible for this ad to find me one person in America who:

Voted for President Obama in 2008
Believes that marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman
Believes that President Obama is attempting to “force gay marriage” on the American people
Would switch his or her vote to the Republican ticket based solely on this faulty belief

There are a lot of people in the United States, but I would venture to guess that not a single American citizen could meet all four of the criteria that the characters in this ad represent. This person simply doesn’t exist. It’s an ad directly solely at the two fictional people who appear in the ad. 

Last, did you notice the final, gauzy image in the ad? The family has gathered in the living room, presumably to discuss how disgusting gay people are and how legalizing gay marriage will make everyone gay and ruin the country and stuff.

When I saw the couple’s three smiling children, I immediately thought, “Quick! Someone save those kids from those bigoted, poorly portrayed parents! Remove those kids from the home! Now!”

Then again, the kids probably don’t need any rescuing. Support for gay marriage among young people is extraordinarily high. More than two-thirds of people born after 1981 now support gay marriage and those numbers are also increasing rapidly. The odds would seem to indicate that at least two of the children in the ad will ultimately reject their parents’ bigotry in the same way that my generation rejected the racism of our parents’ generation.

My boyhood adventure land

One of my favorite moments of this past summer was the chance to visit Yawgoog Scout Reservation with an old friend and former Boy Scout.

I spent many of my summers at Yawgoog as a boy, and they were some of the best days of my life. I have asked when if I were to ever die (which is unlikely), I would like my ashes spread on Yawgoog Pond after a memorial service at Yawgoog’s Chapel in the Pines, the only church where I have ever felt truly welcome and happy.

  

Walking the campgrounds with Danny brought back more memories than I could ever imagine, and every one of those memories made me smile. There was never a bad day at Yawgoog.

Never a moment when I was less than overjoyed with the location and the people around me.  

Actually, showering at camp was always a little disturbing. Every shower at camp is inexplicably placed adjacent to a dumpster, making the experience less than refreshing.

Yawgoog has continued to live in my heart long after my days as a boy came to an end. I can still sing the songs from all three campgrounds, still know the reservation like the back of my hand and can still recount so many of the adventures that I had during those long summer days.

Ten years ago I returned to Yawgoog for two summers as a Scoutmaster for a local Boy Scout troop, but when that troop folded, my days at Yawgoog came to an end once again.

I’m thrilled about the prospect of taking my son to Yawgoog someday and determined to find a way to make the opportunity available to my daughter as well. During our visit, Danny and I saw a handful of girls at camp as part of Venturing, a youth development program of the Boy Scouts of America for young men and women who are 14 years of age.

It’s not the same as the Boy Scouts, but it’s a start. And it will permit her access to Yawgoog during the summer if she is interested.

She will be interested.