Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 393

Manly words. Girly words. How many of each do you know?

Researchers from the Center for Reading Research looked at the first 500,000 results of Ghent University’s online vocabulary test, focusing on differences in gender. It turns out that some words exhibited a large margin between the percent of men and women who reported knowing them.

Here are the words that men were most likely to recognize over women and the percentages that men and women knew the words.

I know the meaning of all 12 words.

codec (88, 48)
solenoid (87, 54)
golem (89, 56)
mach (93, 63)
humvee (88, 58)
claymore (87, 58)
scimitar (86, 58)
kevlar (93, 65)
paladin (93, 66)
bolshevism (85, 60)
biped (86, 61)
dreadnought (90, 66)

Here are the words that women were most likely to know over men and the same percentages.

I know the meaning of 8 out of the 12 words.

I have a good guess about bottlebrush and tresses, but have not idea what flouncy or flouncing are. 

taffeta (48, 87)
tresses (61, 93)
bottlebrush (58, 89)
flouncy (55, 86)
mascarpone (60, 90)
decoupage (56, 86)
progesterone (63, 92)
wisteria (61, 89)
taupe (66, 93)
flouncing (67, 94)
peony (70, 96)
bodice (71, 96)

Halloween circa 1978

As far as I know, there are only about 25 photographs of me from my childhood, so when a new one appears in the world (like the one below), it’s exciting for me.  

Oddly enough, these photos seem to pop up from time to time.

At an author talk a few years ago, a former classmate gave me a photograph from an elementary school play where I kissed a girl for the first time (upon command). I’m standing on stage, singing my heart out to what I think is the song, “Tea for Two.”

Quite a gift.

This photo, apparently in the possession of my brother for years, is of me (on the left), my brother, Jeremy, and my sister, Kelli. Presumably Halloween eve, circa 1978.

It’s so strange and sad to see a photograph of yourself and have absolutely no recollection of the moment. I have a strong recollection of my childhood, but this particular Halloween is lost to me.

Knowing my sister, she probably remembers the moment perfectly.

The photograph was taken in a time just before our parents divorce. It may have been just weeks before our parents divorce if I’m right about the year.  We look so happy together. Not a care in the world.

Little kids who have no hint about the storm that is coming.

Truth

So many people think it’s fun. Precious. Joyous. Something they will do in retirement.  

No, it’s work. It’s great work, but it’s work.

Boy fakes his own kidnapping to avoid dentist. A hero emerges in the process.

A 12-year old boy in France faked his own kidnapping to avoid a dentist appointment, appearing in a town 100 miles from his own after claiming to have escaped his captors and sending police into a month-long search for his kidnappers. 

The boy is reportedly terrified of the dentist.

Obviously, this was not a good thing. The boy wasted hundreds of man hours and thousands of dollars on a wild goose chase. He scared the hell out of his parents. He risked the safety of others by occupying law enforcement officer’s time attention on something ultimately meaningless.

Also, it’s important to go to the dentist regularly and face your fears.

Still, I love this kid so much. The guts, the creativity, and the sheer audacity required to fake your own kidnapping at the age of 12 is astounding.

This boy is my new hero.

Sad, pathetic children

As a teacher, it’s not often that I refer to children as sad and pathetic, but when 33 and then 55 kids can’t stop two professional soccer players from scoring for one minute, something is seriously wrong with them.

Speak Up tickets, dates for upcoming shows, and a writer’s workshop launch

For storytelling fans, and Speak Up supporters, some news for you today. 

First, tickets for our next show, Saturday, July 19 at 8:00 at Real Art Ways in Hartford, CT, are now available. You can click this link to purchase tickets or call Real Art Ways directly at 860.232.1006.

Please order soon if you plan on attending, as we tend to sell out early. 

We’re also pleased to announce our remaining Speak Up dates for the year, so that you can mark your calendars and perhaps pitch us a story. 

September 27 at Real Art Ways. The theme of the night is Coulda Shoulda Woulda. 

October 18 at The Mount in Lenox, MA. The theme of the night is Love and Marriage. 

December 6 at Real Art Ways. The theme of the night is Reunion. 

Also, By demand, we will be launching writer’s workshops starting in August for interested writers.

Similar to our popular storytelling workshops, our writer’s workshop is specifically for interested writers who are looking to launch a writing career, improve their writing skills, receive feedback from a professional writer and teacher, develop a work in progress, prepare a non-fiction pitch, or simply find an engaged audience who is willing to listen and provide feedback for their work. 

Whether you want to make your fortune writing the next great American novel or simply improve your ability to string together coherent sentences, this may be for you. We’ve modeled our workshop on a series of successful workshops conducted by a fellow author and friend who works on the Connecticut shoreline. 

The workshops will be held in our home. We’ll put out snacks and drinks each week before food is good for thought and makes people happy.

We’ll keep the group small, 4-6 writers per six week session, so we can be sure to devote the appropriate amount of time on each writer’s work while also having time to teach mini-lessons and model good writing. 

Workshops will run from 8:00-9:30 on Monday evenings. 

Dates for our first session are August 11, 18, 25 and September 8, 15 and 22.

The cost of each 6 week session will be $175.  

If you’re interested in joining us, please let me know.

Hope to see you all at Speak Up soon!

Golf is in a decline because people are stupid.

TIME reports that golf is experiencing in a precipitous decline in our country.

Golf equipment sales have been tanking. The number of golf courses closing annually will dwarf the number of new courses opening for years to come.

Apparently people aren’t playing the game like they once did, which is a damn shame.

TIME offers five reasons why this is the case.

1. People are too damn busy.

The argument here is that it’s impossible to find four hours on a weekend to play 18 holes of golf.

As new dad Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal put it recently, speaking for dads—all parents, really—everywhere, “It is more likely I will become the next prime minister of Belgium than it is that I will find 4½ hours on a weekend to go play golf.”

Of course, there’s no need to play 18 holes of golf at a time (which TIME acknowledges). I probably play 40-50 rounds of golf a year, but a great majority of those rounds are nine hole rounds, played at 6:30 in the morning.

Also, as busy as everyone claims to be, the average American spends 34 hours per week watching television and almost 3 hours per week playing video games on console and mobile devices (with hardcore gamers logging almost 20 hours per week).

Everyone is so damn busy, yet they seem to have a lot of time for the couch.

2. It’s elitist and too expensive.

TIME also points out that golf can be made exceedingly affordable, but quickly discounts that notion:

It’s just that, by and large, the sport has a well-deserved reputation for being pricey—think $400 drivers, $250,000 club “initiation” fees, and too many gadgets to mention. The snooty factor goes hand in hand with the astronomical prices and atmosphere on the typical course.

I played golf for my first five years with a set of used irons that cost my friend $10, a driver that cost about $150, and a putter than cost $1.

I play on public courses which cost me $12-20 per nine holes. We walk the course instead of riding in a cart, which is good for us and saves us money.

Golf is supremely affordable if you allow it to be. 

As for the elitism, that all depends on where you play and who is playing with you. If you and your friends are playing on public courses, elitism doesn’t exist.

Dress codes on public courses barely exist.

If you’re playing at a country club that costs tens of thousands of dollars a year to join, yes, you will encounter elitism. Also strict dress codes and cigars. But this has nothing to do with golf and everything to do with who you choose for  friends are and where you choose to hang out. 

It’s just not cool.

Bah.

It’s too difficult.

This is the beauty of the game.

“The deep appeal of golf, once you get hooked, is that it’s difficult,”John Paul Newport, golf columnist for the Wall Street Journal, told NPR last month. “Normally when you play a round of golf, you step onto the green and that’s when all the intense stress starts. You know, this tiny little hole, you have to look at putts from many ways, you hit it a few feet past and you add up strokes quickly around the green.”

I’m not sure what Newport means by intense stress. Unless you’re playing in some PGA competition, the amount of stress is determined solely by yourself. I may feel pressure at times while playing, but it’s self-imposed pressure. The only thing riding on every shot is my desire for excellence.

Newport is also right that one of the appealing aspects of the game is the challenge. Golf is hard. It’s incredible complicated. You learn new things every time you play. Every single shot is unlike any previous shot. There are constant improvements to be made.

Yes, golf is hard. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so great.

Recently, lunatics have proposed changes such as 15-inch cups in order to make the game much easier and approachable.

This is stupid. This would strip the game of its luster.

Besides, there are already ways of making the game easier to play. Instead of larger holes, play from the red tees and shorten the course for yourself.

Also, learn how out to putt.

5. Tiger Woods.

Skeptics insist that golf isn’t dying. Not by a long shot. The sport’s popularity, they say, is merely taking a natural dip after soaring to unjustified heights during the “golf bubble” brought on by the worldwide phenomenon that was Tiger Woods.

This may be true, but it’s not why I started playing the game, and I can’t imagine quitting a game as great as golf simply because one of its stars is aging.

If TIME is right and these are the reasons that golf is in decline, people suck.

People have plenty of time. They choose to spend it stupidly.

Golf is absolutely affordable if you’re willing to play on public course, walk instead of ride, tee off with last year’s driver, and hit golf balls that don’t cost $5 each.

Golf is difficult. If you require ease and leisure in your life, play Go Fish.

Otherwise, find some grit and determination  and learn to play the game.

Dating in a perfect, bookish world

My wife gave me a book on our first date:

 The Tale of Despereaux. Complete with the best inscription ever.

Not quite the dream scenario described below, but close.

Someone stole my idea for professional best man and made a movie out of it.

Back in April of 2011, I proposed a new job: Professional best man.

I defined the position, listed my many qualifications, and offered myself out for hire.

Since then, three potential clients have attempted to hire me, only to be stymied by physical distance. Two lived outside the United States and the third lives on the west coast.

But all three were serious about hiring me. 

Last year, I was contacted by a British man who was attempting to launch a similar service in his country and wanted to know if I had managed to land any clients.

This week a friend pointed me to The Wedding Ringer, a Kevin Hart-Josh Gad film about a professional best man.

I’m so annoyed.

The premise for Kevin Hart’s fictional business is a little different than mine. His character offers services to men without friends.

I am offering myself as a second best man. The professional one. The best man that allows your real best man to relax, drink, and act irresponsibly. The best man who understands weddings better than most and will do the work necessary to ensure the success of your big day.

But still, Kevin Hart’s version is close enough. You just watch. People are going to see this as a legitimate business opportunity and steal my idea.

Professional best man services are going to pop up everywhere.

Even worse, why didn’t I think of writing this film? I had this idea long before anyone involved in this movie did.

Maybe I should look at my other proposed jobs and write movies about them before it’s too late.

Grave site visitor and double date companion are just two on my list.

Or maybe professional cuddler?

Great job ideas, but maybe better movie ideas?

Preschool graduation!

My little girl graduated from preschool last week. I can’t believe it. 

Don’t even think of criticizing me for calling it a graduation. It was more than a graduation. It was a momentous occasion. A celebration. An achievement of epic proportions.  

Maybe not epic proportions, but I like to poke the lunatics of the world who take stands against calling anything but completion of high school or college a graduation, as if they are the arbiters of the word. The graduation police.

My little girl is onto kindergarten next year, which is bittersweet for me.

The bad news: My little girl is growing up.

The good news: No more preschool payments.

In the world of gambling, this is known as a push.