Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 271

If you are reading this, it is very likely that you don't deserve the fourth cookie

"You owe a debt to the unlucky."

Michael Lewis's 2012 commencement address is a truly outstanding speech.

So often I am told that a speech is great when it is not.
A speech is inspiring when it is packed with platitudes.
A speech is brilliant when it merely mundane. 

Michael Lewis's speech is outstanding. Lewis advises the graduates of Princeton University to remember how lucky they are. How blessed they have been with parents, country, university, opportunity, and ability. 

Hard work played a role in the graduates' success, no doubt, but millions of people around the world have undoubtedly worked much harder than these graduates and do not earn degrees from Princeton because of circumstances beyond their control.

It would be easy for me to claim I have been unlucky.

Kicked out of my childhood home after high schoolArrested and tried for a crime I did not commitHomelessVictim of violence that resulted in a lifetime of PTSDVictim of an anonymous smear campaign that nearly destroyed my career.

Instead of going to college after high school, living on campus, traveling overseas, and immersing myself in the learning and lifestyle of my peers, I went to school four years later after putting jail, my trial, and homeless behind me. I worked 50 hours a week while double majoring at two different universities in order to survive.

It was not fun. It was not what college was supposed to be. I did not graduate college with lifelong friends or a bounty of memories of time spent in marble halls, crowded dorms, and green quads.

It was not the college experience that I had once dreamed of.

Still, I have been so lucky. Lucky to live in a country that provides freedom and opportunity. Lucky to be healthy and able to work as hard as I did. Lucky to be a white man who was not forced to battle the discrimination, hatred, and the glass ceilings of my female and minority friends. Lucky to find professors, bosses, and mentors who guided me. Lucky to find a family willing to rescue me from the streets. Lucky to survive horrific violence relatively unscathed. Lucky to find a brilliant and beautiful woman who was inexplicably willing to marry me. Lucky to have two happy, healthy children.    

Michael Lewis urges the graduates of Princeton to remember how lucky they are. How their success is predicated more on their good fortune than anything else. He reminds them of what can happen when you begin to believe that you have risen to the top through merit alone. 

It's the right message for the right audience at the right time, and it was spoken succinctly, clearly, and without qualification. 

Michael Lew is right, too. Wouldn't the world be a far kinder and gentler place if the successful people of our planet would be willing to acknowledge the degree to which luck has helped them to rise and while keeping other people down? 

We owe a debt to the unlucky. If only more people would be willing to pay that debt. 

The things I get done while sleepwalking

I've reached a new (and perhaps frightening) level of productivity.

Last night I went a'sleepwalking. It's something I did quite a bit as a kid and still do as an adult on occasion. I've been known to carry on long conversations with people, brush my teeth, walk off into the woods, gets dressed for work, and even eat a bowl of cereal, all while sleepwalking.

About ten years ago, I was sleepwalking when the veterinarian called us in the middle of the night to inform us that my dog, Kaleigh, who they were holding for observation, was not constipated as he had thought. A disc in her back had ruptured, requiring emergency surgery. I approved the $9,000 procedure that had a 50/50 chance of survival and a 50/50 chance that she would never walk again on her own. 

I was asleep during the entire phone call and have no recollection of it. I made important medical decisions and spent large sums on money while I was asleep. I did not find out that my dog had been in surgery until the vet called me the next morning to tell me that Kaleigh had survived the first of two parts of the surgery.  

It was quite a confusing phone call, as you might imagine. 

Last night I went a'sleepwalking. I only know this because on my way back to bed I tripped on some clutter near the stairs, hit my head, and awoke. I was surprised to find myself in the living room, but I was even more surprised this morning to find that I had worked on my next book while sleepwalking. The document was open on my laptop, and words that I have no recollection of writing were staring back at me.

About 500 words in all.

They don't actually fit the chapter that I am working on but are the perfect lead for a chapter two or three away. 

I'm not sure how long it took me to write those words, and I'm not sure if sleepwalking counts as quality rest, but it was remarkable to discover that I had accomplished so much while theoretically resting. 

I'm going to try to do it again tonight, which is to say I'm going to tell myself to do it again and see what happens.  

This could be my new thing.

Wherever you stand on the political spectrum, you have to admire and hopefully agree with everything that James Comey says here during last week's hearings.

Some people may not believe everything that he said during the hearings (and yet simultaneously and inexplicably claim that his words serve as vindication), but these particular words are spoken by a patriot who loves his country deeply. 

The sad things is that In terms of actual wordsmithing, I can't think of anything that Trump has said as President that is as clear, forceful and inspiring as this, and Comey managed to say these words in the midst of questioning before the Senate. 

It was kind of fantastic. 

Of course, one must have a basic understanding of history in order to make speeches like this, and I am quite confidant that Trump wouldn't understand Comey's references to "a shining city on a hill" and "this great experiment."

A basic lack of knowledge makes makes it very difficult to say smart things. 

The man thought Frederick Douglass was still alive.He asked a Women's Empowerment Panel if they knew who Susan B. Anthony was.He could not explain the nuclear triad.He thought NATO was funded through monies paid to the organization.  He claimed that Andrew Jackson had profound thoughts about the Civil War and its prevention, even though Jackson died 16 years before war broke out and owned slaves himself. 

And he spoke this gem about Abraham Lincoln:

“Great president. Most people don't even know he was a Republican. Does anyone know? Lot of people don't know that.” 

Since the Republican Party constantly refers to itself as "the party that Lincoln founded," I suspect most people already knew that Lincoln was a Republican, but apparently not the current leader of that political party. 

Why indeed.

Newspapers still exist, and thank goodness they do, not only for their important investigative journalism, but to also give voice to ninja-level truth tellers like Barbara Rank from Hidden Oaks Court in Dubuque. Iowa. 

How to Save a Boy

One of my high school classmates passed away this week. Joey Makar was one of those kids who was a friend in elementary school but drifted apart in middle and high school.

The kid you walk by in the hallway between classes and think, "We used to collect toads by the stream and race Pinewood derby cars together, but damn that seems like forever ago."

Joey was sadly the last of the Makar boys. Stephen, a few years older than me, was a fellow Boy Scout and one of the kindest people I have ever known. He tragically passed away during my childhood. Brian, the middle brother who I didn't know well, has also passed away. 

I knew the Makar boy's father well. He was one of my Scout leaders. I spent many a day in his basement wood shop, in the back of his van, and hiking through the forest with him. He is still alive today, and I can't imagine the pain he must feel having lost his three sons.

My heart goes out to him.

As human beings, we are the sum of our lives. A complex combination of the our words and deeds. We know ourselves through our history, and those closest to us - parents, spouses, children, and dearest friends - know us this way as well. The sum of a thousand moments spread out over years and decades. 

But for many other people, we are also defined by a moment. A brief snapshot encounter that will remain as our singular defining characteristic in their hearts forever.

Joey was one of those people to me. 

Our Scout troop was camping on a hot summer day. Tents had been pitched. Firewood collected. Hacky sacks deployed. A couple of boys were sitting on a log, whittling and laughing. A couple more were tossing a football. I was standing alone, feeling a little left out, when a few of the older boys walked over and began picking on me. It wasn't especially cruel or malicious, but they were older and bigger than me, and for whatever reason, I was feeling especially vulnerable. I felt alone. Helpless. 

The worst thing I could've done in that moment was cried. The rest of the weekend would've been spent listening to boys make fun of me for balling. Acting like a baby. But as their insults continued, I felt the tears coming and didn't see any way of stopping them.

Then Joey, a boy who I had once collected toads with by the stream and raced Pinewood derby cars, appeared. We hadn't been friends for a couple years, and we almost never spoke, but Joey stepped over and said, "C'mon. We're doing stuff."

That was it. He wasn't looking for someone to round out a football game or didn't need someone to hold a log steady while he sawed. He was doing stuff, which was his way of saving my life. 

We walked away from those older boys without saying a word,. Once well clear of them, he asked if I wanted to hacky sack with the guys. I did, and I stayed in that hacky sack circle all weekend, feeling like I belonged. 

That is how I remember Joey Makar. He was a boy who saved a boy who he didn't need to save. He saw me, recognized my pain, and pulled me back from the precipice of shame and ruin. 

I tell this story to my students every year, in hopes that Joey's actions will inspire others to commit similar acts of random kindness. I tell them to save kids like me by saying, "C'mon. We're doing stuff." 

I don't know what became of Joey Maker after high school. i don't know the sum of his life. I don't know the complex combination of his words and deeds. But I have a singular defining moment that has remained in my heart for the last 35 years. 

This was Joey Makar for me. A moment of kindness and bravery that I will never forget and will keep on sharing with children for all the days of my life.

Rest in peace, Joey. And thank you.  

My home state's stupidly misspelled word, and some confusion about misspelling related to pornography

As a writer, teacher, and geography nerd, I was so excited about this map of America's most misspelled words  

Then I saw my home state of Connecticut's most misspelled word (according to Google Trends):  Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

So stupid. Every other state (except for West Virginia) gets an actual word that we use in everyday life, and my state gets a word that I just wrote for the first time in my life.

I'd love to know who is misspelling this word with such frequency as to ascend to the top of the Google ranking in our state. 

Looking at the map, there are also some words that I can't believe made the list.

How do Idahoans misspell "quote?" Forget the u? Start it with a k?
And how in the world do Mississippians misspell "nanny?"
Also, the people of Wisconsin apparently can't spell the name of their own state? 

Then there's this list of most frequently misspelled search terms by state according to a pornography site. In this case, my state's most commonly misspelled word is "amateur," which at least makes a little more sense. 

I admit I had to do some Googling to determine what "henti" and "hentia" were meant to be, and I still have no idea what "carton" is supposed to be.

Thoughts? Don't tell me if I don't want to know. 

I wish my students would accuse me of a war crime

Graduate this kid immediately. 

17 rules I break

Last month, I wrote about my philosophy of rule breaking:

If someone is breaking a rule, and the breaking of that rule hurts no one, always leave the rule breaker alone. Leave them be. Don't rat them out. Don't wish them ill will of any kind. 

I also wrote about an afternoon spent teaching some young women to break rules in order to simplify life.

I was then asked by readers to list other rules that I routinely break. Here is that list. 

____________________________

1. I never worry about dating a document correctly because no one cares if the document is dated correctly unless they tell you to date it correctly.   

2. I make right turns on red even when the coast is clear even when there is a sign indicating that it's illegal because waiting for no conceivable reason is insanity.

3. I ignore dress codes whenever possible because the only people who really care if you are conforming to the dress code are the worst possible people. Also, everyone is way too busy thinking that everyone is looking at them. Also, you have a right to feel good about the way you look. 

4. When I am using a single user restroom and someone tests the knob, finds it locked, and then knocks, I refuse to answer because this behavior is lunacy. Isn't a locked door signal enough that you're not coming in?

5. When asked for my position on a document at work, I list "Upright" every time. 

6. I pee in the woods while playing golf, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but is technically illegal according to both law enforcement and the golf club.

7. I exceed the speed limit with my car, though almost never to any excess. 

8. When parking my car at a gas station or rest area with the sole intent of going inside to use a restroom or make a purchase, I park in front of a gas pump as if I'm also purchasing gas if no closer space is available.

9. I eat the food in the grocery store that I plan on buying (usually candy bars, soda, Pop Tarts, and fruit) and then scan the bar codes on the empty wrappers at the checkout. This is occasionally a problem with food that is paid for by the pound.

10. I refill cups of soda at McDonald's even though it isn't during the same visit. 

11. I treat red lights as stop signs after 1:00 AM.

12. I ignore all deadlines unless there is an actual consequence attached to the deadline. A deadline without a consequence is simply a line.   

13. If I lose a ball off the tee while playing golf, I do not return to the tee and hit again. I drop the ball where I think the ball landed, take a one stroke penalty, and play on. I do this to improve speed of play and not to improve my score.  

14. I drive while wearing wireless headphones.

15. I look at the GPS application on my phone while driving.

16. I jaywalk. 

17. I use single user restrooms designated for women if the men's room is occupied and no woman is waiting.

 

My children's personal ten commandments are beautiful, heart wrenching, and completely applicable.

My kids were studying the Ten Commandments at Hebrew School this week. As part of the lesson, they were then asked to come up with some commandments of their own. 

My daughter's commandments are beautiful. Much better than the Bible's ten commandments, which waste the first three on God's obsession with being the best and only God and forbid adultery (#7) but say nothing about rape.

Also, there's the commandment that orders that Sundays be kept holy (#4), which is ignored by almost everyone in America and is especially ridiculous during football season. 

Here are Clara's commandments. Nine in all. 

Have fun!Let me tuck and kiss my brother at night.Eat good food.Have friends!Have a good education.Get good helf care. (healthcare)Do not bother me when the door is close (except at night).Be kind, respectful, and responsible every day. Let me have flowers in my room. 

Charlie's commandments are fewer in number and much more like the commandments that his father would write. 

Do not die. Love. 

They also kind of say it all. At least for me. And brevity is the soul of wit. Right?

Rachel Platten has it all wrong when it comes to truth and faith, and I have no idea why.

Rachel Platten's  "Stand By You" is a lovely song that my kids enjoy quite a bit, but there's a pair of lyrics in the song that trouble me deeply and should trouble you, too:

Oh, truth, I guess truth is what you believe in
And faith, I think faith is helping to reason 

 

Let's just be clear: 

Truth is not what you believe in. Truth is accuracy comprised of incontrovertible facts. Truth cannot be refuted by personal preference or belief, despite what the President may think.  

The idea that truth can be whatever the hell you want it to be is partly why we are in the mess we are today. The idea that truth is malleable depending upon need is a frightening concept. 

What the hell were you thinking, Rachel Platten? WHY DID YOU SING THESE LYRICS? And please don't tell me that she didn't write the song, because as soon as you agree to sing the words, you own them. She could've just as easily said, "Hey! Wait a minute! This definition of truth in my song is insane!"

Also, she is listed as one of the writers of the song. She really owns these words.  

And "faith is helping to reason?" I have no idea what the hell that even means, but it's certainly not the definition of faith. It's not even close. I don't even think this lyric makes rationale sense.

In fact, the correct definition of faith is bizarrely close to Platten's definition of truth. In fact, had she simply reversed the words in these two lyrics, the song would make a hell of a lot more sense:

Oh, faith, I guess faith is what you believe in
And truth, I think truth is helping to reason 

I'm still not a fan of the second lyric, but it's better than before, and now the first lyric actually makes perfect sense. Maybe the song wasn't written incorrectly. Maybe she just sung it incorrectly. Perhaps she transposed the words while recording and no one noticed.

Either way, I routinely remind my children after listening to this song that the definitions of faith and truth in that song are not right. I suspect that they may be sick of hearing it by now, but I am sick of hearing these two stupid, inaccurate, illogical lyrics sung over and over and over again, especially when it would have been so damn easy to correct them.