Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 27

The machines are coming for us

Elysha received an Ember mug for Christmas.

An Ember mug is a temperature-controlled, battery-powered mug designed to keep your beverage at your preferred temperature for an extended period.

Charlie spotted it charging on the counter yesterday.

“So now our mugs are electronic?” he said, sounding outraged. “Really? First the internet, and then AI, and now the mugs? The machines are taking over. We’re doomed!”

He started walking up the stairs when I said, “What about that 3D printer in your room? What about that machine?”

He paused near the stop of the stairs, thought for a minute, then said, “Fair,” before disappearing into his room, apparently accepting his machine-dominated future for the sake of printing plastic trees for his train set.

This is how they get us. One plastic tree at a time.

Coincidentalism: Want to join?

Looking for something new to embrace in 2025?

How about this?

On December 23, 1988, I was in a head-on collision in my mother’s 1976 Datsun B-210. I was driving through Mendon, Massachusetts, on a snowy afternoon when my car slid into the opposite lane and met a Mercedes Benz head-on halfway down a hill.

I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt at the time, even though I always wore my seatbelt. As a result, I was severely injured in the accident. My head went through the windshield, and my legs became embedded in the air conditioning unit. I stopped breathing, and my heart stopped beating for about a minute in the back of an ambulance before paramedics used CPR to restore my life. My legs required multiple surgeries. There is still glass in my forehead to this day.

Thirty years later, I told this story as part of a talk for a large healthcare provider in Cambridge, Massachusetts. When I finished speaking, I sat down beside the company’s CEO. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me close.

“You’re not going to believe this,” he said. “I was in a car accident that day, too. Same snowstorm. Also while driving a Datsun B-210. I slid through an intersection that night in Roxbury, and a snowplow tore the back half of the car right off.”

Same day. Same storm. Same make and model of car.

Incredible coincidence. Right?

Ten years ago, I was standing in a hot dog line on Father’s Day at a minor league baseball game, emailing a YMCA director at a camp 90 miles north, hoping to plan the annual fifth-grade trip to the camp that fall.

A life-changing adventure for children that lazy, ineffective adults ended because it was easier for them if the trip did not exist.

The man who I was emailing, whose name is Pat, had uncharacteristically not responded to my last three emails. With time to kill while waiting for my hot dog, I decided to send another email.

I opened the email app, opened a new email, and typed Pat’s name in the address field. Then I looked up. Pat was standing in front of me. He was wearing a minor league baseball uniform, leading the people dressed up as catsup, mustard, and relish through the concourse, cutting the line directly in front of me.

Pat had quit his job at the YMCA camp and was now the Rock Cats entertainment director.

I began to email a man I barely knew, and at that very moment, he appeared before me. At a baseball game. In a hot dog line.

Incredible coincidence. Right?

A few years ago, Elysha and I walked into a bookstore to find an author lecturing about storytelling and memoir to an audience of a couple dozen readers. Almost immediately, Elysha (then I) realized that the author was teaching my strategies and my trademarked method — Homework for Life — and claiming them as her own. She eventually spotted me browsing the stacks, faltered, and finally felt compelled to introduce me to her audience, admitting that much of what she was teaching had actually come from me.

Imagine how that woman felt when she saw me walk into the store at the very moment she was stealing my content.

Quite a coincidence for both of us.

Knowing that I struggle with faith, and knowing that I would like to believe in a benevolent God and an afterlife, and knowing that I refer to myself as a reluctant atheist, many people over the years have tried to help me find some faith in a greater power.

A family of Jehovah’s Witnesses who took me off the street when I was homeless tried to gently nudge me in the direction of the Lord through stories and prayer.

Readers have written hundreds of emails and Facebook messages over the years, desperately trying to save my soul.

Rabbis have tried to convince me that I can believe in God while still questioning the nature of the Lord’s existence.

Many of these attempts have used coincidences like the ones I’ve described as proof that God exists. When these remarkable, seemingly impossible moments of serendipity occur, how could one not think God had a hand in their making?

A rabbi once called these moments “a wink from God.”

Admittedly, the world is filled with extraordinary coincidences beyond my own.

Stephen Hawking shares his birth and death dates with Galileo and Einstein.

Sailor Richard Parker was cannibalized by his shipmates—just like Edgar Allen Poe’s character of the same name was cannibalized by shipmates in a story published 46 years earlier.

John Wilkes Booth’s brother famously saved Abraham Lincoln’s son from death. And that same son, Robert Todd Lincoln, witnessed three presidential assassinations.

Coincidences even occur in science. Solar eclipses, for example, only happen because the sun is about 400 times wider than the moon and 400 times farther away, making the two appear the same size in the night sky. If the sun or moon were slightly larger or slightly smaller, or if the distance between the two was slightly altered, solar eclipses would not be possible.

What are the odds?

My favorite coincidence was told on the WYNC podcast Radiolab. In 2001, a 10-year-old girl named Laura Buxton released a red balloon from the front yard of her home. On the side of the balloon, she wrote, “Please return to Laura Buxton,” along with her address.

The balloon traveled roughly 140 miles south before descending and finally landed in the yard of another 10-year-old girl.

The second girl’s name?

Also Laura Buxton.

After getting in touch and explaining the coincidence, the girls decided to meet and discovered a range of uncanny similarities. Not only did they look and dress alike, but both girls had three-year-old chocolate labs, a grey rabbit, and a guinea pig, and both had brought their guinea pigs to the meeting unplanned.

How could these moments not be winks from God? Evidence of a higher power?

But I don’t buy it. I wish I did, but I don’t. With billions of human beings on this planet engaged in trillions of interactions at any given moment, coincidences are not only probable but likely.

It’s simply a numbers game. The numbers are astronomically large, beyond human comprehension.

Therefore, the coincidences are probable.

They may feel divine in the moment, especially when they happen to you, but ultimately, you are part of the math, too—a simple integer in the grand equation.

Coincidences will invariably happen to everyone. Some are big, some small, and most seem remarkable at the time.

But not the product of a higher power.

To this end, I launched a new religion a few years ago called Coincidentalism. Members of the faith (currently three in number) acknowledge and celebrate the remarkable nature of coincidences while firmly rejecting the notion that a higher power is manipulating events to make them happen.

We embrace the extraordinary nature of coincidences while viewing them as the rather ordinary outcomes of an unfathomably enormous system of component parts and endless interactions.

Our belief can be boiled down to:

Coincidences are amazing! Also expected! Because math!

Please note:

Coincidentalism does not prevent you from also believing in a higher power. It does not reject the possibility of God or some similarly spiritual (and perhaps less violent and self-obsessed) being. Both belief systems are perfectly capable of operating independently of each other.

God exists. Also, coincidences happen.

I still want to believe in a higher power. I still want to find faith in the afterlife. I still cannot, but if I someday find the faith I so desperately desire, I will continue to celebrate coincidences for what they are:

The remarkable results of a cosmic pinball machine constantly bouncing everything off everything else, resulting in moments of extraordinarily frequent unlikeliness.

Coincidentalism. Plenty of room if you’d like to join the congregation.

Don’t be provoked

“When someone tries to provoke you, don’t be provoked. When someone isn’t even trying to provoke you, but you feel provoked anyway, don’t be provoked. When your opponents are trying to get you to talk about something, it’s probably because you shouldn’t. You don’t have to respond to everything. You can decide what your agenda is, and what your message is, and do your best to focus on that.”
— Tom Hamilton

Wise words from Tom Hamilton. The non-response is so often the best response.

Not only does it allow you to move on to more important, meaningful matters, but for the person hoping to provoke you, it causes them to wait, wonder, and spin.

This is often more painful than the perfect comeback. Being ignored can be devastating.

In fact, I love the trolls. Every time I receive a scathing email, an angry post on social media, or any other bite-sized bit of hatred or cruelty — which happens from time to time, and sometimes daily — I think:

“I’m over here, making something of worth. Writing a book. Crafting a story. Creating a digital product. Penning a column. Publishing another blog post. Teaching a child. Consulting with a client. Designing a workshop. And you? You’re wasting your precious time spewing ugliness, which is ephemeral, meaningless, and will ultimately yield you nothing in terms of reputation, profit, or attention. Huzzah!”

Every troll is one less creator against whom I must compete.

Every troll is one less thoughtful producer of wisdom, words, and content.

When I see a troll, I see someone irrelevant and trivial.

Trolls — when ignored — become non-entities. Their power is derived from attention and response.

As Tom Hamilton wisely said:

When someone tries to provoke you, don’t be provoked.

Instead, make something meaningful. Or beautiful. Or unforgettable. Maybe even profitable.

Fragile, frail, and frightened

A group of Costco shareholders, likely emboldened by the Supreme Court’s continued assault on the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment, called on the company’s board to “conduct an evaluation and publish a report” on the risks involved in maintaining their Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) program, which these shareholders called “illegal discrimination” against employees who are “white, Asian, male or straight.”

The Costco board responded with a recommendation to vote against this proposal:

Our Board has considered this proposal and believes that our commitment to an enterprise rooted in respect and inclusion is appropriate and necessary. The report requested by this proposal would not provide meaningful additional information to our shareholders, and the Board thus unanimously recommends a vote AGAINST this proposal.

Our success at Costco Wholesale has been built on service to our critical stakeholders: employees, members, and suppliers. Our efforts around diversity, equity and inclusion follow our code of ethics:

For our employees, these efforts are built around inclusion – having all of our employees feel valued and respected. Our efforts at diversity, equity and inclusion remind and reinforce with everyone at our Company the importance of creating opportunities for all. We believe that these efforts enhance our capacity to attract and retain employees who will help our business succeed. This capacity is critical because we owe our success to our now over 300,000 employees around the globe.

But then came the good part.

The proponent professes concern about legal and financial risks to the Company and its shareholders associated with the diversity initiatives. The supporting statement demonstrates that it is the proponent and others that are responsible for inflicting burdens on companies with their challenges to longstanding diversity programs. The proponent’s broader agenda is not reducing risk for the Company but abolition of diversity initiatives.

In other words, we are not the problem. We are not costing our company time and money.

You are.

Costco’s DEI program includes a chief diversity officer and a supplier program focusing on expanding with small and diverse businesses. It donates to organizations like the Thurgood Marshall College Fund that serve minorities and underrepresented groups.

The result?

Costco says its DEI efforts help the company attract and retain a wide range of employees and improve merchandise and services in stores. Costco also said its members want to interact with a diverse employee base.

“Among other things, a diverse group of employees helps bring originality and creativity to our merchandise offerings, promoting the ‘treasure hunt’ that our customers value,” Costco said in its proxy statement to investors. “We believe (and member feedback shows) that many of our members like to see themselves reflected in the people in our warehouses with whom they interact.”

Hooray for Costco. Also, hooray for me — a member and shareholder.

All of this also brings me to a thought I’ve had circling my brain for almost a decade:

It’s astounding how fragile, frail, and frightened a certain segment of Americans have become.

Some people actually believe that DEI programs are a threat to their financial security.

After centuries of slavery, violence, oppression, segregation, discrimination, and racism against black and brown people — much of which still is happening today —  a minority but loud segment of Americans — mostly men, I suspect — are apparently afraid that programs designed to improve diversity in an organization, increase equity amongst its people, and ensure that their organization is representative and inclusive somehow discriminates against them and hurts their chances to compete in this world.

As if those centuries of economic advantages earned through racism, bigotry, and violence don’t still exist today.

For example:

In 2022, the median wealth of a white household was $285,000.

The median wealth of a black household was $44,900.

This is the result of one thing:

Historical, institutional, and ongoing racism, sexism, and bigotry in this world.

When one family can accumulate and pass on generational wealth in the form of money, college tuition, perpetual safety nets, and land while another family was unable to accumulate generational wealth for centuries because their ancestors were enslaved, lynched, murdered, raped, beaten, uneducated, oppressed by Jim Crow laws, denied basic civil rights, and suffered constant and ongoing discrimination, you need to be pretty small and pathetic to think that a company’s DEI program is somehow holding white people back.

Just think:

Depending on your age, you’re great-great-great grandparents were likely alive when slavery was legal in this country. Depending on who your family is and where they lived, your great-great-great grandparents could have enslaved people or operated businesses that benefited from the institution of slavery.

Those people would’ve been your grandparents’ grandparents’ grandparents.

That’s not so long ago. Just 160 years ago. Just two or three lifetimes ago.

If you’re black, it’s possible — even likely —  that your grandparents’ grandparents’ grandparents were enslaved themselves.

But you need not go back that far. The grandparents or great-grandparents of many black families grew up before the Civil Rights movement when Jim Crow laws legalized segregation and discrimination, and organized violence against black people was still firmly in place in many places of this country.

That’s also not so long ago.

Your grandparents or great-grandparents were likely alive when Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in baseball.

The first black Supreme Court justice was appointed just four years before I was born.

The first female black Supreme Court justice was appointed two years ago. Does anyone except a racist and sexist really believe that until Justice Jackson ascended to the bench in 2022, no black woman was qualified to hold this post?

As of 2024, there have been over 2,000 members of the United States Senate.

Twelve have been black.

That’s .006 percent of all Senators. Six-thousandth of a percent.

Augusta National Golf Club — where the Masters is played and Tiger Woods won five championships — admitted its first black member in 1990. Until then, it was a whites-only golf club. Had Tiger Woods been born one decade earlier, he wouldn’t have been permitted to compete in the Masters.

In 1990, a major PGA golf tournament — perhaps the most prestigious — was played at a segregated golf club.

Given all this and so much more, these Costco shareholders and many others like them think a DEI program — deemed by the company to increase profits— will somehow keep them from achieving the American dream.

Fragile, frail, and frightened.

Unwilling to acknowledge the not-so-distant past. Unable to recognize the structural, economic, and historical advantages they still benefit from today.

Probably racist, too, but isn’t that what all racists and bigots are at their core?

Afraid that they can’t compete absent the historical advantages that their white skin once afforded them.

I’m happy to see that Costco isn’t bending to the whims of people who can’t or won’t recognize the realities of this world and is doing what is right and profitable for the company.

We need more of this backbone in the world today.

It’s Elysha’s birthday today!

Today is Elysha’s birthday!

She’s my wife, if you didn’t know.

I’m honestly still astounded — at least from time to time — that she’s my wife.

When I met her more than 20 years ago, I was instantly enamored, but being a realist, I knew she was way out of my league.

She was also engaged to be married at the time, and I was coming to the end of a marriage, so we weren’t exactly available, but my crush on her was almost instantaneous.

I had no chance with this woman, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Our first real conversation took place while hiking around a lake on a YMCA campground with students — a truly life-changing trip we once took our fifth graders on until lazy, uninspired adults decided to make their lives easier and simpler by not bothering to change children’s lives anymore.

It’s a damn travesty amongst a host of other travesties perpetrated on children as the educational landscape is flattened, leaders are replaced by managers, and uniformity, standardization, and homogenization are the orders of the day.

But I digress.

The topic of our conversation as Elysha and I walked around the lake, helping children grow in ways they still talk about as adults today:

Her upcoming wedding.

As a wedding DJ, our first real conversation was about her big day, just a few months away. As we walked, I offered her advice on how to make her wedding day perfect.

Eventually, Elysha called off the wedding — not for me — and I was single, but we still did not get together. We became fast friends, but for about a year, as we got to know each other well, we dated other people.

Even when we were both single, I never thought I had a chance with her. Truly, I saw her as someone exceedingly beyond my reach—beautiful, hilarious, witty, intelligent, outgoing, beloved by all. She’s four years younger than me, yet somehow, she often seemed a decade younger than me, with more life experience than I would ever have.

And because I never thought I had a chance with her, she was forced to make the first move. She took my hand as we hiked back down a mountain in Hamden, Connecticut, and later that day, kissed me for the first time.

Two months later, we moved in together.

So today is her birthday. After celebrating with a surprise party two days ago, it’s now official.

And even though we’ve been together for more than two decades, I still have these moments — more common than you might imagine — when I look across the room at Elysha and think, “I still can’t believe I ended up with her.”

It’s hard to believe that more than twenty years later, Elysha has somehow become even more perfect. Today, she turns 50, yet she is still more beautiful, funnier, wittier, and beloved than ever before.

She’s also a mother now, and even in that role, she’s perfect. She spent yesterday afternoon using ChatGPT to re-learn how to solve mathematical problems involving radicals so she could help Clara finish her homework. She still ends every day lying beside Charlie, listening to The Beatles. She’s made every step I’ve taken as a father so much easier because she is standing by my side, often leading the way.

When I first met Elysha, I thought she was perfect, but I did not understand the possibilities of perfection then.

She somehow gets more perfect every year.

Happy birthday, honey. I hope all your wishes come true.

How to pull off a surprise birthday party for your wife

Last night, I pulled off a surprise birthday party for Elysha at Peppercorn’s in downtown Hartford.

Everything was remarkably, unbelievably perfect. After months of planning, subterfuge, and worry, the surprise was achieved to heights even better than I expected.

It was a raucous, glorious, fabulous night of celebration for a woman who is somehow 50 years old but still looks exactly the same as the day I met her.

Even better, she has only become funnier, wittier, smarter, and wiser over the years.

Somehow, I married the perfect woman 18 years ago, and she has found a way to improve upon perfection.

Astounding.

Throughout the evening, at least half a dozen people approached me—all men—lamenting that I had “ruined it” for them and proclaiming they could never pull off a party of this caliber for their spouses.

Perhaps.

Part of the beauty of the party was the large number of people from so many different walks of life who came together for the night to meet, talk, and laugh.

When you have incredible friends from every walk of life, you are likely to have an incredible party.

Still, if you want to know how to pull off the perfect surprise party for a spouse who might be suspecting a surprise party, here are my suggestions:

HOW TO PLAN THE PERFECT SURPRISE PARTY FOR YOUR WIFE (OR ANYONE ELSE)

Start planning early. 

I sent out the “Save the Date” for a January 4, 2025 party in the summer of 2024. If you want everyone your wife loves to attend or at least have a chance to attend, you must think ahead.

Create misdirection.

Pulling off a surprise party requires a plausible explanation for why you might be in a certain place at a certain time.

I told Elysha that her parents, her sister and husband, and one or two special guests would be coming to town for a birthday dinner. This allowed me to plausibly explain why we were going out and also created a safety valve in case someone arrived late and we spotted them entering the restaurant.

They would become our “surprise guests.”

This worked perfectly. When we arrived, Elysha’s parents, sister, and brother-in-law were seated at a table in a small room to themselves. More than 80 guests — including Clara and Charlie—were concealed behind an enormous curtain designed to split the room in two when the restaurant hosted two parties. Elysha and I came into the room, said hello to her family, hugged each one, and were just about to sit down when the curtain flew open, and everyone yelled, “Surprise!”

Elysha was convinced that we were having dinner with her immediate family and a special guest who had yet to arrive, and then the guests instantly arrived—more than 80 of them.

And I have to say:

Whoever waited to open the curtain did a brilliant job. They gave us time to settle in for what felt like a meal and waited until Elysha turned and faced the curtain before pulling it open.

Even I jumped when the curtain flew open.

Many people asked her if she was “really surprised.” I wondered, too, until I saw her reaction to the curtain opening. She shook like a leaf and burst into tears.

After two decades together, I know when my wife is truly surprised. That was it.

Use an invitation company or software that keeps all your invites in one place, away from your email inbox.

Secrets require subterfuge. You must be able to communicate with attendees, alert people to possible changes, and adjust details separate from your regular lines of communication, which can inadvertently be seen on computer screens or phones. I use PaperlessPost. I was able to message everyone coming to the party through the app without ever worrying that an email might inadvertently get sent or spotted by Elysha.

Find the right location.

I knew we would have about 100 people in attendance (the final number was 88), so I wanted a room that could accommodate no more than 120 people. If you want a party to feel filled with energy and your guests to intermingle and meet new people, you can’t allow them to camp out with their friends in corners of the room.

A room that is too small isn’t great, but too big is far worse.

Plan to accommodate everyone’s particular needs. 

I wanted the party to feel like a cocktail hour, with most people standing, mingling, and maybe dancing. However, I knew some people would eventually want to or need to sit, so I also ensured there were enough tables for them to do so.

Not too many. Just enough.

I also met with Clara to review the building’s layout and find places where she could escape the party and decompress, which her autism sometimes demands.

I also ensured that none of our guests had a physical disability or other requirement I might need to accommodate. Asking folks if they need something I might not know about is simple but can be exceptionally meaningful to your guests.

Gain access to your wife’s laptop and phone.

Elysha famously knows everyone, so the guest list was daunting.

Who is a friend? Who is an acquaintance? Who is a colleague but not really a friend?

Elysha has worked at five different schools over her career, and she has college friends who I don’t know well, among many others. I accessed Elysha’s laptop and phone at least a dozen times, scrolling through contacts and email messages, looking for people she might know but who I don’t, and gathering phone numbers and emails for invitation lists.

It was daunting, and I felt like I was violating her privacy a bit, but that’s the price you pay for the perfect party.

My greatest fear was that I would forget to invite someone important because of the enormous number of names I had to deal with. I was still inviting people a week before the party simply because I had forgotten to add them to the list. In the end, I forgot one person — someone disconnected from all her other friend groups, lives two hours away, and I don’t see her very often — but still, I’m upset that I missed her.

But it wasn’t for a lack of trying.

Find your people. 

You will need help along the way, but I also advise keeping the numbers small. Conspiracies should be kept as tight-knit as possible.

Fewer people means fewer risks.

I had a point person at each school where Elusha worked help me identify who should be invited. I enlisted the help of another friend to pick up and deliver the birthday cake. To surprise Elysha with Clara and Charlie’s attendance at the party, I brought the kids to friends who were also attending the party (and have kids who are Clara and Charlie’s friends) to “hang out” while we have dinner. The kids went to the friend’s house in sweatpants and tee shirts but also with nicer clothes to change into, giving Elysha the sense that the fabrication was real.

As we left, Charlie asked Elysha when we would be picking them up later that night to cement the deal.

I also had four designated people at the party to assist with organization and communication. None of the four knew about the other, giving me redundancies. So when I texted my friends that we were leaving for the restaurant, three text messages went out to four different people just to be sure. One of my friends also wisely dropped a pin on my location so she could track me to the restaurant.

The last thing  I wanted was a dying cell phone or a distracted friend from failing to get people in position on time.

Hire a photographer.

The last thing you want to worry about is failing to capture the night, so hiring a photographer to shoot candid moments and some more formal photos made for a stress-free night where nary a cellphone was seen. Rather than trying to take selfies and being distracted by phones, the photographer was always on hand to shoot any photo that Elysha or a guest wanted.

Well worth every penny spent.

Hire a DJ or band

Even though you may not dance (we did not), music makes a party feel like a party. I hacked into Elysha’s Spotify account and copied the songs she plays most often, plus her college playlist. From that list, I assembled a list of songs for the DJ to play. Elysha didn’t notice much of the music because she was so overwhelmed with guests, but every song played was one she loved, and the music made the event feel festive and alive.

I also planned the song to be played when the curtain opened — “All You Need Is Love” by the Beatles, and we had our wedding song on hand in case we decided to dance.

Trust the experts

When I met with the staff at Peppercorn’s to decide upon the hors d’oeuvre menu, I asked, “Can you give me the seven most popular options you have?”

The food was excellent. Many people raved about it throughout the night, including Elysha.

When I called the restaurant to tell them I had ordered balloons for the room, they told me to cancel the order. “The room is still decorated for the holidays and is beautiful.” I wasn’t sure about canceling the order, but I trusted the experts.

They were right. The room was fabulous. The balloons would’ve only taken away from its beauty.

When I asked about parking, they said, “There will be plenty of parking in our lot and on the street.” I couldn’t imagine how that would be possible on a Saturday night, but Elysha and I were the last to arrive, and we parked on the street, about 80 feet from the restaurant.

People like to micromanage everything. I like to trust the people who know.

Remember the Important Part

Elysha has already said more than once that the best part of the party was having everyone she loved in one room at the same time. That is the purpose of a party. The cake, the music, the food and drink… all important, of course, but the purpose of a party is to gather people in one place to talk, laugh, and love.

And in the case of a birthday party, to celebrate someone’s deserving for celebration.

So, if the food had been less than stellar, the parking had been a hassle, or the photographer had not shown up, the party would still have been an enormous success because, in the end, it was the people who mattered most.

Always.

Also, pulling off the surprise — particularly as spectacularly as we did — is pretty great, too.

I re-wrote the Ten Commandments. My list is much better than God’s list.

Utah is seeing a brisk business for models with long hair and a beard who can passably pull off a Jesus look for family portraits and wedding announcements for couples wanting to feature the religious figure directly in their pictures.

Models charge about $100 to $200 an hour.

I know I’m not religious, but having read the Bible cover to cover three times (plus lots of other parts many, many times), I know the Ten Commandments well, and I think this Jesus look-alike business at least runs the risk of violating the Second Commandment:

Exodus 20:4-6: “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.”

For a God-fearing Christian — which Utah has in abundance — featuring a fake Jesus in your “Save the Date” seems to be coming uncomfortably close to violating the Second Commandment.

No?

But fear not. No one really cares about the Ten Commandments. Even the dummies who want them displayed in classrooms and the public square willfully and constantly ignore them and make absolutely no effort to adhere to them because the list — like the dummies — is very dumb.

The list is dumb because it contains dumb things, but it also fails to include important things and, perhaps worst of all, contains something that almost no one can do.

The first three Commandments are essentially written by a narcissist (and admittedly “jealous God”) who fears competition.

“You shall have no gods before me.”
“You shall not make any idols to worship.”
“You shall not take the Lord’s name in vain.”

Thirty percent of the Commandments are all about God maintaining his alpha status.

I suppose this makes sense if you want to maintain your hold on power. But if you are the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the universe, do you really need three spots in your list of MOST IMPORTANT RULES EVER  to be concerned with your ability to maintain relevance?

This strikes me as someone with a relatively fragile ego.

Also, these three Commandments are taking up spots that should definitely go to other rules.

The fourth Commandment demands to keep Sunday holy, which, by every account in the Bible, says absolutely, positively no work or play on Sunday.

No exceptions.

This means that if you work, play, or engage in commerce of any kind — watch television, mow the lawn, join your friends for brunch, attend your child’s Little League game, fold a load of laundry, put gas in your car, answer a work email, shop online, or go to the zoo — you’ve now violated ONE OF GOD’S TEN MOST IMPORTANT LAWS.

EVERY WEEK. Probably for your ENTIRE LIFE.

This is where the dummies fail miserably. Only a teeny tiny percentage of Christians attempt to keep the Sabbath holy. The rest may go to church in the morning but then spend the rest of the day doing all the things God says to absolutely, positively not do.

The punishment for failing to keep the Sabbath holy?

Stoned to death.

This is stated clearly in the Bible, too—more than once.

Yet certain dummies love these rules and want them posted in classrooms and inside public buildings even as they willfully violate them every seven days.

The fifth, seventh, and tenth Commandments are fine:

“Honor your father and your mother.”
“You shall not commit adultery.
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.”

… but not if rape, slavery, bigotry, and child abuse are kept off the list.

Kind of stupid. Right?

The sixth, eighth, and ninth Commandments are all solid. Killing, stealing, and lying all belong on the list, though even lying and stealing shouldn’t be on the list if slavery, rape, and child abuse are not.

Some things are simply worse than others, and Gof should, at least in my mind, forbid the worst things first.

The Ten Commandments should really be something like this:

Don’t kill.Don’t assault.Don’t steal.Don’t lie for nefarious purposes.Don’t rape.Don’t commit adultery.Treat all children with dignity and respect.Don’t enslave other people.Bigotry of every kind is forbidden.Women and men are equals.

I’d still be opposed to posting this list in classrooms or the public square because of the separation of church and state, but I could at least support the logic, reason, and utility behind it.

It would also allow all of those Jesus look-alikes in Utah to continue to populate photos of Christians who want to pretend that Jesus dropped by for the day for a selfie.

My foundational texts

Writer Karen Attiah recently wrote about the pleasure of perusing other people’s personal libraries and then asked her followers about their “personal foundational texts.” — books that have impacted their lives.

I liked this idea a lot.

Here is my list:

“The Boy Scout Manual” — I have owned the Boy Scout Manual since childhood. This book taught me more about life and the essential skills required to be successful than any other textbook or book of nonfiction in my life.

“Breakfast of Champions” by Kurt Vonnegut — So much about Vonnegut informs my work today. His willingness to ignore convention and create a style entirely his own gave me permission to do the same. When Vonnegut steps into “Breakfast of Champions” as a character, my brain broke.

It was then that I understood I could do anything with my writing.

“The Dark Tower” series by Stephen King — Stephen King also steps into his Dark Tower series as a character, but he takes it one step further. He uses a real-life incident from his life brilliantly and unforgettably to pivot the story on its head. But more than that, it’s the way King weaves genres across this series of books — western, science fiction, and horror — and the way he creates mythology, culture, language, and religion that have brought me back to this series again and again.

It’s also remarkable storytelling with four of the finest characters in all of literature. It was these books that taught me to place character first and always.

“Diary of a Young Girl” by Anne Frank — I first listened to this book on cassette tape, so when the cassette ran out, I went to the box for another and discovered it was not there. Anne Frank’s book ends because evil men murdered her mid-story. It’s a book that serves as a reminder that time is fleeting, authors die, genius is ultimately extinguished, and my lifelong, relentless pursuit of applying words to the page is both warranted and advised.

“The Dungeon Master’s Guide” — I began writing my first real stories as a Dungeon Master for my teenage friends, and this book taught me that everything is ultimately structure. If you want your story to sing, you must be able to see its structure. Revision cannot happen in a series of sentences. Instead, you must see your story comprised as components of a larger piece.

The Dungeon Master’s Guide taught me this.

“Elements of Style” by Strunk and White — I carry this book’s straightforward, essential lessons in every sentence I write. It is a brilliant dissertation on the use of the English language, and it resides in my backpack, ready for review at all times.

“The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” by Bobby Henderson — This book taught me that criticism can come in the form of creation.

Do you want to point out that every religion is just a bunch of stuff spoken by people about a supposed God?

You can criticize and make fun of religion, or you can invent your own religion with your own spaghetti-based God and honest-to-goodness philosophy and sell millions of copies of your religious tome as a means of saying the same thing.

“Macbeth” by William Shakespeare — I fell in love with Shakespeare through this story first. Once you know Shakespeare, you see it everywhere: in quotes, echoes, and themes. You become someone “in the know.” You see literature and theater and advertising and comedy and comics differently forever. These remarkable stories were written by a remarkable storyteller who taught me the value of stakes, suspense, surprise, and humor.

“Made To Stick” by Chip and Dan Heath — This is the best book on teaching and communicating that exists. Every teacher should read it. Storytellers, too. I read it at least once per year (and am reading it right now), and though anecdotes about folks like Lance Armstrong haven’t aged well, the lessons are just as relevant today as they were when I first read this book two decades ago.

“The Pleasure of My Company” by Steve Martin — While struggling to write my first novel, I stumbled upon this remarkable by the great Steve Martin. It’s the story of a man suffering from chronic obsessive-compulsive disorder. Though the novel has a plot, the primary focus of the story is on the character and how he struggles to maintain a life enveloped by artificial obstacles.

After reading this book, I understood that a protagonist’s inner life is far more interesting than anything they might say or do and that courage is defined not only by a person’s actions but also by the willingness to be oneself in a world that demands something more.

When people ask me for a unifying theme in all of my novels, this is essential what I say:

I’m fascinated by people who possess the courage to be themselves in a world that does not appreciate or accept them for who they really are. It all began with the reading of this slender novel written by a comedian who I have admired all my life.

New Year’s Resolutions 2025

At the beginning of every year, I establish a list of goals (or New Year’s resolutions) for the coming calendar year. I post this list on my blog and social media to hold myself accountable.

I recommend this to everyone. I’ve been engaged in this process since 2010, and I’m convinced it’s helped me be more productive and successful, even though my average goal completion rate over the past 14 years is 57.6%.

I’ve learned that setting exceptionally high goals and accepting inevitable failure is critical to achievement.

I’ve also legitimately changed my life as a result of this process. Previous goals have led me to daily meditation, learning to cook, flossing without missing a day in more than a decade, and exercising regularly. Many goals that once appeared on my list are now simply things that I do regularly without thought or effort.

An unexpected side benefit has been the occasional assistance from readers in completing some of my goals through advice, recommendations, and sometimes even direct intervention. Five years ago, the amazing Kathryn Gonnerman turned the blog that I had written to my children for the first six years of their existence into six enormous, beautiful tomes that my kids are constantly reading today. They are some of the most precious things we own.

She knocked one of my goals right off my list.

People are exceptionally kind, and I never turn down an offer of assistance.

The interest in these posts on my yearly goals and monthly updates has been equally unexpected. I often feel like updating my progress each month is the least interesting thing I write, done only for me, but apparently, readers disagree.

They are some of my most-read posts. Tens of thousands of people read these posts monthly.

Many people appreciate my willingness to share my failures openly. It’s easy to look at someone and think they do everything well, but when you look under the hood, it’s easy to see that not everything is firing on all cylinders.

I’m simply lifting the hood and allowing people to see my imperfection and outright failure.

So here are this year’s goals. As always, I choose goals focused on process over product. With a couple of exceptions, I don’t write goals that depend upon the decisions of others to complete. So instead of writing:

“I will publish a novel.”

… my goal would be:

“I will write a novel.”

I have control over the quality and quantity of my writing. But I have no control over whether or not an editor will deem it worthy of purchase and publication. Many great authors remain undiscovered until well after their death, but thank goodness they continue to write in the face of rejection.

Process over product. When setting goals, we must make them dependent upon our own effort and not the whims and predilections of others.

They must also be specific and measurable. “Lose weight” is a terrible goal. “Lose 10 pounds” is much better.

I always reserve the right to add to or edit a goal on the list when and if conditions change throughout the year.

My 2025 New Year’s ResolutionsPERSONAL FITNESS/ATHLETICS

1. Don’t die.

Recommended by my friend, Charles, years ago, and still worthy of the first position on the list.

As always, I plan on living forever or die trying.

2. Lose 10 pounds.

I lost nearly 40 pounds in 2023 — twice as much as planned or expected. As a result, I was within striking distance of my high school weight when competing in the district championships as a pole vaulter.

Years ago, my doctor suggested that my high school weight would be ideal for me. I told my doctor that she was ridiculous to think I would ever return to that weight.

I thought she was crazy.

Sadly, she’s no longer my doctor, so she’ll never see my progress, but at least she can’t say, “I told you so,” at this year’s physical.

I failed to lose weight in 2024, though keeping off the 40 pounds was an achievement in itself.

I plan to attempt again to lose at least ten pounds in 2025, bringing me close to my high school weight.

3. Do a targeted push-up workout at least four times per week. 

This is a repeated goal from 2024.

For over a  decade, I have been doing 200 push-ups daily—typically four sets of 50 or five sets of 40. However, after some research, I’ve learned that doing a variety of push-ups is far better for me in terms of building muscle and exercising different muscle groups.

I did this in 2024, and the results were good. At a recent appointment, my doctor said, “Strength certainly isn’t a problem for you.”

Positive feedback always feels good.

So, in 2025, I will repeat this goal, doing a targeted push-up workout every four days, varying the type and number of push-ups based on the guidance of an expert.

Push-ups with one foot raised in the air
Push-ups from various inclined positions
Push-ups from multiple hand positions
Push-ups with weight on my back
Push-ups with elastic bands for resistance

4. Complete 100 sit-ups four times per week. 

This is a repeated goal from 2024 that I have been doing for more than a decade.

I still hate doing sit-ups, so this remains on the list. Accountability remains critical.

5. Complete three one-minute planks four times a week.

This is a goal from previous years that I am continuing in 2025.

I also hate these things.

6. Cycle for at least five days every week. 

I stopped going to the gym and started riding my indoor and outdoor bikes. This turned out to be a silver lining in that difficult time.

I went on 345 rides in 2024 and hope to meet or exceed that number, but five days per week is a solid goal.

7. Try at least three new vegetables I have never eaten before or do not like. 

Elysha suggested this goal.

It’s true that I don’t find many vegetables palatable, but I also know that over the years, tastebuds die and preferences shift, so trying vegetables for the first time or trying vegetables again after time has passed makes sense.

Children have about 10,000 tastebuds. The average adult has between 2,000-8,000. Smoking, drinking alcohol, and certain medications can reduce the number of tastebuds substantially. As a result, the way food tastes will change over time.

This is why people expand their palates as they age. They are not becoming more sophisticated or daring. They simply taste less effectively, so the once unpalatable flavors are now muted by the absence of taste buds.

The food tastes different. Therefore, they can now enjoy it.

Unfortunately, I am a supertaster—verified via an actual test—meaning I taste flavors that most people cannot. This explains why my palate is not as expansive as I’d like.

Let’s be clear: I would love to eat a wider variety of foods. I just can’t stand how they taste, which is likely very different from how they taste to you.

Not only am I a supertaster, but I have also never smoked, haven’t consumed any alcohol except for the occasional champagne toast in almost 30 years, and have never taken any regular medications. I have done little to harm my already highly effective tastebuds.

Nevertheless, I agree with Elysha. I should try some new vegetables this year, and so I shall.

8. Get a DEXA Scan and VO2 Max test at least once in 2025.

A DEXA Scan provides an in-depth analysis of your fat tissue, lean mass, and bone density. A VO2 Max calculates the amount of oxygen a person can use while exercising and is used to determine a person’s cardiovascular fitness and aerobic endurance.

9. Lower my handicap to 19.9. 

My current handicap is 25. I plan to get it below 20 this year.

In 2024, I aimed to achieve the USGA’s average golfing handicap for men of 14.2. But after doing some research, I came to understand that this is the average handicap for men who track their handicaps, which means most are members of a club, play often, take the game seriously, and, worst of all, manage their handicaps.

The average recreational player — someone playing 2-3 times per week at most — is 20-25. I am at the top of that leverage and hope to drop it under 20.

I will need to hit the ball farther to accomplish this goal. My putting is better than average. My short game is solid. I can escape bunkers with relative ease. I hit the ball straight. But I do not hit a tee shot long enough to reach greens in regulation, and my mid-irons and woods don’t travel far enough to make up for that gap.

I need to clobber the ball better.

This is one of those rare goals I have pinned to achievement rather than effort. I could set a golfing goal based on the number of times I take lessons, practice at the range, and play the game, but my desire to improve demands that I set a numerical goal predicated on performance.

WRITING CAREER

10. Complete my eighth novel.

I’ve actually written nine novels, but only eight have sold. I have one “in the drawer” that nobody wanted, but for the purposes of this goal, I plan to write a brand new novel in 2025 and finish it before the end of the year.

11. Write, edit, and revise my golf memoir.

I wrote a memoir about ten years ago based on a summer golfing with friends. It was a good book back then, so I intend to approach it with fresh eyes and make it even better in 2025, hoping that my agent will sell the book to a publisher in 2025 or 2026.

12. Write my “Advice for Kids” book.

This represents a continuation of an incomplete goal from 2024.

For most of my teaching career, I have offered my students “life lessons”—moments of learning that are often direct, amusing, helpful, and almost always associated with a story.

In 2021, while I was offering one of these life lessons to my class, a student named Alexis asked that I begin writing them down. Unlike any student before, she became a scholar of my advice, treating each lesson like gold.

Rightfully so!

And so I did. Thus, I have an extensive collection of meaningful lessons told via amusing anecdotes and stories. My agent thinks that my amusing, sarcastic, and direct nature might appeal to kids, and my 25 years as an award-winning teacher might appeal to parents, so I plan to assemble, expand, and craft these lessons into a book by the end of the year.

13. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.

I achieved this goal in 2024 by writing three new picture books.

I hope to sell at least one this year.

My goal remains the same in 2025.

Also, for the record, all of my picture books are excellent and worthy of publication. Having spent 25 years with the targeted readers for these books—children—I know what I’m talking about, so if you know a brilliant, savvy children’s book editor, please send them my way.

If you happen to be a brilliant, savvy picture book editor, call my agent.

14. Write about my childhood in partnership with my sister, Kelli, at least once per month. 

Last year, my sister, Kelli, texted me:

“We should work together again to preserve the stories of our childhood before I get too old and start to forget. I am 50 now!”

Kelli has one of the best memories of anyone I’ve ever met. People are surprised at what I remember from childhood, but compared to her, I remember nothing. She is a steel trap.

Years ago, we began writing about our childhood on a blog entitled “107 Federal Street.” That writing still exists. In 2025, I’d like to find a way to return to writing with my sister, hoping to recover even more childhood memories and produce something valuable in the process.

15. Write a new solo show.

I wrote my first solo show, “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks,” in 2023 and performed it several times.

I love the result. I hope to perform it again.

I plan to write my next show in 2025.

16. Submit at least three Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

This has been my goal for the past six years. I hope to eventually get something published, but until then, I plan to continue submitting in 2025, including at least one Modern Love submission.

17. Write at least four letters to my father.

This is a repeated goal from 2025.

My father has not responded to my letters in quite a while, but that doesn’t mean I can’t continue to write and send them, which I will do at least four times in 2025.

18. Write 150 letters.

I wrote 224 letters in 2024 to a wide variety of people, including students, former students, friends, former teachers, family members, neighbors, authors, politicians, podcast hosts, business owners, restaurant servers, and many more.

So many beautiful, unexpected, unforgettable interactions took place as a result of my communication. I plan to repeat this goal, which has been on my list for years,

About 12 letters per month.

I strongly recommend you establish a similar goal. It’s been a wondrous addition to my life.

19. Write to at least six authors about a book I love. 

On New Year’s Eve of 2021, I received an email from a woman who read my first novel in middle school and has followed my work ever since. She credited me for helping her fall in love with reading and has just finished writing her first novel. It was a joyous way to end the year.

It was a joyous way to end the year. I decided to do the same for authors whose books I adore.

I wrote six letters to authors in 2022, 2023, and 2024. Two of them — Kate DiCamillo and David Sedaris — wrote back! Joy!

My goal is to do this at least six times again in 2025.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

20. Launch a new Homework for Life app.

I have a new partner on this project — a digital wizard and business genius — and together, we are building a Homework for Life app. People have asked me about it for years, but it wasn’t until I met my partner that I decided to move forward. I wanted someone who wasn’t just looking to turn my idea into a digital product but was also a fan of storytelling, too.

Happily, I found that person. We plan to launch in 2025.

21. Record and publish at least 25 videos to my YouTube channel.

I sent my production manager to a YouTube production class so we could begin building my YouTube presence. This will drive website traffic and likely boost sales of my courses and other products.

22. Perform a new solo show.

In 2023, I performed “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” three times to sold-out audiences at Theater Works in Hartford.

I later performed it at two additional theaters in New York.

It was the thrill of a lifetime.

I plan to repeat the thrill in 2025, beginning at TheaterWorks in Hartford in April.

23. Revise my free Storyworthy Academy.  

“Storyworthy for Business” — the huge 2024 project is now complete and available for purchase.

Find it and much more at storyworthy.com.

I want to produce a much-improved version of my free Storyworthy Academy as soon as possible. It’s designed to be a perfect introduction to storytelling, and the new videos and plan we have created will do exactly that.

24. Record and produce at least three new Storyworthy courses.

I currently have four courses available online:

Finding StoriesAnatomy of a StoryHumor: Volume #1Storyworthy for Business

I also have several smaller webinar-like products for sale.

I plan to produce at least two more courses in 2025.

25. Produce a total of six Speak Up storytelling events in 2023

Since we launched Speak Up back in 2013, we have produced a total of 118 shows.

2013: 3
2014: 8
2015: 12
2016: 17
2017: 17
2018: 13
2019: 17
2020: 12
2021: 8
2022: 6
2023: 5
2024: 8

We plan to produce at least six Speak Up storytelling events in 2025. Two are already on the books!

26. Submit pitches to at least three upcoming TEDx events, hoping to be accepted by one.

I’ve spoken at 12 different TEDx conferences. While some have been failures due to technology—a broken clicker, a camera failing to record, a failed timer, and one TEDx team disappearing without uploading the talk to the internet—a few have been critical hits for me.

, which has more than 130,000 views.
Live Life Like You Are 100 Years Old and Say Yes became critical components of my book “Someday Is Today.”
Speak Less, Expect More is often viewed by teachers and brings me to their schools to speak.
You Are Your Best Audience and What is a Story have helped me share my storytelling philosophy with the general public.

But I have at least two new talks in me:

One on critical feedback and another on time management. They are better than they sound.

I plan to pitch one of these new talks to at least three upcoming TEDx conferences in 2025.

27. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

My Moth attendance ever since attending my first Moth StorySLAM in 2011 has been:

2011: 4
2012: 9
2013: 19
2014: 19
2015: 31
2016: 31
2017: 20
2018: 15
2019: 22
2020: 15
2021: 12
2022: 18
2023: 19
2024: 15

Note that this represents the number of times I attended a Moth event, including StorySLAMs, GrandSLAMs, Main Stage performances, The Moth Ball, and more. It does not represent the number of times I’ve performed.

Sadly, my name does not always get drawn from the hat.

As opportunities to speak and perform at other venues for various organizations have increased, I’ve had to devote less time to Moth events, even though they remain my favorite shows in the world.

Give me a Moth StorySLAM any day.

Given my previous record, attending eight Moth events in 2025 is a low number, but my children are getting more involved in activities that I want to ensure I attend. Thus, I want to ensure balance while striving to achieve goals.

28. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

Last year, my goal was to win one Moth StorySLAM.

I won three of the five I competed in for a win percentage of 60%.

A solid year of Moth performances.

Since 2011, I’ve won 55% of the Moth StorySLAMs in which I’ve competed for a total of 61 victories,

Though I’m hoping for more than one victory, that is the goal I’m setting again for 2025.

This goal depends upon the decisions of others (which I try to avoid when setting goals), but competing in StorySLAMs isn’t enough to justify the goal.

I need to win.

29. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I won one GrandSLAM in 2014.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2015.
I won one GrandSLAM in 2016.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2017.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2018.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2019 and 2020.
I won one GrandSLAM in 2021.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2022.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2023 and 2024.

Zero wins in two opportunities. Two second-place finishes.

Overall, I’ve won 9 GrandSLAMs in 37 attempts for a 24% win rate. Not bad given that 10 people tell stories, and it’s much harder to win a GrandSLAM with all of those annoyingly excellent storytellers, not to mention the four times I was defeated by stories that I helped to find and craft.

Arming my competition. A terrible strategy.

This goal also depends upon the decisions of others (including how quickly my turn in a GrandSLAM comes up), but competing in a Moth GrandSLAM just isn’t enough to justify the goal.

Once again, I need to win.

30. Pitch “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” or my new show to six theaters in 2025. 

I performed and recorded “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” three times at Theater Works in Hartford in 2023 and two times in 2024 in New York theaters.

I’ll perform my new show in April if things remain on schedule.

I want to perform one or both shows again in 2025, so I aim to pitch the show to theaters and/or directors in hopes of landing additional venues for the show in 2025 or beyond.

31. Produce at least 24 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

I’m so excited to finally begin podcasting again in 2025. Elysha and I had tens of thousands of listeners before the pandemic sent us to virtual instruction and brought our podcast to an abrupt end. Elysha’s degree program followed, further preventing us from recording, but throughout the last almost three years, people have continued to listen and ask for more.

Every week, people wonder when and if Elysha and I will record again. Some have listened to the show’s more than 100 episodes more than once.

We plan to begin recording and producing new episodes in the first weeks of 2024, and I hope to produce at least one new episode every two weeks, thus finishing 2025 with at least 24 new episodes.

32. Perform stand-up at least six times. 

I performed stand-up just four times in 2024. A failed goal that I hope to improve upon this year.

Six times is not a lot in terms of stand-up comedy, and I hope the number is higher, but I’ll set a goal for six and see what happens.

33. Pitch three stories to This American Life.

I had a story on This American Life in May of 2014. Since then, I’ve pitched stories to someone I know who works for the show, and since 2022, I’ve pitched stories through more formal channels.

I plan to pitch the show at least three more times in 2025.

34. Submit at least three pitches to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast.

When I list possible publicity opportunities for my publicist, Marc Maron’s WTF has always been at the top of my list. I’ve been listening since his first episode and would love to talk with him. I’ve pitched myself to him before, including three times a year for the past five years, and I’ll do it again, at least three times, in 2025.

35. Send a newsletter to readers at least 50 times. 

Given how my business operates, sending one newsletter per week should be easy, but I still want to connect meaningfully through my newsletter in 2025. An average of once per week is a good number.

HOME

36. Organize the basement.

I completed about 60% of this goal in 2024. I plan to finish it in 2025.

36. Clear the garage of unwanted items.

The garage is organized and clean, but items need to be removed in 2025. Once the weather makes the garage more palatable, this goal should be fairly easy to accomplish.

37. Replace our backyard shed.

We tore down the old shed because it would fall on its own soon, but we have yet to replace it, meaning all of our shed stuff is stored in the garage.

We need a shed.

38. Get the hardwood floors refinished.

Our floors are a struggle because our cats are impossible to board. We will need to keep them off the floors while they dry, so I need to find a company that can come early enough to begin the work so that when the cats eventually emerge from the basement, where they will hide while the work is being done, they won’t ruin the floors.

I essentially need a company that works quickly and with lots of TLC.

If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I’ll spend 2025 trying to find a way to make this happen.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

39. Travel to Europe.

I’ve never been to Europe, and neither have the kids, so this summer, we plan a trip across the Atlantic to the UK and France. Admittedly, Elysha will do much of this planning, but I will support her in every way.

I may also travel to Australia this year on a speaking tour for work.

This one is strictly for fun, though if The Globe would like me to perform my solo show while I’m there, I would not object.

I should pitch them!

40. Text or call my brother or sister once per month. 

This was a goal achieved in 2024 that I plan to repeat in 2025.

My brother, sister, and I don’t talk enough. I will text or call either one at least once a week.

41. Bring my brother, sister, and me together at least twice in 2025.

Phone calls and texting are good, but we should really spend time together. We are separated by four hours and three states, so getting together would not be too hard if we made an effort.

42. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

A successful goal from 2020 through 2024 that returns in 2025.

As I scanned through my photos on a plane ride to Indiana in 2019, I noticed a decline in pictures of the kids over the years. This is only natural. When a child is born, photos are taken every nine seconds, but this burst of photography subsides a bit as time passes.

Once again, the goal is to take one photo per day, every day when I see the kids, by 2025.

43. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.

A goal I failed to complete in 2022, 2023, and 2024 returns again in 2025.

Even worse than the decline in photos of the kids is the rarity of pictures of just Elysha and me. We need to rectify this, so I will take a photograph of just the two of us at least once a week.

44. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

From 1989 to 1993, my friend Bengi and I lived in a home known as the Heavy Metal Playhouse. It was four of the best years of my life. Enormous parties, the closest of friendships, and the wildness of youth left an indelible mark on me. While I stay in touch with many of my friends from those days, I have not seen many of them in a long time. We have attempted to plan a reunion in the past without success.

Starting in 2016, I’ve tried to organize a reunion but have failed. However, the shift to virtual meetings in 2021 convinced me that a virtual reunion via Zoom might be the best option, given that some of our friends are spread out around the country.

We planned a reunion in 2022, but vacations and illness derailed it. I plan to make it happen again in 2024.

45. I will not comment positively or negatively on the physical appearance of anyone except my wife and children to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

In 2016, I decided to avoid all negative comments about a person’s physical appearance.

In 2017, I added positive comments (save my wife, children, and in-laws) to reduce our culture’s overall focus on physical appearance.

For the past eight years, I have achieved this goal. I have also convinced many others to adopt the policy by writing about it.

Others think I’m crazy, indicating that my mission is good and just. The best and most important work we do will undoubtedly be criticized by many.

For this reason, I will repeat this goal in 2025, even though it has now become something I do.

Perhaps you could, too.

46. Surprise Elysha at least 12 times.

This is a completed goal from the last seven years that I will repeat in 2025.

47. Play poker at least six times.

I love poker. I paid for our honeymoon with profits from poker. I made a mortgage payment in 2012 with poker profits when it was still legal online. I am an excellent poker player who stopped playing regularly in 2015 as I shifted my time to writing and storytelling, and online poker became illegal.

But over the past few years, I’ve been making a more concerted effort to play.

Now that Charlie plays, it’s become easier to play. Six times is not a lot, so it should be doable.

48. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

Bengi and I met in a Milford, MA, McDonald’s back in 1987, and we have been friends ever since. We once lived together (in the aforementioned Heavy Metal Playhouse) and started our DJ business in 1996. We have been through a great deal together, but in the last few years, we have seen less of each other even though we live 15 minutes apart. Our interests have shifted from what each likes to do, and our families are demanding more of our time, but that’s no excuse for not getting together more often.

Six days is reasonable, and I exceeded this goal in 2023 and 2024.

MUSIC

49. Memorize the lyrics to at least five favorite songs. 

A completed goal from 2022-2024 that returns in 2024.

You know those songs you’ve listened to all your life but never found the time to learn the lyrics?

I will rectify this by learning the lyrics to a few of my favorites in this category.

50. Practice the flute at least four times per week.

A failed goal that returns in 2025.

I’ve spent the last two years trying to learn to play the piano independently without much progress. This year, my musical goal is shifting to the flute.

I played the flute as a kid, and though I haven’t touched a flute in decades, I can still remember all of the fingerings and can still read music, so this year, I plan to return to my flute playing glory years before I switch to playing the bassoon and the drums.

I’ve already purchased a flute and am excited to get started. Rather than practicing alone, I will find a course, YouTube channel, or teacher to help me.

MISCELLANEOUS PROJECTS

51. Host at least three dinner parties where I cook.

I learned how to cook during the pandemic. I am not an excellent chef by any means, but I understand enough about cooking to produce reasonably tasty dishes. I want to use those skills to host at least three dinner parties in 2025, bringing together folks who don’t know each other well to create new connections, strengthen existing bonds, and have a fun evening of food and conversation.

52. Develop a course on self-confidence. 

The request I receive most from my clients — by a wide margin — is a workshop on building confidence.

Essentially, they say: “I want to have as much confidence as you. Can you teach that?” This request comes from all walks of life:

CEOs, storytellers, attorneys, entrepreneurs, keynote speakers, and more.

For the longest time, my answer was, “No. I can’t.”

But maybe I can. I’ll spend the year researching, thinking, planning, and outlining a course on developing self-confidence. I’m not sure if it will be viable or effective, but I will at least give it a try.

53. Develop a list of strategies to help people deal with loneliness and produce it in some form.

I’ve been interviewed by a researcher on loneliness who found me to be one of the more connected people she knows:

Lots of friends, lots of acquaintances, and a generally connected person.

Given that the US Surgeon General has identified an epidemic of loneliness in our country, I may have a few things to say on the subject. During the interview, I outlined strategies for staying connected to friends, and others revealed themselves to me through her questions.

I plan to organize and codify them in 2025 into something I will produce:

A blog, an e-book, a pitch for a traditional publishing contract, a YouTube series, a podcast…. something.

54. Read at least 12 books.

I read 28 books in 2024 – well above my goal of an even dozen.

I recently noticed that podcasts are crowding out books, but Stephen King rightfully said, “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”

Americans read an average of 12 books per year, but the median number of books read per year is just four, meaning that the blessed folks reading 100 books or more per year (like Clara) are artificially boosting the average.

I’ll shoot for 12—one per month.

55. Finish reading TIME’s 100 Best Children’s Books of All Time. 

I failed to complete this goal last year. I’ve read 45 books on the list thus far. Just 55 to go.

56. Edit our wedding footage into a movie of the day.

In 2023, I finally extracted the footage from our wedding day from a 20-year-old Apple computer. The movie I made of our wedding day was not retrievable, however, so I need to recreate a movie of our wedding day so that I’m not stuck watching raw footage.

I failed to complete this goal in 2024. I plan on doing so in 2025.

57. Digitize a pile of DVDs that contain dance recitals, plays, and other assorted moments from the past.

While cleaning the basement, I found a bin of DVDs I need to digitize. A service exists that will do this work, so I just need to make it happen.

58. Memorize three new poems.

Back in college, I was required to memorize and recite one poem every week for a poetry class, and many of those poems are still locked in my brain today.

I also have several French poems still memorized from French class in high school (thanks to the late Lester Maroney).

I like having these poems memorized. It’s fun to be able to recite them whenever I please. About ten years ago, on a rainy day at Camp Jewell, we conducted Theater Olympics for our 100 or so fifth graders. One of the events was the “Unknown Talent Show,” where the teachers had to perform a talent that no one knew they possessed.

I recited French poetry to my principal, who stood on a chair with a mop over his head.

Memorization is also an excellent way to preserve long-term brain health.

I completed this goal in 2024 and plan to do so again in 2025.

59. Post my progress regarding these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Resolution Update: 2024 in review

At the end of each month, and now at the end of the year, I report on the progress of my New Year’s resolutions (or lack thereof).

This is my end-of-year report. After 365 days of striving and reaching, here are the results of my planning and effort.

Overall, I completed 37 of my 57 goals for a completion percentage of 65%.

If it were a grade on a report card, it would be a D.

But better than my 15-year average of 56.7%

The letter grade for my last 15 years would be an F, so my D turns out to be pretty good.

I also strongly believe in setting audacious goals. I love exceedingly high bars and embrace failure as an indication of high expectations.

It was also a year where several goals were near completion, but I didn’t get them over the finish line by December 31. However, I will likely complete them in early 2025.

Overall, it was a solid year of success with some notable failures.

Here are the results from previous years:

2010: 44%
2011: 62%
2012: 30%
2013: 60%
2014: 60%
2015: 59%
2016: 59%
2017: 71%
2018: 50%
2019: 48%
2020: 54%
2021: 45%
2022: 69%
2023: 66%
2024: 65%

Some of my goals were missed for understandable reasons.

I failed to finish organizing the basement because I needed Elysha to go through more than a dozen bins of clothing and other things, and with the start of the school year and a new grade level, she didn’t have the time.

I failed to finish my next novel, but only because the deadline was extended into January. It would almost certainly be done if I had been given a 2024 deadline.  The same holds for my new solo show, pushed back into April 2025. Had the original dates in November remained, that goal would be complete.

I’m also nearing completion on two new books, but again, I didn’t get them quite over the finish line in 2024, but both are close.

Others were very much my fault, and some were downright disappointing.

I didn’t practice my flute regularly even though I wanted to play.

I didn’t re-launch our podcast, which fans are clamoring for, and it would likely drive many potential customers to my Storyworthy.com website and the products I offer.

After finally extracting the footage from our wedding from an ancient computer, I didn’t edit the footage into something we could watch. My production manager is uniquely qualified for this work, but I failed to get it done.

I also had some notable achievements in 2024.

Completing my Eagle Scout project more than 36 years after a near-fatal car accident derailed it was a highlight of my year. It hasn’t had the effect I had hoped — eliminating my sense of regret —

Completing my new Storyworthy for Business course was a monumental achievement.

Reading 28 books and writing 224 letters far outpaced those original goals.

All told, 2024 was an excellent year for overall goal completion.

The following are the 2024 results.My 2024 New Year’s ResolutionsPERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

SUCCESS.

My ears gave me a lot of trouble in the last few months of the year, resulting in tubes in my ears. It wasn’t fun, and it was painful, but it wasn’t life-threatening.

On a happier note, my calcium score was a perfect 0 (meaning I have no detectable plaque in my arteries), my last dental appointment went exceptionally well, and I’m fully vaccinated.

Another successful trip around the Sun.

2. Lose 10 pounds.

FAIL.

I’ve ended the year at the same weight I started. This is a failed goal, yet it somehow also feels like a success, given I lost 40 pounds last year. Keeping weight off is just as important as reducing weight, so an unplanned goal was achieved.

But a planned goal was a failure.

3. Do a targeted push-up workout at least four times per week. 

SUCCESS.

My new regime, which calls for different types of pushups on different days, has been excellent.

At my recent physical, my doctor said, “Strength is certainly not your problem.”

Positive reinforcement is always appreciated.

4. Complete 100 sit-ups four times per week. 

SUCCESS.

I often completed this goal more than four times per week.

5. Complete three one-minute planks four times a week.

SUCCESS.

I still hate these things.

6. Cycle for at least five days every week. 

SUCCESS.

I exceeded my goal by a wide margin, recording 347 rides in 2024.

7. Meet or beat the USGA’s average golfing handicap for men of 14.2. 

FAIL.

I finished 2025 with a handicap of 24.2. It’s a high number but is improving steadily and more than three better than the start of the year.

But I’ve come to realize something important via research:

The average male golfer’s handicap isn’t 14.2 because most golfers don’t maintain a handicap and those who do tend to be a minority of better, more serious golfers who are active members at country clubs. The average recreational golfer has a handicap of 20-25. My score still sucks relative to even those numbers, but not nearly as much as in comparison to the average golfing handicap.

WRITING CAREER

8. Complete my eighth novel.

FAIL.

The due date for my book is January 6, so it’ll be done on January 6. But it was not completed in 2024.

9. Write my next Storyworthy book.

SUCCESS.

The book is written. It won’t be the next book published, but the first draft is ready to go.

10. Write, edit, and revise my golf memoir.

FAIL.

Work has begun adding to and revising, but it’s not nearly complete.

11. Write my “Advice for Kids” book.

FAIL.

Excellent progress has been made, and it’s likely a month or two from completion, but the draft is not yet complete.

2. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.

SUCCESS.

I’ve written children’s books about Connecticut’s infamous October 2011 snowstorm, the gypsy moth invasion of New England in 1981, and the lullaby “Rock a By Baby.”

I hope to submit one or more to publishers in 2025.

13. Write about my childhood in partnership with my sister, Kelli, at least twice per month. 

FAIL.

My sister and I spoke about the project but have yet to follow through. A stupid fail on my part.

14. Launch a Substack.

FAIL.

I didn’t launch a Substack this year, partially because of the controversy surrounding Substack and partially because my thoughts on what I want to write about are uncertain. I didn’t really pursue this goal in 2024 as my thoughts shifted and became less certain.

15. Write a new solo show.

FAIL.

The original plan was to perform the show in November, but scheduling issues with the theater pushed the show back to April of 2025. Had the original November date stuck, the goal would have been achieved.

At this point, the show is fully outlined, and work has begun on the details, but much work still needs to be done.

16. Write a musical.

FAIL.

I honestly didn’t put an ounce of thought or effort into this project in 2024. It was probably a pipe dream given everything else I needed to complete in 2024.

17. Submit at least three Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

SUCCESS.

Four submitted for consideration in 2024. All were rejected.

18. Write at least four letters to my father.

SUCCESS.

Four letters were written in 2024.

19. Write 150 letters.

SUCCESS.

I wrote 27 letters in December to authors, clients, my in-laws, students, colleagues, and more.

I wrote a total of 223 letters in 2024, far outpacing my original goal.

20. Write to at least six authors about a book I love. 

SUCCESS.

Letters were written to Andrew Wilkinson, Joe Rocco, Josh Peck, Lauren Groff, Gary Gulman, and Jacqueline Novack.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

21. Perform a new solo show.

FAIL.

I planned on performing at TheaterWorks in Hartford in November, but complications with their scheduling have pushed that back to April 2025. This was a failure beyond my control.

22. Complete the re-recording of Storyworthy For Business. 

SUCCESS.

A huge achievement given its size and complexity.

23. Record and produce at least two new Storyworthy courses.

SUCCESS.

A total of four new courses were produced in 2024.

24. Produce a total of six Speak Up storytelling events in 2024.

SUCCESS.

A total of seven shows were produced in 2024.

“Matt and Jeni Are Unprepared” on March 2 at TheaterWorks in Hartford.“Sportsing” on March 16 at the Connecticut Museum of Culture and History“School” on May 3 at Sedgwick Middle School in West Hartford, CTSpeak Up – CPA Prison Arts show on June 5 at The Pond House in West Hartford, CTGreat Hartford Story Slam on July 27 at Hartford Flavor Company“Stories Sell” book launch on October 5 at the Connecticut Museum of Culture and History“Matt and Jeni Are Unprepared” on November 17 at the Playhouse on Park in West Hartford, CT

25. Submit pitches to at least three upcoming TEDx events, hoping to be accepted by one.

SUCCESS.

Three pitches were submitted in 2024.

26. Attend at least eight Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

SUCCESS.

A total of 15 Moth events were attended in 2024.

27. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.

SUCCESS. I won:

Boston StorySLAM on February 27Boston StorySLAM on June 25NYC StorySLAM on July 17

28. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

FAIL.

Two second place finishes in 2024.

29. Pitch “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” to at least a dozen theaters and/or directors in 2024.

FAIL.

I pitched “You’re a Monster, Matthew Dicks” to two theaters in 2024 and performed in both.

Two is not a dozen.

30. Produce at least 24 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

FAIL.

My most disappointing failure of the year. I hear from people every week who want Elysha and me to re-launch our podcast, but we failed to make it happen in 2024.

31. Perform stand-up at least six times. 

FAIL.

Almost as disappointing as my podcast fail:

I performed stand-up four times in 2024 — including twice in Ottawa, Canada.

I should be performing a hell of a lot more.

32. Pitch three stories to This American Life.

SUCCESS.

Three stories pitched in 2024.

33. Submit at least three pitches to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast.

SUCCESS.

Three pitches made in 2024,

34. Send a newsletter to readers at least 50 times. 

SUCCESS.

72 newsletters sent in 2024.

HOME

35. Organize the basement.

FAIL.

Excellent progress was made in 2024, but one basement section remains undone. This goal requires the assistance of Elysha. She gave me enormous effort during the summer months, but I struggled to get her help once the school year started.

36. Clear the garage of unwanted items.

SUCCESS.

All unwanted and unneeded material was removed from the garage. We need to replace our shed, so everything typically placed in the backyard shed now occupies the garage, but that is a new problem to solve in 2025.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

37. Text or call my brother or sister once per month. 

SUCCESS.

38. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

SUCCESS.

39. Take at least one photo with Elysha and me each week.

FAIL.

I only achieved this goal in six months in 2024.

It really shouldn’t be so difficult.

40. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

FAIL.

While I still desperately want to make this happen, it seems as if the longer I wait, the harder it becomes.

41. I will not comment positively or negatively about the physical appearance of any person save my wife and children to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

SUCCESS.

42. Surprise Elysha at least 12 times.

SUCCESS.

Two surprises were added in December:

An advent calendar to replace the terrible one originally purchasedA box of her favorite chocolate bars was sent to her school to help get her through the last weeks of December

A total of 18 surprises in 2024:

Tickets to “Little Shop of Horrors” on BroadwayTickets to “Merrily We Go Along” on BroadwayTickets to “Tommy” on BroadwayCheesecake delivered to Elysha and her teammates during an especially challenging dayA surprise weekend spent in Rhode Island with friendsTickets to “The Outsiders ” on Broadway this monthA well-timed sweet teaA basket full of things Elysha lovesDinner on the tableFirst-class tickets to San FransiscoI sent flowers to Elysha and her class just because.I located and surprised Elysha with a 100-Grand bar — one of her three favorite candy bars.Tickets to “The Shark Is Broken” at the Playhouse on ParkTickets to “Jekyll and Hyde” at The Hartford StageFlowers sent to Elysha at schoolDesserts delivered to Elysha and her colleagues on a tough dayReplacement advent calendarBox of chocolate bars

43. Play poker at least six times.

SUCCESS

A total of seven games in 2024.

44. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

SUCCESS

We’ve spent eight days together in 2024.

MUSIC

45. Memorize the lyrics to at least five favorite songs. 

SUCCESS.

Six songs were memorized in 2024.

“Our Wonderful Lives” by Styx
“Come a Little Bit Closer” by Jay and the Young Americans
“Fox on the Run” by Sweet
“Fairyland in New York” by The Pogues
“Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses
“You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift

46. Practice the flute at least four times per week.

FAIL.

I practiced occasionally in 2024, which cannot be characterized as practice.

MISCELLANEOUS PROJECTS

47. Read at least 12 books.

SUCCESS.

I read two books in December, bringing my total to 28 in 2024.

“Sandman” by Neil Gaiman“Unreasonable Hospitality” by Will Guidara

I’m still reading:

“The Power Broker” by Robert Caro
“Excellent Advice for Living” by Kevin Kelly
”Miracle and Wonder” by Bruce Headlam and Malcolm Gladwell

Books read in 2024 include:

“Upstream” by Chip Heath”Happy Pepple Are Annoying” by Josh Peck”Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama” by Bob Odenkirk“The Power of Regret” by Daniel Pink“Fluke” by Brian Klass“Misfit” by Gary Gulman“How to Weep in Public” by Jacqueline Novak“The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt“The Demon of Unrest” by Erik Larson”You Like It Darker” by Stephen King”A Short Guide to a Happy Life” by Anna Quindlen”How to Say Goodbye” by Wendy McNaughton”We’re All In This Together” by Tom Papa”Smart Brevity” by Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, and Roy Schwartz”Hello Molly” by Molly Shannon“The Deerfield Massacre” by John Swanson”Duma Key” by Stephen King”Never Enough” by Andrew Wilkinson“Opposable Thumbs” by Matt Signer“The Splendid and the Vile” by Erik Larson
”On the Edge” by Nate Silver“Green Lights” by Matthew McConaugheyMediations” by Marcus Aurelius“Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck
“Outline: The Science and Art of Longevity” by Peter Attia“All Things Aside” by Iliza Shlesinger“Sandman” by Neil Gaiman“Unreasonable Hospitality” by Will Guidara

48. Finish reading TIME’s 100 Best Children’s Books of All Time. 

FAIL.

I read nine additional books off this list in December, bringing the total number to 45.

Less than half.

49. Unify my passwords using a password manager.

SUCCESS.

50. Learn to use QuickBooks for my business.

SUCCESS.

51. Rectify the heating problem in my studio.

SUCCESS.

I considered creating a new heating zone in the office, but it would’ve cost a fortune. Two electric space heaters on Bluetooth outlets have me warm and toasty whenever I am working.

52. Learn the names of every employee who works at my school.

SUCCESS.

I could not find anyone in December in our school whose first or last name I did not know.

53. Assemble a complete toolbox.

SUCCESS.

54. Edit our wedding footage into a movie of the day.

FAIL.

Another one of my more disappointing failures of 2024. My production manager could probably do this in a couple of hours, yet I never got around to it.

55. Memorize three new poems.

SUCCESS.

I memorized:

James Joyce’s “Tree”
Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken.”
Act V Scene 5, lines 18-28 of “Macbeth.”

56. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

SUCCESS.

One of the best days of 2024. A total of 42 volunteers, plus my family, joined me on a perfect day to complete this long-awaited project. I hope completing the project eventually makes me feel better, as I originally hoped.

57. Post my progress regarding these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

SUCCESS.