Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 212

New Year’s Resolutions 2019

At the beginning of every year I establish a list of goals (or New Year's resolutions) for the coming calendar year. I post this list on my blog and social media as a means of holding myself accountable.

I recommend this to everyone. I've been engaged in this process since 2010, and I am convinced that I have been more productive and more successful as a result, even though my average goal completion rate stands at about 55%.

I've learned that setting exceptionally high goals and dispassionately accepting failure are critical to achievement.

An unexpected side benefit has been the occasional assistance of readers in completing some of my goals, through advice, recommendations, and sometimes even direct intervention.

People are kind, and I never turn down help.

Equally unexpected is the interest in these blog posts on my yearly goals and monthly updates. I often feel like updating my progress each month is the least interesting thing I write, but apparently there are readers out there who disagree. They are some of my most-read posts.

Below is my list of 44 goals for 2019. I always reserve the right to add a goal to the list through the month of January.

__________________________________________________

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

Recommended by a friend years ago. Still valid today and deserving of the first spot on the list.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I tried to lose 20 pounds in 2016 but only lost 8.
I tried to lose 20 points in 2017 but only lost 8. 
I tried to lose 20 pounds in 2018 but only lost 6.

Since my first weight goal back in 2010, I've lost a total of 66 pounds. Another 20 is ambitious, but it would get me down to my high school weight. I’m willing to try to make that happen.

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.

Readers and friends proposed this goal to me last year more than any other. Though I increased my vegetable and fruit consumption considerably in 2018, there were many days when I did not eat three servings of fruits and vegetables.

I’m altering the goal this year to make it more achievable by allowing myself to fail once per week.  

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

I’ve accomplished this goal for six years in a row, but it’s not exactly automatic (because it’s still hard and oftentimes a pain in the ass), so it remains on the list.

5. Do burpees three days a week.

I need to do a new exercise and vary my routine a bit, and this is apparently a good one. I have no idea how many burpees I’ll be able to do, so I’m keeping this one ambiguous. I just plan on doing them three days a week. We’ll see where that takes me.

WRITING CAREER

6. . Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2019.

With novels #5 and #6 already done and slated to publish this year, it's time to complete the next one.

7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist. 

I wrote three picture books in 2015.  
I wrote another three in 2016. 
I started but did not finish four picture books in 2017.
Those four books, plus two more, remained unfinished in 2018.

I haven't sold any of them. 

My goal for 2019 is to finish the year with five more completed picture books. This can include books that I began in 2017 but didn't finish and/or brand new ones.

At least one must feature a non-white, non-male protagonist. 

8. Write a memoir.

Rather than writing a proposal for a memoir, my agent and I decided in 2018 that it would best if I simply wrote the book, so that process has begun. I plan to complete the memoir by the end of 2019.

9. Write a new screenplay.

I failed to write a screenplay in 2016 and 2017 after writing my first in 2015. I started a new one in 2018 but it’s not close to completion. I intend to finish it in 2019.

10. Write a musical.

In 2012 composer and lyricist Andy Mayo and I wrote and produced a rock opera called The Clowns at a local theater and have been trying to get it into festivals or other theaters ever since. 

It’s very good.

For the last three years, we’ve written musicals for a local summer camp. One of those musicals was also produced by a children's theater company in 2016.

In 2018 I began writing our next show - our first adult musical since The Clowns. I plan on finishing it in 2019.

11. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

A completed goal from 2017 and 2018 that I will repeat in 2019.

In 2018, I published two pieces in Parents magazine, in additional to my quarterly column in Seasons magazine and my advice column in Slate magazine. Not bad, but I'd still like to get my first piece in The New York Times in 2019.

My dream goal is to land another column in a magazine, newspaper, or online publication this year, but I’m keeping this goal more reasonable.

12. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

A completed goal from 2017 and 2018 that I will repeat again this year.

None of the publishing outlets accepted my short stories (still waiting on three to respond), but I will try again in 2019.

13. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

In 2016, I wrote about backing into parking spots, daily affirmations, and bottle flipping.

In 2017, I wrote about prayer, cold showers, and talking to strangers.

In 2018, I wrote about following pop culture and saying grace before a meal.

I've actually adopted one of these behaviors (cold showers) and realized that I was already doing another (talking to strangers).

Though my opinion of most of these activities didn't change, it was a useful experiment each time, so I'll repeat this in 2019.

14. Increase my author newsletter subscriber base to 3,000.

Growth rates in my newsletter over the past three years have been:

2016: 29%
2017: 25%
2018: 68%

If I grow the list by another 25% in 2019. I will hit my goal of 3,000 subscribers. A very reasonable goal.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

Subscribe

Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.

Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy.

Thank you!

15. Write at least six letters to my father.

A completed goal from 2017 and 2018 that I will repeat in 2019.

My father and I have been writing sporadic letters to each other since 2013. Since we speak little, it's been a great way to get to know a man who disappeared from much of my life at the age of eight. I intend to write to him every other month with the hope that he will write to me on my off months.  

16. Write 100 letters in 2019.

I wrote 61 letters in 2018, failing to hit my goal of 100, but I’m setting 100 as the goal again. The plan is to write a letter (paper, envelope, and stamp) every three days or so, to students, colleagues, friends, family, and anyone else who is deserving of praise, gratitude, recognition, scathing retribution, or the like.

It's a way of making a day a little brighter for another person that appeals to me a lot. 

17. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.

A failed goal from 2017 and 2018.

I wrote a blog during the first eight years of my children's lives. I stopped writing in December of 2015. Though I've considered resuming the writing, I would like to have the content already created preserved in a physical form. There are services that can do this work, but I want it done well. Edited. Photos positioned appropriately on the page. Videos removed. I'm willing to hire someone to produce this or find another way to have it done well.  

STORYTELLING

18. Produce a total of 10 Speak Up storytelling events.

Since we launched Speak up back in 2013, we have produced more than 60 shows.

2013: 3
2014: 8
2015: 12
2016: 17
2017: 17
2018: 13

With Elysha returning to work, the push to produce shows has relaxed a bit, so 10 seems like a reasonable number for the year.

19. Begin selling Speak Up swag at our events and/or online.

Elysha and I are in the process of updating our Speak Up logo. Once finished, I plan on designing and selling Speak Up swag - tee shirts, hats, tote bags - at our storytelling events. Making a little money on the swag would be great, but the real goal is to simply allow our audience to express their support for us and the show on a more regular basis.

20. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

I’ve had some bad luck in terms of TED Talks.

I did a TED Talk at the AT&T Conference Center in 2013 that went extremely well, but technical difficulties made the audio on the recording almost indiscernible.

I did a TED Talk at Western Connecticut State University in 2013 that went flawlessly, but the college students who hosted the conference never posted the recording online.

I did a TED Talk in April of 2014 in Somerville, Massachusetts that also went well, but my 15 minute talk was accidentally put on a nine minute timer, which forced me to dump sections of my talk on the fly and speak faster than I would’ve liked. The talk was good, but it was not exactly what I had planned. There was room for improvement.

I did a TED Talk at Boston University in April of 2015. The recording started almost two minutes into my talk, and one of the cameras failed. The actual talk went well but the recording is useless. Again, I'd like to repeat this talk at some point for TED. 

I did a TED Talk in November of 2015 in the Berkshires that went very well. The recording is excellent. Huzzah! 

I did a TED Talk in January of 2016 in Natick, MA, that also went very well. The recording is excellent. Huzzah!

I did a TED Talk in April of 2016 at The Country School in Madison, CT, repeating that first TED Talk that didn't get recorded well in 2013. I had to hold a microphone, which complicated things a bit, and there was no timer, so I had to rush in fear of going long. I'm still not entirely satisfied with the talk. I'd like to repeat it again under optimal circumstances.  

I did a TED Talk in May of 2017 at the Pomfret School. Again, I had a handheld mic and no timer. Still, I thought it went well but could be better.  

I have several talk ideas that I’ll be pitching in 2019.

21. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

My Moth attendance over recent years have been:

2015: 27
2016: 26
2017: 20
2018: 15

As opportunities to speak and perform at other venues for a variety of organizations have increased, the time I’ve had to dedicate to Moth events has decreased, even though they remain my favorite shows in the world.

Give me a Moth StorySLAM any day.

Attending 15 Moth events in 2019 is a reasonable goal, I hope.

22. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

Three wins feels ambitious for 2019 (especially after failing to win three in 2018), but since 2011, I've won 46% of the Moth StorySLAMs that I’ve competed in, and that percentage has remained fairly steady over the years.

If I compete in at least 10 StorySLAMs in 2019, I should be able to win at least three based upon previous percentages. This goal depends upon the decisions of others (which I try to avoid when setting goals), but competing in StorySLAMs just isn't enough to justify the goal.

I need to win.  

23. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I won one GrandSLAM in 2014.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2015.
I won one GrandSLAM in 2016.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2017.   
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2018.

This goal also depends upon the decisions of others, but competing in a Moth GrandSLAM is a forgone conclusion (I’m competing in one this month) and just isn't enough to justify the goal. 

Once again, I need to win.

24. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling. 

Elysha and I produced 30 episodes in 2018, beginning in May, and we hope to do even better in 2019, particularly as our audience grows.

25. Perform stand up at least four times in 2019. 

I performed stand up six times in 2018. I’d lie to get up at least four more times in 2019. 

26. Develop and teach a Storytelling Master Class, in which participants have an opportunity to tell at least two stories over the course of the day  or tell a story and then retell it based on feedback.

This is a request from several of my storytelling students. I’ve been hesitant to teach a class like this, simply because I’m not sure if they need me to tell their stories. My advanced storytelling workshops afford every person the opportunity to tell a story, but they also include instruction, modeling, lessons, and new content.

A workshop like the one proposed would have none of that. I would simply listen to and critique stories. And while I can almost always teach a concept or strategy to the whole group based upon a person’s story, I feel like storytellers can get these critiques and perhaps even lessons from each other without needing me.

But it’s been requested quite a few times, so I’ll give it a shot in 2019.

27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

I had a story on This American Life in May of 2014. Since then, I’ve occasionally pitched stories to someone I know who works for the show. In 2019 I want to make a more concerted effort to pitch stories to this show that I adore.

28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

When I was listing possible publicity opportunities for Storyworthy with my publicist, Marc Maron’s WTF was top of the list. I’ve been listening since his first episode, and I would love to have a conversation with him. I’ve pitched myself to him before, and I’ll do it again, at least three times, in 2019.

NEW PROJECTS

29. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.

I was inspired by the New York Times story of Carolyn Kenyon and Judith Jones, both of Ithaca, NY, who raised $12,500 and sent it to the debt-forgiveness charity RIP Medical Debt, which then purchased a portfolio of $1.5 million of medical debts on their behalf. As a result, 1,284 New Yorkers were freed over their medical debt.

I love the idea of leveraging pennies on the dollar for an incredible cause, so I intend on doing the same in 2019. I’m not sure how I’ll raise the money yet, but I look forward to exploring options.

30. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

Back in 1988, I was 17 year-old Boy Scout preparing to complete my Eagle Scout service project so I could earn the rank that I had dreamed about for most of my childhood. In truth, I was qualified to earn my Eagle rank almost two years before, having earned the required merit badges and more, but my service project had been sitting on the back burner, waiting to be completed.

I needed a parent or two to light a fire under my butt and support me in this endeavor, but I wasn’t graced with that level of parental involvement at the time.

My plan was to plant trees in a cemetery in my hometown of Blackstone, MA. My troop had planted trees in that same cemetery about five year before, but those trees had died. I wanted to replace them and complete the work that we had originally promised.

Then, on December 23, 1988, I was in a car accident that nearly killed me. As a result of the accident, I was in a full-length leg cast for three months and required an enormous amount of healing and recovery. With just three months left until I turned 18 (the deadline to complete an Eagle service project), my parents requested an extension, and it was denied.

My childhood dream of becoming an Eagle Scout was over. It’s one of my life’s greatest regrets.

Maybe the greatest.

But I recently decided that it would be good to complete that Eagle Scout project even though it won’t come with my much desire Eagle Scout rank.

It feels right. Maybe I’ll feel a little better about the past.

I plan on doing this in 2019.

31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

We have a pile of photos, prints, art, and creations of our children just waiting to be hung on our walls and displayed on our shelves. Part of our delay has been the plan to paint our walls, but waiting is dumb. By the end of the year, I intend on having at least 25 of these photos, prints, and art displayed in our home.

32. Renovate our first floor bathroom.

The floor in our first floor bathroom is falling apart. The walls are ugly, Elysha despises the sink. Renovation is required. It must happen soon.

33. Organize our second floor bathroom.

Our second floor bathroom, used primarily by our kids, is filled with bins of clothing, extra furniture, and more. I need to tackle it aggressively so it’s a well organized, tidy room for the kids. It’s hard to ask children to keep their room clean when they use a room every day that is cluttered.

MISCELLANEOUS

34. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2016.

A failed goal from 2017 and 2018 that I will attempt in 2019. I told Elysha that I would make at least one meal a week now that she’s working again, so a dozen dinners shouldn’t be difficult.

35. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

My friend, Bengi, and I lived in a home that became known as the Heavy Metal Playhouse from 1989-1993. It was four of the best years of my life. Enormous parties, the closest of friendships, and the wildness of youth left an indelible mark on me. While I stay in touch with many of my friends from those days, I have not seen many of them in a long time. We have attempted to plan a reunion in the past without success.

In 2016, I tried to plan a reunion but was unable to secure a venue. 

In 2017, I tried to plan a reunion but was unable to secure a venue.

In 2018, I didn’t even try to secure a venue.

I'd really like to make this happen in 2019. 

36. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2019.

I haven't put my kids on their bikes often enough. Part of this has to do with Charlie's age, but after watching my brother get hit by a car while riding his bike as a kid (and being partially responsible for the accident), I've always been nervous about riding with other people. I don't worry about my own safety, but I worry constantly about the safety of others.

In 2018, I changed this by getting my kids on their bikes with me 27 times. They started to get very comfortable and excited about riding. I plan to repeat this in 2019.

37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2017 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

In 2016, I avoided all negative comments related to a person's physical appearance.

In 2017 I avoided all comments, both positive and negative, about the physical appearance of any person save my wife, children, and in-laws in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

I achieved this goal, and by writing about it, I convinced at least eight other people to adopt the policy as well.

For this reason, I will repeat this goal in 2019, even though it's now simply become something I do.  

38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2016.

A completed goal from 2017 and 2018 that I will repeat in 2019. 

39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

A failed goal from 2012, 2016, and 2017 and 2018 that I am continuing to pursue because these windows are making me crazy.    

40. Clean the basement. 

This was a completed goal from 2014 that needed to be repeated again in 2018 because it has filled up again. I did not finish the job last year, so it remains on the list for 2019.  

41. Set a new personal best in golf.

A failed goal from 2017 and 2018.

My lowest score for nine holes is a 45, and my lowest score for 18 holes is 95. I’d like to improve on either score in 2019.

42. Play poker at least six times in 2019.

A completed goal in 2017 that I failed to complete in 2018.

I love poker. I paid for our honeymoon with profits from poker. I made a mortgage payment in 2012 with poker profits. I am a very good poker player who stopped playing regularly in 2015 because of the time shifted to writing and storytelling.

I missed poker a great deal and brought it last year. Six games in 2019 is not an unreasonable goal even though I failed to achieve it in 2018.  

43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.

A completed goal in 2017 that I failed to repeat in 2018.

Bengi and I met in a Milford, MA McDonald's back in 1987, and we have been friends ever since. We once lived together (in the aforementioned Heavy Metal Playhouse) and started our DJ business together back in 1996. We have been through a great deal together, but in the last few years, we have seen less of each other even though we live 15 minutes apart. Our interests have shifted away from the things each likes to do, and our families are demanding more of our time, but that's no excuse for not getting together more often.

Six days is more than reasonable.  

44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Resolution update: 2018 in review

Every month, I report on the progress of my yearly goals in an attempt to hold myself accountable. Here are the results for December and for 2018 as a whole.

I'll be posting my goals for 2019 tomorrow.

In 2018, I completed 22 of 44 goals for a success rate of 50%. This is slightly below my eight year average of 55.6%.

My previous year success rates:

2010: 44%
2011: 62%
2012: 30%
2013: 60%
2014: 60%
2015: 59%
2016: 59%
2017: 71%

Despite only completing half of my goals, I had some areas of great success in 2018. I performed especially well in the areas of storytelling, completing 8 of 9 goals. 

While I'm pleased with the overall results, there were some missed opportunities. My biggest disappointments included my failure to lose 20 pounds, my failure to write three new picture books, and my failure to complete any of my larger writing projects.

Those were all very doable in 2018. 

There were also quite a few pathetic failures.

I failed to write a new screenplay. I failed to finalize any details for our Heavy Metal Playhouse reunion. I didn't cook a single meal for Elysha for the second straight year. I failed to play six games of poker. I failed to spend at least six days when my best friend of more than 30 years.

These were not difficult goals to achieve or at least get started.

2018 also provided to be an extraordinary year in many regards. I had several surprising accomplishments and firsts that did not make my initial list of resolutions but became important as the year progressed.

I posted that list separately.

Here are my specific successes and failures from 2018: 

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

I’m healthy and well. Totally alive.

SUCCESS

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I gained another two pounds in December, finishing the year 8 pounds down and 12 pounds from the goal.

FAIL 

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day. 

I had three servings of fruits and/or vegetables on 22 of 31 days in December. Although I increased my servings of fruits and vegetables significantly in 2018, I did not achieve 100% during even a single month of the year.

FAIL

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

SUCCESS

5. Identify a yoga routine that I can commit to practicing at least three days a week.

I spent a full week at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health this summer. I did not take a single yoga class. 

I also spent two full weekends at Kripalu in April and December. I did not take a single yoga class during either of those weekends.

FAIL

6. Stop using the snooze button.

Done and still highly recommended. Science is right. Snoozing is a terrible practice that you must end immediately. Get the hell out of bed once you are awake. You will feel a lot better.     

SUCCESS

WRITING CAREER

7. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2018.

The first half of the novel is in the hands of my agent now. Hopefully she loves it and my publisher loves it and they pay me ONE BILLION DOLLRS for it.

But because I am awaiting word from my agent and publisher before pressing on, the book is not complete.

FAIL

8. Complete my second middle grade/YA novel.

I've begun revising my first middle grade novel, and it’s going to take some time. Things were slowed down significantly because my editor left the company and my new editor needed time to get up to speed. Finishing a second middle grade novel became impossible for me with the change of editors mid-year.

FAIL

9. Write at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist. 

I've begun work on a nonfiction picture book on a famous beaver drop in the 1950's.

I’ve also begun work on a picture book based upon a famous lullaby.

I’ve also begun work on a picture book about the gerund -ing.

I also had a consultation with a well established picture book writer to get tips for future books.

None of the books in progress are close to being finished.

FAIL

10. Write a proposal for a memoir.

My agent and I have decided upon the memoir, and the writing has begun. In lieu of a proposal, I’m just going to write the damn thing, which could take as much as a year.

FAIL

11. Write a new screenplay.

Writing has commenced but is not nearly complete.

FAIL

12. Write a musical.

Writing has commenced but is not close to being complete.

FAIL

13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

One submission (and rejection) in December. Five submitted in all.

SUCCESS

14. Write a proposal for a nonfiction book related to education.

No progress at all in 2018.

FAIL

15. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

Submissions sent to three publishing outlets in December.

SUCCESS

16. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

At the suggestion of a reader, I spent October dipping into pop culture by reading the front page of the TMZ website every morning in an attempt to understand the cravings for the Kardashians and reality television.

I wrote about my experience in December.

At the suggestion of a reader, I spent October saying grace before eating breakfast and lunch.

I will be writing about it soon.

Only two new behaviors were attempted in 2018, mostly because I could not find any new behaviors to try.

FAIL

17. Increase my author newsletter subscriber base to 2,000.

I added 266 subscribers in December and a total of 830 added in 2018.

My total number of subscribers is now 2,379.

If you'd like to subscribe to my newsletter and receive tips on writing and storytelling, as well as links to the occasional amusing Internet miscellany and more, please subscribe below.

SUCCESS

Subscribe

Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.

Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy.

Thank you!

18. Write at least six letters to my father.

Three letters written in December for a total of six.

SUCCESS

19. Write 100 letters in 2018.

61 letters written in 2018. It’s not 100, but 61 is a big number when it comes to letters, and I enjoyed the hell out of this goal.

FAIL

20. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.

I’m still researching the companies that convert blogs to books. I have not found any that I like.

FAIL

21. Record one thing learned every week in 2018.

Done! My favorite from December:

From Tom Whitwell’s 52 Things I Learned in 2018:

Advertisers place a single brown pixel on a bright background in a mobile ad. It looks like dust, so users try to wipe it off. That registers as a click, and the user is taken to the homepage. [Lauren Johnson]

SUCCESS

STORYTELLING

22. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.

13 shows produced in 2018.

SUCCESS 

23. Deliver a TEDx Talk.

I spoke at a TEDxNatick salon event in May. 

SUCCESS

24. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I attended a Moth GrandSLAM in December, bringing the total number of Moth events to 15 in 2018. 

SUCCESS

25. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

Two wins in 2018 out of six chances. My lowest win total since 2012. Also my lowest number of StorySLAMs attended since 2012.

FAIL

26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

Done twice over! I won my fifth GrandSLAM in February and my sixth GrandSLAM in April.

I also placed third in both the September’s and December’s NYC GrandSLAMs at The Music Hall of Brooklyn.

SUCCESS

27. Produce at least 25 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling. 

Done! Episodes #30 dropped this week and is now available wherever you get podcasts. Listen to a terrific story from storyteller Chuck Fedolfi. The reception to the podcast has been excellent, and our audience is growing fast. In fact, we more than quadrupled our audience between November and December and expanded our reach to 99 different countries!

Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and please leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts.

SUCCESS

28. Perform stand up at least four times in 2018. 

I performed stand up six times in 2018 so far, including my first paid gig.

SUCCESS

29. Pitch my solo show to at least one professional theater.

I pitched and performed my solo show at The Tank as part of the Speak Up, Rise Up Storytelling Festival in NYC.

SUCCESS

30. Pitch a new Moth Mainstage story to the artistic director of The Moth. 

I pitched my story on the last day of 2018.

SUCCESS

NEW PROJECTS

31. Write a syllabus for a college course on teaching. 

No progress.

FAIL

32. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2018.

No progress. 

FAIL

33. Plan a 25 year reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress. 

FAIL

MISCELLANEOUS

34. Pay allowance weekly.

Done! Kids are all paid up.

SUCCESS

35. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2018.

Done! A total of 27 rides in 2018.

SUCCESS 

36. I will report on the content of speech during every locker room experience via social media in 2018. 

Done. I did not hear a single person in a single locker room make a single comment related to sexually assaulting women in 2018.

SUCCESS

37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children (except in service of a story while appearance is relevant), in 2018 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall. 

I commented on physical appearance beyond the stated parameters twice in 2018.

Close enough. I’m giving myself the win.

SUCCESS

38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2018.

I surprised Elysha a total of nine times in 2018.

SUCCESS

39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

I've received estimates for this project. That’s as far as I got.

FAIL

40. Clean the basement. 

More than halfway done this job, but I’m going to need to invest a solid chunk of time completing this project.

FAIL

41. Set a new personal best in golf.

Back in August, I played one round that was only four holes long due to green aeration. I had three pars and a bogie for a total of 14. Technically my best score ever, but perhaps it should not count.

FAIL

42. Play poker at least six times in 2018.

Five games in 2018.

FAIL

43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.

Four days spent with my best friend in 2018.

FAIL

44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

SUCCESS

Moments of Note 2018

At the end of every year, I take stock in all that the previous 365 days have brought. It’s an exercise I recommend to everyone as a means of bringing some meaning and clarity to all that has come before. Days, weeks, months, and even years have a way of flashing by in an instant if we’re not careful, so recognizing those unusual, exciting, unexpected, and unforgettable moments from the previous year (and writing them down) is a way to feel good about what you have experienced and accomplished before turning over the calendar to the coming year.

I’ve been keeping my list since the beginning of 2018, but it wouldn’t be hard to take a moment and reflect back on the moments that made 2018 special for you. You’ll undoubtedly forget some, but some is always better than none.

And perhaps you could make it a goal to record those moments next year as they happen, so none of them can get away.

Here are my Moments of Note for 2018:

I served as guest minister, including delivering sermons, for Universalist Unitarian Churches in Harvard and Groton, MA.

I taught storytelling on a Mohawk reservation in Canada.

I was hired as a creative consultant on by a major advertising firm to work on a national advertising campaign.

I competed in and won two Moth GrandSLAMs in Boston and competed in and placed third in two Moth GrandSLAMs in NYC. 

I competed in a no-hands apple pie eating contest at the Coventry farmer’s market. I did not win.

I participated in and won a lawsuit against Donald Trump that forced him to unblock me on Twitter. I was later blocked by Eric Trump on Twitter. 

I published my first book of nonfiction: Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling

My book launch event for Storyworthy included Elysha playing ukulele and singing publicly for the first time. 

I recorded my first audiobook. 

I performed stand up for the first time. I was also paid to perform standup for the first time and performed in both Connecticut and Michigan. 

I performed my first solo show at The Tank in NYC.

Elysha and I launched our podcast Speak Up Storytelling and published 30 episodes in 2018. Our podcast has been download more than 50,000 times in 99 different countries.

Elysha and I were honored by Voices of Hope for our work with second generation Holocaust survivors. 

I performed for a charity event for a local public access channel. The venue lost power so I stood atop a chair as guests shone their phone lights at me and I shouted out three stories before losing my voice.

Elysha, the kids, and I went on a summer-long ice cream adventure to shops throughout the state. Elysha chronicled our adventures on Facebook.

I met actor Jesse Eisenberg at a book launch party and had a lengthy conversation with him.  

A United States Senator told a story for Speak Up.

Speak Up Storytelling: Chuck Fedolfi

On episode #30 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Elysha Dicks and I talk storytelling!

In our followup segment, we talk about upcoming dates (including a workshop in Seattle this summer) and my weekly storytelling newsletter. 

Next, we talk about finding and collecting stories in your everyday life using "Homework for Life." We talk about fusing a moment of realization onto an ongoing experience to illustrate that realization clearly for an audience. Essentially to create a story.   

Next we listen to Chuck Fedolfi's story about his dog, Boo, and the inspiration derived from Boo's struggle.

After listening, we discuss:

The effective use of time shifts in storytelling

Getting and keeping a story moving 

Turning a potential anecdote into an meaningful, moving, story of vulnerability and heart

The power and hazards of ambiguity

Ways to improve a moment of surprise

Next, we answer questions about the difference between telling stories formally and informally, the ways that my Homework for Life spreadsheet is structured, and the writing of effective storytelling pitches. 

Finally, we each offer a recommendation.  

LINKS

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks 

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter: 
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter: 
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

RECOMMEDATIONS

Elysha

Commemorating important events in your life via Christmas ornaments

Matt

The Middle: Watch How a Pop Hit Is Made:
 https://bit.ly/2rDaAl2

Find your people

I was sitting in section 331 at Gillette Stadium last week. The Patriots were at midfield and driving to the end zone. Instead of the typically crisp passes from Tom Brady to his cast of suspect wide receivers, New England was running the ball, opening up large holes for the running backs to exploit.

With every first down, we cheered.

I was sitting beside Shep, my seat mate for more than a decade. As we watched the team we love drive down the field, we also found ourselves discussing Supreme Court Justice John Roberts and his surprising center-right position relative to his recent ruling on Trump’s asylum ban. Though both of us had expected the Court to uphold this vile policy, Roberts had surprised us, placing the rule of law over political ideology and overturning Trump’s new policy.

In the midst of this discussion, with the Patriots now on the 20 yard line, Shep stopped talking, looked around at the tens of thousands of people around us, and said, “I don’t think anyone else in this stadium is talking about John Roberts and his decision on asylum policy last week.”

Then he added, “ I don’t think anyone is even talking politics at all.”

With 66,000 people in attendance, it’s hard to know, but I think Shep was probably right. We were probably the only two people in the stadium discussing US asylum policy as the Patriots scored their first touchdown of the day.

A couple months earlier, Shep and I were sitting in these same seats, discussing how Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services Administrator Seema Verma had tweeted a photo of a T-shirt printed with "Medicare for all," calling it "this year's scariest Halloween costume."

We were both appalled at the stupidity and immaturity of such a tweet.

We were definitely the only two people in the stadium discussing Seema Verma that day.

When giving advice to my fifth grade students on middle school, I always tell them to find their people. After spending six years in elementary school with the same group of 100 kids, my students are about enter a much larger school and meet many new people. Though it may seem scary at first, I tell them to be excited. “It’s your chance to find friends who really understand you. People who like the kinds of things you like. Believe in the same tings you believe. It’s your chance to find new friends who get you. Find your people.”

My wife Elysha famously did this in high school, finding a group of incredibly diverse friends who she adored. Cool kids and misfits. Theater kids and writers. A guy named Chainsaw. Elysha found her people when she was a teenager, and she’s spent her life adding to that rich cast of characters who she now calls friends.

And I found Shep when he hired me to DJ his wedding back in August of 2000. His marriage didn’t last but our friendship thankfully has endured. And as much as I enjoy sitting in that stadium, watching the Patriots play, a large part of the joy is the day that I spend with Shep, talking about football and friends. Family and work. Writing and politics.

Including John Roberts’ recent ruling on American asylum policy under the Trump administration.

It’s important to find your people. Identify the individuals in this world who get you and hold on tight. Make the effort to remain connected.

It’s hard to find someone who can discuss the intricacies of the American healthcare industry while simultaneously threatening the life of a referee over a pass interference call, debating the flawed feminism in the Wonder Woman film, and shouting at a Baltimore Ravens fan to shut his trap.

I found my people.

I hope you have, too.

I went to see Hamilton last night despite the ridiculous hype that accompanies it.

Elysha and I went to see Hamilton last night.

After seeing Elysha writing amusing but envious posts on Facebook in response to our many friends who were seeing the show during its brief stop in Hartford, I decided to pivot and give her tickets to the show for Christmas in lieu of my original plan.

I revealed the gift to her on Christmas morning by reenacting the cue card scene from Love Actually.

It was fun.

But I had my reservations about seeing Hamilton. Primarily, it was the hype. For years, I have been listening to people describe this show with the greatest superlatives I’ve ever heard. Folks gush over this show. Memorize the lyrics to every song. Describe it in the most glowing terms I’ve ever heard. They speak about the show by extending their vocalization of adjectives and adverbs in an effort to make me understand that it’s not simply great.

It’s “Ah-mazing.”

I hate that, by the way. Extending the vocalization of a word to accentuate its degree of authenticity is dumb and annoying.

The hype of Hamilton frightened me. So rarely in life has anything met or exceeded the hype. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been told that something would be amazing and it turned out to be amazing.

For this reason, I purposefully avoid overhyping my recommendations. I may find find the cartoons of The Oatmeal consistently brilliant, but when recommending them to you, I would say something like , “Make sure you check out The Oatmeal’s cartoons online when you have a chance. I love them and think you might love them, too.”

See? No superlatives. No gush. No unnecessary hype.

If I had added that The Oatmeal’s cartoons were “Ah-mazing” or “Sooooo hilarious” would you be more likely to check them out?

I don’t think so. I would only risk increasing your expectations beyond reasonable levels.

Seriously, though. Check them out. Matthew Inman is a funny guy.

So we went to Hamilton expecting it to be the greatest show I’ve ever seen. Better than Rent, which is my favorite, and all the other fantastic shows that I’ve seen in the past. This show had to move me beyond compare, at least if I was to believe the hype.

Hype. It can be a dangerous thing.

Then I saw the show. Sitting beside Elysha, we watched and listened for nearly three hours of musical theater, performed primarily in genres of music that I don’t love and telling a story that I already knew quite well.

As the last word was sung, the lights came up, and the bows were taken, I knew instantly that that Hamilton had failed to match the ridiculous superlatives that I’ve been hearing for years.

It exceeded them.

I really can’t believe it, but it exceeded every bit of hype that preceded it. It was the best show I have ever seen. One of the best things I’ve ever seen. As I stood and applauded, I suddenly felt the need to immediately write to Lin Manuel Miranda to thank him for giving me an evening I will never forget and filling my heart with joy, sorrow, and wonder in a way it has never been filled before.

I will, too. Today.

Hamilton, my friends, is a brilliant theatrical production. Better than Rent. Better than every show I have ever seen. Better than any movie I’ve ever seen.

Forgive the hype, but it is genius.

I engaged with celebrity culture for a month. Here is what I discovered.

One of my 2018 goals is this:

Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

During the month of October, at the suggestion of a reader, I spent at least 15 minutes every morning reading the TMZ website in an attempt to immerse myself in the celebrity culture that I have always shunned and despised.

It did not take long for me to realize that it was going to be a long month.

My initial thought was that investing in celebrity culture might be similar to following the lives of athletes. I spend time almost every day reading about my favorite sports teams and their opponents, learning about who is hurt, what the coaches are thinking, and what the athletes had to say about their performance.

I thought this might be similar. If I’m invested in the lives of athletes who I have never met, I can probably become invested in the lives of celebrities who I’d never met, too.

Turns out I was wrong, for a few reasons:

First, I had no rooting interest in these celebrities. Was I supposed to be excited that a YouTube sensation was dating a super model? Was I expected to be interested in the feud between these two actresses? Should I care that a reality TV star is getting married to a punk rocker?

If so, I can’t imagine why.

I understand the insanity of rooting for a football team comprised of men who I don’t know and have never met. I understand how silly it is to cry while watching strangers win a championship. But I grew up watching the Patriots with my grandfather and the Celtics with my mother. I learned to love these teams because they represented the place where I lived and the people who I loved.

When it comes to sports, there is an emotional connection rooted in tradition, geography, and winner-take-all competition. I watch these men battle. I bear witness to their struggle. I can’t help but admire them. Love them.

In this way, sports, at least for me, are different.

I also love Bruce Springsteen, at least as much as any member of the Patriots, but I would never weep while watching Springsteen win a Grammy because Springsteen doesn’t represent me, and his struggle to win a Grammy did not happen so explicitly and directly before my eyes. His goal was not to defeat his fellow musicians in a battle for Grammy supremacy. He was not standing against an enemy combatant. He wasn’t engaged in a real-life version of Guitar Hero.

He just wants to make great music and sell lots of records and tickets.

I love these athletes because they represent me, and they constantly thank me for their support. I watch them toil through hardship in order to win. I cheer them on when I’m in the arena and the stadium, and sometimes that cheering actually impacts the results of the game.

The noise that we make can change the way the opponent plays. That is incredible.

These have earned my allegiance. My devotion. I feel like I’m a member of the team. In football, I’m referred to as the “twelfth man.” Eleven players on field plus me.

I have no allegiance to Justin Bieber. I never will.

Second, watching sports gives me the opportunity to watch excellence in action, similar to going to a museum to see great paintings or going to a concert to listen to a world-class performer.

I thought that following celebrity culture might offer a similar opportunity, but a website like TMZ and pop culture in general does not celebrate excellence. It does not highlight the beauty of Beyonce’s voice or the acting chops of some new teen heartthrob. It’s all about the drama. You need not be the best in your business to garner the most attention. You simply need to create the most fuss. Experience the most trouble. Create the biggest problems.

I found this exceptionally annoying. Pop culture reporting is drawn to the negative story. The breakup. The divorce. The fight. The spurned lover. It leans heavily to the negative and exploits human beings when they are at their most vulnerable.

I also can’t help but think that pop culture, at least as it’s represented on TMZ, is stupid. Mindless and uninspiring.

On the morning I write this, the headlines on TMZ are:

Safaree Asked Erica Mena's Mom and Son For Permission To Marry Her, Before Proposing

Forest Whitaker Files Docs For Divorce From Wife Keisha Nash Whitaker

'Goodfellas' Actor Frank Adonis Dead at 83

DMX Getting Out of Prison in One Month, He's Got Family and Movie Offers on the Brain

Christie Brinkley and Sailor Brinkley Cook Looking Hot During Tropical Christmas Trip

CHRIS BROWN SPANKS MONKEY ALLEGATIONS... She's Not My Pet!

Chris Brown & Nia Guzman on Verge of Hammering Out New Child Support Deal

Dig a little deeper and there is a story about pay inequity between an actor and an actress, which is poorly written but interesting. Dig a little more and you’ll find a piece written by a retired NFL player about the nature of safety in football today. I’ve read articles like this before, but it’s at least an important and real issue.

But these are not the top stories, nor do they represent the typical pop culture story gaining the most traction today.

Dumb stories gain attention. Terrible behavior garners the headlines.

Lastly, I discovered that my knowledge of celebrity culture actually made their work slightly less appealing to me. I don’t want to know that the man singing the song I love is going through a custody battle. I don’t want know that the actor in the movie I’m watching has cheated on her husband with another actor. I never need to know who is pregnant and who has broken the law.

The last thing I want is the real life nonsense and drama to be filtering into my mind while enjoying the music, television, and film that these people create.

I has happy when the month was over and I could delete the TMZ website from the top bar of favorite websites (and my life). It was a fascinating journey into a world previously unexplored and also a terrifying realization that a significant portion of Americans care who Jennifer Aniston is dating or if Cardi B will take back Offset.

This is entertaining and important to people, and I’m not happy about it.

Time to set some goals for 2019. And perhaps a goal or two for me, too.

As the New Year approaches, you will undoubted see and read many articles on why New Year’s resolutions never work and are best avoided.

It’s a trope that media outlets love to roll out at the end of December. 

It’s nonsense.

New Year’s resolutions (and goal setting in general) work for those who are actually motivated to achieve the desired results and work hard to meet their goals..

Since 2010, I have been posting my New Years resolutions on my blog and social media and charting my progress month by month. While my New Year’s resolution success rate over the past five years stands at just over 55 percent, my life has changed immensely thanks to my yearly goal setting and the pursuit of these goals.

Here are a few examples:

____________________________________

In 2010 I resolved to floss every day. I have not missed a day of flossing since. It’s simply become something I do.

Incidentally, if you would like to start flossing, I suggest that you place the floss in the shower. Doing this creates an incentive:

Who would pass up an extra 30 seconds in the shower in order to be productive and extend your life (people who floss live longer)?

I gave this advice at a book talk in California once (in response to a question about how routines make me more productive), and about six months later, a woman wrote to me to say that while she appreciated everything about my talk, the advice on flossing had changed her life. She’s flossed every day since my talk, and her gums have never been so healthy and pain free.

It’s not hard. You, too, can be a dental nerd like me.
____________________________________

I established the goal of losing 10 pounds in 2010, and I have since lost 55 pounds and entirely changed the way that I live.

I exercise five times a week.

I know the calorie count of almost every food item that I eat.

I’ve permanently reduced meal portions.

I look better, feel better, and have more energy than ever before.

I still have weight to lose, but that single goal in 2010 has changed the way I eat, exercise and live ever since, and it will likely provide me with a longer, healthier life.
____________________________________

In an effort to reduce my cholesterol, I resolved to eat three servings of oatmeal a week in 2011. Since then I continue to eat at least that much oatmeal each week as part of my work day lunch. It’s a perfect midday meal: Easy to make, filling, low in calories, and delicious.

Some of my colleagues think I’ve crazy for eating the same thing almost every day, but as a result, my cholesterol dropped 40 points and has remained within the guidelines that my doctor set for me, and while so many of my friends are on medication to control their cholesterol, I am not.

This year one of my colleagues joined me in eating oatmeal everyday, so if I’m crazy, I’m also contagious.
____________________________________

In 2011, after two years of saying that I would do it, I resolved to participate in a Moth event as a storyteller, either at a live show or on their radio broadcast. Since my performance in my first Moth StorySLAM in July of 2011, storytelling has become an enormous part of my life.

I’ve won 38 Moth StorySLAMs and 6 GrandSLAM championships. I’ve told stories on stages all over the world. In 2013, Elysha and I founded Speak Up, and since then, we have produced more than 60 shows and partnered with amazing organizations like Voices of Hope and Yale-New Haven Hospital.

Now I teach storytelling to almost anyone you could imagine: CEOs and artists. Priests, minsters, and rabbis. Entertainers and writers. Salespeople and teachers. Professors and attorneys and real estate agents. Superintendents and social media teams. I’ve taught I’ve taught storytelling to Mohawk Indians on a reservation in Canada and to 13 rabbis on a retreat in upstate New York.

My teaching of storytelling led to the writing of Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling.

That simple 2011 goal of telling one story at one Moth event has blossomed into one of the most important parts of my creative life.
____________________________________

In 2014, one of my goals was to “Find a way to keep Elysha home for one more year with the kids.”  Honestly, I didn’t know how we would ever be able to manage living on one income for another year after surviving on one income for almost five years. I didn’t think it possible. But as soon as I wrote the goal down, my mindset instantly shifted from “Can I make this happen?” to “How am I going to make happen?”

I went on to achieve that goal three more times until Elysha finally went back to work this year.

Writing down the goal  and acknowledging its importance made the decision automatic for me.

Figuring out the “How?” hasn’t always been easy, but the kids would never know it, and that’s what matters most.   

Don’t let anyone fool you. New Year’s resolutions (and goal setting in general) can change your life, for the upcoming year and sometimes forever, if you actually apply yourself and monitor your progress carefully.  

My advice:

Establish measurable goals that do not depend upon the actions or decisions of others for success. My goals are now to “Submit a book proposal” rather than “Publish a book.” Keep your goals within your control. I don’t always follow this rule (“Win three Moth StorySLAMs,” for example, relies on the opinions of judges), but I almost always do.

Create a specific plan for accomplishing each goal.

Check on progress regularly, and create a schedule for this.

Remind yourself repeatedly about what your life would look like if you achieved your goals. Envision this new life. See it in your mind’s eye as a reality.

Remind yourself that most people fail to accomplish their New Year’s resolutions, and that you are better than most people.

Two years ago, I came upon a piece in the Wall Street Journal on New Year’s resolutions that suggests that outsourcing your resolutions may improve your ability to achieve them.

Most of us could use help achieving our goals. Who better to tell us how to improve ourselves than someone who knows us well—perhaps better than we know ourselves—and even may be all too happy to offer up some tough love? And if we promise to check in regularly with this person to discuss our progress, we’ll probably do a much better job of keeping our resolutions.

“We all have blind spots, but the people we are intimate with can see through them,” says David Palmiter, a couples therapist and professor of psychology at Marywood University, in Scranton, Pa. A loved one can encourage us to meet our goals and hold us accountable when we slip, he says.

I had always asked a select group of friends to suggest goals for my upcoming year, but after reading this piece, I thought it might be a good idea to open up my goal selection process to anyone who might want to participate. I’ve been doing this for the past five years.

So if you’d like to suggest a goal for me in 2019, I would love to hear your ideas. Please note that this does not guarantee that I will adopt every suggested goal, but I will seriously consider all that are submitted.

Also note that all goals must be empirically measurable, so a goal like “Be less of a jerk-face” cannot be included in my list of resolutions (even if it’s a valid suggestion) because there is no way for me to determine if the goal was met.

But you’re welcome to tell me to stop being a jerk-face at any time if you’d like.

Not need to wait until the end of the year to make that request.

Submit your suggestions by commenting on this post or emailing me at matthewdicks@gmail.com.

Now go set a few goals for yourself in 2019. Maybe start with flossing. You can’t overstate the value of healthy gums.

I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come. Kind of.

Years ago, I was sitting in a diner with a client, coaching him to become more successful in life. I was talking about my personal philosophy and explain my approach to my life when he said, “I wish I had died like you. I think that’s the answer to my problems.”

He went on to explain that I was the second person he’d met who suffered a near-death experience, and our approaches to life were remarkably similar. “I just wish I could see life like you guys do.”

I rebutted the argument, of course, explaining that many people far more accomplished than me have managed to make the most of their life without having to face death first.

I also pointed out that I have unfortunately faced death three times - a bee sting, a car accident, and a robbery with a gun to my head and the trigger pulled - so I must me an exceptionally slow study.

A complete idiot.

But his comment has always stayed with me, probably because it allowed me to see the trauma in my life in a slightly more positive light.

Recently, I was listening to Dickens’ A Christmas Carol when something occurred to me and reminded me of my diner conversation from years ago:

When I was 22 years old, I was lying on a greasy tile floor in a McDonald’s in Brockton, MA at midnight, with a gun pressed against my head. A masked man was counting back from three, and when he reach zero, he told me that he was going to shoot me in the head and kill me. This was a man who I knew had already killed people in other restaurants in town, so I was absolutely certain that I was going to die. In those final seconds, I felt all of the fear and anger in my body roll over to regret - a regret for a life unfulfilled. A life wasted. The gift of life unrecognized and unappreciated for what it truly was.

I tell a story about my experience that you can watch here:

It occurred to me while reading Dickens that in a lot of ways, what happened to me was not unlike what happened to Scrooge in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. The Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come shows Scrooge the results of his life if he continues along his chosen path. Scrooge sees what a cruel and miserly existence will bring, and as a result of witnessing this portrait of the future, he changes his ways.

He alters the course of his life.

I was given a similar gift on that tile floor. While my portrait of the future was far less specific or dramatic than Scrooge’s, I was given the opportunity to experience the regret of a life unfulfilled. I was afforded the opportunity to feel the pain of loss, shame in knowing you’ve squandered your opportunity, and the fear of having done so little that you will be quickly forgotten.

It admittedly wasn’t the way I would’ve preferred to receive this wisdom. The decades of post traumatic stress disorder that have followed have not always been easy, and as I told my friend in that diner, not everyone needs to see a vision of their future in order to make the most of their life.

Lots of people are just better than me.

But it was a gift of sorts. A view of the world that few ever get to experience, and oddly entirely different than the near-death experiences of my bee sting and car accident. In both of those cases, I actually stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating for a moment, but I never saw it coming. I had no time to contemplate the extent of my life, because I didn’t know that it might be coming to an end.

Shock is a blessed thing until it kills you. It takes away all the pain and all the fear.

In fact, in both cases, I didn’t know how close I had come to death until well after the fact.

I was also 12 years-old and 17 years-old at the time. I’m not sure how much regret I would’ve felt even if I knew what was happening. Not much is expected from someone those ages.

But I was 22 when I faced that man and his gun, so perhaps I was ready for the lesson. I was also in need of it. Having been kicked out of my home after high school with few prospects for a future, I couldn’t afford to wait another moment to turn my life around.

It wasn’t a coincidence that after the robbery, I became relentless and have been relentless ever since. Within a year, I was attending college for the first time while working full time at one job and part-time at another.

In addition to my studies, I was serving in student government, writing for the school newspaper, competing in statewide debate competitions, serving as President of the honor society, and organizing volunteers on campus for Habitat for Humanity.

I don’t know how I did it all other than to say that after facing homelessness, imprisonementment, and death. nothing has ever seemed as difficult.

I was relentless.

So I’m left wondering if Dickens had similar thoughts when he wrote A Christmas Carol. I know what as a young boy, he worked in a shoe blackening factory under incredibly harsh conditions. During that time, he also watched his father go to debtors prison, along with his younger siblings (which was customary at the time). While in prison, Dickens’ grandmother died, leaving enough to settle his father’s debts, but it must’ve been a brutal existence for a 12 year-old boy.

Perhaps he received the same insight as I received that night in McDonald’s. Perhaps he was given a gift of sorts - an understanding of a life unfulfilled, maybe through his own struggle or maybe through witnessing the struggle of his father.

Maybe both.

Or perhaps he was just a better person than me. Maybe he didn’t require the brutality of factory work as a child to want to be something someday.

The more likely truth, I think.

Either way, I wish for you an understanding of the fragility of life and the importance of making every day count without requiring a visit from the future. My wish for you in 2019 is to be relentless in all that you do without requiring an act of violence to get there,

My hope is that you’re better than me.

Fear not. It’s a low bar.

My 2018 Christmas Haul

Every Christmas, I take inventory of the holiday gifts that my wife gives me.

Some people wish for cashmere sweaters, the latest gadget, stylish watches, and jewelry. My hope is often for the least pretentious, most unexpected, quirkiest little gift possible, and she never fails to deliver. 

When it comes to gift giving, Elysha is brilliant.

For the past nine years, I’ve been documenting the gifts that sh has given me on Christmas because they are so damn good. Every year has been just as good as the last, if not better.

The  2009 Christmas haul included a signed edition of a Kurt Vonnegut novel.
The 2010 Christmas haul included a key that I still use today.
The 2011 Christmas haul included my often-used Mr. T in a Pocket.
The 2012 Christmas haul included my fabulous No button.
The 2013 Christmas haul included a remote controlled helicopter.
The 2014 Christmas haul included an "I Told You So" pad.
The 2015 Christmas haul included schadenfreude mints: "As delicious as other people's misery."
The 2016 haul featured a commissioned painting of the map of my childhood Boy Scout camp.
The 2017 haul featured a commissioned painting of my grandparent’s farmhouse.

This year was no different. Elysha was just as good.

My gifts this year included:

A recreation of a Viewmaster Viewer, complete with a photo carousel of family photos inside (and the opportunity to create new carousels)

A guest book FOR MY CAR. Since I’m always driving folks to NYC and Boston for Moth events, I have a lot of people in my car. Now they’ll be signing this hilarious, prompt-filled guest book.

A set of dog butt magnets

A Rocketbook Everlast, which is amazing. Check out this video to understand what this amazing notebook can do. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

A copy of William Shakespeare’s Star Wars (combining two of my favorite things)

A pair of New England Patriots socks

A fries and burger eraser and sharpener

A mini wooden hammer tool

Sweatpants

Once again, she’s outdone herself.

My favorite gift of the bunch is probably the recreation of the Viewmaster Viewer. It combines the nostalgia that I always crave with the joy of seeing my family through the lens of my childhood.

But that guestbook is a close second. I cannot wait for the day when I can turn to someone in the passenger seat and say, “Would you mind signing my guestbook, please?”