Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 28

Infinite content isn’t a good thing

Animator and filmmaker Don Hertzfeldt on the difference between crate digging & streaming from a recent interview:

Not to sound like a curmudgeon, but when I was a teenager, I took the train to go to the record store to find rare stuff. Spotify is way more convenient, but that wasn’t the point. The point was to get out and to feel like you’re hunting, to feel like you’re living your life. I’m going to the movies, I’m going to this show. What streaming has done — it’s very convenient, but it’s taken the feeling of going hunting and turned it into we’re all just being fed. We’re all farm animals that are just being fed, and we’re being fed content. You can just stay home. Just stay home. We’ll just feed it to you. No wonder everyone’s depressed.

Boy, did this resonate with me.

I adore simplicity and efficiency. I get so much done because technology has made it so much easier to avoid the nonsense, but in the absence of the nonsense, we’ve lost the joy of exploration.

Appointment viewing.
Hunting through bookshelves and record store bins.
Squeezing in a movie on a weekend because if you didn’t see it then, you might never see it.

A less convenient but more visceral, poignant, and meaningful time.

This is why Elysha and I prioritize taking our kids to Broadway shows, local theaters, movie theaters, museums, libraries, zoos, restaurants, and sporting events.

Appointment viewing.
If you don’t see it, you may never see it.
If you’re not in the building, experiencing what they have to offer, you’re missing out.

During this December vacation, we saw a play at the Hartford Stage. Went to the movie theater twice. Charlie and I attended a Celtics game. I attended a Patriots game. We spent an hour wandering the stacks of a bookstore. Elysha bought old-school vinyl records from a brick-and-mortar store. I took a golf lesson. We ate dinner in a brand-new restaurant and brunch in an old favorite. Elysha and Charlie went out for sushi. Clara played D&D at a hobby shop. Charlie went railfanning several times. Both spent time with friends.

We engaged with the world. Tried our best to see and do things outside the home.

It’s why I’m thrilled that Charlie has become a competitive speed cuber, a railfanner, a 3D printer, a baseball player, and a trumpet, guitar, and piano player.

It’s why I’m thrilled that Clara is a dancer, a writer, an obsessive reader, and a D&D player who joins so many clubs at school and spends hours with her friends watching and talking about movies in ways that make her sound like a Hollywood historian.

It’s why our kids don’t own a cellphone. Have never been exposed to social media.

It’s why we watch most things in our home with one another.
Television shows watched by the family.
Old school viewing.

I love what Don Hertzfeldt has to say about the hazards of convenience. I think it’s important. I suspect we could all do a better job adhering to his warnings.

Avoid the farm animal mentality.
Avoid being mindlessly fed by the content overlords.
Hunt and fight.
Leave the house.
Experience the world.

I’m holding onto that Don Hertzfeld quote for dear life. I’ve scheduled it to arrive in my inbox once a month. I’ve assigned it a prominent position on my phone. I’ve also printed it and will place it in a frame on my desk.

It’s important.
I don’t want to forget.
I want to do better.

A very gory Christmas Carol

The family and I went to see “A Christmas Carol” at the Hartford Stage on the day after Christmas.

The timing was ideal. I highly recommend it.

During intermission, I turned to Charlie and asked, “How do you like it so far?”

“It’s great,” he said. “I’m just waiting for the kid to lose his eye and the man to have his head kicked off by a horse.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You know,” he said. “Scrooge throws the coins and kills everyone.”

Then I understood.

Saturday Night Live aired a spoof of “A Christmas Carol” two years ago wherein Scrooge, played by Martin Short, tosses a coin to a boy in the street so he can purchase a Christmas goose for Tiny Tim’s family.

The coin cuts into the boy’s eye, creating a bloody mess.

Things get a lot worse from there as Scrooge attempts to rectify the situation by tossing more coins and blinding several other pedestrians in the process. Eventually, Tiny Tim falls into an open sewer and a frightened horse kicks off the head of a nearby man.

And this skit — a horror show of a Christmas morning — was Charlie’s only frame of reference for “A Christmas Carol.” Having never seen the movie, read the book, or seen the play, he assumed that the SNL version represented the real version.

Instead of a holiday classic, he thought “A Christmas Carol” was some gory, horrific, blood-spattered monstrosity.

As you can imagine, he was quite relieved at the end of the Hartford Stage production.

It’s also a good reminder:

It’s easy to walk around the world with massive misconceptions based solely on your experiences or lack thereof.

Also, “Tiny Tim” is a terrible name to call a small, disabled child.

Right?

 

Footwear and foliage

Behold!

And look carefully, lest you miss it…

The Sock Shrub — a rare, unappreciated indoor plant only found in the homes of boys incapable of keeping socks on their feet or tossing them into the hamper.

Instead, you find them in the couch cushions, on their bedroom floor, under the dining room table, and abandoned inside the entryway.

And sometimes, when the forces of the universe align just right, you can find them hanging in a household plant.

Always solo, of course,

Never a pair shall be.

My 2024 Christmas haul

Every Christmas, I take inventory of the holiday gifts that my wife, Elysha, gives me.

Some people wish for cashmere sweaters, the latest gadgets, stylish watches, and jewelry. My hope is often for the least pretentious, most unexpected, most nostalgic, quirkiest, most utilitarian little gifts possible, and Elysha never fails to deliver.

When it comes to gift-giving, Elysha is brilliant. More than the gifts themselves, her choices tell me that she knows me.

She sees me more clearly than any other person in my life.

For the past 14 years, I’ve been documenting the gifts she’s given me on Christmas because they are so damn good. Also, it’s an excellent way to recall Christmases of the past.

Every year has been as good as the last, if not better. Her previous gifts have included a signed, first edition copy of a Kurt Vonnegut novel, commissioned paintings of my Boy Scout camp, my grandparents’ farmhouse, my childhood home, my dog, and a shelf containing my books and several other books that mean a great deal to me.

I’ve also received smaller, equally brilliant gifts like a Viewmaster Viewer with family photos, my very own Dundee Award, and schadenfreude mints (“As delicious as other people’s misery”).

Lots and lots more.

She never fails to deliver, including this year.

The best gift of all for 2024 was a commissioned painting titled “Together is the Best Place” that features important landmarks in our relationship, including the locations of our first date, our engagement, our wedding, our honeymoon, and our first two apartments and the home we’ve live in for the last 15 years.

Cleverly designed, it also features mile markers indicating the distances from Connecticut to some out-of-state landmarks (Bermuda and Grand Central Station) and other smaller elements that mean so much to me.

It’s beautiful. Everything I love in a gift:

Unexpected. Nostalgic. Awash in stories and memories. The kind of thing our children will want someday.

Added to this thing of beauty are some other gems, including:

Vintage unopened trading card packs featuring The Simpsons, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and Mad magazineHand-painted Christmas ornaments of the five pets we’ve owned together.A vintage Skid Row keychainA Shrute Farms Irrigation Room keychainA small device that makes the sad trombone soundPens with embarrassing logos designed to lend out to unsuspecting victimsNew shoesA Shakespeare-themed calendarThe newest Kate Dicmaillo novel“The Twelve Terrors of Christmas” by John Updike (illustrated by Edward Gorey)A combination dart board golf gameA pad of “pep talk” notes

This year was pretty fantastic.

You are such a loser

If you’re not familiar with Garfunkle and Oats, I can’t recommend this comedic singing duo enough. They are almost never safe for work, but if you’re into music and comedy that speaks truth through hilarity, these women are for you.This song is especially compelling. It’s one of their most earnest songs, and the message is so necessary for people — children and alike —  today:You’re going to fail. You’re going to try like hell and fail spectacularly.You’re a loser. You’ve been a loser before and will be a loser again.The song playfully attempts to destigmatize the word, which I love.I’m constantly reminding my students that in every competition, there is almost always one winner. When you agree to play a sport, enter a competition, play a game, or compete in any way, the chances of losing are high since only one person or team will ultimately finish on top.Be prepared to lose.Most will.A lot of people seem afraid to lose today. Children don’t handle it especially well, but some adults have an uncommonly difficult time, too.Even worse are parents who can’t stand the thought that their child might lose, which creates problems in their children’s lives and the lives of others. They shout and swear and sometimes threaten Little League umpires. They complain about rules and regulations that cause their little ones to suffer the indignity of not taking home a trophy. They are found to be helping their children gain access to elite colleges via nefarious means.I spoke to a group of content creators this week — writers, YouTube producers, TicTok creators, and comedians — and they seemed to argue that their lack of traction and success was the fault of algorithms, gatekeepers, and other factors beyond their control.I was forced to remind them:Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime.
Edgar Allen Poe died penniless and unrecognized for his talent.
“Moby Dick” only sold 3,000 copies in Melville’s lifetime.
Nick Drake’s music didn’t receive wide acclaim until two decades after his death.I could go on.Not to mention all the unrecognized geniuses who might never be recognized. Or might still be recognized years or decades after their death.Winning is not guaranteed. Artists starve. Your work may never be seen by anyone beyond your friends and immediate family. If you decide to pursue a creative career, be prepared to lose.You’ll likely be a loser. Embrace it. Celebrate it.This is what Garfunkle and Oats are signing about. Some of my favorite lyrics from the song include:You’re a loser but a dreamer
You’re tired but you’re strong
You’re going on no evidence
You don’t listen to common sense
You went all in and you were wrongYou are such a loser, good for youAlso:At least you triedAt least you’re not that guy watching from the side
Who thinks he’s doing better cause he wasn’t defeated
When he’s just a non-entity who never competed
You’re the one who’s out there reaching for something greater
And you know it’s better to be a loser than a spectatorThe lyrics sound a hell of a lot better when sung, so go listen.Then bookmark this clip for moments when things are not going well, and you need to be reminded that losing is normal, expected, and a sign that you’re doing something right.

Things that annoy me

I have many pet peeves. Most people do, I think.

Most are also smart enough not to publish them for the world to see, but not me!

So here are a few of mine.

If any of them happen to target one or more of your behaviors, please choose one of the following options:

Assume I’m a prickly monster who might someday learn the error of his ways.Recognize that you have an annoying behavior that needs alteration, and thank me for your newfound enlightenment.

______________________________________

It annoys me when people can’t own where they grew up. For example:

Comedian Marc Maron was born in New Jersey but spent most of his childhood and teenage years in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

But he likes to say he’s “genetically Jersey.”

That’s not a thing.

Actress Zoe Saldana recently said on a podcast that she grew up in New York but later admitted it was actually New Jersey. But she said she didn’t like telling people that she grew up in New Jersey because she felt like a New Yorker.

Also not a thing.

I was born and raised in a small town about 50 miles south of Boston, but I don’t try to claim Boston (or anywhere else) as my hometown. I grew up in Blackstone, Massachusetts — a town most people have never heard of and even fewer people have visited.

It’s fine. I don’t need people defining me by my childhood home.
______________________________________

It annoys me when actors and filmmakers criticize the use of the word “storytelling” by other actors, screenwriters, and filmmakers.

The rise of the word “storytelling” apparently causes some actors and filmmakers to cringe, while many fellow filmmakers have embraced it to describe what they do.

Being a storyteller, I would seem to have a horse in this race, but that’s not why I am annoyed. I don’t care if they use the word or not, but the visceral response to the word by some actors and filmmakers annoys me.

It’s accurate. They’re telling stories.

I respond similarly when a writer, comedian, actor, or musician describes themselves as an artist, and others respond negatively to the word. You need not apply paint to canvas or chisel to stone to be considered an artist. Making music, writing poems, dancing, and performing onstage are all forms of the creative arts, so if someone wants to refer to themselves as an artist, they should shut up and move on.

If a magician wants to refer to themselves as an artist, I’m okay with it. Mimes and ventrioquists, too.

If you’re not, get over it.
______________________________________

It annoys me when someone answers a question about their life with their astrological sign.

“Well, I’m a Sagittarius, so…”

Also not a thing.
______________________________________

It annoys me when someone says, “I should’ve been a teacher.”

Then become a teacher.

We need more teachers, and teacher certification isn’t especially onerous, especially if you already have a college degree. I know many people who have transitioned from one profession to teaching, so if you should’ve been a teacher, then do it.

Otherwise, stop talking about it.

A Christmas memory for the ages

As we prepare to make new Christmas memories this morning, I am reminded of one from 12 years ago, when Clara was three years old and Charlie was still an infant.

I’ll never forget it.
_______________________________________

It’s 9:00 AM on Christmas morning. Things are not going as expected.

After opening a few presents, including three books I had to read aloud before we could continue unwrapping, my daughter told us that she was tired of opening presents and wanted to practice her numbers on my computer.

So now she is sitting at the table, typing the numbers 1-10 and asking how to make 14, 19, 22, and so on.

There is still a pile of presents under the tree, including her best gift, but she wants nothing to do with them.

“When I’m done with my numbers, let’s eat breakfast,” she says. “I’m hungry.”

“Do you want to open presents first?” I ask.

“No!” she says. “No more presents!”

At this rate, these presents may never get opened.

Honestly, has something like this ever happened in the history of humankind?

I adore nonconformity, and her lack of materialism warms my soul, but this is ridiculous.

Matt’s 2024 Holiday Gift Guide

In the event you have some last-minute shopping to do for a loved one, allow me to offer my annual gift-giving guide to the four best presents that you can gift someone.

I promise you that they are far superior to any cashmere sweater, shiny trinket, or electronic doo-dad that you’re thinking of buying.

Time

The best gift of all is the gift of time, and it’s not a difficult or expensive gift to give. In the past, Elysha has hired people to cut the grass, rake the leaves, and shovel the driveway, thus returning this precious time to me.

Remove an hour of obligation from my life, and I am a happy man.

Other options include things determining the contents of the boxes in my attic, correcting my multiplication tests for a month, pitching my solo show to theaters throughout the country, or offering to complete any task or chore that I would otherwise be forced to do myself.

Your friend or loved one’s list would be different, of course. Hopefully, it doesn’t include mystery boxes in the attic, but I’m sure you can think of things they would rather not do that you are more than capable of accomplishing on their behalf.

Last night, Clara lamented that she hadn’t bought Charlie a holiday gift. I told her to make coupons for chores around the house, like setting the table and emptying the dishwasher. When it’s his turn to complete the chore, he can turn in the coupon, and she will complete it instead.

The gift of time.

I know this sounds crazy to some people. They say things to me like:

“Matt, I’d rather mow my grass and receive that cashmere sweater.”

“I’d rather correct a mountain of spelling tests and unwrap a brand-new iPad on my birthday.”

“I’m more than happy to shovel my driveway. Give me that new Fitbit/star finder/water purification device I have wanted for months.”

I’m sorry, but I think you’re wrong. It may seem presumptuous to tell you what you or your loved one may want, but trust me. The difference between what you want and what you think you want could not be more different.

I promise you that when you are lying on your death bed, surrounded by all of your material possessions – your stuff – your greatest regret will be the time you could’ve spent doing things. Seeing people. Experiencing the world. At that moment, the gift of time will mean more to you than anything else.

It should mean just as much today. Don’t wait until it’s too late to appreciate it.

Also, it’s very unlikely that you need any more clothing or jewelry or electronics. You could probably do without the device that clips to your belt or fastens to your handlebars or makes imaginary things explode when you click the right combination of buttons.

The thing you should crave — more than anything else — is time.

Knowledge

Coming in a close second to time (and in many ways, its first cousin) is the gift of knowledge. Find a way to teach me to do something I’ve always wanted to do but haven’t been able to learn.

Either teach me yourself or find someone who can do it for you.

We all go through life wishing that we could do more. Accomplish more. Achieve more. This gift would allow a friend or loved one to take one small step closer to those dreams.

For me, it’s meant sending Elysha to a cooking or art class. Hiring someone to teach her ukulele.

For Elysha, it meant buying me an hour with a professional poker player or lessons with a golf instructor.

For our kids, it meant hiring professional organizers to help them clean and redesign their rooms yesterday.

In these instances, we walk away with nothing material but something far more valuable:

The gift of knowledge. The acquisition of a skill. A slight improvement in an area that means a great deal to us.

Far more valuable than a pretty scarf or a new gadget. And now that so much has moved online, finding experts in various fields is only a Zoom call away. Charlie is taking guitar lessons via Zoom. My friend is taking personalized yoga classes via the Internet. Bringing a high-quality instructor into your home has never been easier.

My list of things that I want to learn include:

Hitting my driver longer and more consistently.Taking better photographs.Finding and becoming proficient with a digital, virtual whiteboard for Zoom.Designing my YouTube channel to maximize all of the features available to me.

I actually sent my production manager to an online class to learn this on my behalf. Now she can do the work for me while simultaneously teaching me.

Huzzah!

Again, your loved one’s list will, of course, be different, but if you find the thing they want to learn, it can be an extraordinary gift.

Experience

This one is simple and spoken about often. Want to make me happy? Send me to a Broadway show. Get me tickets to a Yankees game. Bring me to see a comedian who I love. Purchase tickets to a concert.

It doesn’t take much to create a memorable and unique experience for a person. You won’t have anything to show for the experience once it’s done except the memories of the moment, but that is always better than the stuff that clutters our homes.

Studies repeatedly show that money spent on experiences generates far greater happiness than money spent on things. But we know this already.

Right?

An afternoon spent biking with your kids or a weekend with your friends at the beach, or an evening spent sitting beside your wife at a concert is always better than the thing inside the box with the bow.

We’re fools if we think otherwise.

Nostalgia

This is new to my list, but it should’ve been included for a long, long time. In some ways, it’s also a close cousin to the gift of time because it amounts to the past presented in a new and interesting way. A return or a resurrection of days gone by. A dip into the waters of your youth.

Years ago, my workplace birthday buddy surprised me with a lunch with a former colleague who retired a few years ago. For an hour in the middle of my school day, I was able to take a step back in time when my friend was still working alongside me. We ate, talked, and reminisced about the many moments we spent together.

It was my best workplace lunch ever. One of the best gifts that I’ve ever received.

Elysha has been giving me the gift of nostalgia for years, commissioning artists to paint images of the map of my Boy Scout camp, my childhood home, my grandparent’s home, my dog, and a shelf containing all of my books. A couple of Christmases ago, she gave me a Viewmaster Viewer, loaded with images of our family.

These are some of the best gifts that I have ever received. Important places and things reimagined and returned to my life, complete with the memories and joy that they once contained.

Years ago, my workplace birthday buddy surprised me with paintings of two photos I posted online earlier that summer. Small, artistic representations of moments that I remember so well.

An incredible and perfect gift. One that I will treasure forever.

Each time I look at these bits from the past, I am transported back to those days, and I’m reminded of all the happiness and goodness that accompanied these places and people.

These gifts have been so important to me. Reminders of what once was and what will someday be again.

Time, Knowledge, Experience, and Nostalgia.

If you still have someone on your holiday shopping list or you simply want to make someone in your life happy, give one of these a try.

They truly are the best gifts someone can receive, even if they don’t know it yet.

Love a real tree

I learned this week that only 14 percent of households purchased a “real” Christmas tree last year, while 80 percent of Americans have an artificial tree.

I can’t believe it. The vast majority of Americans have pretend trees?

It breaks my heart.

Perhaps I feel this way because I grew up in a home with real trees, and the idea of a tree in a box made from PVC and wire depresses me. These trees are probably easier to set up, don’t require watering, and are less expensive over a lifetime, but what about all that is great about a real tree?

Hunting through a Christmas tree lot, seeking the perfect specimen.
Debating the benefits of a Fraser fir over a Douglas pine over a blue spruce.
Hiking into a field of trees with a saw, looking for the perfect tree to kill and drag back to the car?

And what about the differences in trees from year to year that give them personality, character, and memorability?

What about the creativity and ingenuity required to wrestle the tree into the house, shave an inch off the bottom to make it fit, and cover up an unexpected bald spot with a clever assortment of ornaments?

Not to mention some of the unexpected delights that come with a real tree…

Last week, as Charlie’s friend entered our home, he said, “Wow! I love the way your home smells! What is that?”

It was the tree.

Years ago, we found a bird’s nest nestled in the tree branches, which was a delightful surprise.

Also, according to most environmental experts, a real Christmas tree is generally considered better for the environment than a fake tree, as growing and harvesting real trees has a lower overall carbon footprint than manufacturing and transporting artificial trees.

It’s hard to imagine that just over 10% of Americans will decorate real trees this year. I am an enormous fan of efficiency and simplicity and seek it everywhere in my life, but sometimes, the more challenging option is the better one.

A book about me.

Someone wrote an “authorized biography” about me, except it’s not authorized.

I didn’t even know it existed until yesterday. I found it by accident. Available on Amazon.

It’s weird to stumble upon an authorized biography of yourself that’s existed for almost six months.

An odd and memorable moment in my life.

I purchased it today. Maybe wait until I take a peek before purchasing it yourself. It’s only 54 pages so it may be a slightly expanded version of my Wikipedia page.

assume the photo on the cover is of David Ellington — the author?

The description reads like this:
_________________________________________

Title: Matthew Dicks: The Authorized Biography, Legacy and Life Story of the Author by David L.Ellington

Discover the remarkable life story and lasting impact of Matthew Dicks, the beloved author, teacher, and storyteller. This authorized biography takes you on an inspiring journey through Dicks’ life, from his childhood in Blackstone, Massachusetts to his current status as a bestselling author and renowned public speaker.
Key benefits of reading this book:

Be captivated by Dicks’ unique storytelling abilities and how he uses them to connect with audiences of all agesLearn from his innovative teaching methods and how he inspires students to develop their own creative voicesGain insights into his writing process and the inspirations behind his acclaimed novels like “Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend”Discover how Dicks’ commitment to family, community, and lifelong learning can motivate you to pursue your own passionsExplore the lasting impact Dicks has had on the worlds of storytelling, education, and beyond

This biography is a must-read for fans of Matthew Dicks‘ work, aspiring writers and teachers, and anyone seeking inspiration to live a life of creativity, purpose, and connection.
_________________________________________

I look forward to reading all about me.

I think.